Ufuoma Apoki's Blog - Posts Tagged "friendship"
Naked
He is going to be naked just this once.
I know he said that the last time, but it’s almost impossible to put on any cover this time.
It’ll be long, he knows, before he gets this naked again, but when it’s ‘right’, he might gladly be.
Sincere apologies, I must say at this point, for whatever feelings these words will strike, good or bad, and the vagueness and uncertainty of his rant . . .
I guess it used to be much easier some time ago when all they’d do is just talk for hours (about nothing in particular) and not tire of hearing each other’s voice. He must confess it was much fun than presently when he has to scrutinize his every word to avoid the fatal error of slighting her tender feelings that has become so irritable.
The last time he remembers he had someone this special like you that he could talk to without all the pretence and façade was way back in high school—she could get him completely with the few and vague words he usually sputters.
This time, however, he was asking just too much many a time—psyching comprehension in his conversations, which are usually lacking in explicit expression the way other normal humans communicate.
And the feeling goes . . .
A common distasteful attitude, I have to say, that we sometimes exhibit is that we’re constantly searching for the ideal special scenario that we sometimes miss the very precious things that are close to us.
And he was certainly guilty of the grievous offence, but you can’t just ignore sparkles (even if they aren’t true to the end) when you’ve constantly treaded the path of long and loud solitude.
Somewhere along the line of this beautiful, heavenly interaction they (he, more appropriately) never defined, he had this weird feeling, ‘What if this good friend of his could be more than friends?’
. . . and that’s when simple things get beautifully messed up and complicated.
She’s been precious to him and one thing that scares so much sh** out of him is losing the precious things close to his heart, because they usually come by very rarely.
She’d probably dismiss this as an excuse to disguise the classic case of cold feet, but he’s simply just trying to mess up good things while trying to upgrade to the unknown better.
He still wonders though . . .
But he’s brave enough not to play the game, probably because he doesn’t have the heart to or he can’t just bear to see her get hurt.
Anyway, the deed was done, because in his mind it was already concluded. There was no going back.
You wouldn’t get the pleasure of judging the outcome, though, but he, however, thought it was a virtuous thing to do . . .
I know he said that the last time, but it’s almost impossible to put on any cover this time.
It’ll be long, he knows, before he gets this naked again, but when it’s ‘right’, he might gladly be.
Sincere apologies, I must say at this point, for whatever feelings these words will strike, good or bad, and the vagueness and uncertainty of his rant . . .
I guess it used to be much easier some time ago when all they’d do is just talk for hours (about nothing in particular) and not tire of hearing each other’s voice. He must confess it was much fun than presently when he has to scrutinize his every word to avoid the fatal error of slighting her tender feelings that has become so irritable.
The last time he remembers he had someone this special like you that he could talk to without all the pretence and façade was way back in high school—she could get him completely with the few and vague words he usually sputters.
This time, however, he was asking just too much many a time—psyching comprehension in his conversations, which are usually lacking in explicit expression the way other normal humans communicate.
And the feeling goes . . .
A common distasteful attitude, I have to say, that we sometimes exhibit is that we’re constantly searching for the ideal special scenario that we sometimes miss the very precious things that are close to us.
And he was certainly guilty of the grievous offence, but you can’t just ignore sparkles (even if they aren’t true to the end) when you’ve constantly treaded the path of long and loud solitude.
Somewhere along the line of this beautiful, heavenly interaction they (he, more appropriately) never defined, he had this weird feeling, ‘What if this good friend of his could be more than friends?’
. . . and that’s when simple things get beautifully messed up and complicated.
She’s been precious to him and one thing that scares so much sh** out of him is losing the precious things close to his heart, because they usually come by very rarely.
She’d probably dismiss this as an excuse to disguise the classic case of cold feet, but he’s simply just trying to mess up good things while trying to upgrade to the unknown better.
He still wonders though . . .
But he’s brave enough not to play the game, probably because he doesn’t have the heart to or he can’t just bear to see her get hurt.
Anyway, the deed was done, because in his mind it was already concluded. There was no going back.
You wouldn’t get the pleasure of judging the outcome, though, but he, however, thought it was a virtuous thing to do . . .
Fix Me
Ufuoma Apoki
I want to be mad at you,
But I just can’t.
I try so hard to find every reason to be,
But the innocence of your voice . . .
Oh my!
It makes me fail miserably each time I make up reasons to be mad
It just melts every trace of anger
I want to be there for you,
But I just don’t know how.
I know you need one like me,
Not because it'll probably bless me more (for now)
I just feel it strongly that I could be strong for you.
Any and every time I reach out to feel my heart,
It beats only for YOU.
I've warned it not to,
That in this way it’s going to get scarred badly,
Because no one has touched it like you have . . .
Yet still, it decides to do its own bidding.
. . .
And so I ‘let’ it most of the time,
To drive my whole being so it’ll see the errors of its ways.
But still,
The heart wants what it wants,
And no amount of logic convinces it otherwise.
But right now, I need a fix so desperately,
Because the heart isn’t getting what it wants,
And it's taking every other part in downright agony
With its incessant and (I must confess) naturally innocent yearnings.
I need to teach my heart,
To learn to beat for ME first,
Before it can learn to beat for two rightly.
So I'll have to resort to logic to fix me,
Beyond the beautiful heart’s wishes,
Because the heart seems to be getting it all wrongly.
Who knows?
So what I need now is space,
Not because I admire the uncertainty that voyagers face there,
But space from You to fix Me,
No matter how much it’s going to hurt.
When I’m done fixing my heart,
It’s going to beat right enough,
To know how to beat for two,
Not just for You alone,
And probably get what it so years for.
I want to be mad at you,
But I just can’t.
I try so hard to find every reason to be,
But the innocence of your voice . . .
Oh my!
It makes me fail miserably each time I make up reasons to be mad
It just melts every trace of anger
I want to be there for you,
But I just don’t know how.
I know you need one like me,
Not because it'll probably bless me more (for now)
I just feel it strongly that I could be strong for you.
Any and every time I reach out to feel my heart,
It beats only for YOU.
I've warned it not to,
That in this way it’s going to get scarred badly,
Because no one has touched it like you have . . .
Yet still, it decides to do its own bidding.
. . .
And so I ‘let’ it most of the time,
To drive my whole being so it’ll see the errors of its ways.
But still,
The heart wants what it wants,
And no amount of logic convinces it otherwise.
But right now, I need a fix so desperately,
Because the heart isn’t getting what it wants,
And it's taking every other part in downright agony
With its incessant and (I must confess) naturally innocent yearnings.
I need to teach my heart,
To learn to beat for ME first,
Before it can learn to beat for two rightly.
So I'll have to resort to logic to fix me,
Beyond the beautiful heart’s wishes,
Because the heart seems to be getting it all wrongly.
Who knows?
So what I need now is space,
Not because I admire the uncertainty that voyagers face there,
But space from You to fix Me,
No matter how much it’s going to hurt.
When I’m done fixing my heart,
It’s going to beat right enough,
To know how to beat for two,
Not just for You alone,
And probably get what it so years for.
