Deb Purdy's Blog

You deserve to be happy.   
 
Sadly, the aftermath of divorce is very likely a huge drain on your current capacity for happiness.  
 
That’s normal and expected. But did you know there are pockets of bliss to be had even during this challenging time? You don’t have to put off happiness until “someday” when this is all over.  
 
You can give yourself feel-good moments on the regular, even as you navigate the struggles of divorce recovery. Eventually, your periods of peace, contentment, and happiness will expand and multiply as you move through and past your recovery.  
 
What’s the secret, you ask?
 
Great question! Job one is deciding to prioritize yourself. Declare to yourself that you’re worth the time and effort it takes to feel good. Choose to show up for yourself by taking proactive steps to take exquisite care of YOU.   I’ve broken it down into four self-supporting categories:  
 
Self-Care: This is being intentional about getting enough sleep, regular exercise and eating healthy food. It’s doing the things that keep your body happy, which gives you a solid foundation for emotional wellbeing. It’s also asking for help when you need it and taking actions that support your healing, such as spending time with a compassionate friend and working with a coach or therapist.  
 
Self-Comfort: This is healthy self-soothing and includes activities you find deeply comforting. What comforts one person can leave someone else cold but, to give you an idea, I’ll share a few of the things I did: I made comfort foods like my grandma’s chicken soup recipe, treated myself to fresh flowers every week, cuddled my cat, watched reruns of The Office for a laugh, read old favorite books, and I even bought myself a good-sized teddy bear to hug as I fell asleep. Think about what comforts you.  
 
Self-Bliss: This is an essential (and fun!) part of the self-support mix. It means doing things that give you pleasure. For my client Kathy this is arts and crafts projects, potluck movie nights with friends, her local botanical garden and trolling flea markets. Think about where you like to go, who you enjoy being with and what you like to do, and commit to regularly scheduled “just for fun” activities.  
 
Self-Prizing: This is recognizing that you’re experiencing one of life’s biggest challenges and acknowledging yourself for doing the best you can. It’s expressing love and gratitude to yourself for all you’ve done to make it this far and all you’re going to do to rebuild your life. It’s speaking lovingly and kindly to yourself. Start by putting your hand over your heart and saying, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”  
 
Resistance is Optional You may be feeling resistance to the notion of self-nurturing. Chances are you think you’re too busy or too stressed. Or you don’t want to be “selfish,” the self-imposed eighth deadly sin. We’re used to putting others’ needs before our own. The fact is, if you’re like most, you’ve been neglecting yourself terribly.  
 
Taking exquisite care of yourself is a life skill that’s worth developing. We’ve all read about the effects of chronic stress on the body, mind and spirit—self-nurturing is a powerful way to acknowledge to yourself that your health, wellbeing and happiness are essential priorities.  
 
A Fun & Easy Self-Support Tool for You!
 
To help you out, I created an easy tool to capture your thoughts and ideas for putting exquisite self-care into action:
 
Self-Support & Care PDF
 
You deserve your own love, kindness, compassion and care!
 
Helpful Resources:

Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)


Join my new Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

Visit www.DebPurdy.com for more information.
 


Join the conversation on social media:


Instagram: @lovedebpurdy


Facebook Group: Thrive After Divorce Facebook Group

The post Are You Taking Exquisite Care of Yourself? If Not, You Could Be Happier (*Especially Important After Divorce*) appeared first on Deb Purdy.

Dear Deb: My ex wants us to get together with our adult children for the holidays like we are all a happy family. He had multiple affairs, and we finally divorced after 32 years. I am not comfortable being with my ex. How do I proceed?

Dear Uncomfortable:

The holidays are notorious emotional triggers, bringing up and amplifying unresolved anger, grief and sadness. Some Exes can mix and mingle during this time, but many would rather eat paste. That’s OK. There’s no right or wrong. It’s all about what feels right for you.

The fact that you’re not comfortable being around your Ex says it all. You don’t have to force yourself to play out the “one big happy family” scene. Period. Full stop.

Here are some things to consider:

Talk to your kids: Sitting down with your kids and letting them know how you feel will help create a holiday everyone can enjoy. I suggest you kindly let your kids know that you’re setting boundaries, and this is one of them. Without going into the story of why, let them know you are choosing not to be around your Ex. You don’t need to explain or justify your feelings. Work with your kids to plan a separate gathering to celebrate.

Don’t overshare: Remember to focus on your relationship with your kids and not on your Ex and why you’re in this situation. Avoid venting to your children about your Ex, which puts them in a no-win position and can have long-lasting adverse effects on your relationship with them. Save that for your coach, therapist, or best friend.

Stay Flexible: Accept that because of schedules, your time with your kids might not be on the milestone days or dates dictated by past traditions. Adult children have their own considerations, especially if they’re factoring in in-laws. You’ll be more likely to spend meaningful moments with your children if you take the time to address their needs and respond to them with flexibility.

Practice Self-Care: This is difficult. You deserve your own love and care as you navigate your post-divorce holidays. Be exceedingly kind and gentle with yourself. Buy yourself a holiday gift, get a massage, plan something fun with friends . . . whatever makes you feel good. Taking active steps to create moments of joy for yourself will give you a feeling of power over your holidays.

Breathe: Remember, it will get easier with time.

Side note! Whether or not you EVER decide to co-share a holiday with your Ex and your kids, you owe it to yourself to continue to work through and eventually release your anger over his years of cheating. While it’s completely justified and understandable, you don’t want to carry it with you for life. Letting go of your anger doesn’t condone what he did. Instead, it frees you from being emotionally stuck to it.


Have a “DearDeb” question? Please fill out this short, two-minute survey and include the question you want me to address. 2-minute survey

 

Helpful Resources:

Grab a copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive!

Join my new Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!Visit www.DebPurdy.com for more information.Join the conversation on social media:Instagram: @lovedebpurdyFacebook Group: Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group

The post My ex, my adult kids and me celebrating the holiday together? I say, “no way,” but he’s pushing for it. appeared first on Deb Purdy.

What you think about your divorce has more bearing on how quickly and how thoroughly you recover, heal and thrive than anything else. You can take your power back by making the decision to use your divorce experience to change your life for the better.

Tune into my interview from the “Thriving After Divorce Summit” to get practical info on how to make this critical mind shift. Highlights include:

:08 Reinventing Divorce
3:41 The Big Lie About Marriage & Divorce
5:42 The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do to Go from Hopeless to Hopeful to Happy
8:16 Become the Hero of Your Story!
10:00 How to Release Negative Feelings You Picked Up About Yourself from Your Ex
12:40 Getting in Touch with Self Love

Helpful Resources:

 Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

The post Thriving After Divorce by Changing Your Mindset—Video Interview appeared first on Deb Purdy.

News of the nastiness we humans inflict on each other can leave you feeling heartbroken and powerless to impact what feels like a world gone mad. What can you do? While you and I may not be able to solve these overwhelming issues, we do control our own personal impact on the world.

It’s time to double down on being kind. Doing all you can individually to bring a little light to those you touch in your daily travels makes a more significant difference than you know. 

Mr. Rogers had it right when he said, “If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

If You Want to Be Happy, Be Kind

A new analysis of decades of research shows that we are healthier and happier when we are kind to others. Researchers analyzed the results from 126 research articles looking at almost 200,000 participants worldwide. The studies measured well-being in various ways, including mental and physical health. 

They found that kind people tended to have higher well-being, higher self-esteem, and a sense of self-efficacy. They also experienced less depression and anxiety and improved physical health.

Kindness is Contagious

The happiness people derive from giving to others creates a positive feedback loop: The positive feelings inspire further generosity—which, in turn, fuels greater happiness. And research suggests that kindness is truly contagious: Those who witness or benefit from others’ acts of kindness are more likely to be kind themselves; a single act of kindness spreads from person to person to person to person.

But, just because we have the capacity for kindness, and reap real benefits from it, doesn’t mean that we always act with kindness. We may be too busy, distracted, or wrapped up in our own concerns to seek out opportunities to be proactively kind. Or, we’re just out of practice. Kindness is like a muscle that will strengthen through repeated use until it becomes your default impulse.

Cultivating Kindness

Here are a few easy ways you can build your kindness muscle:

1. Listen when someone is talking to you without looking at your cell phone. Focused attention is a lost art and makes the other person feel genuinely seen and heard.
2. Clean up after yourself in public spaces.
3. Smile at people.
4. Be polite on the road—even with less-than-polite fellow drivers. We’ve all inadvertently cut someone off—give other drivers the benefit of the doubt.
5. Hold the door open for the person coming up behind you.
6. Notice what’s working and make a point of mentioning it to the person responsible.
7. Write thank-you notes to people who positively impact your life.
8. Give grace to those who fall below your standards in any way by remembering a time (or two!) when you stumbled.
9. Ask if you can help the next time you see someone who looks down, frustrated or overwhelmed.
10. Assume the best about someone unless proven otherwise, and act accordingly.

Go out of your way to treat everyone in your path the way you want to be treated, the way you want your child, your mother, and your dog to be treated–as valuable beings who matter. 

And, don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too!

Helpful Resources:

Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)
Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!
Sign up on my website and get two free gifts!

The post Kind is the New Happy appeared first on Deb Purdy.

Not surprisingly, smart dating after divorce requires a new approach. One that is reflective and thoughtful in a different way than you may have been before. It’s time to milk your marriage and divorce for information and take lessons from your experiences to make choices that work better for you. Sure, you can cast your net hoping for a good match based on chemistry. (How has that worked for you?) Or, you can seek to discern true compatibility on a deeper and more intentional level which also includes, but is not solely dependent on, chemistry.

While the right “timing” to start dating after divorce varies wildly by individual, thinking through these three things before wading back into the dating pool can make all the difference in the success of your next relationship:

Decide  WHAT  You Want

Are you ready to embark on your next long-term relationship with an eye toward remarriage, or do you simply want to find a dating buddy for some no-commitment fun? And, if you are ready for your next relationship adventure, what’s your vision of an ideal partnership? It’s worth taking some time to get clear on what you want and put words to it. While no relationship will be perfect, you have a much greater chance of matching up with a like-minded person if you can articulate your relationship goals.

Make a list of your relationship “top five” to help you hone in on and name what’s most important to you. For example:

1. We laugh every day and we are playful together
2. We balance time together with our individual interests
3. We’re very affectionate and enjoy a fantastic sex life
4. We both love to entertain and play host to friends and family
5. We share an interest in having adventures and staying healthy, fit and active

 Make sure your top five focus on what you want, not what you don’t. You would say, “We’re both loyal, honest and true to each other,” instead of “Neither of us would ever cheat.”

When you meet someone with potential, ask that person to share their top five. This is worth doing to find out if your relationship wants and values are a fit. Remember, you don’t have to align perfectly. Just explore and discover if your goals are compatible and interesting to each other. 

Decide WHO Y ou Want

Like many of us, you may have chosen your Ex based on chemistry, physical attraction, and the excitement that’s present in the initial stages of romance when everything feels amazing. Now, you know from experience that those things alone are not enough to create a wonderful and lasting relationship (this information is a gift). Use the knowledge you’ve gained to consider what qualities are important to you for the long haul.

I suggest making a list of relationship re­quirements for next time. The list should include your “non-negotiables,” which are a handful of qualities that must be present in your next partner. This isn’t meant to be an impossible standard that no mere mortal can live up to. Instead, it’s a thoughtful examination of what qualities are most important to you, so you can recognize them when you see them and when you don’t.

To be clear, this isn’t about physical characteristics but rather about character. For example, a sense of humor, kindness, and integrity might be on your list of “must haves.” Also include the “nice to haves” such as mutual interest in learning new things, ballroom dancing or traveling. Again, you’re not going to find a perfect fit but, for example, knowing that dependability is one of your non-negotiables will help you weed out those who flake out on plans or do a disappearing act when you need emotional support.

Decide Who  YOU  Want to Be

Don’t wait to get into a relationship to live your best life. Be the kind of person that you’re looking for. The more you take care of yourself and become self-fulfilled, the more people will want to be with you.

—Make sure you’ve taken time to heal from your past relationship. That means it’s not first and foremost in your mind most of the time. You’ve forgiven yourself and your Ex, you recognize your role in what went wrong, and you are learning from it. You’ve let go of the anger and bitterness so you can be fully present for your next partner.

—Make a list of your relationship assets—that is everything you are looking forward to giving, contributing, and sharing with your next partner. This can include everything from your comforting bear hugs to your ability to listen without judgment to your famous BBQ chicken.

—Love yourself and get comfortable in your own company. It’s much better to be moving toward something you want rather than trying to get away from being alone. You choose from a much higher level when you aren’t trying to fill a gap in your life with a warm body.

If dating and finding love is your next big adventure, relax and have fun with it!

Helpful Resources:

Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)
Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!
Sign up on my website and get two free gifts!

The post Dating Smart After Divorce appeared first on Deb Purdy.

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that there are no guarantees. 

If we’re honest, our divorces taught us that too.

Even as you get your life back on track after these major derailments, you may find yourself falling back into letting the time fly by in “default” mode:

Reacting to what’s right in front of you rather than proactively creating what you really want
Sticking to your routines, even if you’re not particu­larly happy with them

Maybe you’re staying in a soul-sucking job. Or you’re spending your downtime binge-watching mediocre TV and falling down the internet rabbit hole. Or, you’re hanging out with people who bring you down instead of lifting you up.

And the days go by. . .

It’s Never Too Late to Wake Up

When it became clear that my 89-year-old grandmother had only days left to live, I had one of those life-altering epiphanies. The reality hit that I, too, have a set number of days. Far from depressing or alarming, this insight woke me up. It inspired me to stop treating a normal day with all the excitement of finding a penny on the side­walk.

The stakes are higher when you acknowledge the limit to your days on earth. If you let it, this awakening can bring a greater sense of fearless­ness and freedom. Who cares what other people think? So what if I fall flat on my face? What have I always wanted to do? What do I want to stop doing?

Ask yourself, am I “spending” my one precious life in a way that has meaning and brings me joy? Spend is the operative word here.

Time is the Ultimate Currency

Like our money, our time is ours to waste, spend or invest. And, like our money, we can purposefully invest our time to increase our ROJ (return on joy). Where you invest your time depends on what’s most important to you:

Invest in Happiness—You owe it to yourself to do more of what you love doing. Having adventures, doing things “just for fun,” and spending time with inspiring people directly affect your enjoyment of life. What do you love doing but don’t do often enough? What new things are you itching to try? How much of your time do you want to spend having fun?

Invest in Wellness—Investing in your mental, emotional and physical health pays life-long dividends. Exercising, eating a healthy diet, and taking time for quiet reflection and meditation are proven strategies to increase the length and quality of your life. So is self-care—proactively nurturing yourself with things that you enjoy and feel good such as massage, hot baths, a good book, walks in nature, or whatever fosters your sense of wellbeing. 

Invest in Divorce Recovery—Set your intention and do the work. Recover, learn about yourself and grow into the best version of yourself you can be. Your divorce knocked your life off its tracks. This is your big do-over. Use it as a catalyst to reinvent your life the way you always wanted it.

Invest in Relationships—We are wired for connection with other humans. In the end, your relationships with people are the most important factor in your wellbeing. Investing time in relationships strengthens and deepens them. Any type of contact counts but a call or visit with a friend is more impactful and satisfying than a Facebook interaction. And, don’t discount casual encounters with strangers—showing up as friendly and kind throughout your day-to-day activities can create nice micro connections that make your day. 

Invest in Giving Back—Whether you bring food to a sick friend or lend a hand to a good cause, giving back is beneficial—and not just for the recipients. Volunteering strengthens communities, brings people together, and provides valuable experience and insight. A Gallup survey found that most volunteers do it because they like the feeling of helping others. Time helping others illuminates your own life. 

Invest in Your Dreams—If your life was exactly the way you wanted it, what would it look like? It’s worth thinking about what you want for yourself and then making a proactive plan to get it. Whether it’s planning a dream vacation, learning to paint, starting your own business or writing a book, you can do it. You just need to make a plan and start.

When you wake up, say to yourself, “This is one of my precious days!” Your life deserves your attention.

Helpful Resources:

Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)
Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!
Sign up on my website and get two free gifts!

The post Are You Wasting Precious Time? appeared first on Deb Purdy.

Dear Deb:
I moved out two months ago, and I just ran into my Ex out with someone else. This really hurts. Why is it so much easier and faster for men to move on?

Dear Hurt Friend:
From the outside, it certainly “looks” easy for those men who jump into new relationships before the bedsheets are cold. While not all men do this, and some women do it too, men are more likely to relationship hop. You could easily believe this means he’s completely moved on. Not true. When men invest emotionally in relationships, their feelings run as deeply as yours.

Why the difference post-breakup?

Women are socialized to express their feelings of loss, grief, and sadness in ways not taught to men because of societally imposed expectations of masculinity.

On top of that, women often have broader and more emotionally profound support networks than men, and they are more likely to seek support from a coach or therapist. Generally speaking, women’s ability to ask for help and use emotional coping skills makes them better able to process emotions and recover—but it takes time.

Those without the skills to deal with the messy and intense emotions that come with divorce rush to contain them by filling the vacuum with a warm body. In essence, a man who immediately begins a new relationship is using it as a coping mechanism that allows him to step back into the acceptable space of being the tough, stoic guy he’s “supposed” to be. He’s suppressed and compartmentalized his emotions instead of doing the painful work of healing them.

Put the Focus on You

It’s normal and expected that seeing him with someone else would really hurt. The most important thing you can do now is to continue to focus on your recovery. Remember, this isn’t about him. It’s about honoring and loving yourself by doing whatever is necessary to heal and move on.

Read the books, get the support (coaching/therapy), join the groups—whatever it takes—to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And remember to be gentle and loving with yourself as you come to terms with this unwelcome discovery.

On another note—The new beau is getting someone who hasn’t taken the time to heal from the past relationship and learn from it before “moving on” (that’s a huge relationship red flag).

For future reference—If and when you start dating, seek a partner who possesses the emotional intelligence necessary to do the work to process their emotions and heal before jumping into something new.  Asking questions like, “What are some of the things you did that helped you get over your divorce?” or “What are some of the things you learned from your past relationship?” will help you identify one!

Have a “DearDeb” question? Please fill out this short, two-minute survey and include the question you want me to address. 2-minute survey

Helpful Resources:

Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

The post Why is it so much easier and faster for men to move on? appeared first on Deb Purdy.

When it comes to forgiving your Ex, you may be resisting because you think it lets them off the hook. In this episode, I bust the four most common forgiveness myths and give you the best reason to consider forgiving your Ex— NOT FOR THEM! — but for your peace of mind and future happiness. Forgiving your Ex gets them out of your head for good. To learn more, listen here!:   Podcast Episode 4: The Truth About Forgiving Your Ex

Other ways to listen:
Google Podcasts

Spotify

Apple Podcasts

Helpful Resources:

Don’t miss my free masterclass! Register for Winning at Divorce Recovery: 3 Keys to Move from Heartbreak to Acceptance to Thriving and put yourself on the path to healing and thriving after divorce!Get a free copy of my top-selling book  Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

The post Welcome to Episode 4 of the Ready, Set, Grow! Divorce Recovery Podcast appeared first on Deb Purdy.

Listen in on the conversation when I chat with divorce attorney Raiford Palmer, author of I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money, and Minds, about the issues our clients face and our best advice for getting through divorce with your sanity and humanity intact!

View Our Conversation Video​ Here

​​​Here are some highlights:
​
​1:33 Destigmatizing Divorce
​3:33 Making the decision to leave
​5:45 Deb’s Story
​7:39 Raif’s Story
​10:09 Changing from I failed to I learned
​11:41 Breaking out of the victim mentality
​13:53 Don’t reject the whole marriage
​15:36 Crossing the emotional bridge
​18:02 Processing Anger
​19:10 Swapping fear for information
​20:10 Divorce recovery mistakes
​23:50 Your attorney works for you
​25:56 Settlement vs. Trial

Helpful Resources:

 Don’t miss my free masterclass! Register for Winning at Divorce Recovery: 3 Keys to Move from Heartbreak to Acceptance to Thriving and put yourself on the path to healing and thriving after divorce!Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

 

The post A divorce attorney and a divorce coach walk into a bar . . . appeared first on Deb Purdy.

Confidence is your ability to trust in yourself, your judgment and your abilities. It contributes to optimism about the future, willingness to take risks, and the ability to learn from your past — all things that support divorce recovery.

It’s normal to find your self-confidence level on life support in the aftermath of divorce. Fortunately, there are things you can do to reclaim your trust in yourself and boost your self-image. Here’s a simple three-step plan:

Step 1: Look at All You’ve Done

Think back over your life and make a list of all the things you’ve done that contributed to your own good and the good of others. It can be anything, big or small, that made you feel proud or gave you a glow of satisfaction. Maybe you always check in on your elderly neighbor, or last year your boss picked you to lead a team, or when you were 10, you taught yourself how to play the guitar—include all of it. Here are some prompts to get you started:

Ways you bettered yourselfWays you contributed to othersGoals you met/things you’ve accomplishedDifficult things you faced/obstacles you’ve overcomeThings that scared you that you did anywayLives you’ve touched with kindness/times you were “there” for someoneThings you’ve created

Keep the list close by and add to it. When you’re feeling wobbly, pull out the list and use it to remind yourself that you are capable of so much.

Step 2: Take an Inventory of Your Natural Gifts

We all have gifts and talents, things we are great at without even trying. Our own gifts are so effortless that we often take them for granted. When you’re really good at something, you tend to minimize it by assuming that everyone can do it. Not true. Not everyone can do a math problem in their head, soothe an anxious dog, or tell a funny story.

Your gifts point you toward the unique contribution that only you can make to the others around you. By acknowledging them, you can use them intentionally and with joy and gratitude. The more you can use them, the more fun and meaningful your life will become. And the more self-confident you’ll feel.

Think about these statements and how you would complete them:

__________________________has always been easy and effortless for me.

I always known I’m pretty good at__________________________.

Whenever I _______________________, I feel very capable and competent.

____________ puts me in the ‘zone’ where I don’t even notice the passage of time.

Others always tell me I’m good at _____________________________.

If there was an _____________________channel on TV, I could be the host!

I’m so interested in _______________________, I learn about it just for fun.

I’m always the one who gets asked to ___________________because I’m best at it

Next, ask a few close friends and family members what they think your top three gifts are. They are on the receiving end of your talents and may have a perspective you haven’t thought about before.

Make a list of your gifts and keep it where you can see it. Remember, no gift is too small to include. All are worth acknowledging and appreciating. Once you’ve started becoming more aware of your natural abilities, think of ways to use them in your daily life. If you haven’t already, you may even decide to take one of your innate talents to master level through study and practice.

Step 3: Set Small Goals and Complete Them, Repeat

One of the easiest ways to prove to yourself that you can count on yourself is by setting goals and meeting them. Start with easy goals and take the steps you need to achieve them. Schedule lunch with a friend, clean out a shelf in the garage, or eat veggies twice a day for five days straight. Whatever sounds fun and doable is on the table.

Aim for some small achievements that you can tick off a list to help you gain confidence in your ability to get stuff done and keep commitments to yourself. Later, after you’ve had some success, move on to bigger goals.

Start Today
Now that you know what to do, it’s time to get started. Think of practicing confidence-building like you think of exercising to get and keep your body in shape. It’s worth the effort! When you believe in yourself and your abilities, you take smart risks, achieve important goals and develop meaningful relationships with those around you. You’ve got this.

 

Helpful Resources:

Don’t miss my free masterclass! Register for Winning at Divorce Recovery: 3 Keys to Move from Heartbreak to Acceptance to Thriving and put yourself on the path to healing and thriving after divorce!Get a free copy of my top-selling book Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce for tools and insights to recover, heal and thrive! (You just pay for shipping.)Join my Thriving After Divorce Facebook Group!

The post Three-Step Plan to Uplevel Your Self-Confidence After Divorce appeared first on Deb Purdy.