Danielle Patarazzi's Blog

Mom took this photo of me a few weeks ago on the beach in Sorrento. At first I didn’t want to post it because I didn’t like how my body looked. Pasty white and a bit tummy-soft wearing a ragged old bikini. But then I noticed all the European women around me, many middle aged and elderly, wearing their bikinis with pride, not a care in the world, enjoying the sunshine. Their sags showing, soft bellies hanging out, wrinkled, sun-damaged skin, scars and stretch marks. Both mom and I then decided not to be self conscience about our bodies. I’m torn on the American culture of body image. On one hand we have an obesity epidemic (you don’t see many obese people in Italy; overweight, yes, but obese, no) what with all the over-processed food in stores and fast food and chain restaurants on every corner. On the other hand American women are always labeled “too skinny” or “too fat.” I weighed 98 pounds up until I was 27. That’s when I moved to Florence and gained what I called the Tuscan Twenty. But at 98 pounds, I was always made to feel self conscious, even being accused of having an eating disorder, as if that’s the only reason someone can be that thin. It’s sad, really. So next time you see an American woman in a two piece, no matter her age or size, don’t say, “Women over 40 shouldn’t wear bikinis” (I’ve heard that one before) or “She needs to lay of the burgers.” Instead, admire her for her confidence, and strive to be like her as you age. For me, I’m 48 and still wear a bikini. Just bought a new one in Sorrento. I don’t want to wear a one-piece, mainly because I don’t want to cover my belly piercing that I got for my 28th birthday.

This is the moment I've been waiting for since I was nine years old.Soon my debut novel, All Because of Hannah, will be published. I dragged my feet a bit on this one, but I wanted to make sure it was the best that it could be. I hired editors, did tons of research with experts, had beta readers read through the manuscript at various times during the writing process. I set aside the project from time to time to let it rest. Sometimes for a few days. Sometimes a few months. It's been a long journey. The story is loosely based on my life. I know all authors say that. But this is a story inspired by a profound turning point in my life that happened when I was 11. It is fiction, though. The characters are completely different, and some of plot elements that happened in the story did not happen to us in real life. Some, however, did. I remember the editors questioning the verisimilitude of certain scenes in the book until I assured them that they actually happened. We also experienced a lot of the same emotion, confusion, anger and uncertainty that the characters experience in the book. Writing it was cathartic in some ways. Frustrating in others. I've heard a lot of writers say they're going to miss their characters after they finish writing the book. I won't. I was a little concerned about this at first. Is it because they're not likable enough? Developed enough? Real enough? I think it's because the story hits too close to home. It was difficult living through it, and it was difficult capturing it on the pages. The characters are sad and angry for most of the book. This could be another reason why I won't miss them. They are going through a traumatic event after all, so I can't blame them. But I won't miss them.I'm both excited and nervous as this has been one of the only major goals in my life: to publish a book. Now it's close to becoming accomplished, and I'm not sure what to do with myself after it's achieved.I guess I'll have to make new goals.

It’s been a year since I uprooted my life and moved half way across the country to a place I barely knew filled with people I’ve never met. People still ask me why I did it.I still ask myself the same question.I spent my entire life in the Chicago area, save for college and a brief stint in my late 20s living in Florence, Italy (another urge to uproot and relocate). But something was pulling me to California, to this little town that most Midwesterners had never heard of. I’ve never been more sure of something in my life than I was about moving to San Luis Obispo. It just had to be done.Living in a small town has been an adjustment. I still get annoyed when I have to drive a mile to the nearest grocery store just to get an avocado. I curse every time I pull in to another fucking strip mall and proceed to get lost. And when U2 went on their Joshua Tree 30th Anniversary Tour, I missed it because huge musical acts usually don’t come to the Central Coast.But I'm still liking it here.I’ve found some friends that enjoy partaking in Happy Hour as much as I do. I tried new experiences like rock climbing and golf. I’ve rekindled my relationship with yoga. I hiked miles of rustic trails and climbed mountains. There are endless beaches so I'm going to start hunting for beach glass so I can, I don’t know, make a stained glass window? And I’m contemplating taking guitar lessons. People ask me what dating is like here in SLO. I tell them it’s the same as Chicago except the guys are in better shape.Recently I went back to Chicago for a few days before meeting my parents in Italy. I met up with my girlfriends for a night out at one of Chicago’s new rooftop bars. The next morning, I rolled out of bed and met a friend for brunch. It was just like the good old days. But while I loved hanging with my old friends, it felt different this time. It’s not that Chicago has changed; it hasn’t, and neither have I. It’s just a chapter in my life that is now closed, and it made me a little sad.It got me thinking about other chapters of my life, the times I had that were so full of fun and excitement that I was always bursting with happiness and walking around with a persistent glow about me. College was like that for me. So were a few years around the new Millennium. And so were my last five or so years in Chicago before I decided to move.Every chapter must come to a close, no matter how much we’re enjoying it. That’s just how life is. One of the reasons I decided to move to SLO was because I wanted to experience a different lifestyle than the one I was living. I didn’t want to just move from one major city to another. But I am a big city girl, so my stay in SLO will be temporary. How temporary, I’m not sure. I recently spoke to a friend about moving to San Francisco together in a couple years. I also spoke to another friend about moving to Europe together as soon as she gets her EU citizenship. So who knows what my next chapter will be about.But I’m not done with this chapter yet. I still have some mountains to climb.

This morning I woke with the intention of attending a Hatha Yoga class with one of my favorite teachers here in SLO, Laura Rogers. Normally during the week, Laura's classes start at the top of the hour. Because I work from home (and I use the term "work" loosely since I've been lax in my writing and Arbonne business the last couple weeks), I never know what day of the week it is. So into Smiling Dog Yoga I strolled at 9:50 a.m. The girl at the front desk greeted me (by my name! Meaning: They're getting to know me at Smiling Dog! Meaning: I'm going often enough to be known!). I noticed the door to the studio was closed with the sign informing that a class was in session. All the cubbies were filled with yogis' personal belongings. And then I remembered it was Sunday, and I was actually ten minutes late for Laura's class. While I contemplated going home, skipping yoga today, and spend another day sitting on my butt watching TV, the girl at the desk (I guess I should learn her name since she knows mine) convinced me to try Vinyasa 1 with Leslie St. John, another favorite yoga teacher. I've taken Leslie's Restoration Yoga class before and loved it. But I wasn't sure if I was ready for Vinyasa. It's similar to Power Yoga, which was popular in the 90s and the 00s, and which I used to practice on a semi-regular basis. But it had been so long, and I wasn't sure my body was strong enough. But they talked me into it, and signed me up for the 11 a.m. class. I spent the next hour strolling around the neighborhood, stopping in House of Bread and buying one of their fresh cinnamon rolls and a coffee. I was concerned with the intake of sugar and calories and how it was going to affect my complexion. But I still savored each gooey piece dipped in coffee without guilt. Vinyasa is more active than Hatha. For the past few months I've been enjoying the relaxing pace of Hatha and was fine with not breaking a sweat. But after four years of Hip Hop dance classes in Chicago (miss you, Viola!), I knew I needed to step up my yoga game. As I went through each juicy pose and felt my muscles strengthening, cinnamon roll calories burning, and negative energy releasing, I realized how much at home I was feeling here in California.California is like its own little island. That's what my health insurance broker told me when I asked her if she thought a Trump presidency was going to lead to significant changes to the ACA. Since the election I've felt disillusioned with everything going on in the country. It was affecting me in negative ways, and the toxicity was becoming an issue in my personal life. But the broker's statement gave me hope; it felt like someone wrapped a blanket around me and said everything was going to be okay. Maybe I'm being naive. Maybe I'm overreacting. But I'm going to respect these feelings I'm having while I take each step forward into my future as a California resident.I'm going to wash all the Vinyasa sweat off me now. Then I'll clean the apartment, open the front door and set up the pet gate so Nikkie can roam around in the fresh air and sunshine. Maybe I'll read a little, listen to something new on Spotify, and even make some progress on the outline of my latest novel. And I'll appreciate the life I'm living as a Californian on our own little island.

Well, I didn't really plan this out before deciding to join NaNoWriMo the day before it started. I'm a combination of a Plotter and a Pantser, but more of a Plotter. I've written books without plotting before, and I usually end up with hundreds of pages of a story going nowhere. That's where I feel I'm at right now, half way through the month of November. Since I didn't start with an outline, I feel like I'm writing in circles. I have a plot idea. I think it's pretty solid, but I feel I need to outline my thoughts first to at least see a direction to go in. I already began doing some research on the topic too. But unfortunately, I've fallen way behind in my word count. Last weekend I went to San Francisco with some girlfriends. I had intended on writing while I was there, but you know how girls weekends go. This weekend I have another friend coming into town for a five-day visit. Will I get to write everyday while she's here? Not sure.Am I making excuses? Sure sure I am. But since I started writing without direction to begin with, I don't fault myself for setting my writing aside for a week. So have I failed at NaNo? Well, the month isn't over yet. I'll keep writing. Everyday if possible. I will most likely not make it to 50,000 words by the end of the month. But at least I have some characters that are starting to come alive, and a plot idea that I know will lead to a solid outline to work with.I don't consider this a failure. The only failure is if I quit writing all together. And that will never happen.

Today is my two month anniversary of living in San Luis Obispo, CA, and while I'm loving my new lifestyle, I'm still wondering what it is that brought me out here. When I first visited SLO two and a half years ago, I told my friend Kirsten, "I'm gonna move here." I liked the hiking, the beach, the proximity to so many other great towns and cities in California. The wine. The people. The laid back lifestyle. The change. The fact that it was named the Happiest Place in America. I knew without a doubt that I would be moving here. With no hesitation, I got rid of most of my belongings, rented out my condo, packed a large suitcase and flew out here with my 20-year-old cat to start a new chapter. But I also know that there's another reason why I was drawn to SLO. Why I upended my wonderful life that I had built for myself in Chicago the past 20 years to come out to this little town that many people still haven't heard of. Only the Universe knows what that reason is. Soon I will find out. I'm a big city girl. Living in Chicago, I had every thing I could possibly want or need literally across the street from me. Now if I need to get one thing at the grocery store, I have to drive two miles to get it (I know, First World Problems). It's an adjustment for sure. But it's only temporary. Maybe I'll stay in SLO for a year or two, then move to another part of California. Maybe San Francisco or Los Angeles. Or maybe I'll move to another state like Colorado or Oregon. Or another country. Nothing in life is permanent, and that's how I like it.I took a road trip to LA this weekend to attend the Writer's Digest Novel Writing Conference and came home ready to dive in to my next writing project. I've had a few plot ideas simmering in my head for a several months now, and I'm ready to put the fingers on the keyboard. Tomorrow is the first day of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where writers all over the country (or maybe the world?) are joining together online to churn out a first draft of a novel in 30 days. After attending the NaNoWriMo Pep Rally at the conference, I decide it was the best way to get my first draft completed. So I joined. Gulp. Today I worked on some minor character development. Tomorrow I begin bringing those characters to life. We'll see where I end up on November 30th.

A couple of weeks ago I was searching the Internet for a writers conference to attend. I haven't been to one in an embarrassing number of years, and now that my book is done, I felt it was time to get back into them. Since moving to California in August, I was looking for conferences in this area.There was one in LA. That started the very next day. Sigh.There was one in San Diego, but I really didn't want to go that far. Then later that night after giving up on my Internet search, on the SLO Tribune's Facebook page I learned that the Central Coast Writers Conference was happening that weekend, right in my backyard! Serendipity!I immediately registered. And while several of the panels and workshops covered a lot of the basics I already knew, it was the opportunities I had to meet face to face with other agents and get their feedback that was most valuable.My biggest takeaway: Move on. It was time to put All Because of Hannah on the back burner and start making progress on my second book. I'd been simmering ideas in my head for months, no - years, since I finished ABOH, but I haven't gotten a solid plot to work off of. Sure, I go to Kreuzberg Cafe a few times a week and just sit my butt down and write, but I don't have any real story to push me along.So now I signed up for the Writers Digest Novel Writing Conference in LA at the end of the month, and I'm really excited to road trip down there and improve my craft. Another thing I learned (which I already knew but was in denial) is that I needed to relaunch my website and start blogging. Again. Ugh. Not sure what I'm going to blog about. Truth be told, I don't read a lot of blogs unless they have to do with personal growth or nutrition or writing. And my old blog on Blogspot (www.danisstartingtohappen.blogspot.com) was based mainly on my lifestyle. And as exciting as I think my lifestyle is, it's certainly not blog-worthy.Anyway, here I go again with the blogging. Let's see how I do this time around. Stay tuned!

Check out old entries on Dani's Starting to Happen on Blogspot. There are too many to transfer. I plan on blogging again soon right here, so check back later.