Jessica Leigh Levin's Blog

When I finished writing Everyone Has Sh*t: Unsolicited Advice for Being Human, I knew I was not done. There were more stories to tell. It was the beginning of the conversation, not the end.

With that in mind, I have created Talkin’ Sh*t: The Unsolicited Podcast.

Each week (more or less, because life has shit and sometimes it doesn’t happen), I am chatting with people who have stories to tell. People who bring a positive spin to life’s shit.

The podcast can be found on a number of different sites so you have your choice of players (aren’t you lucky?).

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Spotify

There is a lot of angst in the world today. Can one podcast make it go away? No, because that would be impossible. But, this podcast brings perspective. Perhaps it can alleviate angst for a moment, or 22. You may listen and be inspired or you may disagree. My hope is that you walk away with something – or at least the feeling that it was time well spent.

I’ll be looking for guests to chat with. If you know someone who you think would make a good conversationalist, send them my way. It’s OK if it’s you too – “self-nominations” are appreciated and encouraged.

Feedback is welcome too. Let me know which episodes you love and what you would like to see more of.

Thanks for reading and thanks for listening!

I am moving this weekend. That's a story in itself. It's a good story, but the road to get there has been...a challenge. I'll tell you more about that later.

Holidays can be a hard time for many people. Rather than fall victim to any type of circumstances, I have learned to make my own traditions. For the last few years - more than I can even remember - I have hosted dinner on December 24th. We get deli from an amazing local place. I make desserts and play games while consuming mass quantities of my secret sangria.

Since I am moving on the 23rd I have decided hosting dinner isn't in the cards. I feel like I am breaking a huge tradition. It's hard. This is my tradition. Removed from other people's expectations. It's mine and I own it. I welcome everyone at my place to celebrate whatever holiday they wish. It symbolizes so many things for me and I embrace all of them.

This year it's not happening. Don't get me wrong, my move is a wonderful thing. But I have become such a traditionalist. My Christmakah dinner is very important to me. The irony is not lost on me.

Here's the thing. I am letting it go. It's just a day. There will be many other opportunities to stuff my face with pastrami and vino. My friends will join me for other made up and real holidays. The joy is not restricted to one single day of the year.

Life happens. Plans change. We have to adapt. We have to be flexible.

So if you are stressing about the perfect dinner, the perfect event, the perfect anything, pretend you are Elsa and just Let it Go. That's what I am doing and you are welcome to join me.

Happy Merry Everything.

Today I witnessed someone apologize for theft. They knew it was wrong and said they were sorry. They suffered some consequences, but certainly not permanent ones. They apologized. They were lucky that while the apology was not exactly "accepted" it did get them out of being reported to the authorities.

Over the last few weeks, we have heard comedians, actors and news anchors apologize for their various indiscretions. The apologies can come after they were caught which begs the question of sincerity?

What is the value of an apology? Does it diminish if comes after public admonishment?

And if we don't value their apologies, what is the right course of action for people who have done bad things? Should they admit guilt without expressions of remorse?

Now let's say we aren't talking about famous offenders. Instead, we are talking about your best friend. Or your spouse. Or your sibling. Is saying I'm sorry enough? Is it enough to wipe the slate clean of any wrongdoing? Are the actions of people in the news weakening apologies or are we still civil enough to differentiate sincerity?

I'm sorry, but I don't have the answers. I tend to think that this issue may cause some people to consider their actions and perhaps, prevent them from doing harm. Or more harm.
Perhaps I am naive and bad people will continue to do bad things. The difference might be they will try harder not to get caught.

The one thing I do know, we live in interesting times and it's never a bad time to evaluate your moral compass.

What are your thoughts on apologies?

Today we woke up to news of one of most famous news anchors being fired for sexual misconduct.

In the wake of this, many people are asking about the protocol for giving compliments.

Is it OK to compliment someone's looks that you work with? Do we live in a world where we have to contemplate every single word that comes out of our mouth?

I hate to think that we can't tell someone that they look nice - that their new outfit is killer. If someone clearly got their hair cut, I want to note how great it looks. Compliments are a beautiful thing and they can make someone's day brighter.

However, people are much more than the shell they walk in. How about complimenting them on a project they worked on? About how they were really helpful to you? About their spunk or humor or any other positive qualities that are not physical?

On the flip side, how often are you criticizing someone? Whether it's your co-worker, employee, friend or spouse, do you have a habit of pointing out the negative? How can you catch yourself from "uncompliments" and turn that into an opportunity to offer some kind words.

I'm confident that we will learn about more offenders who have crossed a line and made someone feel uncomfortable or worse. We should learn from these incidents and think about how we communicate. Use these darker times to improve who you are.

What do you think about compliments? Do you like them? Do you give them? When and where are they appropriate?

Yesterday I shopping was in Target and heard someone wish ill upon their friend. I didn't hear the first part, but she said "I hope next time you fall and hurt yourself." She said it with a hint of sarcasm, but it stopped me in my tracks. We hear stuff like this all the time and we accept it as a joke or humor. But it's not. It's not good for your karma and it's not good for your inner peace.

It happens all the time. Someone cuts us off in traffic and we curse them. You get in a fight with your spouse and call them a four-letter word. Really? Is that necessary?

In the political climate we live in, attacking others has become a way of life. Name calling, once reserved for the playground, is commonplace if you read the comments on most any article found on the internet.

In the litigious society we have found ourselves in, people hire attorneys and threaten lawsuits without blinking an eye. And attorneys often handle business matters on the offensive - even when it's not required.

This. All of this. PISSES ME OFF. Why can't we just be nice to our fellow humans? Are you perfect? I'm not perfect. When we are afraid of getting yelled at or admonished for our work, for our ideas, for anything, we tend to not communicate. We hide what we are working on or we don't elevate a problem until it's too late. Then if we are afraid to make mistakes, we don't try. When we don't try, we don't fail or learn from those failures. But I get it. people can be mean and judgy.

What can we do to be kinder in a world filled with so much mean?

1. Communicate more - not by text or email, but by phone and in person.

2. Never wish harm on anyone. Ever.

3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Did they have a bad day? Just because they are a bad driver, do you really think they are a bad person?

4. Always say please and thank you.

5. Defend those being picked on.

6. Assume people mean well. They don't always, but most do. It will make you softer.

7. Do something nice for someone that they didn't expect. Someone you know, a stranger. Kindness is contagious so start spreading it around.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you let me in? I mean, let's assume we know each other, I am a friend. However, I just stopped by unannounced.
Would you panic because the house is a mess? Because the kids have toys everywhere?

Or...would you let me in and not give it another thought? Is that because it's clean enough to eat off of the floors or is it because you don't really care if there is shit all over the place. You're busy. You have a life. And you know that your housekeeping skills are not a character trait.

Sometimes, or often, we place value on what other people think about us. Whether it is how clean our floors are, what we wear or expressing what we really want out of life. Why is it that we care?

Everyone Has Sh*t: Unsolicited Advice for Being Human

There are consequences for our opinions and actions. People will judge us. They may gossip about us. You cannot stop that. You can choose how you handle it. You can shrug it off and embrace who you are or you can let it bother you for days. You have a choice.


Here's my secret. If you come over to my house, it will likely be clean. I probably also ran around before your arrival tossing laundry into the wash and shoving things in closets. It's because I care what I think. You gave me an excuse to get my home the way I like it. So really, you aren't judging me. I am.

We really all have shit we deal with. And that's OK.

Are you looking at Facebook photos of people and their happy families eating turkey that is perfectly golden brown and looks like it belongs on the cover of a magazine?

Did you wake up to a frozen turkey and then subsequently burn it while fighting with your spouse?

Or did you order Chinese take-out and curl up with a book and your cat?

Welcome to stress season. If the holidays give you agita and you can't wait for January 2nd, you are not alone. Trust me. No matter how much someone loves to trim the tree and deck the halls, it is rarely without a few intense moments.

While there are so many wonderful aspects of the year-end, those come with a price. Dealing with relatives, coming up with money for the kids presents or the pressure to set new year goals are just some of the challenges associated with this time of year.

Here's some Unsolicited Advice: The holidays are what you make of them. You can decide HOW you celebrate and WHO you celebrate with. There are always people who have room for one more at the table if you are feeling alone - don't be afraid to ask. If you need some alone time and don't want to be surrounded by people, don't apologize. However, you may discover that the old family tradition of toasting the new year with spiked eggnog while singing show tunes is just what you need to get your spirits going. And remember this...it will all be over soon.Everyone Has Sh*t: Unsolicited Advice for Being Human