Barbara Clark's Blog

(Originally published August 15, 2007)

This time of year is extremely busy for me in my work. This week in particular can be a challenge to remaining positive. Sometimes it seems as if there is no time to breathe! And that’s exactly what I need to do each and every time I get that feeling of stress.

It is much easier to “breathe” these days, especially when I remember a day years ago when I was laid off from work for 6 months, unable to find a job in my area of the country because of the economy there, availability of jobs and I was so overqualified… full of worries about supporting my children and paying the bills, thinking that this was the worst thing that ever happened to me…I didn’t “breathe” very well back then.

I found a job 1,000 miles away and it all worked out in the end. I made it much more difficult than it had to be though and how much easier it would have been had I been better at breathing back then! I know that this was all a part of the learning process so I’ve now learned to step back, stop and remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E when I am stressed out from work these days. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, clearing my mind and remaining in a state of gratitude.

So this week, I am filling my lungs with lots of oxygen and saying “thank you” for my job, for the work that I have so much of, for the financial abundance that continues to flow into my life, for the opportunities that it brings me, for the people who cross my path and enter my life, reminding me to breathe, for the people who force me to breathe, and for my lungs that I am able to breathe! Thank you! It makes my day so much easier. I suggest you try it the next time you feel that stress level rising.

(Originally published on December 3, 2007).

I just recently returned from visiting my mother in her assisted living facility, which is filled with many patients who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease, and other forms of dementia. As always on my visits to her, I am touched by the beautiful souls of people who are residing there. What follows is my recent encounter with a woman I will call Betty.

Betty spends most of her time working on jigsaw puzzles. In the course of a day and into the evenings, one can usually find her sitting in the main living room lounge, quietly working at a small table on a jigsaw puzzle. When she is not solving a puzzle, she is usually asking staff and anyone else who crosses her path or with whom she can make eye contact, for something to eat or drink. Many a time, she has just returned from eating in the dining room when she asks for something. I imagine different reasons why she does this, including the obvious that she has forgotten that she just ate. Perhaps she was always a “snacker” like many of us, and is continuing in her old habits to pass the time; or perhaps she associates jigsaw puzzles with food and drink as this was her life in her home before. Whatever the reason, she is known as the woman who asks for food and drink over and over again in the course of her waking hours. She has often asked me and I try to direct her to a staff member, who can decide whether she can have something or not. 

As I was rolling my suitcase towards the door in preparation for my departure to the airport, Betty approached me, with her usual, sweet demeanor, and stood face-to-face with me, with this look of anticipation like a young child expresses when asking for something really special. I’m thinking to myself that she surely is going to ask me for something to eat or drink and wondering what I will say to her this time as I cannot fulfill her request. But yesterday, much to my surprise, she asked me for something I could give her. This time she asked, “Can I get a hug and a kiss?” 

I was at first reluctant since I have had a sore throat all week, but she was already standing so close to me, I figured that as long as I turned my cheek so that she could kiss me, she would be spared from any germs I might be carrying. So I hugged her and turned my cheek. Her arms didn’t exactly reciprocate, but I squeezed her with my embrace pouring as much love as I could to this gentle, sweet woman. She landed a very big kiss on my left cheek. 

I smiled at her, feeling happy that I could give her what she wanted, and feeling good because she gave me a kiss, when she asked me, “Could I have another one?”

I smiled and chuckled and said “Sure,” while we repeated the same gesture of embracing and expressing love for each other. Then she went back to her table and sat down, working on her puzzle again.

I was so touched by her need: this need for a warming embrace, a tender kiss, the feeling of skin-to-skin. I wondered if she had been feeling lonely. That thought made me sad for a slight moment, but then I saw how happy she was so I focused on that.

The importance of touch cannot be overstated. We have probably all heard or read about the importance of touching for healthy, human development, particularly with premature babies who cannot go home to their parents right away. You may have also heard about stories of children in orphanages in other countries where they don’t pick them up often and how underdeveloped they are physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes we let animals do the work as they are often used for the healing of the sick or lonely (especially in the elderly). Often times, pets will demonstrate their affection for humans when there is no human around or willing to do so. 

Touch is so important for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Betty touched my soul yesterday. She touched me in ways that I fear I cannot accurately express here. 

I know it may sound cliche, but when was the last time you reached out and touched someone you care about? If you’re thinking of the commercial, I invite you to think beyond that as I am not talking about reaching them by telephone but about touching them in the physical sense. Maybe it’s a simple high five, a pat on the back, a tender touch on their arm to say “it’s OK,” a hug, a kiss, or if you’re really blessed with the love of your life, a tender cuddle together. The magic of that special touch from a loved one can do miracles for someone’s soul, including yours. Touch can be particularly powerful when the words cannot express, especially when we are making up with our partner. I’m talking about the skin-to-skin variety; the kind that makes you feel good, warm and loved; the kind that opens your heart to giving and receiving love, instead of thinking and analyzing things in your head about who did you wrong, whose fault it is, and how you will never forget their past mistakes. Focus on how important they are to you and give them a hug and a kiss instead. No words will be necessary. Forget those thoughts of hurt and don’t delay: a hug and a kiss will do.

I haven’t posted in over a year here. I lost my original website and have very slowly tried to recover some of the posts from years ago. I will post some of those earlier posts here as time goes on. I appreciate the Wayback Time Machine that makes it possible to find internet posts in the archives. I intend to make this a fresh start for this blog. Stay tuned!

As we enter the new month of February, I am appreciating the January word prompts this year. I don’t usually do them, but decided to do January to get back in the habit of writing, even if it was only a few words. I really liked reading other bloggers posts as well.

I probably won’t be posting daily here, but I do intend to get back to appreciating the things in life here. My intention for today is to make this day a great one for all!

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

The one thing I’m most scared to do is skydiving. Nothing would convince me to try it. I’m sure it’s exciting for those that enjoy it, but it’s just not for me. Years ago, we had a family friend lose their daughter due to her parachute not opening. I realize that’s probably not that common, but that’s good enough reason for me never to try it!

What do you complain about the most?

I don’t complain much, but when I do, it’s about the weather. Whether it’s too much rain, not enough rain, no sun for days or chilling arctic winds, I don’t like it. I do realize no amount of complaining will change things, though, so I honestly don’t do it often.

What are your favorite sports to watch and play?

This is a very easy writing prompt for me to answer today! I only watch sports and don’t play any. I love watching college football and especially the Iowa Hawkeyes. I’m a lifelong fan and an alumna of the University of Iowa. I have season tickets, too. It doesn’t matter if we win or lose, I just love going to games.

The other sport that i love watching is the Iowa women’s basketball team. I also have season tickets to that. We have the best player in the country right now in Caitlin Clark and I’m soaking every minute of it in. Go Hawks!

What would you do if you won the lottery?

If I were to win the lottery and win loads of dollars, I would consult with financial advisors, tax and legal experts before doing anything. I have no idea what people do with a large amount of money like that, so learning how to manage things would be the first order of business for me, even before I collected it.

What I’d do next would depend upon what I learn from these experts. In general, I see myself buying or building a home or two in places that I love, setting my children up for financial security, contributing to charities and causes I’m passionate about, and traveling more again. I might set up a foundation or two as well.

What books do you want to read?

Today’s writing prompt made me laugh. I laugh because I couldn’t possibly list all the books I want to read because there are too many!

I am on Goodreads and my current list of “want to read” books totals 142. Currently, I am reading the Harry Potter books because I just never got around to reading them but have seen all the movies. I’m on the second book. I usually read more than 1 book at a time, and I’m also reading Good Morning, Monster.

I appreciate a good book and have a lot of different interests in the genre. I would say that my favorites tend to be ones that keep me turning the pages or have some sort of historical reference The pandemic time really increased my reading as I had a ton of time at home to do so.

I have taken advantage of my local library and have been checking out ebooks on a regular basis and reading them on my Kindle app or listening to them on audio. When I traveled a lot, I would listen to books to pass the time in airports, but I find it takes me so much longer to listen to a book than to read it. Now I’ll listen if the wait is too long for the ebook or physical book at the library. I also recently discovered that audio books are available on the premium version of Spotify so I listened to Brittney Spear’s memoir on that I really appreciate these free ways of reading books as I don’t spend money buying the actual books anymore.

Write about a few of your favorite family traditions.

Today’s writing prompt asks to write about a few of my family traditions. While I don’t think we have many, I thought of a few things for today’s prompt.

One thing that has always been constant and is still so, is playing cards at every family gathering on my dad’s side of the family. We love to play euchre and always have a great time.

Particular foods at the holiday time are also part of my family traditions. Having married a Venezuelan, we typically have pan de jamón at Christmas gatherings. Sometimes we make hallacas , and since it’s a lot of work, we don’t always do it,

When the kids were little, I always took photos of them in front of our house on the first day of school. I think a lot of people do that and it’s always so nice to go back and see how they’ve grown from year to year.