Ulff Lehmann's Blog: Blogging Lot - Posts Tagged "fan-fiction"

take 2

Yesterday I had already written a couple of paragraphs when I decided they might come across as too snarky. Today I realize "hey, it's me, I AM snarky!"

So, without further ado...

I did write fan fiction as well, some Indiana Jones piece back when I was 13 or so, long before PCs and the commonly available internet. I wrote it because I wanted more Indy stories, let's face it, we all could do with more Indy stories. I think that was the only piece of fan fiction I ever wrote...

I understand the need to write in whatever universe, be it that sequels to beloved books take too long, or that they take so long that children you named after beloved characters now read them books too.

Then there is the other side of fan fiction... or masturbatory fantasies for those who think porn is too naughty for them. Seriously, what is it with those people who sit down and write their alternate version of what happened in Batman v Superman. XXX-style. Imagine the most absurd, out there topic, like Gandalf and Bilbo in a steamy sex scene, and it probably has been done. Why? Is there not enough porn on the internet? There's probably a porn category for hairy men and dwarfs as well... seriously, what is wrong with you people? And the worst thing about all this is that people actually made money with it. Yes, I'm looking at you, 50 Shades...

Admittedly, aside from a few bits of terrible, terrible prose, I have not read it. Neither did I read the inspiration to 50 Shades, Twilight. Though I watched the films (with a LOT of beer, well, for my current self a lot of beer, two decades ago that six pack would have evaporated during the first half of the first film) and I still struggle to understand how shallow and thin a story such as this could have an impact on millions of people...

And then a steamy, bondage-abusing masturbatory fantasy to Twilight conquered the internet, and got a book deal. Millions of people buying the book because of the hype made around the amazing success. They butchered whole forests for that thing! (I have nothing against paper books, nothing at all) But in the end very few people read it, many brought it to second hand stores until the store owners demanded for people not to bring anymore issues, the hundreds of books that were not selling at all might have made good insulation for tree houses or lining for bird cages.

I don't begrudge anyone their success, E L James must have wanked long and hard to get her... crap... must have worked(!) long and hard to get the story together. And the publisher must have worked long and hard to make... crap... wanked a whole lot after seeing the sales numbers. (seriously, it's difficult to keep a straight face writing this) And then a movie deal... one which was not made by a porn company... tho they could've used the dialog as written and none of their performers would have noticed the difference between that and their usual "scripts."

Now back to fan fiction, the normal, non-smutty kind. I get it, new stories... it's also a playground where one can stretch their writing muscles without being ridiculed... but in the end a writer needs to work on their own, original material. Is it tough to come up with a plot? Yes, and it should be. There's no story that has not, in one way or another, been covered in millennia of fiction, so getting something original is difficult. (please don't call out Twilight as a counter example of a rich background and whatnot, the woman dreamed of a hot man for fuck's sake, that was her inspiration)

Take your first guided, so to speak. steps in writing by writing fan fiction, no problem, you might even improve something that is already existing (a la Star Trek TNG, to which Ron Moore wrote a screenplay and got a job) but those chances are astronomical to begin with.

So please read a lot, do not read the latest fad, do not think just because you read Twilight in its entirety that you have read a lot, read different genres, and take your first unguided steps into the world of writing without the handhold familiar characters might offer. It is tempting to fall back on those, yes, but the danger lies in you never making any progress as a writer...

And please stop perverting our heroes, go and look for porn like normal people!