Andy Zach's Blog: The Unlikely life of Andy Zach - Posts Tagged "my-undead-mother-in-law"
Zombie Interview With My Undead Mother-in-law
Hey, Zombie Turkeys fans! Here's a treat: a Zombie Interview. The hero of the 'Zombie Turkeys', Sam Melvin, Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys interviewing the heroine of 'My Undead Mother-in-law', Diane Newby. My Undead Mother-in-law: The Family Zombie With Anger Management Issues
“Hi. This is Sam Melvin lead investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon. Andy Zach, author of the zombie documentaries 'Zombie Turkeys' and 'My Undead Mother-in-law' asked me to interview Diane Newby, the zombie heroine whose adventures Andy details in 'My Undead Mother-in-law.' Diane, welcome to our blog.”
“Thanks so much Sam! Although we’ve known each other for years, I’m still excited as a school girl to be interviewed online!”
“Yes, we met years ago. Why don’t you tell everyone about how we met?”
“It was soon after I turned zombie, along with my husband George, my son Donnie, er, Donald, and his girlfriend Maggie. I had my non-zombie son-in-law Ron Yardley and daughter Karen over for Valentine’s Day dinner. Donnie and I got into a little dustup and Ron blogged about it, which caught your interest in our family.”
“Um, yes. For our audience’s information, the ‘little dustup’ involved lots of blood and dismemberment and cracked plaster. That certainly got my attention. Not much was known about human zombies at that point, and I and the readers of the Midley Beacon we dying to know more.”
“That was the first time we met, Sam. You interviewed me and my family about our life as zombies.”
“Yup, why don’t you tell our blog readers what it’s like to be zombies?”
“Why, we’re just like normal human beings! We hold down jobs and go to church like any normal Americans. We just happen to have glowing red eyes. And we’re twice as strong as we used to be. And we move twice as fast. And we can regenerate lost limbs and heads.”
“Other than that, you’re perfectly normal?”
“Perfectly!”
“So, you don’t think you’ve changed at all since you’ve become a zombie, your personality, I mean?”
“Oh, I notice I’m a little more emotional, I guess.”
“Like how?”
“I seem to lose my temper more easily. But most of the time, I feel happier than I ever had before!”
“Why is that, Diane?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I feel so gosh-darned great all the time! I have no aches or pains and I’m almost 50. My husband George feels great too. We can eat all the food we want and we don’t gain weight. In fact, if we don’t eat about twice our former diet, we lose weight! Isn’t that close to paradise?”
“I guess, it’s a zombie paradise. You mention you’re more emotional and you have doubled your appetite. Have you noticed any other effects of zombiism?”
“Yes, we’re all more sensitive to light. Our glowing red eyes come from a layer of blood vessels that grow in our eyes enabling us to see in the dark, but increasing our sensitivity to light.”
“How do you handle that?”
“We wear sunglasses in the day and stay awake at night. Oh, we don’t need to sleep more than two to three hours a day.”
“How have your friends and neighbors reacted?”
“Badly, at first. Everyone was so standoffish! Just because we have glowing red eyes doesn’t mean we’re not human! Even my church members avoided me, at first. That’s why I started SPEwZ.”
“Please explain to our audience what SPEwZ is.”
“’’Society for People Equality with Zombies’ is SPEwZ. We, zombies, and regular humans work together for equal rights for zombies. We advocate for fair and equal treatment of zombie people with other humans.”
“How do you counteract the years of anti-zombie stereotypes?”
“Mostly by doing good deeds. We’re first on the spot for invention in zombie turkeys attack, we file lawsuits if zombies face discrimination, and we use our super strength and basic invulnerability to help our police and armed forces fight criminals and terrorists.”
“Sounds exciting! How can people find out more about you and your society?”
“Simply read Andy Zach’s book ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’. He explains our origins and our adventures very well. And a portion of the proceeds goes to help the cause of zombie equality.”
“Who can say no to that? That’s all the time I have Diane.”
That's all that Sam Melvin sent to me. Let me know if you want longer interviews with Diane or any other character.
Andy Zach
Andy Zach
“Hi. This is Sam Melvin lead investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon. Andy Zach, author of the zombie documentaries 'Zombie Turkeys' and 'My Undead Mother-in-law' asked me to interview Diane Newby, the zombie heroine whose adventures Andy details in 'My Undead Mother-in-law.' Diane, welcome to our blog.”
“Thanks so much Sam! Although we’ve known each other for years, I’m still excited as a school girl to be interviewed online!”
“Yes, we met years ago. Why don’t you tell everyone about how we met?”
“It was soon after I turned zombie, along with my husband George, my son Donnie, er, Donald, and his girlfriend Maggie. I had my non-zombie son-in-law Ron Yardley and daughter Karen over for Valentine’s Day dinner. Donnie and I got into a little dustup and Ron blogged about it, which caught your interest in our family.”
“Um, yes. For our audience’s information, the ‘little dustup’ involved lots of blood and dismemberment and cracked plaster. That certainly got my attention. Not much was known about human zombies at that point, and I and the readers of the Midley Beacon we dying to know more.”
“That was the first time we met, Sam. You interviewed me and my family about our life as zombies.”
“Yup, why don’t you tell our blog readers what it’s like to be zombies?”
“Why, we’re just like normal human beings! We hold down jobs and go to church like any normal Americans. We just happen to have glowing red eyes. And we’re twice as strong as we used to be. And we move twice as fast. And we can regenerate lost limbs and heads.”
“Other than that, you’re perfectly normal?”
“Perfectly!”
“So, you don’t think you’ve changed at all since you’ve become a zombie, your personality, I mean?”
“Oh, I notice I’m a little more emotional, I guess.”
“Like how?”
“I seem to lose my temper more easily. But most of the time, I feel happier than I ever had before!”
“Why is that, Diane?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I feel so gosh-darned great all the time! I have no aches or pains and I’m almost 50. My husband George feels great too. We can eat all the food we want and we don’t gain weight. In fact, if we don’t eat about twice our former diet, we lose weight! Isn’t that close to paradise?”
“I guess, it’s a zombie paradise. You mention you’re more emotional and you have doubled your appetite. Have you noticed any other effects of zombiism?”
“Yes, we’re all more sensitive to light. Our glowing red eyes come from a layer of blood vessels that grow in our eyes enabling us to see in the dark, but increasing our sensitivity to light.”
“How do you handle that?”
“We wear sunglasses in the day and stay awake at night. Oh, we don’t need to sleep more than two to three hours a day.”
“How have your friends and neighbors reacted?”
“Badly, at first. Everyone was so standoffish! Just because we have glowing red eyes doesn’t mean we’re not human! Even my church members avoided me, at first. That’s why I started SPEwZ.”
“Please explain to our audience what SPEwZ is.”
“’’Society for People Equality with Zombies’ is SPEwZ. We, zombies, and regular humans work together for equal rights for zombies. We advocate for fair and equal treatment of zombie people with other humans.”
“How do you counteract the years of anti-zombie stereotypes?”
“Mostly by doing good deeds. We’re first on the spot for invention in zombie turkeys attack, we file lawsuits if zombies face discrimination, and we use our super strength and basic invulnerability to help our police and armed forces fight criminals and terrorists.”
“Sounds exciting! How can people find out more about you and your society?”
“Simply read Andy Zach’s book ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’. He explains our origins and our adventures very well. And a portion of the proceeds goes to help the cause of zombie equality.”
“Who can say no to that? That’s all the time I have Diane.”
That's all that Sam Melvin sent to me. Let me know if you want longer interviews with Diane or any other character.
Andy Zach
Andy Zach
2017: The Year of My Undead Mother-in-law
2017: The year of My Undead Mother-in-law
I thought I’d review 2017: The year of My Undead Mother-in-law. I know, everyone else does this at the end of 2017. Don’t expect normal behavior from a comic paranormal animal author!
(Hint to impatient people: the good stuff is at the end!)
2017 My Undead Mother-in-law
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
January 2017: First Author Appearance and . . .
I was on my last chapter of my first draft of My Undead Mother-in-law and I appeared at the bookstore I Know You Like A Book.
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/2017-year-un...
I thought I’d review 2017: The year of My Undead Mother-in-law. I know, everyone else does this at the end of 2017. Don’t expect normal behavior from a comic paranormal animal author!
(Hint to impatient people: the good stuff is at the end!)
2017 My Undead Mother-in-law
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
January 2017: First Author Appearance and . . .
I was on my last chapter of my first draft of My Undead Mother-in-law and I appeared at the bookstore I Know You Like A Book.
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/2017-year-un...
Get an unpublished excerpt from author Andy Zach’s third zombie book!
Get an unpublished excerpt from author Andy Zach’s third zombie book!
Yup, this is my way of letting you know my progress on Paranormal Privateers, the third zombie book in my Life After Life Chronicles.
The Life After Life Chronicles phoenix
Most of you know my first book, Zombie Turkeys, now available in audiobook format:
Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!
Somewhat fewer of you know my second book, My Undead Mother-in-law, also available in audiobook format:
third zombie book
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
And still fewer know about my third zombie book, Paranormal Privateers. Here’s a summary, from my NaNoMo account:
The President gave a crew of zombies a letter of marque and a superyacht. Their mission: do the jobs that are too tough or touchy for the US military. Diane Newby, the heroine of ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’ leads the paranormal assault forces, accompanied by her romantic husband George and their loyal bodyguards, Lulu and Sharon.
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/get-excerpt-...
Yup, this is my way of letting you know my progress on Paranormal Privateers, the third zombie book in my Life After Life Chronicles.
The Life After Life Chronicles phoenix
Most of you know my first book, Zombie Turkeys, now available in audiobook format:
Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!
Somewhat fewer of you know my second book, My Undead Mother-in-law, also available in audiobook format:
third zombie book
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
And still fewer know about my third zombie book, Paranormal Privateers. Here’s a summary, from my NaNoMo account:
The President gave a crew of zombies a letter of marque and a superyacht. Their mission: do the jobs that are too tough or touchy for the US military. Diane Newby, the heroine of ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’ leads the paranormal assault forces, accompanied by her romantic husband George and their loyal bodyguards, Lulu and Sharon.
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/get-excerpt-...
Paranormal Privateers Progress Update
Paranormal Privateers Progress Update
I must update you on my Paranormal Privateers Progress! So far I’m 69% complete on the Writing phase. Ten days remain until the deadline.
Here are some of the characters in Paranormal Patriots, as described in My Undead Mother-in-law.
paranormal privateers progress
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
Paranormal Privateers Progress – The Characters
Diane Newby
“Karen barely flinched as she looked into her mother’s bright-red eyes.” “Diane still had blond-highlighted brown hair, as she did when I first met her. She’d gained a pound or two though.”
Diane Newby, in her natural environment. The undead mother-in-law
George Newby
“A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.”
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/paranormal-p...
I must update you on my Paranormal Privateers Progress! So far I’m 69% complete on the Writing phase. Ten days remain until the deadline.
Here are some of the characters in Paranormal Patriots, as described in My Undead Mother-in-law.
paranormal privateers progress
Get your copy of My Undead Mother-in-law by clicking here!
Paranormal Privateers Progress – The Characters
Diane Newby
“Karen barely flinched as she looked into her mother’s bright-red eyes.” “Diane still had blond-highlighted brown hair, as she did when I first met her. She’d gained a pound or two though.”
Diane Newby, in her natural environment. The undead mother-in-law
George Newby
“A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.”
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/paranormal-p...
3 Fun Links and 3 Writing Tips Plus a Free . . .
3 Fun Links and 3 Writing Tips Plus a Free . . .
A free what? That’s what you want to know. If you can’t wait, scroll down to the bottom. But then you’ll miss the 3 Fun Links and the 3 Writing Tips.
3 Fun Links
Fun first! Here’s the first fun one!
Note: Spoilers for the film classic ‘Casablanca’, a 76-year-old film.
Then we have the second bit of fun:
How’s your Klingon? If anyone can post the lyrics to Happy Birthday in Klingon, I’ll send you a free ebook of your choice!
Finally, the third fun link, from your favorite comic paranormal animal author, your’s truly!
We Interrupt Your 3 Fun Links for a Freebie Notice
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/3-fun-links-...
My Undead Mother-in-law
A free what? That’s what you want to know. If you can’t wait, scroll down to the bottom. But then you’ll miss the 3 Fun Links and the 3 Writing Tips.
3 Fun Links
Fun first! Here’s the first fun one!
Note: Spoilers for the film classic ‘Casablanca’, a 76-year-old film.
Then we have the second bit of fun:
How’s your Klingon? If anyone can post the lyrics to Happy Birthday in Klingon, I’ll send you a free ebook of your choice!
Finally, the third fun link, from your favorite comic paranormal animal author, your’s truly!
We Interrupt Your 3 Fun Links for a Freebie Notice
More here:
https://www.andyzach.net/3-fun-links-...
My Undead Mother-in-law
Andy Zach Cruises the Internet and Gives Stuff Away
Zombie TurkeysMy Undead Mother-in-lawParanormal Privateers Andy Zach Cruises the Internet and Gives Stuff Away
This is one of those posts where you will laugh and get free stuff. How? Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--that's how I find funny stuff.
But what about the free stuff? I'm in touch with a lot of authors and I find free stuff on the internet. Let's start with the funny things.
Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--the First Funny
How about Thor: Rangarok set to ABBA's 'Dancing Queen'?
If this isn't funny enough for you, post something funnier in this blog's comments or send it to me. I'll give a free ebook to the funniest link I get.
Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--the First Freebie
How about a free newsletter from me? How about a free book? I've got these:
Andy Zach's three novels in his Life After Life Chronicles, the comic paranormal animal zombie saga.
I hold one drawing every month for my newsletter subscribers. Join now!
Your Next Funny
Did you like Thor: Rogarnok set to ABBA? How about Captain America Winter Soldier?
Your Next Freebie
Okay, maybe you don't like books. How about audiobooks?
Listen to a free sample of Zombie Turkeys by clicking here:
Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!
Or listen to My Undead Mother-in-law here:
My Undead Mother-in-law audiobook cover. Click to get yours!
If the vocal actors Phil Blechman and Raven Perez portraying my wacky characters appeal to you, then get on the newsletter mailing list. I have a monthly drawing for a free audiobook, including the end of this month.
The Last Funny Bit
The Last Freebie
One of my author friends, Rik Ty is giving away free stories. Grab yours while you can!
Click here to get them!
And now, here's some free nostalgia:
One More Thing
I love Weird Al Yankovic! Who else can out bizarre Lady Gaga?
Original post here: https://www.andyzach.net/andy-zach-cr...
This is one of those posts where you will laugh and get free stuff. How? Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--that's how I find funny stuff.
But what about the free stuff? I'm in touch with a lot of authors and I find free stuff on the internet. Let's start with the funny things.
Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--the First Funny
How about Thor: Rangarok set to ABBA's 'Dancing Queen'?
Thor: Rangarok but instead of Immigrant Song it's Dancing Queen by Abba pic.twitter.com/VB69PNl2il
— jazmin 🌨 (@thorsbanners) August 8, 2018
If this isn't funny enough for you, post something funnier in this blog's comments or send it to me. I'll give a free ebook to the funniest link I get.
Andy Zach Cruises the Internet--the First Freebie
How about a free newsletter from me? How about a free book? I've got these:
Andy Zach's three novels in his Life After Life Chronicles, the comic paranormal animal zombie saga.I hold one drawing every month for my newsletter subscribers. Join now!
Your Next Funny
Did you like Thor: Rogarnok set to ABBA? How about Captain America Winter Soldier?
a tumblr user set the fight scene in winter soldier to abba and there is truly no dignified way to tell you all i almost wet my pants laughing https://t.co/vC8QVO3Pl7
— emma lord (@dilemmalord) July 3, 2018
Your Next Freebie
Okay, maybe you don't like books. How about audiobooks?
Listen to a free sample of Zombie Turkeys by clicking here:
Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!Or listen to My Undead Mother-in-law here:
My Undead Mother-in-law audiobook cover. Click to get yours!
If the vocal actors Phil Blechman and Raven Perez portraying my wacky characters appeal to you, then get on the newsletter mailing list. I have a monthly drawing for a free audiobook, including the end of this month.
The Last Funny Bit
The Last Freebie
One of my author friends, Rik Ty is giving away free stories. Grab yours while you can!
Click here to get them!
And now, here's some free nostalgia:
One More Thing
I love Weird Al Yankovic! Who else can out bizarre Lady Gaga?
Original post here: https://www.andyzach.net/andy-zach-cr...
The Unlikely life of Andy Zach
More Good Things About 2020 That You Didn’t Know
“More Good Things About 2020? Andy, I didn’t know ANYTHING good about 2020.”
“Then you need to read my first post, Why I’m thankful for 2020 – Author And ...more
“More Good Things About 2020? Andy, I didn’t know ANYTHING good about 2020.”
“Then you need to read my first post, Why I’m thankful for 2020 – Author And ...more
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