Anna Ryan's Blog

In a little over a month, I will be 26 years old, as will the majority of my friends from high school. I can say truthfully that turning 26 doesn’t faze me in the slightest. We are all going to grow older whether we like it or not, so there is no point in complaining.

The realisations that plague my mind the most are the following:

1.) I have no idea what I am doing.
2.) Everyone seems to have their lives together.

You see, the vast majority of my friends from high school have graduated from university, and are now working in their chosen fields.
On the flipside, I had no idea what I wanted to do when I finished high school, so I just worked. Then when I discovered that I loved to read and write, I decided to have a crack at being a full-time writer. I am still working on it, but it is one of the hardest fields to be successful in.
I question what I’m doing with my life ALL THE TIME. Yes, I am working towards being a full-time writer, but in the interim I work full-time which makes the balance between one and the other challenging.
Writing can be hit and miss as well. Some days or weeks can be really productive and you feel like you’re really making progress which is a wonderful feeling. And there are some weeks where nothing goes your way and you question why you are doing what you are doing.

In addition to having jobs in their chosen fields, some of my high school friends have partners and children/married with children/married/ or just with a partner.
Building a solid foundation with your partner - whether that be moving in together, getting married, or having a child, gives you that feeling of purpose, and that you are moving forward in life.

Let me be frank, not everyone’s lives are like the above. Take me for example, you have read all about my career plight and continued hustle. I also do not have a partner or any children. And believe me, when you see posts on Facebook or Instagram that so and so are getting married or so and so and so and so are having a baby and/or getting married, it’s bloody hard. I’ll tell you why it’s hard: it’s hard because they (appear) to have their lives together, and they seem to know what they are doing with their lives; they are moving forward, not sitting stagnant.
I’m not going to lie and say that I am not scared about my future career, and what might happen. I’m not going to lie and say that I am not fussed on finding a man, because in all honesty, I would love to.

What I’m trying to say is that I know how scary it is when all your friends find partners; hit their career goals all before you do. It’s terrifying.
It’s okay to feel the way we do about these things. We are not alone. I’m not gonna say that there is someone out there for everyone because I’m to entirely sure I believe that myself anymore. Nor am I going to end this with some uplifting, preaching-like quote – it wouldn’t fit.

I’m going to keep my hustle going, and so should you.

The Room at the End of the Hall.

When you’re a child you believe that there are monsters hiding under your bed or inside your closet, and you force your parents to do the nightly ritual of ensuring that the coast is clear; that the monsters won’t scare you as you fall asleep.
I can almost bet that it has never crossed your mind that the monsters, if they are not hiding under your bed or inside your closet, that they must be hiding elsewhere. Let me assure you that they will be hiding in the place you would least expect.
Is there a door inside your house that is always kept closed? Or perhaps a room your parents forbid you from entering?

If your answer is a no, then you may be one of the lucky ones.
If your answer is a yes, then you may have just enough time to check. But don’t open the door, whatever you do; simply place your ear close to the door and listen. Can you hear the monsters banging and rioting? They are dangerous.

I have a horrible feeling that one of you is going to open the door. The door at the end of the hall.

*
Billy Anderson was a good kid. He, for the most part, behaved himself and didn’t get into any serious trouble. Every night before Billy went to sleep; both of his parents checked under his bed and inside his closet to make sure that there were no monsters ready to pounce. His parents did this religiously and reasoned that it was a phase Billy would grow out of as he grew up.
I must admit that Billy was a hell of a lot smarter for his age than his parents would have guessed. He knew that there were no monsters hiding under his bed; and he knew that there were no monsters, not even baby ones, hiding inside his closet. He knew almost certainly where they were hiding.
He had asked his parents about the room at the end of the hall plenty of times, but they only half answered and told him to go and read or watch TV which he did without much fuss.
Knowing that trying to get answers out of his parents about the room at the end of the hall was nothing short of impossible, Billy decided to observe. From the doorway of his room, he could see very clearly, the room at the end of the hall. He waited and he watched to see if his parents would enter that room. They didn’t.
This new found knowledge made the room at the end of the hall even more interesting.
When Billy went to sleep at night, he dreamed of what he thought lay on the other side of the door. He wanted it to be something awesome, but whenever the dream got really epic, it would suddenly turn into a nightmare full of raging and vile monsters.

Some may say that I wasn’t doing my job, but I didn’t see any harm. Children, especially at Billy’s age, are imaginative and inquisitive.
It wasn’t until I heard the Other Voice – the one cajoling Billy to open the door at the end of the hall – get louder and louder. I searched through my inventory and found that Billy was the only one in danger. Why? Well, Billy was the only child that had a room at the end of the hall. And no one ever dared to open the door. So I sent out a warning, to everyone, but specifically to Billy. I told him to NOT open the door at the end of the hall, but to place his ear against the door and listen to the horrors that were locked behind it.
I could clearly see that the noises – growling, screaming and terrorised moans – had suitably put Billy off the idea of opening the door. I was happy to see that his curiosity was satisfied when the Other Voice – louder this time, a screaming cacophony of laughter – cajoled Billy back towards the door.

The door opened almost too easily which made my nerves recoil and shiver. And just as easily and soundlessly as the door at the end of the hall opened, Billy Anderson slipped inside.

*
I stayed around the Anderson’s house until Billy’s parents awoke to find their son missing. They searched Billy’s room, they yelled out his name over and over again. They called the police who said they would be there in ten minutes. Mr and Mrs Anderson sat patiently on their sofa, waiting for the police.
Twenty minutes passed, then thirty.
Forty minutes had almost passed when the Other Voice slithered back inside the house and asked the Anderson’s if they had checked the room at the end of the hall.

There was no time to stop them. They sprinted up the stairs two at a time, and stopped dead. The door to the room at the end of the hall was wide open.
Billy’s parents called out his name. Billy, hysterical, pleaded and begged his parents to save him.

*
As Billy’s parents stepped into the room at the end of the hall, they heard sirens blaring outside, almost breaking their trance. The Other Voice nastily hurried them along.
The police parked up beside the Anderson’s house and were about to run inside when...

Some people just can’t be saved.


Sincerely,

No-One

The Night Keeper.

I haven’t always been a fan of scary books. In fact, when I was younger, I avoided watching scary TV shows and reading scary books; but if I did end up watching a scary TV show (like “Sensing Murder”), I swear that when I went to bed, I could distinctly hear the sound of someone breathing right outside my window (clearly my imagination), and would end up having a terrible night’s sleep.
So it’s fair to say that I when I was younger I was very easily scared, and thus be very, very nervy.

Now I am pleased to say that I have managed to get over that fear.

It took a while, and I have been testing my limits as I have gotten older. I started off reading Stephen King’s books because someone told me they would give me nightmares. I wanted to test my limits, so I started reading them. I absolutely love his books, but I haven’t found any of them terrifying...yet.
After falling in love with Stephen King’s novels, I then moved on to different authors who write in the same or similar genre(s) to him.
That’s when I fell in love with the horror genre. (I do love books in general).
I would always read lists of the scariest Stephen King books or lists of the scariest books...ever! And if a book or books from those lists caught my eye, then I would add them to my “to-read” shelf on Goodreads.

The aspect of the horror genre that I love is not so much the gore and stuff (not a massive fan, but sometimes it is necessary), but the way in which people react when they are in a really bizarre, scary, weird, disconcerting, terrifying situations. The dormant emotions inside each character that bubble their way to the surface over the course of the story can be fascinating for both the reader and the writer. A character that was nice at the start of the story could turn out to be the most evil because of the way they react/act in different scenarios. On the flipside of that, the most evil character at the beginning of the story could turn out to be the one with the purest intentions.
As a writer, the characters unravel as you continue to plan/write, so it is very interesting. It can go in several different directions. It’s brilliant!

Reading and writing scary books also keeps you guessing. I love to read and write a book that keeps me on my toes. It’s got to have some unexpected twists and turns

I am still looking for a book that will scare the shit out of me. If you have any recommendations, please let me know!

I am the first to admit that I am a person that gets stressed and overwhelmed quite easily. Over the course of the past year or two I have improved, but on the odd occasion, the stress does hit and I am like a mouse in a microwave. A few months ago the stress really did hit me and I didn’t know what to do. (Let’s just say that I have been in both worse and better situations).
My emotions were heightened and my fuse was short. I was basically skating on thin ice with my moods and emotions.

Anyway, at some point during this time in my life, my dad gave me a really great piece of advice which was this:

“You can’t control what people say and do to you, but you can control the way you react.”

Essentially, he meant that if someone or a situation was making me stressed, I had the choice of how I was going to react to it. I could choose to hit back at that person or situation with the anger/frustration that I momentarily felt. You know how you get really defensive if someone hit you up about something; or if they question you when they know damn well that you know what you’re doing.
Alternatively, I could choose to try and see their perspective and acknowledge their point of view or opinion whilst staying calm, because if you react defensively to someone’s anger or aggression (even if you don’t like what they have to say) towards you, you will end up looking like a plonker just like them.

Now, I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself; stand tall and stand strong! All I am saying is: think before you speak, and fighting aggression against aggression isn’t always the best answer. I know that it can be hard, especially if that person has a different opinion or is just winding you up, but just remember that you can’t control what they do, but you can control the way you react.

PS. Thank you, dad, for the great advice!

I find myself thinking on a reasonably regular basis, that I need to work harder to achieve my dreams; that I am not doing enough in order to escape the mundane 9-5 ritual of my day job. I feel guilty when I feel so exhausted that I just have to go home and go straight to bed without doing any work on my books and my brand.
I know that I can’t do everything in one night. I know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and that good things take time. I mean, look at wine and cheese! Who doesn’t like a good vino once in a while?

I would agree that it would be accurate to say that I am hungry for success. I want to achieve great things with my books and business, but there are times when I feel like I am not worthy or deserving of success. Honestly, I don’t know why I feel that way. I’m sitting at my desk typing this, trying to key upon the right answer or feeling to best describe what I am trying to explain, but I can’t.
I look at the videos I post on Instagram and Facebook and kind of cringe at the look of them. I heavily dislike my voice, but I guess everyone hates the sound of their own voice when they hear a recording of themselves.

But, you wanna know something? While part of my mind or brain or whatever questions why I deserve to be successful. Or what makes me think I am worthy of achieving success. There is another, louder part of my brain that screams: WHY NOT ME??!!
I work hard, I persevere, and hustle; I am dedicated and passionate about the literary industry.

If someone says to me: ‘Do you really think you’ll be able to achieve that?’
My response will be: ‘Watch me.’
And so should yours.
Be proud of who you are and what you’ve achieved so far.
I cannot promise that I will be patient, but I can promise you that my life from now on will not be boring.

Prior to planning and writing part one of SHADOW WATCHER, I fell down an internet hole which saw me read countless articles and watch a few documentaries about the infamous “Zodiac Killer” who tormented the San Francisco Bay Area through the 1960s and 1970s.

Even though these heinous crimes were committed over fifty years ago, there is still a ripe fascination with the murders that occurred, the person who committed them and the actions of the perpetrator before, during and after the murders.

So, what was it about the Zodiac Killings that fascinated me; and still fascinates people to this very day?



Let’s begin with possibly the most chilling and terrifying aspect first: the perpetrator of these murders was never caught or identified. The Zodiac Killer wrote letters to the newspapers and the police with ciphers that the police/newspaper was required to solve. If the ciphers were solved, then the Zodiac’s identity would be unmasked. Unfortunately, the only cipher to be solved (by a teacher and his wife) was not the one that held the Zodiac’s identity.

Now, back in those days, DNA testing was nowhere near as advanced as it is in this day and age. Anyway, aside from the DNA aspect, I was very concerned but also very fascinated by this: the fact that a killer can write letters to the police and to newspapers, bragging and pretty much admitting to the horrific murders, and not be caught.

I took my fascination with this case (I would not call it inspiration), and thought to myself: what if there was a criminal/killer like the Zodiac in this day and age – brazen, calculating, loves taunting the police. I pondered over this for a while; and then while I was in the car, came up with the name Shadow Watcher and a loose concept of a story.

Once I found that the story/idea wasn’t going to leave my brain, I decided that it was time to start to plan and write the story.

It is very much like a game of cat and mouse between Sly and Hokey and Shadow Watcher. Shadow Watcher lurks in the background, waiting for the right time to pounce; and when he does pounce – he pounces. His crimes are probably the most violent, psychotically driven and gruesome crimes I have written about so far. It is kind of a domino effect for Shadow Watcher – once he kills one person, he feels like he must kill another. And then when he starts building confidence in himself (which is based solely on the fact that he hasn’t been caught…yet), he starts to get bolder by sending letters to, and calling Sly and Hokey to taunt them; to get under their skin.

I made the decision to release Shadow Watcher in separate parts because there is so much happening that it could be too overwhelming if it was all compounded into one big novel. I feel that in doing this, it also gives the story more of a “real” element as some criminals disappear to let things settle, and then come back with vengeance.

I don’t want to give away too much because I have a feeling with Shadow Watcher, there is going to be plenty more to uncover and explore.

I am very keen on doing a stand-alone story written from Shadow Watcher’s perspective, but we will see what happens.

I have been in this writing game for a couple of years now, and boy, have I learned a lot!
And I’m not solely talking about the marketing and business side of happenings. I have learned a lot about myself as a person. I mean, I have always known that I wanted to be successful in whatever field I chose to go down, but I never knew that I had the gumption/balls/ nerve to actually step out and try and make my dream of becoming a full-time writer become a reality.
Now, this is not going to be a list of everything I have achieved with my writing. Mainly because that is not the way I roll; and I prefer my successes to speak on their own.

When I think back to contacting newspapers and other media outlets about my books and having interviews done; to contacting the likes of Mighty Ape, and a local bookstore here in Wanganui about stocking my books (which they currently do) – I am actually amazed at myself.
Wanna know why? Well, if you had spoken to me two or three years ago and told me that all this was going to happen, I would not have believed you. You see, I wasn’t a born risk taker. I wasn’t the type of person that would go ahead and do something and never second guess myself, or have any thought of failure. I have never had any real concrete career path to follow simply because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Until I became 100% dedicated and focused on becoming a full-time writer. That is my future.

I have learned that opportunity lies somewhere outside your comfort zone, between risk and the passion for what you do.

And remember this: You have nothing to lose so do it anyway.

Here is a list of songs I listened to while I edited SHADOW WATCHER: Part One.

1. Poison - Alice Cooper
2. Amazing - Alex Lloyd
3. Wake Me Up - Avicii
4. Piano Man - Billy Joel
5. Tell Her About It - Billy Joel
6. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
7. Girls In Their Summer Clothes - Bruce Springsteen
8. Dancing In The Dark - Bruce Springsteen
9. Born In The USA - Bruce Springsteen
10. In The End - LINKIN PARK
11. Numb - LINKIN PARK
12. Shadow Of The Day - LINKIN PARK
13. Youngblood - 5 Seconds of Summer

Absolute bangers!
I still religiously listen to GREEN DAY. They are still my fave :)

About a week ago, one of my friends asked me this question. It was a good question to ask. So good, in fact, that I didn’t have an answer. My response was essentially: “That’s a really good question, but I legit have no idea.” But it got me thinking. How do I come up with new ideas for stories that are (hopefully) completely different from my previous work? How do I try to ensure that I don’t turn into a one trick pony, as the saying goes?
Below I am going to tell you about some questions I ask myself when I am planning a new story; and the process I go through in order to make them different from one another.

For me, it all starts with the crux of the idea. Does the new idea in any way mirror what my previous novel was about? If it kind of does, what are the similar elements? If the similar elements are quite big, such as the use of a creepy house, or an ominous looking shadowy figure (like The Lady in the Coat), then I will go back to the planning board and attempt to plan the idea out again. Instead of having events pan out this way, I will plan out what would occur if a character said or did this rather than that. One character’s decision could potentially change the direction of the entire story. I may even change the setting; or rather than setting a story in the city, I may decide to set it in the country, or vice versa. Sometimes the first idea doesn’t work, and nor does the second or even third; but always remember that the more ideas you try, the closer you will come to the one that fits and makes sense.

One of the biggest hurdles I have had to train my brain to think past is the fact that not all villains have to be non-human or unknown entities. I guess that I believe them to be much scarier than us humans which is extremely ignorant of me, because some of the nastiest, most callous beings in history are... you guessed it...HUMANS! Also, I find that if you make your antagonist(s) real people – you know, your typical neighbourly person(s), then it makes the story that much more terrifying because the villains you have created are everyday people. As they say, the scariest monsters lie within us.
So if I come up with a non-human villain, great! I just have to be very, very careful to not make said villain anything like The Lady in the Coat. On the other side of the coin, human villains can be made to be quite different rather easily – different appearance, mannerisms, and ways of doing the bad things they do. But; and this is a BIG but. You have to make your villain(s) believable and relatable to some extent. In saying that, getting yourself inside the mind of your villainous character(s) can be extremely difficult – I know that I have had my fair share of struggles (and fear).

I am also very conscious of writing “generic” stories; and by “generic” I mean a haunted house story or stories that have been done many times before in different ways. Don’t get me wrong, I love a great haunted house story, but as an author, you want to not only push the idea-envelope when it comes to your genre(s), but you also want to push yourself as a writer. I don’t want to be a writer that writes the stereotypical stories that the public expect of someone who writes in my genre. I want to blend genres (I mean, who said you can’t blend a romance with a horror story? Or crime with a dash of comedy?). I aim to push the boundaries and create twists that will leave the reader hankering for more.
Remember that there are thousands of books being published every day, so you have to make sure that your book is different from the rest. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t write a haunted house story, or a classic murder mystery; I’m simply saying that if you do, be sure to add content that will be unexpected and thrilling for the reader. (Killing off suspects or main characters is always a good time).

Never, ever, ever believe that your idea for a story is terrible or unrealistic. If someone tells you that your idea is not feasible or good, ask them what ideas they have for a story?
Their answer will probably be complete silence.
As I always say: “Anything is possible in fiction. Don’t discount you own idea simply because someone else has.”

As much as I love writing, sometimes it is hard to pull myself off the couch, away from YouTube, or a good book, and get to work. There is something quite amazing about just sitting on the couch (or lying on your bed) reading or watching YouTube videos. Sadly, it doesn’t help us up our hustle game, and get the stuff done that we need to get done in order to fulfil our dreams.

So, without further procrastination, I am going to briefly list a few things that help keep my hustle going:

1.) I haven’t achieved my ultimate goal yet, which is to be a full-time author, so I cannot really sit back and bask in the small successes I have achieved so far (like Mighty Ape! Check out my Facebook page to find out more!). As soon as something happens (success or not), I acknowledge it, and then get straight back to the hustle of: what can I do next?
2.) It’s not all about the Facebook ads and media coverage. I mean, sure, that does a HUGE amount for getting your name and brand out there. But, you’ve gotta admit that after a while, people are gonna get sick of seeing your mug plastered all over the newspaper which is why changing it up is a great thing. Rather than relying on the newspaper and online ads, and people asking me to do things, I send out emails to magazines, radio stations, bloggers, and ask them if they would like to do an interview, or for me to write a guest blog post.
3.) There is always more to do and to achieve, so don’t take it for granted. You work your arse off to achieve your dreams, so never be complacent. Success can be taken away from you waaay faster than it is initially achieved. Stay grounded, always stay hungry for more success; keep the work ethic strong, and the hustle switch always on.
4.) Nothing is impossible. If people tell me that my dream of becoming a full-time author is impossible, my reply would be this: “What about Stephen King, JK Rowling, Agatha Christie, Suzanne Collins, Jason Matthews, Jodi Picoult?” These few authors that I have named are solid proof that wanting to be a full-time is not impossible, but rather, possible.
5.) The “F**K it!” attitude does work for some things. Let me explain: there have been times when I have been sitting at my computer, deliberating over whether or not I should send so and so an email telling them about my books etc. Then a voice floats into my brain and says “F**K it, you have nothing to lose,” and I send the email. And you know what? All of those times I have thought “F**K it!” and have sent said emails, I have received POSITIVE replies!
6.) Finally, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s Instagram posts are inspirational and very motivating. I remember one post where he said he had been on (roughly – I can’t remember the specifics) a twelve hour flight, and was about to hit the gym (his Iron Paradise), and then go to a meeting! He is the definition of hustle.

I have a feeling that I should wrap up this blog post with a couple of quotes from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson:

“The road to success and greatness is always paved with consistent hard work. Outwork your competitors, be authentic, and above all else, chase your greatness.” – Dwayne Johnson

“Be humble. Be hungry. And always be the hardest worker in the room.” – Dwayne Johnson