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Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill

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Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill

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June 2011

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Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill This is a good question. Thank you for asking.

Life itself is a great mystery. Why are we here? What is our purpose? How did we get here? Why do thing…more
This is a good question. Thank you for asking.

Life itself is a great mystery. Why are we here? What is our purpose? How did we get here? Why do things happen the way they do? Everybody has asked those questions at one time or another and philosophers have been trying to figure it out for centuries.

I think the biggest mystery to me is, what happened to make me the way I am? Why do I have a disability that no doctor can put a name to? Why did I lose an eye to cancer? These were life-changing events. They turned my life upside down and made me sit back and re-evaluate how I was living and re-prioritize.

I will share this and hope that it helps to answer your question. I was pregnant with my first child and in the third trimester, I started having serious balance problems. After the birth, I didn't bounce back like I should have. I told my OB that I was having problems and he put me on some medicine. It wasn't helping at all. Meanwhile, I was afraid to carry my newborn son because I was falling down all the time and I didn't want to drop him or hurt him in any way. My husband had to carry him everywhere for me.

We had a second son fourteen months after the first one. Now, I have two kids who are in diapers and need bottles. I was able to do things for them but my condition continued to deteriorate. I wasn't going to be carrying these boys anywhere. That was heartbreaking to me. I could feed them, rock them, do sit-down mommy things. I could play on the floor with them.

As the grew into toddlerhood (I made up that word), they were doing typical toddler things. They were into things, exploring, just learning about the world. I was able to keep up with them as long as I didn't have to carry them. But now we have a new thing. We need to go into stores and safely cross parking lots. I didn't have the balance to walk solo and hold their hands. That crushed me like nothing else. To this day, I have never held their hands to cross a parking lot or to go anywhere. That stands to reason since they are teenagers now. They don't need me to.

My stated dream in life was that I wanted to have two boys and I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I wasn't counting on the disability making it happen. I was angry with God and was suicidal. I didn't understand why all of this was happening. I've got these two precious little boys who need a mother that can keep up with them. They don't need "this".

Then I had an epiphany. I'm not a religious person but I am a spiritualist. It took years for me to comprehend but it hit me like a ton of bricks and I've been okay with it ever since. I got the kids I wanted; I got to stay at home and watch them grow up and help them along the way, but it came with a price. It was like God said, "I'll give you these boys and let you stay at home with them. But if I don't give you the disability, you will be out working a job like you were before. You will miss them growing up."

My disability is still without a name. What I do know is that it is progressive and degenerative. Would it make a difference if it had a name? Probably not. I've learned to adapt and to accept my limitations. It wasn't without trials and tribulations, but the process of getting okay with it was worth it.

I don't know if this has answered your question, but I hope it helped.

Thank you for the question.


Kristi(less)
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill I read a lot of books anyway but when I'm suffering from writer's block, I read even more. …moreI read a lot of books anyway but when I'm suffering from writer's block, I read even more. (less)
Average rating: 3.72 · 36 ratings · 20 reviews · 2 distinct works
For the Love of Suzanne

3.63 avg rating — 32 ratings — published 2015 — 3 editions
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Damaged

4.50 avg rating — 4 ratings2 editions
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Damaged

Damaged
Hi--

It's been awhile since I've done anything on this site, but I haven't had anything to talk about until now.

My second novel, "Damaged" was released on February 7, 2019 by Winmarleigh Publishing. It's the longest novel I've ever written...well, okay. Not written. I've written longer ones that won't leave my desk. My point is it's a lengthy novel at 521 pages on Kindle and 625 pages in pap Read more of this blog post »
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Published on February 26, 2019 19:13 Tags: damaged-secondchanceromance
The Count's Charade
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill is currently reading
by Elizabeth Bailey (Goodreads Author)
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Kristi’s Recent Updates

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
"Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan is a fast-paced introduction to a world where Greek mythology exists alongside the modern day.

The story follows Percy Jackson, a seemingly ordinary boy who discovers that he is a demigod, the son" Read more of this review »
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill rated a book it was ok
The Forgiven Cowboy's Best Friend by Melody Archer
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This book was not for me. I found the characters to be one-dimensional and uninteresting. I couldn’t connect with any of them, making the story difficult to read and to stay with. There were a few times when I wanted to declare it a DNF, but I persev ...more
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill is currently reading
The Count's Charade by Elizabeth Bailey
The Count's Charade
by Elizabeth Bailey (Goodreads Author)
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Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill rated a book it was ok
The Forgiven Cowboy's Best Friend by Melody Archer
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This book was not for me. I found the characters to be one-dimensional and uninteresting. I couldn’t connect with any of them, making the story difficult to read and to stay with. There were a few times when I wanted to declare it a DNF, but I persev ...more
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill rated a book liked it
You Belong to Me by Johanna Lindsey
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I wanted to love this book as much as I loved Once a Princess , which is the first book in the series, but I had a hard time dealing with Alexandra’s over-the-top belligerence and disrespect towards Visili and others. I didn’t like her at the beginni ...more
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill rated a book it was amazing
Hell Hath No Fury by Annabelle Anders
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I absolutely loved this book. It was a mover and a shaker with steam, mystery, and great characters. I've said before that I will read a crappy story if I can connect with the characters. Well, I connected with these characters and got a great story ...more
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill added a status update: I'm hoping this isn't like a Hallmark movie. I read the prologue and it's leaning that way. Ugh! However, I will give it a chance. I could be wrong
Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill is currently reading
The Forgiven Cowboy's Best Friend by Melody Archer
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Hell Hath No Fury by Annabelle Anders
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More of Kristi's books…
Garrison Keillor
“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
Garrison Keillor

Douglas Adams
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Bil Keane
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
Bill Keane

Neil Gaiman
“Stories may well be lies, but they are good lies that say true things, and which can sometimes pay the rent.”
Neil Gaiman

Søren Kierkegaard
“People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.”
Søren Kierkegaard, The Journals of Kierkegaard

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