Maryanne Comaroto's Blog - Posts Tagged "holiday-advice"
The best gift of all
It’s easy to get besieged by the sheer volume the holiday season brings with it. And while much of what we are actually celebrating and why gets buried underneath our “list” (which seems to grow each year, and not always in proportion to our bank account), there’s plenty of time to resurrect the Joy the season has to offer by revisiting what it actually means to give!
Janice is one of us. She has two sons and a meddling ex-husband (who plays “Who’s the better gift-giver/ parent?” every Christmas), a new husband and 2 stepdaughters (who celebrate Hanukkah) in a now-gigantic blended family who all expect her to perform magic this time each year: being the perfect hostess, shopper, decorator, baker, and bank for her relatives who conveniently never have two pennies to rub together this time of year. Oh and she has to look great, while making this season one to remember for them all!
Then there’s Marcus, whose sister is single, which drives his family crazy and for the last ten years is the focus of their family’s loud discussion at the dinner table over latkes and kugel. Is she bringing someone, will we like this one? What does he do? The last one was no good, the one before was too young. She’s getting old, what about having children? Do we get whoever she brings a gift, and if so, what? Every year Marcus contemplates moving to Iceland, joining the Peace Corps, or placing a personal ad in search of a husband for his sister in the Alaskan gazette.
Any of this ring a bell? If it does, it’s likely because these are snapshots of how many of us feel when staring down the holiday track and thinking maybe it would be best to jump in front of the proverbial train than deal with “it all” over again.
Okay, take a deep breath. Really. I mean it, a good, deep, audible one and then find some pen and paper. (Automatic writing is magical and amazing and best in your own handwriting.)
1)At the top of the page, write “Giving is about” and then take the pen or pencil and put it in your non-dominant hand and go. Let whatever comes up, come. Doesn’t matter, even if at first it seems like gibberish. Write for at least 3-5 minutes. Repeat if necessary to get it all out and down.
2)Next make a list of all the people that you would want to be with if Christmas was the last time you would see them.
3)Then next to each person’s name ask yourself, “This holiday, how can I be of service to (insert loved one’s name)? What offering will contribute to their joy, wellbeing, or feeling loved and seen by me?” And just sit quietly and see what comes forward. Then write this down next to each one.
It’s amazing how when we come from that place, that real and true place, the answers just come. Its stops being about what we should give or that we have to give, and returns to the holiday’s original intention, what can I offer and share with you in love! All that usual judgment about it being “right” or “good enough” will most likely diminish, ‘cause that’s what happens when we give from our whole heart and soul!
Here are a few similar holiday self-inquiry questions to sit with; see where these may lead:
What am in service to this holiday season?
How can I serve you?
And a few feel-good creative gift ideas:
Sending letters to our folks in the service; one place is http://adoptaplatoon.org/site/
Baking, sewing, knitting, planting, painting your love, and offering it to those who have no family at an old folks home or homeless shelter!
Start your own private warm coat or clothing drive and make a night of it, invite friends to come and bring a gift that you can all donate!
Pick a local family who needs your help to celebrate the season!
To see more suggestions from Maryanne on how to have some unique fun this holiday check out her video: http://www.youtube.com/maryannelive11...
Janice is one of us. She has two sons and a meddling ex-husband (who plays “Who’s the better gift-giver/ parent?” every Christmas), a new husband and 2 stepdaughters (who celebrate Hanukkah) in a now-gigantic blended family who all expect her to perform magic this time each year: being the perfect hostess, shopper, decorator, baker, and bank for her relatives who conveniently never have two pennies to rub together this time of year. Oh and she has to look great, while making this season one to remember for them all!
Then there’s Marcus, whose sister is single, which drives his family crazy and for the last ten years is the focus of their family’s loud discussion at the dinner table over latkes and kugel. Is she bringing someone, will we like this one? What does he do? The last one was no good, the one before was too young. She’s getting old, what about having children? Do we get whoever she brings a gift, and if so, what? Every year Marcus contemplates moving to Iceland, joining the Peace Corps, or placing a personal ad in search of a husband for his sister in the Alaskan gazette.
Any of this ring a bell? If it does, it’s likely because these are snapshots of how many of us feel when staring down the holiday track and thinking maybe it would be best to jump in front of the proverbial train than deal with “it all” over again.
Okay, take a deep breath. Really. I mean it, a good, deep, audible one and then find some pen and paper. (Automatic writing is magical and amazing and best in your own handwriting.)
1)At the top of the page, write “Giving is about” and then take the pen or pencil and put it in your non-dominant hand and go. Let whatever comes up, come. Doesn’t matter, even if at first it seems like gibberish. Write for at least 3-5 minutes. Repeat if necessary to get it all out and down.
2)Next make a list of all the people that you would want to be with if Christmas was the last time you would see them.
3)Then next to each person’s name ask yourself, “This holiday, how can I be of service to (insert loved one’s name)? What offering will contribute to their joy, wellbeing, or feeling loved and seen by me?” And just sit quietly and see what comes forward. Then write this down next to each one.
It’s amazing how when we come from that place, that real and true place, the answers just come. Its stops being about what we should give or that we have to give, and returns to the holiday’s original intention, what can I offer and share with you in love! All that usual judgment about it being “right” or “good enough” will most likely diminish, ‘cause that’s what happens when we give from our whole heart and soul!
Here are a few similar holiday self-inquiry questions to sit with; see where these may lead:
What am in service to this holiday season?
How can I serve you?
And a few feel-good creative gift ideas:
Sending letters to our folks in the service; one place is http://adoptaplatoon.org/site/
Baking, sewing, knitting, planting, painting your love, and offering it to those who have no family at an old folks home or homeless shelter!
Start your own private warm coat or clothing drive and make a night of it, invite friends to come and bring a gift that you can all donate!
Pick a local family who needs your help to celebrate the season!
To see more suggestions from Maryanne on how to have some unique fun this holiday check out her video: http://www.youtube.com/maryannelive11...
5 healthy ways to get through holiday craze!
I’m the first to admit I have some strong opinions, some of which have been wildly popular, and others absolutely not. That could be because we have been indoctrinated into a modicum of agreement on what’s polite, etiquette or even appropriate when it comes to giving unsolicited advice. Or (my suspicion is) we are simply afraid of the truth. However you look at it, the consequences for such straight talk can be stringent; tribal ostracization, social paralysis or, worse, no one likes you and you die alone. Yet somehow the threat of becoming such a pariah doesn’t stop me from trying to penetrate the unconsciousness that most of us suffer from.
I think I may quite seriously be genetically incapable of keeping my mouth shut under certain circumstances; either that or I have an emotional stigmata. While most of my uncontrollable urges seem to well from beneath the radar of my conscious awareness, there are just some things that swell from deep in my heart that I love to share, always in the hopes that any tiny eensie weensie bit may help comfort your soul and awaken you to the true nature of your divine self!
So here I go, like Donna Reed on steroids; here is some wholesome, salient, advice on how to get through the holidays, happy AND healthy!
FORGIVE ~Make a list of everyone in your family and immediate sphere of influence that you are “out of sorts” with. Then either write a sincere letter making amends for your part in the situation, or sit quietly every day for the next two weeks for 3-5 minutes and pray for that person (people), wishing them everything they want for themselves (my definition of love). One of the fastest ways I know to free up your spirit so you can enjoy the magic of the season with a more open heart. You are also less inclined to medicate or do self destructive things when you feel and begin to heal and deal with the truth rather than cover the pain!
GET IN SERVICE~ Pick someone you know who is hurting (or suffering more than you) and reach out to them and see what you can do to make their season more filled with light and joy! If you don’t know anyone, there are a huge number of food and clothing drives you can contribute to or get involved in directly. Just go online. Including women’s and homeless shelters!
MOVE YOUR BODY~ Make sure you are moving your body every day and make it fun. Maybe sign up for a dance class, join the 5 Rhythms dance community, take up ice skating or tango. Or if you know how to do any of these, go teach a class at an a school or old folks home. As my friend Gabrielle Roth says the best way to heal the psyche is to put the body in motion!
EXPRESS YOURSELF~ Gift-giving can make anyone feel overwhelmed, resentful or even insecure. One easy and fun thing to do is make something from your heart! I wrote and recorded a song once and gave it as a gift. There are really inexpensive ways to do this now! Or if gifts aren’t an issue, join a church choir or start a caroling group!
PRAY FOR GUIDANCE~ Meeting our shadows head on is no easy task, especially since the holidays can conjure ghosts of holidays past (or future) like the dickens. So having a daily practice of self inquiry is key to healing and lessening the tendency to ignite the inner saboteurs. While self-inquiry takes discipline there are many forms that will work; pick one (or a combo) that you love and give yourself to it with all your heart! For example: meditation, yoga, walking the labyrinth, moving meditation, shamanic dance, sitting and chanting, or just getting on your knees. You will be amazed at how the sincere devotion and attention you give yourself and the divine within you holds the power to ground you and give you real hope, in such a way that true love and joy will shine in you and through you, a beacon of the divine!
I think I may quite seriously be genetically incapable of keeping my mouth shut under certain circumstances; either that or I have an emotional stigmata. While most of my uncontrollable urges seem to well from beneath the radar of my conscious awareness, there are just some things that swell from deep in my heart that I love to share, always in the hopes that any tiny eensie weensie bit may help comfort your soul and awaken you to the true nature of your divine self!
So here I go, like Donna Reed on steroids; here is some wholesome, salient, advice on how to get through the holidays, happy AND healthy!
FORGIVE ~Make a list of everyone in your family and immediate sphere of influence that you are “out of sorts” with. Then either write a sincere letter making amends for your part in the situation, or sit quietly every day for the next two weeks for 3-5 minutes and pray for that person (people), wishing them everything they want for themselves (my definition of love). One of the fastest ways I know to free up your spirit so you can enjoy the magic of the season with a more open heart. You are also less inclined to medicate or do self destructive things when you feel and begin to heal and deal with the truth rather than cover the pain!
GET IN SERVICE~ Pick someone you know who is hurting (or suffering more than you) and reach out to them and see what you can do to make their season more filled with light and joy! If you don’t know anyone, there are a huge number of food and clothing drives you can contribute to or get involved in directly. Just go online. Including women’s and homeless shelters!
MOVE YOUR BODY~ Make sure you are moving your body every day and make it fun. Maybe sign up for a dance class, join the 5 Rhythms dance community, take up ice skating or tango. Or if you know how to do any of these, go teach a class at an a school or old folks home. As my friend Gabrielle Roth says the best way to heal the psyche is to put the body in motion!
EXPRESS YOURSELF~ Gift-giving can make anyone feel overwhelmed, resentful or even insecure. One easy and fun thing to do is make something from your heart! I wrote and recorded a song once and gave it as a gift. There are really inexpensive ways to do this now! Or if gifts aren’t an issue, join a church choir or start a caroling group!
PRAY FOR GUIDANCE~ Meeting our shadows head on is no easy task, especially since the holidays can conjure ghosts of holidays past (or future) like the dickens. So having a daily practice of self inquiry is key to healing and lessening the tendency to ignite the inner saboteurs. While self-inquiry takes discipline there are many forms that will work; pick one (or a combo) that you love and give yourself to it with all your heart! For example: meditation, yoga, walking the labyrinth, moving meditation, shamanic dance, sitting and chanting, or just getting on your knees. You will be amazed at how the sincere devotion and attention you give yourself and the divine within you holds the power to ground you and give you real hope, in such a way that true love and joy will shine in you and through you, a beacon of the divine!
