Alka Joshi's Blog
October 25, 2019
The Sari vs. Modern India
Earlier this year, Architecture faculty at Ansal University in Gurgaon, just outside New Delhi, received an email from the registrar to attend a convocation. It requested formal dress: "trouser, coat and tie for men" and "saris for women." This sparked a lively, funny, albeit very polite, conversation on WhatsApp among the female faculty, who normally wear trousers, Western shirts/tops, or salwar kameez most days.
"I may not wear a sari...I don't even own one!"
"I do not even know how to wear a sari."
"[I'm] not against saris. But 7:30 in the morning, especially when I'm not used to it is definitely a challenge."
"Can't tie one at 7am and drive...and get through the day!"
"No sari. Impossible to wear and report at 7:30 in the morning."
"Why a sari at all?"
"If we're wearing a sari, wouldn't a dhoti be more in sync for the men?"
(Now mostly worn by village men, a dhoti is a white cloth from five to seven yards in length, wrapped loosely around the legs and tied in a knot at the waist. While dhotis have gone out of fashion, saris are still a mainstay of style magazines, weddings and family gatherings.)
"We are all sensible enough to know what to wear. Most of us might even have worn saris to the event without being asked. But when you tell us exactly what to wear, we are going to have something to say," laughs Monisha Sharma, associate professor. "Our Dean told us to just look as smart as we do every day, so that's what we'll do."
In addition to teaching, these women are working architects. Already at construction sites they are greeted with curious expressions: Can women really be architects? Another professor told me that she had organized a site visit to a factory for her students. When they got to the site, the founder only interacted with the junior male faculty who had accompanied her. Similarly, a female architect who was managing a project for her father's structural engineering firm was not being consulted by the construction team until her father ordered them to talk only to her. She was, after all, the only one who could answer their questions.
To a Westerner like me, it's surprising that the women's reaction is not anger. They laugh it off. "We have all made our mark in our profession," they say.
At the convocation, the female faculty wore Western trouser suits. Not a sari in sight.
There's more than one way to make a statement.
"I may not wear a sari...I don't even own one!"
"I do not even know how to wear a sari."
"[I'm] not against saris. But 7:30 in the morning, especially when I'm not used to it is definitely a challenge."
"Can't tie one at 7am and drive...and get through the day!"
"No sari. Impossible to wear and report at 7:30 in the morning."
"Why a sari at all?"
"If we're wearing a sari, wouldn't a dhoti be more in sync for the men?"
(Now mostly worn by village men, a dhoti is a white cloth from five to seven yards in length, wrapped loosely around the legs and tied in a knot at the waist. While dhotis have gone out of fashion, saris are still a mainstay of style magazines, weddings and family gatherings.)
"We are all sensible enough to know what to wear. Most of us might even have worn saris to the event without being asked. But when you tell us exactly what to wear, we are going to have something to say," laughs Monisha Sharma, associate professor. "Our Dean told us to just look as smart as we do every day, so that's what we'll do."
In addition to teaching, these women are working architects. Already at construction sites they are greeted with curious expressions: Can women really be architects? Another professor told me that she had organized a site visit to a factory for her students. When they got to the site, the founder only interacted with the junior male faculty who had accompanied her. Similarly, a female architect who was managing a project for her father's structural engineering firm was not being consulted by the construction team until her father ordered them to talk only to her. She was, after all, the only one who could answer their questions.
To a Westerner like me, it's surprising that the women's reaction is not anger. They laugh it off. "We have all made our mark in our profession," they say.
At the convocation, the female faculty wore Western trouser suits. Not a sari in sight.
There's more than one way to make a statement.
Rules of India's Marriage Game
India's middle class comprises from 300 to 600 million people. In comparison, the entire population of the United States is 350 million. The young women from India’s middle class are able to enroll in higher education--both in India and abroad--in unprecedented numbers. And they all speak English fluently.
One female engineering student explained, “As we were growing up, our parents also grew with us.” So while their parents may not have had opportunities to explore higher education or unconventional careers, these girls have been allowed to pursue their passions. Prime Minister Modi himself is a huge advocate for girls' education. Billboards with headlines like: “Girl, read. Girl, get educated” carry his photo across the country.
Yet, while young women can now negotiate higher education--even in cities far away from their hometown—they do so with the promise that they will get married once their Bachelors or Masters degree is in hand. One student told me, “My mom said you should stop after your Masters. If you go for a Ph.D., how will we find a husband for you?” In India, the pressure to get married, regardless of education and career accomplishments, is intense.
I spoke to young women in Mumbai, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Jaipur, and Delhi who said they were so busy studying and pursuing their careers that they were not yet thinking about marriage or children. Having parents who initiate and administer their matrimonial profiles relieves these women of the burden of finding a husband. These future brides are only roped into the process once their parents have winnowed the field down to a manageable number of candidates. If the women have been able to stave off the inevitable with education, their parents wait until they have graduated.
Here are some of the rules, spoken and unspoken, that I learned about the marriage game in India:
1. It’s preferable for daughters to marry before 30 and sons before 35. After those ages, parents find it difficult to locate suitable partners.
2. It’s not prudent for daughters to be more educated than their husbands. After marriage, the couple can decide to invest in the wife’s further education or career.
3. Once a daughter graduates with her BA or MA, she should start having children within 6 or 7 years.
4. Educated women are often choosing to have only one child so they can focus on their careers (and because private education for their children is so expensive).
5. Parents will look for a suitable groom from the same caste. “But If we fall in love with a boy from another caste, our parents will learn to be okay with it,” one student said.
Young women credit the Internet with raising awareness of the myriad choices open to them today. “My aunt wasn’t even allowed to play outside as a girl. I was allowed to talk openly, argue with my brothers, and play rough sports,” says one.
However, these same smart, articulate, ambitious women freely admit that while opportunities abound, marriage still takes precedence in their culture. And they’re okay with that societal requirement...as long as they get to complete their degrees.
More in an upcoming blog about the 70 million unmarried women in India today.
One female engineering student explained, “As we were growing up, our parents also grew with us.” So while their parents may not have had opportunities to explore higher education or unconventional careers, these girls have been allowed to pursue their passions. Prime Minister Modi himself is a huge advocate for girls' education. Billboards with headlines like: “Girl, read. Girl, get educated” carry his photo across the country.
Yet, while young women can now negotiate higher education--even in cities far away from their hometown—they do so with the promise that they will get married once their Bachelors or Masters degree is in hand. One student told me, “My mom said you should stop after your Masters. If you go for a Ph.D., how will we find a husband for you?” In India, the pressure to get married, regardless of education and career accomplishments, is intense.
I spoke to young women in Mumbai, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Jaipur, and Delhi who said they were so busy studying and pursuing their careers that they were not yet thinking about marriage or children. Having parents who initiate and administer their matrimonial profiles relieves these women of the burden of finding a husband. These future brides are only roped into the process once their parents have winnowed the field down to a manageable number of candidates. If the women have been able to stave off the inevitable with education, their parents wait until they have graduated.
Here are some of the rules, spoken and unspoken, that I learned about the marriage game in India:
1. It’s preferable for daughters to marry before 30 and sons before 35. After those ages, parents find it difficult to locate suitable partners.
2. It’s not prudent for daughters to be more educated than their husbands. After marriage, the couple can decide to invest in the wife’s further education or career.
3. Once a daughter graduates with her BA or MA, she should start having children within 6 or 7 years.
4. Educated women are often choosing to have only one child so they can focus on their careers (and because private education for their children is so expensive).
5. Parents will look for a suitable groom from the same caste. “But If we fall in love with a boy from another caste, our parents will learn to be okay with it,” one student said.
Young women credit the Internet with raising awareness of the myriad choices open to them today. “My aunt wasn’t even allowed to play outside as a girl. I was allowed to talk openly, argue with my brothers, and play rough sports,” says one.
However, these same smart, articulate, ambitious women freely admit that while opportunities abound, marriage still takes precedence in their culture. And they’re okay with that societal requirement...as long as they get to complete their degrees.
More in an upcoming blog about the 70 million unmarried women in India today.
Education First, Marriage Second
In today's India, even young women from poor villages are putting education before marriage. On March 15, 2019, the Times of India reported on a woman who did just that in the state of Maharashtra, on the Western coast of India.
Renuka Pawar, 20, is from the small village of Hursal. Born to a poor family, she was determined to let nothing stand in her way to complete her education, especially since the death of her father. So while her groom waited for her, along with two other parties who were conducting ceremonies in a mass wedding, Renuka sat for her Economics exam for Class 12.
In India, after Class 10, students have the option of completing two more years (referred to as their 10 + 2) before entering college or university. How well they do in their Class 12 exams determines which higher education institution they will be admitted to.
Renuka said she'd worked hard for her education and she didn't want marariage to interrupt it. When she entered the wedding hall after finishing her exam, the crowd burst into applause.
Young women like Renuka are a growing force in India. They know what they want and they're not shy about insisting on their right to an education. Atta girl, Renuka!
Renuka Pawar, 20, is from the small village of Hursal. Born to a poor family, she was determined to let nothing stand in her way to complete her education, especially since the death of her father. So while her groom waited for her, along with two other parties who were conducting ceremonies in a mass wedding, Renuka sat for her Economics exam for Class 12.
In India, after Class 10, students have the option of completing two more years (referred to as their 10 + 2) before entering college or university. How well they do in their Class 12 exams determines which higher education institution they will be admitted to.
Renuka said she'd worked hard for her education and she didn't want marariage to interrupt it. When she entered the wedding hall after finishing her exam, the crowd burst into applause.
Young women like Renuka are a growing force in India. They know what they want and they're not shy about insisting on their right to an education. Atta girl, Renuka!
