Dionne Chalmers's Blog

In Her Grandmother’s Skillet, Gussie is the matriarch of the Molten family. She and her daughter-in-law, Camille, are kindred spirits, having both lost their mothers at a young age. Camille looks up to Gussie and confides in her, many times at the kitchen table.

At that table, Gussie gives counsel and shares history about the family.

We all need someone with whom to break bread and have those intimate conversations. The kitchen table for many families has become a place for those heart-to-heart talks, working out family busines, and making memories over a meal.

During this era of COVID-19, however, the world has turned to communicating virtually, sometimes while eating a meal. But whenever there is an opportunity, it is good to have those talks at the “kitchen table” that enhance relationships in the family.

Participants can benefit from these conversations when they:

-Love and trust one another
-Let go of guilt
-Admit their own mistakes
-Are Resourceful
-Ask questions rather than making assumptions
-Put themselves in the other person’s shoes

Her Grandmother's Skillet

In Her Grandmother’s Skillet, entrepreneur Livia Kirk has built her event planning business one client at a time. The idea for her business started after she put together a retirement party for the embalmer at her father’s funeral home. Impressed with Livia’s attention to details, the embalmer’s daughter asked Livia to coordinate her wedding. Then someone at the wedding reception asked Livia to organize a baby shower. People spread the word about Livia’s great work, and the business grew.

Any successful business or personal success begins with making a start and then putting in the work to make strides. The journey can be full of let downs but also wonderful surprises. Here’s what I’ve learned about building personal successes.

-Do something you love to do.
-Think about the tools you need.
-Become familiar with terminology related to your pursuits.
-Set goals with deadlines to avoid staying at the same step.
-Adjust deadlines if necessary.
-Focus on what you need to do today.
-Instead of throwing out things not working, set them aside for a while.
-Push forward.
-Think of challenges and mistakes as ways to learn things about yourself and to sharpen your skills.
-Take time to pause and appreciate what’s going on.
-Celebrate small successes along the way.

Her Grandmother's Skillet

I teared up watching the grand opening ceremony and activities of the National Museum of African American History and Culture on TV Sept. 24. From the hard hat tour and lessons about the museum’s origin and design to the inspiring speeches, it was an uplifting occasion.

One of the highlights was President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama with 99-year-old Ruth Bonner and her family ringing a bell from a historic church in Virginia to open the museum to the world. After years in the making, the museum is located on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., and includes thousands of artifacts documenting African American life, art, history, and culture.

I have longed believed that heirlooms and artifacts can begin conversations about a family’s history. The centerpiece of my book, Her Grandmother’s Skillet, is a cast iron skillet made in the 1800s that connects different generations. It represents resilience and strength and is prominently displayed in the kitchen, used for family meals, and garners a spot in an art exhibition that is part of the storyline. In chapter 33, one of the characters says, “In a world constantly changing, it’s nice to see some things that have survived. Objects tell families about their past and offer lessons that can be learned in the present. Each quirk, frailty, object, and tradition that is characteristic of a family begins with a story.”

Although I’ve gotten a glimpse of the National Museum of African American History and Culture, I hope to one day walk through its halls and see up close all its remarkable galleries and displays.

Family research involves poring over a mound of papers and historical documents as well as much patience! But when a discovery is made, it can be so thrilling. Here are five things (although there are so many more) that have made my family history efforts worth the work.

1. Discovering the birth names of relatives known by nicknames and common names passed from one generation to another
2. Forming relationship with newly discovered cousins
3. Learning several family members share the same birth month and some the same birthday
4. Locating the whereabouts of a great-grandparent’s photo that had been unknown for years, sharing with cousins, and hearing them say how much they see their own resemblance to the person in the photo
5. Being able to put together family charts that one day will be appreciated by my nieces and nephews and generations to come

I recently read War Room: Prayer Is a Powerful Weapon by Chris Fabry and greatly enjoyed the generational interaction in the story and its message about the transformative power of prayer. I also am moved when I listen to the prayers of children at church. Typically, the prayers are short but oh so sincere and powerful. Here’s what I have observed.

They acknowledge God’s love and greatness.
They show repentance in asking for forgiveness after acting up in school or disobeying their parents and they add, “And help me not to do that again.”
They thank God for family, food, shelter, and clothing.
They remember those in the hospital by asking God to make them well.
They show humbleness when asking for help at school.
They recognize God’s power when they ask Him to take care of the whole world.
They thank Jesus for salvation.

Adults can take examples from these children.

“Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.” Psalm 145: 3-4

It seemed like I had just replaced my car’s wiper blades when they began producing that loud, shrilling noise as they vibrated against the windshield. It got so bad that I had to turn them off. On. Off. But I had to keep them on because the rain was really falling now. After experiencing this on other occasions, I decided it was time to purchase new wiper blades. I didn’t want to spend the money or time to do so. After all, they were clearing away the rain. I just couldn’t stand the noise they created. Then one day, when the rain drops started to dance on the windshield, I didn’t hear that screeching. After that, the wiper blades were fine. I don’t know why the noise stopped, but I was glad. I felt like I was being given a second chance with them.

This is a small example of a second chance, but there are many times that we give a sigh of relief or leap for joy for those really great chances in life. These, for example, come when the doctor says a tumor is benign; when receiving a scholarship after reapplying for financial aid, or when being hired for a new job after being laid off for a while. It’s a new day! It’s another opportunity to do better, be better!

In my novel, Her Grandmother’s Skillet one of the characters feels guilty (that kind of “I wish I had done that” feeling) about not helping a friend out of a bad situation. However, she is given the opportunity to come to the rescue of another friend.

In reality, we receive second chances, third chances, fourth chances, and many more chances. The greatest example of this is the love Jesus showed for us despite our shortcomings. Romans 5:8-9 says, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.”

Let’s appreciate that wonderful blessing and all the many chances in the life that we are given.

Do you recall as a child adding one half to your age (e.g. “I’m nine and a half.”) because you wanted to be older than what you were? Well I do. The young want to grow up faster and the old want to be young again. It seems we are never satisfied with what stage of life we are in.

In my new novel, Her Grandmother’s Skillet, there is a chapter in which a young girl learns about the metamorphosis of a butterfly. A butterfly begins as an egg. Let’s liken that to a human baby who is just starting out in life. The butterfly’s next stage is developing into a caterpillar and eating all it can and taking in nourishment provided by plants. Let’s liken that to a child eager to learn. Next is the stage when a caterpillar sheds its skin and forms a hard case to protect it as it grows into a butterfly. Let’s compare it to a teenager or young adult still under the care and protection of others but developing his/her on ways of doing things and looking at the world. Finally, the caterpillar emerges as a butterfly similarly to teenagers becoming adults.

I want to enjoy the stage of life I am in right now. Who else out there wants to enjoy the stage you are in? Well here are my five suggestions to do this:

1. Think about what this stage is teaching you.
2. Appreciate new friends made and cherish old friendships sustained.
3. See the beauty in yourself inside and out. “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” Psalm 139:14 (KJV)
4. Be thankful for your gifts and talents.
5. Give thanks for the God’s marvelous works. “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.” Psalm 19:1 (KJV)