Roger Raffee's Blog - Posts Tagged "hitler"
Short story: The Jew Conspiracy Explained
I was at a cocktail party the other night. An attractive blonde gave me a nice smile. I'm old(er) and I'm married, but I still like girls as much as most guys. I smiled back.
"You having fun?" she asked me, taking a sip from her martini.
"It's gettin' better," I grinned, toasting her with mine.
"What do you do?" she asked me.
"Nothing right now, just being here at the party," I answered, shrugging.
"No, I mean what do you do for a living," she asked, with a little laugh, taking another sip.
"Nothing right now," I answered, shrugging some more.
"So you're retired?" she asked.
"No, not really," I answered. "I'm working on a book I just wrote. I'm trying to be a writer."
"What's the book about?" she asked, taking another sip.
"It's about my great-grandfather who was the first Jewish Texas Ranger," I answered, over the noise of the party.
"Oh, so you're Jewish?" she asked.
"Yup," I answered, nodding my head, holding my glass.
"Are you voting in this election?" I asked.
"Trump!" she exclaimed with a big grin, raising her glass, and then taking another sip.
"Hillary," I said, not as loudly, a bit shy in the face of her enthusiasm, hoisting my glass up a couple of inches.
"All the stuff that's coming out, about him groping women and bragging about it, don't bother you?" I asked her.
"Oh sure," she said, making a jerking motion by nudging up her left shoulder and tilting her head towards it. "But Hillary's worse. Hillary's evil. At least Trump's a regular guy who tells it to you straight. You don't know what's up with Hillary, all the things she's hiding that they don't tell us about. I voted for Trump. I'm done. I mailed in my ballot. I'm for Trump all the way, no matter what. Anything is better than that evil bitch."
"I didn't know Hillary was that bad," I said, with a slight smile, downing half my martini.
"Of course she is," said the attractive blonde. "You can't believe anything the media tells you. The Clintons, the media, they're all part of a huge conspiracy. They're protecting the banks, wall street, and their rich friends all over the world."
I shrugged and hoisted my glass a little without saying anything. I couldn't argue with that. There was a certain logic to it I couldn't refute.
"You know what I'm talking about," she said, nodding as if she agreed with herself that I did know what she was talking about, and then taking another sip. "It's the Jews that run everything. You guys are born Hillary supporters. They raise you to be liberals, don't they? or be rich and part of their Jewish conspiracy."
"It starts when we're five," I said, with a polite smile, nodding my head. "It's part of our religion."
"I thought you guys aren't supposed to talk about that," she said, inquiring, with a slightly suspicious look.
"We're not," I said, "but once in a while, one of us at a party or something, has a little too much to drink, and the beans spill out. That's how you guys find out about it."
"Oh!" she tossed her head back in pleasant surprise and a big smile. "Well drink up," she said, finishing her glass. "I want to hear all about it."
"Give me your glass," I said, drinking the rest of my martini and reaching for her empty glass. "I'll go fill us up again."
She politely handed me her glass and I walked over to the bar. My wife was there, with her back up against the counter, looking at the blonde.
"You're talking to that Blonde girl?" she asked, without looking over at me standing next to her. I gave her a quick affirmative glance.
"I heard she's crazy," my wife said.
"Yeah, a Trump supporter," I said.
"Oh God," my wife said slowly, with sarcasm in her voice.
"Yeah," I said, giving her the sideways glance, then catching the bartender's eyes. "I'm getting us more drinks." I looked over at my wife again, but this time I was grinning.
"You're crazier than she is," said my wife, as I carefully began walking back to my new friend with a full martini in each hand.
"Here you go," I said, handing the blonde the undisturbed martini after making the dangerous climb through the crowd.
"So, what happens when you're five?" she asked, smiling.
I thought she was joking, but I kept it going.
"We start hearing voices," I said. I pointed to my skull. "In our heads," I explained.
"What kind of voices?" she asked, fascinated, and curious.
"Our ancestors, the Jewish bankers. Not all bankers, but most of them are," I said, perfectly serious.
"You're joshin' me," she said, suspiciously.
"Only Jews can hear them," I said. "How do you think there's a Jewish conspiracy?" I asked her.
"That makes sense," she said, understanding.
"They tell us what to do, how to take over the banks, and the media, how to run things without people knowing. They teach us in our heads. We start learning when we're five. It's the same for all Jews, and we never tell anybody about it except for once in a while when we're drinking and let our guard down."
"That's how you get all the money, and all the power, and own everything," she said, concurring.
"Exactly," I said nodding. "And we also get hundred million dollar bank accounts, to use however we want, to try and take over the world, but we have to keep it a secret."
"Wow," she said, staring in to space, reflecting on the possible importance of my revelation. Then she shook it off and came to her senses.
"Trump's gonna change all that," she said, lighting up with sudden alacrity.
"We got that covered," I said, smiling smugly. "We recruited his daughter. She converted to being Jewish. Also, we got control of the media, and we got all these stories going on about him."
"Well, I'm not saying he's going after the Jews," explained the beautiful blonde, holding up her glass to take a sip, while smiling comfortably. "And I'm not saying he's going to win either." She shrugged. "He's going to expose you guys. That's what's going on. That's what you don't understand. Even if he loses, he's still exposing what you guys are doing. Right now he's got almost half the country who are learning about what's going on. If he loses he'll still have plenty of people who follow him. He'll keep exposing you guys for what you're doing to this country, just like he tried to expose communist Obama.
He might not go after you Jews right now, but I guarantee you somebody will. Maybe not Trump, but somebody will in the future. All Trump's going to do, for now, is expose what you guys are doing. He's going to make it harder for you guys. Look how far you had to go in this election to suppress Trump." She looked at me with a penetrating, glaring grin. "You're going to have a harder time getting the blacks and the Mexicans to do what you want. Trump will educate them too. The illegals are going to be the first ones to go."
She nodded her head and smiled as she walked away. I walked back to the bar and told my beautiful wife, a Mexican girl, who has had poor relations scramble across the border, what the attractive blonde told me.
"It's scary," my wife said, reflectively, "how many Trump supporters think that way."
"They all do," I said, "to some degree or another. Even if they don't want to admit it, they don't mind being on the same side with people who think like that."
A little later I was talking to a friend of mine and he mentioned how Hitler actually got elected by a majority in the early 30's.
"That's not quite true," I said. "His party, the Nazis, had about 36 percent of the vote, but they were growing in strength. An old man named Hindenberg, the President of the country, got the majority of the votes, but he made Hitler the equivalent of a vice-president because the Nazis were the second biggest party. Hindenberg died and that's when Hitler took over, with less than 40% of the voters behind him."
"That's about probably what Trump has," said my friend.
"Yeah," I said. "Huh, what a coincidence."
"You having fun?" she asked me, taking a sip from her martini.
"It's gettin' better," I grinned, toasting her with mine.
"What do you do?" she asked me.
"Nothing right now, just being here at the party," I answered, shrugging.
"No, I mean what do you do for a living," she asked, with a little laugh, taking another sip.
"Nothing right now," I answered, shrugging some more.
"So you're retired?" she asked.
"No, not really," I answered. "I'm working on a book I just wrote. I'm trying to be a writer."
"What's the book about?" she asked, taking another sip.
"It's about my great-grandfather who was the first Jewish Texas Ranger," I answered, over the noise of the party.
"Oh, so you're Jewish?" she asked.
"Yup," I answered, nodding my head, holding my glass.
"Are you voting in this election?" I asked.
"Trump!" she exclaimed with a big grin, raising her glass, and then taking another sip.
"Hillary," I said, not as loudly, a bit shy in the face of her enthusiasm, hoisting my glass up a couple of inches.
"All the stuff that's coming out, about him groping women and bragging about it, don't bother you?" I asked her.
"Oh sure," she said, making a jerking motion by nudging up her left shoulder and tilting her head towards it. "But Hillary's worse. Hillary's evil. At least Trump's a regular guy who tells it to you straight. You don't know what's up with Hillary, all the things she's hiding that they don't tell us about. I voted for Trump. I'm done. I mailed in my ballot. I'm for Trump all the way, no matter what. Anything is better than that evil bitch."
"I didn't know Hillary was that bad," I said, with a slight smile, downing half my martini.
"Of course she is," said the attractive blonde. "You can't believe anything the media tells you. The Clintons, the media, they're all part of a huge conspiracy. They're protecting the banks, wall street, and their rich friends all over the world."
I shrugged and hoisted my glass a little without saying anything. I couldn't argue with that. There was a certain logic to it I couldn't refute.
"You know what I'm talking about," she said, nodding as if she agreed with herself that I did know what she was talking about, and then taking another sip. "It's the Jews that run everything. You guys are born Hillary supporters. They raise you to be liberals, don't they? or be rich and part of their Jewish conspiracy."
"It starts when we're five," I said, with a polite smile, nodding my head. "It's part of our religion."
"I thought you guys aren't supposed to talk about that," she said, inquiring, with a slightly suspicious look.
"We're not," I said, "but once in a while, one of us at a party or something, has a little too much to drink, and the beans spill out. That's how you guys find out about it."
"Oh!" she tossed her head back in pleasant surprise and a big smile. "Well drink up," she said, finishing her glass. "I want to hear all about it."
"Give me your glass," I said, drinking the rest of my martini and reaching for her empty glass. "I'll go fill us up again."
She politely handed me her glass and I walked over to the bar. My wife was there, with her back up against the counter, looking at the blonde.
"You're talking to that Blonde girl?" she asked, without looking over at me standing next to her. I gave her a quick affirmative glance.
"I heard she's crazy," my wife said.
"Yeah, a Trump supporter," I said.
"Oh God," my wife said slowly, with sarcasm in her voice.
"Yeah," I said, giving her the sideways glance, then catching the bartender's eyes. "I'm getting us more drinks." I looked over at my wife again, but this time I was grinning.
"You're crazier than she is," said my wife, as I carefully began walking back to my new friend with a full martini in each hand.
"Here you go," I said, handing the blonde the undisturbed martini after making the dangerous climb through the crowd.
"So, what happens when you're five?" she asked, smiling.
I thought she was joking, but I kept it going.
"We start hearing voices," I said. I pointed to my skull. "In our heads," I explained.
"What kind of voices?" she asked, fascinated, and curious.
"Our ancestors, the Jewish bankers. Not all bankers, but most of them are," I said, perfectly serious.
"You're joshin' me," she said, suspiciously.
"Only Jews can hear them," I said. "How do you think there's a Jewish conspiracy?" I asked her.
"That makes sense," she said, understanding.
"They tell us what to do, how to take over the banks, and the media, how to run things without people knowing. They teach us in our heads. We start learning when we're five. It's the same for all Jews, and we never tell anybody about it except for once in a while when we're drinking and let our guard down."
"That's how you get all the money, and all the power, and own everything," she said, concurring.
"Exactly," I said nodding. "And we also get hundred million dollar bank accounts, to use however we want, to try and take over the world, but we have to keep it a secret."
"Wow," she said, staring in to space, reflecting on the possible importance of my revelation. Then she shook it off and came to her senses.
"Trump's gonna change all that," she said, lighting up with sudden alacrity.
"We got that covered," I said, smiling smugly. "We recruited his daughter. She converted to being Jewish. Also, we got control of the media, and we got all these stories going on about him."
"Well, I'm not saying he's going after the Jews," explained the beautiful blonde, holding up her glass to take a sip, while smiling comfortably. "And I'm not saying he's going to win either." She shrugged. "He's going to expose you guys. That's what's going on. That's what you don't understand. Even if he loses, he's still exposing what you guys are doing. Right now he's got almost half the country who are learning about what's going on. If he loses he'll still have plenty of people who follow him. He'll keep exposing you guys for what you're doing to this country, just like he tried to expose communist Obama.
He might not go after you Jews right now, but I guarantee you somebody will. Maybe not Trump, but somebody will in the future. All Trump's going to do, for now, is expose what you guys are doing. He's going to make it harder for you guys. Look how far you had to go in this election to suppress Trump." She looked at me with a penetrating, glaring grin. "You're going to have a harder time getting the blacks and the Mexicans to do what you want. Trump will educate them too. The illegals are going to be the first ones to go."
She nodded her head and smiled as she walked away. I walked back to the bar and told my beautiful wife, a Mexican girl, who has had poor relations scramble across the border, what the attractive blonde told me.
"It's scary," my wife said, reflectively, "how many Trump supporters think that way."
"They all do," I said, "to some degree or another. Even if they don't want to admit it, they don't mind being on the same side with people who think like that."
A little later I was talking to a friend of mine and he mentioned how Hitler actually got elected by a majority in the early 30's.
"That's not quite true," I said. "His party, the Nazis, had about 36 percent of the vote, but they were growing in strength. An old man named Hindenberg, the President of the country, got the majority of the votes, but he made Hitler the equivalent of a vice-president because the Nazis were the second biggest party. Hindenberg died and that's when Hitler took over, with less than 40% of the voters behind him."
"That's about probably what Trump has," said my friend.
"Yeah," I said. "Huh, what a coincidence."
