Khushnuma Daruwala's Blog

It’s not me, it’s you [Scroll past Q&A for Chapter excerpt]

Navigate The Ins And Outs Of Online Dating With This Hilarious Novel

To the point: If you are single, you’ve definitely been on at least one coffee date, if not 50. A platonic one-hour meeting to gauge potential marriage material. Delicately sipping cappuccinos both parties try hard to extract apparently valuable information -‘What do you do on weekends?’, ‘Do you cook?’, ‘Do you drink?’, ‘Do you smoke?’ While coffee shops do have their advantages (they are casual, allow for quick exits and provide an unlimited flow of caffeine and sugary treats to soothe frayed nerves), the pitfalls are as obvious. Which is why I recommend a few off-the-beaten-track first date ideas. You could try one or mix n match them, depending on your interests.

Walking Tours

As the name suggests these are (small) group tours of a historical or cultural site often undertaken on foot, with a guide. Unlike a café, here you can see your date engage with the world and the experiences around them. And given the non-interview set up, you can actually converse more freely, beyond the mundane demographics. Hate walking? Opt for an open deck bus tour — the last vestige of the double decker buses that plied across good ol’ Bombay.

Where: Fort heritage walk, Dhobi Ghat tour, Raj Bhavan tour, Chor Bazaar walk, food tasting tour, chai walk (oddly, I haven’t yet come across a coffee walk)

Get Your Game Face On

The number of gaming cafes popping up across the city is on the rise, which is great because nothing breaks ice faster than a board game.

Where: JamJar Diner, Teapot Cafe, Creeda, 70 Beans, Wok This Way, Pair a Dice CafeOver Scrabble, Poker, Taboo or Monopoly, you can catch your date in action, literally. Are they a sore loser? How well can they bluff? What’s their tell? Do they cheat? How competitive are they? Can they spell anything beyond four letter words? How good are they at math? (Usually evident when adding a Triple Letter score with a Double Word Score in Scrabble. How does their math matter? I’m not really sure; it’s just a titbit you can tuck away for later.)

Get Your Game Face On (Decaf version)

A taproom might not sound like the best idea for the first date given the erstwhile dating rules but the new breed of bars offer more than just a guzzle. Board games, foosball, a pool table and even game nights all make for a comfortable, relaxed catch up. Many are open through the day which means an afternoon date over a game of Jenga and beer is always an option. (If your date is a teetotaller, stick to the gaming cafes but carry a hip flask to make your cuppa Irish).

Where: Doolally, Hoppipola, The Irish House, TAP, Eddie’s Bistro, Monkey Bar

Sit down for some stand-up

This recommendation has invariably led to a divided house. While the Taciturn Daters (TDs) happily lap it up, vehemently denying they are taking the easy way out, the Classical Daters (CDs) are clearly not amused. Watching a comedian poke holes in all and sundry when it could have been them doing the same to their dates is an affront to their arranged-dating beliefs.

Both pose valid arguments — ‘You can gauge your date’s sense of humour’ say the TDs. ‘So the comedian is the only one talking on our first date?’ question the sceptical CDs.

In the spirit of democracy and the mystical power of humour to cure all (including bad dates), this stays.

Where: Canvas Laugh Club, Tuning Fork, Barking Deer Brew Pub, Jeff Goldberg Studio, BrewBot, The White Owl Brewery

Khushnuma Daruwala is the author of ’50 Cups Of Coffee’ — a rip roaring and charming account of dating in India. In the book, her protagonist, Dia, manoeuvres the minefield that is arranged dating, thus making Daruwala our guru on all things to do with the mind-boggling world of dating in the Maximum City.

Originally published at whatshot.in .

Learn more — https://goo.gl/GFNjuF

JUNE 6, 2017 BY THE PENGUIN INDIA BLOG

Some take to fishing. Some don’t. It’s as simple as that.

Likewise, with arranged-dating (modern dating expressly for the purpose of finding a spouse). Some thrive on the anticipation of a good catch, while for some (my personal guess is for many) the uncertainty, the awkwardness of a ‘catch and release’ and of course returning empty-handed (again), can be nothing short of a mild coronary.

While my friends and acquaintances invariably fell in the latter anxiety-stricken category they often spoke with wistful resentment of a creature I dubbed as the Overly Enthusiastic Dater [OED].

An effervescent giant ball of sunshine and an energy drink, OEDs apparently don’t exhibit the slightest tremor. In fact they are enthused at the prospect of sharing their hobbies, family composition, occupation, job history and of course the much contentious dietary habits (Veg? Non-veg? Egg? Fish? Wine? Whisky? Smoke?!?) with strangers… again and again and again.

Nerves of steel? Adrenalin junkies? Extreme Extroverts? How do OEDs survive this minefield, not only unscathed but also brimming with enthusiasm?

A few leisurely cuppas and they were spilling the beans. I’m not sure if these ‘skills’ were innate or evolved to protect their tickers, but they do explain the OED’s joie de vivre.

Competition is fierce when it comes to far-out dating stories and every girl wants her slice of sympathy as she narrates the cuckoo-capades to a bunch of wide-eyed happily-married couples. Which is why this OED no longer cringes and prays for Potter’s invisibility cloak but rubs her hands in glee (mentally of course) when she encounters a delusional dude.

Delusional Dude 1: “Hi there, Prepare to be amazed and astounded by me”

OED: Beams like a cat that got the cream

Delusional Dude 2: “I’m into crystal gazing which is why I know there are limited fate portals in the next few years. Yes, yes, we just met but we must marry before the portal shuts”

OED: Beams like a cat that got more cream

This OED won’t waste time researching her date. Instead she scours through a dozen food guides and reviews before she selects the date venue. Tried the Burmese café last time, what next? Isn’t there a new Caramelised Melon Cappuccino in town? How about an experiment in non-judgement at the new ‘dine-in–the-dark’ cafe? Don’t see chappie, don’t judge chappie. He’s not roasted and her taste buds are singing. It’s a win-win.

Dating in the dark doesn’t scare this OED, running out of new eateries does.

This OED is an efficiency machine. She lives by the phrase ‘Location, location, location’. She first browses through her pantry, then through her closet, then her medicine cabinet and finally through the now yellowed piece of paper that was once her to-do list. Flour will run out by Monday? Lycra tops have inexplicably shrunk? Great. Now she plans a weekend date at a café in the mall where she can shop for these.

Some say bumping into your date in the hosiery check-out line right before the date is embarrassing, but she says it’s a chance to practise your poker face and strengthen your peripheral vision (as you surreptitiously glance into his shopping basket).

The last and final OED (that I know of) is nothing but a social butterfly and a chatterbox at heart. Despite the obvious incompatibility she can’t resist buddying up with her fellow date.

“Maybe the problem is you are address women as ‘yo! hot mamma’. If you don’t mind my asking what’s your relationship with your mum like?”

“I must fix you up with Vina. She too adoooores Justin Bieber.”

“….and that’s why I decided to walk away. What’s your perspective as a guy?”

“Where did you buy this black lace shirt? Stitched? Really? What was the cost per metre?”

Having met OEDs in person was quite revealing. They weren’t super women or the other extreme — oddballs. They were simply women who saw beyond ‘Mission Groom’.

Every coffee date wasn’t a do or die situation, a sword hanging over their heads; in fact there was always an upside — be it a good meal, scratching errands off a list or finding a new buddy.

Available in leading stores and E-comm sites —  https://goo.gl/GFNjuF

#CoffeeDates #First dates #DisasterDates #Arranged-Dating #DatingInIndia #Mr. Right #GrromHunt #50CupsOfCoffee