Faigy Liebermann's Blog

HOW I SUPPORTED AN ACCESS TO WORK CLIENT TO GET THE FUNDING THEY DESERVED

I wanted to share a recent experience to highlight how I can support you through the challenges that may arise when working with Access to Work (ATW) caseworkers. It’s not uncommon for clients to feel judged, second-guessed, or frustrated by caseworkers, especially when they don’t fully understand the complexity of ADHD-related needs.

Watch the full story here.

A recent client of mine faced a difficult situation that is a perfect example of why I’m here to help. She applied for ATW funding back in August, and unexpectedly, her caseworker contacted her out of the blue. The caseworker became suspicious after seeing that I had briefly opened and then closed a CIC (Community Interest Company) for my services, leading to accusations of “scamming” based on a simple administrative detail that had no bearing on the actual support I provide

This was just the beginning. The caseworker was extremely resistant to providing the necessary ADHD-specific coaching and only approved a small number of generic coaching sessions at a lower rate. Despite this, my client continued to face pushback, and the caseworker even refused to acknowledge my correct business details, including my PO Services trading name.

What happened next?

I stayed with my client every step of the way. We communicated through WhatsApp for over 15 minutes while she was speaking to the caseworker. I guided her on what to say to the caseworker during the call.

Together, we managed to navigate this challenging situation. Without my support, my client would not have been able to advocate for herself effectively. This experience demonstrates why my approach goes beyond just helping you fill out forms. I provide real-time, personalised guidance, to help you get the funding and support you’re entitled to, even when dealing with difficult caseworkers.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure about navigating this process,I am here for you. Reach out to me.  I’m here for you and will ensure you receive the support you need throughout.

Message me on my personal number, 0780 515 9803, to book your 10 minute free call.

Watch the full story here.

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7 Ways to Stay Calm During the Christmas Season

The Christmas season means lots of preparations and family time in abundance. As an ADHD mum with ADHD children, are you dreading this time of year? Are you wondering how you  will survive this time of year? You are not alone. As an ADHD mum myself, with 5 ADHD children, I have struggled many years to stay sane during many family gatherings. Here are my top 7 tried and tested methods that have helped me to navigate many challenging family situations.

Fill yourself up

Those with ADHD tend to focus on others more than they focus on themselves. This leads to
overworking, stress, overwhelm and illness.

You are constantly giving to those around you. This time of year can be draining. It is vital
that you fill yourself up every day with an activity that refreshes you. If you have worked
hard at creating a good routine such as exercise, meditation or something else that
nourishes your soul, at this time of year it is so easy to just drop it and let it go. By keeping
up your routines you will be guaranteed a more successful and easy transition into the new
year.

Prioritise

The problem with ADHD is that those who have ADHD find it very hard to focus on one
thing. They tend to focus on the many things going on around them. This leads to
overachieving, overwhelm and burnout.

Decide ahead of time what do you define as a successful family gathering? Is it the stress in
creating an elaborate menu, or is it the wonderful memories that we will make with your loved
ones? Decide what is important to you and stick to it no matter what. How can you create
lifelong family memories? Your family members are gathering together because they want to
spend time with you. The food is a plus, however they want you.

Deep breaths

When you get stressed and tense, your “fight flight freeze” mechanism goes into high alert.
You may unknowingly hold in your breath, and restrict your breathing. This stops oxygen
from flowing to our brain, our stress levels become higher and thinking processes become
muddled. Next time you get stressed, take some deep breathes and notice yourself
becoming calmer and more focused.

Lower your expectations

Are you a perfectionist? A common ADHD trait. Perfectionists, run themselves ragged, trying
to achieve the impossible.

Simplify your menus. I know you might feel like you are cheating. But honestly speaking is
there an element of perfectionism involved here?

Do you know that perfection doesn’t exist
in this world. Do you know that you are setting ourselves up for failure by striving to reach
heights that are beyond us. Psychologists point out that we need to replace striving for
perfection with striving for excellence or good enough.

Lower your standards. Who are you
trying to impress by your elaborate preparations? What will you gain by working yourself
ragged?

Expect things to not go as planned

Flexible thinking is a crucial life skill. One that needs to be taught. Expect to make mistakes.

You don’t have to get it right all the time, some of the time is simply good enough. When you
are mentally prepared for mishaps you will be able to handle them better and overcome
them and move on swiftly. Can you find the sense of humour in the mishaps that are bound
to happen? By laughing over them you create teaching moments for your loved ones.
Remember the following, “Humour is tragedy plus time. “Carol burnett.

Prepare for the next phase before it happens

Foresight, or prospective thinking is another skill. If you have ADHD you may find this one
really difficult. This is a skill that you can learn.
This crucial aspect of our planning is often overlooked. Life will move on. This season will
soon be over with.

Prepare ahead and you will manage the transition phase with grace and
ease. On your last day of work before Christmas, simply write a plan of to-do tasks to get to
once you get back to the office into the new year. This tool will help to ground you and
keep you focused. You will actually enjoy the festive season more when you do this.

Switch off your devices

I dare you to try the following. During family meals encourage all members to turn off their
devices and phones. See what a difference it makes to your family time.

This season will pass and with a bit of foresight and planning you will be left with lasting
family memories.

I will be celebrating Chanukah, but no matter what you celebrate, I wish you calm and true inner peace to navigate your life.

If you have ADHD, you can now get funding for FREE ADHD coaching to support you at work.

Find out more here.

 

Email me

The post 7 Ways to Stay Calm During the Christmas Season first appeared on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.

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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADHD COACHING ADHD THERAPY?

I often get asked the following question: What is the difference between coaching and therapy. There are many forms of tools that can assist one to overcome problems. There is coaching, consulting, mentoring, parenting, and therapy. The following idea will help explain some of the differences. Let’s look at how each of the above forms of “therapists” go about supporting the individual who is having a difficult time learning to ride a bicycle.

THERAPIST

Therapist  – Goes through the baggage that you may be carrying that may be holding you back form being able to ride successfully. The therapist goes through the root cause of your fears around riding, and falling off your bicycle. The therapist asks you questions like if your parents rode, and explains to you why that question is a valid question, and how that can influence your current challenge in learning to ride a bicycle. The therapist will explain the importance for your self-esteem and self-confidence if you learn to ride.

MENTOR

Mentor –  Shares their personal experience of learning to ride a bicycle, and will give you tips and advice on the most effective way to ride a bicycle. The mentor may hold a position that they know better than you because of their past experience. They will advise you on the best bike to buy, and top tips like how to change a tyre. The mentor will warn you about potential dangers of traffic and how to deal with it effectively.

PARENT

Parent  – Will buy the bike for you, may put on and take off the training wheels when they think you are ready. The parent runs next to you as you are learning to ride and cheers you on until you can ride independently. The parent may occasionally threaten to take away riding privileges if you don’t listen to ground rules.

CONSULTANT

Consultant  – Is the expert in understanding and teaching the mechanics of riding a bike. The consultant will teach you the laws of physics, what you need to do for optimum balance, and how the bicycle is propelled forward. The consultant will advise you where to sit and put your feet and when to pedal. The consultant may even suggest a training program to upgrade your riding skills or your bicycle. When you have learned to ride, the consultant leaves.

COACH

Coach – Listens to your dream to ride a bike. Asks you if you need instructions and if you know where to get them from. The coach will ask if you like the colour and model of the bike. They may even go with you to choose one and help you get on it. The coach runs alongside you as you are learning to ride and will ask if you are enjoying the experience. The coach will ask you what you need to do take care of yourself  if you fall. The coach will ask you to reflect back on your experience and ask you if you have any future goals in the area of riding a bicycle. If you do have further plans, the coach will ask you what those plans would be and how you will reach those goals. If you don’t want to continue riding, the coach may ask you if you would like to sell the bike.

The coaching process is an equal partnership between the coach and client. They both work together to understand the client’s challenges, and create strategies to navigate the obstacles that prevent the client from achieving his goals. Coaching focuses almost entirely on the ‘here and now’, paying minimal heed to the client’s past, other than to provide the context necessary to relate to the client’s life in the present. A qualified ADHD coach understands that the individual does not purposely choose to sabotage his potential. The coach will guide the client to appreciate his unique talents and to see that they are just as capable and creative as anyone else. The client simply requires a different shaped key to unlock the vault of his potential.

ADHD COACH

ADHD coaching – An ADHD coach possesses  the regular skills that a coach has and more.

For those with ADHD, therapy and regular coaching are not the answer. A specialised coach who has undergone extensive training in ADHD, and who likely has personal experience with ADHD,in themselves or a family member,  will provide you with  insights into how your ADHD challenges may be holding you back from reaching your goals, and is equipped with specialist ADHD tools to help you manage your life.

It is critical that someone with ADHD consults an ADHD coach, as opposed to a regular life coach.

A certified ADHD coach has the knowledge and skills to explain how ADHD affects the development, structure and activity of the brain. They can help their clients to use this understanding to develop the most appropriate strategies for moving forward.

PROBLEMS UNIQUE TO ADHD

To give just a few examples, only a certified ADHD coach understands:

Why those with ADHD perform better when there are deadlines and how to use specific tools to create more deadlines.Why those with ADHD are not lazy, and how to understand the difference between lazinesss and lack of motivation, and how to find the key to the client’s inner self-motivation.The benefit of an accountability partner, who will check in to ensure that the person with ADHD is on track with their goals.How to counteract the ADHD brain’s tendency towards impulsive behaviour by developing the ability to pause.Why fidget spinners are of little use to children with ADHD whereas other fidget toys could be invaluable.Why incentives are so much more effective as behaviour modification tools than punishments.How to easily access you special super powers associated with your ADHD.

 

HOW I CAN HELP YOU

I have an ADHD diagnosis. My husband has an ADHD diagnosis. All my 5 children have an ADHD diagnosis. We have all been on ADHD medication, either in the past or currently. 

I live daily with the struggles of ADHD. I live and breath the ADHD tools that I share with my clients.  When they relate some ADHD difficulty or mishap, they don’t need to spend lots of time explaining the diffiuclty. I get it. And we often laugh together. This support is invaluable. My ADHD clients have never shared some of their ADHD difficulties that they are deeply ashamed of.

You need an ADHD life coach who hasn’t just done one module of training in ADHD. You owe it to yourself to get a coach who IS ADHD through and through; who sees the world through ADHD eyes; who breathes ADHD; who lives the ADHD success life despite their ADHD and of course who has trained with a world renowned ADHD certification program.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADHD COACHING AND THERAPY?

The difference between ADHD coaching and therapy is:

When my client tells me “She feels so unfocused and doesn’t know if she is coming or going” I don’t dump her, like an EMDR therapist did to my client. The EMDR therapist said that if she was so unfocused, then she refused to work with her, she said it was a sign that the therapy wasn’t working…  When she feels unfocused, I support her and give over tools to help her become more focused and grounded.When I ask my client a question I listen patiently when it takes her longer to formulate an answer, and her answer is more verbal, than someone who hasn’t got ADHD. And I know how to move the session onwards, and finish on time.When I have a phone session with a client, and sense that she has lost focus, I am calm, and patient and I wait till her focus comes back to the session. I don’t lose patience with her and tell her off like a psychotherapist said to my client. She had attended sessions for 18 months, and the psychotherapist never once realised that she may have ADHD. I picked it up after the first session.I never assume that my client will remember the homework goals. I always email them the homework goals after the session.

All types of therapies have a place in managing ADHD, only if the practitioner has a thorough understanding, preferably personal understanding of ADHD.

Learn more about ADHD and alcohol in my groundbreaking book “Own Your ADHD”

If you live in the UK, you can now receive FREE ADHD coaching.

You, and only you, control your success.

Message me via WhatsApp to find out more. Here is my personal number, 0780 515 9803.

I look forward to hearing from you.

xxx Faigy

Email me

The post The Difference Between ADHD Coaching and Therapy for ADHD first appeared on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.

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Dangers of Alcohol consumption in ADHD

The dangers of alcohol abuse and brain damage in those with ADHD is real.

Let’s talk about ADHD and alcohol abuse.

Do you want to know why you should never offer alcohol to teens especially those with ADD/ADHD?? Read these ADD/ADHD facts and find out the truth about ADD/ADHD and substance abuse.

7% of children between 3 and 17 have ADD/ADHD.Studies of adults with ADD/ADHD have found co-occurring alcohol abuse disorders at rates ranging from 17% to 45% and drug abuse or dependence at rates ranging from 9% to 30%Studies show that those with ADD/ADHD are more likely to develop an alcohol abuse problems over the course of their life.

The risk of substance abuse gets reduced by 85% for those treated with ADHD medications

A very high percentage of those with ADD/ADHD never get properly diagnosed. Tragically many get misdiagnosed with depression, bipolar, personality disorder to name just a few. Contrary to popular opinion, when those with ADD/ADHD are treated with ADHD medication, the risk for alcohol abuse is dramatically reduced.      Studies have found that those with ADHD who are not diagnosed and treated have a far higher risk of falling into addictions.

The reasons why those with untreated ADD/ADHD are far more likely to suffer from addictions is not fully understood. There is a theory that those with ADD/ADHD have an altered dopamine response. Dopamine, the reward (feel good) neurochemical, may be released in lesser amounts in those with ADHD, causing them a lessened inability to feel normal pleasure. They may need to seek out normal pleasure levels through intoxication or thrill seeking behaviours. Although alcohol can produce temporary symptoms betterment, over time the ADD/ADHD symptoms will worsen.

Alcohol-Related Brain Damage (ARBD), is an umbrella term for the damage that        drinking causes to the brain as a result of long-term heavy drinking.

Over time drinking too much alcohol can change the way the brain works. This can bring some very serious consequences such as personality changes, and problems with thinking, mood, memory and learning. Giving a teen just one drink can start a lifetime of struggle. So ask yourself is it worth it?

Typical ADHD symptoms

RestlessnessImpulsivityLack of focusThrill seeking activitiesForgetfulnessAnger issuesIrritability

It is imperative that those with ADD/ADHD get the help that they need.

Learn more about ADHD and alcohol in my groundbreaking book “Own Your ADHD”

If you live in the UK, you can now receive FREE ADHD coaching. You, and only you, control your success.

Message me via WhatsApp to find out more. Here is my personal number, 0780 515 9803. I look forward to hearing from you.

Email me

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How I Live With my Imposter Syndrome

This is what I experience every day as a woman with ADHD:

The intense pressure of being expected to excel and constantly expecting to fail, the crippling inner shame, and intense guilt and anxiety, feeling frazzled, and being clueless how to explain why my ADHD brain won’t focus to those who need to know is totally draining. ADHD in women is largely unknown in the UK, misdiagnosed and largely goes untreated.

My Online Courses and my Imposter Syndrome

I created 15 popular online courses, choc full of ADHD knowledge and hands-on, simple and life changing  tools. The feedback I get is phenomenal. Yet my Imposter Syndrome and my Perfectionism,  two common traits in  those with ADHD, stop me from feeling a real sense of satisfaction and achievement. I have more courses that are gathering dust in my google drive folder because I feel too ashamed to publish them. My Perfectionism doesn’t let me share them with the world. Until recently I didn’t think they were good enough to spread with the wider audience.

 I have shared these courses with my clients. They loved the course content and they gave genuine positive feedback. Why haven’t I made them available for more ADHD women to benefit from?  The reason… I am terrified that these  courses are either, not professional enough, outdated, or just not good enough…

I have worked so hard on addressing my Imposter Syndrome (Perfectionism) in my life, and there is still so much to work on.

ADHD Success Comes Through Facing More Fears

I have bravely faced those google drive folders, and my ADHD shame of “not being good enough”  I have decided to either bin them or edit/expand and publish them…

My fears of “not being good enough” were totally unfounded. Fear stands for “False Expectations Appearing Real.”

My video editor spruced up the videos and totally transformed them!

If even one person learns something about their ADHD, this will be worth it.

Success is Your Action. Results come from G-d.

This blog was originally posted on my previous website in 2021. Since posting this blog, I turned those google drive videos into online courses.

Check out my 15 ADHD self-help courses on my Udemy Platform.

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Who Has the Most Influence to Support Your ADHD Child?

I am an ADHD mum of 5 children.

I work mightily hard to practise the tools that I share with my ADHD clients.

In fact, this is one of the secrets to my success in the ADHD arena. I can only share an ADHD skill with an ADHD client when I live by that skill on a daily basis.

This story happened recently in my home.

It was around 9.30am. I had been upstairs for a while. When I entered the kitchen, my son, aged 10, looked at me a bit sheepish. I knew that look too well.

I had bought him two small remote control cars. One was for playing with, and one was for “taking apart” and experimenting. My son, is a techy geek. He has created all sorts of remote control machines and contraptions.

“Mum, the car broke.” (See the blog image.)

I took a deep breath. And focused on staying calm.

(This skill took me years to develop. More about that another time.)

We discussed his commitment to only taking apart one car, not two.

I was puzzled. It wasn’t like him to be so impulsive.

What would you have done?

I asked him to share with me more. Then I looked at the clock, and then I looked at his empty cereal bowl.

My intuition was right, yet again. He hadn’t taken his ADHD meds yet.  The tablet was exactly where I had left it…

He forgot to take it…

Before I said anything else, I got into my “sergeant major mode.” 

I pointed to the tablet. “First take your meds, then we will speak.”

After he took his meds. We discussed how the meds helps him to have that pause, that split second break from the idea to executing it.

He understood the message.

He looked so sad and scared.

I emphasised that this was a very worthwhile experience, because he learned an important lesson. Take your meds pronto. The meds really does help manage impulsivity.

If you have a child with ADHD, your child will likely make far more mistakes than a non-ADHD child. Such is life.

You need specialist parenting strategies.

You need expert tools to support you to listen to your intuition.

You need expert tools to support you to be your ADHD child’s best advocate.

Believe me, with 5 ADHD children, its not easy, however it’s the most rewarding job in the world.

My goal as a mum of an ADHD child is to TEACH and EMPOWER my child to channel their strengths in the right way. My goal is to guide my ADHD child to learn from life. The most common phrase in our home is “What did you learn from this?” I practise what I teach. You will often hear me sharing my daily experiences, mishaps and successes with my children and sharing with them what I learned from the experience. This is the best way to teach your ADHD child.

My goal is NOT to punish my child.  Children, and especially ADHD children never learn that way.

My son got the lesson alright.

I plan to buy him the same car again in a week or two. No, I am not spoiling my son. I am teaching him a lesson. I am showing him that I believe that he will learn the lessons from his mistakes that he needs to learn.

I am showing him that I love him, no matter what.

As a mum of an ADHD child, you have the most influence to support your ADHD child. Its not your child’s teacher, Senco, therapist, or psychiatrist. Its you, and you only. You can work miracles, quickly, easily, and its FREE!!!

How do I know this? I have seen the transformational changes that my ADHD clients, mums of ADHD children, have made in their lives and the lives of their ADHD children.

I have seen the unbelievable long-term changes in my home, and my ADHD children over the years.

Stop giving your power way. Its time to gather your power back.

More specialist tools in my flagship ADHD self-help course for ADHD mums.

You can now get FREE ADHD coaching funded by Access to Work. I will support you through the entire process.

Learn more here.

Email me

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Top Tips to Help Your ADHD Child Thrive in School This Year

In this blog I will be sharing some of my best tips how to help your ADHD child succeed in school.         

As I do not know you or your situation personally, you’ll need to take these ideas and adapt them to your unique situation.

The new school year comes around so quickly.        

Before you know, it’s time for them to be back in school. The new school year is a time for new opportunities and change. As a parent of a child with ADHD you are the best person to help your child succeed in any school year.

However the best ADHD success ideas in the world will be useless if your ADHD child is not be motivated to carry them through.

IF your child has ADHD they will find boring tasks especially difficult to carry out through to completion. This is one source of your ADHD child’s lateness.

There is more info about this and more tools in my  groundbreaking book “Own Your ADHD”.

THE TIME-TIMER TO MOTIVATE YOUR CHILD

One way to motivate your child is to create a race against the clock. Try to get those boring tasks done within a certain time frame. This works well because when your child starts to move their body they activate the chemical dopamine in their brain. Part of the ADHD challenge is an imbalance of this vital chemical. Dopamine is the motivator hormone. Use a timer. I use the TIME TIMER. You can buy it on Amazon.

I use these amazing timers for my family. I have one upstairs hanging next to the tooth brushing station. I have one in the kitchen and one in the playroom.  They come in various sizes; I like the 12 inch version for the home the best as it is so big but the 8 inch is great value and I take the 3 inch pocket timetimer with me to client sessions.

THE THREE PHASES OF TIME

The timetimer     is far better than digital timers because it shows the three phases of time, past, present and future. Children with ADHD often have difficulty assessing time. The timetimer helps you to ground them in space and time.     

There is a hook to hang up the timer, so it is visible in the entire room. There is a loud buzzer that sounds to announce that time is up. You can choose to turn off the buzzer if you so wish. The buzzer on the 12 inch timer is so loud, I can hear it two flights up. This is so important because one of the common challenges that your child faces is that they get easily distracted and move onto other tasks.

The loud buzzer pulls them back to the current task.

TEACH YOUR CHILD PROSPECTIVE THINKING TOOLS

Your ADHD child lives on two phases, “now” and “not now.” The present, “the now” exists, the future, “the not now” does not. Your ADHD child will find it very difficult to visualise what is coming next especially a little further into the future such as in a week’s time.

This is called prospective thinking, and is a vital tool for school and life success.

If your child finds it difficult to visualise the future this will make it very hard to plan for the future. One reason why your ADHD child gets into trouble (read not done homework etc) is because they fail to plan because they fail to see the future and the future consequences of their actions or inactions. You can teach your child this skill little by little. Start a week before school.

Informally ask your child what the time is, then ask them what subject they think they will be learning this time next week. Turn this into a fun game. By doing this you will sew the seeds to help your child think about and visualise the future.

Check out my groundbreaking Udemy courses supporting ADHD mums here.

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What is Mummy Brain?

Have you heard of the expression called “Mommy Brain?”

 I experience “Mummy Brain many times a day. Sometimes they are more dramatic…

For our summer holidays, we stay in the UK, usually holidaying in a small cottage in North Wales. I take the children, and travel by train, while my husband packs up the car and drives to the holiday house.

This story happened on our way home from our annual summer holidays. The past 2 years at the end of the holidays, we had departed from the main station, Holyhead. This year we departed from a very small station near our location.  There are a handful of trains that stop at the station every day. I read the name of the main station on the ticket, I heard my husband mention many times that this year we would depart from the main station. He said the name of the station, a number of times. Guess what…

I still booked a taxi to the small out of the way station. I was surprised when the train, a super fast intercity, did not stop at the station… I checked my tickets and I realised my mistake…

The science behind “Mummy brain” is working memory deficit.

There is a system in the brain called the working memory.  The working memory  is a cognitive system that temporarily holds a limited capacity of information for processing for a short amount of time.  

The working memory is vital for optimal daily functioning.  The average person’s working memory can  be compared to a small table that can only hold around 4-7 items of information at one time.  When a mother has the capacity to hold 4 items in her  working memory, when a 5th item is placed on her “working memory table” one of the other 4 gets dropped off.  This partly explains the phenomenon of “Mummy brain.” When the brain is loaded with more information, then this stresses the working memory, and memory capacity lessens.  Exhaustion greatly contributes to temporary “Mummy brain.”

Exhaustion can reduce the working memory to 1 or zero.  Let me stress that mild processing issues can become worse with exhaustion and stress. One can hear one thing, and understand something completely different. This can have disasterous consequences.

Many of our clients who suffer from “Mummy brain” greatly benefit from improved time planning  and organisation skills. We find that our clients already have a  good base level of  organisation and time skills, however the great responsibility of motherhood, and the stresses of daily life necessitate an upgrade in one’s skills.  Clients report that improving one’s skills creates an inner anchor of calm and stability.  This improvement has been noted to quiet the white noise that is common with “Mummy brain” and improve one’s focus and overall functioning.

More in depth understanding about working memory deficit and how to overcome it in my book, “Own Your ADHD – Discover Your True Potential.”

 

 

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My ADHD Medication Journey

Mental health professionals who specialise in diagnosing ADHD often overlook the most challenging symptom of ADHD; the emotional world of their patients.

The root of the ADHD difficulty is the inability to manage and successfully control emotions. Anger management issues, overreacting without thinking things through, being super-sensitive to criticism, overwhelming negative thought patterns, depression, anxiety, overwhelm shutdown, crippling fear and worry are just some of the symptoms of the ADHD emotional dysfunction.

More in-depth info about this in my book, “Own Your ADHD”

Difficulties in regulating intense positive emotions lie on the opposite side of the scale.

These emotional difficulties have a far greater impact than the attention difficulties. Emotional self-regulation affects every part of a person’s life. You can forgive your friend for arriving late, or spacing out for a few minutes during a conversation. It will be much harder to forgive your friend for lashing out at you. Driving and criminal offences will not be overlooked due to ADHD either. Tragically, a very high proportion of people in prison have ADHD.

When a client mentions that they may have ADHD, I am more concerned with their levels of emotional self-regulation than their difficulty focusing.

ADHD treatment needs to focus primarily on becoming self-aware and learning how to recognise and control irregular and often overwhelming and stormy emotions.

Here are the top 3 difficulties in ADHD women.

Poor (or non-existent) working memoryHigh emotional volatilityAnxiety/non-stop thoughts that destroy one’s peace of mind

 

MY JOURNEY ON THE ADHD MEDS

I only received a formal ADHD diagnosis in November 2019. An ADHD professional. advised me that I should get an ADHD assessment since he claimed that I clearly showed the classical signs of ADHD. I knew that I had an “ADHD Personality” however I still didn’t really believe that I had ADHD. I decided to get assessed because I wanted to understand what my ADHD clients went through during their ADHD Assessments. I got diagnosed with “A severe case of ADHD.” I decided to try medication so that I could understand my clients. I was still convinced that I did not really have ADHD, and the meds wouldn’t work right? I was prescribed Concerta.

The first week I took one 18mg tablet. You know what they say, if the ADHD meds works then you have ADHD without a doubt. If they don’t work, then you probably don’t have ADHD. The first week the meds had no effect. The second week I was very eager to see if there was a difference when taking 2 tables (36mg)

I was disappointed that I felt no difference in the first week. Maybe I didn’t have ADHD after all…

During week 2 I took 2 tablets for 3 days then I forgot to take the dose for two days. On the 5th day I left the house early for an appointment, I was aware of a distinctly nervous feeling and I was aware that I was driving too fast. I realised I hadn’t felt like this in a while. I realised that the meds must be working after all… OK, I must have ADHD…

I got back at 10am and took 2 tablets. Since I hadn’t taken them for 2 days, I felt a bit “off.” I pushed through. Around 2pm I noticed that I felt calmer.

This was on Friday. I am Jewish and we observe the Sabbath. Sabbath comes in at sundown. In the winter this is really early around 3.30pm.

After I had lit the Sabbath candles, I sat down with my 7-year-old son to play with him. This is our weekly ritual. Every week I tell him that this is the best time of the week for me! I tell him that I just love to play with him and can’t wait for this time. I don’t tell him that it is the hardest time of the week…This week I sat down and played a game with my 7-year-old son for 45 minutes without getting up once.

I listened to a detailed account from my teenage daughter for 20 minutes…with patience and focus. Her story was actually interesting for the first time ever.

Suddenly everything is coming into focus. I feel like my glasses prescription has been fixed and I didn’t even know it was faulty… I am not looking out at the world in a fog anymore.

The most amazing change is, that food is no longer “talking to me” and “pulling me”

For the last 3 years I’ve had a diet coach attend my home for weekly sessions. I am 5 foot 5 inches, and a regular size 14. Since forever, and especially the last 5 years I have felt that something was “off.” It was so very hard to eat a balanced diet and maintain self-control.

Since starting on the meds, my level of feeling in control regarding food has turned around 360 degrees.

I am far less tempted to take a quick nibble or bite. This is even when the meds where off. Pre-meds, I would have had a mighty hard daily battle with myself not to eat any. I am so delighted that one of the side effects of taking ADHD meds is reduced appetite! The medication helps to control the unmanaged impulsivity, one of the deficits of ADHD.

There was a minor extended family crisis on Friday afternoon. I handled it calmly. Later that evening, I discussed this incident with my daughter and my husband. Listening to myself, I couldn’t believe that I was able to keep my voice at a calm level, and calmly explain myself… This had NEVER happened before… No hysterical histrionics, no drama queen… Just clear, calm and solution oriented. My thoughts were focused and I could work through the problem. No more jumbled tangled mess; just one thought at a time.

I have been on ADHD meds for over 2 years. I still feel an intense feeling of relief every single day, when I feel the meds starting to kick in.

TO TAKE ADHD MEDS OR NOT TO TAKE MEDS?

Many people are wary about getting an ADHD diagnosis or label. It doesn’t matter what label you have. The label doesn’t define who you are. It defines your symptoms. If the ADHD meds works, then who cares what label you have. The most important thing is that you can have a better quality of life. You only have one life, why should your life be harder just because you have ADHD?

Parents tell me that they are not giving their child ADHD medication. Please consider the following fact. If your child has type 1 diabetes, this means that the body doesn’t produce the hormone insulin. Without that, the body can’t properly get the energy and fuel it needs from glucose. Your child needs a daily insulin injection. Preventing this treatment is cruel and life threatening.

If your child has ADHD, their brain has a deficiency in dopamine and norepinephrine. This means that ADHD is a physical condition, just like type 1 diabetes. Administering the ADHD meds has been found to increase the dopamine levels in the brain and improve the attention in those with ADHD.

ADHD is a physical condition just like type 1 diabetes. The meds work. If your child has ADHD,  you owe it to your child to let them try it out. If you have ADHD, you owe it to yourself to get assessed and try the meds. See the difference that it can make in your life. If one type of medication doesn’t work, don’t give up. Just try another one until you experience change. You need to persevere.

Learn focused, hands-on ADHD tools in my book, “Own Your ADHD”

SUCCESSFUL ADHD MANAGEMENT IS PILLS AND SKILLS

ADHD meds only support between 30-50% of the ADHD deficits. The rest is life skills learned through  ADHD coaching, which gives you the skills that your ADHD brain is lacking.

The ADHD meds help manage mood and focus, that is all. They don’t improve the level of your working memory, or your organisation, time management, or decision-making. These needs to be learned through a specialist ADHD coach.

ADHD symptoms, especially in women, often worsen as women approach the peri-menopause stage.

I have achieved the impossible without meds, working mightily hard to create and stick to routines and ADHD friendly changes in my life and my family, and helping countless clients to manage their ADHD successfully. If I would relive my life, I would have taken the meds from age 5! Life is thought. Why should your life be more challenging than it already is?

MANAGING ANXIETY

Now I understand why super high anxiety wasn’t shifting, no matter how many therapy sessions I attended, and how many hours of mindfulness exercises I carried out. I now know that my anxiety was caused/worsened through my unmanaged ADHD those chemicals in the brain that were unbalanced. My intense nature, my very high and very low moods are common among those with ADHD, especially women.

Being medicated for my ADHD has helped me work through problems that crop up in a calm manner.

I own my impulsivity, that inner drive that pushes me to do things that neurotypical people would think twice before doing… This is to my advantage. If I can help more women with ADHD unlock their potential, it will all be worthwhile.

Learn tools to declutter your home and your mind in my most popular Udemy course.

WHAT DO YOU TACKLE FIRST, THE PILLS OR THE SKILLS?

Most of my clients don’t have an ADHD diagnosis and they are making huge strides. If you think that you or your child may have ADHD, the first step is to get an ADHD assessment. Please bear in mind that every situation is unique. You will encounter many paths that lead to the top of the mountain. It doesn’t matter which path you choose. Just long stay on that path until you reach the summit. In an ideal world getting your ADHD diagnosis and meds should come first before you learn the skills. When your brain is supported, it is so much easier to implement the ADHD tools that your ADHD coach will teach you.

If you prefer to get your ADHD diagnosis before starting ADHD coaching, this may just be a trap. It can take months to get an appointment, and even longer until your ADHD is well medicated.  The only time you have is now. Use it wisely.

Dr. Raun Melmed runs the Melmed Centre in the USA. He specialises in ADHD and ASD. Dr. Melmed issued a very strong statement that if doctors are prescribing ADHD medications without also prescribing other supports such as coaching, they are using the medications off-label, and illegally, because the pharmaceutical companies now clearly state that the medications alone are not enough. He sees the clinics of the future including not just diagnosticians, but care-coordinators, professional organisers, and ADHD coaches. (ACO Conference 2014).

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The post My ADHD Medication Journey first appeared on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.

The post My ADHD Medication Journey appeared first on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.

Mindfulness, A Powerful ADHD Tool

MINDFULNESS AS A TOOL FOR IMPROVED FOCUS

Do you ever feel empty or restless? Do your thoughts overwhelm you? Do you feel tense, and want to relax your body, but you don’t know how to? Do you ever feel a strong yearning, and you have no idea where this comes from, what this feeling means, and what you are supposed to do with it?  Do you sense that there is something great waiting for you, but it seems to be just out of your reach?

This may be a sign that you have lost touch with yourself. We all lose touch with ourselves as we travel through life. Perhaps you are going through a tough time financially. Perhaps you are in an abusive relationship, and you don’t know how you got there. Maybe you have chosen a career that does not fit in with who you really want to be.

Deep inside you there is a voice, it is the voice of your soul. Your soul is spiritual, it is a part of G-d. It knows the answers to your questions.  If you are very still, you can hear it’s message.

As life goes by and you get busier, you drown out the soul voice inside you by busying  yourself with technology and life’s past-times. 

Mindfulness has been around for a very long time.  In the last 10 years it has become more popular as the benefits of mindfulness have become better understood.

The mindfulness that I advocate for my ADHD clients is not the classic one, where you sit still and do nothing while meditating on your thoughts.  While this form of mindfulness is powerfully therapeutic, most people, myself included, don’t have the time or patience for that. Creating a mindfulness practise is surprisingly simple and easy to integrate into your daily life. I like to call them “Active mindfulness” exercises. Small chunks of mindful focus throughout your day, that will keep you grounded, centred, and open to the opportunities that are coming your way, and most importantly can actually change certain parts of your brain.

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS AND HOW DOES IT WORK?

Mindfulness is about paying attention to your thoughts and emotions as they occur in the present moment. It is about focusing on your current activity. Mindfulness is about focusing on your breathing.  Mindfulness is about coming out of your head, and being fully present inside your body. 

Due to stress and bad habits we fall back on learned practises which are often negative. Mindfulness is an active training of the mind to increase awareness and choice.  Being mindful makes it easier to be creative in the moment, to increase your moment to moment choice, and take on positive actions. By mindfully focusing on the positive, you can change the way you perceive the world, and thereby how the world responds to you. Mindfulness can open up opportunities for you that were open to you, but your mind was closed to them.

When you start a new exercise routine you train muscles that you never knew existed. Repeating those exercises strengthens those muscles. When you practise mindfulness, you strengthen different parts of the brain; parts that you never knew existed. Since behaviour is brain based, when you strengthen parts of your brain, you naturally alter your behaviour in ways you couldn’t previously access.

When you practise the mindfulness exercises you get off from operating in auto-pilot mode, being influenced by past experiences and emotions, and you can learn to live in the present. Mindfulness helps you to increase your conscious capacity to make positive choices during stress.  You can then work through life’s challenges in a clear-minded, calm, assertive way.  Mindfulness is tremendously calming for your mind and body.  It really is that simple. Mindfulness helps you cope better with stress and everyday life.

Mindfulness can help you manage your feelings of wellbeing and mental health.  With good mental health you can access your potential, cope better with life, and be a more functional, contributing member of your society.

By repeating the simple mindfulness exercises you can improve your focus and attention span.  This is because your brain can rewire itself based on any behaviour that you reinforce through repetitive action.  Focus and attention are one of the main challenges associated with ADHD.  By practising mindfulness you can really increase the length of time that you can focus on tasks.  You can increase your ability to transition easily from one task to another.

 

Parents with a child with ADHD are under chronic stress.  Stress undermines the brain’s ability to choose appropriate reactions to stress.  Unfortunately it is easy to fall back on old habits and be reactive to the situation. Mindfulness helps parents choose appropriate action, diffuse the moment and cope better day to day.

No matter where you are in life, active mindfulness can transform your life.

WHY DOES MINFDULNESS WORK?

Just like brain activity, breathing is involved in everything you do.  The purpose of breathing is to get oxygen to your brain for optimal efficiency.  Breathing brings oxygen from the air into your body and blows off waste products like carbon dioxide.  Every cell in your body needs oxygen in order to function properly.  Brain cells are particularly sensitive to oxygen levels.  Brain cells start to die within 4 minutes of being deprived of oxygen.  Slight changes in oxygen content in the brain start to have a big impact on brain function and your mood and behaviour. 

Your brain needs oxygen for optimal functioning. When a person has a stressful reaction his or her breathing changes right away.  Breathing becomes more shallow and the rate increases dramatically.  This form of breathing is inefficient and the oxygen content in the angry person’s blood is significantly lowered.  As a result there is less oxygen in the person’s brain, and they may become more irritable, impulsive and confused.  This will cause a worsening of behaviour, and poor decision making, and even violence.

Just stop what you are doing and breathe in slowly and deeply via your diaphragm.  Feel your stomach rising and falling a couple of times.  You should start to feel better.  It may take you a few attempts to master this technique.  There, you have started on your mindful journey, it really is that simple.

Once you have learnt some simple mindful tools you will have a free portable and powerful technique that will energise you and help you focus.  Moving the energy of breathing into your body will help you feel more relaxed, and conscious, and improve your self-control. This technique will help you become more mindful, gain control over negative reactions, and even help you sleep better at night.

If you have ADHD, you can now receive FRE ADHD coaching via Access to Work, part of the DWP.

The application process can be really difficult, to say the least, convolutiong, confusing and soul destoying.

My team will support you through the entire process.

To book your 10 minute call with me, simply DM or WhatsApp 0780 515 9803.

 

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The post ADHD Mindfulness first appeared on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.

The post ADHD Mindfulness appeared first on FOCUS WITH FAIGY.