Rob Hicks's Blog

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

– Lao Tzu

It has been six long, glorious weeks since a slightly-more innocent Rob began this challenge, his hopes high and his dreams even higher. I didn’t know what shape all this writing and doing would take, and the final product doesn’t match the vague visions. But I am satisfied, for I pushed myself further, faster and harder than I thought was ever possible. It’s only fitting too that by yesterday afternoon I was sick, my body finally sighing in relief at not having to press the gas pedal any more. Thank whatever gods there are that it held itself together until the very end.

In my mind, this final post would arrive on the wings of angels, much heralded and anticipated. In fact, I can feel how my mind wants me to postpone it so that I can think of the best way to phrase it. But if I’ve learned anything, it is that perfection is the enemy of completion. Much better to haphazardly toss something together than deliberate on specifics that matter none too much. Onward, then, for a review of the goals awaits:

The Half-Marathon

The goal: 2-hours

The reality: 1:45:35

It was perfect conditions yesterday for the run. I pushed myself much harder than I have during any previous training session. It helped being surrounded by 30,000 people all huffing and puffing our way towards the same goal. My legs have never shaken like that before in all my life. Needless to say, the biggest accomplishment was my change in mindset towards running. I’ve found a lot of peace putting so many miles on these feet. But beating my time by fifteen minutes wasn’t so bad either.

      2. Getting in the best shape of my life.

Let’s just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Here I am the morning of April 9th:

And here I am May 20th:

And if we go a little further back, here I am on January 28th:

And then October 28th, 2016:

And finally August 17th, 2016:

I’m astounded by where I started and where I am now. In fact, I don’t feel much different. Same old Rob, entirely new body. I’m stronger, sleep better, feel better, have clearer skin, and move much more easily. And I have nothing but discipline and my faith in small, incremental changes to thank. Now it’s time to put some weight back on, until I can’t fit through the doorway because my shoulders are so wide.

      3. Increase my writing income by 20%

This one is a tricky one. I must definitely did not meet this goal. In fact, my writing income just about stayed static. However, I did pen almost 100,000 words in 6 days, not including work on my “serious” novel, nor these blog posts, nor my journal. While that isn’t such a substantial increase from before the challenge, this is important because I managed to write an entire novel as well as edit 2/3rds of it. I think this might be one of the payoffs that isn’t so readily apparent. I’d call this a success in my heart, even if not so much on paper.

4. Decrease my debt by 20%

What an ambitious goal I set for myself! Even carefully watching what I spent and living the spartan lifestyle, I only managed to reduce it by a little over 11%. Still, that is not insubstantial. With the (hopefully) coming increase in income over the next few months, I hope to really chip away at this and will continue to make weekly payments. Success? No. Progress? Most definitely.

5. Volunteer once a week

From the nursing home to the food bank to the food kitchen to an auditorium of screaming children, this was my favorite part of the challenge. All those self-help gurus aren’t lying when they say some of the best feelings come from helping others. I’ll be continuing my once-a-week service until I can free up a time to go to twice-a-week.

6. Open up the throttle on my next novel

After struggling to find the rhythm of working on this story that’s been rattling about my head for many months, I finally began to put serious words on paper. If I had to estimate, I’d say somewhere just south of 20,000. The habit has been created and the momentum set.

7. Check sales/e-mails no more than twice a day

I strayed. No doubt about it. But by making myself painfully aware of how my mind wanted to stray, I also taught myself a few workarounds. Another habit to carry forward.

8. Browsing the web/trawling Reddit for the answers to life

I won’t lie: I’ve missed Reddit oh-so-much. But there is a time and a place for it, and as long as I have many more pressing things to attend to, that time and place is the future. I credit the sheer amount of writing/editing/designing I got done to avoiding the time sink that is the Internet.

And there you have it. My eight goals. The physical were successful, the financial not so much. The others were mere habits I wanted to pick up and mostly succeeded at. As the quote at the top of this says, this is but the first step of many. The challenge, in the sense of this daily blog, is over, but the fight remains, the fight to be my best self, to fulfill my dreams and to grow into the man I’d like to be. Think fondly of me, dear readers, and be on the lookout for any updates. I have a feeling that some of what I did in these last six weeks will pay off in the very-near future.

See you at the top of the mountain!

It’s the end of my final full day of this challenge and let me just say I am relieved. Not so much because anything is going to change after this – I don’t see how it can what with all the things I still need to do – but just because I’ve not awarded myself the option of taking my foot off the gas pedal. Funny thing is: I don’t even feel like I pushed myself to the limit. I got a whole lot more done than I thought I would (I will outline this sometime in the next few days), but I’m left with the feeling I could have done even more. And without an additional two jobs taking up my precious time…whew boy, watch out!

I’ve just crossed the thousand and fifth hour and the bed is calling my name. I’ve got to rise early tomorrow (4:30 or so to make time for my pre-race oatmeal and then the long train ride). That means no time to write the novel or blog before I’m off for the big race. Even so, upon returning home, I am going to celebrate with some Chinese food and then get to work anyways. I have work in the evening and there’s some writing that needs doing. Things are in motion now that I have to keep up with; lest what was all the hard work for in the first place?

I feel better, emotionally, physically, spiritually, than I have in a long time. It wasn’t so much the work that was completed but the sense of accomplishment in pushing myself. I’m addicted to it now, love how I go to sleep every day feeling like I gave my best, that I hacked my way through the forest, the path only forming behind me after I forged it.

But enough of that. Let us do the recap and then go to sleep. There’s one last thing to do:

The workout: Shorter rest sets put my time at the gym just over an hour, even with stretching. The body is feeling explosive. I can’t wait to test my mental resolve tomorrow morning. I don’t doubt I’m going to smash my 2-hour goal on the run.
The novel: Despite not being able to write on it in the morning, write on it in the afternoon I shall. I like how this goal has turned from a “Did I do it?” to “How will I do it next time?” That’s being on top of your shit.
An additional 500 words: An additional 900 is more like it. And that was while sweating my ass off in my unconditioned apartment. At least 500 a day is the new normal now, with minor exceptions, 1000 more likely.
Editing: With my commitment to finish the edit in a week, I’ll have quite a bit of work to put in next week. It’s not too difficult though, as I’m adept enough at writing now that words and sentences and paragraphs tend to flow rather well, even if it feels like I’m floundering whenever I first write it.
Eat well and within my designated calories: I weighed in at the gym today, mostly because I was feeling particularly hungry and empty and was curious what the scale would say. 168: a little low for my tastes. That means in the last 6 months, I’ve dropped 20 pounds. Holy Fuck. A few more weeks and then it’s on to the weight gain, as measured as the weight loss. Can’t wait for the before and after pictures. 2700 eaten today because I was just too damn hungry.
No unnecessary expenditures: Coffee for the bowels and a Zevia for the mind to celebrate a long, successful challenge. Another debt payment ready to be paid tomorrow.
No chaff, all wheat: I won’t lie, as I want to do. There was definitely some chaff today. But damn did it feel worth it after six weeks of (relative) discipline. Amazing how the mind is incapable of wallowing in it these days. It’s like a timer starts as soon as I get off track. Before too long my mind is telling me to get back to it.

84 straight blog posts. That alone is an indicator of my resolve and discipline during this challenge. I wonder what I’ll move on to now? I like these short stints of pure focus. There must be other goals for me to accomplish. I’ll sleep on it and get back to you tomorrow post-race. Goddamn it feels good to be alive!

 

“You’ve got what it takes, but it will take everything you’ve got.”

– Anonymous

Here we are, right at the end. And how bittersweet it all is. Cue the teary-eyed montage highlighting all my flashes of brilliance, the failures, triumphs, the moments of grit, of determination, of I-can’t-go-ons, and finally the finish line and a deliriously happy smile from knowing you did the best you could.

Or maybe that is tomorrow morning’s montage.

If so, then that means there is work to be done. Do not tarry, for now we must ride.

The workout: My final workout of the week and an easy one at that. Already looking forward to getting back to it next week, an entirely new program bouncing around my head.
The novel: How appropriate that one of the best days ever fell on the last day of this challenge. You realize, upon writing enough, that the end goal was never production of great works, it was the producing itself. If I could spend every day of the rest of my life enjoying myself as much as I just did…
An additional five hundred words: With an early night on the books, I’ve got to cut some of the work today, especially as…
Editing: …I’ve now committed myself to finishing the edit by next Friday in order to get it out to readers. I’ve just over 40% of the edit left, which means there isn’t much time to dillydally. Next week too will be heavy on the release prep. I’m getting excited now, and already the next book is starting to form.
Eat well and within my designated calories: 2400 is the name of the game. I’ll be loading up on the carbs today with as few processed foods as possible. In laymen’s terms, this means a whole lotta oatmeal.
No chaff, all wheat: I’ve got too much on my plate to warrant goofing off. Plus, with only one day left, I know I can push through. Tomorrow, after the race, I’m going to watch a movie. Drunken Master, I think. I’m in the mood for martial arts.
No unnecessary expenditures: A coffee, mayhaps, and mayhaps a sports bar for a quick breakfast before the race tomorrow morning. Under five for sure.

That’s all she (he) wrote. One more glorious day. And a hot one at that. Hop to it, champion.

I can tell I’m getting closer to the end of this challenge: my mind is ever more unwilling to write these blog entries. Luckily, there are only a few more left to go. Two more nights and then it’s race time. Push, young man, push!

3-mile run: The heat of the day seeped into the gym and by the end of my 23-minute run, when normally I’m only damp with sweat, I was soaked. Made for a fun subway ride home. For some reason, even though it was rush hour, I had a wide berth.
The workout: Intensity upped with time from start to finish just under an hour. Will be interesting when the weight returns to just about my limit.
The novel: I’m practically foaming at the mouth for my oatmeal and writing time tomorrow morning. I feel like a dog that’s been conditioned.
An additional thousand words: As predicted, in the hour I penned just over 1700. That translates to roughly 2 days of vacation time. Not bad for an hour’s work (this is all assuming I’ll eventually get to a place where I don’t have to write at a breakneck speed).
Editing: Many a tree were felled today. I also used some of the time I had devoted to this activity to work on the design and release schedule of the work. Everything is now in the works.
Eat well and within my designated calories: As I said, I had 2400 packed and ready to go. And then I had a scoop of peanut butter. According to MyFitnessPal, that put me at just under 2500. With the run, I’m still operating at a good deficit. But damn am I skinny. The scale didn’t even register my weight today. It might have even gone negative for a moment or two when I exhaled.
No unnecessary expenditures: A coffee in the morning, though hot was not my best idea in the 90-degree heat. My crotch spent most of the day stewing in sweat. Eww, that’s nasty…
No chaff, all wheat: Aside from the stretching, I’ve replaced my goof-off recharge periods with short motivating videos. I’d like to thank them exclusively for my continued motivation.

Tomorrow is my last full day before the race. Aside from some work in the afternoon, not much is on my plate. I’ll finish this challenge as I started it: in routine. An earlier night than usual it will be though. As for tonight…well, with no A/C or fan, it’s going to be a sweaty one. I’m still trying to figure out how to get more naked than already being naked.

“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.”

– Frank Lloyd Wright

The finish line is in sight. There shall be no limping along; I will sprint and cross break that banner in a flash of (personal) glory. I doubt much will change afterwards. I’ll have an hour or so from not writing two blog posts a day. But there are goals to still be reached, which means I can’t stop until I hit them. And even then it’s only dialing them back. For the grind never ends. One just has to learn that the grind is the joy of life, that progress is fulfillment. Man was born a hunk of marble and must chisel himself into his masterpiece.

My schedule cleared up unexpectedly today, which means I have no obligations to anyone or anything. The day is mine own to do with it what I will. And what I will do is write. I’ve still been waking up, wanting to take a rest, wanting to just say ‘Fuck it!’ and toss everything aside for a while. But then I think about why I’m doing this in the first place. So I can get free and explore the world. I want to traipse through the Amazon, want to snorkel in Fiji, want to skydive in Patagonia, want to volunteer in India, want to take the Trans-Siberian railroad, want to live and love and laugh all over the world, want to take care of my friends and family and pay back in folds all they have done for me. I don’t care about the money, or the fame, or the admiration; I care about the freedom. And that’s what is powerful enough to keep me driving forward.

What does the mile of road I’m on today look like? This:

3-mile run: My last run before the big race. Funny how now that I’m just about there, I’m not really looking at the race as anything more than just another step along the way. After it’s over, I think I’ll start by keeping up a 3 times/week schedule, with Saturday being my long run that ramps up every week in a 6-week cycle (5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 miles). Another slow day on the treadmill to rest up. Anywhere under 24 minutes is fine by me.
The workout: I’m looking good but now I’m itching to tack on a good ten pounds (to start). I’ll use my rest sets today to contemplate just how I’m going to do that. Also going to shorten my rests to a minute and start using a timer to do so.
The novel: These last few days I’ve been lost to a flight of fancy as I’ve stalled in pushing the story forward. Every day I reminded myself not to worry, that the joy of writing is to be found in the writing itself, and that the story will tell itself how it needs to be told. And would you look at that! Today, the next step magically appeared.
An additional thousand words: This is a low-end estimate as I plan to devote an hour to actual writing. Could push anywhere up to 1500. Accumulating myself more vacation time for when I’m ready to write the next novel.
Editing: Deep in the editing forest, I look around. Which tree shall I fell next? It does not matter, for every tree will need to be chopped and polished. But probably the one right in front of me.
Eat well and within my designated calories: Last night I made my lunch and dinner for today, so I’m already packed and ready to go. 2400 on the menu. It’s another sunny, hot day here in the Big Apple, which means I’ll eat lunch and tan while I do.
No unnecessary expenditures: A cup of coffee for my morning writing session in the park, possibly iced. A happy man I shall be.
No chaff, all wheat: With such long days, I’ve found it just about impossible to not goof off when I’ve been at it for ten hours. Thus, I shall bring my book along. And also, just double-down on my willpower.

That’s all she wrote, folks. Two more days and the deed is done. It seemed like just six weeks ago I was at hour 1.

One thing I enjoy so much about chasing after your desires is how the goal posts adjust to always keep you moving. I was thinking about it today, when I was lying in the middle of the park working on my tan, thinking about how far I’d come, how I used to challenge myself to just write every day. And then how two hundred words became the goal, and then five hundred, and then a thousand. And I remember astounding myself when I wrote two thousand in a day. And now, a year or two later, a thousand feels like nothing. And, knowing what I could do, it wouldn’t only serve to make me feel like I wasn’t doing enough when I know how long the day is and how little effort it takes.

The same goes for everything. I’ve been exercising daily for so long now that I can’t imagine going back to the twice a week I started with. And now that I’ve reached the point I used to dream about, both with writing and fitness, I’m distinctly unsatisfied. I want more, to climb higher, to reach that sun sparkling up there (where I will likely find another, brighter star behind it).

I had a good day, needless to say. A long day, most of it spent in the great outdoors. Tomorrow my day is wide-open, which means another long day of work, though at this point it feels less like work and more like play.

4-mile run: I kept a steady 7:47 mile and clocked in at 31:11. Didn’t feel the slightest bit winded. I’m ready for Saturday. Goddamn am I ready.
The novel: Looking forward to my morning ritual of oatmeal and writing.
An additional thousand words: Thanks to some logistical errors, I wrote almost all 1500 words I penned today on my phone. I haven’t done this before and I feel like I’m accessing a new deeper level of productivity. It is the perfect mixture of slow and fast to help me parse my thoughts without losing them to the ether. Technology ain’t so bad.
Editing: I’m well over halfway through the novel now. Remember, downhill is the easy part.
Eat well and within my designated calories: I’m always a bit lax when it comes to vegetables though I finally started to count the carrots I so know and love. Good thing I did, because it added an extra 75 calories. Just under 2500. I still think I’m having too much sugar. More than enough fiber though, as my gas can attest. The air above my bed is murky with it.
No unnecessary expenditures: Rather than splurge on a coffee, I splurged on a Zevia after a hard day of writing and work. And some mustard, my not-so-secret lover. Still spent under a fiver. Under a fourer actually.
No chaff, all wheat: Enough small to-dos helped me fill up the small breaks from writing I needed. Part of what keeps me putting in so many hours in front of the computer is the knowledge that one day I won’t have to. Grind now, benefit later.

And that’s it. That’s all I had time for. Bedtime now, for tomorrow beckons.

“Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goals: my strength lies solely in my tenacity.”

– Louis Pasteur

Some days you wake up and you feel overwhelmed with how far you still have to go. Don’t let yourself stew in this feeling, however; it will steal what energy you’ve been granted to do what you can today! Instead, best just take a deep breath, smile, and continue plodding along. Know that in 10 days, 20 days, 30, it could all very well be different than it is right now. But the only way it won’t be is if you do nothing today.

Here, then, is the battle plan:

4-mile run: No time strictures, no goals beyond completion. I don’t doubt I could push myself and break a record, but I’d much rather rest up for Saturday. The only problem today might present is that it is quite warm.
The novel: I’m finding more and more, after a year-plus of languishing on my next big project, that one always has time for what one is willing to make time for. One just didn’t want it bad enough, it seems. My time for the day has been already been written in the stone of my life.
An additional thousand words: I could write more but I won’t. It’s a deload week of the mind as well. On Sunday I plan, somewhere amongst the graveyard of chicken wing bones, to plan out a new method of writing and releasing, with projects overlapping one another. First thing you learn about chasing your dream? It never stops.
Editing: The day feels endless though I know it is not. Every spare moment will be devoted to the novel. I’ve set a tentative release date of just over 3 weeks away. Behind the scenes, I’m slowly commissioning the art and the promotion schedule. This is one of those parts where it feels endless, all I have left to do. Keep chugging.
Eat well and within my designated calories: 2400 is the name of the game. The changes are small these days and it sometimes feels like I’m stalled out, though the pictures don’t lie whenever I go back and look.
No unnecessary expenditures: I’m going to do it. I’m going to treat myself to a coffee at the coffee shop. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the day. If I’m not careful, it will be winter again before I know it.
No chaff, all wheat: The coffee shop I’m going to has no internet, which should make the entire process that much simpler. Plus, with all I have to do, there’s not much desire anyways to goof off.

I’m like a soldier on a death march. I know the consequences will be worse if I stop. Therefore, it is best to lean in to the blisters and let the struggle carry me forward. The pack grows lighter with every mile, only because my back gets stronger.

Every step of this day, beyond the first few hours, felt just about impossible. I ran smack into that wall of tiredness. This sleep is going to be delicious. Let us not delay, then:

3-mile run: I couldn’t help but push myself a little, running a steady 7:47-mile. I clocked in at 23:23 with just a bit over 3 miles traveled. I’m ready to fight this race to the finish.
The workout: I had a great time lifting light. The reduced time was perfect for a day so tight on time. Only negative part: I cracked my head on an open locker in the locker room and drew some blood. Made me feel like a man though.
The novel: No change here. Somehow I managed to not un-succeed this already-accomplished goal.
An additional 500 words: Time be damned, I penned a thousand. As this is the new normal of Tuesday for the foreseeable future, I now know what I’m capable of.
Eat well and within my designated calories: So, I added a few calories in, clocking in just under 2700. Damn if that extra scoop of peanut butter wasn’t worth it. And with the run, I’m still in the necessary deficit. Or maybe that’s just an excuse.
No unnecessary expenditures: As predicted, a dollar and tax on a coffee. I displayed an impressive amount of willpower here as I wanted to buy and eat everything in sight.
No chaff, all wheat: Yes.

I wrung out about all I could from this day and this sleep I’m about to snatch is going to be all the better for how well-deserved it feels. I was listening to a Tony Robbins video today where he talked about translating one’s goals into standards, and that the standards we live by are what we shall reap. My head got so big with pride and self-satisfaction, I’m telling you.

I have a feeling I’ll look back on this all one day and see it as the ravings of a lunatic.

“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.”

– Babe Ruth

If you’re hoping for a long, illuminating post on life, you’ll just have to wait. There’s a fight to be won on what is consistently my busiest day of the week.

3-mile run: A nice easy gate to give the wee little feetsies some rest. 8 minute miles. Interesting to be in the other side of the equation, having to force myself to slow down.
The workout: Deload squats, which will make for a quick workout. Good, because I’m uber tired. Going to use the extra time to start planning a new program for next week.
The novel: The most important to-do already out of the way. Any other day this busy outside of this challenge, I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t do a single other thing. That’s not true at all
An additional 500 words: I’ll be damned if I don’t push that boulder a little further up the hill, even if I have to write these on the toilet. A more forgiving God would spare me some time to edit, too.
Eat well and within my designated calories: The name of the game is 2400. Meals packed and ready.
No chaff, all wheat: I think it is all but impossible to find the chaff today.
No unnecessary expenditures: A nooner on the coffee front should put me at one dollar for the day. Another benefit of a busy day: you don’t feel you’re missing out on anything.

One hour and then it’s time to get moving. Strangely enough, the faster I move, the more alive I feel.

18 hours later, I’m finally climbing into bed. I won’t waste your time with funny anecdotes or touching stories from the day. Just know there were a lot of things that touched me today:

The workout: Surprisingly difficult to only go 70%, though it shortened my time in the gym by over half an hour. Which meant…(continued in 4)
The novel: another fringe benefit of working on this first thing – I get the whole day to think of the next step
An additional two thousand words: Did I say 2000? I meant somewhere north of 2700.
Editing: …I was able to devote extra time to the first edit of the book. Another 10% completed. Still feels like a ton of words to get through and can be overwhelming at times. It’s here the mantra of ‘one step at a time’ works best. Projected time to completion: 10-11 days.
Eat well and within my designated calories: 2400 +- 50. I put on my shirt today and got lost in it for ten minutes.
No unnecessary expenditures: I was so close to another zero day. And then I spent a dollar in coffee. On that note, I think I might be drinking too much coffee, though my shits are on point.
No chaff, all wheat: Suffice to say I earned that little bit of reading time.

This is the next to last sentence to bring it all together. This is the last.