Fatima Koise's Blog

Gender-based violence (GBV) in the workplace, or bullying is a manifestation of the power imbalance between men and women. GBV is sometimes interchangeably used as male chauvinism. GBV in the workplace can take on diverse forms, including:

1-Spreading malicious rumours about an individual or a group2-Making offensive jokes or remarks,3-Socially excluding or isolating an individual

4-Trying to tamper, hide, or destroy with a person’s work equipment or personal belongings,

5-Invading a person’s workplace  or privacy (phone, emal, password etc)

6. Public ridicule or discipline.

10- Misuse of authority, for example Constantly changing work guidelines, suppression information, setting impossible targets or deadlines, setting a person for failure, blocking job applications, leave applications, training, or promotion deliberately,Verbal threats or abuse,

Gender violence has a clear negative impact on the workplace, as it causes absenteeism, low morale, drop in productivity, job insecurity, unmet potentials, spoiling the brand  and misuse of company resources etc. Instead of being passive to the on going menace, organisations must develop strategies to deal with it.

Below are simple tips for dealing with the problem:

1.Implement diversity training in the workplace to create awareness about what is acceptable and what not

2.Ensure an inclusive workplace, where diversity is valued, openness and transparency are embedded into the work culture

3.Ensure equal pay for all irrespective of gender

4.Implement an effective employee feedback system where staff can channel their complaints and issues resolved amicably.

5.Use technology to track abusive relationships e.g.She-Box

6.Introduce men-as allies at the workplace where men are given the task to check for such practices and report to management

7.Ensure that staff found wanting are dealt with to avoid a repeat of such behaviours

8.Implement an employee mentoring system to ensure a positive workplace

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Thanks for your time. If you have other suggestions on how organisations can effectively prevent workplace abuse or eliminate it in total, please feel free to share with us

See you next time

 

 

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Hi there,

When under the threat of a bully, here are a few tips to try out to effectively with the threat.

1.Try to understand your own role in the game-Many times, the bullied individuals unknowingly put forward a persona, a dysfunctionality or fragile nature that the bully easily identifies and tries to quickly engage you in his game. He quickly makes you a prey and tries to suck the energy out of you. You need to work on your own personality to identify areas where you need to change and make improvements.

2.Know that the bully is already down and is trying to pull you down with him or her. Therefore it is always important to always display a professional attitude and never allow yourself to stoop to the bully’s level or allow him to drag you down.

3.Confide in someone-By telling someone you trust, you can relieve yourself from the burden of being imprisoned by the bully and probably get a solution to deal with it.

4.Confront the bully-Find a space alone within the work place with the bully and explain how his behaviour is imapcting negatively on you. Listen more. Show him that other people are also watching and have questioned why he behaves this way. Listen and observe his reactions

5.Read book on emotional intelligence. You can offer the bully a copy.

6.Seek help-Before things escalate to the highest level, find someone worthy of trust in the workplace and in Human Resources, seek help.

7.Seek professional help-A lot of help exist both online and offline in helping you dealing effectively with workplace bullying. You can hire a counselling psychologist or a therapist to help you deal with the situation rather than doing it on all your own.

8.Voice it all out-Write constructively to Human Resource and report the issues you are experiencing. You might be saving the organisation a lot of pain in the future. Probably, you may not be the only person experiencing the bullying. Voicing out could assist you deal with the issue and get a solution. However, this depends on the organisational culture.

9.Use Technology-Some apps do exist in some countries to assist women deal with workplace bullying (e.g.She-Box). She-Box is an Online Complaint Management System launched by Smt Maneka S.Gandhi for working women to file in complaints of sexual harassment in the workplace.

10.Find a strategic exit point

The bully will never stop in his pranks until the day you leave the workplace or he does. Thus, when the bullying gets too excessive, you may have to weigh all the options and if no solution exists, find a good exit point.

11.Research your future work place

The next time, you find yourself in an interview or when contemplating leaving the workplace, please endeavor to research the future work place, understand their organisational culture before you plunge into another roller-coaster of workplace bullying or drama.

Have you experienced any ill-treatment in the workplace deliberately targeted to ensure that your happiness at work is ruined? please share your experiences with us below. Your story might be the help someone is looking for or might set the stage for a global action to end this crime against humanity

Please share this with your friends and other loved ones.

Thanks for being here. See you next time

Hi there,

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I work with a boss who always sees me as a threat. He criticizes me always, creates doubt in my ability to deliver on my targets, and always belittles me in front of others, my subordinates and supervisors.

I think in his mind, he thinks, I am a worthless person, a burden to the organisation and totally useless. My boss just hates me.

I always feel hated by my boss and he instils the same feeling in others, leaving me feeling helpess and always on the defensive. Why does he do this?

 

1.Excellent Work.

 

Whenever, I do an excellent work, he feels afraid that I will be promoted ahead of him. Although, the gap I have given him in terms of length of career, and depth of experience I have put is far above his.

 

2.Leadership Potential

 

Early In 2015, I received a commendation letter from our divisional head for a new relationship I brought, this relationship was worth millions of funds. I also received a commendation letter from the State Government on the leadership role I was playing in the State, he questioned what stupid role was I playing, and who might have written the letter. I remember, our head of HR, commented saying.” Dear Fatima, what a good way to start the year.”

 

The letter was sent to our divisional head and he forwarded it to Human Resources. My boss, sat me down and washed me down from head to toe. He criticised my leadership at the office, as being too poor. My reply was, “I may not know about leadership but one thing I know very well is about good followership and there is a correlation.”

I have always tried to be a good follower even though my boss doesn’t seem to notice. He always incites conflict between myself and my subordinates, insisting they boycott me and talk to him directly while I should never call his immediate boss, who was actually my first contact to the organization.

3-Being boycotted or side-stepped

Even though, my office was right at the first floor and faces the stairs to the marketing hall, i get over looked by my colleaques who work downstairs, always prefer to give the work to my subordinates. Documents made for me to sign were always signed by my back up and i had no reason to complain. It was as if my office never existed. The first day, i reported to work, i found a staff sitting in my office pretending he never knew me. Even though, he was two levels below me in rank, he clams the manager title. I was later given another office right next to his. That was when the battle started. My colleaque never wanted to see my face uptill the day he left for another location. Everytime, i complained that customers are complaining in terms of knowing the leadership of the team, i was accused of being too emotional and not understanding the corporate rules and work ethics.

When things go wrong: It was always my fault. When they go well, my subordinates are the only ones working. He is even ashamed to have me on his team. This was in an open space, in a marketing performance meeting. While the entire room was clapping, my boss, said I wasn’t the one working and he feels ashamed to have me on his team.

 

5.Constant Engagement of Subordinates

 

My boss constantly thinks that I am talking about him with other employees. He stays very close to them and has full update on my ins and outs. On a daily basis, he keeps track of my reporting time, activities, etc. It is so baffling that someone would have all the time in the world to engage himself in such despite his tight work and travel schedule.

 

 

6.He Fears His Boss like hell and he transfers that fear unto others.

 

My boss shivers at the slight mention of his boss’s name. When I realized how fearful, my boss was to his own boss, I started copying his boss when I realise he tries to ‘’play’’ with my requests. Thus I make him quickly act on emails I send to him.

 

 

7.He operates a divide and rule leadership model.

 

My boss makes sure that myself and my subordinate have no cordial relationship.

 

When he goes on leave, he assigns his role to a lower colleaque

 

For the past six years, we have worked together, my boss never allowed me to act as his relief whenever he goes on leave or unable to attend a meeting. He prefers a much more junior person to act on his behalf

 

9.He overlooks your strengths focusing only on the negative

 

Just last week, while at a budget I recently showed my boss, the impact of a dollar account on our balance sheet. He refused to even look at the piece of paper. Whenever, I send a report of activities, I have done for the month, for his consolidation, he makes sure that it is not reported. And makes it look like I am not doing anything but just collecting salary for no work done. Meanwhile, I have worked under very difficult work conditions (even though my organization is one of the top three in the industry. I started my career, in the team in 2012, at the peak of a crisis and attack by insurgents. I constantly delivered on my target and over-performed other teams in the entire division.

 

No succession plan

My boss always insists that I put my subordinate as my successor even when it was very clear, he couldn’t do the work. Even though there is clear succession plan in place for me. Best advice, given my wealth of experience, I should consider going to another unit or getting a transfer.

 

 

Threat to Divide the team

 

My boss insists that my team gets splitted into two after working so hard and failing to ensure I was removed. Many times, I feel that there may be transactions he might want to make me do but knows I wouldn’t. Thus, he agitates for a division of the team. For the first time in six years, I decided not to attend the meeting.  I was asked to come over with the colleaque. For the first time in six years, I decided not to attend the meeting. I sent him a text explaining my inability to attend. My boss pretended, he didn’t receive any notice from me. And that I never did any work or went out marketing.

 

The penalty for non-attendance was termination, or at least, non-receipt of salary. Our divisional head, threatened to remove me from my seat.

 

I agreed to a 50-50. However, my boss insisted I handed over the team to my colleaque like 100% and start afresh. I reported him to his boss, nothing happened.

 

12.Reporting bad behavior from subordinates

 

Whenever, I report bad behavior, there is always no sign of being supported. I simply get warned not to ever report any of my subordinates after all, there is no one to do the job “for them.”

 

13.Hair Loss

 

When I started my career, I used to have a very long hair that cascades down to my back. But, since this bullying started, I lost 70% of my hair. This was majorly for being asked to cover up for a crime. Every time I raised a question about the issue, and the record of involvement of staff, which I was asked to keep, I get scolded and questioned if it was my duty to police the organization.

 

Later on, another staff was sacked for a lesser crime, and he blew the whistle, by escalating to the top management. I was lucky, I told the whole truth. Although, my boss denied asking me to keep the record. He tried to accuse me of aiding and abetting the crime.

 

 

15.Disciplinary Committee

 

Once, I got tired and requesting for a transfer. This was after working with a psychologist to help me deal with the situation. Although, the situation did not change, I was able to define myself, and remain defined and promised never to allow the bully get his way. That was the only thing that worked, although the bullying never stopped. A subordinate, was involved in a wrong doing, and I was the only person invited to face a disciplinary committee. Even though I have reported cases of forgery of my signature among many other things and no action was taken against it.

 

I was told the things to go there and say, but most importantly, to apologise. Initially, I jotted down everything to say at the D.C. But,a friend advised me against doing so.” Why apologise for what you did not do? If they want to sack you, let them sack you for your innocence, but don’t go and apologise for things you didn’t do. They will sack you. Because, apologies could mean, accepting responsibility.” My friend who has over two decades of work experience at Deloitte advised. That saved me. I went in there, demonstrated my loyalty to the brand and also showcased my depth of experience and exposure. After leaving, the hot seat, my boss was called upon and queried as to why he sent an innocent and a loyal young lady to the DC, that he was the person to take the hot seat. He went on his kneels, pleaded and begged and escaped with a last warning.

 

The DC gave me a voice and an avenue to offload the burden on my chest that I have been carrying for so long. I felt lighter and relieved. My boss almost lost his job for suppressing vital information. The crime I was accused of doing has been on-going for years even before I joined the organization (3 years before I joined the organisation).

 

Shocking Look

 

At the next performance review, the entire team was looking at me like a ghost from heaven. Were they surprised that I came back safely? Were they thinking that was the end of my career in the organization? You guess is as good as mine.

 

17Request for Transfer

I later decided to seek for a transfer so as to free myself from the troubles. I was asked to put in my resignation and leave. Meanwhile, my backup was parambulating the office as if trying to snatch the keys from my hands. Clearly, the bullying is being perpetrated at all levels, bottom up, and top-down.

 

Bullying is a serious crime against humanity, adversely impacts an organisations’ profitability and stifles performance.

 

If you have you ever experienced any sign of being bullied, whether in a workplace or at home, please share your experience with us on this blog, how you felt and what you might have done to deal with it.

 

Thanks for sharing and see you next time

 

 

 

 

 

Hello there,

Bullying is a major topic that I am very much concerned about. I have been through it for a very long time with no real plan on how to end it or deal with it in my life. I have faced bullying from the domestic angle, from the workplace and in school and have lots to share with others so that when the signs of being bullied manifests, you can easily detect it and be able to deal with it effectively.

At the home front, the bullying started since childhood, being the 6th born amongst 6 girls and a boy. Our brother was favored by our mum over us for mainly two reasons: 1. He was the only boy 2.Mum has spent so many years giving birth to girls, she was mocked by her family members and my father’s other wives. 3.Thirdly, my brother happens to be named after my mother’s dad. Her father was somenone she adores a lot. Thus, she might have transfered the love onto my brother.

 

I remember back then, when my brother tries to bully us, or beat us, my father will quickly address him:”Don’t beat my daughters. I love them just the way they are.” Implying that we are very precious to him. my brother will then back up.

At the school front, while in primary school, I had two seatmates, we all lived in the same area, a few houses away. I was always sitting in the middle. The two girls used to occupy the side chairs. every time, the bell rang, those two girls will chase me from school and tried to beat me up. I ran as fast as i could and get home. They go back. How I dealt with it was by running as fast as I could and always escaped. But escapism is not a solution. and their reason for chasing me, I cannot still comprehend or place a finger. I know that I used to do very well academically. Probably that is the reason.

At the university, I got entangled to a  lecturer who from inception wanted me as his wife. Even before he met me one on one. What could have drawn him to me. Now, I know better. But, I thought it was love. Maybe he is drawn to me based on the signs he saw that I am capable of being bullied easily. And that was what he did. Even though i was just 16 and wasn’t ready for marriage, but because the pressure was much and the culture encourages a girl my age to get married and begin to have kids, I settled in for me. He was all over me, like crazy. Until he got a transfer to another university and inquired if I would love to change school. As if expecting a no. I said, yes. And that spiraled a new revolution of psychological warfare. Back, then I was always alone. He used to describe me based on what people told him about me that I was a loner. That is another red flag.

When I got tired of the stress coming from the relationship, I confronted the bully to stop and that I needed some space. He got more mad, threatened to take my life if I decided not to get married to him.

My first workplace back in 1998 was a financial services firm. I worked in the Finance and Admin dept in one of the elite States. There was really no issue. Until, one day, my brother walked into my office that mum is asking that I leave work and come back home. There were too many stories that my siblings tell her, lies about me. That day, I was fasting. After hearing my brother out and the allegations against me, OMG. I saw darkness all over the place, even though the sun was out there. The day was darker than the darkest of all nights.

I walked in the next day to my DGM(Deputy General Manager’s office) and requested for a transfer. I got same within days with a huge sum of money as my transfer benefits. I wanted to buy a car but when I got home, I learned that a lady, an unmarried one like myself is not supposed to ride a car at all. Except if she is married. I used the money to renovate my father’s dilapidated family house. That in itself brought about a chain of reactions from my three elder brothers.

But, the biggest threats came from my new boss. As soon as I was ushered through the back door, awaiting to greet my him. He took his bag and headed towards the front door, without saying a word. The one year I spent there was a living hell. Every day came with its new challenge. I was always being accused of things I didn’t do, criticised for dressing expensively, even though the clothes were handed down to me by my elder sister. I regretted the transfer. But, the option of staying with a married younger sibling presented its own challenges. Things, we discussed with her, were things I hear verbatim from my elder sisters. How did they get the information. My sister tells her husband who in turn tells my elder sister as if he heard it from a different source. Finally, the decision was that my stay was no longer welcome. But, my sister was someone I love to death and would do anything for. And felt that she would never betray me. If i told her that I met a guy in a particular place, I get the exact story through another medium without any omission. My friends dismissed my sister as being ‘a basket mouth,” or “envious” of my financial freedom and career since she was a  full-time housewife.

Everday, I prayed to never come back to the workplace.I wished that God will provide another work for me so i didn’t have to return back. My appraisal was done badly. Even though, the manager played the role of a good friend, always asking about my mum and siblings(that made me happy, because, I was always a mummy’s girl). I was shocked when my former boss called to inquire if there was any issue between myself and my new boss, and I replied with a capital NO. I confided to my former boss, that we were asked to fill the forms before the appraisal was done, because of limited time. The appraisal documents were returned for the exercise to be done professionally. My manager maintained his former comments.

Every day, I was made to greet the manager as he walks in, then follow him and greet him properly. And also say bye-bye when I close. It was so draining. I was used to a bigger work environment. This one is just a tiny branch. In my former workplace, the MD of the bank and myself and many others could be in the same lift and there was no expectation of greeting. He quietly disembarks and goes to his office. The same when he walks into our department. He walks quietly without any demand for attention. The reverse is the case here. That year, I lost a promotion. The 51 colleagues with whom we all started working were all promoted.

Everybody was scared of the manager and shivered when he passes by. Until, one day, a colleague walked in and addressed the manager over an issue. The manager was quiet. I was shocked that the manager was just an empty threat.

One day, I entered his office and as usual, he started his pranks, that he wants to marry me. That he is building a house for me in the City etc. I told him that I am not interested. Since I joined the bank, they have been pursuing me all over the place. And that he should be ashamed that he is harassing an innocent lady. I ranted and ranted and he kept asking me to keep my tone down. He apologized and apologized.

A friend and my direct supervisor advised that I remain professional and never allow the manager to get his way, telling me how he was always at the house of one of the cashiers everyday evening. And how he always make sure, she gets away with lots of things, pilferage etc.

To be continued[image error]

Gender Violence is every so often interchangeably used as male chauvinism. It is by far one of the most unusual human rights violations in the world. Over 30% of women worldwide have faced gender violence in terms of verbal, physical and/or sexual violence and other forms of sexual harassment at work.

Gender Violence within the workplace is by far one of the most unusual human rights violations in the world. It is a manifestation of the power imbalance between men and women and can take on various forms such as:• bodily assault (e.g rape, sexual advances and so on)• Verbal abuse and threats of violence• Bullying• persona assaults• psychological abuse and intimidation• Sexual harassment.

Gender violence has a clear horrible effect on the workplace, because it causes absenteeism, low morale, drop in productiveness, lack of confidence, unmet potentials, spoiling the work  and misuse of organization assets etc.

Trade unions,NGO’s and many other organisations are making concerted efforts to end gender-based violence at work. They are campaigning for new international labour laws to address the various kinds of gender-based totally violence that occur in the world of work.

Have you have faced or are currently facing GBV in the workplace? How did you are how are you dealing with it? Your answers can help others going through this experience and save many jobs and lives.

[image error]Please share your experiences below please.

Best regards

“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”

What the above quote means is that you take a negative experience in life and turn it into a positive one.


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Has life ever thrown any negative experience at you? Were you able to make a positive experience out of it. What were the circumstances? How were you able to come out of it successfully? What strategies di you use? Please share with us in 1000-5000 words. The most interesting stories top five stories will be featured in my upcoming book,  “Lemonade”

Please do not hoard your stories, share your lemon-lemonade experience with the world.

Thanks and see you next time

Hello friends,

Over the weekend, a client of mine called to inquire and seek my opinion with regards to whether it is okay for him to give his account details and also his Bank Verification Number. He affirms that he doesn’t feel comfortable revealing details of his account because his account is well funded.

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Given my experience in finance and having lectured many people on the dangers of virtual currency. I explained to the customer that his revelation of the details of his account is based on how comfortable he is as an individual with the transaction. That I am not in the position to avoid him on what he needs to do. I explained the riskiness of the business and also explained the huge gains that could be made. The man insisted I advice on which route he should take and i insisted that the entire business is a risk and his investment and revelation or otherwise is based on his comfort and his risk appetite. I affirmed to him that so far I have not heard of any person that has invested in Bitcoin and lost funds explaining further that Bitcoin is one of the

foremost digital currencies. I cautioned further that the Central Bank cautions against the use of virtual currencies because of the risk involved and the anonymity of many of the founding fathers of the business.

 

The man thanked me for my advice and we parted on a good note without me committing myself to advise him on a particular stand. I advised him to study the business, terms, and conditions and make more inquiries. And then weigh all his options.

Have you ever invested in a virtual currency? What type of virtual currency have you invested in before? Has it been successful?

Please share your experiences and comments below.

Thanks and see you next time

Hello there,

In our previous posts,we have talked about introvertedness and what it entails. Here we are going to go a bit deeper by analysing the upside of being an introvert:

1.Introverts think through ideas and take time to process information before passing judgement. This makes a good case for goods analytics and attention to detail

2.Introverts prefer solitude over togetherness or team work. However, the good thing is that solitude is an anecdote for emotional maturity, triggers creativity and innovativeness.

3.Introverted people tend to be more focused in their work than extroverts who enjoy the freedom and liberty of mingling with others and trying so many things.

4. Introverts are often highly talented people and exhibit greater leadership potentials

5.Introverts make great listeners.

6.They are calm and able to handle today’s stressful workplace more effectively

7.They bring more diversity to workplaces.

8.They make valuable contributions to the table. Back in the 2000’s, a colleaque of mine who happens to be highly introverted, hardly speaks during management meetings.  But whenever, he opens his mouth to make any contribution, management always cant help but make it part of organisational policy.

9.Some of the world’s best leaders are introverted in nature. Example, Rosa Parks, Mahatma Gandhi, Einstein, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg etc

Do you have  any known or observed upside to tis personality trait?Please share with us below.

Thanks and see you next time

 

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
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“The next time you see a person with a composed face and a soft voice, remember that inside her mind she might be solving an equation, composing a sonnet, designing a hat. She might, that is, be deploying the powers of quiet.”Susan Cain