Stuart Bone's Blog - Posts Tagged "humour"

I currently have 2 adverts running to try and entice people to look at my page and my novel (preview of first chapter available).
I know this is only the start of day three but I've had no 'clicks' as Goodreads like to call it. I'm hoping once Goodreads gets around to approving my giveaway things will look up but I can't help feeling a little disappointed; like the shy kid in the playground who's watching all the other kids running around and having fun and hoping someone will take pity and ask him to join in.
My Facebook page has been attracting more attention than I thought it would but I guess not everyone on there is advertising themselves as an author. Here, we're rife; like some contagious disease.
In my author dashboard (there's a sentence opener you don't hear everyday) it says that my Blog posts are being viewed. I have no idea who by as I don't know how to look up random blog posts for other authors except by visiting their page (wouldn't that count as a 'click?' Perhaps not; I'm not the most technically-minded person in the world. I'm still getting my head around the new emojis on Facebook).
Anyway, when I first noticed that my posts were being viewed I felt an overwhelming urge to write on here, "Please like me." I have no idea where that needy attention seeking came from. I've always been more than happy to stay in the background and let those that crave attention and sympathy from friends and strangers stand out from the crowd.
But suddenly here I am; shallow, needy and desperate for a bit of recognition. I need help. Any psychologists or psychiatrists out there...please like me. Oh God; there I go again!

Goodreads has approved my giveaway of 10 signed copies of Driven to Distraction (goes live at midnight on 19th June and runs until 19th July).
I've just had a check of how the ad will look. To the right of the screen it has my photo and says "Giveaway by Stuart - 207 books & 4 friends." That doesn't make me sound sad and lonely at all, does it! Why not add insult to injury and add a quote saying, "I consider my books my friends."
In all seriousness most of my friends don't have a Goodreads login. Before I published my book, neither did I. I don't really know why that is as I've found it a great website to use to see what others are reading and what they thought of books I've already read.
Perhaps it's because in my previous career as an accountant I was looking at a computer screen all day everyday and wanted a break when I finally got home of an evening.
As a writer I guess I still do spend a lot of time in front of the computer but it's a job I absolutely love doing. And working for myself I can just login to Goodreads and Amazon when I want, not just when the boss is away from her desk.
Mind you I need to start rationing the time I spend on this site, checking to see if anyone has liked my page, as I still have a first draft of book 3 to finish before starting final edits of book 2.
So, back to it then. Think of something funny...

Before I began writing novels the word 'research' conjured up an image in my mind of reading through piles of books and making copious amounts of notes that may or may not get used.

I'm sure with many non-fiction books, and particularly historical fiction, that's something that still needs to be done but so far I've managed to avoid it in my novels.

That's not to say I don't do any research. In my first novel, Driven to Distraction, I really needed to find locations that I could use as a basis for the excursions that the coach party travels to. I created the entirely fictitious county of Tenhamshire but to be able to describe the places the characters visit, so that the reader can picture them in their own minds;I had to start with a real place that I could then adapt using poetic licence.

My village of Baddlesbury, the first excursion of the trip, is based on the beautiful, medieval village of Lavenham in Suffolk. I added a farmers' market and changed a few buildings and the view from the top of the church tower (which is actually based on a view of Dunstable Downs, as seen from beside the penguin enclosure at Whipsnade Zoo). I so like the village that I've returned to it in my third novel, Long Shadows, that I'm currently writing a first draft of.
Several places in my home county of Essex have also been inspirations for places in Tenhamshire; including Two Tree Island in Leigh-on-Sea, Greensted Church near Chipping Ongar and RHS Hyde Hall, which is the inspiration for the grounds at Tenham House.

My third novel features an expensive retirement home which I needed to be an old manor house of some kind. It had to have grounds too. My research for that turned out to be a particularly lovely few hours spent at Ham House in south-west London. I've added some bay windows and balconies to the back view of the house and also added a large conservatory but the outside of the house provided me with enough inspiration to create the place I wanted. They have a garden surrounded by a large hedge that has had squares cut out of it so that people can look into it. I was so taken by this that I've created a residents garden at my fictional Home with the same hedge surrounding it.

Sometimes a bit of research is necessary just for a small scene. In second novel (Nothing Ventured, out November 2016) I have a sixty-five year old couple who are trying to bring a little excitement into the bedroom. They aren't the main characters but I think their part of the story is probably my favourite. The two try lots of different things and one of them is to look through a sex toys catalogue together to see if there's anything they fancy using. It's the first time either of them have seen a catalogue like this and the scene is very amusing. Of course to write that scene I had to spend some time looking at sex toys online (and that's my defence for the items on my browser m'lud).
I think a friend of mine probably regrets texting me at that particular moment to see how my writing was going. Still, perhaps she learnt something new about love eggs.

When I first took a break from my career in banking to write full time, I took the decision to keep regular office hours. It was something I was used to and I soon realised that writing as a career is totally different to writing as a hobby in your spare time.

As much as I love doing it I also enjoy having weekends off and switching off each evening. I think that's very important otherwise the writing can take over.

That's not to say I don't suddenly think of something during the evening or weekend but usually I'll just note the thought down and come back to it during my writing day.

The worst thing is thinking of something just after you've closed your eyes to go to sleep at night. Fortunately I do keep a notebook in the top drawer of my bedside cabinet but writing down one idea invariably leads to something else. I've brought in a rule that I will only switch my light on to write notes three times. After that I force myself to switch off.

The other thing that I'm fortunate in is having an office in the third bedroom where the door can be closed when I'm done and this really helps with switching off. A number of years ago I had the opportunity to take a year out after being made redundant from my job. I did a short story writing course and also worked on my first attempt at a novel. At the time I was living in a small, two-bed roomed apartment where all the rooms came off of a tiny hallway. To get any light into this space I had to keep the door to the second bedroom open. This was where my desk was and so every time I walked through that hallway I saw the desk and I either began thinking about the stories I was working on, or I felt guilty because I hadn't been working on them that particular day. I wasn't ever able to switch off properly. Still, it was a lesson learned.

Today is Saturday and after I publish this I will not be doing anything else book related until Monday; and that feels great.

Well, my last post where I copied in the first scene of my second novel went well. Had some nice, positive feedback and a spurt on Goodreads members adding my first novel to their 'to read' list.

That's really pleasing for me as the opening lines of any story are always the most important, whether it's for someone who just wants to read the story or an agent or publisher looking at a submission.

The opening scene in Driven to Distraction was changed only a couple of months before I published it on Amazon. I'd put the book aside for about six weeks prior to that so I could read it afresh and decided that the original scene of Derek chatting with a group of young lads in a Gents toilet, who were going off on a stag trip, was too long and didn't get enough laughs in at the beginning.

Of course, changing this meant I had to then change other parts of the story where Derek made reference to this first meeting. Still, I do prefer his scene with Mrs Crabtree going off on her Swingers Holiday.

Mind you I did like Derek's confusion in the original scene when he overheard a couple of the young lads say they were looking forward to "riding a big one as soon I get there," and "I'll be going up and down all day." He asked if they were off to the Amsterdam red light district and they told him they were going to a theme park. Well they were a young group.

As I'm editing second novel, Nothing Ventured, I'm laughing at the scenes. Hopefully that's a good sign and doesn't scream Narcissism. Humour is an odd thing really. Who knows why someone laughs at one thing while another doesn't find it funny at all.

I've decided to follow the notion that if I'm laughing then those that share my sense of humour will too. Wouldn't it be terrible if it was only me that found the book funny!

I noticed I've had some 5 star ratings for the first novel here on Goodreads from people that aren't friends and who don't know me at all, so hopefully I'm doing something right! Thank you to those people. I hope the winners of the giveaway like it too.

Anyway back to Nothing Ventured and a scene involving pain in the arse, Chris, who thinks all women and gay men fancy him. ("It's going commando in tight jeans that does it.")

I realised I hadn't really been pushing the second novel enough after publishing it last month. In an attempt to get a bit more noticed I have now set up a website. This can be found at: -

www.stuartboneauthor.com

I am also now on twitter at: -

https://twitter.com/sboneauthor

It sounds a bit odd to say, 'you can follow me there' but you know what I mean.

Here we all are again, saying to each other; "I can't believe we're at the end of the year. Hasn't it gone quick. So much quicker than last year."

I'm not a big fan of celebrating New Year really (not that I would turn down an invitation to a party mind you) but it's just another day after all. I gave up on making resolutions years ago after I'd broken them all by 4 o'clock on the afternoon of the 1st.

I have to look back on 2016 as a positive year though. I may not have attracted a literary agent but I carried on, went it alone, and now have two novels published. I guess that's pretty good going. Hopefully in 2017 I'll be able to widen my readership while completing novel number 3.

I'm looking forward to Christmas; the wine, the food, the wine, the presents...oh yeah; and the wine.
I always like a practical present, something I actually want and need. With the carrier bag charge coming in, in England this year, wrapping up 20 bags for someone for a pound sounds like a good idea; especially if you buy them at Next. You get a better quality bag there for your 5p.

That gives me an idea for my serial killer in novel number 3. Maybe they shouldn't be a strangler. Maybe they could suffocate their victims using a Bag for Life?
Yeah, perhaps not.

Anyway, as this is my last blog for the year I would like to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.

Well here we all are, almost a week into 2017; the Xmas decs are down, we're all back to work and everything is returning to normal.

I did actually start work again on the 1st (although I guess a lot of people out there wouldn't call writing a synopsis work. My response to that is try writing one first and then come see me. It's Wednesday now and I'm still trying to get it right.)

I hope everyone's NY celebrations went off with a bang. I was in bed reading at midnight but did get up to watch people's fireworks from my bedroom window. They've certainly come a long way since the ones of my childhood. Back then my dad would light them and they were finished before he'd run back to us. I always remember the traffic light ones that sent out lights in red, yellow and green. Not a patch on today's ones but I still enjoyed them (a simpler time back then) and sparklers remain my favourite thing to this day. Who doesn't write their name with one as soon as it's in your hand? Just like urinating in the snow (that's a shout out to all the fellas...and possibly some very talented women).

Anyway, back to this synopsis. I've got some agents I want to contact and am sending them details of my second novel, Nothing Ventured, to look at. Hopefully I'll find one that likes humour and not just crime & thriller novels.

Just to let you know, I'm running a giveaway for one of 5 signed copies of my second novel, Nothing Ventured.
This giveaway is just for UK members of Goodreads but I'll let you know as and when I run an international one. Link below. Good luck!

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sh...