Abhijit Naskar's Blog - Posts Tagged "parenting"
How not to kill a champion
Unfortunate and uncivilized though it may sound, in many parts of the human society, one’s worth is measured by the amount of money one earns, not by the value one adds to the society. And this has become the greatest curse of humankind – the greatest impediment to their global progress. If Mandela, King, Teresa, Bose (the man behind India’s Independence, not the Physicist) and other legends of human history ran like dogs chasing money, instead of thinking of their society, we wouldn’t have a civilized and free world to live in.
But the point is, we still don’t have a truly civilized and free society around the world. The whole world still needs the sacrifice of countless more legends, but the problem is, these legends face nothing but obstruction from their own society. Nevertheless, without the sacrifice of many more heroes in our times, this world can never become the true global abode of peace, harmony and progress for the generations to come.
Therefore, the people who can’t sacrifice anything, must, at the very least, stop being egotistical and know-it-all snobs, and give a hand to those individuals who are trying to make a difference. And if they can’t help in any manner, at least, they must try not to discourage the budding champions of progress. It’s hard as it is for the torch-bearers, so if you can’t support them, do not criticize them. Criticism is the weapon of the lesser human – it’s the weapon of the creature that’s incapable of original thinking and original action.
I’m pain stricken to say that even many of the parents around the world feed fear into the heart of their children as they grow up, and then they expect great things from them. They train their children from an early age to compete with their friends, to see their friends as enemies, to focus on earning instead of learning, they breed raise race-horses, and then they foolishly dream of a beautiful, progressive and humane society for their children.
A person with a broken leg can walk by the help of prosthetic, but no prosthetic can fix a broken spirit. Day after day the so-called modern society keeps killing the spirit of champions – they keep killing the hearts that hold the force for greatness and progress. Yet these people who murder the spirit of greatness on a daily basis, are never held accountable for their actions. In fact, they take pride in such actions, and they call it either sensibility or responsibility. It’s not responsibility my friend, nor is it sensibility, it’s irresponsibility and primitiveness at their worst.
People take pride in their historical heroes, but when a hero is born in their own family, they’d do everything in their power to trample his or her spirit. They look up to the achievements of the world’s legends, but they can’t manage to comprehend that most of those achievements were not born of conventional thinking. They survive more on fear than water and oxygen. They eat fear, dream fear, live fear and then they pass on that fear to their children. Naturally, each day the world keeps losing a dream, each day the world keeps losing a champion.
To the parents I say, if you can’t afford to give your child the right to pursue their dreams, you have no right to breed. However, if you genuinely want to be responsible parents, then learn to be selfless in raising your kids. And by selfless, I don’t mean that fake selflessness, where you believe that you are being selfless, but in reality you keep imposing all your desires and dreams on your kids. Be genuinely selfless and give your kids the courage to go after their dreams. And whatever you do, don’t program them to be afraid of failures, because without failure there’s no learning, without failure there’s no discovery, without failure there’s no progress.
But the point is, we still don’t have a truly civilized and free society around the world. The whole world still needs the sacrifice of countless more legends, but the problem is, these legends face nothing but obstruction from their own society. Nevertheless, without the sacrifice of many more heroes in our times, this world can never become the true global abode of peace, harmony and progress for the generations to come.
Therefore, the people who can’t sacrifice anything, must, at the very least, stop being egotistical and know-it-all snobs, and give a hand to those individuals who are trying to make a difference. And if they can’t help in any manner, at least, they must try not to discourage the budding champions of progress. It’s hard as it is for the torch-bearers, so if you can’t support them, do not criticize them. Criticism is the weapon of the lesser human – it’s the weapon of the creature that’s incapable of original thinking and original action.
I’m pain stricken to say that even many of the parents around the world feed fear into the heart of their children as they grow up, and then they expect great things from them. They train their children from an early age to compete with their friends, to see their friends as enemies, to focus on earning instead of learning, they breed raise race-horses, and then they foolishly dream of a beautiful, progressive and humane society for their children.
A person with a broken leg can walk by the help of prosthetic, but no prosthetic can fix a broken spirit. Day after day the so-called modern society keeps killing the spirit of champions – they keep killing the hearts that hold the force for greatness and progress. Yet these people who murder the spirit of greatness on a daily basis, are never held accountable for their actions. In fact, they take pride in such actions, and they call it either sensibility or responsibility. It’s not responsibility my friend, nor is it sensibility, it’s irresponsibility and primitiveness at their worst.
People take pride in their historical heroes, but when a hero is born in their own family, they’d do everything in their power to trample his or her spirit. They look up to the achievements of the world’s legends, but they can’t manage to comprehend that most of those achievements were not born of conventional thinking. They survive more on fear than water and oxygen. They eat fear, dream fear, live fear and then they pass on that fear to their children. Naturally, each day the world keeps losing a dream, each day the world keeps losing a champion.
To the parents I say, if you can’t afford to give your child the right to pursue their dreams, you have no right to breed. However, if you genuinely want to be responsible parents, then learn to be selfless in raising your kids. And by selfless, I don’t mean that fake selflessness, where you believe that you are being selfless, but in reality you keep imposing all your desires and dreams on your kids. Be genuinely selfless and give your kids the courage to go after their dreams. And whatever you do, don’t program them to be afraid of failures, because without failure there’s no learning, without failure there’s no discovery, without failure there’s no progress.
I am worried sick for the kids
I am worried - terribly worried - I am worried sick for the kids - for the citizens of tomorrow - and this is no everyday worry, for everyday worries come and go, but this worry of mine is not going to fade away. I am worried for the sanity of our kids - and all the kids yet to come.
We have arrived at a point of time where the way we raise our kids is going to draw the line between sanity and insanity - it's going to draw the line between the will to live and the urge to give up. Never in history, the situation was so severe as it is now. And if you genuinely want your kids to have a healthy and happy life, then you no longer have the luxury to be callous about their daily habits.
Here I am not addressing your capacity for raising kids, for that's an instinctual response which comes naturally to all parents, but what I am pointing out is that even that age-old parental instinct of raising children is not going to be enough in ensuring that the kids grow up to be mentally stable members of a healthy society. Mark this, if you do not get serious right now, then the future that awaits your kids will be that of insanity, misery and death.
Technology - that's what revolutionized this planet beyond human imagination when it came to existence - and now in its newly acquired digital form, it has begun to revolutionize this planet once again, except this time the repercussions are turning out to be a thousand times greater than all of the previous technological revolutions combined.
Selfies have begun to replace memories - likes and comments have begun to replace lasting conversations - illusive friends and followers lists have begun to replace real reliable friendship. And this is nothing to be taken for granted, for the digital innovation that set out to connect people, has slowly started to tear those people apart both from within and without.
Reliability has become scarce - commitment has become scarce - attachment has become scarce. The very socio-psychological mechanisms that sustain the stability and wellness of a society are beginning to collapse, and when they do, the very fabric of societal stability and sanity will get ripped apart, which I am afraid is no longer a possibility.
This has already begun to happen and the situations will get only worse, creating a society full of sociopaths, psychopaths and basically unstable, depressed and superficial human beings with no strength of character and conscience, and no sense of patience and sanity whatsoever. They will crave for appraisal - they will crave for attention - they will crave for flattery - they will crave for perfection. Everything about them will be artificial and superficial. And no matter how much they pretend to present their life as perfect, inside they will be dying every single second of their existence.
Now the question is, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to do anything at all? Are you going to do anything at all? Are you? I am asking again and again, because upon this question depends the very stability and sanity of our children and grandchildren. So if you can perceive the impending doom, then we can move to actions.
The best way to teach the children a habit is to adopt it ourselves. So, the first step to raise a society that will know the distinction between healthy use of technology and harmful use of technology, is to practice that distinction religiously in our own lives. This means that you must right this very moment start modulating your use of devices, by turning off all notifications except the most important ones.
You do not actually need to delete your social media accounts, but what you must do is - and I mean must, not should, because if I ask you, do you want to protect your child from committing suicide, then you would probably say, you must, not should - so, what you must do is, check your social media only once or twice a day - at most three times, but not more. And this applies to all the responsible adults everywhere, whether you are at home, at work or in transit. Because, if you can't be the role model for the children of this world, not just your own children, then you have no right to blame those kids for their behavior.
So, renounce the 24/7 smartphone scrolling behavior, if you actually care for the future of your kids - for the future of this world. Then comes giving a little nudge to your kids when you see them being consumed by their devices. You may say, they won't listen. Actually, they do not listen because you do not give them enough time from an early age. Spend time with them - watch a movie with them - go for an outing with them - do something with them whenever you have time.
Set the standards of healthy living in front of the children, by being an embodiment of healthy living yourself, then and then only will there be hope for the kids to turn into responsible, stable, patient and socially functional human beings.
Recommended Reading
Mission Reality
We have arrived at a point of time where the way we raise our kids is going to draw the line between sanity and insanity - it's going to draw the line between the will to live and the urge to give up. Never in history, the situation was so severe as it is now. And if you genuinely want your kids to have a healthy and happy life, then you no longer have the luxury to be callous about their daily habits.
Here I am not addressing your capacity for raising kids, for that's an instinctual response which comes naturally to all parents, but what I am pointing out is that even that age-old parental instinct of raising children is not going to be enough in ensuring that the kids grow up to be mentally stable members of a healthy society. Mark this, if you do not get serious right now, then the future that awaits your kids will be that of insanity, misery and death.
Technology - that's what revolutionized this planet beyond human imagination when it came to existence - and now in its newly acquired digital form, it has begun to revolutionize this planet once again, except this time the repercussions are turning out to be a thousand times greater than all of the previous technological revolutions combined.
Selfies have begun to replace memories - likes and comments have begun to replace lasting conversations - illusive friends and followers lists have begun to replace real reliable friendship. And this is nothing to be taken for granted, for the digital innovation that set out to connect people, has slowly started to tear those people apart both from within and without.
Reliability has become scarce - commitment has become scarce - attachment has become scarce. The very socio-psychological mechanisms that sustain the stability and wellness of a society are beginning to collapse, and when they do, the very fabric of societal stability and sanity will get ripped apart, which I am afraid is no longer a possibility.
This has already begun to happen and the situations will get only worse, creating a society full of sociopaths, psychopaths and basically unstable, depressed and superficial human beings with no strength of character and conscience, and no sense of patience and sanity whatsoever. They will crave for appraisal - they will crave for attention - they will crave for flattery - they will crave for perfection. Everything about them will be artificial and superficial. And no matter how much they pretend to present their life as perfect, inside they will be dying every single second of their existence.
Now the question is, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to do anything at all? Are you going to do anything at all? Are you? I am asking again and again, because upon this question depends the very stability and sanity of our children and grandchildren. So if you can perceive the impending doom, then we can move to actions.
The best way to teach the children a habit is to adopt it ourselves. So, the first step to raise a society that will know the distinction between healthy use of technology and harmful use of technology, is to practice that distinction religiously in our own lives. This means that you must right this very moment start modulating your use of devices, by turning off all notifications except the most important ones.
You do not actually need to delete your social media accounts, but what you must do is - and I mean must, not should, because if I ask you, do you want to protect your child from committing suicide, then you would probably say, you must, not should - so, what you must do is, check your social media only once or twice a day - at most three times, but not more. And this applies to all the responsible adults everywhere, whether you are at home, at work or in transit. Because, if you can't be the role model for the children of this world, not just your own children, then you have no right to blame those kids for their behavior.
So, renounce the 24/7 smartphone scrolling behavior, if you actually care for the future of your kids - for the future of this world. Then comes giving a little nudge to your kids when you see them being consumed by their devices. You may say, they won't listen. Actually, they do not listen because you do not give them enough time from an early age. Spend time with them - watch a movie with them - go for an outing with them - do something with them whenever you have time.
Set the standards of healthy living in front of the children, by being an embodiment of healthy living yourself, then and then only will there be hope for the kids to turn into responsible, stable, patient and socially functional human beings.
Recommended Reading
Mission Reality
When You Raise Terrorists | Abhijit Naskar | Bulletproof Backbone
You keep buying your children toy pistols, then you wonder, why there is no peace in the world! When you raise terrorists, you are bound to have terrorism – most of which is democratically glorified as patriotism. It takes just one generation of parents to put an end to the prehistoric tradition of war and hate – just one generation. So, my question is – are you that generation? Only parents can end wars, not politicians – only education can end terror, not armament.
Obscurity Establish Greatness (Sonnet) – Abhijit Naskar, When Calls The Kainat
I grew up in a 20ft/20ft one-room house,
used to walk an hour to get to school –
and although I never knew what luxury was,
I’m just grateful, I never had to starve –
I never had to wear torn clothes,
never had to experience a leaky roof,
unlike my parents, who grew up poor,
as neither of my grandfathers were good providers.
Like my father, his father was a factory worker,
but unlike my father, he could barely feed his family,
and my other grandfather was a poor priest,
who too could barely provide for his family, with
the little money he earned from religious ceremonies.
My parents grew up in abject poverty, I grew up in
modest security, and all of it has kept me grounded.
Little obscurity is essential for building character –
luxury stunts growth, obscurity establish greatness.
used to walk an hour to get to school –
and although I never knew what luxury was,
I’m just grateful, I never had to starve –
I never had to wear torn clothes,
never had to experience a leaky roof,
unlike my parents, who grew up poor,
as neither of my grandfathers were good providers.
Like my father, his father was a factory worker,
but unlike my father, he could barely feed his family,
and my other grandfather was a poor priest,
who too could barely provide for his family, with
the little money he earned from religious ceremonies.
My parents grew up in abject poverty, I grew up in
modest security, and all of it has kept me grounded.
Little obscurity is essential for building character –
luxury stunts growth, obscurity establish greatness.
