Colin Bedell's Blog

I'm consistently astonished by the length of time people can monologue without interfacing conversation from a place of genuine curiosity or interpersonal questioning.

One of the most acclaimed New York Times articles titles declared, "To Fall In Love With Anyone Do This". Drawing on psychological studies from 1997, Dr. Arthur Aaron's research concluded that meaningful "closeness" is sustained, elevated, and mutualistic self-disclosure. How can we achieve this context of closeness while self-disclosure fails to feel mutual? Since people love to monologue not dialogue? Dr. Arron's 36 questions below are the cure. 

Don't confuse Venus in Gemini with superficial, lighthearted connection. Even Venus in Gemini Shakespeare knew that love looks not with eyes but with the mind. So let's make the most of this mental, romantic transit by sustaining our connection with these questions. 

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Aries: As the first fire sign, your energy burns up a lot of social space and you prefer to keep those spaces light. But then you look like you're swallowing broken glass when you have to focus elsewhere from self-preoccupation, listen to others, or talk about heavy topics. Can you just sit still and pay attention to anything other than you for the love of God? Where'd that fire go? Or does it only burn bright when it's on the "Now Back To Me"channel? Let your focus and your love go deep. 

Taurus: How can you experience reality or see your partner while you're so willfully blind? You bury your head in the sand, cover your eyes, and close your ears when you're uncomfortable like nobody's business. Adulthood is serious business so stop being lazy and get to work. Your interpretation of "Reality" is not the only one. Compare the masterpieces of conspiracy you internally write on relationships to the specific details of your external reality. See if they all add up. Spoiler alert - they definitely don't. 

Gemini: Confusion isn't a Capital Crime but saying one thing and doing the other might as well be. Lay a powerful claim to, "I don't know. I'll tell you when I get there." because the distance between what you say and what you do sends your partners into painful emotional muscle spasms. Just stay home until you understand integrity. You look really dishonest and 'Liar' is a scarlet letter that never rubs off. 

Cancer: You passionately search for evidence of how your partner wronged you like a scavenger dog and then you wonder why you're miserable? Not everyone is out to get you. Which has you at the bottom line so recognize how selfish that motive is. Cut the suffering routine and redirect your attention elsewhere. Like your coping strategy of waiting till your relationships are up in flames before you let them go. Remember - in your defenselessness, your safety rests. 

Leo: Pride was the absolute worst of the seven deadly sins. You can abuse relationships and trample on partners because you'd rather die than admit you're wrong and/or changed your mind. And acting like you're sorry is not the same thing as admitting, "I apologize specifically for XY+Z. How can I do better?" to the people you've hurt. Grow tf up, kitty cats. The heart-ruled, vulnerable courageous royals are the most loved; not the resentful, vengeful, and pathetic. 

Virgo: How can you even begin to receive love while you're a master of self-annihilation? Like the human body, our minds cannot ingest foreign ideas without immediate expulsion. It's like swallowing aluminum foil. You relentlessly self-inflict emotional pain which isolates you deeply from receiving loving energy. Cut that shit out. You're too smart to consistently throw yourselves in harm's way. Always remember - you are worthy of love and belonging.

Libra: We often do the most work for relationships when we're not in them. But when were you single last? Or not easily distracted by meaningless stimuli? I'll wait. Schedule a great deal of alone time to strengthen the meaningful connection you're karmically bound to co-create. Because your love language looks a lot like codependence. And in the name of all this Holy - please stop being so easily dazzled by selfies and bullshit.

Scorpio: Pluto's Kings + Queens of Double Standard. "Thou must reveal every single detail to me!!!!", you rule to your servant. Oops - I meant partner. But you don't even like to disclose what you had for breakfast? On behalf of the Universe, seriously - get the fu*k over yourself. Nobody destroys their own opportunity for joy like you. Consider "trust issues" (like you're the only one who's ever had experiences of betrayal?) your biggest weapon in your powerful arsenal of all the ways you sabotage relationship. 

Sagittarius: You're often covered as the most independent, spirited sign. But you sure do give it away readily to the smoothest talker and lowest bidder. How do you get so easily talked into feelings you don't have, friendships you don't want, and relationships where you're not in love? I'm not impressed. Or buying what you selling.  Because you're one hell of an emotional performance artist but I don't think your partner wants tickets to this show. They crave your authenticity. Now give it to yourself and them. 

Capricorn: Say it with me now - vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, love, and belonging. I know you'd rather light yourself on fire than appear "weak" or say "I love you" first but get a grip, Seagoat. This isn't new.  Bears shit in the woods. Vulnerability is 100% necessary for a meaningful life. You're not respectable or tough for avoiding it. You're thin skinned, infantile, and emotionally reactive. So lose the wrestling match with reality, reveal yourself, be seen in relationships, and you'll win your love life back. 

Aquarius: I see your whole passive love style. But I think you're just lazy and emotionally inaccessible. You got this "How can I perform the least amount of emotional labor while ensuring everyone comes to me?" inner dialogue and it's so painfully boring to potential suitors. It reads like "It's all about me, but somehow I want a good relationship with you." How's that supposed to work? Share your emotional resources generously and be emotionally available to the ones who you love. Mutuality is the bottom line. 

Pisces: There's a fine line between desiring a partner who accepts/understands you versus a partner who doesn't care that you're emotionally self-indulgent at worst. Gourging on your trauma and suffering. (Like you're the only one who fights with Mommy & Daddy?) And how can they even begin the process of attempting to "understand" you when you're sloppy with verbal communication? Almost consistently vocalizing the opposite of everything you mean? No, no. We can't see in this dense fog so please meet us halfway in the nearest lighthouse, thank you very much.

"The Abduction of Psyche"  1895 by William-Adolphe Bouguereau 

Almost every astrologer will confirm the topic they're consulted the most on is love. Always love.  The romantic in me is thrilled that people are curious about ideas beyond self-identification. But the excitement is interrupted when I realize the majority believe certain sign combinations are inherently good or bad, doomed or blessed. So I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I passionately lay claim to: 

When I say compatible, I don’t mean that every pair’s dynamic is easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl (*Wink*). I look at compatibility as the energy between people that inspire - but not guarantees - the opportunity for the pair to learn how to love more deeply, authentically, and fearlessly. Now who among us learns anything, particularly love, the easy way? Exactly. Does that then make a seemingly "difficult" relationship inherently incompatible because it's not easy? Of course not. 

Surface level astrology gets it wrong but pitching a fast, fun, cheap and easy compatibility as the relationship mountaintop. I call bullshit. That thinking tries to convince us that certain pairs are inherently compatible because they require less labor; but they provide self-indulgence instead. A Course in Miracles (a self-studied curriculum of universal spiritual themes) teaches us that every relationship is an assignment. Every. Single. One. An assignment orchestrated by the Universe. So when Cupid's Arrow hits you, it's the Universe's way of getting your attention because it just orchestrated a meet cue, a relationship assignment, that's intended to create maximal soul-growth opportunity for all people involved.  A Course locates soul-growth through complete love given and received as the true mountaintop of relationships. Soul growth is messy. It's a painful process, perhaps with a prerequisite of heartbreak, anger, and betrayal...but that does not mean the relationship is incompatible. Or that the experience was in vain. Extreme cases notwithstanding, if the lesson required for soul growth is knowing when to leave the metaphorical room, to own your no, to let someone in, to extend forgiveness, how to return to someone, etc., then the relationship is still compatible. 

Composite and synastry astrological systems (the methods used to analyze two people’s birth charts) locate a wealth of specific vocabulary that contextualize how one person’s astrology uniquely correlates to another’s. Confirming that every combination is an assignment of sorts; so then every pair is “compatible”. Does that necessarily mean we will like each other, date, have sex, commit, text back, and/or get married? Fuck no. But it does call for a more elevated discussion on measuring compatibility beyond whether or not partners serve our needs as we define them. 

Most high-minded spiritual practitioners examine relationship success by their quality of lessons learned. Not by physical proximity, social frequency, or even the length of time the couple spent together. We know that two people can sleep in the same bed every night for decades while their hearts are thousands of miles away from each other. The opposite is also true. Hearts can be joined from opposite ends of the world. With proper compatibility, astrologers investigate the partnership's lesson. Rising to the occasion of learning the assignment required for soul growth. How their how hearts commune. How the partnership actualizes their personalized astrology to express nonviolent communication, intimacy, loyalty, sexuality, forgiveness, compassion, trust, compromise, non-judgement, and more.

We'd all be enlightened masters by now if everyone did exactly what we wanted, never pushed our buttons, or violated our comfort zones. But that's not what happens in relationships. Most have us the scars to prove it. Relationships don't immediately take the pain away. If anything, they salute the existential pain through a detox process inspiring new reflections on what caused the pain to begin with and solutions to fix it. If a partner is royally pissing me off, then I know we're compatible. He's doing his job. That's why the Universe guides us, after a hit from Cupid's Arrow, to certain people. Like, "Colin. Stop right where you are. Look behind you. Through the window of Organic Avenue on 17th Street. Meet him. He's going to help you heal your control issues, perfectionism, inaccessibility, and emotional withholding. Good luck." His soul in combination with mine provided a maximum learning opportunity. A hospital for the soul. But this maturation process took rigorous work and honesty. Sometimes I got it right, most times I got it wrong. If I listen to my ego mind, it'll demand I resist, reject, and run from the work of the assignment. Hello, cheap, fast, fun and easy compatibility! But according to A Course, the ego's proviso for love is - "seek...but do not find". 

The highest practice of astrology can help articulate this delicate compatibility process through specific language if we understand no one is inherently good or bad for each other. We're all in assignments to help heal one another through relationship lessons. And I think it's particularly important for Queer identified to recognize the glory in how we can write our own script now without hundreds of years of heteronormative relationship "values" to ascribe to. We can make our own rules when it comes to how we measure compatibility. So the next time you're consuming astrological material or engaged in a conversation on what sign is a "good match", remember - the zodiac is an awareness of our oneness. Every sign offers gifts and lessons to the other; no less or more important or special than the rest. Whether or not you show up for that lesson is entirely up to you. Past Life Expert Dr. Brian Weiss said in Miracles Happen that we don't choose when we meet our soulmates. We only choose what to do with them when they get here. I believe that. I can also guarantee that if you keep your heart open, your mind willing, your thoughts high, and your behavior tender when they get here - you will know that heaven is entered two by two and you'll walk the road to paradise together.

Happy Homecoming to Mercury! After a retrograde since August 12th, the God of The Persuasive Tongue returned to familiar territory with Virgo where he can rest his exhausted winged sandals in trust until September 29th. As such, ideas and practices on detailed thinking and carefully considered (commune)ication are the two themes of these transit. Note how “commune” in communication theoretically requires an exchange of speaking and listening. In practice, I often notice two people speak and neither heard a word of the other. Where’s the listening? In practice, I see self-preoccupied conversations where people monopolize dialogue unconsciously. In practice, I observe visible discomfort from others if they’re not talking about themselves. Where’s the mutuality? Where’s the commune in communication? As a Gemini, I am required to voraciously protect the vernacular. I have to keep my space clean against all-about-me messy dialogue that’s destroys conscientious communication. So can you! Here are my 5 Tips for Mercury in Virgo.

1) Who’s Earned My Story? Who’s Stories Have I Earned? One of my strongest realizations on communication came from Dr. Brene Brown when her data proved our stories aren’t meant for everyone. Dr. Brown wrote, “...you share with people who've earned the right to hear your story.” That’s why our psyches hold visceral reactions to oversharing because it registers we haven’t earned the right. The speaker assumes they’re providing a sense of closeness when really the listener feels like they were robbed. It’s theft if the psyche registers there was no earning. Which is why speakers need to employ Virgo careful consideration on which listeners earned the story's weight. And we need to discern who tries to hot-wire closeness by a hit and run oversharing. A research experiment concluded that interpersonal closeness (which determines the earning of the story) is developed through “...escalating, sustained, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure.” Don't let the academic jargon repel you. Approaching relationships with an escalating, sustained, and reciprocal method will help you gradually unlock the closeness and connections you crave that give your life the most meaning.

2) Ask Questions: You don’t have to be a journalist to ask thoughtful questions that fortify conversation momentum. My AstroTwin Chartreuse once asked me, “What’s today speaking to you?” I think that’s just gorgeous. It’s a spark for inspiring personalistic self-disclosure. Asking thoughtful questions with genuine interest allows the speaker to feel seen and heard. Which is all any one of us wants. Virgo usually sidesteps awkwardness through asking a series of meaningful questions in social spaces. It’s one of the simplest, most powerful practices to put the commune back in communication because appropriate questions are disarming. From there, you can join in authentic, meaningful dialogue. Since I struggle to share details of my life unless I am asked directly point blank, I always remember who's thoughtful enough to invite me open up with permission. My heart is filled with gratitude for their conscientiousness.

3) Pay Attention: One of the best gifts you can give to yourself and others is your ability to offer awareness. Are we born knowing how to focus our attention span? No. Is that an excuse? Virgo would say - absolutely not. We have too much tolerance for enabling individual and interpersonal distractions. It’s so careless. Especially because our psyches are programmed to identify who’s not paying attention when someone's speaking. We're not getting away with it. So let's stop kidding ourselves. Do what must be done to develop the ability to focus. If that means self-education on mindfulness, doing less at a time - research proves multitasking destroys productivity! - putting your phone away, beginning each day with meditation and/or exercise, or paying attention to your breath. Do what must be done to let others know your conscientious enough to pay attention to their storu because they'll feel it if you’re not. And you'll destroy a bid for connection in the process. 

4) Pass The Mic: Greek Philosopher Epictetus believed God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we speak. I'm regularly horrified by people's inability to register the disproportionate amount of time they spent talking versus listening. Could you imagine if people weren’t so hungry to get a message out ... but get a message in? I would feel more calm at parties. And I’m sure you would too if conscientious listening was the minimum standard. Improve dialogue by Virgo's focus on social service. Be the person who listens twice as long and as well as they speak for. Be a person who improves conversational balance through facilitation. Graciously pass the microphone so people around you feel like their voice matters.  So they too can share what life is speaking to them today. Improve the dialogue by Virgo's focus on social service. 

5) Unify: I have to laugh instead of scream my lungs out when whenever someone says, "I'm the kind of person who [executes the most common behavior]".  Oh REALLY?! You don't say?! You see, the highest (because it's the most accurate Virgo power thought) is not, "I am unique". Rather the highest power thought unifies like "I'm not alone in this discomfort because I'm just like everyone else".  So when someone's getting all precious,  I love to destroy their illusions with, "Who among us doesn't do exactly what you think you're so special for?" Because it invites unification into the conversation. Not a competition of who's the most nuanced. Carl Jung identified the "Collective Unconscious" as the part of our subconscious minds that contain memories and impulses common to humanity deep within the inherited structure of the brain.  So any time you're not attempting to identify with humanity, then you're not identifying with the deepest level of your personality.  Unpopular, I know.  But as True as it gets through a spiritual paradigm because we are each other. Make unification one of your bottom lines in discussions. Which allows others to recognize they're not as alone as they thought they were. 

A 2011 study deduced "words spoken" as only 7% of the communication continuum, 58% is body language, and 38% is tone. But if we're primarily communicating behind phone screens these days, then we're losing the advantage to monitor tone and observe body language, and relying instead on the smallest fraction of communication that we're the least prepared with. Which is why so many words spoken sound tone-deaf. Because dominant social thinking gives us permission us to be sloppy with language. We need to hold a higher standard of excellence on communication. That's why the Universe is giving us a very long 8 week Mercury in Virgo transit for us to put the commune back in communication. Let us not treat socializaidons so casually or narcissistically. Conversations should sound like a choir not a soloist performance. Let us hold every dialogue with reverence. Offering both our listening ear and succinct perceptions. Understanding the opportunity to socialize as a sacred opportunity to learn the story of another. Let us carefully consider our words, with whom we share them with, and the quality of how we show up to listen to the words of others. 

No sign has a monopoly on virtue. All 12 contribute a gift to the zodiac. But only one sign marks the beginning of a higher attention to personal growth, responsibility, and self improvement - Virgo. From July 20th until now, Mars (the warrior planet of action, energy, passion, and sexual desire) was transiting Leo. Its martian mission was a reclamation of our divine power. Identifying with glory not personality defects. Today Mars moves into Virgo. Which will inspire responsible self-containment of this Leo given power until October 22nd. This 6 week long story will inspire us all to take a page out of the Book of Beyonce and be #FLAWLESS. I could hold a congressional filibuster on all the Virgo virtues. But my favorite is that they have no time to f*ck around. Which is why Virgos stay victorious. Virgos' lives work because they work at making their lives work. There’s really no mystery. They make it look easy; but trust me, Virgos put enormous effort into their goals, growth, and relationships. And so can we. I hope you enjoyed yourself this summer because now that Mars in Virgo has begun - it’s time to get to work. Let’s get in formation and let’s get impeccable. Here are my 5 Agreements for Mars in Virgo ‘17:

1) Pay Attention: Full disclosure, my patience for people who think it’s all ~cUtSeY~ that they can’t focus or pay attention is nonexistent. And I know Virgos feel me. One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and others is your ability to offer your undivided awareness. A prime Mercury bailiwick. Are we born knowing how to focus our attention span? No. Is that an excuse? Absolutely not. We have too much tolerance for enabling our individual and interpersonal distractions. That sh*t ain’t cute. It’s careless. Do what must be done to develop the ability to pay attention with high quality. If that means self-education on mindfulness, doing less activity at a time - research proves multitasking destroys productivity! - putting your phone away, beginning your day with meditation and exercise, or monitoring your breath...do what must be done. Because then you can use your attention to be of service to yourself and others lucky enough to be inside it. I know I've made the most mistakes when I wasn't present to what was happening in front of me. And I know I've done my part when not a single detail went unnoticed.

2) Show Up: If I had one phone call to make from jail, I’d call my Virgo Grandma. Because I know she’d answer no matter what time it is, and I know she’d show up. Since the beginning, I’ve experienced the quality of presence afforded to me when a Virgo walks into the room. In their highest expression, Virgo shows up. That's no casual occurrence. That's a profound gift. They show up to the party with a Mercury mindset that can: pay high-attention to detail in conversation, hold space for emotional facilitation if necessary, or problem-solve if requested. Trust me, their presence is felt throughout every corner of the room. Be the kind of friend, family member, or lover who’s record is reliable with punctuality and honoring social commitment. Be there when you say you’re going to be there. If you can't, that's fine. Say no more often than yes. Just do what you say you'll do. Because I know I’m not the only who’s heart leaps when he reads his favorite text: “I’m on way.”

3) Be Thoughtful: I’m not romanticizing my experiences when I say, Virgo demonstrates the most thoughtfulness. They often walk into a gathering or party with a card, flowers, food, a balloon, or some thoughtful gesture to let the host/guest of honor know that they’re valued. They’ve even showed up to their own party with cards for their guests! That's Mercury thoughtfulness. It could take a .99 cent postcard to let someone feel like they matter to you. It could also be as free and as simple as observing a detail. And remembering to mention it in conversation. You could say, “I remember you mentioned you applied for your dream job a while back? How’s that going?” or “I know it’s the anniversary of your Mother’s death. I’m thinking of you.” Demonstrating and vocalizIng thoughtfulness is a quantum gift you can offer to your loved ones. It's a huge leap in the right direction towards the healing of the world. Take it very seriously. Recognize it and honor it when others present it to you so that you can call more of it you own life and watch their demonstration for examples on how to be more thoughtful on a regular basis.

4) Exercise Impulse Control: The absence of emotional, mental, and behavior impulse control in our culture is dysfunctional and I'm deeply concerned. Whenever we are feeling some type of way, it is it too much for us to take a Goddamn breath, and count to 3? To ask, "Could I be mistaken?" before making up a conspiracy in your head? To collect all the data with objectivity and restraint before locating your conclusion? Honor your feelings, absolutely. But you don't need to spew on social media or impulsively act on them. You can not haphazardly talk a Virgo into anything because they think through every detail with impulse control. To the point of analysis paralysis. So many problems could be avoided if we knew how to get a grip. Virgo as "The Virgin" also means they're self-contained. With that quality, they're not susceptible to ideological capture and external bullshit. They're controlled. My Virgos and I vowed to never social media stalk "exes" because it keeps the psychic door open. Why would I go looking for some shit sure to piss me off? Impulse. Control. They're self-possessed, assured, and usually keeping a calm level head before jumping to conclusions. That's why I feel so safe with them because they're not hyper reactive and trigger happy. Which is a little too in Vogue these days.

5) "Be Impeccable With Your Word": Not my original agreement but one interpreted by a Virgo Don Miguel Ruiz in his landmark 4 Agreements. Virgo is ruled by the Planet of Communication, Mercury. So there's an emphasis on pursuing development on listening and speech. When I suggest being impeccable with your word it's twofold. First, in the Capitol (W)ord sense. If your speech is not elevating, uplifting, appreciating, and informing others of kindness, respect, tenderness, compassion, and forgiveness, then where are you putting it? Of course you can scream "Fire!" if a house is burning down but you can also redirect gossip, negativity, shame, mean-spirited criticism, and blame. Or you're caught in the low level frequency of gossip. And second, please do not be sloppy with your speech. Ponder first if you must. Take your time. I know we're trained to say the opposite of what we feel because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and yaddayaddayadda but let's just keep it real *kindly* with each other. I'd rather piss someone off for being honest than making them read between the lines. And Virgos never make me play mind games because they're so vocally upfront. Say you bump into someone and the impulse is to say "We should grab lunch!" but you know you won't. Just say "It was really nice catching up." Endure a moment of discomfort and move on. And the same goes for our feelings. We have to hold a higher standard of our authentic meaning in what we say so that our Word becomes a context for people to behave around our honest intentions.

I used to keep Virgos as at an emotional distance because I'm a recovering people pleaser. I knew Virgos were too honest. And I couldn't connect with them if I wasn't acting from integrity, responsibility, and self-composure. I used to keep them at a platonic distance because subconsciously I knew I couldn't deliver what they deserved in relationship. I was intimidated. When I started to take my growth seriously, the distance dissolved, and they've become some of my most cherished and loyal friends. They've taught me unconditional love and I don't say that glibly. Their energy - and Mars in Virgo - will confront us all with a "Clean up your act. Because it's not all about you. And I know you can do better. I want to see you be #FLAWLESS. Or go home and be quiet until you do." Which I think wouldn't hurt the state of the world we live in, frankly. Mars in Virgo will help us work at making our lives work. It's a practice, not a genetic predisposition. Commit to your #FLAWLESS day by day, hour by hour, or minute by mi the and the Universe will take you as seriously as you take it. Let the Universe #BowDown to you this autumn. 
 

You’d need to be living on the dark side of the moon to not know a Solar Eclipse is on Monday August 21st at 2:30pm EST. A Solar Eclipse is a cosmically supercharged New Moon. Since it's a New Moon in Leo, we can invoke the power of the Sun. Its life-giving, eternal flame energy to create the most high-minded intentions from our galaxy's star on Leo ruled ideas. Since it’s a total eclipse, only the outside ring of the Sun will be temporarily visible - astronomically known as the corona  - and for the purpose of this article, the Halo of Fire. Because heavy is the head that wears the Halo of Fire, I want to inquire in Leo more deeply than its divine power, charisma, glamour, autonomy, courage, etc. I want to examine the royal responsibilities required in becoming the monarch you’re capable of. So here are my 5 tips to help you craft intentions designed to reclaim your power this Solar Eclipse in Leo. So you can wear the Halo of Fire more magnificently in your Kingdom. 

1) Stop Protecting Your Wounds: In higher consciousness circles, we love analyzing our childhood wounds and our complexities. We love the pathology of our neurosis and why we "attract" emotionally unavailable partners. There's a time and a place for it, definitely. But If you’ve already processed your wounds, then mission accomplished. Move on. I don’t know what’s so highly conscious about hoping I stumble on my light through endless examination of my darkness. We coddle our traumas, protect our insecurities, defend our anxieties, fuel our anger, and self-identity with our personality defects too much. What the actual fuck have your wounds done for your lately? Other than keep you powerless? Our attachment to them is not self protection but self sabatoge. Let us no longer be the leaders who cling to the stories and patterns that give us dysfunction. It reinforces a loss of power because we give power to our wounds and not our glory. We’re all wounded. We've all had experience with unkindness, betrayal, heartbreak, etc. So I've had it with people getting all precious about their problems. What would make you special is if you remember, “I might be wounded but I can choose not to act from my wounds.” and then do differently in the situations where your wounds keep you stuck. 

2) Stop Feeding Your Ego’s Appetite: The ego is always hungry to gorge on convincing evidence of people's guilt to prove your victimhood. Can a Royal be susceptible to victimhood? No way. Because it puts the power outside of you. Do not feed that appetite. You must starve it if you have to. That’s not to say become a doormat or refrain from healthy boundaries in relationships. It’s a call to stop letting our ego’s run amok in an unregulated hunt for the guilt in others. We live in a mean spirited culture with a voraciously strong appetite for judgement, shaming, and criticism as a social bloodsport. It's a emotional numbing tactic. It’s self-indulgent and, frankly, it robs you of your royalty because you're engaging in pathetic peasant behavior. Mind your business. One more time for the people in the back - lions don't sleep over the opinions of sheep. Adopt a zero tolerance policy for feeding that ego apetite in yourself and others around you.  

3) See Innocence: Perception is a choice we make. Instead of focusing on people’s guilt, begin a mental habit pattern of proactively searching for people's innocence. Whatever qualities we choose to look for - guilt or innocence - we call forth from people. So assuming the best qualities from others is a leadership decision of a self-interest for you and your kingdom. Because people will express their most redeems qualities in your presence. Who wouldn't want that?!  It’s easier to exercise this habit with people we've just met thanks to a beginner’s mind; it’s not so easy for people we’ve known our whole lives. But that's no excuse for not trying. When your emotional wires are crossed, say internally, “I see the innocence in you, (insert name here). And I ask the Universe to help me be a blessing on you and for you to be a blessing on me.” A thought, a word, a touch, a look, or an energy resonance will shift the social dynamic so that you’re all off the wheel of suffering - attack, defense, attack, defense x 263838 - and put you into a back in place of compromise instead. 

4) See Love. A Course in Miracles teaches us that all feelings can be reduced to one of two emotions: love or fear. To cut the tome’s 1,300 pages short - if we think with love, we’ll be at peace. If we think with fear, will be in pain. It’s that complicated to dominant social code and it’s that simple to spiritual Truth. Actively decide to infuse your vision with as many thoughts of love and joy as possible. Since peace is the inevitable outcome, then all areas you send love to will be lifted to its divine right order. Don't just send love to the convenient places. Send love especially to the areas - and to the people - who need your forgiveness and divine perception. In doing so, you will begin to feel at peace. You will be in joy. And your life will work. Leo Leaders create culture. Imagine the community culture you could create if you made love the bottom line of everything you did internally, at home, in public, and at work? 

5) Proclaim The Light: We've learned through societal conditioning how to build cases for people’s guilt and how to self-identify with our wounds. We’ve unlearned the language of non violent communication, mechanics of peace, forgiveness, and kindness. In the midst of the guilt and fear, try proclaiming the light. Light is defined by A Course In Miracles as understanding. Proclaim the understanding that love is what we are all born with. Fear is what we’re taught. You already are love and you already are the light. Know this. It gets blocked occasionally by what we were conditioned by. But remember the Sun is always shining behind the clouds. There's no such "thing" as a "gray" sky. Proclaim that existential truth right now as the love is your Sun behind the ocsssional clouds of fear in your thinking. Lean on what you know in love naturally, intuitively, and abundantly to proclaim the light. That's where you'll locate your charisma and the magnetism to inspire devotion. 

Everyone's enchanted by the star quality of Leo. But not the personal growth work required to successfully wear the crown. And the archetype for those who adorn the Halo of Fire are, as my Grandmother calls them, the "anointed ones". Leaders who elect themselves to physically, emotionally, and mentally live on a more disciplined attitudinal plane because they take their royal role seriously. And they work out their behavioral muscles regularly because entire kingdoms rely on them. Your kingdom relies on you. Stop playing it small. Your royal court relies on you. Stop denying their bids for connection. The world needs divine leaders who not only profess but practice metaphysical principles of responsible self-improvement day by day or hour by hour. The Halo of Fire inspires us all to get over our self-preoccupation because we're connected to something much bigger than our self with a little 's'. The Halo of Fire reminds us we're much stronger and more unlimitedly powerful than we could ever imagine. If we can align ourselves with that glory, with the power,  we can lead ourselves and the collective forward together.

Via WeHeartIt

On Monday August 7th 2017 at 2:12pm, a Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius kicks off the first full month of the Leo/Aquarius Eclipse series that'll benchmark our cosmic calendar until 2019. I can already testify to August providing life-changing circumstances, situations, events, and relationships that will forever redefine our paths. So let's review. 

Not surprisingly, Aquarius energy is hard to pin down. Ruled by Uranus [Easy, Tiger!] Aquarius is unconventional, ever-changing, intellectual, and powerfully revolutionary. As a gay millennial, if I had to locate the most accurate symbol for Aquarius energy - it's The Spice Girls. Think about it: a radical political collective for all with inclusivity, eccentricity, and friendship as the bottom line of their mission statement. Imagine a world where, "...smilin', dancin', everything is free" and "....all you need is positivity". That's Aquarius at it's finest. 

So let's slam it to the left, shake it to the right, and talk about 5 Tips to Spice Up Your Life for the Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius.

1) Own Your Spice: What made The Spice Girls collective work beautifully was their unapologetic individual differences, right? From Scary to Sporty, the archetypes laid claim to their eccentricity. They owned their Spice lane and stayed in it; while encouraging themselves and us all to own what what makes us spicy.  The Universe divined you with a special function - a "Spice", if you will - to serve the collective magic. An assignment unique to you that only you can fulfill. Could Scary ever be Posh? No way. If you had to be a Spice Girl, which Spice would you unapologetically be? Aquarius Baby Spice didn't care how her youthful orientation would land with critics. She owned it without remorse and so can you own your Spice without proactive permission.

2) Critical Mass Magic: If you look at some of American history's most landmark social justice movements, you'll find that it was never the majority of people who woke up one morning and said "Ya know what? Let's just free the slaves." or "Let's just give women the right to vote." Nope. It was always a small group of people (often demonized too radical by the status quo of their day) who didn't let their group size distract them the fact that their better idea could change history forever. It only takes the critical mass magic when history calls. It only takes "enough" people to move the needle towards equality for all. For Pop Music in the 90s, it only took five women to define a decade with Girl Power and we're a better world for it.

3) Friendship Never Ends: We are all so guilty of categorizing relationships into neat little boxes like friend, work-friend, best-friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, sexual partner, acquaintance, etc, and treating them all differently. But the most high-minded Aquarius energy doesn't seek to separate people into identification systems. It rather seeks elevate every relationship where none are more or less special than anyone. So that everyone is treated impeccably as a standard. Everyone is treated like a friend. I know this is radically different from what dominant social code is but Aquarius energy is here to repudiate what's considered "normal". Leo Ginger Spice pinched Prince Charles' bum in Buckingham Palace and left him a lipstick kissed cheek. Just like she did with fans, friends, and reporters. Everyone was equal - even the Royal Family - to the Spice Girls. Could you imagine if we all treated each other with that Golden Rule as our ethical minimum standard? We would experience relationships as sacred. Use the Eclipse to turn that idea into your external reality. 

4) Align With Your Tribe: The zeitgeist of the Spice Girls is that their magic would not have been born if all five were not present to align themselves within the group's identity. Each one played a necessary role in the group that would play on to dominate the world. Reflect on the identity of your collective. Where and what is your tribe? What common value systems bind you together? Recognize the glory of that collective oneness and see the potential in pooling resources, access, ideas, and more together to help you all succeed. There's nothing I love more than barging into a quiet room with my friends and letting the world know they're with me. We are bonded. The rugged individualist journey is a myth. No one is an island. We all need each other. If you haven't found your tribe yet, then start one of your own and be the proactive change. 

5) Watch The Movie. I know I will. 

Happy Leo New Moon! For those new to lunar ritual, astrology is a system that allows its participants to work on alignment with the cosmically ordered Universe through mediation and ritual on moon cycles, transits, eclipses, etc. New Moons are prime opportunity periods for intention setting because the tradition holds that while no lunar light is in the night sky - because it a new moon phase - the Universe is most receptive to receive our highest visions and will work to manifest the intention six months later when the corresponding full moon in Leo shines among the Aquarius stars.

For today's Leo New Moon, we are called to declare high minded intentions on topics ruled by the Leo Kingdom like; our glory, divine power, personal responsibility, confidence, courage, self-love, and worthiness. 

For guidance, try writing/meditating on your answers to these 5 questions as today's affirmative intentions:

1) What loving aspects of my personality structure are seeking expression so that I might be the light onto the world?

-- I will call forth XYZ within me so that I may empower .... and change XYZ because ...

2) What insecurities and fears do I need to surrender so I may accept love more securely?

-- I release XYZ so that I may hear and embrace.... My insecurities are an armor protecting me from the love I'm deserving of. I surrender them now.

3) Where should I show up in glory so that I may be of service to the people who lean on me?

-- I vow to show up in glory at XYZ  because I hope to empower XYZ.

4) What is the story of my whole heart and who's the  person that needs to hear its words?

-- My heart's story is XYZ and it's dedicated to (name).

5) How might I make the conviction that I am worthy of love and belonging?

-- I am worthy of love and belonging because....

Now you can either place your intentions someplace where you'll see them regularly of if you like the drama, you can burn them and imagine them seeking fruition in the flame. There's no wrong way to do this! Trust your intuition.

 Leo New Moon Blessings to YOU! 

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On Thursday July 20th, Mars (the God of War) - the astrological ruler of our deepest motivation(s), philosophies on conflict, behavior, action, demonstration, and sexuality  - leaves the oceanic depths of Cancer and invades the Kingdom of Leo for the next six weeks. 

Remember the twelve signs of the zodiac are a chronological inquiry into the evolution of the soul. Until now, we were called to swim deeply in Cancer's emotion ocean. To get curious about our internal dialogue on emotional intelligence and emotional security; the why, how, and when we feel what we feel and with who. Now that Mars is in Leo, we're drying off from the watery depths of  "I feel..." and we're charging into the flames of the summer sun with "I will...".

After developing heart-centered intuition from Mars in Cancer since June 4th, the lessons of Mars in Leo will center on aligning our newly understood internal emotional intelligence into the reality of our external experience. To help with this process, here are 5 Strategies for Mars in Leo. 

1. Be Righteous: The age of data collection is over. For the vast majority of us, we know by now what we need to do to be healthier, more moralistic, upstanding people. We have the answers in our hands but what we do instead? We shove our personal-growth to the back of the closet. Is that something a high-minded King or Queen would do? Nope! Righteous means: right use. Be righteous with your thoughts. Righteous with your emotions. Righteous with your words. Righteous with your behavior. Get started on whatever uncomfortable conversation, task, goal, and/or positive life change that's been whispering to you and put it to right use. No excuses. Start today. The Universe takes people seriously who take their lives seriously.

2. Be Extra: What I love about Leo energy is how they dare greatly. Their confidence gives them the conviction to wear the loud number, say the joke, sing the song, dance the dance, write the book, or speak the truth - albeit imperfectly. They're EXTRA af and I love it. It's beautiful because because their brave demonstration shows us the gap between ourselves and perhaps where we're not showing up in glory. Follow Leo lead this transit. Show up with a crown on your head to your OWN life and express your intrinsic, magnificent power to the world. F*ck the haters and critics. Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep, anyway.

3. Be Royal: I was in a very crowded metaphysical store with my Virgo Sister Gala (Natal Venus & Mars in Leo) so Gala asked an associate what the wait was and he answered "There is none". ??? I jokingly brought it up to her and Gala said, "I walk into every space like I'm the MVP and I'm usually treated that way." Her highness reminded that if I walk into every space proactively with the expectation that I'll be treated like a King, I probably will. And so will you! Nothing wrong with assuming the best. This transit is about unlearning the ways we play it small for fear of upsetting anyone or, maybe even more insidiously  - we play it small to be less of an open target for criticism. Like Marianne Williamson famously reminds us, "...there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will feel less insecure around you." Your confidence and royal demeanor is not circumstance dependent . It's nobody's business to judge. So let your royal light shine.

4. Be Empowering: Leos walk with the brightest sunlight. And one of the most practical choices they can make is generously sharing their sunlight through words of encouragement and affirmation to the heart. Empowering others to be the best version of themselves through uplifting communication uplifts us all. The entire world is blessed by the presence of healed people. In doing so, one of the most high minded Leo expressions is the energy they stir in the confidence of others. They're not necessarily people who do so much but they're people whom things get done when they're around. Their achievement lays in all the momentum they catalyze in others. By touching their own depth, they touch the depths within others. Be that force for people you love and adore; help them see and lay claim to their power.

5. Be Courageous: The Latin definition for courage is telling the story of your whole heart. My favorite Leo virtue is their unapologetic emotional expression. Which is why the Lion's heart is the brightest star in the Leo constellation because their power lies in telling their heart's story. So often we withhold. If you're anything like me, you'd rather chain yourself to a cinder block and fling yourself into the Hudson River than tell the person who needs to hear it the most how much you love him. But there's alchemy in speaking love. I had a Lunar Leo tell me once, "So what a part of me will always love you. Judge me if you want. I don't care." I was so impressed by his defenselessness. I was inspired to reconsider my own silence. If there's someone who needs to hear the words of your own heart, don't delay - speak now. 

It's visually compelling to juxtapose a full moon in the winter soldier Capricorn next to the heat of the Cancer summer sun. But opposite signs/polarities like Capricorn and Cancer are always working towards the same outcome. Even if the point of origin is as contrasting as a heat wave next to a blizzard. In the case of this weekend's full circle moment in Capricorn, the desired outcome stems from the question: What emotional labor do I need to perform (Cancer) to help me stay in my integrity (Capricorn) and make the most generous assumptions about you?
 

1. Own Your No: One of my favorite Oprah-isms is No is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify or explain your no to anyone. Remember, emotional labor isn't only empathy and compassion; sometimes it's demonstrating where your boundaries are to people who are well-meaning; but don't know any better. Which is why Capricorn drill Sergeant wants to put the power on you to guard your network’s gate. Lay claim to your autonomy and practice saying no to circumstances and people you don't want to participate in. It's uncomfortable and vulnerable, I know - but it's like physical exercise for your attitudinal muscles. The more you work out this attitude, the stronger you'll be at it.

2. Tough Love Trial: There's a time and a place for processing. There's a time and a place for self-care. But there's also a time and a place to remember it's not just about you. Sometimes emotional processing becomes self-indulgent. And I've seen that counterproductive defense more often than I wish around so called "higher consciousness" and social "justice" spaces. Hypersensitivity is no excuse for emotional irresponsibility. Get a grip. Capricorn energy demands radical responsibility and accountability. The Capricorn gift of this strategy is the ability to change the circumstances keeping you in low-level scenarios because you're claiming responsibility for them. With this shift in perception, you'll have almighty Saturn - the planetary ruler of karma, self-correction and discipline - on your side lifting you to the highest. Or you can have a pity party for one. 

3. Disciple of Discipline: We get a lot of social permission to be morally sloppy, don't we? Tactics like ghosting, phones out at dinner, half-listening to friends, distracted by social media, interrupting, etc. Capricorn energy has Z E R O tolerance for emotional/attitudinal/mental irresponsibility. Period. The full moon will shine lunar light on what areas of your life could use conscious restraint, boundaries, monitoring, and accountability. I know these words aren't chic but they're necessary to build a foundation for a wholehearted life. Which takes work. And if you only put in half the disciplined work, then don't be surprised that your life is only half-way working. Comitt radically to self-growth and mastery. 

4. What and Who are Worth It? I was talking to my Gemini Soulbrother Laurence and he asked me about my value systems in such a powerful way. If you think of your time as limited energy that you can invest small amounts to, who and what would prove a strong return investment? Who meets you halfway? Who is helping you rise to your maximum creative possibility a la Capricorn? Who asks about your day and genuinely listens to what the day spoke to you? The bottom line is  - there’s too much at stake in the world to spend time in spaces, conversations or relationship that don't seek to address the most meaningful level of our reality. What ideas you value? Who do you trust and why? Only you can answer these questions. These internal conversations are necessary to guide you in making critical choices that will you help you develop the robust vocabulary to identify what’s worth your valuable energy.