Gabrielle Jarrett's Blog

I'm very excited to offer my new novel, Operation Rockwell, a timely story of sex-trafficking, the patriarchy, and feminism. May you enjoy it!!!

Coming soon! My second novel, Operation Rockwell will be available in paperback and Kindle from Amazon and paperback from IngramSpark.

Back cover: To the untrained eye, Middleton is like any other small idyllic town. But to those who are aware, it contains both the dark and light sides of human nature. Vera Jones teaches her adult sociology students about the history of feminism and the patriarchy while women and children are sex-trafficked across town. Philanthropists Sonia and Trevor Jacobs work with the high-powered attorney RIchard Guise, owner of a "gentleman's club" where Sebastian Smythe, a journalist, must decide what he is willing to sacrifice for a good story. Several couples work their way to love, while several lives will be lost in the coming FBI storm. Does revenge play a role in serving the common good? Welcome to Operation Rockwell.

REFLECTIONS ON 2020: PERFECT VISION

What is 2020? Perfect vision. We can see our connection to the world. Jung called it the collective unconscious. Buddhists say we are all one. A pandemic. Everyone, everyone in the whole wide world is affected by Covid19. Perfect vision: More BIPOC ( Black indigenous people of color) getting sicker from Covid19, dying from it, more unemployment, more tragedy.

2020. Perfect vision: We see extreme corruption in government, mentally imbalanced leaders who attempt to thwart democracy. We see how important democracy is and are determined not to lose it. We now see democracy had a near death experience.

2020. Perfect vision: Racial injustice is in our faces. White supremacy is the ruling system in our land. How will we ever not see George Floyd and too numerous to mention others who cannot breathe, being murdered by racist police, by racist citizens. By the system of white supremacy. We are shown in black and white that although most police officers are not racist and seek to protect citizens, white supremacy ignites brutality and corruption.

2020. Perfect vision: Lift up the large American Puritan heritage rock placed over their Shadow, unable to accept the darker side of human nature. Which has to be acknowledged vs acted upon. Cover it up. Cover it up. Sex trafficking. corruption, incest, murder, racism, sexism, hatred, mental imbalance in power. Lift up that rock and see all the creepy, crawly things that are revealed as they clamber out of darkness. Perfect vision within government, society, and ourselves.

2020. Perfect vision: How can we not see, acknowledge, and heal. The opportunity for perfect vision for ourselves. The time alone forced upon us, within our homes, to look within and with honesty see all the parts we embody - the glorious, the mystical, the tragic, the treacherous. We all have the capacity to be the killing policeman, to be the power hungry politicians who forget their ideal visions and reasons why they entered politics.

2020. Perfect vision: We have the opportunity to see, and to save. Many suggest the only way to do so is through love. May we learn simply to give and receive love. With our new perfect vision.



Gabrielle Jarrett
January 3 2021

REFLECTIONS ON 2020: PERFECT VISION

What is 2020? Perfect vision. We can see our connection to the world. Jung called it the collective unconscious. Buddhists say we are all one. A pandemic. Everyone, everyone in the whole wide world is affected by Covid19. Perfect vision: More BIPOC ( Black indigenous people of color) getting sicker from Covid19, dying from it, more unemployment, more tragedy.

2020. Perfect vision: We see extreme corruption in government, mentally imbalanced leaders who attempt to thwart democracy. We see how important democracy is and are determined not to lose it. We now see democracy had a near death experience.

2020. Perfect vision: Racial injustice is in our faces. White supremacy is the ruling system in our land. How will we ever not see George Floyd and too numerous to mention others who cannot breathe, being murdered by racist police, by racist citizens. By the system of white supremacy. We are shown in black and white that although most police officers are not racist and seek to protect citizens, white supremacy ignites brutality and corruption.

2020. Perfect vision: Lift up the large American Puritan heritage rock placed over their Shadow, unable to accept the darker side of human nature. Which has to be acknowledged vs acted upon. Cover it up. Cover it up. Sex trafficking. corruption, incest, murder, racism, sexism, hatred, mental imbalance in power. Lift up that rock and see all the creepy, crawly things that are revealed as they clamber out of darkness. Perfect vision within government, society, and ourselves.

2020. Perfect vision: How can we not see, acknowledge, and heal. The opportunity for perfect vision for ourselves. The time alone forced upon us, within our homes, to look within and with honesty see all the parts we embody – the glorious, the mystical, the tragic, the treacherous. We all have the capacity to be the killing policeman, to be the power hungry politicians who forget their ideal visions and reasons why they entered politics.

2020. Perfect vision: We have the opportunity to see, and to save. Many suggest the only way to do so is through love. May we learn simply to give and receive love. With our new perfect vision.

 

Gabrielle Jarrett

January 3 2021

Have you ever watched someone say “No thanks” to love? I watch British crime series, currently DCI Banks. (The outcome of the series is yet unknown, so no spoiler effect.) Banks and Annie are in love with each other. Circumstances interrupt the flow of their building love. In life, circumstances do interrupt the flow of love. We know love is not a fixed quantity. Love increases or decreases. It is a fire that needs tending – more logs, less logs, some kindling, some fat wood. Love, like fire, is organic. A love union is not committing to each other, it’s committing to tending and growing the love.

At this point in the series, it’s so clear and heart-breaking to watch Banks push Annie, who loves him, as he loves her, away. It seems he has reached an emotional point where he is afraid of overload, of breaking down, of too much emotion. He is in despair. Annie comes to comfort him. He tells her she needs to leave. He needs to be alone. Later, he is in another transition in his life and expresses the need to do it alone. He pushes love away. “No love for me right now, thanks.” Of course he does not say these words, but as viewers, we see the self-sabotage he creates for himself. He tells Annie “I need time.” She responds with “I may not have the patience…”

I wonder if “no thanks” to love is an all-too-common response from an independent (to a fault) person who has managed on their own successfully for long periods of time. Clearly the Chief Inspector is successful. He also has compassion for the victims of crime for his team, and his family. Yet, in his own personal flood of emotions, he has no compassion for himself. Or, he has forgotten how to receive compassion, how to receive love.

Annie offers him compassion, solace, and healing through her love for him. It’s too much for Banks to receive. I suspect he believes that he will fall apart emotionally if he shares his deep emotions with her. Or that he has to be ‘strong’, meaning his emotions weaken him. He has carefully constructed a wall around his heart which he fears will tumble stone by stone, if he allows her love to reach him. Then what?

We know he will be loved, held, and healed over time. He knows no other outcome than “No one can help me, I must do it myself.” He is unable to risk a single stone being loosened. He won’t risk his know emotional history for possible hurt, betrayal or being seen as weak. He does not trust that removing the stones will bring healing, will open his heart to joy and love, will comfort him and strengthen him. It’s simply not in his history and he cannot trust.

How often do we pass up opportunities for connection, for love, for healing? “No, thanks. No love for me. I’ll do it myself.” We forget when our stones are shifted and/or removed, our heart will break, but it will break open. Then can we receive love. “Yes, I will receive you and your love. Thank you…”

Peace

Gabrielle

4/26/19

I am reading Stages of Meditation written by The Dalai Lama. First, he requires focused concentration, not exactly available to me these days. However, I am gaining some insights that I think are worth sharing. Two quotes:

“Become aware of the disadvantages of disturbing emotions and their instability.”

“Compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free from suffering and its causes.” (sentient: having the power of perception by the senses, conscious)

I grew up in a childhood where it was necessary not to feel my emotions, but rather to feel or intuit others’ feelings. Great for developing protection and compassion. Not so great for recognizing my own feelings. I remember asking my analyst “How do you know what you feel?” His unsatisfactory and useless answer was: “You just know.” Duh. Why do you think I am here? (I thought, did not say.) Over time and other therapists and self-discovery, I learned to feel, to recognize feelings, and to put my emotions into words. Which, of course, I am still working on. In recent years, I’ve learned, mainly via Buddhism, to recognize, name, and let go of feelings. I shake my head. More learnings.

The disadvantages of disturbing emotions are so concise and incisive. Disturbing emotions are not advantageous to ourselves and certainly not to others. What are they there for anyhow? I like the definition that the purpose of feelings is to give us information about our environment. I would also add – and about ourselves. What are the disturbing emotions? Hurt. Resentment, Anger. Jealousy. We know our list of familiar feelings that bring us down into suffering – the biggest disadvantage.

Once I read that feelings last 90 seconds. They build, peak, and recede. A bit like waves in the ocean. They last 90 seconds if we don’t disturb or interrupt them. The problem is that we feed them before the 90 seconds are up. We create stories to massage, grow, and retain the feeling. Then we suffer – a clear disadvantage to happiness. As always, the first step to change is in becoming aware. We might note “oh, there’s that same story I create to keep that familiar feeling.” Over and over and over. Yes, it usually does go back to childhood – when we were children without choices. Now we are adults with choices.

Compassion for ourselves and those repetitious feelings can relieve our suffering. Then we are able to create compassion for others and have the desire to free them from suffering and its causes.

Lots to think about, I know. May you be free from suffering and enjoy happiness.

Peace

Gabrielle

April 12, 2019

Envy: the emotion of coveting/wanting what someone else has and not wishing ill will on the possessor.

Jealousy: the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else; the fear you may be replaced in the affection of someone you love.

(Definitions supplied by John Sanford in The Invisible Partners)

I find jealousy to be a deep, complex, and dangerous emotion which I will only touch upon today. My first thought is that it simply is part of a love and/or romantic relationship. A given. Second, it’s what kids feel, teens feel, insecure people feel. It’s what mothers feel. Then I realized it is pervasive across ages, classes, and culture. How it is or is not expressed is vast. What is and is not acceptable is just as vast. It is a human condition.

My first association to the word jealousy is the Old Testament telling me God is a jealous god, threatening generational destruction and punishment, somehow indicating it was okay for God to behave in such a manner. Yet, I also was taught God was love. Thereafter, I presumed love and jealousy went together and you can’t have one without the other. It took many decades to learn the falseness of my belief, a tragedy in emotions. If a boyfriend or husband told me he was jealous, I was told “it’s because I love you.”

Over time I learned that jealousy is not a proclamation of love, is not part and parcel of love, and is not okay. It is a mark of possession and not wanting to lose that possession.

Love is not about jealousy. Love is about freedom and trust, tenderness and vulnerability.

Parents can be jealous, too. Of their children. Of losing the love of their partner to a child. Jealousy is another scarcity principle. It is a belief that there is not enough love for everyone. Some people believe love will get used up, and taken away from them. They allow and even feed their jealousy. Jealousy gives an adrenaline high, which can be very hurtful and mean to the person they call their beloved. What happen to the victim of jealousy? He feels guilt for something he did not do or think or feel. She feels attacked just for being herself.

Just as partners suffer from their jealous partner, children suffer from a jealous parent. Because the jealous person person feels fear and loss, they indirectly and directly attack and blame the person they claim to love. They create a false myth to justify their destructive emotion and behaviors. The beloved becomes their victim.

Jealousy is a human emotion. Like hatred, it is one the emotions we must recognize and work with before it damages someone we profess to love. God was pretty vicious in those days. Perhaps it was just a teaching story: this is what jealousy can do so guard yourself carefully because I, God, do know the dangers it can wreak upon people. Maybe God was sharing. Maybe not.

If we are the perpetrator of jealousy, we must rethink and decide if we really love the beloved. If we are the beloved, we must really recognize that jealousy is destructive, not okay, and certainly not an expression of love. Then we re-assess the relationship. It is not an expression of love. It is an expression of fear that a possession will be lost, a possession that is important to the jealous one. Love does not possess. Jealousy from a parent is not our fault. Jealousy in a partner is a caution light, a red flag, and a wake-up call to the beloved. Always.

Peace

Gabrielle Jarrett

3/29/19

It’s Spring! Or it’s very close to Spring, depending on your geography and the vagaries of global warming effects. As I thought about it, the concept of sacrifice really doesn’t go with Spring and new life. Yet, I note that many Christians sacrifice before Easter, and of course, the death Jesus is seen as the biggest sacrifice of all. Traditionally, Passover included The Passover Sacrifice, symbol of another big sacrifice, Abraham willing to sacrifice his son in death. Islam has as a “Festival of Sacrifice” or Eid al-Adha in August of 2019 but the second most important holiday. Hinduism celebrates Holy – marking the arrival of Spring and the destruction of evil and the triumph of good. No sacrifice. Different Buddhist traditions celebrate different holidays, but all traditions celebrate the Spring/Vesak/April 14 holiday – the birth, enlightenment, and death of the Buddha. Pagans celebrate the Spring/Vernal Equinox – joy and the fertility of Mother Earth.

Celebrating a sacrifice sounds a bit like an oxymoron, the unification of opposite meanings. However, to each her own, to his own. In the pagan tradition, I like to celebrate the Verna Equinox (March 20 ESDT this year). I am drawn to the birth of Spring, the promise of fertility in all areas of my life, and new growth. Sacrifice does enter in as we sacrifice the Winter, the old ways of doing things and of living our lives. The original definition of sacrifice was “to make holy”. (This would be before the patriarchy got its hands on it and made sacrifice into the slaughter of people or animals to satisfy their sky god.) In truth, we must give up something we have, do, think, or carry – in order to make room for the new.

We sacrifice former beliefs, former theories, and former patterns of behavior when we realize they are no longer working for us. We let go of our cars, homes, clothes, books and “stuff” when we realize we longer need those things, that they no longer work for us. We realize we are different than when we chose or bought those things. We have grown into someone new, different, and still unknown – always becoming. Sometimes, we realize that those we thought of as friends no longer really value us. We notice it is only us putting the energy into the friendship. We let the friendship go. It no longer works for us.

In the letting go, the sacrifice, and the making holy, we honor all these events, people, things, and ways of thinking and behaving. We let go with gratitude and grace. Once we are aware that the expiration date is up, anything kept longer becomes a burden, a resentment or a sense of sorrow.

May you let go of all burdens and celebrate the Return of Spring with the New Life that she brings!

Peace

Gabrielle Jarrett

March 15, 2019

A song from the 1930’s states that “Memory Lane is a one way street.” The term is now over a hundred years old, originating at the turn of the previous century. In walking down Memory Lane, we think we know where we are going, after all, we have been there, right? We all know that we don’t know, as Memory is a great shape-shifter.

I am currently visiting Memory Lane quite often as I am down-sizing and putting my house on the market this summer. (No worries, I will continue to live in Cleveland Heights as well as continue my practice.) In the effort to down-size, I am minimizing. My visits to the Lane are unavoidable.

My first challenge is to set my mind in a non-judgmental, non-regret mode. The Japanese phrase of my last blog becomes my Memory Lane Mantra:

Shikata ga nai: It cannot be helped. The past cannot be helped is kind of a no-brainer, yes? Why would I give more than passing focus to the past when it cannot be changed? Well, if I can see errors in my judgment and now make different choices, Memory Lane is quite useful. If I can see the past from a new perspective and make amends, another positive outcome occurs. If I can feel the spontaneous and sometimes difficult feelings and let them go, the experience can be enriching.

There are golden nuggets of joy, love, and pride scattered about the Lane. I see it can be a route of surprise riches and emotional wealth as long as I can see, remember, experience, and let go. I can let go vs. mulling over with would’ves, could’ves, and should’ves, that treacherous trinity.

The key is always to let go, isn’t it? I remind myself to come back to the present, knowing I can and will return to Memory Lane. I always have chances to travel that one way street now that I know the way back to the present, where Life truly occurs.

Tolerance. What is tolerance? “Fair, objective and permissive attitude toward those whose beliefs are different than ours. Patience. Endurance. Resilience.” This what the dictionary teaches.

I think acceptance is the precursor to the great virtue of tolerance. Two thoughts come to mind. 1) A Zen teacher advised his student to grant your cow a vast pasture. To me, it means giving my mind a wide berth, cutting slack, and accepting the “what is.” The Buddha shortened the phrase to “Just Is.” 2) I learned a beautiful Japanese phrase from a client: Shikata ga ni. It is translated “It cannot be helped.” American usage is “it is what it is.” I prefer Shikata ga ni. In reality, so much cannot be helped…

It’s important to know that acceptance is not defeat. In fact, for our emotional well-being, acceptance is quite the opposite. It’s a victory! The Serenity Prayer shows up so often. I see keys to happiness all around me. The practice of acceptance which leads to tolerance is the challenge. Acting upon the reminders is a daily intention. Then I can accept that I do not meet that intention.

I wonder if tolerance is different for introverts and extroverts? I know I need to work for acceptance of my own challenges going unmet. Sometimes I am far more generous in accepting others’ short-comings. Not my own. Do extroverts have the bigger challenge in accepting others? Or their own falling short of the goals? I don’t know.

Currently, my awareness of the Four Buddhist Virtues provides timely reminders. They are loving-kindness or benevolence, compassion, empathic joy, and equanimity. Often the Four Near Enemies come charging in to wreak havoc. They are indifference, pity, envy, and jealousy.

Guidelines. We have so many guidelines scattered throughout our environment, our consciousness, and our lives every day. May we accept ourselves and others in our quest for tolerance.

Peace

Gabrielle

2/15/2019