R.E. Gauthier's Blog

[image error]I know I’m being dramatic but that is what writers do. Storytellers have to get their audience attached to their character, invested in their goals, and being dramatic will accomplish these important writer’s goals. Are you waiting to hear why I’m alive? Did I put the need for you to know why I’m alive? In what way am I alive today, that I may not have been yesterday or the day before?

In my own brand of writer’s style, let me set the scene. Last weekend we went to an one day dog agility trial and used an outhouse for our lavatory needs, we ate on the fly a packed lunch. My wife and I were exhausted after we got home because we were out in the sun all day from 7 am until 4:30 pm. My wife says’ to me, “I may not go to work tomorrow because I’m so tired.” I replied, “Well, maybe after a good night’s sleep you’ll feel better.” My wife smiled weakly and said, “I’d doubt it.” The next morning she went to work reluctantly but said she did feel a bit better.

When me wife got home she said again, she was so tired and didn’t feel all that well. In a few hours we found out in true stomach flu style just why she wasn’t feeling so well. In the grips of the nasty norovirus, my wife says, “maybe it was the pork chop that sat in the fridge all weekend that she ate, or the lettuce must have had Ecoli” She promptly threw the lettuce out after another violent trip to the toilet. I was hoping and praying it was only a nasty case of food poisoning because it’s not contagious.

I was wrong, and how? It began with three days of exhaustion. I began to think I had some really bad illness or something worse. I had no energy and by the end of the week I had convinced myself it was just energy-sapping stress or anxiety. You see we were going to spend time with the family of a friend of my wife’s who took her life. I was anxious about being around that sort of grief. I’m a very empathic person and I feel what the people around are feeling. I don’t go to hospitals for this very reason.

So, on the day of the visit, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t do anything but go back to bed and sleep another couple of hours, after I had slept ten hours the night before. Yeah, it’s the anxiety, I thought as I sipped on flat ginger ale and nibbled on crackers. I sat through the visit, crying and feeling emotionally drained for a few hours, then the sheer weight of exhaustion hit me. I didn’t think I could wait to get home. I nibbled on crackers and sipped some more ginger ale. I should be feeling better, so I ate a cookie and a small bowl of yogurt.

While sitting and watching TV with my wife, I suddenly felt the first wave of nausea, but unlike my usual bouts where dizziness hits me first there was just an intense wave of stomach churning, gut-wrenching nausea, and I knew the truth of the matter. It was a stomach flu one of those nasty viruses that creep up on you and them BAM it hits you with a wallop of a punch to the gut…literally and figuratively.

I sat up until I felt like I wasn’t going to throw up, I took gravol, pepto bismol, and sucked on fresh ginger. I went to sleep thinking that when I awoke I’d be better…it’s just the a stomach bug, right? I forgot about how some stomach viruses are more and they make you ill for longer. I believed I had the kind that just attacks your digestive system and then is gone…I was so wrong. I laid in bed all day Sunday thinking I would die. Stomach cramps, body aches like I haven’t felt in years, and the fatigue of a dying person…or the way, I believe a dying person feels like. Like if they sleep they’ll die and if they don’t, they’ll still die.

My wife checked in on me all day, asking if I needed anything or how I felt. My response was pretty much the same. “I new body”  or “Like a Mack truck hit me, backed up and drove over me again.” I had ginger ale, sitting flat in a can, a water of lukewarm water in bottle, a package of crackers going stale, all within reaching distance on the night table next to the bed. Nausea was gone, the cramps and body aches had taken over my body. I was afraid to take anything for the pain because it could make my stomach upset. I knew I needed something to rid me of these cramps and only one thing came to mind. My wife should be coming in the check on me soon, I thought. I can tell her then. But instead the place was filled with the smells of cooking that caused my stomach to churn and threatened to retch up the last sip of water. I yelled out, or at least I believed I yelled, maybe I just imagined I yelled. I didn’t hear my wife respond, so I yelled again. What the hell? I mean she checks in on me but she can’t hear me calling her. What if I’m dying? I will die alone. My miserable feeling of self -pity takes hold and just when I think my despair is too great, my wife pops in her head and says, “did you say something?” I wanted to scream at her, but I’m too tired, too weak, instead ask her to go to the store and get me some Pepto Bismol, only it can help me now. I took the last of it the night before and I’m sure it’s why I slept through the night without nausea or any other bouts of digestive turmoil but now the stomach is complaining and my body aches are too great to ignore…I need drugs again.

Well, the drugs helped enough that I was able to climb out of bed and make my way to the sofa to spend some time with my wife, we watched TV and I nibbled on a few crackers. The body aches were only a dull throb now, the stomach pain is minimal. I think I may survive, was my first thought and final one before I lay my head down to sleep.

This morning I woke up feeling drained, sore and achy again, I need another chug of the Pepto and a painkiller but I’M ALIVE.

Since my latest book  Master of Elusion went LIVE on Amazon, my life has been one busy AND EXCITING day after another! After the release of the kindle edition, I worked on formatting and publishing the paperback edition for sale on Amazon, and promoting my book. While I worked on the formatting and book promotion, I also trained and prepared myself and my dog, Luca for an upcoming agility competition.

After the first week, my book was being read by many people all over the world: Europe, Australia, Canada, and the US. I practiced jumps, tunnels, teeter-totters, a-frames, and weave poles with Luca. We walked and practiced focus, as my mind filled with formatting tools, editing, and ideas on promoting my books. [image error]

May 12-13 brought us to our second agility competition of the 2018 season, but the FIRST outdoor trial. As weather goes, anyone living in Atlantic Canada knows that the weather can change very fast, but this weekend the weather couldn’t have been more PERFECT. Warm winds kept the blackflies away, cool nights made sleeping comfortable, and the sun made sitting outside delectable for May.

The courses offered by the judge were challenging and I kept my mind focused on my partner (Luca) and not how the obstacles would challenge us. We had a BLAST and didn’t just Q (receive a qualifying score/time) once BUT THREE TIMES!! Luca loved our time together and I couldn’t have loved him or been more proud. of him.

The emotional high left me exhausted, but then coming home and seeing how my book as faring on sales, made me feel so BLESSED!! Master of Elusion sold over 24 copies in two weeks.

Then TODAY, I saw the first REVIEW on Amazon…FIVE STARS!! Reading this review made me smile, because the reader truly enjoyed reading my books. I write because I want others to enjoy them and this ONE review, makes all the work, all the sacrifices, and every doubt-filled notion, TOTLALLY WORTH IT!! Every time I had to stay writing or editing, or revising instead of playing with Luca or enjoying time with my wife, I felt guilty, but now it was worth it.

Hard work, perseverance, and dedication even in the face of adversity pays off, when you don’t allow anything to sway you from your goal…these last 17 days were filled with hardships, doubts, and adversity…BUT I did it…well Luca and I did it…with him and my wife at my side…I can accomplish anything!![image error]

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I have spent several days formatting my copy of my latest book, Master of Elusion for print. I have many people asking about a paperback version of my book, so I do my duty as an self-published author and format it for print on Kindle Direct Publishing.

KDP gives you the specifics and not being a tech-savvy person, I struggled to grasp all the nuances. I did manage to format my first book; I know I can do it again. I do everything the same way I did last time, yet somehow, I have difficulties.

You see, KDP is pretty specific on the quality of the work they will print and it has to adhere so that the book will look like all the others they print. I must accomplish this within their perimeters.

Struggle as I do, I finally have an acceptable quality copy uploaded and then it comes to previewing. I’m thinking it looks great until I see a problem, just a small one but it could effect the quality of how my paperback will look. I make the changes and then see a few more.

Two hours later and I have what I feel is a better-looking print copy. I hit the preview launch button and wait….and wait…and wait. It’s an agonizing several minutes as they notify me that it will only be a few more minutes.

Then I see the dreaded ERROR icon…ARGGHHHH! NO! it says I have three blank pages in a row. How the F^*K did that happen?? I only took some extra spacing out of one page, how could that make such a huge difference?

I go back to the original ‘fixed’ copy and peruse the problem, the only thing I see is an extra section break…how the…never mind I remove it and then upload and wait for the preview launcher to open.

And wait…and wait…the waiting maybe worse than anything…then the image of my book opens up and I don’t see any error icons…EUREKA!! By GOD, I think I have it…FINALLY.

I make sure all the pricing fields are filled out for all territories, making sure copyrights are in place…now I hit Save and Publish.

Waiting will commence once again as my Paperback copy of Master of Elusion is in REVIEW. It can take up to 72 hours for my book to be available for my fans and customers to print on demand my book.

Until such time my book is available in paperback, it’s still available in kindle. I’ll be away from home this weekend to attend another dog agility competition…real life takes precedence over being a self-published author. If KDP doesn’t accept my printing copy, it’ll have to wait until next week.

TALLY-HO!!! Luca, Tally-ho!

via Catch-up!!

Well, another book has been launched and I’m exhausted. I need to rest, but before I do; I wanted to tell all my followers(yeah all three of you), what I have been up to from June 2017 until now. As you can guess, I’ve been writing a book, and if you guessed that, you’d be correct. But I have also been living my life and enjoying it fully.

Part of enjoying life, I have been training  and competing in dog agility. What’s dog agility? You ask. Well, it’s a sport where a handler must train their dogs to negotiate a sequence of obstacles, set up by a judge. The courses are designed to be challenging to the dog and handler.

As part of the sport, there are many dog agility associations and we belong to the Agility Association of Canada or AAC. Every year, several clubs put on AAC sanctioned agility trials, and last year from June to October, my dog Luca and I competed in several trials.

Being our first year of competition, I didn’t know how we would do. Imagine my surprise after only one weekend, we got our first Q; a qualifying run that team can earn towards titles. There are many titles that can be earned and I won’t go into them all but suffice to say, the first titles all teams MUST earn to continue up the title-ladder is Agility Dog of Canada and Starter’s Game Dog Title.

In only thirteen runs, Luca and I attained eight Q’s which gave us our Agility Dog of Canada title and only one Q away from getting our Starter’s Game Dog Title.

Comparing our results to the usual dog and handler starting in competition, and it takes many dog/handler teams many more runs under their belts to earn the Q’s we did. I was beyond proud of my boy’s accomplishments especially where he’s an anxious dog around strangers…the agility trials are full of strangers( judge, ring crew, timer, scribe, all the other competitors, crowd, etc)

Luca didn’t just do well, he excelled beyond my wildest dreams. My mind, body, and soul was occupied by training, traveling, and competing in agility all summer. When we weren’t traveling, training, or preparing for a competition, we went swimming. Luca loves to swim.

For anyone wanting to have fun and get some great exercise with their dog, I highly recommend looking into the sport of dog agility. As you can see we both had smiles on our faces this day. [image error]

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I know I haven’t written on here in a VERY LONG time, but here it goes.

Today is a momentous day in a life of a writer; today my second book went LIVE! It took me roughly one year to get may act together to write the second book in my debut MacGregor FBI series. Then it took me another two months to edit, revise, edit, revise, and then format and publish it.

As with the first book, I found myself deterred by self-doubt but it only took me a few months to shake that off and write from my heart. The first book took me ten years to fully realize. This time around I was buoyed by the somewhat success of the first book, and fans asking me when the next book would be out.

Master of Elusion takes up where In Plain Sight left off.

FBI Senior Special Agent Kelsey MacGregor is now in Washington D.C. and she’s faced with an investigation that may not even be an FBI case at all. Kelsey also must face the demons that reared up after the case in Baltimore. Unlike in previous cases, she now has recurring nightmares of her actions and the results of those actions weighing on her conscience. Emotions she could bury behind walls of protection are not front and center.

Kelsey must battle her demons, and either embrace or deny her gift of Second Sight. The emotions will need to be faced or buried once again.

Can SSA MacGregor succeed? Or will her failure to do so, result in more women dying?

Checkout Master of Elusion exclusively on Amazon. In kindle editions only, but paperback will soon follow.

For those of you who haven’t read Book 1: In Plain Sight it’s on sale NOW!!

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“Hello, Yes I’m still alive.” “No, I have not been writing this whole time.” “Yes, I’m aware that I should have been.” This is the kind of inner dialogue I have been having with myself over the last few months. My muses or characters have not been very forthcoming with ideas, plots, scenes, or generally anything at all. They chat briefly and then go silent for long stretches of time, leaving me not sure now to proceed. I’ve struggled with the next instalment of the MacGregor FBI series I began with my first book; In Plain Sight. Then I found myself unable to write at all.

I wrote the first 14 chapters of the next book, some 30,000 words which should have made me overjoyed, should have motivated a binge-writing, should have made finishing the first draft a breeze, but it did not. I figured I needed a break and even thought I may write another totally unrelated story to get my creative juices flowing, but that didn’t work. I couldn’t bring myself to write and the more I tried the more I balked at every turn. “Is this the end of my writing career?” Before I even really got started, my career is over. “Have I written my one and only book?” “Am I a one-trick pony?” The self-doubt and negative inner dialogue ensued and filled me with the thought of quitting and going back to anything but writing. It is surprising how far your mind will travel when you feel like there is no way forward.

Then a few mornings ago, I woke up to my muse talking about the storyline and it didn’t sound the same, it didn’t even resemble the first draft of my beginning at all. “Could it be?” “Have I had it all wrong?” My muse spoke of an alternative beginning to the next book and I began to think how the plot may go and how the twists and turns would go here and there. Imagination is a marvellous thing when it runs free and isn’t tethered by preconceived notions. My normally unfettered creativity had been tied down but now it felt unbound by constraints once again. I think I cried happy tears and then felt exhausted; just the thought of re-writing the entire beginning of the story weighed heavily on my mind. So much work had already been done and I aimed to erase it all and start anew; “how could I possibly do that?” I haven’t even finished the book, so how can I contemplate rewriting at this point?”

“Books are not written, they are rewritten.” Great authors are those who know how to rewrite.” “Never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is written down.” “The only way to write your first book is to rewrite after it is finished.” The advice and quotes about rewriting a book abound and only serve to stymie my progress even further. “Should I just keep trying to finish the first draft?” “Maybe I should finish what I started and stop overthinking it.” More self-doubt, more questions and then it hit me this morning; “When have you ever followed the rules?” The answer to that question was obvious and my mind is made up.

Today I’m rewriting…no, let’s say I’m RE-Beginning my next book. I won’t overthink it I am not going to think at all, just allow the words to flow from me organically and let this book write itself.

For all of my followers and readers I must apologize for being quiet lately. I have been struggling with computer issues and many other issues that rob me of my focus . First off I wasn’t prepared for the stress of writing and publishing my first book and afterward I wasn’t prepared for the fall-out. I woke up daily believing that that day I ‘d feel normal again and want to write. Then the computer would falter or the weather was nice enough to go out and get some yard work done. My writing muses were silent and didn’t want to discuss the next book in my series I started with In Plain Sight. I was getting new ideas but instead of trying to allow them to flow I kept trying to stifle them to work on what I felt I needed to work on.

Today as I sit in front of my new computer with new MS Office 2016 all shiny and new, you’d think I’d be wanting to sit and write all day long. You would think I’d be happy to sit and type my fingers off as the words, scenes, and dialogue flowed from my head, BUT no that is not what is happening right now.

Instead of writing my next book in my series or even a standalone new book, I am sitting here worried about a litter of orphaned kittens I took on as foster mother for a local rescue. The kittens have been getting sick and we lost one over this past weekend. I’m trying to keep them alive to help them fight some mysterious illness that is plaguing them and I feel as though, I am losing the battle and the war.

I wanted to start writing an outline for a new standalone romance book because it kept coming to me instead of the second book in the FBI MacGregor Series. I decided that switching gears may get the creative side of me in the right direction but the emotional and physical setbacks of having sickly kittens is taking it’s toll on my creative side. I feel uninspired, hopeless, and very blue today.

I’m sorry for the down post today and that I sound like a big wet blanket but I did need to get this off my chest and UPDATE you all to what is going on here in my little world. I’m trying to keep positive to look toward tomorrow and the next day and the one after that to be better and brighter. Say a little prayer or keep the kittens in your thoughts. “When life deals you a bad hand you can either fold or you can bluff your way to a win.”[image error]

Source: The Pressure! Oh, the Pressure! by Alison Solomon

This article really hit home today. Those who have read my previous blog posts,  know I’ve been struggling with the ‘other’ area of being a writer. The area that takes me away from my writing, which is what I am, why I am a writer.

Please read to understand what being a writer is really like.

Now I must get back to being a writer… happy reading, readers.

[image error]Getting out of my head and into my heart is my new mantra. After a rough couple of days last week, I was unable to really get out ahead of myself and feel good about my book. Sure I have sold over 220 units in eight different countries and many people have said they liked it, enjoyed it, even loved it. What I came to believe more in last week was the people who think my book isn’t great, has flaws, errors, mistakes everything that can make a perfectionist such as myself doubt and self-sabotage. The worse thing to happen to a writer is to get caught up in creative-suicide when confidence wanes and words stop flowing.

I read the negative words and couldn’t see the positive. Of course I already knew my book, the first of it’s kind, coming from my imagination wasn’t perfect. I knew that I needed to improve my grammatical skills, and also improve my editing skills. When we write we write from our hearts but when we read we read from our heads. Grammar is in the head not the heart and being such a callous, spiteful mistress, it looks to show us our inadequacies . My writing will never be perfect, of that I am quite sure, typos from missed keys on the keyboard or writing too quickly to notice the error in word selection will always abound. When I read the critical review I only saw phrases like: ” every grammatical error known was there…” and “it is the most poorly edited book, I have ever read.” I didn’t focus on the good portion of the review: “the book has so much potential.”  and ” it’s a great story and I had to know the ending.”

My focus was on the words ‘poorly’ and ‘error’ negating any of the words: ‘potential’ and ‘great story’ or the phrase: ‘I had to know the ending.’ When I managed to pull myself out of my head and back into my heart, I saw the truth in the words. Yes I need to work on improving my grammar while writing and editing mistakes when I make them. Yes I will use my newly acquired books on editing, grammar and writing structure into my fiction. What I can’t learn to do is have creativity, imagination and excellent storytelling abilities because you have to be born with those and perfect them over years of living and using them.

The grammar will come and so will my editing skills, of that I am sure. What I can’t learn will only improve with doing not thinking about it. I needed to remember that a good book is not written with perfect grammar; a good book is written with imagination, creativity, and storytelling abilities and then edited to be great. It looks and sounds like people think I have the right stuff, I just need to learn to edit my work more. I also need to not stay in my head but get out of there once in awhile and step into the heart.

I ask you what would you enjoy reading more…a poorly written, boring story with perfect grammar, syntax and structure OR an interesting, thought-provoking, read-all-the-way-to-the -end book with some errors? I’ll keep letting my readers be the judge.

Happy Reading Everyone.