E.R. Harding's Blog
June 8, 2017
Don't Shout!
It’s part of our New World Order that we feel we must share everything; events, news, politics and photos of roadside flowers, pets and babies amongst a million other things. Not, as in past decades, with a few friends or family members, but potentially with thousands or even millions of people.
A lot of us, or the smart ones anyway, feel very strongly about things that might be seen as controversial. Most of us have views about religion, politics and the environment, among many other things, and we understand perfectly well that a great many people disagree with us at a fundamental level.
I listen attentively to world affairs every morning on the radio, and I see a great deal more detail later in the day when I look at my social feeds, and thus my opinions are formed. They seem perfectly sensible to me; I think I have a logical outlook, so how can anyone possibly disagree with me? Surely the answer must be that they’re stupid, misguided or deluded!
And that’s where it all goes wrong. Logic dictates that my own views, no matter how much sense they make to me, must be subjective. For example, I have certain ideas regarding compassion towards the vulnerable that make me a sitting duck for people fortunate enough to see the world from a more elevated viewpoint. My thoughts make perfect sense to me, but of course they would, wouldn’t they?!
It’s my belief that shouting out your opinions and abusing those who disagree is counter-productive at best, and actively damages the cause you’re trying to promote, at worst. It may be very pleasant to get a little anger out of one’s system and have a rant at a faceless person whom you’ll almost certainly never meet, but you won’t convert him to your point of view. In fact you’ll probably crystallise your verbal opponent’s standpoint even more by forcing him to defend it. Worse yet, you can be labelled a ‘hater’ and others will flock to your opponent’s cause, just because you appear to be a nasty piece of work.
There’s a tried and tested way to bring people round to your way of thinking, but it’s slow, it requires tact and patience, and actually it rarely works in the end, but the steps are simple enough to follow.
1. Be nice.
2. Empathise with your opponent. Try to see why they have their ridiculous view in the first place. Is it because of their upbringing or their social group? You can’t change that, but you might be able to soften it a bit.
3. Imagine that you agree with them. This bit’s hard, particularly if it’s a subject that really gets your blood boiling, but it’ll do you a power of good in the long run. You’re betraying no-one by seeing others’ points of view, and it all helps to build your own character!
4. Then, gently suggest that there may be another approach, view or theory. If it gets blown out of the water, and the chances are it will be, don’t shout. Wait. Be nice, and try again later. Persuasion is always, always going to be more effective than aggression.
5. If that doesn’t work, you’ll still have made your point; you’ll look good to anyone else reading your words, and you’ll have the warm and fluffy feeling that at least you're a civilised human being, not a thug!
A lot of us, or the smart ones anyway, feel very strongly about things that might be seen as controversial. Most of us have views about religion, politics and the environment, among many other things, and we understand perfectly well that a great many people disagree with us at a fundamental level.
I listen attentively to world affairs every morning on the radio, and I see a great deal more detail later in the day when I look at my social feeds, and thus my opinions are formed. They seem perfectly sensible to me; I think I have a logical outlook, so how can anyone possibly disagree with me? Surely the answer must be that they’re stupid, misguided or deluded!
And that’s where it all goes wrong. Logic dictates that my own views, no matter how much sense they make to me, must be subjective. For example, I have certain ideas regarding compassion towards the vulnerable that make me a sitting duck for people fortunate enough to see the world from a more elevated viewpoint. My thoughts make perfect sense to me, but of course they would, wouldn’t they?!
It’s my belief that shouting out your opinions and abusing those who disagree is counter-productive at best, and actively damages the cause you’re trying to promote, at worst. It may be very pleasant to get a little anger out of one’s system and have a rant at a faceless person whom you’ll almost certainly never meet, but you won’t convert him to your point of view. In fact you’ll probably crystallise your verbal opponent’s standpoint even more by forcing him to defend it. Worse yet, you can be labelled a ‘hater’ and others will flock to your opponent’s cause, just because you appear to be a nasty piece of work.
There’s a tried and tested way to bring people round to your way of thinking, but it’s slow, it requires tact and patience, and actually it rarely works in the end, but the steps are simple enough to follow.
1. Be nice.
2. Empathise with your opponent. Try to see why they have their ridiculous view in the first place. Is it because of their upbringing or their social group? You can’t change that, but you might be able to soften it a bit.
3. Imagine that you agree with them. This bit’s hard, particularly if it’s a subject that really gets your blood boiling, but it’ll do you a power of good in the long run. You’re betraying no-one by seeing others’ points of view, and it all helps to build your own character!
4. Then, gently suggest that there may be another approach, view or theory. If it gets blown out of the water, and the chances are it will be, don’t shout. Wait. Be nice, and try again later. Persuasion is always, always going to be more effective than aggression.
5. If that doesn’t work, you’ll still have made your point; you’ll look good to anyone else reading your words, and you’ll have the warm and fluffy feeling that at least you're a civilised human being, not a thug!
