Patrick Scattergood's Blog: Tales to Tell

It's taken me a while, but I've finished the third book in the Mother, Dearest series.

This one was particularly hard to write, not because I didn't love the characters, I do, but because I was nervous at the level of homophobic and transphobic abuse I would get when it's released.

If I'm honest, it nearly put me off of writing the next part of the story.

The thing that changed my mind on that was hearing just how much people loved the characters I had created. The nonbinary siren, Satara, being a particular favourite. I was proud that people took Snow, who is transgender, to their hearts too. It gave me the confidence to take the story that was in my head and put the words down where people could, and hopefully would, read them.

This story takes place shortly after the action in the second book but, instead of just rehashing the action from that, I've taken a look at the aftermath it left behind. I've taken care to tackle the mental health scars that it left the main characters to deal with. I've also been able to write more of their backstories, to flesh them out, to make them feel more alive than before, and I'm proud of that.

Hopefully, fans of the first two books will find just as much to love in this, the third entry in the series.

I listen to a lot of music when I write. It's my way of calming my mind enough to be able to write my stories but also to get in to the mindset of the characters and situations that I put them in.

While writing the first Mother, Dearest book, I found myself unable to write unless I had my music on and that lead to a lot of my ideas for the characters being inspired by the songs. You really can find inspiration everywhere you look.

Here are some of the songs that inspired certain characters and scenes but be aware, there are spoilers.

1: Bad Moon Rising by Creedance Clearwater Revival (the opening scene where we see Naz driving the rental car in the rain)

2: Rise like a Phoenix by Conchita Wurst (acted as the defacto theme for when I wrote any scenes with Satara)

3: Rise Up by Andra Day (there's a scene where Naz FINALLY stands up for himself and tells people he is worthy and he is enough, this song really pushed me in to the emotions I needed to write it as authentically as I could)

4: Roi by Bilal Hassani (I had this on repeat while writing the ending scene at the graveside with the bird and the deer)

5: Ever and a Day by AFI (The circus scene where Naz is unsure if it's real or not)

6: Enjoy the Silence by Lacuna Coil (When Naz is at the motel room and thinks he's free for the briefest of moments before THAT voice returns)

7: Be Not So Fearful by A.C. Newman (Jim after the horrific moment at the coffee shop when he blames himself for what happened)

8: Stand my Ground by Within Temptation (When Snow saves Aithling from the creatures in the city / Snow's theme)

9: I Know by Placebo (The song I listened to the most when writing the character of Naz)

10: Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier (I played this one a fair bit when writing Webber, especially when she was second guessing the things that The Family would have her do)

11: Hedonism (Just Because it Feels Good) by Skunk Anansie (This acted almost as the theme for the relationship between Iasion and Kybele)

12: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park (The voice of doubt from Naz when he is introduced to Jim, Satara and the others)

13: GET UP by Shinedown (The words of hope that enter Naz's mind when he realises Satara thinks he's worth more than he has ever felt before)

14: Mad About You by Hooverphonic (The scene where Iasion/Kybele make love to one another after the linking ceremony and after murdering the farmboy)

15: My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy (A song that acts almost like a theme of sorts for Trent when he's using his abilities as an incubus)

16: Bullet With Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins (A track that felt like a call to arms for when I would sit and write the book itself and heavily influenced the atmosphere of the actual story)

17: Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer (Inspired the character of Mother in Mother, Dearest)

18: Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (Inspired the character of Trent)

19: Lucky by Bif Naked (Another one that inspired the world and characters created in Mother, Dearest as well as inspiring the character of Aithling)

I've put together the soundtrack on Spotify so just give Mother, Dearest a search if you want to hear them.

I know, I know. This blog is meant to be about writing and my stories. I know.

But, while my son was on a school trip today, I took the chance to watch a movie called The Girl on the Train. I went in to it blindly, as I'd not read the novel that it's based on, and bought it because I'm a huge Emily Blunt fan. I didn't have any expectations other than to be entertained for a couple of hours.

I got something completely different. Instead of it being a mindless thriller with cookie cutter characters, I watched a multi-layered movie with a brilliantly nuanced performance by Blunt. She was equal parts unhinged and incredibly sympathetic. I truly felt protective of the character at times too.

There were some great twists and turns too but, because of the slow pacing, it didn't fall in to the thriller trap of throwing all the twists out there at the same time. Instead, it gave time to let each and every one mean something. I appreciated that.

All in all, a fantastic movie. A definite 8/10 for me and one I'll be watching again. It really stayed with me after I watched it.

I was asked a good question yesterday. A person reading Mother, Dearest asked me why I not only included so many LGBTQ+ characters in it but also why I had specifically made the character of Satara nonbinary.

It made me think. It was a good question after all. They meant it in a nice way, as they were enjoying the character a lot. In fact, they even said it was nice to see a nonbinary character in a dark urban fantasy setting. It still left me wondering about something. Why were they so surprised that I had such a character?

Well, my friends, that is a question that can be rather easily answered. It sounds like it's going to be a rant but the answer boils down to one, simple thing. LGBTQ+ representation of any kind, is seen as surprising because it's not put forward as much by authors/publishers as straight representation.

When publishers do put out stories with LGBTQ+ characters in, it can sometimes feel like they are doing it to tick boxes, to give themselves a pat on the back. That, as both a reader and an author, annoys me no end. It makes the LGBTQ+ community seem almost like a gimmick for them to put out to sell books.

Satara, who is a siren in both the Mother, Dearest books, is nonbinary and deliberately presents themselves however they want in the book. In one scene, they're in clothing that would typically be described by writers as being feminine, other scenes in clothes that writers may describe as masculine. I love how the character straddles that line. They are neither, they wear what they want and present how they want. There is no ulterior motive to the way they dress. They chose things that they want to wear. Simple as that. It's the same with their personality. Yes, they can put themselves forward as camp, funny, sometimes feminine/sometimes masculine, sometimes scared, sometimes brave. I wanted them to be a character with multiple layers and I hope that I have achieved that with my writing. I wanted them to be funny and sometimes, at the wrong moments, be rather inappropriate with some of their quips. I deliberately wanted them to put forward that they are this brash, loud character but with a mountain of insecurities.

The selfish reason I did this was the simple fact that I, as someone who identifies as a nonbinary pansexual, I rarely saw anyone like that in books and when I did, the writers wrote them in such a way that that's all they were but with no personality. I hated that. Every person, regardless of their orientation/how they present/race etc have their own personalities. So, Satara's personality is one that is simply a person trying to get on with the world. They have secrets. They have abilities. They have flaws.

It's the same with my other characters. Naz is the complete polar opposite. They're crippled with self doubt, they were forced to hide their sexuality whereas Satara is out and proud of theirs.

I hope, to a selfish degree, that the people that have read my work, enjoy the characters I create as much as I enjoy creating them.

Love you all, keep safe.

Pat

It's slightly more than half way through Pride Month and it's made me start thinking about my own story. My story about how I came out, how I became more confident in myself and how I identify.

I've always identified and put myself forward as nonbinary and pansexual but I've also been very private about it for years. There's always been a lot of stigma around not being straight. There's always been a lot of stigma around not identifying as the stereotypical man or woman. I hate that.

So recently, I've been putting it out there a lot more often. I've been adding that I am an LGBTQ+ writer to my posts on my social media. I've been talking about how I identify more often on my personal social media too. It has felt like a more confident me and that, that I like.

What I haven't liked is the fresh torrent of homophobia I get. It seems to be the more I talk about it, the more abuse I get. It's an effort, I feel, to get LGBTQ+ creators to stay behind the curtain, so to speak. I'm not going to be doing that. Quite the opposite.

Someone on Twitter described Mother, Dearest and The Man Who Died Twice, as "gay shit with magic" and, at first, I was offended. Then I started thinking more about that. I'm an LGBTQ+ writer. So, yes, I do have LGBTQ+ characters and I am proud of that. I'm also proud of someone thinking that describing my work as "gay shit with magic" was an insult whereas I have turned it around in to being a compliment. I put out an advert with that quote and it brought LGBTQ+ readers and allies to my books. I'm thankful for that. I've had the most supportive of messages, some wonderful reviews and even made some amazing friends from the whole thing.

So, be yourself. Love who you want to love. Identify how you want to. Just be you and be proud.

I've recently gone through both Mother, Dearest and The Man Who Died Twice, and given them a bit of a tidy up.

They have fancy new covers, tighter editing, and flow much better now.

Of the two, I'm the most proud of The Man Who Died Twice. I really did put my heart and soul in to the book and think that it shows my growth as an author.

I did include a content warning page in The Man Who Died Twice too. There's scenes of a suicide attempt, of mental abuse/mental health issues and of homophobia/racism.

I put the CW, for the simple fact, that it's common courtesy to do so. Things can upset people to varying degrees and I, as a writer, want people to find my work and enjoy it. If the CW means they put the book down, because they know some of the scenes will upset them, then I am okay with that. It just shows that it's never them a fair chance to know what they're about to read.

I also included some phoneline numbers. That way, if anyone was affected by things in the book, or in real life, then they have a number they can call for advice. The scenes of the mental health of the main character are tough to read. They're based on my own issues that I have gone through myself. By reading them, I actually hope that it will show people that they can manage anything that they set their minds to.

The Man Who Died Twice is also dedicated to the memory of my brother-in-law Dean, who sadly passed away on Wednesday 12th May. I'll miss him but hope he's looking down and grinning that dopy grin of his.

Love you all.

In the space of three books, I've written some very different characters. I like to think that they are all very distinct from one another and all have their own flaws and differences.

For this blog entry, I'm going to write about a character from Time to Burn, my second novel.

I wrote the novel alongside my partner Golda Evans. We both share a massive love of science fiction but have also had to deal with a lot of death in our lives. So, together, we wanted to write a novel that combined both but in a way that the reader could both be gripped by but also understand the feelings behind it.

That's where Major Luke Reiber came in. He is a character that has lost everything dear to him during a war with a savage alien race lead by a mysterious figure that may or may not be connected to Reiber and his team in some way.

The war has cost him his place in the military. His home and even his family, who have all died at the hands of the savage alien race known as the Deamhan. He embarks on experiments to try to jump some of the timelines created by the war and the alien technology but to no avail.

That's when a friend from his past turns up with a way to travel back in time and change the timelines themselves but warns of consequences. Will Reiber take the risk to get the people back that he has lost?

The thing about this story was that we didn't want to write a stereotypical bad guys vs good guys action story, as that sort of tale bores us. Instead, we aimed for one that combines action with a sense of mystery but also tackles the feeling of grief that threatens to overwhelm Reiber at times. We really wanted to show just how much of a mental toll it's taken on him. We wanted to show Reiber at his most energetic times but also at his lowest times too in an effort to show just how encompassing grief can be.

We wanted Reiber to be someone that the reader could show empathy to. We didn't want him to be some perfect action hero who was sad in one scene but then flying in to action in the next.

Hopefully it comes across that every person in the story is dealing with their own loss, their own issues, but in their own way. That none of the characters are perfect or fully together mentally. That they are all struggling with the things that they have suffered, that they have seen.

If you've read Time to Burn, what did you think of the book?

Drop a comment below and let me know!

As you know, 'The Man Who Died Twice' is the second book in the 'Mother, Dearest' series.

It's available now from Etsy, Amazon and Smashwords so I figured, as we have all had a tough year, I'd put it on special offer on the Smashwords site.

With Naz's journey starting in book one, you'll want to pick this one up to see where he ends up!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...

Use the code ZQ35M to get the discount at the checkout.

Be safe, be kind, be saucy.

I thought it would be quite cool to introduce you to some of my characters but to also explain why I've chosen to write them that way.

I suppose I should start with one of my favourite characters in the shape of Naz from 'Mother, Dearest', which was my debut novel.

Naz is a deeply flawed but well meaning character. He has grown up in a horribly abusive family that would mock his sexual orientation and his mental health issues. When his mother dies, he begins to wonder why he isn't grieving like some of his relatives seemingly are.

All of this leads to his mental health deteriorating. His panic attacks get worse. Black outs start to come more often and he even begins to start to see things that may or may not be there. This kicks off his journey in 'Mother, Dearest', when he is given a note after an attack inviting him to a place that will change how he sees the world around.

Naz is a character that is very dear to my heart and, I suppose, one that I am deeply protective of. I wrote him in a very specific way and that was intentional. I have mental health issues myself, including panic attacks, and I wanted to put that in to the story itself as a way of saying that they can happen to anyone but that it doesn't mean that the person is weak if it does. I also tried to include the fact that any little thing can cause them. A smell, a sound, a memory. I wanted his attacks to be as authentic as possible. Mine aren't anywhere near as bad as they were but I wanted to include the feelings of loneliness, uselessness and even self loathing that sometimes came with them.

I also, while growing up, didn't get the chance to read a lot of stories with characters that were under the LGBTQ+ banner. This meant that, for years, I was never sure if I was 'normal' and if I felt was okay. Don't get me wrong, I didn't come from a homophobic background or anything like that but the lack of representation was something that was lacking. Even when I did find books with such a character then they were nearly always the gay best friend stock character that would be there to take the main character shopping or to be the comic relief. I didn't want that for my characters so I wrote Naz as a gay character but in such a way that he was the mirror image of another of my characters Satara. Naz was the quiet, shy and unsure of himself one, much like I was and still am not to a lesser degree. Satara is the loud, brash, camp, confident person that I wish I could be. The one that's sharp as a tack and has a retort for every situation.

It took a lot for me to get Naz, as a character, on to the page. Part of that was because of the simple fact that, even today, I second guessed myself and wondered if people would want to read a character that identified in a similar way to me. Another part of that was the simple fact that there is so much rampant homophobia in the world, and especially on social media where they can do so anonymously and seemingly with no consequence, that I was scared that I would get the equivalent of being tarred and feathered for having such a character, or rather set of characters.

I needn't have worried about the first one at all. People have really taken the characters to heart and I have had some wonderful comments and reviews.

The second, however, did come to fruition. There was a lot of homophobic abuse hurled my way via social media. It got to the point where I actually considered not writing the follow up. It really did. But after a stern talking to from my partner Golda and one of my favourite authors in the shape of Barbara Avon, I went ahead with the second book in the series, continuing Naz's story.

All in all, it's been a tough ride but worth it and I truly hope you love the characters as much as I do.

I'll be back soon with another look at a different character of mine.

Be safe, be kind, be saucy.

Love you all.

Pat

Mother, Dearest

I've found that during lock down that my urge to write comes and goes. The best way to describe it would be that it's a bit like running out in to the snow to play then the next day, you go out to do the same and the snow has melted.

I know that being a full-time carer to my son does take a lot of my time and I'm completely okay with that because I just want him safe and happy.

Yet when I get the urge to write, this time on the follow-up to 'Mother, Dearest' that's called 'The Man Who Died Twice', it's like I can't stop. I'm already flown past page 200 and past the 50,000 word target I set for the end of the month. I'm proud of that. Granted this first draft will take a lot of editing, they always do, but it's great to see the progress I've made on it as it grows in front of me.

But then, as quick as the urge comes, it's gone again and I find myself unable to write for days and even weeks. It's rather strange but let's be honest. It's a strange time we're in isn't it?

I hope I find you all well and in high spirits.

Are any of you reading any good books in lockdown?

I'm currently reading Flighty by H.D.A. Pratt and am quite enjoying it. It has a lovely, innocent quality to the writing.

Stay saucy, stay kind.

Pat