Mark Darrah's Blog - Posts Tagged "leaf-blowers"
Don't Give Your Wife a Leaf Blower for Christmas
When I turn my yard into a Zen garden, I will do yard work but not until then.
I don't own a lawn mower and have never mowed the grass at my house despite many years of residence here. One autumn, I raked and bagged one hundred and twenty-five thirty-three gallon black bags of leaves. That was one time and I haven't done any yard work since.
I'm not lazy, but lawn care was a major pastime in two soulless suburban neighborhoods in which I lived growing up. While it is not this way for many people, yard work feels compulsively soulless to me.
"Hon, we ought to get a leaf blower," my wife said to me one fall.
My wife knew my history when she made this statement. She, though, tends to our little gardens and oversees those who actually cut the grass and edge the sidewalks.
I concluded my wife meant she wanted a leaf blower, that "we ought" meant "I want."
Her birthday approached. I was so happy. I knew what I was going to get for her -- a leaf blower. Without her knowing, I went to the Sears down the street and bought a lightweight Kenmore leaf blower. The box was too big to wrap so I covered it in a quilt and put it out for her several days before her big day.
She was curious, very curious. If truth be known, I think she was a little excited, too.
Her birthday arrived. The celebration began. My wife pushed away the quilt. You should have seen the look on my wife's face.
Guess who didn't want a leaf blower for her birthday?
I still don't know why she said we ought to get a leaf blower when she obviously didn't want one. She's never used the device, and it hangs virtually unused on a hook in our garage. I did learn a lesson, though.
If you think your wife wants a leaf blower for Christmas, don't buy her one. Consider getting her a copy of A Catalogue of Common People, a collection of collection of essays and commentaries, instead. Readers of all ages seem to like these stories.
Your wife will think you given her a thoughtful gift.
She doesn't need to know you even considered giving her a leaf blower.
Good luck shopping,
Mark Darrah
Author of A Catalogue of Common
People
November 28, 2015
I don't own a lawn mower and have never mowed the grass at my house despite many years of residence here. One autumn, I raked and bagged one hundred and twenty-five thirty-three gallon black bags of leaves. That was one time and I haven't done any yard work since.
I'm not lazy, but lawn care was a major pastime in two soulless suburban neighborhoods in which I lived growing up. While it is not this way for many people, yard work feels compulsively soulless to me.
"Hon, we ought to get a leaf blower," my wife said to me one fall.
My wife knew my history when she made this statement. She, though, tends to our little gardens and oversees those who actually cut the grass and edge the sidewalks.
I concluded my wife meant she wanted a leaf blower, that "we ought" meant "I want."
Her birthday approached. I was so happy. I knew what I was going to get for her -- a leaf blower. Without her knowing, I went to the Sears down the street and bought a lightweight Kenmore leaf blower. The box was too big to wrap so I covered it in a quilt and put it out for her several days before her big day.
She was curious, very curious. If truth be known, I think she was a little excited, too.
Her birthday arrived. The celebration began. My wife pushed away the quilt. You should have seen the look on my wife's face.
Guess who didn't want a leaf blower for her birthday?
I still don't know why she said we ought to get a leaf blower when she obviously didn't want one. She's never used the device, and it hangs virtually unused on a hook in our garage. I did learn a lesson, though.
If you think your wife wants a leaf blower for Christmas, don't buy her one. Consider getting her a copy of A Catalogue of Common People, a collection of collection of essays and commentaries, instead. Readers of all ages seem to like these stories.
Your wife will think you given her a thoughtful gift.
She doesn't need to know you even considered giving her a leaf blower.
Good luck shopping,
Mark Darrah
Author of A Catalogue of Common
People
November 28, 2015
