Ann Davidman's Blog

(Plus Tips on How to Respond to Questions About Parenthood)

For many, this time of year feels exhilarating, exciting, rich, and full. 

It’s a time to reflect on and appreciate all you have. 

Yet, if you’re feeling fraught with the indecision of parenthood vs. remaining childfree, everything can feel more complex… 

A simple request can feel intrusive. Answering a question can feel like you’re giving more than you have to give. 

When you’re struggling, how can you hold on to what is true for you in the face of strong personalities and other people’s judgments and opinions —  when you can barely stay connected to yourself? 

What if you’re barely hanging on, or feeling depleted, or just down and out — and don’t know how you’re going to get through the next month in the face of other people’s positive cheerfulness? 

Many people try to fake feeling good or happy because it feels easier than setting a new boundary or facing the truth that you’re not feeling so great this year. 

The truth is, although the learning curve may hurt, developing healthy boundaries is easier in the long run. I’m here to help.

 
3 Practices to Stay Connected to Yourself
 

1. Visualize yourself standing tall with a thick boundary drawn around the edges of you. 

Pick a color that feels good to you. Now close your eyes and really see yourself protected within that thick line drawn around you.

Notice how nothing can get through or cross that thick line unless invited in by you. You are the manager in charge of who gets in. Whether you’re able to do this or not, just trying to see the image will help.

Having healthy boundaries means you know you’re a separate human being from others. You want to be able to feel the point at which you end, and another person begins. Even if the people whom you’ve felt merged with do not have healthy boundaries, you can still maintain them for yourself. 

 

2. Make a list of everything good about you. 

Read it out loud starting with the phrase, “The following is absolutely true about me.”

Part two of this list can include everything you wish you knew or felt about yourself. Begin reading that part of the list out loud, starting with the phrase, “I desire to know the truth about the following…”

This list will help you identify where you might feel more vulnerable in the face of other people telling you what you should know or should do. This is where you want to take extra care of yourself. 

 

3. Have your response ready.

Of course, real-life interactions never allow us to stick to a script. Yet, it can be very helpful to reflect on how you’ll respond to difficult questions during holiday gatherings. You can even practice in the mirror if you’d like

Here are a few tips — including some tried-and-true responses you can use — to stay connected to yourself as you navigate the questions, looks, or sideways comments that often come along with holiday gatherings.

No one automatically deserves to know where you stand regarding choices you’ve made, or are about to make, regarding children or living childfree. Certainly, it’s your prerogative to share whatever you’d like to share and with whom. 

While this time of year can be difficult, please know you’re not alone. 

This holiday season and always, the most important practice of all is trusting your inner guidance. When your gut is tied into knots or you have an uneasy feeling in your body, it’s trying to tell you something. Listen to it. 

Wishing you peace and healthy boundaries this holiday season and beyond.

Are you feeling stuck as you decide whether to become a parent or live a childfree life?

It can be difficult to untangle what you truly want — especially with so many voices telling you what you “should” want. 

Plus, it can seem like everyone else just knows. Paradoxically, while parenthood touches everyone’s life in some way, it can absolutely feel like you’re the only one in the world struggling with this dilemma, adding a sense of isolation that makes your uncertainty feel even heavier. 

These are just a few of the reasons it warms our hearts to hear stories like Diana’s.

“Ann is like the wise aunt I wish I had in my life, that I never knew existed,” Diana told us after taking Ann Davidman’s Motherhood Clarity™ Course.

“Her knowledge, guidance, understanding, and compassion have helped me immensely in getting closer to making the motherhood decision. The clarity course made me realize I was not alone and that there were others like me who were struggling over this decision.” 

A Parenthood Clarity™ Mentor, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, and celebrated author, Ann has spent decades helping people arrive at a decision they feel good about. She’s the trailblazing creator of the proven Clarity™ Process you can follow step-by-step. Ann’s 3-month Parenthood Clarity™ Courses provide a judgment-free, structured safe space to help you determine the right choice for you — all while Ann serves as your mentor.

Diana says Ann’s process “has given me a shift in perspective on how to better navigate my internal/external pressures and, most importantly, a feeling of alleviation that I so needed to continue figuring out where to go from here.” 

Could now be the right time for you to explore and understand the many feelings associated with making this decision — and gain the clarity you’ve been seeking? Diana has some advice for you…

“My wish for those who have agonized over this topic for what feels like an eternity is that you know you’re not alone. You deserve to get the help you need to have peace in your life. Don’t wait another second!”

Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. Start right here:

Access Ann’s Free Resources
Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course , Fatherhood Clarity™ Course , or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course .

Ann Davidman created her trailblazing Clarity Process to help you explore and come to understand the many feelings associated with your decision to become a parent or live childfree.

A key part of Ann's celebrated process is her guided visualization practices — a relaxation technique that uses mental imagery to promote focus and a clear mind.

If you’ve never done a guided visualization, all you need to do is allow whatever happens in your mind… to happen. Trust that your attentive mind will go where it needs to, and that you’ll become aware of the information

that needs to surface as you think through one of life’s biggest decisions. 

Even just closing your eyes engages a part of your brain that isn’t easily accessed when your eyes are open, says Ann. 

Would you like to try this for yourself? Press play and follow along with this practice from a recent class session from one of Ann’s Parenthood Clarity™ Courses — you’ll close your eyes and travel to a far-off, relaxing environment, and return whenever you’d like:

Ann’s Guided Visualization

The mind is very powerful. With time and a little percolation, something will surface. Trust yourself and the process!

Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. Start right here:

Access Ann’s Free Resources
Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course , Fatherhood Clarity™ Course , or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course .

When it comes to deciding whether to become a parent or live childfree, are any of these thoughts keeping you stuck in indecision? 

If I'm being honest, I know I'll miss having time to myself.

I'm scared I'll make a decision about parenthood or living childfree without truly understanding why, and end up regretting it.

People keep telling me I’d be a wonderful parent — but does that mean I should become one?

I worry that choosing not to have kids will make me seem distant or uncaring, and that’s not who I am.

What if I’m not capable of being the kind of parent I want to be?

I care deeply about my partner, but part of me is afraid I’ll grow resentful if I just follow their lead on this.

I adore my dog — that love is so instinctive. I’m afraid I won’t feel that same natural connection with a child.

What if the years go by, and I realize I never really decided?

While these concerns might all sound a little different from one another, there’s something nearly ALL of Ann Davidman’s clients are doing that keeps them feeling stuck… 

Watch the video above as Ann, an MFT and Parenthood Clarity™ Mentor, explains. It might surprise you — and shine some light on your own struggles with indecision. 

You can also join Ann from Friday, May 16 - Sunday, May 18, 2025, for a very special online weekend workshop, Is Parenthood for You?

Through a variety of exercises, you'll explore and come to understand the many feelings associated with making this decision — in a judgment-free, structured environment to help you determine what your next step will be to know the right choice for you.

Have you ever wondered if having children is the right choice for you?

Laura Henshaw, the host of KICPOD, a top-50 podcast in Australia, certainly has.

On her podcast, Laura opened up about how she sometimes feels uncertain as she thinks through this life-altering decision, reflecting on “the fear of losing ourselves, giving up a life we love, the impact children can have on our relationships, our inner selves.”

She went on to say, “And if we do decide to have kids, is it even possible for us? Although parenthood is a choice, it’s not always guaranteed,” sharing these thoughts with her listeners.

She was shocked by the response…

“I have never been inundated with more messages than after I spoke about the issue for the first time on the podcast!” she says.

In response to listener feedback, Laura introduced a 7-part limited series on her KICPOD podcast, “Do I Want Kids?” in 2024 — and the first episode, featuring none other than the Parenthood Clarity™ Mentor herself, our own Ann Davidman, became the show’s most downloaded episode of the year!

Listen to the first episode of “Do I Want Kids?” as Ann and Laura discuss and create a safe and honest space. (You can also continue on and listen to the rest of the episodes — there are seven in total.)

You’ll hear that Laura struggles with many of the same issues you’re likely navigating right now. Looking back, Laura says this conversation with Ann helped her not only decide whether to have children, but it guided her to cultivate clarity in other areas of her life as well.

Don’t miss this open and honest dialogue that became 2024’s most downloaded KICPOD episode!

Do You Want to Become a Parent, or Remain Childfree?
Begin Your Journey to Clarity With Ann Davidman 

Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. It can be hard to figure out what you actually want, and Ann is here to help.

Start right here:

Access Ann’s Free Resources
Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course , Fatherhood Clarity™ Course , or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course .

Do you want children? Or would you prefer to live a child-free life? 

When you're single, this question can feel extra scary, says Bree Steele, host of the Last Year of Single podcast.

There's so much pressure to just know the answer, especially when it feels like you’re running out of time. 

On a recent episode of her podcast, Bree spoke with Parenthood Clarity Mentor Ann Davidman about the process of discerning whether you want to remain childfree.

Listen to the podcast episode here.

Don’t miss these highlights as you listen:

(01:47) Why Bree considers the topic of kids unavoidable
(02:34) Why it can be hard to relate to her friends who’ve always been sure they wanted kids
(03:09) How Ann describes her work as a Parenthood Clarity Mentor (of more than 30 years!)
(03:39) Why Bree feels like the millennial generation is the first group of people who can truly decide whether they want kids — and Ann agrees!
(04:43) The first thing you should do if you’re unsure about whether you want kids
(09:48) Why it’s so important to figure out whether you want kids before you start dating
(10:32) The additional benefits of doing the inner work to get clear on what you want
(15:28) Why Ann considers it a good thing that you’re not sure about whether you want to have kids…

Bree’s podcast is premised on the fascinating question, If this was your last year of being single, how would you spend your time? You won’t want to miss this fascinating episode!

Do you want to become a parent, or remain childfree? Begin your journey to clarity with Ann Davidman 

Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. It can be hard to figure out what you actually want, and Ann is here to help.

Start right here:

Access Ann’s Free Resources
Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course , Fatherhood Clarity™ Course , or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course .

“Indecision is a lonely — and scary — place to be,” Ilana Kaplan, a Brooklyn-based writer and editor, shared recently in Elle magazine. 

As Ilana weighed the choices of whether to become a parent or remain childfree, “my life felt like it had become a constant pro-and-con list,” she said, “ever-shifting as I weighed factors like job insecurity, abortion bans that have made pregnancy more dangerous, climate change, the rising costs of child care and housing, the recent election results, and the general state of the world.”

On her quest for clarity around one of life’s most significant choices, Ilana spoke with our own Ann Davidman — a marriage and family therapist, author, and “Parenthood Clarity” mentor — who for 34 years has guided people through the complex decision of whether parenting is right for them.

“Speaking to her was a wake-up call for me,” says Ilana.

Ilana learned there’s no quick fix for what Ann calls “unending torturous mental gridlock,” but she loved Ann’s structured approach that restored a sense of control she hadn’t realized was missing. 

As you read Ilana’s essay, you’ll hear from several different women struggling with whether to become parents or remain childfree — and you may recognize yourself in some of their perspectives:

“Will being a mom suit my personality type?” — Elizabeth
“Do I want to put a child through that kind of trauma and experience of just growing up in the United States with gun violence?” — Samantha
“Now I’m 33, still single, and I am more unsure than ever… I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a husband, let alone a prospect.” — Olivia
“I wasn’t raised by my parents; my grandparents adopted me… I realized I don’t necessarily want to be a mom.” — Leah
“Do I want to be in this big home with four kids celebrating holidays together, or do I want to be in a villa in Italy by myself with my husband?” — Sophia
“The lifestyle turned me off. I just didn’t want it.” — Marcia 

Are you ready to begin your journey to clarity?

As you think deeply about whether to become a parent, it can be hard to figure out what you actually want. Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. 

Start right here:

Access Ann’s Free Resources
Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course , Fatherhood Clarity™ Course , or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course .

"When are you going to have kids?"

"What are you waiting for?”

“You’d be such a great mom (or dad)!”

As the holidays arrive once again, you might be dreading questions about your current child-free state. Even the most supportive, helpful loved ones can dig in with questions that cause unnecessary pain. 

You’re certainly entitled to your reaction! The truth is, most questions that feel intrusive…. are indeed intrusive.

What if you didn’t have to dread these questions? The best way to minimize this stress is to have a plan in place for how to respond. While it's tempting to tell these family members that it’s none of their business, I believe grace over sarcasm and hostility is the way to go.

Here are a few tips — including some tried-and-true responses you can use — to stay connected to yourself as you navigate the questions, looks, or sideways comments that often come along with holiday gatherings.

One day, children will grow up with the understanding that being a parent or childfree is a personal decision. They’ll be taught that both are good choices and the message will be along the lines of:

“Parenthood, living a childfree life, or raising children is a choice. It’s a very personal decision and only you can know what’s true for you. One is not better than the other but one will be better for you.”

Happy Holidays!

As you try your best to make a wise decision about whether to become a parent or remain child-free, it can be so hard to cut through the noise and figure out what you really want.

Many factors can cloud your decision, including your own fears, your relationship status, cultural traditions, the pull of your career aspirations, concerns about global issues (like the climate crisis, war, and energy prices), your age,  and so much more…

Plus, it can feel like just about everyone you know is quick to offer their opinions — and they’re often influenced by our pro-natalist society, as we all are.

Watch as Ann explains why our pro-natalist society might be impacting your decision-making, and even your own worldview, without you realizing it:

Ann created her trailblazing Parenthood Clarity™ Process to help you create the internal spaciousness you need to explore what you really want, even when it can feel like our pro-natalist society has already chosen for you. 

Through a variety of exercises, you’ll explore and come to understand the many feelings associated with making this decision.

Since 1991, Ann has guided her students and clients around the world to decide whether they want to become parents or remain child-free — now you’re invited to join her and embark on your own journey.

 

Working With Ann

Read the book Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Enroll in one of Ann's carefully designed group Parenthood Clarity™ Courses: Motherhood Clarity™ Course (two formats), or Fatherhood Clarity™ Course
Work with Ann 1:1 in her Private Clarity™ Course

Plus! Ann’s Live Weekend Workshop, Is Parenthood For You? begins this Friday, November 8, and runs through November 10, 2024. 

During this immersive weekend, you’ll:

Experience a safe place where you’ll feel comfortable during this process of exploration.
Uncover unconscious beliefs that may be keeping you stuck.
Discover fears and stories that are creating self-doubt and adding to your confusion.
Begin to unpack societal and family influences — and how to decipher what you most want and need.
Learn to open to uncertainty as best as you can, letting yourself be okay with not knowing what you’ll ultimately decide.
Discover the many definitions of parenthood, including your own.
Understand why it’s never too late to heal your early wounds…and more.

 

After more than 30 years as a Parenthood Clarity™ Mentor, Ann Davidman has seen it time and again…

“One of the reasons you’re feeling stuck is that you’re trying to figure out what you want and what you’re going to do about it at the same time,” says Ann.

In fact, it’s the most common reason people experience what Ann calls mental gridlock as they’re trying to decide whether to become parents or remain childfree.

It’s perfectly understandable you’d mull over the type of parent you want to be, wonder how it will impact your career, reflect on global issues like the future of the climate crisis, consider what your partner wants, and so much more….

But thinking about it all at once is what’s keeping you frozen in place as you try to make one of life’s most significant decisions.

Press PLAY on the video above as Ann explains more.

Ann created her proven method for finding clarity to help you uncover your inner truth and discover what you really want. Ann’s trailblazing process uses live teachings, plus meditations, journaling exercises, and reflective practices so you can fully feel and experience everything you’re learning and discovering about yourself and what you want.

Working With Ann

If you’re feeling called to begin your journey to clarity and decide whether to become a parent or remain child-free,, Ann offers a variety of resources and courses.

Read the book Motherhood-Is It For Me?
Enroll in one of Ann's carefully designed group Parenthood Clarity™ Courses: Motherhood Clarity™ Course (two formats), or Fatherhood Clarity™ Course
Work with Ann 1:1 in her Private Clarity™ Course

Plus! Ann’s Live Weekend Workshop, Is Parenthood For You? is happening on November 8-10, 2024. 

During this immersive weekend, you’ll:

Experience a safe place where you’ll feel comfortable during this process of exploration.
Uncover unconscious beliefs that may be keeping you stuck.
Discover fears and stories that are creating self-doubt and adding to your confusion.
Begin to unpack societal and family influences — and how to decipher what you most want and need.
Learn to open to uncertainty as best as you can, letting yourself be okay with not knowing what you’ll ultimately decide.
Discover the many definitions of parenthood, including your own.
Understand why it’s never too late to heal your early wounds.
And more…