Susan C. Young's Blog

“I know of nothing more valuable, when it comes to the all-important virtue of authenticity, than simply being who you are.”

– Charles R. Swindoll

I am a recovering perfectionist, and like all in recovery, I do better some days than others! I have a friend who strives for perfection in all things. I have no idea how she does it. She always looks amazing. She is the whole package!  Regardless of whether she is exercising, at the grocery store, or sweating in the sun at her child’s ball game, she looks ‘all together.’ Being so darned perfect all the time makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. They think she’s wearing a mask and they don’t think she is authentic, real. Even though she is genuinely very nice, they are intimidated by her need for personal perfection.

ASK YOURSELF:  Do you generally feel uncomfortable around people whom you perceive to be perfect? Is there really such a thing as the perfect person? The perfect weight? The perfect shade of skin? Of course not! Our flaws are often what differentiate us from each other, and no person is perfect.

Brené Brown, Ph.D. is a respected thought leader who teaches the power of vulnerability and authenticity, bringing deeper understanding to our inner shame. If you have never seen her TED Talks, do yourself a favor and listen to her meaningful messages today. She gives everyone permission to simply be themselves. She quickly earns trust, respect, and affection through her own wholesome sincerity and transparent imperfections.

Dr. Brown shares, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be embracing who we are.” Why are we so critical of ourselves?  We would all endure a lot less suffering if we would simply love and accept ourselves in all our imperfections.

In their book, Forget Perfect! authors Lisa Earle McLeod and Jo Ann Swan celebrate imperfection by providing a true and likely scenario. Imagine that you have just woken up. You have bad breath, messy hair, and are still in your pajamas with smeared make-up. You decide to sneak outside to grab your newspaper. As you are tiptoeing quietly down your sidewalk, you realize that you have locked yourself out of your house.

Which neighbor will you go to go to ask for help? The one to the left, who is perfectly coifed without a hair out of place, has an immaculate yard, the perfect children, the perfect husband, the perfect figure, and more . . . at least seemingly. Or will you knock on the door of the neighbor to your right with four kids, dogs barking, a messy house, a sink full of dishes, and baby throw-up on her shoulder?

If you are like me, you would go to the neighbor whose life is real, authentic, messy, and in my opinion—amazing. Why? Because she is authentic. She is so secure in her beautifully imperfect self that she would welcome you with open arms, no judgment, and complete acceptance.

“Authentic people are so comfortable in their own skins they make us more comfortable in our own.”

Interestingly, being yourself allows others to be themselves.  Even with crazy imperfections, being a bona fide genuine person is the best any of us can be—messy flaws and all!

As I mentioned earlier, moving to the Midwest from Florida was a major life change for me. The transition, however, was made easier by the authentic and friendly attitudes of the people who live here. “Midwest Nice” is true! I have repeatedly experienced their sincere kindness, caring, low-key attitude, and acceptance.

When my friend Jackie lived in a rich section of Atlanta, she felt pressured to wear the right shoes, drive the right car, sport the right hairstyle, and dress a certain way to fit in and be accepted. When she moved to Madison, she found that it didn’t matter how she showed up. As long as she showed up as her real and authentic self she would be warmly embraced.

Admittedly, there will be times when you must interact on a superficial level and adjust your behavior to fit in, go along and get along. Not everyone is always going to like you. What impresses one person may turn another away. To thine own self be true. Living in alignment with your true self enables you to cultivate transparency and unshakable authenticity.

 

This article is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results . To learn more, please visit https://susancyoung.com/store/art-of-first-impressions-for-positive-impact/.

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“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.”

–Judy Garland

 The challenge of being authentic for people pleasers is that we really want people to like and accept us. Being vulnerable, however, requires that we come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like us, and that it is okay. Not everyone needs to like us.

ASK YOURSELF:  Do you really want people to like you for something that you’re not? It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be someone else for the sake of pleasing others.

Teenagers especially go through this when they are trying to be accepted and fit in. As a lifetime people pleaser, I remember trying to mold myself into the person I thought other people wanted me to be—all for the sake of being liked and accepted. As a young girl, I allowed my self-esteem to be determined by others’ opinions, and I devoted incredible energy tuning into how everyone else felt. I wanted to win them over to the “Susan Fan Club,” and when I failed, I was devastated.

Why did I think that the mask was a better portrayal than my authentic self? We can get hidden under layers of illusion, can’t we?

I love to make people happy, choose to be positive, and usually have a joyful heart. Do you? While you would think my energy, enthusiasm, and passion would be great virtues, it annoys the hell out of some folks. I especially irritate negative, cynical spirit suckers who may think my eternal optimism is unrealistic and insincere. Oh well. I don’t want to shut down and stop being happy to accommodate someone else. I’ve gotten to a point in life to understand that not everyone is going to like me. After all, I don’t always like everyone either. That’s life!

After I hit fifty, a friend of mine said, “Susan, this a great place to be because everything is either a “Hell yeah!” or a “Hell no!”  I said, “You’re right! You really can say no without regrets.” Being my authentic self frees me to live out my priorities. I feel the relief. I don’t waste time any longer saying yes to someone else’s priorities just to receive their accolades and acceptance.

Additionally, being authentic means accepting other people for who they are in their own individuality.

“ Authenticity isn’t just about saying “this is who I am.” It is also about being flexible enough to recognize and appreciate the uniqueness in others and honoring the mutual respect for being authentic and true.”

 

Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan C Young’s keynotes and workshops inspire leaders and teams to Boost Positivity, Improve Engagement and Transform Their Teams to make a POSITIVE IMPACT in life and business (SusanCYoung.com).

This is article is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book  The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results . Visit amazon.com/author/susancyoung and to learn more.

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“If you are your authentic self, you have no competition.”

– Scott Stratten

Own your truths—all of them.  Be honest. Be genuine. Be straightforward Be refreshing! We gravitate towards such people, don’t we? Allow your natural personality to shine through without pretending to be someone you’re not, or you may be stuck with that label forever. Walking in alignment with your integrity will help keep you on the right track.

There is a reason that the words natural, wholesome, and organic resonate throughout our culture today. Aim to be natural and truly who you are one-hundred percent of the time.

We’ve all met people who are beautiful on the outside, however, when they open their mouths to speak, they have nothing of substance to contribute. And other times we meet folks who appear rather plain, yet when they speak from a heart of service, love, compassion, and wisdom, they instantly become respected favorites.

Authenticity is the litmus test for the honesty, transparency, and trust which are necessary for healthy relationships. You have met phonies—fake people who appear plastic and put on airs trying to impress other people. The person they present to the world is not the person who resides inside.

My friend Tina Hallis, Ph.D. (ThePositiveEdge.org) is a professional speaker who specializes in positivity in the workplace. One day after presenting her “Positive Psychology” workshop, an audience participant approached and asked her, “What about authenticity?  Sometimes I don’t feel like being positive. What if I feel authentically mad, bad, or negative? Is that okay?”

Tina responded, “Of course it is okay! You need to honor where you are and it is not always about being happy. Your negative feelings are there for a reason, too.”

Authenticity respects the ebb and flow between positive and negative. The people who really know you will understand that you are not always going to be in a happy place and an occasional bad mood is acceptable. By authentically sharing when things aren’t right you allow the people you care about to offer the support you may need.

 

This is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book  The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results . To learn more, please visit https://susancyoung.com/store/art-of-first-impressions-for-positive-impact/.

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“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

–Oscar Wilde

Being authentic is key to living a happy life and enjoying healthy relationships. If we miss this vital component in our unique way of being, everything else in this book becomes irrelevant.

ASK YOURSELF: Are you being real? When people meet you, are you straight up and natural—the real deal? If you are, then you will appreciate what it means to approach life always being YOU.

Standing in your personal truth enables you to transcend social layers of happenstance and get to the heart of matters—revealing what is raw and real.

Your goal, then, is to never be anything less than real or to clone yourself from another. Why would you be anything other than your unique and best self?

“Life’s most amazing moments between people are built on trust, communication, acceptance, and love.”

As we observe and experience varying degrees of difficulty, negativity, loss, hurt, anxiety, and fear in life, we yearn for the reassurance that our relationships are safe. The days of the pushy salesmen and self-serving narcissists are over. That type of behavior quickly alienates and pushes people away because it offends and can’t be trusted.

People must believe that you are real and are who you say you are, otherwise, they will not want to do business with you, much less make the effort to move forward in starting and building a relationship.

When I meet someone who is truly genuine, I am drawn to their personality and find them easier to approach, engage, and interact with. I know that what I see is what I get. They have no hint of false pretense, nor do I worry about hidden agendas.

Authentic people are instantly more likable and trustworthy, which makes building rapport with them a pleasure. In their presence, we feel accepted for who we are without judgment or criticism. We crave real people and are delighted when we find them.

 

This is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s new book The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results . To learn more, please visit https://susancyoung.com/store/art-of-first-impressions-for-positive-impact/.

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Attitude. Personality. Mindset. Spirit. Essence. Perspective. Regardless of how you define your state of being, your mental, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual approaches are the basis for your existence and how you experience life.

Your way of being impacts your happiness and outcomes—the wisdom of your choices, your confidence and courage, your self-esteem, how you are perceived and received by others, and the quality of your relationships. The more positively centered and grounded you are in your authentic being, the more people may be drawn to you.

The Art of Being lays the foundation for your first impressions because if you get this part wrong not much else matters. All other efforts may be diminished or wasted. Someone who is being gracious, kind, and passionate is more likely to achieve what they want in life than someone who is being petty, cruel, or resistant. Your way of being sets the tone for how people relate to you, behave toward you, and engage. How is it going?

Becoming the person you want to be draws from being your best and doing your best as you allow your personality, passions, and purpose to shine through.

Begin by asking yourself if you are currently getting, maintaining, and retaining the relationship results you want. Are you ready to explore what it takes to make a great first impression? You came to the right place.

For some, a positive state of being comes quite naturally, but for others, it does not. Even so, we can all benefit when we have a guide and mentor to help us walk the high road to create the results we desire. The future blogs that follow will meet you on your journey wherever you may be.

The Art of Being encompasses . . .

Authenticity
Personal Integrity
Passion
Love & Generosity
Healthy Self Esteem
Dignity & Grace
Charisma & Charm
Confidence & Command

Over the next few months, join me as I share excerpts from my new book, The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact. We will dive into each of these valuable arts and share how growing in these areas can not only enhance your personal happiness and well-being, but transform your relationship results in life and business.

This is an excerpt from Positive Impact & Change Expert Susan Young’s 1st Chapter of her new book The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact . . . 8 Ways to Shine Bright to Transform Relationship Results. To learn more, please visit https://susancyoung.com/store/art-of-first-impressions-for-positive-impact/.

 

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Why Reignite? Rekindle your passion and your purpose for living well by applying that special spark that gets you ‘fired up!’

Passion is that strong feeling of enthusiasm, ecstasy, or excitement which you feel for something or someone. This sizzling desire can light up your soul and fuel your commitment to be persistent in spite of obstacles and unfavorable circumstances. This depth of intrinsic motivation can transform your life unlike anything else and align you with true happiness. Is it time to reignite?

What lights your fire? What gets you so excited that when you are in that state you feel invincible and ready to take on the world? Fan those flames and surround yourself with people who will too. As Rumi wrote, “Set your own fire. Seek those who fan your flame.”

Working with Wet Wood

What happens when the passion dies? Are there areas in your life for which you once felt great passion, but the heat has disappeared? If you have ever been in love, you know how the bursting flames of passion can change your perspective on everything. Being on fire and experiencing that flash is glorious, but that degree of heat is rarely sustainable.

As with any other fire, flames must be stoked to keep the fire burning brightly. They must be fed with fuel and oxygen because if those are denied, cutoff, or squelched, the fire dies. The same happens with most passions and desires in our lives. If we do not feed them with attention, actions, or nurturing, the light may go dim and eventually burn out. What is the spark of life that is going to get you off the starting block and into action?

Passion is a very personal emotion which burns deeply from within, however, we sometimes hand this power to control our passion over to others—and in doing so, allow them to throw water on our flames. Have you had people in your life who stomp on your dreams, invalidate your passion, and rob you of your joy? Now is the time to reclaim your power to rekindle, relight, and reignite your potential.

 7 Things You Can Reignite in Your Life. Reignite Your . . .

 passion for life and for yourself.
 passion for your work and career path.
 relationships, intimate and otherwise.
 dreams and possibilities.
 physical activities and efforts.
 motivation for making positive changes.
 desire to do your best and try new things.

How Can You Light Your Fire?

Learn something new to stimulate your ideas.
Start doing what you love in life and business.
Be with people who lift you up and raise your energy.
Listen to your heart and body and do more of what makes you feel great.
Minimize or eliminate the negative habits, thoughts, interactions with people, or influences that diminish your flame.

Passion Restored

In her inspirational book, A Passion for Living (www.apassionforliving.net), my treasured friend Marnie Tate shares how she has navigated pain, beat stress, and overcome adversity to live a life of joy, passion, and fulfillment. She acknowledges that we all have moments of despair and discouragement and that even the most joyful among us experience trying times that deplete our energy and dim our light.

She recalls a time when she hit complete exhaustion and burnout while caring for a dying father and running her financial advising business. She found herself in a funk which was hard to get out of. Marnie said, “I had committed to a weekend with some girlfriends in Florida and didn’t think I was in the right frame of mind to be with them. I had nothing else to give. I was wrong.

After four days of laughing, eating outdoors, walking on the beach, and having no agenda, by the time the weekend was over, my mojo had returned. It was a therapy of the grandest kind and my life felt free and glorious again. Friends lift us up when we don’t have the energy to fly and I am so grateful for mine. Being able to lean on and depend on our friends when the going gets tough is one of our life’s biggest blessings.” Joy returned. Passion restored.

“One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting one’s own fire.”   

—John Foster

This is an excerpt from her new book, Release the Power of Re3 . . . Review, Redo & Renew for Positive Change & Transformation. To learn more,  please visit  www.SusanCYoung.com   or  www.amazon.com/author/susancyoung.

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Why Reinterpret? Your first impression, assumption, or understanding could be incorrect, skewed, or in need of more information to see the big picture or the real truth.

Each person is one-of-a-kind, with a unique view of life that is influenced by, and dependent upon their upbringing, their personality, and their personal experiences in this world. Your perception is totally your own—it is an individual interpretation of life, events, circumstances, lessons, and people. Changing your perception will alter your interpretations and therefore, your reality. One of my favorite philosophies for understanding the differences among people and their attitudes is, “There is no reality. There is only perception.”

Many a message from another has been misconstrued or been lost in translation because it was not interpreted correctly. One of our greatest communication challenges is to fail to see another person’s perspective. Remembering that each of our perceptions differs helps.

If you feel like you’re hitting a wall because you simply don’t understand something, or another person who has a different approach, keep your mind open. Be willing to reinterpret it with fresh eyes, more information, a change in position, or a new perspective. All the time, remember—no two people are inwardly alike, even when outwardly, they may seem similar.

This old adage may prompt you to reinterpret someone’s words, actions, or feelings: “Walk a mile in my shoes, see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel, then maybe you’ll understand.”  

 

This is an excerpt from her new book, Release the Power of Re 3  . . . Review, Redo & Renew for Positive Change & Transformation. To learn more,  please visit  www.SusanCYoung.com   or  www.amazon.com/author/susancyoung.

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Why Rejoice? Living in a spirit of gratitude and celebration not only attracts more good to flow your way, but it also shifts your being into a state of bliss—which is a wonderful way to experience life. “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. […]

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Psychological Thriving In his book, The Power of the Other . . . The Startling Effects Others Have On Us from the Bedroom to the Boardroom and Beyond and What to Do About It, Dr. Henry Cloud names four levels of connection for human interaction and engagement. Disconnection Bad Connection Fake-Good Connection Real Connection He […]

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Why a Resolution? Declaring what you want in life activates your energy, sets your intention, and helps you build momentum to move forward in the direction of your dreams. Writing your New Year’s resolutions is a great tradition to begin your new year from a position of optimism, positive expectancy, goal setting, and strength. The […]

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