Faith Starr's Blog

It's been almost six months since I've written a Blog post. It's been months since I've actively worked on a manuscript. I've pretty much disappeared from social media, other than Pinterest for inspiration. The key reason: my only daughter has left for college. Yes, I still have a sixth-grade son at home but my girl leaving has done a number on me. This quote says it all. I want all three of my children to leave the nest and fly with confidence. What I never expected after my daughter left was for the pain in my heart to worsen. When my oldest son left for school, after a few weeks passed I got back into the swing of things. This time it's been harder for me to bounce back. Just wait until my youngest leaves. God help me!One would think escaping via writing/editing would help cure the blues. In this particular case I've pushed the manuscript I've been working on aside. Remember Me was written after my father passed away in 2018 from Alzheimer's. The story encompasses that theme while doing so in the form of two people who find love where they least expect it. It's all happy, happy, joy, joy (of course angst and emotional turmoil too). The issue I've had is that some of the memory care center depictions are based on real-life experiences and every time I review the script it brings me back to that place of pain and the loss of my father. The motivating factor to complete it is that the book was written as a loving and positive remembrance and dedication to him. So, I've dealt with my daughter's senior year and impending move, the loss of a close sister (an emotional loss as we no longer speak since my father's funeral), still grieving the loss of a parent, the aging of my widowed mother, and to top it off, a slew of midlife questioning has come into play. WTF!My primary role has been mom for the last 21 years. It still is but the hands on the clock tick and babies grow up and move on. It has become time for me to rediscover myself. I am a wife. I am a writer. I am an office manager. I am exploring more spiritual paths to fulfill myself. Yet I still ask myself, who am I?It's been a long and emotionally draining year. Remember Me won't publish itself. I want it finished for my dad and also for my mom because even though she isn't allowed to read my novels (too dirty!) each release brings her joy. This one will especially because of its relevant content in relation to my father. As I said, the clock is ticking, time is precious. So once again I am in front of my computer, editing with the sole purpose of finishing Remember Me, while enabling healing, growth, and most importantly, feeling my feelings and processing them.

It's been a while since I've written a blog post. It's also been a while since I've edited or done any creative writing. The motivation fled. Many life situations affected the desire. Today is the first day in months that I've been able to sit behind my monitor with any sense of excitement and edit. Why the sudden change?Emotionally, I've been drained and exhausted. The one thing I've come to accept during this trying time is that I've been neglecting myself, especially the spiritual, connected part of myself that brings me joy. I've been aware that I put myself last for ages. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, an employee, I take care of a house and all that comes along with it, have brought a new puppy into the house which has been trying regarding training, discipline, and assimilating him into the routine with our other three dogs (yes, that's four total. Crazy, I know), along with all the other tasks I have to handle on a daily basis. For the past several weeks I've been working like a fiend to change my attitude. Just for today I'm putting myself first. Let me tell you, it's a ton of work. It in itself is exhausting. It's not easy to change habits that took years or a lifetime to create.To accomplish this self-care, these are the steps I've taken. Feel free to use one or all of them. I'm not selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself. 1. I've made a commitment to mediate every day. I've given myself a 10-minute goal. It's both doable and achievable (not overwhelming in an already-full day). I found the best site on YouTube called Great Meditation. They have short, effective meditations on a variety of topics. 2. While doing office work, I've been playing PowerThoughts Meditation Club affirmation videos on YouTube in the background (they have a lot to choose from). I don't even listen to them. I tune them out but am already feeling the positive affects of them. The speaker says to give one a try for 21 days and see if you notice any changes. I've been listening for about a solid week now. I listen to a variety, not just one. My brain can take all the affirmations it can get. 3. I've started working the Twelve Steps in regards to letting go of trying to control people and situations I have no power over (codependency at its best). I try to do some workbook activities at least a few times a week. Of course, connecting with others who are also trying to make positive changes in their lives helps as well, especially since the steps can't be worked alone. Mostly, this practice has helped me feel less "alone" in this journey called life. The bottom line is: everyone has shit to deal with, no matter who it is. 4. Finally, I do some sort of reading (not romance fiction in this context - that's my pleasure reading before bed), whether a daily intent for the day or something as simple as the quote above, to help me remain present in the here and now. Can I say everything is great? That I am cured from my obsessive thoughts, anticipatory anxiety, panic, and constant worry? Hell no. Can I say I'm in a better place emotionally? The answer would be a definitive yes. That is, for today. Tomorrow I might be back to my old self again. If so, I'll deal with it then. Because in truth, right now is all I have. As the saying goes, "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift which is why it's called the present." I wholeheartedly agree.So, my disappearance from social media and creative writing has been for a good cause. If I don't take care of myself, I have nothing to give. Interesting that I've been consciously making time for myself and my creative inspiration has returned. Coincidence? I don't believe there are any. I honestly couldn't sit for more than fifteen minutes at a time in front of a manuscript. I couldn't focus. My thoughts were scattered. My emotions were on overload. It's not a fun place to be. Why share this? It is rather personal. Because today I know I'm not alone. If one person reads this and gets inspired or finds hope, I've done good by making myself vulnerable and exposing myself as "imperfect." As I've always said, my purpose in writing is to connect with others on a deeper level. That includes not only my manuscripts, but my posts as well.Just for today I am hopeful we can all live in the moment and be open to change. It's not easy but sometimes it's the only choice.

Things are about to get personal. As a new year approaches I've been reflecting on the many things that transpired during this past year, things that still have my emotions going haywire, and the things that are yet to come. These are the biggies:My father passed away from Alzheimer'sI'm turning 50 in December (colonoscopy anyone? I'm so dreading it!)My son transferred to a college farther away from home and is in self-discovery modeMy daughter, my only girl, is graduating and will be going away to college My "baby" will start middle school My mother is depressed about our loss, which saddens me and eats me up insideA rift in the family after my father passed has torn some of my sisters apart and we are not on speaking termsMy emotions are having a field day, leaving me feeling anxious, fatigued, and utterly exhausted as a result. I've often heard the expression, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a present (view it as such). And yes, I understand the concept of mindfulness. I totally agree with these ideas on a logical level but putting them into practice on an emotional level is easier said than done.Time for action.This morning I read a daily reflection from "Words of Courage and Confidence" by Sue Patton Thoele (great book). It talked about trusting my inner voice to guide me. I do believe I am a very intuitive and empathetic person (sometimes too empathetic) and try to listen to that voice of reason inside, let it guide me.Right now, as much as it's speaking to me, I still feel stuck. I read a few pins on my Pinterest board "Happiness and Gratitude" and saw the pin above. I've decided to make a commitment to try it out.Do I have any takers to join me with this experiment?I'm going to write three things down each day on my calendar and try to focus on them throughout the day. In 21 days I will write a follow-up to this blog to share the results. It's more fun to do these types of challenges with others so why don't you join me and we can share our experiences on Facebook in 3 weeks?Let today, Thanksgiving, be a day of gratitude for the goodness we have in our lives. Even if we can only think of one thing-depending on where each of us is at at this moment-that's fine. No pressure. This is for us. Let's share our gratitude and grow spiritually together.

Logan, Trevor, and Joey from my Music For The Heart Series belong to the band Steam. Where on earth did that name come from?I'll tell you.I was working on book one, Hold Me, at my desk, contemplating a possible name for the band. I scanned the area in front of me and noticed the above card sitting in the corner. Just to preface, my husband and I share a custom-built desk. He sits on one side. I sit on the other. We both have our computer monitors in front of us so can barely see each other while sitting at our individual work spaces. Not totally true. I can see his head, usually with a gaming headset on it, because he is much taller than I am. But that is neither here nor there.Anyway, my husband is an avid gamer (two sons are as well). This gift card had been sitting on our desk for who knows how long. Somehow it ended up on my side, which was odd. Or was it? I said the name aloud a few times and it stuck. My boys' band would be called Steam. (See honey, I complain about your gaming all the time but for once it actually benefited me)So there you have it. That is how I came up with the name. As far as On The Fence, the opening act and follow-up series, you'll just have to wait to find out.I hope you enjoy the band mates as much as I enjoyed creating them and bringing them to life!

I was having some issues with my Kindle Unlimited (KU) account so downloaded Destiny into my library to see what was going on (I'm still working on resolving the problem with Amazon. They've been great so far). While at it, I figured I may as well read through the manuscript on my iPad, same as a reader would, to check the entire script. And what did I find? Not only a few missing words, but a missing chapter! What? How could this be? It must've happened during the formatting process. Ah, to live and learn.So, I continued to read the novel with a notebook next to me, jotting down errors as I discovered them. I corrected them then reformatted and re-uploaded the book on Amazon this past week. I also asked Amazon to resend the script to readers who had purchased the novel. They deserve to have the entire manuscript. (If you purchased or are reading the novel on KU and are missing Chapter 13, please email me and I will get it to you!)It is times like this when I want to say, "When can I move on to the next task in front of me without having to constantly go back to things I thought were completed?"That is a loaded question. To me it says a lot about life. I must continue to move forward, but does it mean I should lose sight of those things in my past as well? There is always more work to do, be it mental, emotional, and/or physical.I was so upset about these mistakes, it kept me awake for most of the night because I wanted to fix the problem ASAP and get it resolved. That is my personality. Things need to be done now. The following morning after I had taken care of what I could with Amazon, I stepped back from the situation and contemplated the idea that as horrible as I felt that the script wasn't in "perfect" form after so many edits, in some ways, it was a blessing because when has anything ever been perfect? Perfection doesn't exist, as I've said in former blog posts. Each experience is a new opportunity to look at something from a different perspective. If I re-read the script right now, will I find more mistakes? Probably. But for now, I'll accept that I did what I could do to remedy the situation as best as I could and move on to reading Purity. Yes, my feeling is if I found mistakes in book one, books two and three will most likely have some as well. Then again, maybe not. I'll soon find out.What I've (re)learned from this experience is that tasks can get exhausting and sometimes I want to throw in the towel, be done, and move on, but like the quote above says, "I didn't come this far to only come this far." This applies to all aspects of life.Let's not strive for perfection-something we will never achieve, as difficult as this may be for some people to accept. Instead, let's strive for perseverance. The reward will be so much more fulfilling and doable.

A thought came to me this morning about trust, more specifically, my great lack of it in many people. Trust builds with time and consistency. What happens when circumstance after circumstance in life prove this type of trust is rather difficult to achieve?I told my daughter during a conversation we had this morning about that very concept that we should have a different level of trust for different people. Not everyone in our circle deserves to know our deep, dark secrets. Life experience has taught me that.Of course we all experience disappointment from others, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, but what about when it comes from family members? How sad that the love we always thought we had can disappear in the blink of an eye, into complete disregard.I found an article on unconditional love on Live Bold & Bloom. It says unconditional love is a decision made by both people in a relationship and entails the following (copied from liveboldandbloom.com):regular and open communication;active and engaged listening skills;a willingness to calmly express concerns or hurts;a willingness to make behavior adjustments that don't compromise your boundaries;a willingness to communicate boundaries;the ability to accept and even embrace personality differences that don't compromise the health of the relationship;a willingness to continue to work on your own self-awareness and self-esteem;complete trust that your partner “has your back” and you have theirs;the ability to forgive and forget, especially when forgiveness is requested for flaws and failures and there's a real effort to make change;the firm commitment never to withhold love (or sex or money, etc.) to get what you want or need;the desire to express your love with small daily actions and words;the decision to let go of the “small stuff” that might bug you so you can focus on the best aspects of your partner;the willingness to show extra love and have patience with your partner when they go through periods of difficulty, sadness, or disconnection, knowing it's a short-lived condition;loving the other for the joy of loving, without thought for what you will get in return.A big one for me is to forgive and forget. I can move forward but it doesn't mean I will forget or accept unacceptable behavior from others, including family members. The other one is communication, which I think it all boils down to: sharing our feelings in an honest manner without attacking, while also listening to what the other person has to say, in an attempt to work through a problem and hopefully achieve a reasonable and positive outcome. It saddens me that some people aren't willing or are possibly incapable to be open enough to even try some of the ideas mentioned above.Guess my only option for the time being is to continue to pray for those who can so easily erase others from their lives who were once so important and involved in them. I say this without anger but with compassion for where others are along their individual journey in life.Lots to think about. Hope I provided some food for thought during my attempt to process my own feelings.I end with a feeling of gratitude for those in my life who do love me at my worst, most importantly, my husband. Let's focus on those who serve us well, rather than those who bring us down.

These are lyrics taken from a song written by Joey Fine, lead singer and keyboardist of the band Steam, Hold Me, Music For The Heart - Book One. Of course I gave Joey the lyrics to write. In his situation, his purpose for writing them means something completely different than how they ring true to me. I find it interesting how the mind works. These lyrics were written months ago and have come to mean something very personal to me, same as they do for my hero in the novel. On some level, I guess that's the beauty of reading and writing romance. An emotional connection to a line, a character, or a situation is made that pushes me to look within.Next week would have been my father's birthday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. The crushing pain has lessened as the month's without him go by, but part of my heart will always be missing the piece he filled.A conversation this week had me realizing how easy it is to blame others for whatever is going wrong in our lives. I guess it's true what they say: with age comes wisdom, because at this point I know blaming people, places, or things is useless. Things are what they are. People do the best they can with where they are at in their lives.Reflecting on my relationship with my father, I feel grateful that today I can look back on it with love, positivity, and gratitude. He taught me a hell of a lot about being a kind and spiritual person. The kind of person he was at heart.My father may be gone but he will never be forgotten. As his "birthday" approaches, I will reflect on all the inner growth I've been able to achieve because of the lessons and guidance he gave me. Happy birthday, Dad. May all of you too let blame go and look within to find peace, acceptance, and meaning.

My inspiration to write again comes at the time of my father's upcoming birthday. Sadly, this year he isn't here to celebrate it with the family. Alzheimer's didn't allow him to know I was writing and publishing books. I know he would've been so proud of my accomplishment too. So, my newest manuscript "Remember Me" is dedicated to him, something that will live on forever, as he will in my heart.On The Fence is the opening band for Steam (Music For The Heart Series). Book one is currently underway. It brings personal experience of seeing someone you love suffer from Alzheimer's into the mix as the characters have to deal with their own loved ones suffering from this brutal disease that steals your memory.Of course it is done in a positive light, with spicy romance, passionate love, a happy ever after ending, and most of all, the importance of cherishing loved ones in your life.This new book is for you, Dad. You may not be able to share in my writing journey with me physically, but I know in spirit you are. And yes, the tears are rolling down my cheeks but it's all good. This new story is helping me work through the grieving process, keeping the love in my heart alive.I'll keep you posted on the process. And speaking of Music For The Heart, Book One, Hold Me, will be released on September 15. I can't wait for you to read Joey and Teva's story. Teasers, cover reveal, and excerpts will be popping up on my social media channels until the release.

I had a goal: to become a published author. Along with that goal came the hope of connecting with readers.It's a year later and I now have three books published, three ready for release, along with a novella, and a slew of story ideas bouncing around in my head.I should be patting myself on the back. Instead, I'm constantly checking to see how many pages of my books have been read on Kindle Unlimited, taking online marketing classes, and reading material about self-publishing. The result? I've overwhelmed myself to the point of I've had enough. It was never my intention to go into the marketing business in an effort to try and become a bestselling author. Would I like to be? Hell yes! What author wouldn't?But the time has come to refocus my energy. Sure, it's important to set goals and strive to be the best we can, but it's also important not to up the bar to the point of setting unrealistic and unhealthy expectations. For me, the result of doing so has changed my outlook, seeing this entire writing process as a chore instead of a pleasurable escape. I have a day job that I get paid to do. Writing was never meant to replace that. If it does one day, that would be great. But for now, I consider writing a passion I'm feeding. If I inspire one person, I've hit bestseller status. It has never been about quantity for me. It's so easy to get caught up in the hoopla of trying to be the best, wanting to be number one, but at what cost? It's more important to have peace of mind. All of this other, and yes, necessary marketing, has taken away from the little free time I have to write - the fun part. Well, I want to have fun again and not give up doing something I love because my focus has shifted. What is it you've upped the bar of to unhealthy proportions? Let's do the footwork to get the action done without jumping ten feet ahead of ourselves by setting unrealistic expectations. And most importantly, let's enjoy what we do.

My 9 year old had a speech to present at school today. He was very nervous, reciting the words repeatedly last night. He complained his stomach hurt, said he didn't want to do it, and told me he didn't have it memorized. He did because I heard him recite it. I explained to him that the best way to overcome fear is to face it. He argued that I didn't understand. Needless to say, he nailed it. He told me afterward it was no big deal. I do understand my son's worry because today I officially uploaded Destiny on Amazon, all by myself. Hence, I think I kicked ass because it's something I have never done before and it was a tedious process. I only hope I did it correctly and readers can find it. Sad and funny at the same time, but true. It takes up to 3 days to get on their site. I'll keep watching for it.The paperback version, on the other hand, is posing a challenge. That process will take a bit longer to figure out.I can also say I understand my son's worry because like him, I too have had physical symptoms due to the worry over getting these books revised and ready for publication, working on six at once, plus the novella - Eternity. It's been absolute madness. And let me not leave out I also work for my husband. So when my little one says I don't understand anticipatory anxiety, he's mistaken.Like every other fearful situation in life, we either run from it, which only makes it grow bigger, or we face it, which sometimes sucks but at least we can say we did it once on the other side.With an ass that does feel kicked from stress, I still say we kick ass when we face our fears.