Lynn Marie Sager's Blog
July 12, 2023
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Table of Contents
Take one episode at a time,
give it one weeks strict attention,
and leave everything else to its ordinary chance.
Episode Six:
No such thing as an empty water jug. Air pours in as water pours out.
The Power of Vacuum
Episode Seven:
Rivers carve canyons one rock at a time.
The Power of Process and Growth
Episode Ten:
Fish swim in schools for a reason.
The Power of Attraction
Episode Eleven:
Water, and everything else, tends to evaporate.
The Power of Entropy
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Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Table of Contents first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
July 10, 2023
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: An Epilogue
Some advice from two hundred years ago: Featuring Benjamin Franklin’s “bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection,” along with a Whackadoodle twist. .…. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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“What do we tackle next?” I parroted back, rapping my knuckles on the table. “I should have thought that would be obvious. We must imitate Ben Franklin’s ‘bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection.‘”
“Oh, yeah, right, why wouldn’t that be obvious?” she smirked.
Ignoring her, I added, “I am of course referring to Ben Franklin’s ‘13 Virtues’ path to personal perfection, which he explains in his 1791 book, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, published in 1791.“
“Is that the one where he picked thirteen virtues that he wanted to build into his character; so he focused on one virtue each week until he’d gone through all thirteen, then he’d start the cycle again?”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Ben suggested ‘giving strict‘ attention to one virtue at a time, leaving all of the others to ‘their ordinary chance.’ He actually mentions it as a sort of challenge to his readers, suggesting that they imitate his example. Hang on, can you pass me your phone?” I asked suddenly. “I’d like to show you how David G. Allan explains it.”
A few searches later, and she was reading out loud:
Franklin started by taking a critical look at his behavior, and he found that too often he traveled down unvirtuous roads that “natural inclination, custom or company might lead me into,” as he put it.
He fell short of his ideal in more than a dozen areas of his life, he concluded. He ate and drank too much. He talked too much, especially about himself. He spent more money than he should. He didn’t finish all his goals. And so on. In other words, he wrestled with the very same human urges, flaws and proclivities that now fuel our New Year’s resolutions and the ever-booming market of self-help books.
Then he considered various virtues that, if mastered, would counteract his unwanted behavior. His list of 13: Temperance, Silence, Order, Resolution, Frugality, Industry, Sincerity, Justice, Moderation, Cleanliness, Tranquility, Chastity and Humility.
Thirteen wasn’t a nod to the original colonies, nor was it random. He chose 13 because that number fits neatly into a calendar. Multiply it by four, and you get 52, the number of weeks in a year.
Franklin would take a single virtue at a time, work on it for a week and then move on to the next. Trying to fix everything that’s wrong with you all at once is overwhelming, he decided. The virtuous path needs to be broken down to give each area some concentrated time of intention and effort. Every 13 weeks, the cycle repeats itself.
He accounted for his progress on a chart and shared his scheme with others. Modern social science has since proved that tracking and accountability are two key components of successful habit formation. He was also hundreds of years ahead of the curve for the fun and addictive trend of gamification.
I came across 13 Virtues in college. It was mentioned in a couple of paragraphs in the middle of a magazine article about Franklin, but reading it was like that key tied to the end of Franklin’s kite in the storm: It charged a sudden desire to try the method myself.
By David G. Allan, CNN
Published 5:03 AM EST, Thu March 1, 2018
She look up as she finished. “So you decided to imitate Ben Franklin, but instead of thirteen virtues to build your character, you chose fourteen rules to sharpen your mind.”
“Ben called his practice a bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection. I suppose you could call mine a bold and arduous project for navigating life.“
“So next week, we start the cycle again?”
“I’ve been cycling through my rules for the past,” I counted out the years on my fingers. “Good Lord, has it really been seventeen years. Amazing that even now, I can discover some new nuance in each cycle.”
“And now we get to cycle together,” she laughed. “I will gain from your nuance.”
“While I will gain from your perspective.”
*********
And so we return to the beginning, with a better understanding of where we are.
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Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
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Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Fourteen
The Power of Indirect Effort: A Whackadoodle lesson explaining how so much of our influence and power comes to us indirectly when we learn to put life into context. .…. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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My student sent me an email three days before before our scheduled session asking if she could be the one to lead our discussion on the Power of Indirect Effort. Since it meant that I would have less to prepare, I was happy to email back, “Sure:-).” Besides, I was kind of curious to see how she would tackle the task.
She was ten minutes early on the day of our lesson, and immediately called me to order. “Now as I see it,” she began. “The Rule of Least Effort has two parts. The first part you talk about in your first book Navigating Life. It’s where you explain that when you change how you perceive the world, you change the world indirectly. You also quote two famous guys.” She pulled out some index cards and began reading to me.
‘When we take people,’ thou wouldst say, ‘merely as they are, we make them worse; when we treat them as if they were what they should be, we improve them as far as they can be improved.’
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, Wilhelm Meister’s Apprenticeship, 1795.
“And the other one was,” she continued.
“If you treat people to a vision of themselves, if you apparently overrate them, you make them become what they are capable of becoming. You know, if we take people as they are, we make them worse. If we take them as they should be, we help them become what they can be.
Attributed to Viktor E. Frankl, by John Maxwell in Developing the Leader Within You
1993.
She looked up expectantly, as if to say, ‘See how well I cited that? I nodded my appreciation, and she continued shyly, “I also found this other quote by Viktor Frankl. I think it’s appropriate and would like to add it.”
“By all means,” I told her. She looked down at her cards, and continued reading.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, 1945
“Nice,” I admitted. “Did you actually go out and read his book?”
“No, I just found this Goodreads website with a lot of his quotes,” she confessed. “But do I think that I would like to read at least one of them. His thoughts are really deep, and he lived through so much. Anyway,” she continued, while stashing the cards away. “You essentially say in rule fourteen that we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves; however, the moment we change ourselves, our relationships and circumstances change indirectly.”
“Sounds about right,” I acknowledged.
“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “So that brings us to part two, and how you explain rule fourteen in your second book, Turbulent Tides. In that book, you give us a technique for accomplishing part one of the rule; a tool for examining, even changing, perceptions and relationships. It all has to do with placing people and situations into context. When we put everything into context, we tend to indirectly change our feelings and actions regarding our circumstances.”
“So far you are batting a thousand,” I told her, biting my tongue to keep from asking her to give an example. She had after all asked to take charge of the lesson.
“Well here’s the thing,” she said intently. “All week, I have been practicing the technique, and it actually, really works.”
“You sound surprised,” I half laughed.
“Well, I am sort of surprised,” she confided. “I mean at first, I didn’t have much luck. I’d think of situations or people that I didn’t like or understand, and I’d just get more worked up about them. But then I went back to your rules. I started with rule one, cause and effect, and I remembered that people don’t just show up the way they are, something caused them to behave as they do. Then I thought about rule two, beliefs, and I noticed how what people are taught, or not taught, throughout their lives really influences how they behave. I started to ask myself, ‘What kind of world did they grow up in to make them believe what they do? Why do they believe that men have to be strong and in control? Why do they forgive a man for grabbing a woman, while asking women to stay loyal and accepting. Who taught them that success equals power and money; that sacrifice and compromise shows weakness? I started to imaging living their world, and I swear that I started to feel, well not quite sympathy. It was more like,” she paused looking for the right word.
“Empathy?” I provided softly.
She looked up quizzically, “Is that what it feels like to feel empathy?”
“You tell me,” I shrugged. “Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, without necessarily agreeing with them, or even liking them. Is that how you started to feel?”
“I suppose it was,” she said quietly, then rumbled on. “That’s when I turned to rule three, reflection, and saw how their words and actions reflect their beliefs systems and world view. And what I saw there seemed somehow sad. I think that I even started to feel sorry for them. Then I turned to rule four, focus, and I started to see how when I focused on what I hated about them, I lost the ability to understand the why of things. If I don’t understand the why, I can’t influence the cause. It was about then that I came to strategy, and vacuum, and process; all tools to help build a plan. That was quickly followed by responsibility; a reminder that my plans need to focus on what I control and influence. That’s it’s a waste of time to complain about others when you have no influence over them. I even started to think about ways to increase my influence.”
“Were you developing plans?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“I was starting to,” she admitted. “But I haven’t gotten very far with them yet. I still need to incorporate the last of the rules, attraction, contribution, entropy. It’s a lot to do.”
“What about understanding, persuasion, and indirect effort?” I asked.
“Oh, I’ll incorporate them too. I am listening differently, and understanding the nature of my influence more. As far as indirect effort, and putting things into context, I actually started to see your rules in a new context. How they all work together and reinforce each other. That’s when I emailed you about today,” she smiled shyly. “I wanted you to see that I get it. That all of our lessons haven’t fallen on deaf ears.”
I’m not sure, but I think one or two tears stung my eyes. I do know that I was rendered a bit speechless, which I will note is a rarity for me. I once tried to give someone the silent treatment. It lasted all of two minutes, and even those two minutes felt weird. Not knowing what else to do, I simply reached my hand across the table towards her.
She looked down at my hand and smiled, then back into my eyes. “So what do we tackle next?”
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Navigating a Whackadoodle World: An Epilogue
Some advice from 200 years ago
********
If you would like to have me email you our next episode once it’s gets posted, please join our mailing list.
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Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Fourteen first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
July 9, 2023
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Thirteen, Part Two
The Power of Persuasion and Influence: Some Whackadoodle advice regarding True Believers versus Chronic Deceivers; how to spot them and how to handle them. .…. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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When I got back, she was talking on her cell phone. “Got to go,” she mumbled into it as soon as she saw me. “I’ll call you when I’m through.”
“Everything okay?” I asked, taking my seat across from her.
“Yeah, no problems” she said and shoved away her phone. I waited while she got back into her note taking position. “Okay, I am ready when you are. So teach me how to deal with people who might have questionable, or insincere motives.”
“Well, I suppose we should start with step one,” I said nearly laughing again at her impatience. “Understand the nature of deception. It’s easy to make up a lie, pass on a rumor, speculate about facts, defame a reputation. However, discovering the truth is not easy. It takes time. It takes digging and thought. It takes fact checking and multiple sources. It takes access to witnesses and accurate information. A lie can multiply quickly and spread across the world before the truth has the time to catch up. And once a lie is out there, it’s incredibly hard to clean up.” I waited while she jotted down a few notes before looking up again.
“Okay, step two,” I went on. “Choose your battles wisely. You will never be able to debunk every lie. You will never be able to influence every mind. People tend to cling to their belief systems like leeches on a dog, so determine early whether or not all your tenacity, preparation, strategy, and patience is going to be a wise investment of your time and energy. How important is changing this mind going to be in your overall strategy in life?” Her pen was working overtime, so I pause again to let her catch up.
“Ready for step three?” I asked when she paused to shake out her hand. She nodded mutely, and I continued. “Should you decide your investment is worth the price of all your work, you’ll need to build your case. You can’t debunk a lie unless you can defend the truth, so you’re going to need evidence.”
“What kind of evidence?” she asked without looking up, pen still moving.
“Well,” I considered. “Suppose someone keeps insisting that former President Drumpf had every right to keep Presidential documents at Mar-a-logo because of the Presidential Records Act. Well, if you want to refute that statement, you had better have the actual Act bookmarked on your phone, so you can pull it up and offer to read it with them. You can ask them where in the document it says that Presidential records belong to the former President, when the Act clearly states, ‘The United States shall reserve and retain complete ownership, possession, and control of Presidential records; and such records shall be administered in accordance with the provisions of this chapter.‘”
She looked up at last, saying, “So the kind of evidence that could hold up in court?”
“Pretty much,” I agreed. “In fact, that’s a good way of thinking about it.”
“What is?”
“As if you’re going to court,” I said, then added. “Where making an accusation without evidence will get your case tossed out on lack of merit. Where if you argue conjecture rather propositions, your arguments gets stricken from the record.”
“So if you have no evidence to back up your understanding of the truth, you what? Simply let the matter go?”
“Sometimes you retreat from battle, so you can fight another day.”
“Hum,” she grunted and jotted something down. Looking up, she informed me, “I’m ready for step four.”
“Okay, step four. You should determine whether you are dealing with a true believer or a chronic deceiver because doing so will determine your step five.”
“So you treat them differently depending on if they believe the lies, or if they don’t believe the lies?” she asked to clarify.
“Absolutely,” I confirmed. “True believers and chronic deceivers have very different motivations. True believers generally just want to pass on the truth as they see it. They get frustrated when people don’t take them seriously. They worry about others being deceived by hidden forces and gullible naysayers. Moreover, when a true believer become radicalized, they can become accepting of and prone violence and threats. This is especially true if their cult leaders have taught them that making threats and knocking heads together is perfectly acceptable behavior. On the other hand, Chronic deceivers know that they’re lying, but they don’t see lying as wrong. They see lying as a survival strategy, and a way of life. In many cases, they believe the only way to succeed in life is to lie, and that only suckers, wimps, and losers don’t lie. They even believe that their ability to deceive without getting caught show how strong and clever they are.” I paused for a breath before concluding. “When considering true believers versus chronic deceivers, you need to recognize they have extremely different motives and belief systems.”
“You know,” she looked up from her notes suddenly. “That reminds me of this survey I heard about recently.”
“Who did the survey?” I asked without thinking.
“I can’t remember,” she confessed. “I was listening to one of those commentator shows my mom always watches. It was one of the commentators who mentioned it.”
“You know how I feel about uncited sources.” I warned.
“I know, I know,” she flapped her hands at me. “But he’s the one who didn’t cite the source, not me. And it was really interesting. One of the questions on the survey was, ‘Who would you most likely support in the 2024 election for president, Donald Trump or Joe Biden?‘”
“Oh, that is interesting,” I commented dryly.
“That’s not the interesting part,” she retorted. “The interesting part was the next question. They asked, ‘Which of the following statements best describes the world as you see it? A. The world is full of dangerous circumstances and untrustworthy people that we must be able to defends ourselves against. Or, B. The world is full of good people and amazing possibilities if only we learn to accept each other’s differences, communicate fully, and work together.‘” She looked at me expectantly.
“And…,” I prompted.
“The survey results showed that like 75% of Trump supporters chose option A, the world is scary and dangerous and we need tools to defend ourselves; while 75% of Biden supporters chose option B, the world would be perfect if we could just get along and work together.”
“Both results were 75%?” I raised my eyebrows.
“I said, ‘like 75%,” as in about 75%,” she said in defense. “But don’t you think it’s interesting that such an overwhelming number of people have such radically different way of seeing the world?”
“Interesting, but not surprising,” I nodded. “And perhaps something to consider when dealing with those deeply held beliefs of the true believers.”
“How do you mean?”
“Step five for the true believer,” I smiled. “Do not attack their beliefs directly because that will only make them consider you as one of the people against them. It will make them defensive, and destroy any influence or rapport you may have with them. In other words, you never tell a cult follower that they are living in a cult, and you never bad talk the cult leader. If you do, you become one of the many thousands who simply don’t understand and who are bent on destroying their cult. Do you see?”
She nodded soberly. “So you basically treat true believers like you would treat a cult follower, even if they are not in a cult.”
“What is a cult if not a group of people blindly believing in something or someone without question?”
“I suppose that’s one definition,” she conceded. “But if you don’t attack their beliefs directly, do you attack them indirectly?”
“I prefer the word expand to attack,” I told her. “Much less likely to invoke hostility; but yes, you indirectly introduce them to ideas that expand their beliefs. If they believe that the LGBTQ+ community is dangerous and to be feared, you invite them over to your best friends house, and after they tell you how great it was to meet your friend, you tell them, ‘I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself. I was afraid that you would be uncomfortable meeting a gay man.’ Or, if you have some ten year old tell you that she doesn’t want to join your culture club because her grandmother says that all the bad people come from Africa, you remind her, ‘But Mr. Larry is black. He’s good isn’t he? And I thought you liked Obama. Is Obama a bad man?'”
“Is Mister Larry real?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
“Yes. He’s black, gay, and the best afterschool administrator I ever had the pleasure of working with.”
She heaved a sigh. “Sound like expanding a mind takes a long time.”
“Didn’t I warn you that confronting deception takes a lot of tenacity, preparation, strategy, and most of all patience? In the end, true believers will only leave their cults when they start questioning and doubting their own cult leaders. All you can do is lead them to the questions. Only they can change their minds. Of course it also help to get them away from their cult as much as possible,” I added with a shrug. “Cult followers tend to reinforce each others beliefs, so you want to open up their world as much as possible to get them less focused on fear and anger.”
“What if they bring up something their cult believes, but you know is false?” she asked abruptly.
“Oh then, you need to defend the truth,” I assured her. “Usually, people bring up their beliefs either because they want you to agree with them or because they’re hoping to convert you. You shouldn’t to do either. Instead, you should defend your truth with specific evidence. They say that the 20/20 election was stolen. You point out that over sixty courts threw out all the election fraud cases for lack of merit and evidence. They inform you that the courts are all corrupt. You say, ‘I find it hard to believe that conservative Judge Stephanos Bibas is corrupt or bias. Have you see his ruling, or followed the case?'”
“I suppose they wouldn’t have much to say about that,” she suddenly laughed.
“A question about specific evidence tends to get people a bit befuddled when they have yet to find the answer. Your goal is to get them seeking answers outside of the cult. And try to stay patient. As I point out in rule two, eliminating a belief is nearly impossible, but expanding a belief can be surprisingly easy.”
She simply nodded quietly, then asked, “So does that take care of true believers?”
“I suppose so,” I replied.
“Then what is step five for a chronic deceiver?”
“Ah,” I began. “Step five for a chronic deceiver is to understand their world view. Chronic deceivers don’t believe that lying is bad. It’s getting caught in the lie that’s bad. They look at lying as a success strategy, and getting away with the lie just proves how clever they are.”
“Makes sense,” she mumbled, her pen moving again.
“Of course there are degrees within the chronic deceiver matrix,” I felt forced to add. “You have those who lie to stay out of trouble, or to avoid ratting on a colleague. There are those who avoid the truth by staying silent, or by using the one of the many D’s of deception: they discredit an authority; they deny any knowledge; they deflect attention; they distract the listener; they defame their accuser; they delegitimize institutions; they dehumanize their adversaries; they dodge your questions, and they deceive one another. This type of deceiver may not start the deception, but they do nothing to stop it. On the other hand, it’s the truly chronic deceivers who start the lies, and they unusually do it to simply to get what they want, or get away with something that others might consider wrong.”
“What do you suppose they think their lying will get them?”
“Oh, it varies. Sometimes money. Sometime power. Sometimes influence. Sometimes a it’s just about an image they have of themselves. Sometimes it’s all four combined. But mostly, they just want you to believe them and nothing else, not even your own eyes.”
We sat in silence for a while, when I felt compelled to add something. “There’s another thing that chronic deceivers tends to do. They like to get ahead of a story, so that you hear their version first. I remember this one time at my after school program, one of my regulars came into class demanding that I do something about these four kids that she’s seen shop lifting from the local store. I asked my assistant to take over, while I went into my office with her to get the whole story. I thanked her, and told her that I would take care of it. Pretty soon the other kids started coming in. One by one, I took each of the accused kids into my office to slowly pull out their versions. Come to find out that all four eventually placed the original accuser at the scene of the crime. They said that she had dared them to do it, and had actually taken a cut of their spoils.”
“Why do you think she told you first?” she asked confused. “I mean, you might not have found out anything if she hadn’t brought it to your attention.”
“I think that she wanted me to hear her version before I heard anything from someone else. Like I said, chronic deceivers often do that because the versions we hear first can’t help but shape how we perceive any other versions. Chronic deceivers thrive in chaos and uncertainty.”
“On man, I hope you have a step six for dealing with them.”
“Actually, I have a step six, a step seven, and a step eight,” I assured her. “But I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about them.”
“That’s okay, let’s hear them,” she replied.
“Step six: Learn to spot their fallacies, their deflections, their denials, and their distractions. Become familiar with the fallacies they may use to make their lies more palatable.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re telling me to review my notes on those lecture we had about Teaching Logic in a Whackadoodle World,” she accused.
“You bet I am,” I concurred. “Why else do you think I made teaching you about logical fallacies the main focus of our first few lessons together? So you could forget everything?”
“Okay, fine,” she sighed. “What’s step six?”
“Catch them in their deception, call their lies out, but don’t call them lairs.”
She shook her head. “I still don’t understand why it’s bad to call liars liars,” she insisted.
I gave a huge sigh, and explained for what felt like the hundredth time, “Because if you call them liars, you will just end up defending yourself. They will use your attack as a chance to distract from the original lie by telling people how outrageous and nasty you are calling them names. You don’t want to give them a chance to deflect. Instead, you call out the lie by defending the truth. That being said, what tools do you think that you might need to defend the truth?”
“Let me guess,” she said dryly. “Specific and irrefutable evidence that disproves the lie while providing the truth. To do that, I need to be well informed and extremely prepared. I might have to do some research and fact citing, so I’d better chose my battles wisely.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I grinned.
“Hum,” she complained. “I thought there would be more to it.”
“Well maybe if I give you an example, you might see how well it can work,” I suggested. “The other day, I was watching a televised town hall for one of the presidential candidates, when a young man from the local high school got up to ask a simple yes-or-no question. ‘Sir, do you believe that the 20/20 election was filled with fraud and stolen from the former president?’ Well, the candidate didn’t dare offending anyone there by answering directly, so he dodged the question. He began pontificating about the importance of free and fair elections, and how people need to be able to believe in election integrity, which is something that everyone pretty much agrees with. It was a non-answer used to hide the truth. Something worth pointing out by a truth defender.”
“How would you point it out?”
“Well if I were in the room, I might ask my own question. Something like, ‘Excuse me sir, but a minute ago, that young man asked a simple yes-or-no question. Do you believe that the 20/20 election was filled with fraud and stolen from the former President? You didn’t really give him a solid answer, and I think he deserves one, don’t you?’ I’d try to point out the dodge, and hold him to the original question.”
“And if you weren’t in the room?”
“Then I’d point out the dodge to anyone watching the telecast with me. I might even add the incident to an article I am writing. I’d probably also point out that anyone afraid to answer a simple yes-or-no question is not somebody I’d trust with the Presidency.”
“Right,” she nodded. “I think that I’m ready for step seven. Would you like a drum roll?”
“Always,” I said, and watched as she merrily drummed on the table in front of her. “Okay, that’s enough,” I eventually told her. “Step seven is actually a warning. Nobody likes being caught spreading deceit, so don’t expect them to instantly admit their guilt and make everything all right. Sometimes the best outcome is that they stop trying to deceive you. However sometimes, they might try to put you in you place. Whenever that’s the case, I suggest that you don’t engage.”
She looked up startle. “What! Do you mean just walk away?”
“No, I mean don’t let them draw you into some pissing contest. You’ve told them what you know. You have told them how to verify the information, so the rest is up to them. If you start trying to discredit their deflections, you won’t win. They’ll just talk right over you without hearing a word you say.”
“So basically, ‘When they go low, you go high,‘” she quoted the former first lady sarcastically.
“No, I am saying, ‘When they go low, you stay smart.’ You know the principles of communication and understanding. If they start showing red or yellow body language, you know they’re not listening to you, so why bother talking. It’s just a waste of your time and energy. More than that, you’d be feeding into their attempt to cloud the issue. Remember, chaos and confusion are their friends.”
“So I just let them burn themselves out until I see green body language again?” she asked with a touch of resignation.
“Unless you can think of something better,” I shrugged. “Besides, when you think about it, no truly chronic deceiver will ever admit defeat. They will just wrap themselves up in more lies until they start to look foolish. And they will only stop living in lies when those lies stop working for them. Sometimes, the best you can do is ensure that those lies don’t get passed on as truth.”
“Kind of depressing,” she confessed.
“Well, look on the bright side,” I smiled softly. “Once they know that you’re onto their tricks, they might think twice about using those tricks on you again.”
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Coming Next Week
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Fourteen
The Power of Indirect Effort
********
If you would like to have me email you our next episode once it’s gets posted, please join our mailing list.
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Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
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The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Thirteen, Part Two first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
June 26, 2023
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Thirteen, Part One
The Power of Persuasion and Influence: A Whackadoodle lesson about rapport, and why so many people seem to prefer name calling and pointing fingers to following the second rule of persuasion .…. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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I’d been think about how to approach our lesson on persuasion and influence all week, so as soon as she made herself comfortable, I began, “Alright, let’s have a quick review of the persuasion process before we…” I was interrupted by an over-the-top groan. “Did you want to add something?” I asked sweetly.
“Do we really have to review the process again?” She asked giving a huge emphasis to the word again. “You already reviewed the entire sales process in that article you wrote about ‘How to Not Piss Off Your Prospects.’ You remember,” she insisted. “The one about that telemarketer who pissed you off. It was really funny.”
“Yeah,” I recalled, not quite patting myself on the back. “It was a pretty good article.”
“And,” she continued. “Not only was it funny, but the story made it clear how the the process is supposed to work when it’s done right. So I really don’t think we need to review the entire process. I’ll just go back and reread the article.” she finished with a flourish.
“Sure but, there are some new thoughts I wanted to add,” I objected.
“So just add them,” she threw out her arms. “But remember, you promised last week to discuss how to handle people with questionable motives. A lesson that I have been waiting for, and I don’t think we will have have time for both.”
“I remember,” I assured her. “But I really think I have to add something to step two: building rapport.”
“So what did you want to add?” She asked with a touch of impatience. “The definition of rapport?”
“No, no, no,” I assured her. “I just think that I need to point out that too many people have forgotten the rapport step completely, or never learned it in the first place. Instead, they resort to name calling. I mean, I turn on the news and all I hear is name calling, name calling, name calling. I open e-mails, or read articles, and they’re full of name calling. And it’s not just one group doing it. I hear it from all sides.” I shook my head before adding, “Nobody has ever been able to build rapport by name calling.”
“What kind of name calling are you talking about?”
I looked her hard in the eye, then began speaking in an attempt to imitate a popular newscaster, “Those MAGA supporters are just willing idiots. They act like members of a cult, practically worshipping their leader, when they’re really just the stupid pawns of a Fascist criminal. It’s like they don’t know how to think critically. Why can’t they see that they’re being led by a wanna be autocrat who cares nothing about them or our democracy? His followers nothing but haters and losers, a bunch of lunatics who want to take over the asylum.” I continued in my normal voice, “Not much rapport building in those statements, is there?”
“Well,” she hesitated. “They might be building rapport with people who agree with them.”
“True, but are they building any rapport with those who don’t agree with them?”
“I guess not.”
“Now try this one,” I said, and began imitating a different newscaster. “The woke masses are working to destroy our society, and indoctrinate our children with their unchristian values. They’re elite anarchists who want to defame our heroes, and rewrite our history. They’re invading our country, and letting rapist and murders onto our streets. They defend pederasts while persecuting their political rivals. We must fight like hell to protect our precious democracy from the the radical liberals and their immoral beliefs.” I looked at her expectantly.
“I guess there is not much rapport building there either,” she conceded.
“Did I make my point?” I asked.
“Yes. But,” she answered slowly, as if searching for the right words. “If all that name calling doesn’t persuade, why do they do it?”
“Which they are you talking about?” I asked.
“Politicians, media outlets, people like that.”
“Oh, that’s easy. It’s because political motives and media motives do not generally include persuasion,” I told her flatly.
She looked confused. “So what are their goals, if it’s not to inform and persuade?”
“Media outlets need to build ratings, and they know that inflammatory language, name calling, and finger pointing are much more entertaining than a persuasive argument. A rollicking good show creates a loyal audience. It’s not true of all of media mind you, but it’s true of a lot of them. I’ll will tell you this though. If you know what a reporter thinks about a topic while they are reporting on it, then you’re probably not listening to strict investigative journalism. You’re also being told how to interpret that journalism. As far as politicians are concerned, they need to engage their base. They need to get out the vote. They need to get donations flowing. Sometimes the best way to do that is to ferment anger, division, outrage, prejudice, fear, even violence. Negative emotions can be extremely motivating and influential, but I would not call them persuasive.”
“Hold on,” she interrupted. “Aren’t persuasion and influence kind of the same?”
“Kind of the same,” I agreed. “But not exactly the same. Influence has a broad scope. Many things influence us; our role models, our upbringing, our religion, our culture, our language, our bank accounts, our reputation, our alma mater, our careers, our peers, you name it. Many things influence us, and many things contribute to our influence on others. However, persuasion is a specific attempt made by one individual or group to influence the minds and actions of another individual or group. Essentially, persuasion is an attempt to change a mind.”
“Hum,” she murmured. “I think I get it.”
“Good.” I stretched a bit before continuing, “So did you still want to talk about how to deal with people with questionable, or insincere motives?”
“Of course,” she replied immediately. “I’ve been waiting all week.”
“It’s a good thing that you’re learning how to wait,” I teased, “because confronting deception takes a lot of tenacity, preparation, strategy, and most of all patience. You can’t rush the process.”
“Sure, yeah,” she mumbled, digging into her backpack. She produced a pen and a notebook, turned to a blank page, and looked up at me expectantly.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on her face. “Tell you what, why don’t we take a little break before beginning? I need to visit the ladies.”
“I suppose if I’ve waited a week, I can wait ten minutes more.”
I laughed again. “I promise not to take that long, so keep your pen out.”
*********
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Fourteen, Part Two
The Power of Persuasion and Influence
********
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Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Thirteen, Part One first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
June 14, 2023
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: The Phone Call
A Whackadoodle detour in which my student checks up on me to make sure that I am eating enough, and learns a few other things about diet and depression. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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The phone call came while I was peeling potatoes. “Have you heard from the blood guys?” she asked breathlessly.
She didn’t say hello, or tell me who was calling. She didn’t have to tell me because she’d pretty much been pestering me all week, calling at least once a day. At first, she would simply ask how much I had eaten that day, often threatening to bring me a home cooked meal if she didn’t like my answer. Later she began pestering me about seeing a doctor. Apparently, she had done some Internet research and discovered that depression is often a symptom of some underlying health issue. After three days of, “But it only makes sense to be sure,” I had finally relented, and agreed to take a blood test.
“What did blood guys say?” she asked again.
I laughed gruffly, “You make them sound like vampires.”
“Whatever,” she replied. I could imagine her scowling through the phone lines. “Just tell me what they said.”
I considered reminding her that medical records are private, but I decided that she was in no mood for teasing. “My blood is pretty much perfectly healthy: red, pumping, keeping me alive.”
“Pretty much?” she prompted.
“Well,” I hesitated. “They did spot a pretty noticeable potassium deficiency.”
“So what does that mean?”
“Well, it explains why I have been so weak, dizzy, and exhausted because those are pretty high up on the potassium deficiency symptoms list.”
“So what’s the treatment?”
“You mean after I was able to assure him that I was not bulimic, anorexic, nor the survivor of famine? He recommended that I start by treating the problem with diet and then getting another blood test next month to see if it’s working,” I sighed. “Female over fifty are supposed to get at least 2600mg of potassium per day, so he pointed me to a list of high potassium foods that includes the amount of potassium contained in each severing, and recommend that I use it to keep a food diary.”
“So you got depressed and stopped eating, and the depression got worse because you weren’t eating?” she asked to confirm.
“Evidentially,” I agreed. “Funny thing depression. You get to a point where you don’t feel like cooking for yourself, let alone eating what you have fixed, and suddenly you can’t walk up the hill to the bus stop without resting three times; which of course makes you even more irritable and depressed. Then you start wondering why the people around you don’t notice, even though you have been hiding it because the last thing you want to do is explain yourself to everyone. The contradictions are exhausting.”
“Well, I’m glad that now you have at least part of the answer,” she told me. “So how have things been going?”
“Better,” I admitted. “I managed to finish my article on entropy, and I am about to post another article today. I even managed to climb up the hill to the bus stop without having to pause for a rest.”
“That’s great!”
“Small victories, but victories none the less,” I agreed. “I just hope my family doesn’t get sick of roasted vegetables.”
“Why do say that?”
“Because root vegetables are full of potassium, and roasting them is my favorite way to eat them. In fact, I was just prepping the potatoes when you called.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll let you go then,” she said in a rush. “See you at our next tutoring lesson, okay?”
We said our farewells, and I went back to my potatoes. A few minutes later, I actually found myself humming.
*********
Coming Next Week
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Twelve
The Power of Communication and Understanding
********
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Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: The Phone Call first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Twelve
The Power of Communication and Understanding: A Whackadoodle review of the listening-to-understand process, as well as a few new tools that can help you deal with gaslighting, deception, deflection, and more …. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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My student brought a care package with her to our next lesson. “I looked at that list of foods high in potassium that you linked to,” she explained. “Everything in this trail mix is high on the list. I mixed it myself. You’ve got sunflower seeds, almonds, cashews, banana chips, dried apricots, even some peanut M&Ms. I want you to keep it next to your computer, and the next time you feel too tired to cook, just grab a handful.”
“This is really thoughtful, but you really shouldn’t be spending your money on me,” I said, carefully accepting the gallon size jar.
“I consider it an investment in my future education,” she said waving past me and into the hallway. “Depressed tutors are no fun,” she added over her shoulder as she continued down the hall to the table where we held our lessons.
She started immediately reviewing what she remembered about the listening-to-understand-process. “I know that about seventy percent of how people communicate is through body language, and you recommend one technic for reading body language that you call,” she looked up questioningly. “I don’t remember what you called it.”
“I don’t remember calling it anything,” I shrugged. “I simply compared reading body language to obeying traffic lights. If you see open, green body language, you can pretty much figure that your communication and understanding if flowing well, but if you notice yellow, warning body language then you are in danger of running a red light if you ignore the signals. You need to slow down, and uncover the communication barrier before continuing.”
“So you are looking for body language that signals boredom, misunderstanding, confusion, objections, and things like that, right?” she looked up to confirm.
“Right,” I agreed, then added as an afterthought. “You should also keep an eye on your own body language.”
“You never recommended anything like that in your book,” she said.
“An oversight on my part,” I smiled. “Remember that understanding tends to breakdown in one of four places within the communication cycle.” I counted them off on my fingers, as I continued. “First, when the speaker is trying to find the clearest way to express something. Second, when the receiver is trying to correctly interpret what was communicated. Third, when the receiver is trying to figure out the best response to what they received. Four, when the original speaker is trying to correctly interpret the response. That means that both speaker and receiver have to be open if communication is to flow.”
“Right,” she nodded. “It reminds me of the other day of when my Grandfather’s friend came over. He started lecturing me on not letting my Grandfather use his electric bike any more. ‘He was getting older. It is too dangerous. He could get hurt,'” she mimicked the friend. “He went on and on about it, telling me stuff I already knew. I mean, like I have the right to tell my Grandfather what to do. I couldn’t even look the guy in the eye because I knew he would be able to see my eyes rolling. I was getting so angry, so frustrated; but saying anything felt disrespectful. The funny thing is, I think he somehow recognized that I was getting upset, but he couldn’t figure out why, and just kept on pushing. He acted like I should be grateful for his advice, and I think that he started to get upset because I wasn’t showing gratitude.”
“What did you end up doing?”
“After about ten minutes of holding my tongue, I made some excuse about having to make Grandpa’s lunch, and walked out on him.”
“Yep,” I nodded. “Sounds like you said a lot without saying a word.”
“But nothing was actually communicated, and we sure did not reach understanding,” she said glumly.
“Not every communication needs to end with understanding,” I reassured her. “Just the ones that are important to you.”
“I suppose so,” she murmured, and looked down at her backpack. “I guess that brings us the thirty percent of how people communicate–emotional tone. Do they sound irritated, interested, bored, sarcastic, serious, scared, frustrated, doubtful, open, curious, guilty, contemptuous? Stuff like that.”
“What was your emotional tone when you finally opened your mouth and excused yourself to make lunch?” I couldn’t help but ask.
She thought back, “I didn’t say anything mean, but my voice was very tight. I was short with him, and left before he could say anything to stop me.”
I watched her sit in silence for a moment, and eventually prompted, “And what about the final ten percent?”
“What,” she looked up startled. “Oh right, the final ten percent of how people communicate is in their words.
“And what do we need to keep in mind with regards to words?”
“That many of the words we use are subjective and have more than one meaning, so we need to make sure that both the senders and the receiver are using the same meaning.”
“Can you cite an example?”
She thought for a moment, “I suppose BML is a good example. If you know what BML means, you can use the acronym, but if some doesn’t, it is best to use the the full term, Black Lives Matter. On top of that, some people define the BLM movement as a group of people trying to protest and draw attention to the police brutality suffered overwhelmingly by young black people; while other people define the BML movement as a group of violent radicals bet on uprooting a system they depend on.”
“And why does that matter?”
“Because if you don’t clarify what you mean by BML, you are going to end up struggling over semantics, rather than reaching a common understanding. I mean, I don’t think that anyone agrees that an innocent unarmed black man should be shot in the back by a police officer ever; but what what people end up arguing about is the BLM movement, rather than the injustice that brought about that movement.”
“So what would you do if you ran into a situation where you defined BML one way, and they defined it another, but you still wanted to reach an understanding?”
“I suppose I would stop using the word with them, and start taking about police involved shootings, so that we could communicate with definitions be both share. I might even ask them what they thought people should do when they saw an injustice.”
“Good” I smiled. “It’s important to avoid weaponized words when trying to reach an understanding.”
“What do you mean weaponized?”
“Words which are often used to create division rather than create understanding. Words like Nazi, Fascist, Radicalized, Liberal, MAGA, Woke. Those are just a few that I’ve heard tossed around lately. They work fine if you are trying to get the people who are already on your side worked up, but they don’t really broker understanding among people with conflicting definitions.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well you end up arguing over what it means to be Woke, and whether or not calling someone a Fascist is an appropriate use of the word. Much better to focus on any specific actions that might make you want to use those words, especially when dealing with conflicting definitions.”
“Hum,” she grunted with a nod. “So I guess that we have just two more steps to review. People need to listen reflectively, which basically means to consider how what they’re saying might reflect their worldview. In fact, you think this step is so important the you have a whole other rule about the power of reflection,” she paused for a moment, and then finished with a grin. “Finally, when in doubt paraphrase what you’ve heard, and ask if you have understood correctly. This confirms accurate understanding before continuing.” The look she sent me spoke volumes. I could almost hear her thinking, “Aren’t I a good student?“
“They aren’t really separate steps, you know,” I grinned back. “You’ve got to get so good at all five parts, that you can can accomplish all five at the same time automatically. Plus, you forgot one.”
“What do you mean I forgot one?” she asked with a tinge of outrage.
“To be more accurate,” I held up my hands in surrender. “I forgot one. One that I have only recently decided to add considering our Whackadoodle times.” That seemed to pique her interest.
“Okay,” she said, and waited for me to explain.
“I have decided that you also need to listen for their motivation.”
“Motivation,” she repeated uncertainly.
“Yeah, you know. Are they being sincere, or are they try to gaslight you? Are they hoping for feedback and advice, or do they simply need to vent their frustration? Are they seeking approval, or an opinion? Are they trying to provide a valuable service, or are they just trying to get money out of you? Are they using words to heal, or are they using words to enflame? Are they being direct and truthful, or are they trying to deflect, deny, delay, distract, deceive, deflect, defame, or delegitimize.”
“That’s a lot of D words,” she commented drily.
“I know,” I admitted. “Can you tell that I’ve been working on the list?”
“Ha,” she snorted. She began playing with one of the cords that hung from her backpack. “So what do you do if run into situations where people are trying to deceive, or deflect, or any of those other D words?” she asked almost shyly.
“I’ve thought about it a lot,” I assured her. “And I’ve decided that the first step is to simply notice their motivations. I’ve also decided that the best way to do that is through something that I am going to call critical listening.”
“Critical listening?” Her brows furrowed. “You mean like critical thinking?”
“Yep, just like with critical thinking, you need to objectively consider whether or not you can accept what they are saying at face value, or if you need to dig deeper for the truth. And In order to do that, you need to ask yourself a number of questions.”
“Like what?”
“Well”, I paused to think. “Are the people you encounter able to consider alternate explanations, or are they just pushing one agenda? Are they offering rumors, hearsay, and speculation, or they providing examples, proof, and evidence? Are their words designed to clarify, or to distract. Are their arguments logical, or strewn with fallacies?”
“As I recall,” she began a bit nervously. “There are an awful lot of fallacies.”
“Then it might be a good time to break out your copy of Teaching Logic in a Whackadoodle World, and have a bit of a review.”
“You just want people to check out your book,” she accused.
“Nice,” I laughed. “You picked up on my motivation.”
“You still haven’t explained how to handle someone who has questionable motivations,” she reminded me.
“True,” I acknowledged. “But what you should do has less to do with listening, and more to do with influence and persuasion. So I say, let’s call it a day, and pick up on the what you should do next week.”
“After I have had a chance to review the fallacies?” she teased.
“Obviously,” I said standing up. “Now get out, and go see if you can find something fun to do for the rest of the day.”
“Aye, aye,” she saluted laughing. She was still laughing as she walked out the door.
*********
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Thirteen
The Power of Persuasion and Influence
********
If you would like to have me email you our next episode once it’s gets posted, please join our mailing list.
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Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Twelve first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
December 25, 2022
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Eleven
The Power of Entropy: A Whackadoodle example of what happens when you let entropy take over your life, along with some excellent advice from a friend regarding nourishment. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
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I received an emergency email from my precocious young student the night before our weekly tutoring session:
Dear Miss Lynn,
I think I know why you have been stuck for the past few months on your rule Eleven prequel. Please don’t delete anything more until I get there tomorrow.
Can’t wait to share it with you!!!!!!!!
I have to admit that I had been struggling with writing about rule eleven for months. Ironic that I was feeling the impact of entropy at the very moment that I was required to write about it.
For those of you who don’t know, entropy is a a complicated word that has multiple meanings depending on which specialist is using it. The word has different connotations within diverse fields, from classical thermodynamics, where the tendency for closed working systems to run out of energy was first recognized, to the microscopic description of nature in statistical physics, and to the principles of information theory. According to Wikipedia, entropy has found far-ranging applications in chemistry and physics, in biological systems and their relation to life, in cosmology, economics, sociology, weather science, climate change, and information systems including the transmission of information in telecommunication.
For me, entropy has always reminded me that without nourishment and input, systems tend to fall apart. You know; if you don’t put oil in your engine, your engine will seize up. If you stop introducing your mind to new ideas, your mind will start dismissing new ideas. If you stop finding a way to laugh and spread joy, you start to forget how important laughter and joy is. And if you stop eating, you get too weak to go food hunting.
For an artist like me, that nourishment tends to come from a sense of community and feedback. The applause at the end of a play. A review that you can cut out of the paper and send to your mom. A paying contract that allows you to share work that you love. A great new story that demands to be told.
When writers receive no feedback, they start to worrying that they’ve been talking to themselves. Entropy at work. Systems falling apart.
For politicians, nourishment tends to comes from donations, media attention, votes, and in the best cases, community feedback. For media, the feedback tends to comes from ratings, clicks, shares, and whether or not they can fill their stockholders’ pockets. Which reminds me; these days, media has taken over the news.
When I was young, the news was boring. It was broadcast twice each evening: from six to seven, then repeated from ten to eleven. Sometimes there was an early morning broadcast. The broadcasters simply stated the facts, and then cited their evidence. More importantly, the federal equal time rule and the now-repealed fairness doctrine, required broadcasters to treat all political candidates equally in terms of air time, and to always include all sides in any controversial issue.
These days, the media is everywhere at all times. We carry the media around in our pockets. The equal time rule and fairness doctrines are largely ignored. Instead, the media is more often full of opinions rather than information. People hear one side of an argument, but seldom get to hear the many other sides. More often than I like, the media contains little more than us-versus-them name calling.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a good opinion, but opinion is not news unless that opinion also includes evidence, proof, and facts. Without the nourishment of proof, evidence, and facts, our ability to distinguish truth from fiction begins to fall apart.
Anyway, my student came into our session the next day ten minutes early, swung her backpack down on my kitchen table, and said with a flourish, “You forgot one.”
“Greetings to you too,” I said, taking a sip of my tea as I sat down across from her backpack.
“Sorry, sorry,” she said, pulling out her chair. “It’s just that I realized yesterday that you forgot one.”
“I forgot one what?” I asked between sips.
“In rule eleven, you have seven major assets that need nourishment: body, emotions, mind, spirit, environment, finances, relationships.” She’d counted them off on her fingers before looking me in the eye. “I think that you forgot one, and it’s an important one. Maybe the most important of all.”
“And which one was that?”
“Community,” she said, sitting down with emphasis. “I mean what about our local communities, our local politics, our local educational systems, our local businesses? Don’t we need to invest in them, so they don’t fall apart.”
“Sounds like you think I’ve forgotten more than one thing that needs nourishment.”
“Well I think they all kind of fall into the same category,” she explain with excitement. “Maybe we should call it Civic Engagement.” I couldn’t help but smile, which caused an immediate reaction. “Why are you laughing at me?” she asked with a scowl.
“Because when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t trying to save the world,” I answered. “I was just trying to help people solve their own problems.”
“And you think that I am trying to save the world?” she asked a bit dumbfounded.
“Well aren’t you?” I replied. “You want to take on local politics, local education, local businesses, and goodness knows what else.”
“I don’t want to take on anything,” she insisted. “I just think that community should be something we invest in.”
“And I agree,” I assured her. “Unfortunately, it is hard to invest when you have nothing left to invest.”
“So do you think it’s too late to invest in a community?”
“No,” I laughed. “It’s never too late to invest. The question is whether individuals want, or are able, to invest. In my first book, I was focused on the ways people could nourish themselves. I didn’t included how they could also nourish their communities because if you’ve not invested in yourself, it’s difficult to invest in your community.”
“Is that why you chose to focus on just those seven? Why you called them the seven major life assets? Because if those seven areas of your life are falling apart, it is hard to invest in anything else?”
“I suppose so,” I agreed, standing up to refill my tea cup. “I suppose that I focused on them because at the time, they seemed the most important assets an individual needed to nourish. I never considered the need to nourish our economy, our democracy, or our world because, at the time, our economy, our democracy, and our world seemed to be nourishing themselves. My mistake. One must never underestimate the power of entropy.”
“What do you mean that they seemed to be nourishing themselves?”
“I grew up watching a president who committed a crime actually be forced to resign by his own party. You have grown up watching a president being impeached twice, even though both parties knew that there was no way a Republican Senate would convict him.” I added as an afterthought, “It was like the trial in To Kill a Mockingbird.”
“How do you mean?” she asked confused.
“Atticus Finch took Tom Robinson’s case, knowing he would likely lose because the jury had already made a decision before any evidence had been presented. Same thing happened with Forty-Five’s two impeachments. We all knew before the trial began that the house would impeach him and the Senate would acquit him. Still, you have to honor any attempt at justice.” I looked at her and shook my head. “Sorry kid. I guess that I am trying to explain that I grew up thinking that our government actually worked.” I looked at her sadly.
“And I did not,” she finished for me.
I nodded and sat back down. “I never saw police brutality the way you see it, captured on video. I never lived through climate change the way you are living through it. I never noticed how slow the justice system works, and how often it fails.” I put down my tea cup with a ironic smile. “I grew up watching the Berlin wall come down. I grew up when the world felt less dangerous, and when the rule of law seemed to be working. The Civil Rights Act had just been passed, and the Voting Rights Act came soon after.” I stared down into my tea cup before continuing. “If I were one to think optimistically, I would say that the past few years have taught me more about civics, justice, education, politics, and international relationships than any AP course ever could. I only wish that I had learned those things when I was your age.”
“Well, I am my age, and I have lived through them,” she told me. “I have actually learned quite a bit about them during the past few years myself.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “I think you have.”
“So how do we fix the things that are broken?”
“Tell me what things you mean,” I retorted. “Good lord, if I were to try to explain all the systems that need better nourishment; plus the many ways those systems have been either nourishment, starved, or corrupted; I would be writing forever and this post would never get posted. Entropy effects everything.” I threw my arms up in the air in an explosion of emotion that surprised even me.
“But doesn’t entropy say that it’s closed systems that fall apart? That it’s closed systems that eventually become inert and irrelevant?” she continued emphatically. “So how do we open up those systems? Surly there are few things that all those systems have in common?”
I looked her in the eyes and finally smiled. “I might start with the energy of young people like you. Young energy is always full of new ideas, new questions, and new ways of looking at things. Young energy always adds to any conversation. Could be why I like tutoring so much,” I added as an afterthought.
“Sure, great, you like tutoring,” she waved her hands in the air. “What do we do to open all the systems up, and get them growing again?”
“With energies like yours,” I repeated. “Why do you think autocrats always try to restrict information and education? Why do they always want to ban books? Why do they want to make it harder for people to vote?” I asked, then decided to answerer my own question before she had a chance to consider it. “Because they are afraid of young minds like yours. They are afraid of what changes you might make.”
“Why do adults always expect young people to do everything?” she asked in disgust.
“Maybe because us old fogies are feeling the effects of entropy,” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You’re not an old foggy,” she retaliated. “You’re just stuck.”
“Stuck?”
She stared at me for a while then added in a calm voice, “I know how many times you have tried to rewrite this article, always trying to make it perfect,” she shook her head at me. “As you well know, there is no such thing as perfect. I think that trying to be perfect has closed you off. Even your fourteen rules are subject to entropy.”
“Too right,” I admitted with a snort.
She shot me one of her stern, probing looks, “No,” she muttered to her self. “It’s more than being stuck.” She sat bolt upright. “When was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered. “Sometime yesterday.”
“What was it?”
“I don’t remember.” She said nothing, waiting for my answer. “Okay,” I thought back. “I think maybe I had yogurt and a banana.”
“That’s all you had all day?” I shrugged in agreement and she continued, asking, “What about the day before?”
“I don’t know. Maybe some toast.”
“How often do you go all day without eating anything?” Her eyes narrowed.
“Okay, you got me,” I lifted my hands in surrender. “I skip eating a lot. Sometimes, I am just too tired to eat,” I added defensively.
“You’re tired all the time as well?” she asked thoughtfully. “How do you feel when you wake up?”
“Like going back to sleep,” answered drily. “What’s your point?”
She ignored me, and switched topics. “When was the last time you posted an article?”
“I don’t remember,” I shrugged. “I think it was sometime last December.”
She counted the months out on her fingers, then informed me, “That’s more than five months ago.”
“Thanks for pointing out my failures,” I said with as much snark as I could muster. “Otherwise, I might not have noticed them.”
Her head cocked to one side. “What do you know about the Pennsylvanian Senator John Fetterman?” she asked abruptly.
Rather startled by her question, I thought for a moment, then decided it was easiest to just answer her. “Well, I know that he was Pennsylvania’s Lieutenant Governor before he ran for a Senate seat. I know that he ran some truly funny ads during his last election campaign. I know that I love how he used humor instead of attacks throughout his campaign. I also know that he had a stroke one month before the general election, but he still won.”
“Did you know that he check himself into the hospital because he was suffering from depression?” she interrupted.
“Yeah, I’d heard that.”
“Once time, when he got interviewed about it,” she continued. “He said that the symptoms that tipped him off were a loss of appetite, wanting to sleep all the time, and a feeling of disengagement.”
“A feeling of disengagement?” I echoed.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “Like you just stop caring about the stuff you used to care about because you don’t really have the energy to do anything but sleep. You also don’t have the energy to care about yourself, let alone someone else.”
“And you think that’s me,” I concluded for her.
“Well, it would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?”
“Interesting diagnosis, Doctor Druthers,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And what exactly is your recommended treatment?”
“Well I’d start with breakfast,” she said getting up and heading to my refrigerator. “And it would hurt for you to start following some of you own advice about feeding your seven major life assets,” she added from behind the door. “All that sleep has obvious starved them.”
“I’d don’t think so,” I countered. “Feeding my body, emotions, mind, spirit, environment, finances, and relationships sounds exhausting.”
She stood up to glare at me over the door. “You don’t have to feed every one of them at once. You might just start by admitting to yourself that you’re depressed. Maybe start reaching out to others. Letting them know how you’ve been feeling. Try to uncover your depression’s roots. Ask for help occasionally. Find a friend who understands. Stop trying to hide it.” She bent over and began rummaging through my food, looking for something appetizing. “Besides,” she went on from behind the door, “You say in your book that many activities can feed all seven at the same time.” she paused, grunting, then added. “How does a toasted cheese sandwich with a side of fruit sound?”
“Add a few tomato slices to the sandwich, and it sounds kind of heavenly,” I admitted with a sigh.
I watched her bustle through my kitchen, painstakingly assembling a tasty meal just for me, when suddenly tears began filling my eyes. I was saved from breaking down by a sudden growling of my stomach, followed instantly by an insatiable desire to giggle. The growl had been loud enough for her to hear, and she started to laugh with me. “At least your stomach knows what it wants,” she quipped.
I thought back to to the moment I had started this article. I had so many plans for it, quickly discarded. I was planning to answer my student’s original question. How do we invest in our communities, our nation, and our world? What tools do we have that encourage growth? How does one boycott? How does one build a community? How does one mount an effective protest? How do we hold our media and corporations to just standards of conduct? For that matter, what systems do we have in place to hold our elected and appointed officials accountable? Finally, how do we educate ourselves and others regarding these tools?
Once it became clear that answering her questions would require a book in itself, rather than an article explaining the effects of entropy, I did a lot of deleting, and began looking for other possibilities. For a while, I played with the idea using the House’s 1929 Permanent Reapportionment Act, which permanently capped House membership to 435, as an example of how entropy effects our government. In 1929, each Representative served less that 300,000 constituents, even though our Constitution requires “The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative.” In 1929, Representative Edgar Crumpacker of Indiana apposed the new act, declaring at the time:
“Members are . . . supposed to reflect the opinion and to stand for the wishes of their constituents. If we make the ratio [of persons per Representative] too large the idea of representation becomes attenuated and less definite. The personal interest of the voter in his representative becomes less important to him, and we may lose something of the vital strength of our representative form of government.”
https://history.house.gov/Historical-...
I tend to agree with him, especially when today each Representative serves somewhere between 542,704 to 990,837 constituents, depending on which state they represent.
I also played with the idea of using the Judiciary Act of 1869 to examine how limiting the number of justices on the Supreme Court to nine, had allowed entropy to creep into our justice system. In 1869, America had nine circuit courts, so congress decided to appoint one justice per circuit. In addition, all justices were also required to “ride circuit” in their districts every two years. Today, we have thirteen circuit districts, and the justices haven’t been required by congress to ride circuit since congress passed The Judicial Code of 1911. Perhaps a reexamination of those laws might bring some much needed nourishment to our justice systems.
Finally, I considered starting the article over again, and writing about the many things that feed entropy, and discourage growth: obligation, helplessness, stress, loneliness, conflict, loss, grief, resentment, anger, as well as any guilt felt from feeling the above. Of course, as my list kept growing, it started to look more like a book outline than an article about entropy, so I scrubbed that idea as well. It was about that time, I started avoiding my computer.
I was startled out of my reverie by a plate sliding in front of me, and I looked down at her carefully crafted toasted cheese and tomato sandwich, including a side of pickles, chips, and a large helping of yogurt-dressed fruit salad on a bed of lettuce. “There you go,” she said in a light voice. “Hope it’s enough to do the job.” She sidled around to the other side of the table and took her seat. “Okay,” she added, propping her elbows on the table, and her chin on her fists. “I’m all ears.”
“I beg your pardon?” I quipped hesitantly, the sandwich halfway to my lips.
“If you have been depressed, you need to talk about how you got there,” she said emphatically. “I promise that I have been studying rule twelve and have learned a lot about listening reflectively. I am not gonna offer any advice, or opinions. I am not gonna judge you, or bring up well meaning platitudes designed to help you feel better. I am just gonna be your sounding board. We can consider it good practice for next week’s lesson on communication and understanding, okay?” and she punctuated her little speech with a grin full of pride.
“You’re not expecting me to spill my guts out in a public article published on the Internet, are you?”
“Of course not,” she assured me. “I’m simply expecting you to stop typing, feed your face, and trust me to know how to keep a confidence.”
And that’s exactly what I did.
*********
Coming Next Week
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Twelve
The Power of Communication and Understanding
********
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Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Eleven first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
December 11, 2022
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Ten
The Power of Attraction: A Whackadoodle explanation about how the Power of Attraction has nothing to do with the Law of Attraction, along with a link to our Two Question Personality Test. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
________
Instead of pulling out her school books, she pulled out a book that I knew all too well. I had spent nearly ten years mulling over it, one month planning it, one week starting it, fourteen days finishing it, and three months editing it. She got right to the point, “I was reading chapter ten last night, the Power of Attraction. I wanted to be ready for our session today.”
“Cool,” I said. Not knowing what else to say, I waited for her to continue.
She screwed up her face as she considered her next words. “It’s just that you spend a bunch of time comparing the Law of Attraction to the Power of Attraction, and I don’t really see why.”
“Hum,” I smiled to myself, thinking back. “I suppose it’s because I wanted to make sure that anyone who read my chapter on the Power of Attraction would understand that it has nothing to do with the Law of Attraction. Far too many books and articles have been written about the Law of Attraction already; they don’t need me.”
“But I don’t really see the difference,” she insisted. “Attraction is attraction.”
“Oh, the difference is critical,” I assured her. “Perhaps I didn’t explain it well enough in my book. I suppose that the difference is hard to understand if you have never come across someone who believes in the Law of Attraction.”
“I guess that I haven’t,” she admitted.
“Well,” I struggled to explain. “As I understand it, the Law of Attraction is based on a belief that thoughts are actually a form of energy and that positive thoughts manifest more fulfilling relationships, more successful careers, healthier lives, and financially rewarding circumstances. Essentially, people who believe in the Law of Attraction believe the energy of your thoughts manifest your experiences. So positive thoughts manifest positive experiences and negative thoughts manifest negative experience. The author of The Secret, who is a mainstay in this particular belief system, actually states that the secret to success in all areas of your life is to simply ask, believe, and then be willing to receive.”
“Okay,” she said tentatively. “That sounds weird.”
“Well,” I laughed. “She asked Oprah to endorse her book. She believed that Oprah would love her work, and she received the endorsement, along with a primetime interview that shot her book to the best seller list and netted her several million dollars, so I guess it worked for her.” I shrugged.
She cocker her head to one side, considering. “I wonder if the Law of Attraction is the reason one of my friends is always telling us, ‘Let’s not put that out there.'”
“What friend?” I asked, somewhat confused. “Who do you mean?”
“Oh, I have this one friend at school,” she explained. “We hang out together at lunch. Anyway, whenever anybody says anything even slightly negative, even if it’s just a joke, she always tells us, ‘Let’s not put that out there.’ It’s like she’s afraid that saying anything negative is gonna make it happen.”
“That sounds a lot like she might believe in the Law of Attraction.”
“I always figured that she was just superstitious. You know, like when people knock on wood.”
“Or when people blow out birthday candles to gain a wish,” I smiled in agreement. “I don’t know why, but I always feel the need for my birthday wish.”
“Maybe it’s because even though the tradition might be wrong, it also might be right. Either way, I suppose it’s harmless,” she offered.
“So long as it stays harmless.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just that I know of a few people who seem to think that if they just stay positive and believe their own lies long enough, they can actually make their lies come true.”
“Like who?”
“Oh, I don’t know, but does this sound familiar?” I answered, and then began a bad imitation. “I didn’t lose that election. There is no way I could have lost that election. The election was full of fraud. I won that election.‘ Or how about,” I added, and continued with a worse imitation, “I’m not a crook. When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal.”
She said nothing, so I said a bit more softly, “I also know people who believe that their cancer was caused by negative thinking, and can therefore be cured with positive thinking. I’m not sure if blaming your own negative thoughts for an illness set on killing you is especially good for your health–especially if you are fighting cancer.”
She began to nod her head silently in agreement. “Makes me think of that quote in your book.”
“Which quote?” I asked startled.
“The one you start your strategy chapter with. You know, ‘Pessimists complain about the wind. Optimists wait for the wind to change. Leaders learn to adjust their sails,'” she repeated dutifully. “I mean, staying positive does help you keep going, but positive thought alone won’t get you anywhere. You’ve got to take action. You have to follow through. You have to adjust your sails, right?”
“I’ve always thought so,” I agreed. “Thoughts may lead to actions, but it is the action that creates the change.”
“I think that I’m beginning to understand why you’re so determined to make sure people don’t confuse their idea of The Law of Attraction with your rule about the Power of Attraction. I mean, correct me if I am wrong, but your rule has nothing about thoughts manifesting stuff. It’s simply a reminder that people like to hang out with people who think like them.”
“Simply put, but basically correct,” I smiled.
“What did I leave out?”
“Only the whole section about what happens to people when they are around those who don’t think like them,” I reminded her, still smiling. “How they might start to feel uncomfortable, lonely, confused, awkward, out of place, maybe even defensive. The rule explains why people sometime reject change because they don’t want to lose their place in a world they find safe and comfortable. Perhaps the rule even contains a few words of advice as to how to handle those feelings.”
“Okay,” she admitted. “You did put in a lot about that. You even went into the different personality types with your two question personality test, and in your first book you devoted like a dozen pages on how to deal with the ten most difficult behavioral types.”
“I only knew about ten at the time,” I said, my grin widening. “I’ve come to realize that I might have missed a few.”
“I’m not one of them, am I?”
“No my friend, you are certainly not difficult. In fact, you are much less difficult than I am because you are always ready to learn.”
“So are you,” she said in my defense.
“Sure,” I agreed. “But I do have a tendency to defend my ideas rather than listening to the opinions of others. I keep breaking my own rule twelve. Bad habit. I have been trying to work on it.”
“Perhaps I can work on it with you.”
*********
Coming Next Week
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Eleven
The Power of Entropy
********
If you would like to have me email you our next episode once it’s gets posted, please join our mailing list.
_________
If you you enjoyed this post, please leave a comment below. It helps our algorithm.
It would also be great if you shared this post. It also helps our algorithm.
If you would like to join Lynn’s mailing list, or ask a Dear Navigator question click here
Ask the NavigatorYou can reach Lynn Marie Sager at
DearNavigator@gmail.com
Author:
Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
Visit Lynn’s Amazon Author’s Page to read her books
The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Ten first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
November 16, 2022
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Nine
The Power of Contribution and Compensation: A Whackadoodle lesson in setting boundaries and demanding accountability, along with a short reminder in how to add negative numbers. If you have entered this story in the middle, click here for the prologue.
_______
She sat with her head in her chin, watching me check her math homework. “You mentioned last time something about contributing boundaries and accountability if we want to be compensated with fairness and justice,” she reminded me.
“Hum hum,” I murmured, distracted by the mistakes in her math that I kept seeing. At last I looked up, “You’ve got several of these wrong because you keep forgetting how to subtract a negative from a negative. Look here,” I added, pointing to a particular line in her solution, “Negative 8 minus 7 does not equal negative 1. It equals negative 15. You add the two numbers, but you keep it on the negative side of the number line because negative numbers always move left on the number line.”
“But the equation is negative 8 plus a negative 7,” she insisted. “Addition move right on the number line.”
“You are adding another negative. Adding a negative, it is the same as subtracting a positive. They both move left on the number line.”
“This is why I hate math,” she sighed, taking her homework back to stare at it. “Too many weird rules.”
“The rules make more sense if you remember how number lines work.”
She looked up to stare at me blankly. “My teachers have not made us work with number lines since the third grade,” she said dryly.
“Well,” I stared back. “Perhaps if number lines can help you understand why -8-7=-8+-7, and why both equations equal -15, then maybe you should use a number line to help you stop making the same mistake.” I tapped my finger on the back of the paper she was still holding.
She sighed again and began packing up her math. I decided to add, “I’ve circled the answers you’ve gotten wrong. Your mistakes are always based on the same confusion, so I’d like you to fix the rest on your own.”
“Sure, sure,” she assured me, but I had a feeling that I’d see the same mistakes again.
“You seem distracted,” I told her. “What’s on your mind?”
“Your stupid speed bumps,” she mumbled.
I was surprised. “You think speed bumps are stupid?”
“No,” she looked up suddenly. “The county is actually putting in a lot of them. I have a couple that went in close to my house, and you’re right. They make the roads safer for pedestrians, and the answer is so simple. People have to slow down because the consequences of not slowing down effects them immediately. Sort of how people click-train dogs.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I have been trying to figure out how to use speed bumps in other situations,” she grimaced. “Situations that have nothing to do with roads.”
I wasn’t sure if I understood her correctly, so I asked, “By speed bumps, do you mean providing boundaries and accountability to everyone equally?”
“Well duh,” she rolled her eyes.
“So what situations are you talking about?”
“I don’t know,” she scowled. “Take your pick. Let’s start with the justice system; where if you are rich and powerful, you get treated differently than someone homeless and poor. Or how about the media, where if you’re a celebrity, you get noticed, while the rest of us are invisible. Or the Internet, where people are allowed to sell lies for profit, promote their own products, spew hate speech, and promote violence. I mean, people are getting so filled with hate, they go into nightclubs with automatic weapons. Oh, and let’s not forget the school boards who are trying to dictate what kids can learn and what teachers can teach, or the legislatures that are gerrymandering the vote.”
“You’ve got a lot of pent up worry in that heart of yours,” I observed.
“Well double duh!”
I watched her head swing back and forth like a bobble. I asked, “Have you considered that one reason you’ve been feeling so frustrated and worried is because you’ve been spending too much time focused outside your circle of influence and control? Remember, when you worry about situations over which you have no control and little influence, you end up wasting what little energy or power you have.”
I began to re-explain the circle of influence concept when she interrupted me, “No, I am not focused on what I don’t control. I understand the concept perfectly.” She began to imitate me as she continued, “I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I can only influence,” she paused. “I suppose that’s the trouble,” she finished glumly.
“What is?”
“I am not always sure how to use my influence.” She looked up. “In fact, I sort of feel like I have no influence.”
“Nobody starts out with influence,” I assured her, then felt a need to add, “unless of course, they are born into money, celebrity, or power. People like that always have a bit of a head start. However, for most of us, our influence increases in proportion to our contributions; and believe it or not, the most effective contributions have nothing to do with money.”
“Like what?” she looked skeptical.
“Like what are your personal boundaries,” I suggested. “What will you put up with from others? What are you willing to ignore, and what would you be willing to fight for? How far are you willing to go in that fight? And finally, what are you willing to contribute in order to enforce your boundaries?”
“What do boundaries have to do with contribution?”
“Our boundaries are something we contribute to the world around us.”
“What kind of boundaries are we talking about?”
“Oh no, no, no,” I shook my head. “You can’t just adopt other people’s boundaries. You have to determine your own.”
“How can I do that if you don’t give me at least one example?” she said pointedly.
I looked her in the eye, and I knew that she would not let up until I gave her at least one example, “Okay,” I said at last. “One of my boundaries has to do with how I determine my facts.”
“Huh?” I could see she was surprised by my choice of example. “What do facts have to to with boundaries?”
“Well,” I scratched my chin, considering how to explain. “When we are children, we have no boundaries about what we take to be real. Someone tells us about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny; we don’t question them. We go to school, and we accept what our teachers tell us. We never question them. We go to church, or temple, or mosque, but we are not always encouraged to ask questions regarding what we are taught or why. Our boundaries are determined by the people and culture around us.”
“Okay,” she said tentatively.
“When I was younger, I was misled a lot by rumors, speculation, and opinions; so now, one of my personal boundaries is that any statement I hear has to hold up to evidence and scrutiny. I no longer trust one person’s opinion no matter how much I respect, love, or trust them. I need to know their sources. In fact, I like to be able to verify anything I hear using multiple sources, and I never automatically trust a statement from a self-appointed non-authority.”
“What ‘s a self-appointed non-authority?”
“Well, do you remember back when I was leaching you about all the logical fallacies?”
“How can I forget? You even wrote a book about it.”
“Do you remember the argumentum ad verecundiam?”
“I don’t remember anything said in Latin,” she informed me.
“In English, it means Argument from Authority.”
Her brows knitted together as she tried to recall, “Isn’t that the fallacy which says that you should not automatically accept a proposition just because it comes from someone in authority?”
“That’s part of it, yeah,” I nodded. “But the fallacy actually occurs when someone with no authority on a specific subject is used to provide authority on that subject.” She looked confused, so I tried again. “It’s like, you should not take legal advice from a medical doctor, and you should not take medical advice from a practicing attorney, even though they are both authorities within their own fields.”
“Oh right,” she suddenly sat up. “That’s the fallacy where you used the example of that commercial where the man says, ‘I’m not a doctor, but I play one on tv,’ then goes on to give out medical advice, right?”
“Right,” I agreed. “And it’s also the reason that I pretty much ignore any medical advice paid for by a pharmaceutical company. In fact, I pretty much question anything I hear in a commercial, or read on an internet post. If I don’t know the source, I have learned to be skeptical. I am not gonna ask an Atheist about Christianity, and I am not gonna ask a Christian about Atheism.”
She started sucking her lips thoughtfully, “I suppose that makes sense.”
“There’s more,” I added. “I also try to contribute knowledge not rumor, facts not assumptions. I try not to jump to conclusions, and I try to ask the right questions. Questions that require people to speak in specifics.”
“What do you mean, specifics?”
“Well,” I considered. “For example, this morning I was listening to a few people being interviewed as they exited the Georgia Senatorial runoff. This one guy said that he had voted for his candidate because they both ‘thought the same.’ They both believed that the government should stay out of their lives. The interviewer let that statement go, but I would have asked a bunch of follow ups.”
“Like what?”
“I would have asked what part of the government he thought should get out of his life. The police? The fire department? Roads, rail, tunnels, and bridge infrastructure? Voting rights, or voting procedures? The justice system? Military defense? Public schools? Libraries? Environmental protections? Reproductive rights? Civil rights? I would have asked him to tell me what specific changes he would like to make in the government he wants out of his life.”
“I don’t see how that would help. I bet that all those questions would just make him angry.”
“I’ll take that bet,” I retorted. “I don’t think he would instantly get angry. Not if I asked my questions sincerely. Not if my intention was to truly understand his point of view. Not if I wanted to inspire a critical conversation between two distinct points of view, rather than simply mock and demean his point of view.”
“I still don’t see how this has anything to do with contribution, or boundaries.”
“Can’t you see that seeking to understand someone is one of the greatest contributions you can make? It’s easy to dismiss someone that you disagree with as misinformed, deluded, lied to, confused, stupid, prejudiced, enemy, corrupt, or criminal. The list goes on and on, but I have found that labeling others does little to change them. In dealing with people one-on-one, understanding is everything. You need to understand and respect their boundaries, and you need to make clear your boundaries and demand that they respect them.”
“But what if they don’t respect your boundaries?”
“Well that’s a whole other story,” I smirked. “That’s when you need to be able to enforce your boundaries with consequences that matter, without destroying a relationship.”
“I remember in your book, you wrote about three strikes you’re out. You warned the kids in your class that you don’t want them making guns out of Legos; that was strike one. When they still made guns out of the Legos, you explained what would happen if they did it again; that was strike two. When they did it a third time, you took the Legos away from them, so they could not play with them for a month.”
“That kind of thing works with kids when you have some authority,” I laughed. “But it is not that much different with adults.”
“How does it work with adults?”
“You have to get comfortable with setting your boundaries, and then calling people out when your boundaries have been crossed.” I added as a warning, “You will usually have a better result if you call out the action, not the person. Call out the lie, not the liar.”
“You always come back to that concept. I still don’t really get it”
“Well, if you call someone a liar, they can spin what you said into, ‘Why are you calling me a liar? I am not a lair. That is so unjust of you. I’m am the victim here because you’re labeling me. You are destroying my reputation. You are out to get me.'”
“So?”
“Don’t you see that by calling someone a lair, you are giving them an opportunity to put you on the defensive. They can demand that you prove your accusation. However, when you call out a lie by asking for proof and evidence, you are putting the liar on the defensive. You are asking them to prove their lie. Big difference.”
“Hum,” she sat considering my statement. “So what kind of boundaries do you set?”
“Oh man,” I laughed. “That always depends on the circumstances. Will I deny you a reward? Will I not take your phone calls? Will I stage a non-violent protest? Will I boycott your product, or sanction your country? Will I take you to court? Will I contact the media? Will I take away your Legos?” I shook my head before adding, “Your options are only limited by your own imagination. Just be sure that when you create a boundary, you are also ready to enforce it. Go it?”
“Got it.”
“Good,” I smiled before adding one last thought. “And please never forget the most important power of contribution and compensation.”
“What’s that?”
“Contribute violence, and you will be compensated with violence. Contribute understanding, and you will begin to understand.”
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Coming Next Week
Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Ten
The Power of Attraction
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Navigating Life in a Whackadoodle WorldFinding Sense in a Whackadoodle WorldTeaching Logic in a Whackadoodle WorldNavigating Life Through Turbulent TidesA River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating LifeCheck out her website at www.whackadoodleworld.com
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The post Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode Nine first appeared on Whackadoodle World.
