Erika Gardner's Blog

I remember those days. The days when I had all the answers, when I was the one who knew better. Those were the days when I could look into the eyes of my suffering friend and say with 100% certainty, “Oh girl, you need to leave him. It’s over. Kick him to the curb.” I remember how sincere I was. I wanted the best for my friend and for me it was very clear cut. Obviously the relationship was done, someone just needed to tell the other partner. Easy peasy.

Wow. Innocent child. Innocent me.

When my turn came, when I was full of doubts, falling out of love, seeing a therapist to try and figure out a path forward, I didn’t tell my girlfriends for a very long time. I am sure for many of them my divorce came out of left field. It had nothing to do with the level of trust or affection that I held for any of them. Once you start telling your closest friends how your partner is treating you behind closed doors then your friends will give you their honest and unfiltered opinion, especially once you tell them how YOU are feeling.

I hesitated again and again. I hated hurting my ex and, so by not being able to pull the trigger (metaphorically at least) and end things cleanly, I hurt him even more. I told so many lies, trying to be kind. There’s an old song whose chorus says, “You gotta be cruel to be kind in the right measure.” That’s what I would do differently. I wish I had ended things cleanly, none of this circling the drain for months on end. My biggest fear was always the kids. How much would this hurt them? What would they say? How would they feel? Would they ever forgive me? The stress, the trauma, the “what if’s,” the self doubt, and self loathing. Ugh. I did have friends toward the end telling me, “just leave, leave now.” I couldn’t or I wouldn’t. I was the deer frozen in the headlights. I was the chicken who couldn’t cross the line made of chalk. I hurt others around me and I hurt myself through this complete inability to function.

After some space and time and a whole lot of therapy, I can forgive myself. I really was trying everyday to do the best I could for the people around me. I made a lot of wrong steps, but God knows I was trying so hard, every damn day. Once I was free and no longer constantly under scrutiny, no longer traumatized I was finally able to hold my head up and see clearly. These lines sum it up perfectly:

 

I was always as free as I wanted to beBut I was just too scared to seeWho I could beThe singer and songwriter for this week’s song hails from Balingen in Southern Germany. He is inspired by American folk singers and songwriters and strives to emulate that sound.  You certainly cannot hear a German accent as you listen to this song.To everyone out there twisting and turning, in pain, confused, no one can tell you when to leave, when to cry “uncle.” I can, however, tell you to trust yourself and to trust the people around you. No matter how much you try to control the situation, to cushion their feelings, this is their journey, too. You can’t control their reactions. Just trust them. Trust you. You are free if you can be brave enough to see.

 

Lyrics für Prisoner von StumfolI was born in a prisonNo hope for escapeI got used to the silenceAs I stuck in my cageYou cannot miss what you have never seen beforeBut deep inside, you know there must be moreYou cannot miss what you have never seen beforeBut deep inside, you know there must be moreI heard a voiceBut I could not followIt was a languageDidn′t knowI’ve seen a lightAnd it used to blind meWas it realOr just a dream?No, you cannot miss what you have never seen beforeBut deep inside, you know there must be moreYou cannot miss what you have never seen beforeBut deep inside, you know there must be moreAnd as I leftNo one tried to stop meSo, I learnedI was always as free as I wanted to beI was always as free as a birdI was always as free as I wanted to beBut I was just too scared to seeWho I could beWriter(s): Christian Stumfol

The post Musical Monday- “Prisoner” The Path to Finding Freedom appeared first on Erika Gardner.

Today I would to introduce you, or reintroduce you, to one of my all-time favorite female vocalists. I recently had a friend post his favorite male singers and that spun my head down a rabbit hole. (By the way, the friend is fellow author Sean Finnegan who has a great first novel, Norcal, out and his next book Stubs, should be released later this year. I’m including a link to his Amazon author page below.)

https://www.amazon.com/stores/Sean-Finnegan/author/B00WH4NU36?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=59c6534a-94a5-4a20-993c-945b50f5540e

The rabbit hole centered around that one key word, FAVORITE. The voice might not be the most technically trained or possess the greatest range, but it’s a voice that really appeals to me. In other words, it is completely subjective. For my money, Debora Iyall of Romeo Void has one of those signature, grab your attention voices.

Romeo Void is an 80’s band from San Francisco that had about a six-year-run (1979 to 1985). I have always maintained that they deserved so much more than they received. They straddled this really eclectic, fun bridge over post-punk, New Wave, rock, pop kind of a vibe. Difficult to pigeon hole and uniquely their own style. The saxophone work by Benjamin Bossi in particular set Romeo Void apart and I’m not even much of a sax girl. I am including two of their more well known songs, A Girl In Trouble (Is A Temporary Thing) which cracked the Top 40 at #35 and Never Say Never. The later was featured in the 1984 film Reckless which incidentally starred a very young and ridiculously hot Aidan Quinn.

Iyall had all the usual qualities that our white, Christian male world loves to get judgey about, stacking the deck against her, and also against her band. Female? Check. Minority? Check (Iyall is a Native American of the Cowlitz tribe). A bodacious sister of size? Check. Unashamed of her sexuality? Check. Add to that she is not overtly religious and that she is politically active (at the age of 14 she was among the group of Native Americans who orchestrated the Occupation of Alcatraz in 1969) and her record company suits didn’t know what to do with her.

Romeo Void was doing pretty well for a new band. Their album sales were increasing and their concert tickets were selling out. However on what would be their last tour, the band was celebrating A Girl In Trouble breaking into the Bill Board Top 40 when two things helped stop the momentum. The record company wanted the creative, artsy group to produce more pop-driven singles and Debora needed to lose weight. When she said she liked herself just fine, Epic pulled their support mid-tour. No more radio station interviews, no more media support, no record company representative there as they rolled into town. Tired, overworked and feeling abandoned the group called it quits once the tour was finished, despite their music being more popular than ever. Now, as a fan, I never knew what happened until years later. I kept hoping there would be another album. No such luck.

 

 

The fate of such a creative group, who should have gone farther-that I wish had made more music, isn’t that hard to believe. After all, in 1982 when Never Say Never was released women had only had the ability to get a credit card in their own name for eight years (1974), same thing for a mortgage in their own name and the no-fault divorce that effectively freed women from unhappy marriages by allowing them to instigate proceedings came about in 1969, just thirteen years prior (although divorces were granted to the rich and famous or in cases of extreme abuse much earlier). In the convention of the time, if she wanted to make it in the industry she should have done what so many women did and starve herself, use weight loss drugs, whatever it took. Karen Carpenter is remembered as a beloved icon, but she’s a dead icon. Debora Iyall was a pain in the record company’s ass but she’s still alive, still singing, still making her art at 72.

This was a time that hadn’t seen a Lizzo, a Bebe Rehax, a Beth Ditto or a Netta Barzilai. No, Iyall helped break a path for these women still to come. Debora is a self-described “fat chick,” a minority, an independent, articulate, intelligent woman who stood her ground and like so many other pioneers, she paid for it. So did her band mates, but man oh man, can she sing!

 

 

The post Musical Monday- How Times Have Changed… Debora Iyall of Romeo Void appeared first on Erika Gardner.

I know, I know… it’s not even remotely Monday, but, hey, I figure if the Republicans can call themselves the party of “family values” then I can put a Musical Monday out on a Wednesday.

Thursday May 21st, 2026 was a momentous day on two fronts. First, and clearly most importantly, my daughter turned 25. She also achieved her private pilot’s license (yes, she’s a badass). However, as VERY proud as I am of her accomplishments, that is not what this blog is about.

May 21st also marked the end of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert. As probably everyone reading this knows, Late Night was the #1 late night show for nine years running. CBS upon canceling the show claimed that the decision was due to “financial considerations.” Considering that CBS’ parent company was in negotiations for an $8 billion merger between (themselves) Paramount Global, and Skydance Media. This merger needed the Trump Administration’s approval and it’s common knowledge that Trump and Colbert hate one another, primarily because Trump does not have a brain and Colbert possess first class gray matter. So, CBS, in just one of a series of stupendously STUPID decisions decided to pay up 16 million on a baseless shakedown by Trump (the equivalent a bully taking your lunch money), compromise any journalistic integrity of their flagship show 60 Minutes and, oh yes, cancel their number one late night show. Financial considerations, sure, 8 billion of them. Financial considerations as in the show not generating revenue? I’ll let the amazing David Letterman sum that up, “I’m just going to go on record as saying: They’re lying … They’re lying weasels.”

This past year has hurt my heart and tested my ability to be shocked. No lie, no crime, no obscenity attributed to Donald Trump shocks me any more. He has proven himself in my opinion to be a little, tiny, petty individual. I cannot call him a man. He does not live up to my definition of a man, let alone a human being. To me he is a pathetic coward. Even when he is “winning,” he is still horrible. In contrast, Stephen Colbert has been gracious, upbeat and inspirational. He used his show’s demise to celebrate everything that is great about America: our diversity, our freedom of expression, our shared community. Colbert also took his last few weeks and turned his misfortune into an opportunity to raise funds for an outstanding cause, raising 2.5 million for Chef José Andrés’ World Central Kitchen that provides meals in response to humanitarian and climate crises. It’s one of my favorite causes as well, especially as our Idiot-in-Chief saw fit to cut FEMA from the federal budget (well, most of it) as well as eliminate US AID which has had disastrous results, but that is another blog.

So, why this song for Mr. Colbert? Well, the sanguine is an adjective that primarily means cheerfully optimistic, hopeful, or confident, especially in a difficult or bad situation. Historically derived from the Latin word for blood (sanguis) and traditionally it can also refer to a healthy, reddish complexion or a deep blood-red color. Stephen Colbert conducted himself as the adult in the room (well, a whimsical adult, but an adult nonetheless) in contrast to Trump’s petulant toddler (even allegedly to said toddler’s diaper). Basically the song tips its metaphorical cap to someone who holds on to their joy. Ville Valo or VV is a Finnish musician from the group HIM. He’s everything you want from a goth, but he’s of a more modern set and, I hope, will be with us for a long time. DO check out his music.

And, Mr. Colbert…I salute you! Can’t wait to see where this takes you!

 

The post Musical “Monday”- Holiday Edition- Salute the Sanguine To Stephen Colbert appeared first on Erika Gardner.

I hate that so many of the blogs I write out of necessity begin with a cliche, but it seems unavoidable any time one speaks of a universal theme or truth. This week I want to talk about and remember the late, very much missed, Chris Cornell. My cliche is on the nature of time. We’ve all felt it; the way time drags at the DMV versus the speed at which a vacation flies by. Time is fickle. It seems completely unreal to me that today marks the ninth anniversary of the passing of Chris Cornell. I remember receiving a text from an old friend. It simply read “Chris Cornell!” and my heart sank because I knew it could only mean one thing. Cornell’s death in Detroit on May 18th, 2017 was ruled a suicide by hanging. It was a waste and a complete tragedy for all who knew, loved and admired him.

To be honest, and those who know me will nod in agreement, Chris Cornell is not in my immediate wheel house. I’m more of a power metal girl. He was your definitive grunge, post-grunge, psychedelic rock star, but he was also hard rock and that’s the intersection. We meet at hard rock. He made a lot of music and many songs that I love. He contributed to our mutual community experience. Those songs penetrated our shared consciousness and became part of our day-to-day language. Cornell helped write and sing the soundtrack to many of our personal movies.

I frequently say (to anyone who will listen) that you simply never know what battles another human being is fighting on a daily basis. Here was this man blessed with an almost four octave range voice (from C 2 to A 5), huge gifts musically, intelligent, tall, a good friend to many, blessed with three children, handsome, and an actual rock star. On the other hand he battled depression, anxiety and substance abuse (though he became progressively more clean and sober throughout his life). So despite all the fame, the money, the adulation he earned, I would never want to trade places with him.

And the fall-out continued after Cornell’s death. Just two months later Cornell’s close friend Chester Bennington (lead singer of Linkin’ Park) was found dead by hanging on July 20th, Chris’ birthday. Bennington had taken his friend’s death hard, saying that he could not imagine the world without him (Cornell).

I reflect upon Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington often, especially now that the guard rails are off our government and funding to treat mental health issues has been cut to the bone. There are so many beautiful souls that we lose, every day, to some variation of mental illness and its fallout whether it might be suicide, overdose from self-medication, domestic violence, whatever. We as a society are failing our own people. I’m talking mental health, children in ICE custody, families unable to afford the cost of living, our citizens cut down in their neighborhood streets (Andrew Pretti and Renée Good), the list goes on.

When it came time to choose this week’s song, there was a lot to choose from, especially with a voice like Chis Cornell’s. While customarily a baritone, he could easily sing as a tenor then slide into a falsetto. He could snarl, scream, and rasp. He truly had the chops. I chose Say Hello to Heaven by The Temple of The Dog which, ironically, was a salute by Cornell to his own dear friend Andrew Wood who died of an overdose. Wood was the lead singer of the group Mother Love Bone and the name of the tribute band Cornell founded to honor his friend was taken from a line in the Mother Love Bone song Man of Golden Words, “seems I’ve been living in the temple of the dog.”

If you would like to hear some of the inspiration for Say Hello to Heaven you can check out the link below which is to a previous Musical Monday on Mother Love Bone’s Man of Golden Words, still one of my favorite songs ever.

Musical Monday- Man of Golden Words

LyricsPlease, mother mercy
Take me from this place
And the long-winded curses
I hear in my headThe words never listen
And teachers, oh, they never learn
My warmth from the candle
Though I feel too cold to burnHe came from an island
Then he died from the street
And he hurt so bad like a soul breakin’
But he never said nothin’ to me, yeahA’say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven
Say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven, yeahNew like a baby, lost like a prayer
The sky was your playground
But the cold ground was your bed
Oo, I said, poor Stargazer
She’s got no tears in her eyes
But fool like a whisper
She knows that love heals all wounds with timeNow it seem like too much love
Is never enough, yeah, you better seek out
Another road ’cause this one has ended abrupt, ohA’say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven
Say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven, yeah
Say hello to heaven, heaven, heaven, yeahI, I never wanted
To write these words down for you
With the pages of phrases
Of all the things we’ll never do
Hey, so I blow out, out the candle and I put you to bed
Since you can’t say to me now
How the dog broke your bone
There’s just one thing left to be saidA’say hello to heaven, to heaven, yeah
Say hello to heaven, to heaven, yeah
Say hello to heaven, to heaven, yeah, yeah
Say hello to heaven, to heaven, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh!

The post Musical Monday- “Say Hello to Heaven” Remembering Chris Cornell appeared first on Erika Gardner.

I’m always excited about my Musical Monday posts- simply put, they are fun to write and even more fun to research. Music is a huge part of my day to day. Whether I’m writing, working out, driving, or simply doing chores, I almost always have something going. That said, this week’s post gives me EXTRA pleasure to share with you. Sanjay Subramanian is a friend of mine. He and his beautiful muse, Nandita, are the parents of a very amazing runner I coached in his middle school and high school years. So it comes at no shock to yours truly that a man who has so many beautiful things in his life would express his heart and soul through music in such a profound way.

I always knew that Sanjay was a kindred spirit when it came to music. He has the street cred of attending plenty of shows and can discuss the minutia of rock and roll history with the ease of a life long fan. I also knew that he played guitar (always impressive). What I did not know was that he is actually an artist himself.

I’m sharing his first two singles. Both are on YouTube, Amazon Music, Apple Music, Tidal and Spotify. I’m going to go down a mini rabbit hole here but it’s information I think that music fans should have if they want to support independent artists. There is a bit of controversy as to which of these platforms pays the artists best. Spotify has a bad rap in this category and with good reason. On paper Amazon edges Spotify out. UNLESS you are using Amazon’s included Prime Music tier, that really cuts down the payment to the artist. If you are one of those subscribers then, stream through Spotify.  That said both services are on the low end for artist revenue. Apple Music pays artists better than either Amazon or Spotify. The best paying streaming service for artists however, is Tidal. That said, it’s also the priciest for the listener. For Sanjay’s sake, and all those other indies out there, I would say use Tidal. In the end, the very BEST way to support artists is to buy their actual CD’s and go see their live performances, but streaming is a great start. If you are a YouTube enthusiast then please “like” and  “subscribe.” That helps raise visibility a great deal. As an independent artist myself, I would also add that part of the greatest satisfaction lies in seeing one’s stories, whether on a page or in a song, out in the world for people to enjoy.

Now, back to the fun stuff- the songs themselves! The first single is Out of Teens. Sanjay plays this with a classic Americana spirit, the roots of our rock and roll shared past. There’s the acoustic guitar and a lovely harmonica. His lyrics evoke a bitter-sweet nostalgia of precious days gone, days we wish we could stretch out forever, but that’s why they’re so precious. They are ephemeral.

The second single is How About It which has a delightful optimistic tone to it (especially refreshing in these divisive times). Both of these songs are easy to sing along to and elicit some of the best bits about our shared society. The idea of moving forward with a smile while still treasuring our memories. Slip these two beauties into your mixes and watch- you’ll be singing along as well!

The post Musical (Not Quite) Monday- Supporting Local Artist Sanjay Subramanian!!! appeared first on Erika Gardner.

Sometimes bands that do not deserve the buzz that they get make it, make it HUGE. Then there are those bands that deserved better, that more people should have heard their music, sung their songs. AXE is definitely in the later category. This song, Battles, popped up on my Spotify mix and I love it. The name AXE tickled my brain and as I researched them I realized that I did remember them on the periphery of my mind from days gone by. I remember their single Rock-n-roll Party in the Streets. It wasn’t a favorite but I do remember them. Now this song, Battles? This I never heard. I would have remembered this one. You have to ask yourself, how many bands made it or didn’t because of what the record company decided to release as a single? Now, there are plenty of stories of dj’s deciding to play the B side of a record and thus creating a hit in the process. These days we don’t have disc jockeys and we are just barely rediscovering vinyl, so that’s not a likely path to greatness.

I love this song so I am including two versions for you to YouTube to your heart’s content. The first is the audio of the song back in the day. Originally released on April 29th, 1979, I wasn’t even ten yet. I guess I can forgive myself for missing it. Billy Barth was the songwriter and lead guitarist/vocalist for this track. Dang though, what a beautiful song. It brings me back to the mantra (and I am loosely paraphrasing) not to judge because everyone around you, and I mean everyone, is fighting battles that you cannot see. Don’t judge. We are doing all we can.

The second version is a live one that I stumbled upon. It’s Billy Barth still: older, slower, but the guitar is still gorgeous even as he struggles to find a pick to play. Still a lovely song. In many ways, the second version is far superior with all that grit and life experience behind the words originally written in youthful swagger.

Don’t judge…we’re all fighting battles.

I often dream of nights I’d sit
And watch the rising sun
And I spoke to you of life
And of the battles I had won
A warm wind blowing memories
Makes me long for home
But a cold wind blows much harder and
Makes me wanna roamLet me go from this lonely land
Before my dreams all vanish
Like water in the sand
Let me run from this lonely place
Before my dreams are shattered
By love I can’t eraseI search to find the meaning
Of the path that I am on
And I hope that my direction
Will not make walk alone
I stumble for the answers
To the questions that remain
Around the world, I’ve touched the sun
And now I’m back againLet me go from this lonely land
Before my dreams all vanish
Like water in the sand
Let me run from this lonely placeBefore my dreams are shattered.Let me go from this lonely land
Before my dreams all vanish
Like water in the sand
Let me run from this lonely place
Before my dreams are shattered
By love I can’t eraseLet me go from this lonely land
Before my dreams all vanish
Like water in the sand
Let me run from this lonely place
Before my dreams are shattered
By love I can’t erase

The post Musical Monday- “Battles” by AXE appeared first on Erika Gardner.

I was speaking with a friend of mine this week and she was lamenting the price of concert tickets (which I completely get) and saying that she just never goes to shows these days. She mentioned $300 a ticket for nose bleed seats, naturally more if you bring a date/friend/child. She’s right, of course. That said, my boyfriend and I still make an effort to get to at least a few shows each year. This is where NOT listening to the same thing as everyone else has really come in handy. I can go see a band that I really enjoy (in today’s piece TWO great bands) for a price that isn’t going to cripple my budget. Still pricey, but doable. We had great seats (yes, seats) for $158 each including all fees (which are not insignificant) and taxes for two amazing bands: Helloween and their opener Beast in Black.

Helloween have been around for most of my life and are consistently included as part of the Big Four of Power Metal: Blind Guardian, Sabaton, Stratovarius, and Helloween. This is not as firm a ranking as the Big Four of Thrash (Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax) as arguments can be made, and are, for Hammerfall, Gamma Ray (also founded by Helloween’s Kai Hansen), Rhapsody (of Fire), Dragonforce and Sonata Arctica. Of these second five for MY personal list I would only consider Hammerfall, but that’s just me. It is one of a music fan’s greatest joys in life, the debating over anything musical. I love it and I’m sure there are plenty of people reading this who also enjoy it. Everyone wave your respective freak flags!

Anyhow, getting back to the concert review. The show was held at one of San Francisco’s most classic theaters, The Warfield. It’s a gorgeous venue originally built as a vaudeville theater in 1922. It was named in honor of David Warfield who was a native San Franciscan, a successful silent film actor and the close friend of the theater’s builder, Marcus Loew. It holds just shy of 2500 patrons. I’ve seen so many amazing shows there. I saw the original Queensryche (yes, with Tate & DeGarmo) perform Operation Mindcrime in its entirety (making it very clear who truly killed Mary), I saw Dream Theater perform their first show without drummer Mike Portnoy, and it was the last place I saw Ronnie James Dio perform live (with Heaven & Hell in November of 2009). You need to be sharp in that neighborhood and keep your wits about you. As a tiny gal I make sure never to be alone, but don’t let the neighborhood scare you off from the amazing music regularly being performed at this San Francisco treasure. This was the first time, I will say, that I had dinner at the venue. Usually we opt for some yummy trendy local restaurant. However, neither my date or I wanted to chance missing the opener, Beast in Black so we made a point to get there early. WORTH IT!!! And, fun fact, the hot dogs were quite tasty.

 

Beast in Black live at The Warfield Theater

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Beast in Black is a Finnish band (fronted by a Greek). They are about to release their fourth album, which I am excited to see. They often show up in my workout mixes. They are a blending of of power metal, dance metal, melodic metal and heavy metal. Basically, pick your metal. They frequently play with dark fantasy themes, love and relationships, literature, societal issues and science fiction. Obviously, if you’ve read my site for very long, everything that I enjoy. In person they are warm and inviting, clearly having a GREAT time and possess an amazing energy on stage. That kind of energy is infectious and creates this magical positive feedback loop between the audience and the artist.

 

Close up singing “Blind & Frozen”

 

For a taste of what the band sounds like, here is their video for one of my favorite Beast in Black songs, Blind & Frozen:

 

Moving on to the headliner, Helloween. The band was formed in Hamburg, Germany in 1984. The musicians had all come from other bands. Initially founder Kai Hansen sang lead vocals (and he still lends a hand as one of THREE lead vocalists in the group today). In 1986 the band became a five-piece with the addition of Michael Kiske. Over the years, the band has gone through various line-up changes and in 1994 they added another lead singer, Andi Deris after Kiske’s departure. Today Helloween has taken a page out of Iron Maiden’s book (who also sports three lead guitarists) and performs as a septet. I’m copying and pasting from Wikipedia (God bless them) here so that you can click on any of the members for more story/information:

CurrentMichael Weikath – guitars, backing vocals (1984–present)Markus Grosskopf – bass, backing vocals (1984–present)Kai Hansen – guitars (1984–1989, 2016–present), lead vocals (1984–1986, 2016–present), backing vocals (1986–1989, 2016–present)Michael Kiske – lead vocals (1986–1993, 2016–present)Andi Deris – lead vocals (1994–present)Sascha Gerstner – guitars, backing vocals (2002–present)Daniel Löble – drums (2005–present)

This whole One Big Happy Family thing that Helloween (and Maiden) have going is a huge gift to all of us fans who love the band, in all their different eras and personnel variations. Also, you can see even from the audience that these guys truly like each other and love what they do. Big egos have been set aside and it’s all just about going on stage and giving the best possible performance that they can.  Now, is Kai’s voice QUITE what it once was? No, but it’s pretty darn good and Kiske and Deris haven’t lost a step. Does Markus look a little fragile? He does but his playing is completely on point. I was in guitar heaven. Sascha Gerstner is a relative newcomer and clearly fits in with (and adds to) the band. Having the extended line-up means that the guys who actually recorded The Keeper of The Seven Keys 1987, the guys who were on Master of The Rings 1994 AND the comeback self-titled Helloween of 2021 are ALL on stage. Epic, just epic.

One big happy family!

The show was promoted as a 40th Anniversary Celebration and that is exactly what the band delivered. Definitely there was a lot of tracks from the The Keeper era, but I was delighted that there was an equal emphasis on the brand new album Giants & Monsters (released in late 2025) so that the tour is both a celebration of past glories and a promotion of the awesomeness of today. One of my biggest disappointments in music is when it becomes clear that a band I love has stagnated. They are no longer growing and creating. Instead, they are just playing the greatest hits. There is something sad, a sort of slow circling of the drain. Helloween isn’t there yet. They are still vibrant, alive and having a ball! And I have to admit if you had told sixteen-year-old me that forty years later that darn pumpkin motif was still going to be this cool, I’m not sure I would have believed you!

For a taste of what Helloween’s new album sounds like, please enjoy Universe (Gravity for Hearts)…some fan posted this on YouTube. It’s not perfect, but the music and the band’s energy live come through.

 

The post And Now…For Something Completely Different- A Concert Review of Helloween appeared first on Erika Gardner.

Seriously, do you know who Clare Torry is? Because you should. Her vocals on Pink Floyd’s epic track The Great Gig In The Sky (from the album Dark Side of The Moon) were voted the second best of all time, landing just behind Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Not a bad accolade, eh?

The Great Gig in The Sky is the fifth track on Dark Side of The Moon. It is part of what the group called their reflections of mortality portion of the album. Once Richard Wright had written the music, the group debated what to do with the song. Something was missing. They decided that a female vocal was needed and friend of the band Alan Parsons (yes, of the Alan Parsons Project) suggested twenty-five year old session singer Clare Torry. The group gave her very loose instructions. She was told to sing, without words, the sum of human experience: birth, mortality, love, life, joy and grief. She was paid 30 pounds (about $350 in today’s US dollars) for her day’s work. Initially she worried that she hadn’t nailed it, that she sounded silly. Everyone else in the room knew that this was something timeless, something special, something unforgettable. At the time, Torry was not credited on the album for her vocals although over the years she did appear live with the group, and with Roger Waters on his solo tour and reprised her amazing vocals. As time went on Clare Torry realized that her voice and her wordless composition were actually the lyrics of the song, just as Richard Wright’s composition was the music. In 2004 she sued for and was granted credit for her contribution. The parties settled amicably out of court. On all releases after 2005, Clare Torry is credited as a composer on The Great Gig in The Sky. Damn right.

No words and yet she said so much. I cannot imagine this song without her.

Incidentally this is one of only three Pink Floyd songs that uses an outside vocalist and, technically, this song used three different people. Before recording the group and some of their friends sat around and talked about dying, about their feelings on death and about the human experience of mortality. In the end, recordings from these conversations were inserted into the song.  In addition to Clare Torry, you have the following snippets which add to the overall atmospheric nature of the track (this next bit is copied from Wikipedia and the links back are included):

(At 0:39)

And I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don’t mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There’s no reason for it – you’ve got to go sometime.

— Gerry O’Driscoll, Abbey Road Studios doorman[5][6][7]

(At 3:33, faintly)

I never said I was frightened of dying.

— Patricia ‘Puddie’ Watts, wife of road manager Peter Watts[6]

 

 

Lyrics

Intro Gerry Driscoll:

And I am not frightened of dying, you know

Any time will do, I don’t mind

Why should I be frightened of dying

There’s no reason for it

You’ve got to go sometime

Non-lyrical vocals Clare Torry

Interlude Patricia Watts:

I never said I was frightened of dying 

Non-lyrical vocals Clare Torry

 

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Those of you who read my posts (thank you!) know that I love to highlight women in rock. While the number of females in metal is increasing, I would dearly love to see more. This isn’t because I doubt the talent of the guys, I simply believe that each gender brings something magical to the music and that some of my absolute favorites feature male and female creating together. As the saying goes, “the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” I’ve featured many great ladies in music: Lizzy Hale, Ego Likeness, Within Temptation, Tarja (with Nightwish and without), Delain, Mono Inc., the list goes on. Let’s add another band to our musical cue.

In This Moment is an American band from Los Angeles. I do wish there were more female members as this is another situation where you have a woman singing lead vocals but I’m happy to introduce this quartet. They were formed in 2005 by front woman Maria Brink and guitarist Chris Howorth. The band has cycled through drummers and bass players over the years however the line up has been holding steady since 2016 with Kent Dimmel and Randy Weitzel respectively. Their first album, Beautiful Tragedy, deputed in 2007 and their eighth, Godmode, dropped in 2023.

This week’s song is Scarlet from their fourth album 2012’s Blood. This is about the time that the band entered my awareness. I had tickets to see them and Black Veil Brides in 2020 but… two guesses why that tour was canceled. Then once things opened up as the Pandemic ended Ticketmaster completely screwed me over. I still had electronic tickets according to them, however I couldn’t access them and there was no actual human being to help with this. I soooo tore my hair out. Long story short… still need to see these guys. Since they are from California you wouldn’t think it would be so difficult, sadly it hasn’t come to pass as yet. Anyhow, getting back to Scarlet, this is a pretty good representation of Brink’s intense vocals and the band’s musical signature. She’s really nailed the ugly-pretty look and scream in her delivery. I’d describe In This Moment as alternative metal. There’s a lot of goth, industrial, a little electronica all fused together in a delightful mess. Super fun. I also recommend their cover of Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight and the 2017 Billy Idol-esque Black Wedding which features the Metal God himself, Rob Halford.

Hope you enjoy!

Lyrics…You’re everything I want
And I am everything you need
This night is cutting in to me
You tie me down, you watch me bleed
And we risk everything
TonightI, I am the misery you crave
And you, you are my faithful enemy
This hunger seems to feed on me
Our secrets and our dying
Risk everythingThey can never know just what we’ve done
And I can never know that what we’ve done
They will never know all the blood we’ve she’d
The spotted course we’ve led until the bitter end
They can never know just what we’ve doneNothing good will come of this
I’m screaming out with my untaken breath
I’ll be yours until my dying day
I can never see you bleedWe knew how this would end
And we, we would die before we’d live
But I’ll never let you go!
I will never let you go!They will never know all the blood we’ve she’d
The spotted course we led until the bitter end
They can never know just what we’ve done
(I will never let you go)
They can never know just what we’ve done
(I’ll never let you go)You knew how this would end

 

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This is heading back to high school for me. In May 2025 (clearly AFTER high school), my boyfriend and I attended the fourth annual Cruel World rock festival. By the way, what a great time this festival is! It featured sooooo many great bands with a slight favoritism for goth and new wave. Lots of yummy food, plenty of staff, plenty of drinks. It rained and we all received ponchos. So many bathrooms- and clean! Sadly, there is no Cruel World for May 2026 (such a bummer) however, there are rumors and hopes for later this year.  Fingers crossed. Keep an eye on their website…

https://cruelworldfest.com/

I mention Cruel World because one of the bands there that May day was ‘Til Tuesday. It was actually the first performance with all original members: Aimee Mann, Robert Holmes, Joey Pesce and Michael Hausman performing together in thirty-five years. Now, of course I knew the band back in the day. That song, Voices Carry, was everywhere. One of my best friends played their album nonstop on a loop. I knew the song, however, as a sixteen-year-old experiences it. Meaning, I didn’t really have the life experience to appreciate just how incredibly painful and accurate these lyrics truly are. The sixteen-year-old simply sang along. Fast forward forty years of life experience and a crap ton of pain later and there I am on the golf course outside the Rose Bowl and I’m singing along when it hits me… and I am bawling. It’s a song about emotional abuse and control. I always marveled that he fell in love with me and then for years he tried to change everything about me that initially attracted him to me. I am loud. I do talk and voices do carry. Even now, years later when someone shushes me, it’s like a physical blow. I am very sensitive, and it’s fair to say I am over sensitive to it, but hey, that’s trauma.

I ran into a dear friend from high school at Cruel World. Back in the 80’s we hung out at the roller skating rink and ran cross country together. She married a guy I once dated, who was and is a complete narcissist, they divorced. We talked about Voices Carry that day, both of us profoundly feeling the lyrics and we both agreed that Aimee Mann knew what she was talking about.

 

Lyrics to Voices Carry

I’m in the dark, I’d like to read his mind
But I’m frightened of the things I might find
Oh, there must be something he’s thinking of
To tear him away, eh-aye
When I tell him that I’m falling in love
Why does he say, eh-aye

Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry
Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry

I try so hard not to get upset
Because I know all the trouble I’ll get
Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
And something to fear, eh-aye
And I try so hard to keep it inside
So no one can hear

Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry
Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry
Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry

Oh, he wants me
But only part of the time
He wants me
If he can keep me in line

Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry
Hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry

Oh, hush hush, so shut up now
Voices carry
Oh, hush hush, keep it down now
Voices carry
Oh, hush hush, darling, she might overhear
Oh no, voices carry
(Hush hush) He said shut up, he said to shut up
Oh God, can’t you keep it down?
Voices carry
Oh-no, voices carry
I wish he would let me talk

Heather and I (after the rain) such a random bit of serendipity

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