Dedra Muhammad's Blog: What I Learned From My Near Rape

What I Learned from my Near Rape

I was only 13 years old when I survived an attempted rape. I didn't view it as surviving a near-rape - instead, my focus was on surviving my reputation and sparing myself a butt whipping. The names have all been changed to describe my experience. Somehow, my friend, Zetta, would be hosting an unsupervised birthday party that exceeded the limits at her father's neighborhood club. I knew I would be attending Zetta’s birthday party, so I couldn’t ask for permission and shift the odds. I anticipated my mother, a single parent of four children, would be asleep before the party started. All I had to do was sneak out of the least creaky window and meet another fast-tailed girlfriend in front of my house. Young ladies did not sneak out at night time; only fast-tailed girls did that. I was certainly adventurous, free-spirited, and unafraid of my neighborhood. I knew where all the dogs lived, and if they were chained. I knew where all of the shortcuts were, I could run very fast, I could climb to the high branches on trees, I was always ready to play kickball, and I was always willing to participate with my friends. Elaine met me outside and the two of us walked the three blocks to the party. We went to the end of my short block and then turned right onto Franklin Road for two more blocks. We chattered excitedly the whole way. I recall admiring Zetta for having the pizazz to pull off the party in the basement of a huge house that her father ran like a club.

I was surprised at the number of guests there whom I had never seen. Instead of classmates, there were big kids in their late teens and early 20’s. Three guys who came together started flirting with Elaine and me. The one I got stuck with was ugly and old--probably 22. He stayed in my face all throughout the party. At 13, I did not know how to make him get lost, except to tell him that I needed to get home. As I recalled the incident later, I had naively answered all personal identifying questions he had asked. The two guys he’d come with were laughing and acting pretty friendly with Elaine. They ended up offering us a ride home. I had been taught that girls should not get into cars with men. Elaine urged me to let the three men take us home, but I stuck with my no, silently cautioning her that she shouldn’t go with them, either. Elaine, who lived two blocks further away than I seemed to have decided she didn’t feel like walking, and she was not in tune with any alarm bells. So, there I was, a kid out at 1:00 a.m. by herself to get home. The ugly guy insisted that he escort me, then. After all, it was late and I shouldn’t dream of leaving by myself. Elaine let herself be led away and into the car with the two friends, and I held my head high after making my gut’s decision. I was not scared; I was annoyed that Elaine and I were not sticking together. I was uncomfortable with Luther, but I had no clue that he would become brutal. Meanwhile, Zetta was an unseeing hostess, but she waved, pouting with the appropriate amount of sadness regarding our departure.

There were three houses on my street and a church on the corner. By the time we reached my street, I announced that I could make it the rest of the way by myself. The ugly guy made me point out which house was mine, and I did. Whenever we were just past the church and two houses away, he snatched my wrists, and dragged me along the side of Mr. Price’s house, past the green apple tree into a dark grove. I tried as hard as I could to get away as soon as he grabbed me. I was convinced he would not have caught me if I could just run away! However, it was a tug of war disaster as I was being forced like quicksand into an abyss that would make hell look like a haunted house at a carnival As I was being dragged, I knew I had to fight this guy off quietly, lest I wake up Mr. Price or the nosey lady who lived next door to me. No one could find me being wrestled to the ground because I thought somehow that my curfew violation was more shameful than Luthor’s attempted rape. Essentially, his attempted rape was a result of my treacherous behavior, so we were both guilty. I was fast-tailed. I was guilty. Thus, I kept quiet. I fought him by twisting, wriggling, and thrashing mightily. Moments into the ordeal, Luther got my attention by whispering his threat, “If you keep moving or if you make a sound, I’m going to punch you as hard as I can right here.”

He used a finger to draw a cantaloupe-sized circle in the middle of my uncovered abdomen. I couldn’t make a sound. I couldn’t move. I knew enough to realize I was in grave danger and that the worst thing in the world was about to happen. But, I couldn’t make a sound and I couldn’t move because the neighbors might hear me, and for several seconds, I was distracted by thoughts of being punched that hard.



Next, he grabbed the top of my pants and began pulling. I couldn’t make a sound. I couldn’t move. My terror erupted when I thought he would be successful. I had to make a sound. I had to move. I was scared to death of being violated. Fear made me scream at the top of my lungs. I no longer cared if he punched me. I no longer cared if Mr. Price or Ms. Mary would hear me and know I was for sure fast tailed. When I found my voice, I was grateful he did not make good on his promise. When I found my voice, he scrambled and ran away. Suddenly, I heard male voices. I dragged myself from behind the bushes and onto the sidewalk. Luther’s friends had dropped Elaine off and had come back to pick him up when they saw me emerge cautiously from the shadows. I was in shock and could not speak. One friend waved his hand up and down in front of my blank eyes. I walked home and they followed, taking turns asking me what had happened and where Luther was. Luther, my trusted escort, had disappeared. Finally, I blurted “He tried to rape me!”

In those eternal moments that wee morning, two pivotal conceptualizations about life
and fears blossomed in me. First, my adverse situation was interrupted by my own sense of self-preservation. I learned how powerful my voice was, and even in the face of fear, one’s voice when speaking against injustices is a mighty force more powerful than silence. Secondly, it occurred to me they were not like him. The assertion of my voice was supported by gallant men who sided against their friend upon learning of his wrongdoing. I was spared the misconception or distrust that could have germinated and lasted a lifetime. Friends can disagree and chastise those in their circle who caused harm to others. I would like to think those two friends who made sure Elaine, and eventually I got home safely, were not traumatized themselves.

As for me, I was presented with a choice of taking a chance and using my voice or succumbing to fear. In moving forward with life, sharing tragedies with others is a viable and combative weapon that people who have not healed often miss. For example, my story went untold for decades. Meanwhile, I learned that Luther gathered as many victims as possible before finding one with an even louder voice than mine which landed him a cozy home in one of America’s prisons. According to the National Violence Resource Center, one in five women will experience a completed or attempted rape in their lifetime, and almost a fourth of all men also experience a variety of sexual violence. I did not know that seventy-five percent of victims were first attacked between the ages of 11 and 17. Another disturbing fact is rape has always gone widely unreported. This is a conversation that must continue because when survivors use their voices, it helps to create a platform of awareness.

3 Signs of Father-daughter Incest During Covid-19

During this stressful season, there are plenty of stay at home orders, or shelters in place which brings members of families closer together than before. When intrafamilial sex or incest takes place, it would not necessarily be brought on by Covid-19 at all. There are just more opportunities with the changed schedules of fathers who now work from home and girls who are not away in school all day. Intrafamilial sex is the act of a member of the nuclear family engaging in sexual relationship with someone else in that family. If it is an adult member, like a father or step father having sex with a child, this can be hidden for years. Sometimes, the female caregiver refuses to believe something so horrific could take place, as father-daughter incest is one very disturbing act of intrafamilial sex, and families with dysfunctional dynamics can be a trait where the majority of these cases are found. Characteristics of a father susceptible to father-daughter incest is poor impulse control, low frustration tolerance, and the need for immediate gratification. Other characteristics exist based on the type of family dynamics involved. For example, three types of dysfunctional families notorious for father-daughter incest are the controlling-submissive, dependent-browbeating, and clinging-clinging.
The controlling-submissive dynamic is where the father views his spouse and the children as his property. He has controlling characteristics, even to the point of controlling his daughter(s) sexually. This is not to say only girls are sexually abused in these dysfunctional families. This man doesn’t believe he is doing anything wrong — in fact, he think he has rights over his daughter’s body based on his position as father. He would want to be the first to consummate his daughter’s entry into womanhood before allowing her to marry. Family and friends can notice characteristics of this type of father. We will discuss that next week!
The dependent-browbeating family style where the man is visualized to be under the thumb of a coarse female spouse who leads her husband by the nose, causing the male to experience embarrassing inadequacies whereby he may question his own authority and role. This is because in patriarchial societies, men have traditionally been known as the head of the household. On a subconscious level, the male would see his authority over his daughter as a way to achieve his lost manhood. This male would not think he was hurting her, nor would he use his authority to rape her. Instead, they would naturally become close right under the mother’s nose, and to the chagrin of other children in the home.
The third dynamic, the clinging-clinging relationship where both spouses are dysfunctional and seeking gratification from each other, but unable to receive what they expected. Perhaps they were exposed to abusive relationships in some fashion earlier in life. Typically, the oldest daughter is the one placed in the role of the nurturer and rival to the mother, and her parentification role can be the gateway to a sexual relationship with her father.
Even though there are certain characteristics of families, minor girls and fathers who may seem to fit snuggly into the profile of dysfunction or abuse, this is not always the case. Nonetheless, when others aware of the characteristics, it can stir a higher level of safety. Power, control, and compensation are types characteristics in a father that can serve as red flags but not as the opportunity for a witch hunt. In other words, despite the high prevalence of sexual abuse, there are more fathers who are not abusers.

Author Muhammad chronicles the social conditions of a "dead" people from the aftermath of slavery up through the Great Depression. As an omniscient narrator and professional counselor who is steeped in understanding of human and social cycles, the chronicle is then used as a trajectory of said conditions in futuristic America.
The book germinated from whispered historical rumors Muhammad was determined to investigate. Muhammad traced a paternal lineage cluster of her paternal tribe to a tiny cabin where the Johnsons lived in Escambia County, Florida. As such, their early 1900’s hidden roots, tragedies, and triumphs became the baseline of a spellbinding, unputdownable love story.
In the midst of the captivating love story, the Black Experience is firmly placed, providing a reference for the holes in history, chapters omitted in contemporary education, and a theoretical framework to explain varied realities.
Because Author Muhammad so skillfully pieces together causes for the embedded rape, infidelity, domestic violence, and murder, those historical tragedies are used to establish counsel, humor, and wit for today’s troubled times and stressful outlook.

Greetings, Everyone!

I am hoping you will follow me on goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...

I started writing Making Mary over two decades ago in my quest to uncover aspects of my family history. In my quest, I discovered murder, rape, love triads, abuse, and scores of topics meant to remain swept under the rug. Somehow, I would need to tell the story with all its wretched edges and indiscretions--and yet give readers hope, love, humor, power, knowledge, and rich history.

The reason I love romance is because it's refreshing. I love reading about pure love, conflict, undying passion---but I shy very far away from romance novels that are graphic, overly sexual, erotic, and themed around someone's sex life. In other words, I love stories that deal with matters of the heart, not the body. I understand that sexuality and the nature between man and woman is a reality, but I have learned through the writings of many great authors like Toni Morrison how to use discretion and sophistication when dealing with these matters.

Through the use of my magical pen, I can tell a story with the same information hidden in the style and choice of words--still keeping the reader informed if they can read between the lines. In other words, some truths must be told, but these truths can be as colorful and as descriptive as how rain drops softly on one's leaking rooftop in the wee hours of the morning. Can you hear the rain? Can you feel the rain? If so, then you can understand a little about what makes Making Mary by Dedra Muhammad so captivating.

Thank you for following me!

Greetings, Everyone! I am so excited!!! I have a story to tell, but I have to start with what my book is about. This description is a MUST read. In October 2019, I "came out of the closet" about what Making Mary is really about, and it is MORE than this description which is the answer to one interview question. But again, you will need to start here:

Making Mary by Dedra Muhammad

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


What sets Making Mary apart from any other love story regardless of time, race and gender?

Dedra Muhammad Answered:


Making Mary is outwardly guised as a breathtaking love story. The love triad serves to navigate the sensibilities of the reader—the reader is compelled to fall in love with the characters. In fact, the passion readers possess for the extraordinarily well-developed characters gives the other themes unimaginable strength. Making Mary can be called the greatest love story ever because the character depth in each actor is profound. How Stella got her Groove Back, though entertaining, pales in comparison to the ardor and profundity present in Making Mary.


This is not to subtract from the former, it is to suggest that readers are more privy to the characters’ subliminal mental processing in Making Mary. Readers are hence propelled to find solutions to their own everyday struggles since they can identify with the seemingly most vicious villains in Making Mary, or that part of self we tend to hide from others.
The Best Man can be considered a love story, yet Making Mary is more than a love story. A story of love is told, and that story happens to be the most heart-wrenching story I’ve ever read in my life. Yet to describe it as a love story alone would be misleading. Making Mary is like The Secret in the sense that there is a crystal clear connect when a reader is engaged in the story. I know right away if one has thumbed through it versus reading it.

To make it plain, I sometimes describe Making Mary as a love story to capture the attention of readers who are accustomed to a particular genre. Making Mary is thus quite palatable to those who like Zane, Eric Jerome Dickey, and Terri McMillan. Nonetheless, she can sit on any bookshelf next to the likes of the great Richard Wright, Langston Hughes, Ralph Ellison, Zora Neal Hurston, Toni Morrison; she can cross-compare to Gone with the Wind and Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, and all would be in good company. Jane Eyre is a riveting love story if you will.

The history and themes are so powerful that it is considered required reading in plenty of honors literature courses. Though entertaining, Waiting to Exhale is not the type of literature I would expect my English professor would have the class discuss as a group. Terri McMillan obviously did not mean it for that purpose.
Some critics have stated that Making Mary should be considered required reading in an array of fields---and they have not made this claim because it is considered merely the most compelling love story of all times. In Gone with the Wind, the Civil War is a backdrop of an inspiring love story; in Making Mary, the Black Experience is the backdrop demonstrative of mental conditions that have spread over generations.

Additionally noteworthy by God’s Grace is Making Mary appeals to a wide audience. This “love story” has captured the hearts of incarcerated males, females with doctorates, single mothers with less than a high school education, urban fiction readers, Harvard English graduates, history buffs, and many more.