Helene Fermont's Blog

I meet many people who, for some reason, don’t realise their full potential in their personal and professional lives.

It can be hard to leave someone and something we’ve known and feel familiar with but settling for less than we deserve isn’t an option for me. Why would anyone contend with the same if they know it doesn’t make them happy anymore? Sure, we must pay bills and keep a roof over our heads and sometimes a bad relationship is worth fighting for. But only if the other person’s willing to change and negotiate a better way to live together. People rarely admit they’re wrong and empty promises don’t improve things.

I’ve been in unhappy relationships and work situations. Let me tell you this, nothing changes unless you are prepared to make changes and get the life you deserve. I’ve met too many people who were too scared to move on, but were forced to because the other person left them. Don’t wait too long. I can assure you, life will pass you by and before you know it, your chance of happiness and fulfilment will too.

Is it better to stay where you are or to take a risk and find another job and person to love and share your life with? Absolutely. As long as you know you’ve done your best to work things out and there is no solution to the problem. One day you’ll look back and think about your life and choices and be happy you didn’t settle for less.

Life’s too precious to not get the best chance to live and love.

I am so pleased I’m surrounded by people who truly care for me and have my best interests at heart. Make sure you have real friends, not the kind who get in touch when they want something from you. Life’s give and take and getting the right balance is hard. Real fulfilment and happiness come from you and the people and things you love and enjoy no matter what goes on in the world.

Are you like me, wishing we could go back in time and do the things we enjoyed then? I find myself reminiscing about years ago when I was younger, and thought the world was my oyster. It’s Hard to be positive in today’s world with so much going on everywhere. All the time. If it was good things, I wouldn’t mind so much and I always welcome positive changes. After all, no one and nothing stay the same all the time. But it’s the constant negative and traumatic things we’ve no control over that worries me and cause stress. I do my best to live my best life and try to avoid too many negative thoughts and news throughout the day. It’s my way of protecting myself in an increasingly difficult era and I feel much better doing the things I enjoy.

Recently, a wonderful musician and composer died and I was reminded of how much they meant and mean to me. Burt Bacharach was incredibly talented and his music will continue to be part of people’s lives forever. I mean, how many artists last as long as he did and still does? Of course, his long term fellow musician and lyricist, Hal David was wonderful too and the two of them will be remembered by millions of people whose lives were enriched by their music and legacy. Their songs were truly the sound track of so many people’s lives. 

Music, books and art live on and inspire us to live and love and get the best life. It also reminds us of better, more carefree times. Here’s the thing; every decade has its own problems but the difference now is that people feel more isolated than before. We Need music and books and art in our lives to feel and love and live. Now more than in a very long time, we need to remind ourselves of better times and look forward to the little things that make us happy. Nostalgia is as much a part of my life as writing and working and spending time with loved ones. Humans thrive on physical connections and meaningful conversations. A song and a book can transport us to another time and a special moment. I always find the time to return and read the books I used to love and after a while I find new things to cherish and love. Similarly, a melody lingers in my heart and mind and brings back special memories and feelings of times gone by and how much that song means to me. 
Nostalgia is wonderful in moderation because life now is just as precious.
Make every day count and make more memories to look back on with love and gratitude. 

Everyone seems addicted to online activities, even if only for a few hours now and then. It’s a sad fact we spend a lot of time glued to devices and apps of all kinds, and they’re getting more advanced. I know people who check messages, the latest news and much more at night and don’t switch off.

Sleep deprivation and mental conditions have increased in recent years, and it’s getting worse.

I like social media and connecting with followers and readers of my genre, but I don’t permit it to take over my life, and I never feel the need to be on top of what goes on all the time.

It’s such a waste of time and energy to constantly be part of what’s available, and I prefer to live in the real world.

What’s too much, and where do we draw a line between healthy engagement and time waste?

Increasingly, young people rely on the latest trends because someone tells them it’s what they need. It’s dangerous to trust strangers who are famous for something and have many followers.

Nothing compares with living in the real world, with the people and things we love and trust.

Much love Hélene X

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Do you look forward to a New Year as much as I do?

Imagine 365 new days to do the things you look forward to and dream of.

Every year I take stock of last year's good and not-so-good things and regularly set aside time to evaluate how things went.

It's good to plan ahead, but only a little. Life is now and not a rehearsal.

A wise person makes the most of today and doesn't worry too much about the future.

Are you stuck in a rut? Are others' expectations of you and their needs more important than your own? If so, start prioritising yourself and everything you've put on hold for a long time.

A new year with all the wonderful opportunities to engage with the people and things we love - matters more than living up to the expectations of others and their demands.

This year I'll write, spend time with loved ones and look after myself and them.

How about you? Will you continue with the same routines or try something new and different?

Perhaps a new job or living abroad? Life is full of possibilities and adventures.

When I was younger, and at university, I spent my holidays travelling and made friends all over the world. They're still a big part of my life, and we wouldn't have known each other if we hadn't met back then. Life goes on around us no matter what happens, and the saddest thing is giving up on ourselves and our dreams.

2023 will be challenging and all the things we want it to be and not.

Always remember to live YOUR best life.

Much love, Hélene

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November’s here, and soon this year will be over, and a brand new year will begin.

Every year’s a new start for me to look forward to new opportunities and challenges. I don’t believe in making promises, as I nearly always don’t see any point in doing it. For me, it’s far better to establish new routines and stick with the ones that work well. Next year, I’ll start writing another book and possibly also a new collection of short stories.

Time flies, and it’ll soon be three years since the virus took over our lives. Viruses and other uncontrollable and unforeseen things happen no matter what we want and hope for. It’s how we deal with them that matters most.

A new year is a new beginning for me and a chance to do the things I want to do for myself and with the people and pet that matter to me.

What do YOU want to happen in your life next year? Think about it; do you want to continue like you are now, or do you have other plans? Perhaps, a new place to live, even in a new city or country?

Think about what truly matters to you and how you want to live your life. Then, consider who matters and maybe doesn’t matter as much to you anymore.

People continue in the same way and with the same daily routine. So start thinking about what YOU want and what must happen to improve what works and get the life you want and deserve.

Soon, a new year and another opportunity to get what we hope and want will arrive.

Make the most of your life and everyone and everything you want to engage with.

Much love, Hélene

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Sometimes, I meet people who for some reason get too emotionally involved
with others as it makes them feel wanted and needed. It never cease’s to astound me
what lengths they’re prepared to go to make sure someone they care about feel well.

It’s okay to invest time with people less fortunate than ourselves if the situation they’re in requires more attention than what we normally spend time and energy on. But there are times when people crave our personal engagement and involvement for very little in return. I think it’s wonderful to reach out a hand and support people we care deeply about but not so good when they expect more and more from us.

Bear in mind two things:
Help and support go both ways so ask yourself this. Will they be there for you as much as you’ve been for them when you need it?

And will you get the appreciation you deserve when they’re feeling well or be discarded and not wanted in their lives because they’ve moved on and don’t need you anymore?

IT IS A SAD FACT THAT MANY FIND THEIR EMPATHY AND LOYALTY DON’T MATTER AND THAT VERY FEW WANT TO BE REMINDED OF BAD TIMES WHICH YOUR IMPACT IS A CONSTANT REMINDER OF AFTER THEY’VE MOVED ON.

It’s wonderful and kind to be generous and engage with people in difficult situations but not so good to be thrown away when they’ve resolved matters and no longer want you to be a part of their life.

I’ve encountered countless people who feel resentful and angry their support counted for nothing. My advice is to always be there for loved ones and friends but not get too
involved. Always report domestic abuse and sexual abuse and do your best to support the people who matter to you. Don’t take it upon yourself to be their solution emotionally and financially. There are many good professionals whose expertise will help them.

BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF YOUR WELL-BEING
AND HAPPINESS.

Much love, Hélene

Happy Autumn!

This time of year is my favourite time to take stock of past events and everything I invest time and effort with.

It’s the perfect time to evaluate what works and doesn’t. How to get the most from my time and engagements in my personal and professional life. People who matter to me and don’t. Sometimes, it can be difficult to break free from people we have known for a very long time.

THIS IS MY PERSONAL ADVICE ON WHAT KIND OF PERSON TO MAINTAIN A GOOD AND MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH AND LET GO OF.

PEOPLE WHO HAVE MY BEST INTERESTS AT HEART, SUPPORT AND RESPECT ME.
NOT THE ONES WHOSE OWN SELFISH AGENDA AND DISRESPECT DICTATE THE RELATIONSHIP.

Too many times, people tend to renegotiate friendships, romantic relationships and work related colleagues’ impact in our lives.

Why? If someone treats you badly, you must walk away from them and not give them the opportunity to continue to hurt and treat you badly. We live in a society that fosters bad behaviour and superficial connections that rarely develop into meaningful and deep relationships.

Bullies are everywhere, yet hide who they truly are until we get to know them.

I cherish my friends and people I know care about me and are there for me when I need them. People who tell me the truth, no matter how painful at times because I know they want the best for me just like I do for them.

PEOPLE COME AND GO BUT THE ONES WHO STAY WITH YOU THROUGH THE HARD AND GOOD TIMES ARE THE ONES WORTH HOLDING ON TO.

REAL PEOPLE WHOSE LOVE AND HONESTY MAKE YOU THRIVE AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND THE THINGS THAT MATTER TO YOU AND THEM.

Much love, Hélene X

Ever since I was very young my beloved mother instilled in me a deep need to care about people less fortunate than me. Over the years, I’ve met and cared for people and animals whose lives were destroyed by awful people and circumstances out of their control. Many times I wanted and still want to not be part of others sadness and cruel experiences but never give up on anyone if I’m able to help to an extent.

I’ve rehabilitated animals whose cruel past almost made me give up before I gave them a chance to be loved and thrive and get the best life. People frequently ask me why I didn’t give up but giving up on someone and something I care deeply about isn’t an option for me.

My pets over the years suffered unimaginable cruelty from breeders, people who neglected them and treated them like they meant nothing. My cat, Teddy, was nine months old when I bought him from a breeder who didn’t bother to conceal how much she hated him in front of me when I collected him and brought him home. It took years to socialise him as he’d not received a single hug and spent most of his life in a small box in the breeder’s garden all year round without shelter from blustery rain and storms. Even now, after almost ten years, I can hardly believe he’s so affectionate and loving except when visitors arrive in our home and he hides from them in case they’ll hurt him. Cats have long memories and don’t forget awful things.

People and animals mean so much to me. I’m fortunate to have loyal, kind and empathic friends who are there for me when I need them. People think acquaintances are friends but that’s not true. Some people I’ve known for a longer or a shorter time and it always comes down to how much we genuinely care about each other. It’s the reason I never trust someone who let me down in the past and am as loyal to them as they are to me.

When I feel sad and down with everything that goes on around me, my cat’s always there for me. Animals give unconditional love, they don’t care about the reason we’re sad or happy, only that we’re okay and there for them. People, on the other hand, don’t always understand and care why we’re not feeling well unless very special and loyal.

Rooting for animals and people who need love and a special place to feel safe and loved make such a big difference in my life. We live hectic lives and rarely get the chance to interact on a deeper level but having an animal’s unconditional love and special people who want what’s best for us is priceless.

I hope you also have special people and creatures in your life.

Have you thought about how much having the right people in your life matters?

I can tell you it’s Hugely important to have kind and supportive friends and family who root for you when things are good and bad. I’m not talking about ‘yes people’ whose main purpose is to be on your side because they want something from you.
No. I mean people who Really Get you and understand what you’re going through.
People/friends/family who hold your back when in tough times and tell you the Truth about things you are struggling with and need an honest opinion of.

I’ve encountered numerous people who for some reason feel obliged to cope with other people’s rude behaviour and exploitation of them. Children who blame their parents for everything that’s wrong in their lives, siblings who want to have a relationship despite treating you badly and, of course, ex partners who feel the need to badmouth each other.

LIFE IS SPECIAL WHEN WE HAVE THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO TURN TO, CARE FOR AND LEAN ON.

Many years ago, I tried so hard to have a good and honest relationship with someone I really cared about and was there for all the time, through thick and thin so to speak. Years later, I realised they never gave a damn about me, only my support in a difficult time and when they didn’t need me anymore felt the need to badmouth me and said vicious things about me that were completely untrue. It Hurts when we discover people we trusted only used us so Be Aware that someone you view as your friend might not live up to your expectations and deserve your friendship and trust.

Time Means Nothing, Only Character. I’ve spent too much time on people who weren’t worthy of my kindness and support and stick with those who Truly care about me and are honest and supportive.

I’ve got wonderful friends I’ve known all my life so far and people who recently came into my life. The ones I appreciate most are those who stood and stand by me in bad and good times.

I wish you a wonderful Summer.

Much love, Hélene

Not so long ago, a close friend complained men rarely open doors and pull out a chair for a woman. She claimed there aren’t any gentlemen anymore and that most men don’t know how to treat a woman well and show respect. I was shocked to hear another friend was expected to pay her share in a restaurant despite being invited. Call me old fashioned, but if a man asks a woman out on a date, it’s his duty to pay the bill unless both parties agree to split the bill.

My father instilled in me the importance of never settling for second best and less than I deserve. Over the years, I’ve realised many women don’t care who pays and both contribute to pay the bills. Some of my female friends think nothing of paying for meals, holidays and treats and get upset if a man wants to foot the bill and open doors.

For me special treats and polite manners are part of being in a loving and committed relationship. I don’t need expensive gifts, a picnic in a park, candle lit dinners and nice compliments when I feel low and need them, are enough. I like men who make the effort to wear a nice suit, and open doors and pull out a chair for women to sit on.
We must celebrate the little things in life and politeness and good manners will always be top of my list of good behaviour regardless of age and trends.

Respect and love go hand in hand irrelevant of gender.

Image from deposit photos. - depositphotos.com