Patrick Logan's Blog
January 16, 2020
Extracting Evil is LIVE!
Deadpool meets Dexter in the final book in the Dr. Beckett Campbell, Medical Examiner!
Grab your copy now!
Grab your copy now!
Published on January 16, 2020 18:58
June 18, 2019
Devil's Den finally gets a release date!
Yep. It's official. Devil's Den is going to be released on June 25th. That's a week away. Get ready, because it's Chase's most dangerous adventure yet. If you want to be part of the official cover reveal party, follow me on Insta: @authorpatricklogan.Once you enter the Devil's Den, you never get out...Pat
Published on June 18, 2019 16:28
May 8, 2019
SURGICAL PRECISION IS LIVE!
Book 3 in the best-selling Dr. Beckett Campbell, Medical Examiner Series is now available in e-book and paperback. Audio coming soon...
Beckett's in a whole heap of trouble, and only his sharp mind and sharper tongue can get him out of a seemingly impossible jam.But hey, that's Beckett for you. Grab your copy by clicking the image above!Pat
Beckett's in a whole heap of trouble, and only his sharp mind and sharper tongue can get him out of a seemingly impossible jam.But hey, that's Beckett for you. Grab your copy by clicking the image above!Pat
Published on May 08, 2019 11:24
April 23, 2019
Devil's den
Chapter 7"I'm glad you came to see me, Chase. As I've told you many times, my own door is always open to you."Chase took a seat and stared at the bald man with glasses across from her. She remembered how much disdain she’d held for him the first time they’d met; how difficult it had been to come in here and speak about anything that was even partly true.How things had changed."I was just assigned this new case… it involves missing, and likely murdered, women."Chase stared closely at Dr. Matteo as she spoke, trying to get a hint of a wince, a cringe, anything that might indicate that the man was nervous about her accepting such a case.But Dr. Matteo had a poker face that rivaled hers; if he was anxious or concerned, he wasn’t showing it."They’re older, mid-twenties, but still…" Chase said, letting her sentence trail off. It occurred to her that she was doing this a lot lately and didn’t care for it. When she would lie, Chase tended to be curt, to the point."You're searching, Chase. You're searching for an excuse not to take this case. And I understand that. But if there's anything I taught you, it is to live—""In the present," Chase finished for him. It was the man's common refrain, and it had helped her get through a lot."Yeah, I know, I’m like a broken record. Just remember that none of these girls are you, as much as you might want them to be. You need to avoid projecting, avoid the notion that if you save these women, then you’ve saved yourself. I don't want to sound condescending, but you know this. You know this because criminals do it all the time, and you have more experience with them than most anybody else. And your job, in case you forgot, is not to save people. It is to try to save people. You are not the perpetrator of the crimes, Chase."Chase took this in and found herself nodding."Yeah, it's just…"You're doing it again, Chase. Just say it. Just say what you want to say.Dr. Matteo gave her an opportunity to do just that.She exhaled loudly."I'm afraid that I'm going to see my sister in these victims. And then I’m going to feel guilty about leaving her again, which will lead me onto a path of self-destruction."Her candidness surprised even her, but Chase went with it."And I don't think I can survive that, not again."Dr. Matteo nodded."I don't think you can, either. How long have you been coming to see me, Chase? How long has it been since we first met?”Chase shrugged."Two years, give or take?""Eighteen months," Dr. Matteo corrected. "And during this time, how many meetings have we had? And I'm not talking about the group sessions, just the one on one's."Chase racked her brain but could only guess."I dunno. Thirty?"Dr. Matteo shook his head."Ninety-seven; you and I have met in private ninety-seven times over these eighteen months."This surprised Chase. Ironically, she had started to come more regularly since things had gotten better, but ninety-seven? That seemed absurd."Really? That many?"He nodded."And how many times do you think that we’ve spoken about your sister during these talks?"This, Chase knew the answer to."Every one of them.""That's right; every single time we meet you mention your sister. Let me just ask you one more question, Chase, and I don’t at all mean this in a derogatory or disparaging way, but how many times do you think we have to meet before you're going to be able to deal with a case like this? One dealing with missing children? Missing girls?"Chase had no idea where the man was going with this, so she just shrugged."Ninety-seven," Dr. Matteo continued confidently. "We've gone through every issue that you’ve had related to what happened to you and your sister.”The man leaned back in his chair and despite what he’d just said, Chase felt her annoyance building.“So? It was fucked up—it is fucked up. I can’t just ignore it.”“Nor should you. But I think it’s time we focused on the reason why you continue to bring it up.”“Because—”“—before you say, it’s because it was such a traumatic experience—which it undoubtedly was—I am going to pre-emptively disagree. My clinical opinion is that you bring up your sister because it holds a certain amount of comfort to you. The memory causes you pain, and the pain reminds you of her. This pain also keeps you grounded, keeps you away from your other vices.”Except for that one mistake with Stitts…Chase shook her head.“And what’s wrong with that?”“It’s just another crutch. You don’t need to do that; you don’t need to feel that pain to remember her.Look, you could come see me a thousand, a million times, and we’d still be talking about your sister. And I don’t mean to say that you’re incurable, quite the contrary. I think you’re ready to move on, in a sense. To talk about other things in your life that, good or bad, affect you.”Chase scowled. She couldn’t help but feel that what Dr. Matteo was saying was incredibly callous and offensive. Deep down, she knew that wasn’t true—the man was straightforward, blunt, but also caring—but to forget about Georgina? To talk about something else? That was… that was being unfaithful. “So, let’s try it then. Is there something else bothering you? Something not directly related to this case or your sister?”Chase folded her arms across her chest defiantly.“No.”Dr. Matteo chuckled.“You used to be a great liar, Chase. Now? Not so much. Okay, okay, how’s your sex life?”The question was so startling that Chase’s mouth fell open for a second before she snapped it closed.“Fine.”“Ah, so non-existent then,” Dr. Matteo said. “You’re legally separated from your husband now, aren’t you?”Chase hated that word. Separated. It was essentially purgatory. In Heaven, you had everything at your fingertips, anything you ever wanted. In Hell, at least you knew what was coming. In purgatory? Fuck, who knows. One day you’re being fed grapes, the next you’re being branded with a scalding iron.She nodded.“So, you can explore other relationships, correct?”Another nod.“Why do you have a non-existent sex life, then?”“It’s not non-existent. In fact, I had sex with…”Dr. Matteo just stared at her, waiting for her to continue, but Chase couldn’t bring herself to say his name.Stitts… I had sex with my partner Stitts after a highly emotionally charged time. It was fantastic, but afterward, I pretty much shut it out of my memory. When Stitts called, I pretended it never happened, pretended that things were as they used to be. Until I saw him last night, that is; until I touched his arm…“Okay, I’m not looking for details. But was this a casual encounter or something that you’re looking to pursue?”Chase couldn’t tell if Dr. Matteo was probing because of her tumultuous history with sex or for another reason entirely. Either way, she didn’t feel like talking about it.“I dunno. Can we just talk about my sister? This damn case I was just assigned?”Dr. Matteo shook his head.“No.”“What do you mean, no? I pay you well to come here and talk, and that’s what I—”“No, Chase. I’m not going to talk about her, I’m not going to let you off the hook that easily. Do you realize what just happened? I asked you a question, a simple, but crude question, and it triggered something in you. Rather than deal with the issue, you defaulted to your sister, to that pain. I won’t let you do it, at least not with me.”Chase stared at Dr. Matteo, trying to figure out if he was bluffing. While her skills of deception might have waned over time, her ability to read others, with or without touching them, had become razor sharp.“Fine, I’m leaving then,” she spat, rising to her feet. She’d just pulled the door open when his voice drew her back.“I think you can handle this case, Chase. I think you have the tools now to handle any case. Just remember, this case isn’t in the past, it’s in the—”“Goddamn present,” she finished for him, before leaving the office. “Thanks for nothing, doc.”
Published on April 23, 2019 08:23
April 18, 2019
Devi's Den
Chapter 6"Are you… are you okay?" Chase said tentatively as she stepped outside with Stitts who lit a cigarette. It felt strange asking him this, given how much she hated when he used to pose the question to her. But Stitts was nonplussed. Extremely nonplussed."I'm fine," he said. As he brought his cup of coffee to his lips, Chase noticed that his hand was trembling slightly. She could also tell by the color of the liquid that sloshed in the Styrofoam that it wasn't just coffee in there."Yeah, sure, I’ve played that game, too. I'm fine, stop asking me that, that sort of defensive bullshit," Chase said, as her partner took a drag. Then he downed the rest of his drink and tossed it in the garbage."Is that right?"Stitts glared at her, and, once again, Chase was struck by how much anger was directed at her.She looked away."I came looking for you this morning. Your door was open, so I came in…" Chase let her sentence trail off, picturing the mess in his apartment. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.”Stitts took another drag and turned his gaze to the parking lot."Yeah, well, I’m here, aren’t I? I'm fine, Chase. Just had a few too many last night, but, hey, isn’t that what vacation’s for?"Chase decided not to dwell on the matter; they had other issues to deal with. Starting with Bea Stigurl."I've got a couple of things I need to take care of before we catch the flight to Albuquerque," she said absently.Stitts nodded."Me too.""Like take a shower?”Chase had meant the comment as a joke, a way to lift the mood a little, but instead of laughing or even getting angry, Stitts’s reaction was worse: he was ambivalent.He flicked his cigarette butt to the asphalt and started toward his car."Yeah, a shower. That’s what I need."***Chase wasn't entirely surprised to see Louisa in the parking lot of Grassroots Recovery. They often bumped into one another here, even outside of days that they had group meetings. Both had made a habit of dropping in when something arose, or when they just needed to talk, with each other, or Dr. Matteo.This time, Chase was here for the latter.Nevertheless, she made her way over to Louisa’s parked car and looked inside. The woman was behind the wheel, even though the vehicle was off. She was staring straight ahead, and Chase swore that she saw the woman’s lips moving.“Louisa?” Chase said softly as she rapped a knuckle off the glass. The woman startled, but when she saw who it was, a smile crept onto her face.She rolled down the window."Fancy meeting you here. Are you coming or going? Because I could sure use some greasy food to sop up all those drinks we had last night.”"Coming," Chase replied. "Listen, I wanted to thank you for what you did for my partner. He’s been having a rough go of it ever since his mother died, and after what happened in Washington."Not to mention our little ‘accident’, Chase thought.Louisa's brow furled, but when she looked about to say something, Chase held up a hand."No, I don't need you to tell me where you found him, not my business. Just wanted to thank you."Louisa gave her another curious look but then nodded.Chase turned her eyes to Grassroots."I'm going away for a few days, got a new case in Albuquerque.""I thought you were off?”"I was off, but now I’m back. You take care of yourself, Louisa.”“Yeah, you too. And take care of that partner of yours. He was in rough shape last night.”Chase nodded and started toward Grassroots.Just last night? I’m thinking that Stitts has been in rough shape for some time.
Published on April 18, 2019 18:10
April 16, 2019
Devil's Den
Chapter 5"I've killed them," the female voice said in barely a whisper. "I've killed them all."This was followed by the sound of falling objects, like a bunch of marbles being dropped onto a metal table."Who, Bea? Who have you killed?"This time, the reply was barely audible."All the girls."Director Hampton reached over and shut off the small tape recorder."That sound you heard, kinda like beads being dropped? That was the jewellery, or as you put it, Chase, the souvenirs. Three of them have already been linked to missing girls, one of whom hasn’t been seen in seven years. All three were street workers."All the girls…That sentence caused a shiver to travel up and down Chase's spine."How old?" she asked, trying to force images of her sister out of her mind.Hampton gave her a strange look."The girls who went missing?"Chase nodded."The three girls who were identified were all between the ages of twenty-four and twenty-eight. Like I said, street workers. One was in the US illegally, as well."“Where did the jewellery come from?”“Bea had it in a bag when she was picked up. Twenty-five items in all.”“Twenty-five?” Stitts said, incredulous. “What are we saying here? That this Bea girl killed twenty-five people and then… turned herself in?”“That’s what she says.”Stitts shook his head."Have they found any bodies?”“Not as of yet.”“Any mention of an accomplice? A male accomplice?"Director Hampton sighed and leaned on his elbows onto the desk."I know what you're going to say, Stitts—you don't need to preach the choir. I know how rare a female serial killer is, especially one that targets other females. I know—""I've seen it in New York," Chase said quietly, remembering Ryanne Elliott, who had murdered several women and then wrote about it and published the books as fiction. "Ryanne—""—Elliott; yes, I’m familiar with that case, too, Chase," Director Hampton interjected. "But those were more murders of passion, and while the targets were random people, the woman was out for financial gain. That was her motive. Here…” Hampton shrugged.“Bea hasn’t said anything about why she killed these people?” Stitts asked.“No. And other than the jewellery, which the local PD is trying hard to match with other missing persons, there is no crime scene and no evidence.”Stitts made a face.“Then how do we know that a crime has even been committed, other than petty theft, that is.”Hampton’s answer was immediate.“We don’t.”“What about Bea? What’s her story? Does she have a job? A criminal record? Anything like that?” Chase interjected.“No record of any Bea Stigurl in any database. No Social Security number, no tax filings, no driver’s license. Nothing. She claims to only be able to remember her name. And that she’s killed—”“Hold up,” Stitts said. “Wait a second. This sounds like someone just trying to get some media attention. Shouldn’t we actually wait for a crime to be confirmed before we get involved?”Chase cringed; she expected Hampton to become enraged at this challenge, which she suspected that Stitts would have never made if he wasn’t spectacularly hungover, but was surprised; Hampton averted his eyes before replying.“It’s a favor to an old friend. And it’s a messed-up situation down there, given where the girl was found and the fact that nobody wants to deal with missing street workers, some of whom are aliens.”Chase got the impression that even though the Director’s words seemed like an admission, they were also pointed: the first half was for Stitts, the latter for her.Both were playing to their emotions and sensibilities.When Chase and Stitts both went silent for a moment, the Director leaned forward and interlaced his fingers.“Look, go down there and look around. Talk to people, do what you do. If in a few days you’re unconvinced that this Bea girl is telling the truth? Come back. I’ll give you another month of leave.”The man thought that he was doing them a favor, but the last thing that Chase wanted was more time off. The idea of a case that might not be a case wasn’t that appealing to her either, but it was something.No matter the reason, it was clear to her that Hampton was asking for her help because she had a way of piecing together lost memories.“Fine by me. What about—”Chase was about to ask Stitts his opinion when Hampton’s face got hard again.“It wasn’t a request. Your flight leaves at four. So, if you guys need to tidy anything up before you go, I suggest you do it in the next few hours. And try not to miss this flight, like you did for the one to Nashville."Chase rose to her feet, but Stitts remained seated. He looked as if he were about to protest further,which she got the impression wouldn’t go over well with the Director.“Come on, Stitts. Let’s go.”Stitts turned his eyes to her, and for a split-second, she saw something in them that she’d never seen before.Hatred.Chase swallowed hard and looked away.Stitts, what in the hell is going on with you?
Published on April 16, 2019 20:59
April 12, 2019
Devil's Den Preview
Chapter 4Chase sat in her car for several moments after making sure that Stitts’s apartment was empty. She wasn't sure what to do; Director Hampton had called again, stressing how important it was for her andStitts to come to see him.But that was the problem. Where the fuck was Stitts?The only good news was that Chase was almost certain that Director Hampton had a new case for them; that was the only explanation for the urgency.It dawned on her that Stitts might already be at the FBI Training Facility, but she quickly banished the idea.What? He went to work, leaving his place a sty and forgetting not just to lock the door, but close it? Besides, Hampton said that he couldn’t even get a hold of him; how would Stitts know that the Director wanted them to come in? Use your head, Chase.Scowling now, she pulled her phone out and dialed Stitts’s number for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. As usual, it went directly to voicemail, which was still full.“What the hell, Stitts?”Chase was about to put her phone away, before hesitating. She had to go see Hampton, with or without Stitts. But she couldn’t just leave his place without doing something… could she?With a sigh, Chase scrolled through her contacts before landing on the name of one of the few people that she could trust.It felt cheap, passing the responsibility of her partner’s whereabouts onto someone else, but if there was a case, she needed to get started yesterday.Chase clicked the name and then waited for her friend to answer."Louisa? It's me, Chase. Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a favor…"After hanging up the phone, Chase felt a little better about her decision and made the short drive to theFBI Training Headquarters with a relatively clear head. She wasn’t Stitts’s girlfriend, she was his partner.Not all of the man’s personal life was her domain.Just the parts that affected her, and by proxy, her work.Chase had barely made it into the building before she noticed the stares, the strange looks that her colleagues tried, and failed, to subversively cast in her direction. To her surprise, this didn’t bother Chase. After what happened in Washington, after William Woodley aired that piece about her, despite since recanting, people had started looking at her with a mix of scorn and pity. But Chase didn’t care; she knew that she was quickly becoming one of the best agents in the Bureau, and the fact that she had a checkered past didn’t change that fact. It wasn’t like they came in with perfect histories, either; most every Agent was in the FBI because of something that had happened to them, or someone they knew.They all had skeletons in their closets. Chase just happened to have a mausoleum of cadavers stalking her past.In the present, Chase. Remain in the present.Chase approached Director Hampton’s door and knocked once."Come in," a voice barked, and Chase did just that.Hampton’s usually sour demeanor was particularly acerbic today, which manifested as deep grooves around his mouth. Even his eyes, typically a light hazel, appeared nearly black."Where's Stitts?" he demanded, casting a glance behind her.Chase’s visceral reaction to the comment was one of disdain.Stitts… you fun boys always looking out for each other, aren’t you?She pushed these feelings aside."He's… He's…"Chase shook her head. Normally, lying came easily to her; after all, she’d been lying to herself for most of her life. But for some reason, she was at a loss for words."He's what?"Chase cleared her throat to buy time."Well, he's, uhh, he’s—""—running a little late," a familiar voice said from behind her. Chase turned around and had to suppress a sigh of relief when Special Agent Jeremy Stitts stepped into the office. He was wearing his characteristic navy trousers and blazer, but the white shirt beneath was buttoned incorrectly, which made the right side of his collar jut up a half-inch higher than the left. He hadn't shaved, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was a mess—at least by Stitts’s standards. As if this wasn’t enough of a tip off that he’d been out the night prior, just a single step forward caused a wave of booze and cigarettes to waft in with him.Chase stared at her partner, blinked twice, and then shook her head. Stitts ignored her and took up residence in one of the two chairs across from the Director. Chase slid into the other."Albuquerque, New Mexico," the Director said sternly, clearly unfazed by Stitts’s appearance. He produced a folder from the top drawer of his desk and slid it across the table. Stitts instinctively reached for it, but his movements were languid, and Chase snatched it up first. Hampton frowned and continued."A twenty-nine-year-old woman by the name of Bea Stigurl was found wandering just north of Sevilleta National Wildlife Refuge in some sort of daze.”As the man spoke, Chase opened the folder, holding it at such an angle that Stitts could also see.The first photograph was of Bea Stigurl, evidently taken not long after when she'd been found. What little makeup the woman wore was streaked, her hair was thin and ratty, and her cheekbones prominent. She was thin, bordering on anorexic. Chase flipped to the second page and quickly scanned the summary, which wasn’t hard, given how sparse the information was. The woman had some sort of amnesia and could only remember her name. She had a large, but not serious, contusion on the back of her head, as well as minor scrapes and bruises. Preliminary examination revealed no evidence of sexual assault.Chase made a face and raised her eyes."I don’t get it… was she kidnapped? Abducted?"The director raised an eyebrow and with her guard down, Stitts managed to snatch the folder from her hand."Unclear at this point," Director Hampton informed her."Then why are we being called in?" Chase asked, her face awash with confusion.Before the Director could answer, Stitts held up several photographs."What's all this crap?" he asked. His breath smelled like a distiller.Chase glanced at the photographs that her partner was holding up and tilted her head to get a better view. The first was a bracelet of some sort, the second a necklace, the third a small, silver ring. There were a dozen or more similar photographs behind these first three.“A jewellery store heist?” Chase said, half-jokingly. “We’re being called in for a—”Stitts flipped to another photo, this time of a necklace with a small heart on it, engraved with initials.Chase’s face suddenly dropped.The initials weren’t BS, or B something S, like she might have expected from a woman named Bea Stigurl, but MBP."They're trophies," Chase said suddenly. "They're trophies from the people she's murdered."
Published on April 12, 2019 14:18
April 11, 2019
Devil's Den
Chapter 3Chase was in the shower when her phone buzzed the first time. She’d just gotten back from a 5K run and, despite not sleeping much at all, she was quite happy with her time. Running served two purposes for her: one, to keep her body physically fit, and, two, to keep her mind off things. It was one of the few tools she still had at her disposal to clear her head.After drying off, her phone buzzed again, and this time she managed to grab it before it rang out.Without looking at the caller, she answered it."Chase Adams.”"Agent Adams, it's Director Hampton. I've been trying to get a hold of your partner all morning, with no luck. Any idea where he might be?"Chase thought back to how drunk Stitts had been the night before."No idea, but I could swing by his place if you want. What's up? New case?" she asked hopefully.Director Hampton grunted. Chase was too distracted by the prospect of a new case to be annoyed by the fact that Hampton had only called her because Stitts was unavailable."See if you can round him up and meet me at the headquarters as soon as you can."Chase glanced at herself in the mirror and thought that even despite her lack of sleep, she would be able to make herself look presentable in only a few minutes."Sure thing. Is it a new case? Is it—"The phone beeped, letting her know that the Director had already hung up."Yeah, cool, thanks for the chat.”Chase dressed, put on the bare minimum of makeup, and quickly brewed a hot cup of coffee before heading to Stitts’s place for the second time in less than twelve hours.***"Stitts? Hey, Stitts, you in here?" Chase shouted as she knocked on the door. It swung open without even having to try the knob. Eyebrow raised, she leaned inside. "All right, I'm coming in…”She hoped that he would holler back at her, say something along the lines of, give me a minute and a half-bottle of Tylenol, but the interior of the apartment was silent.Her concern building, Chase stepped inside and immediately crinkled her nose. It reeked of sweat and sour alcohol.A quick glance at the kitchen counter, and she realized where the smell was coming from. At least some—most—of it, anyway.The counter was covered with empty beer bottles, totaling a dozen or more. There were also several take-out containers littered about. Chase couldn’t resist; she walked over and peeked inside the first white cardboard container that she saw, and then immediately recoiled, wishing she hadn't.Whatever it was, whatever Asian delicacy had once graced the inside of that cardboard, had gone off. And not over the course of one night, either.Jesus, Stitts. We’ve been off work for a couple of months and you’ve really let yourself go.After their brief ‘encounter’ they’d parted ways, only texting a couple of times a week to keep in touch. Chase had suspected that Stitts just needed a break but had never considered that it had gotten this bad.She swallowed hard, recalling the feelings that she’d experienced when they’d brushed up against each other at the bar.It hadn’t been so bad that he’d think about—Chase shook her head."Stitts? You here?" she shouted a little louder this time.Still no answer.Her concern becoming palpable now, Chase made her way deeper into the apartment, stepping over piles of soiled laundry as she went.On the table beside a worn leather chair that, judging by the multitude of creases, was Stitts’s favorite, there was an ashtray brimming with cigarette butts.“Gross,” she muttered.Chase glanced into the bathroom, hoping to find Stitts passed out in the bathtub but was met only by a toilet bowl full of dark yellow piss.She’d become accustomed to the smell in the bachelor pad, but the bathroom was next level.The only place left that Stitts could be was in the bedroom, and the door was closed.Chase strode up to the door with purpose and then knocked without hesitation."Okay, Stitts, I'm coming in then. Make sure—" she continued speaking as she opened the door and pushed it wide —"you're decent.”The room was completely empty. The bedsheets were balled up at the foot of the bed, and the pillows were lying on the floor. The window was closed, the lights were off, and the dresser drawers were all open to varying degrees.Chase just stood in the doorway for a moment, her eyes scanning the room back and forth as if expecting Stitts to emerge from the shadows.He didn’t."Where the fuck are you, Stitts?"
Published on April 11, 2019 10:48
April 10, 2019
Chapter 2
Chapter 2One more drink led to three, but Chase kept it under control. Louisa liked to talk—and drink—and Chase made a habit of just listening most of the time. The two shared much in common, not the least of which was their intertwined past. Over the past few months, in which they’d spent much time together outside of the clinic, Chase had learned that Louisa had elected to stay in Franklin for most of her life, and had only moved to Virginia after getting married. The woman had also admitted that her problems with addiction had mostly manifested after moving away from the comforts of her home town. But unlike Chase, Lousia’s husband and children—two—had stuck by her to this very day. Brad, on the other hand, had accepted a job in Sweden and had taken Felix with him.Chase tried not to hold any disdain for the man for what he’d done—she’d come to realize that both of them were better off without her when she was still struggling with addiction—but sometimes… sometimes she hated him for leaving. Sometimes, the way she missed Felix made her physically ill.Sometimes, she missed Brad’s kisses and caresses.Stitts’ lips against mine, his soft, gentle touch…When she was working, Chase was working. Her mind was fully and completely dedicated to solving the heinous crimes that the Bureau stuck her with. But now, what with her ‘regulated downtime’, she missed them more and more each day.And yet, when Brad had reached out a month or two ago to see how she was and to try and reestablish a line of communication between Chase and himself—or, if she wasn’t interested in that, just with Felix—she’d never called him back. I’m not quite ready yet, she told herself. I’ll only fuck it up again. I’ll relapse, put them through hell once more. Chase could lie to Louisa, but not to herself. The truth was, she was scared. Scared of letting them down,scared of how they might handle her, scared of just going back to the way things were."Ever think that there is some almighty power out there?" Louisa asked suddenly. The question was sounexpected that Chase was drawn out of her head. “Almighty power?” Chase asked, eyebrow raised. What almighty power would let a five- and eight-year old be abducted by two sadistic assholes? What almighty power would give young children bone cancer? Brain cancer? If there’s an almighty out there, he’s a real fucking asshole, she thought, but didn’t say.Louisa must have seen something in her face, because she quickly clarified. "I don’t mean like a God, or anything like that. But some sort of… I dunno, an attraction between people. I mean, think about it; what are the odds that you and I both end up in Virginia, all these years later? You could've been anywhere in the world, and yet, we were drawn here for very different reasons. Shit, we could have been anywhere in Virginia and never run into each other—not once. But no, of all the—"Someone bumped into Chase's arm, jostling her beer. The man’s bare flesh only just grazed her hand, but this was enough to spark her brain.Only, unlike the man who had hit on her, Chase didn’t see so much of a narrative this time, but more just a jumble of feelings. A sense of despair, depression, self-loathing. The sensation was so powerful, in fact, that Chase nearly dropped her drink."Jesus, watch where you’re going," she almost gasped. The man started to turn, and Chase’s mouth fell open. "Stitts? Stitts? What the hell you doing here?"The man looked disheveled, his face unshaven, with thick dark circles under his eyes. He reeked of booze and cigarettes. Chase reached out to him, but he pulled back and staggered."Same thing you are," he slurred. "Gettin’ drunk, forgettin’ my problems."Stitts's gaze failed to focus on her, and the only way Chase could get him to look directly into her eyes, was to grab his face between her palms.The feelings of remorse and depression immediately returned, but she refused to let go."It's Chase, Stitts. Fuck, it’s me.” Maybe he recognized her face, or maybe it was her voice, but whatever it was, Stitts blinked several times as if he'd been lost in some sort of reverie, then seemed to come to."Sorry," he grumbled, his face turning the same red as his bloodshot eyes. "I'm just tired.""Bullshit," Chase shot back. "I’m just tired, you’re hammered. Come on, let me call you a cab."Stitts started to protest, but he must've seen the look on her face, because he quickly gave up. Chase hooked an arm around his waist, careful to not touch his skin this time, and then looked to Louisa.“I’m—” the grin on the woman’s face caused her to hesitate. “I’m taking him home,” Chase finally managed. “Gonna make sure he gets in a cab.”Louisa raised her eyebrows several times in succession. If Chase wasn’t pre-occupied in making sure that Stitts didn’t keel over and take them both down, she would have punched her friend.“Have a good night,” Louisa said as they passed. Chase did manage a weak elbow into the woman’s soft side.“One time thing,” Chase whispered as she passed. “You gonna be all right on your own?"Louisa nodded."I'm a big girl; I can look after myself. We'll catch up tomorrow."Chase watched her friend intently as she spoke. Louisa was on the plumper side, carrying a little extra weight around her middle and on her hips and ass, but during one of their gab sessions, she’d bragged about just earning her Purple belt in jiu-jitsu. Yeah, she could take care of herself. But Chase couldn't help but notice a flicker of doubt cross over Louisa’s face, something that she recognized in herself from time to time.There was a feeling of helplessness that accompanied trauma experienced as a child that neither of them had ever really gotten over. Even as they aged, this feeling remained, like an intractable smell.Chase doubted that if Louisa became a 10th degree black belt that this would ever go away, because Chase knew that no matter how many bad guys she put behind bars or beneath dirt, she too would doubt. The fear of being that helpless again had changed them in ways that no amount of training could ever take away."Thanks for the drinks," Chase said with a weary smile. Then she tugged on Stitts’ waist. "Come on, Stitts. Let's get you you home."***For the first time since returning from Washington, D.C., Chase slept poorly. Only it wasn’t because of what happened all those years ago, or even because of what went down in Franklin.It wasn’t even because of Brad or Felix. No, it was because of Stitts.Stitts, and the mistake that they’d made. One slip up, a single regression to her previous ways of dealing with things that should have never happened. We were both emotional, him because of his mother’s death, and me because of my father’s. It was just one night, one mistake… I didn’t mean anything.Only there was more to it than that, and Chase knew it. Stitts had been there for her, had stood up for her when no one else would. Shit, he was even the one who had introduced her to her own strange abilities.Chase liked Stitts, really liked him, but she’d given up the right to these feelings. Dr. Matteo had not so subtly informed her that she dealt with her issues by implementing one, or more, of three less than desirable techniques: numbing her feelings using exogenous compounds, throwing herself into her work as a form of distraction, and using her body to trick herself into a false sense of control. Dr. Matteo had told her that in order to get better, to truly get well again, she had to abstain from all three.But Chase couldn’t do that, because for her entire life, she’d wanted to become an FBI Agent. No matter how much sense the doctor made, or how much encouragement or support she had, Chase simply couldn’t let go of that. This need was part of her, much the way her ability had become intractable with who she was.But this had come at a cost. Chase couldn’t express what she felt for Stitts, nor could she act on it… again.“Fuck,” Chase whispered, while staring at the ceiling. There was also guilt. Guilt, because she was still, in fact, married. Chase closed her eyes then, hoping to see nothing but the velvety blanket of darkness.Instead, she saw Stitts the way he’d been when the cab had dropped him off, so drunk that the man could barely stand. This brought about a memory of what she’d felt when their skin had touched: Stitts’s depression, his self-loathing. Check back for Chapter 3 TOMORROW!Shit. Chase opened her eyes again. “Please, Director Hampton, give me another case… give me another case so that I can forget all about this other shit that doesn’t matter.”
Published on April 10, 2019 10:53
April 9, 2019
Chapter 1
PART I – The ConfessionChapter 1ONE WEEK AGO"I couldn't help but notice you staring at me from across the bar," the man said as he sidled up next to Chase. "I was thinking that maybe you wanted to buy me a drink?"Chase rolled her eyes and reluctantly turned to the man. He was handsome, with blue eyes, the beginnings of a beard, and hair that, while receding just a little, was styled nicely to one side."I think you may have mistaken me for someone else," she said, with a subtle eyebrow lift. Then she brought her beer to her lips and took a big gulp. It was nearly empty, which she hoped was a signal to Louisa that it was about time to go. But when she looked at her friend and saw her patented smirk, she knew that the woman had other ideas."Don't say it," Chase grumbled with another eye roll. "I'm just going to finish this beer and get out of here."Louisa checked her watch, sipped her own drink, a vodka soda, then shook her head."It's early—not even eleven yet. I thought you said that you were off for a few more days?"Chase nodded."Yeah, coming up on three months since Washington—feels like three years. Boss called it required downtime, but it’s really just paid—""All right, all right," the man who had come up next to Chase interrupted, "maybe that was a bit too forward of me. How about I buy you a drink? I can see that you’re almost dry."The man reached out for her then, not in an aggressive way, but simply to indicate that her glass was indeed almost empty. Still, Chase instinctively pulled back, and the man’s fingers inadvertently brushed over the back of her hand.After Washington, she’d gotten into the habit of wearing gloves everywhere she went, but in the absence of a case, she’d gotten lazy over the past week or so. Lazy, and annoyed about having to make up an excuse for wearing gloves in the middle of the summer.Now, however, she regretted the oversight."I said, I'm not interested."Her smile gone now, she turned back to Louisa, this time making sure that her body language left nothing to be misinterpreted."Yeah, but the boss said that if there’s an emergency I can be called in at any moment.”Louisa’s smile grew.“Speaking of which, that means you’re going to be reunited with your partner, with Stitts?”An image of the man’s perfect hair and handsome smile flickered in her mind. This was quickly followed by his lips on hers, sweat dripping from his forehead, their bodies—Chase shook her head.“One-time deal—a mistake,” she shot back quickly. “A moment of weakness after a very emotional time. To be honest, I haven’t spoken to him in weeks. But nothing—”"Excuse me, but no woman should be without a—"Chase growled and whipped around, her eyes blazing.Take a fucking hint, buddy."Without what? Her husband? No woman should be without her husband? Yeah, I can see that. And I think your kids are missing you, too. It's been what? Two days?"When the man's eyebrows lifted, and he recoiled as if he’d been struck, Chase pursed her lips."No, two and a half days, maybe three. Listen, buddy, I already told you I wasn't interested. So, either you go back home to your wife and your two kids, or you find someone else who’s willing to sleep with you. Because I can assure you, that person ain't me."The man nearly slipped off his stool. His eyes wide, he started to back away from her."How did you—how do you know—""I read tarot cards for a living. Now beat it."Finally satisfied, Chase looked to Louisa and was surprised to see that her expression matched that of the man she’d just berated."What the hell was that?” she asked. “How did you do that? You know him from somewhere? His wife, maybe?”Chase shrugged."Naw, just a lucky guess."Chase should've known that this reply would leave Louisa dissatisfied. The woman was a hound when it came to information and was incredibly fascinated not just by Chase’s job, but by Chase as well.By how her mind worked, how she thought, and how she dealt with her past.Not ideal for a person as secretive as herself, but the woman’s loyalty and compassion outweighed her forthright nature."No, seriously. That was amazing. I thought the guy’s eyes were going to fall out of his pretty head."Chase shrugged again."It was nothing.""It wasn't nothing; it was some strange voodoo, some clairvoyant shit. Look, you either tell me how you did that, or I'm gonna chase down Mr. Blue Eyes and ask him if what he said was true. Then I’m going to slip him your number."Chase sighed."It’s just a profiling trick that the FBI taught us.”Louisa still wasn't buying it."Nuh-uh. No way. Your partner’s the profiler, which makes you the muscle. Come on, spill the beans.”Chase huffed, knowing that she wouldn't get out of this damn bar until she provided the woman with a satisfactory answer. She finished her drink, then began to speak."Well, for starters, I knew he was married because even though he wasn't wearing a wedding ring and had no tan line to speak of, he was holding his left hand just out of sight, where I could barely see it—a dead giveaway of a man who is conscious of the fact that he usually wears a wedding ring. His beard was also perfectly trimmed, both under his chin and on his cheeks. His neck, however, had about two days’ growth. The latter suggests that a woman is helping him groom, while the former is an indication that they haven’t been around for a day or two. He could have just been one of those metrosexual guys, but not in this joint. No offense, but based on his appearance and outfit, he’s here on business—doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the clientele, if you know what I mean. As for the kids? Just a guess, really. He was in his mid-thirties, married, and two kids are about the national average. I considered three, but I doubt his wife would let him go two or three days away from home if that were the case, business or not."Chase finished with a little smile. All-in-all, she was actually impressed with herself. Sure, she’d seen all of those things, and she had no doubt that the details were accurate, but it was a difficult thing to verbalize. Chase was still trying to understand exactly how her ‘gift’ worked but was getting better at it as time bore on.And yet, Chase had no idea how she knew that this was the first time the man had tried to pick up a woman in a bar in several years, or that his two kids were a boy and a girl. More disturbing still, was the fact that Chase was absolutely certain the girl was afflicted by some sort of palsy or seizure-inducing condition.Evidently, there were some aspects of her ability that were just beyond the limits of her comprehension."Shit, for real? You got all that from the one second that you looked at him?" Louisa asked, amazement crossing her features.No, Chase almost corrected. Not from staring at him; from touching him."Yep, I guess if this FBI thing doesn't work out, maybe I can get a job as a Carney, traveling the country, guessing people's ages."Carny… County Fair… Franklin, Tennessee…Chase swallowed hard and nodded at he bartender, indicating for him to come over."You know what, Louisa? I think I will have another drink."Check back tomorrow for another chapter!
Published on April 09, 2019 05:41


