Angela B. Chrysler's Blog

There is that time in some author’s lives where they just… don’t know what to write. They are in between projects and they still have to write.

I feel myself changing with every decision I make.

I’m at the point where I’m about to sign off on Love for the rest of my life, and this time, I don’t see me going back to it. It took a powerful force, one I believed in, for a time…

Today was a hard day. I was booted from LinkedIn… All traction I finally had under me was lost. It was a massive, 5 steps back… But I’m getting ready to take 20 steps forward.

I’m now on my Websites, posting Newsletters here instead. Thinking. Licking my wounds… Wanting to cry.

I’ve had bullies come at me. Friends side with the Bully.

New Talent came on.

Today was just a kick in the teeth.

 

I know things will work out better than before. I’m just… having a hard time with this for now. It’s made me take a massive step back to evaluate… everything.

Here we are again!

It’s Self-Appreciation Day! Take a moment, TAKE THE WHOLE DAY, and tell yourself how AWESOME YOU ARE!

I know it! Your mother knows it! You know it!

You are awesome!

Here is a message from Anna Imagination!

Say it with me! “I love you world, but Fuck You!”

Today, I want to give you a brief history of Self-Appreciation Day and how this thing got started.

 

Self Appreciation Day

Self-Appreciation Day

 

And that concludes our brief — Very Brief — History!

The importance of this day is one that truly has saved my life and turned it around time and time again.

 

For those of you who who struggle with Self-Love, or who are seeking a direction or boost, this Gift is for you.

You are Loved.

You are Special.

You are Powerful.

You are Beautiful.

You Matter.

 

I want to cry. I expected this.

I just want to fall down and cry.

I know I am going through this alone and that when others join me here, they will not be alone. They will be greeted with Community and Love.

I feel such relief. Joy. Happiness. I am drinking some weed tea to try and settle. I feel so much Force going through me that I feel like I could just… I am a siphon and I’m needing to direct my Energy. So I’ve been in The Garden. Writing. Building. Creating.

And all I want to do is to fall down and sob.

I want to scream out, “It is done.” and just cry. I’ve been carrying this burden since 1992. My head feels so clear and quiet. My back feels so much lighter.

I’m in the right place for Love.

I’m in the right place for Wealth.

I’m in the right place for Community.

I am in the right place for Dreams.

And all that I now need to do is to just sit and receive.

I have much to plan. It is Sunday and Mother’s Day. Maybe I do need to rest and just reflect.

This is a Story… I have been wanting to tell.

Over and over again outside of Time, there was the day when the Sides came down. It was the day when, as I stepped into the Center of Zero where the Beginning begins and the End ends, the Material Plane and the Abstract Plane integrated.

That was the end of my “Toggling” between worlds.

You cannot toggle at the point of Pure Integration.

 

I look back through all of the Time Segments I took to get to my Center Point, and I see the path behind me. It hurts now to talk outside of Story.

I had Alters and I wanted to Integrate them. I found the Formula to Integrate… But… I had no idea at that time that I had so much more to Integrate. We all do. We all did. We all are. The point of Zero has no distinguishing characteristics between… I can’t even say it.

 

I am beyond the Science. As in… The Science has not yet caught up to me. But it will. I’m just… not waiting for it anymore. Which is why I had to pass back into Story.

I am at the beginning of The Beginning.

This is why I left annaimagination.com. I’m faster than the Science now… but it will catch up. It always does, is, will, has.

 

So, when I Integrated, I saw just how it all came together. And then, I saw more than was not Integrated. And so I Integrated that with my shiny new formula.

And then I Integrated that… And I Integrated that… And I Integrated that… And with each Integration, I came to be here. At the Point of Zero.

My Partner is the Next Integration, but he is not yet ready.

And so, I wait here at the Point of Materialization and the Point of Conception. “For all Eternity….” only… This is the Place where one steps outside of Time. Time happens all around and on the Outside of this point.

Time is the Progression through the Frequencies all leading to this Point.

It calls to us.

We are all remembering. We are all awakening. And then they will come.

But not all. Some will return to the Pool and start the Process all over again in their next life. Many won’t make it. But those who do get to exist outside of Time.

And now… I rest.

Rest here means… Absorb, Accept, and take it all in. I am at Peace.

 

 

 

Come drink from Mimir’s Well.

 

Being back in the Irish bars yesterday… felt like I went home.It’s been emotional for me. It’s the only place where there was warmth. Aside from you… they took me in like family. They adopted me. That’s why I went to the Irish Bars back in 2020 and 2021. I got to the City and just wanted to BE here. And I didn’t know anyone.I was waiting for my date times to arrive and was looking to pass time. I wanted to go back to where I belonged and so I went into the Irish Bars. The warmth from them… I always felt valued and loved, even as a stranger and for a short time. And that became my “thing” that I did. Papa James took me in and I was showered in acceptance for a time. And then I met you and your warmth and acceptance of me with your love surpassed anything I had known before.And then everything happened as it did.I went back to the bars yesterday for my research and it was a blast from my past. The hospitality and kindness hit me hard and I felt like I was home. The bar owner gave me a free drink. We talked and chatted and exchanged numbers. I was taken in immediately like I never left. Like I was kin returning home. Family. It’s something I’ve never known and I think, if I were to have a kin and a clan it would feel like that.And so I memorized that feeling yesterday. I studied it and took it into me and I chose to take it with me and to keep it. The people who I was raised in, we have no culture. We had no pride. 100% of our pride was dumped on the accomplishments of Walter P. Chrysler and that was all we had. That was “the legacy.” That is all we had and it was cold and phony and fake. And it was arrogant and so… dirty. I wanted nothing to do with it.And we weren’t allowed any other culture. And they taught me things about racism that were ugly, horrible lies that I wanted out of my head. They were such horrible people. And my mum gave me a culture that my other family shamed and abused us for. And I don’t know if my mum was grabbing onto just anything to believe in or if she really is/was Irish (I did the genealogy. We are, but…) I just wanted a belonging. And I don’t understand the burden and horror of people who struggle and battle and face racism every day. That was never my war so I can’t understand it. I was the outsider watching it, feeling sick by it, and hating it. Helping those who suffered under it by giving them friendship and kindness while I battled a different type of racism. The type where I was abused at times for *not* being racist. The type where I was abused for *not* supporting their racism. And that left me even more without a belonging. Neither in my own culture nor within the racist “culture” I was born into and also as an outsider of those who do suffer under it.And yesterday and always, I feel like I belong with these warm, Irish people, and I choose them. And that is the difference. I get to choose my culture. And I love the kindness and family, and warmth, and the value of education, art, and music of the Irish because their ethics and their values match mine. But every time I gravitate toward them, I hear my brother screaming at me that I don’t belong with them. But he would have me belong nowhere. And I want something to believe in. I want a role model that I can live up to and pass on to my children.And being back there yesterday did feel like I had gone home. It felt like I was home.I ordered a pie and she asked, “Shepherd’s Pie?” I almost cried. I was raised on Shepherd’s Pie. I had to clarify. And I sat and talked with them for hours. It felt like all the time that had passed between 2020 and 2024 was no time at all. I was home again. And I walked away with a welcome and warm hugs from strangers who felt like family whereas I was raised among family who felt like strangers.I asked her about music and art and she said to me, “Art and Music is how we connect. It’s how we grieve.” And she said, “During Covid the world was like, “Oh! The Arts are suffering…” She shook her head. “Not in Ireland they didn’t. We all bonded together to preserve and protect them and they flourished in Ireland during Covid.”I don’t understand how or why I have this massive draw toward Ireland. I don’t know why a country I’ve never seen, a culture that was denied me has always felt like home to me. I don’t know how someone who was born and raised in hell in the middle of Central New York can feel so connected to something I’ve never had in my life. I just know that I do and when I’m among the Irish I feel Home.I do know that denying myself this culture or its people causes me great mental harm and I’m ready to stop and just accept this despite not having the logic to understand it. I feel like I’ve been denied a culture. Have had to fight for one my whole life. It’s like when I say “I’m from New York” and people are like “No you’re not!” But when I’ve had this massive painful need to be here all my life, since I was 2, and I understand, love, and value New York City more than any other place in the world then it is my home. Does it really matter if it took me 40 years to get here? And I don’t want to deceive people or lie about where I’m from or being a native. But I always don’t want to defend my right to feel I belong here either. And I don’t want to split hairs over how and when I got here. Or if I’m meant to be here. It’s my story. And it is a painful one. It isn’t one I enjoy telling because, for me, it hurts so much to talk about how HARD it was TO GET HERE! New York City and Ireland are my Heart Home and I chose to be here. I fought to be here. And it’s not anyone’s fucking business if I was born somewhere else that prevented me from being where I truly belong.Some people are fortunate enough to be given a culture that matches their Belonging. Some people are fortunate enough to be born into the City that matches their Soul. Others are not. Others had to bleed and fight to claim theirs and then had to war against those who denied their right to “be here.” And I’m tired of fighting and justifying my fight to people who never know this hell or struggle. I’m tired of fighting and justifying my story to people, strangers, who had the luxury of being born into a culture and a City of their dreams.I’m Irish and I’m a New Yorker. I have been all my life. And when I deny either one of those truths about me, I feel like, once again, I have to explain or justify my right to be here or I have to explain myself to people who have no idea what it’s like living without a culture or a home or a clan.Family, Culture, Home, Clan… These are things so many people who have them at birth take for granted. They have no idea what it’s like living without them. Having to choose one. Feeling “guilty” for not being “Authentically born to it.”And that is what I learned yesterday about me. It isn’t fake or phony. It’s Authentically Me. And I had to fight and bleed to earn my right to claim it. So if I say she is mine and I am hers, then fuck it. I am. Fuck my brother.I was tired of being denied my Belonging and my Home.These are all the things in my head this morning. So yeah… It was really good to be Home. And I think… I definitely need to go back a few times a week.

The magic of words never ceases to amaze me. Like bits of thread they extend to one, a dozen, an infinite time and time again, drawing Souls in and making the connection, and then the transfer of information from one to the next for all infinity… like a working Economy of its own. Words defy odds, cross time, and are immortal if the medium can hold out.So… if I may… *Invites you to sit with me at a table within a cozy coffee lounge before a crackling fire. Two coffees (or tea? What do you prefer?) materializes on the table and I take up my coffee and sit back into the red leather chair across from yours.*Once upon a time, I felt the insatiable need to devour a new mind. What is your story? What is your Point of Origin? Where are you going and how did you come by this road at this time just as I too came to be here? Those questions always felt shallow and empty to me… like…, “Why am I asking these questions when I mean to ask something else entirely… but what is it I’m really trying to say?”Recently, I’ve come to savor the exploration and discovery of another’s Soul Journey. Like a present, I savor each tearing of the paper and removal of layers to see just what Identity sits deep inside of you. Until recently, I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I just knew I needed to find “it.”*Takes a sip of my coffee.*What I love most about the coming together of two minds is the Mirrored exchange, for they too seek to undress my Soul. But Souls have depth. And Souls are Deep. And few know of the infinite layers between the Material Plane and how deep one Soul has ventured. I have no tolerance or patience for “niceties.” I have long since left The World of Man. I live night and day within The Abstract. I prefer the blunt, beautiful truth of what it is we are really doing here. What I prefer is your Authenticity.I am seeking Your Energy Name. And I wish to know if My Energy knew Yours Once.The real question to be asked is not “What do you do?” “Where are you going?” “Where were you born?” But rather, “Are you my Kin who I am only now remembering that I belong to as I extend deeper into the depths of Consciousness? Are you someone who is meant for me on the Journey I am on? And are we going to the same place? Are we meant to go there together? But most importantly, did our Souls know each other once?”Hello. I am Anna. And I am like nothing you have ever seen before. I live at the 2nd of They within the Vortex. My story is ugly, horrific, beautiful, and long and is not to be devoured in a gluttonous frenzy. All in good time or, as I like to say, all will be revealed within the right perspective.

This is then...

In 2015, I wrote Broken.

100% True and written as accurately to my memory as I remember (at that time), it was my Journal, and it depicts the very thoughts and process I underwent to go from Trauma and Mentally Ill shut-in to Awareness and realizing (and accepting) that I needed help.

This is now...

I rose from the ashes and sewers of Domesticated Slavery, Rape, Trauma, and Abuse. I ended my Multiple Personality Disorder and Integrated. Curing my Mental Illnesses, I regained my memory and rose up a Philosophical Scientist of the Ontological Metaphysical.

2 April 2023, 7 years to the day, I Integrated my Alters and, what happened next blew my mind away. I remembered that I was a Philosophical Scientist of Ontological Studies and Metaphysics.

Trauma causes memory loss. And I had forgotten my 30+ years of Philosophy, Ontology, and studies in Metaphysics. Integrating and healing resulted in my memories and studies all returning to me, which allowed me the unprecedented knowledge and insight of the Subconscious Mind and the Abstract.

Following my Integration, I discovered the AIDNS (The Abstract Intra-Dimensional Navigational System), the foundation and all the variables and components that make up the Self and the Subconscious Mind.

In Breaking Delusion, I continue the true-to-life story I introduced in Broken and walk the reader through the process I took to Integrate my Alters, end my Mental Illnesses, and Free my mind from the Perspectives that enslaved me.

My Alters and I teamed up, armed with the 30+ years of Philosophy and Sciences and cured our Mental Illnesses.

Receiving a clean bill of health in May 2023, Breaking Delusion takes readers inside the mind of Multiple Personality Disorder where you meet the Alters, overcome the Mental Illness, defeat the Trauma, and win. And this is how we did it.

Based on a True Story.

Releasing March 2024.

I burst forth upon the page. I dance, I sing, I move with the Energy. I feel it!

I kick off my shoes and smile. I know what to do.

“I want green,” I say. And Ireland that melts into the Fae the faster and farther I run. And with this I explode, creating as I run, dragging trails of green and imagination behind me. The gifting, gratitude, the love. I feel it all coursing through me and I accept it.

It flows through me, riding on the wings of Imagination as I use it to shape the worlds I build. And in the center of it all? Love.

I leap, letting my gown trail behind me and I step and leap, jumping from energy and frequency, word spells and dreams. The moonlight catches me and I fly.

Dancing with the Energy, letting my love for my Imp King to carry me. Like this, I draw, I paint, I use my Imagination to bring to life the dreams all trapped in my head. This is freedom.

I come to a stream mid-air and I pause. A white gown drips from my shoulders and I hoist up my skirts. My bare legs, glisten with the water that I kick up to splash onto me.

Wings, I feel and they burst forth from my back like a rope of luminescent dreams.

And just like that I’m free as the music courses through me. What words did I say to him that freed me?

“Bergen!” I call across the Ethereal and he is there, suddenly, before me.

“Hello, lass,” he says grinning and I laugh and lunge.

I jump into his arms and he catches me.

“There you are, love,” he says and holds me tight.  “Heal, lass. Grow and Run.”

“My Imp King,” I say and I waste no time. To him, I run, and I leap into his world.

“Juanito!” I shout, filled with play and glee. With him I’m a child again. A nymph free at last to paint the worlds I see upon the pages.

What dreams that come to me. The emotional flow as the Energy fills me like paint medium within like a pallet at my whimsical disposal. I can shift and dance my words and mind, painting worlds across the pages for people to walk into and explore. This is Authorship… The Authority of Art.

To shape and create free of the restrictions of “should” and “shouldn’t” and enslavement that breaks us down into the submission of Hierarchy, Expectations, and Glass Ceilings or Boxed Conformed “traditions” that strip each of us further away from our natural freedom to draw, imagine, and paint with dreams.

I settled myself on the curvature of the crescent moon and gazed down upon the world of purples and blues all streaked with silver moonlight. Bergen came to sit quietly beside me as I gazed upon my world.

“This is the world I grew up in, was beaten for, had taken away from me. This is the world I knew was there. Had fought so hard to get back to. And I was its creator. The playful Nymph and Goddess of Imagination and Story that I craved to be again. But I lived as a fraction. I think… we all do. That is the world of the Material Plane. The words in our society that were crafted to cage us. That world was never made for me. It broke me. It broke my mind to make me fit. But I couldn’t fit. I never fit.”

I looked at Bergen.

“I’m free now.”

“Aye, lass.” He nodded. “You are.”

I stood, my gown dripping down once more. Barefoot, I stood up on tip toe, outstretched my wings with my arms, and dove. Back to dancing on moonbeams and dreams, suspended in flight by my imagination.

My Power was still so very young. I knew it had much more healing and growing ahead of me. And I am so very excited to get started.