M. Reali-Elliott's Blog

My pastor recently shared the allusion that repentance and faith are like two pedals of a bicycle, that we must intentionally work back and forth constantly to keep moving forward in our journey towards Christ. He also presented the challenge to consider whether there had been true repentance versus just continuing on in life, reminding me that repentance isn’t just turning away from sin, but turning toward God. Too often we treat repentance as a one time thing at the moment of conversion to faith, then tend to think that the work is complete and we simply now live “in Christ.”

That’s just not how it works. We all still stumble and fall and commit sins; what matters is what we do with that continued sin. Does it mean you aren’t a true follower of Christ if you still err? No, don’t let worldly thinking tell you that. Do you love your sin still, or champion sin in others, as we’re seeing with some celebrity personas right now? Well, that’s not the mark of a true believer, yet when it is pointed out to you, you again have a choice to commit your heart to the Lord. Our ears should all frequently hear the echo of Nathan to King David, “You are the man!” when Nathan challenged him for his sins, supposedly done in secret, yet with devastating public consequences, to which David appropriately broke down and cried out, “I have sinned against the Lord!”

Only one man has been above sin in this world. And more sin requires more repentance. While we live in this fallen world, we will be faced with this need over and over again. Finish your race well. Would that we all respond to our sins being revealed to us in the way King David did.

I have a few friends who swear they pray a prayer of repentance every morning, but their lives do not reflect any remorse for the things they have done. And some of these are practitioners of works-based justification! If this is pointed out to them, they become irate, claiming it is between them and God. I have even heard other believers avidly state, “I agree that what you are saying is the right thing to do, but I am not going to do it.” Don’t shirk true repentance when the need is revealed to you. It isn’t simply words you say only to God, then go about living your life the way you always have, since we will all face the judgment throne one day, and the thought of choosing to live in sin and knowing we will have to face Him should leave us terrified.

And yet we’ve been forgiven, if we have faith in the saving grace of Jesus. There is that comfort–that we are not our own, but belong body and soul, in life and in death, to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ.

So this begs a question: why do we repent to God? Why is it important to do, once we are saved, knowing that we are forgiven and Jesus has already paid the price for those sins? Is it just to check a box that we have “done the right thing” in actually saying it to God? That can’t be, because that’s just another way to make it about us fallen folks and our efforts which remain insufficient. I would say that by earnestly acknowledging to God that we are sinners puts us in right relationship to Him, recognizing that He is Lord of all, and just how much we need His grace and mercy daily. It is more than simply words, but should so rack our bodies with remorse that it causes us to cry out to God with humility and longing for Him to change our hearts to seek and be more like Him. To not have this response is to incur more guilt and judgment that we must later account to God for, and the thought of choosing to live in sin and knowing we will have to face Him should be more than we can bear. For we too, I too, have sinned against the Lord and it brings me to my knees.

So another question: why should we not treat other people in the same way when we have also sinned against them? If we also seek to be in right relationship with our friends, family, colleagues, others, do they not also deserve to know that we as Christians will hold ourselves accountable for our actions and seek to make up for what we have done?

When I was young, my dad once had me make a list of everyone who had been hurt by something I did. He helped fill in the list so I could see just how large of an impact a single choice could have, the ways sin ripples out and touches the lives of others you never even considered. If we take our time to truly consider the far-reaching impacts of our sin, the ways it has tainted our life and that of others we love and some we don’t even know, it should bring us to our knees. Then the ones we are able to reach deserve to hear that we recognize what we have done and would like to restore the relationship. Sorry shouldn’t just happen inside our head if we have the opportunity to speak it aloud.

There have been many opinions about the “What Would Jesus Do?” slogan popularized a few decades ago, but what I’ve always found to be a more fitting question is to instead ask “What would I do if this were Jesus I was doing it to?”. As Jesus said in Matthew 25, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” This can apply to acts of kindness or ill treatment alike. That sin you’re refusing to change in your life, to apologize for, or attempt to make amends that you have done to someone in your life–it is as if you did it to Him. Would you still have done it if you had Him in mind? We all fail at this daily, this pausing to ask these two questions, but what we can do is repent and apologize after the fact, then earnestly seek the transformation of our hearts to move forward in a way that would be pleasing to God.

Sometimes we must ride our bicycles up a steep path, and those pedals–faith, repentance, faith, repentance, faith, repentance–get hard to push. And we can’t really ride a bicycle well if we only push one pedal and ignore the other. Sometimes the faith pedal is more challenging, and sometimes the repentance pedal hurts to lean into. If facing your sins and pushing the repentance pedal seems difficult to bear, I pray that the good news of the faith pedal refreshes your spirit. Keep pedaling forward; finish the race well.

Back in mid-November, my next fellow co-authors and I joined our publisher for a group call. We had all signed up to author a chapter in A New Vision for DEI and were meeting each other for the first time.

Diversity has been important to me for a long time. Part of the vision for this book came about as I was speaking to my Greener Data publisher about concepts for a book we were ideating that would allow me to re-release my Summer 20XX thoughts in a new way, and maybe still bring about the lessons learned as I’ve been able to move away from the pain of loss suffered shortly after its first publishing. As we talked about our goals and vision, it became clear that another work was so timely that we had to join forces again to share different thoughts on diversity.

So she set about arranging another multi-author publication that would capture these new collective thoughts. Our first call helped to guide us all together to be part of this conversation as a way to speak our vision into existence. We all shared how we needed to be “in the room” in order to do this.

Because the subject is DEI, I love that this is a multi-author work, because none of us can do this alone–we weren’t meant to.

We were each asked to answer a few questions and, to lay the groundwork for my portion, I excitedly wanted to share my answers with you today.

Why did you say yes to writing a chapter in this book?

I have faced my own share of discrimination. The sad thing is that we all have. Either age, gender, background, or some other perceived difference have caused others to form negative opinions about us without ever giving us a chance. I wanted to leave a legacy of bringing these conversations to the top with new perspective to help shape a better path for others in the future.

In the past, I have run ERGs, spoken on panels about DEI, and because of my visible role writing and marketing, was asked to champion diversity as a female millennial and a public face at a former company. The tech space I work in is a huge adopter and supporter of diverse efforts. This led to my personal career mission to strive for a world that is connected, sustainable, and equal. With this background, I’m doing more writing, more public speaking, and even some consulting for organizations that are just starting to build their employee groups.

What does the word diversity mean to you?

I believe it is not only possible, but necessary for us to embrace people from all walks of life, both physical/tangible attributes such as race, gender, age; as well as intangible such as personality, function, belief systems, backgrounds. Diversity is our recognition of humanity in others and respecting them regardless of differences.

What have you noticed is missing from the DEI conversation today?

Some of our means of driving DEI practices just aren’t working or aren’t well received. As society, we need to discuss things we can do that won’t anger or incite. We need to understand the different challenges to the various forms of equality, what we can do differently, and how to reach an agreeable path to a better world.

What is one leadership book you love?

This was such a challenge to answer! In books, I am influenced by both nonfiction and even fictional works that elevate strong characters. But nothing is more impactful to how we lead than what we have experienced ourselves, both the positive and the negative. We’ve all encountered a manager who was a terrible leader that we hope to never be like. We all also have hopefully benefitted from an excellent leader or two that helped shape us for the best.

In closing, it is time for us all to work to shape a different world, and the aspirations for this book are so pure as we strive to do that. I can’t wait for the next call this week where we all share updates on what we’ve been working on this past month. The final book is slated for mid-April with a lot of great work and updates to come.

In Biblical times, Pharisees were leaders in synagogues, noted for strict observance of the minutia of rites and ceremonies and for insistence on the validity of traditions concerning written law. They strove to present an outward appearance of being perfect, but inwardly were just as sinful as everyone else.

Jesus portrays the Pharisees as impatient with outward, ritual observance of minutiae which made them look acceptable and virtuous outwardly but left the inner person unreformed. He preached against those who followed the letter of the law, but not the spirit of the law, meaning those who followed literal meanings, but not the intent behind them. This “holier than thou” approach and rejection of all things deemed in any way bad is an arrogance and hypocrisy He could not tolerate.

Jesus’ approach is full of both truth and grace, not one without the other. Yes, there are rules, but God is a relational being that sees the sinner and still loves him. The pharisaical approach that focuses only on rules and ritual is one which puts truth over grace and law over love. It is the approach that says, “I love others only if they do what is perfect and right,” instead of, “I’ll love others in spite of their mistakes.” I’ve personally seen it come out from people who say that they are “above such worldly things as logic and reason,” with their nose in the air. Yes, really.

God’s way: Love God. Love your neighbor. The rest falls in there somewhere.

Don’t get me wrong, rules exist for a reason. Some are even for good reason. Hear this though: Jesus never preached law over love. It was a balance. Truth filled with grace.
The Pharisees couldn’t handle that; they thought they were better than Him because of their strict adherence to law. Sadly, not much has changed with how people treat others, and to make matters worse, people are still using religion to back their animosity and coldheartedness – using Jesus, yet leaving Him mostly out of it.

Likely you’ve encountered someone like this in your life. Maybe you are someone like this to others and need a little truth and grace yourself.

Are you an over disciplinarian as a parent or teacher, unable to see the beauty and joy in childhood antics? Are you unyielding and unforgiving toward your family members? Are you a business leader who can only see policy, and never people? Someone with their nose so deep in the Bible or a rulebook that you’ve forgotten to look up and show love to anyone around you? You are who Jesus was preaching against: you are the new Pharisees.

Remember, Pharisees planned to destroy Jesus for showing love, for being love. And unfortunately, they’re still here today. Jesus taught us that the only law was love; it’s time we stopped crucifying people for it.

Isn’t it funny how common misinterpretations of Biblical or historical events are repeated so frequently that we take them as a matter of fact?

I’ve had one such realization recently pertaining to the stories of Joseph found throughout Genesis. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I spend no small amount of time in Genesis, examining every detail.

So it surprised me on a recent re-read to notice something I hadn’t before. Maybe I’m the only one who has been lectured this way, because I can’t find much support for this online, but I know that I’ve heard it said to me so many times that I just took it for granted as truth. What is frequently said to me in the context of my own life is: Joseph could find joy in prison for 12 years, you should be able to find joy in your situation.

Now, I’m not going to get into the issue of comparing trauma. We all know better (at least we should)…so maybe that’s why this statement has stuck with me, since I’ve heard it so often.

But here’s my realization, folks: that is not the way it happened.

To recap, in Genesis 37 we are introduced to Joseph’s dreams and his jealous brothers. Troubles escalate and they plan to kill him, but settle for selling him as a slave. In chapter 39, Joseph does the honorable thing by not sleeping with his master’s wife and is jailed for it anyway. All around, he has some reasons to be angry at his circumstances! In fact, the end of chapter 39 kind of makes me chuckle with the account of how Joseph was treated in prison:

“21But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. 22And the keeper of the prison put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners who were in the prison. Whatever was done there, he was the one who did it. 23The keeper of the prison paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph’s charge, because the Lord was with him. And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.”

You may not find this as amusing as I do, but there’s a big part of me that wants to question this definition of success! I wonder if Joseph truly felt like he was succeeding in whatever he did. There is no mention of Joseph’s feelings about the situation and these victories feel awfully small compared to being fully vindicated. The Bible does not report the anger many of us might feel, but it also doesn’t report the joy that so many people have preached. We do see faithfulness, which certainly counts for a great deal. Joseph was able to glorify God regardless of his circumstances, but bear with me as we continue to my discovery of Joseph’s emotional fortitude.

Continuing with our recap, in chapter 40, he interprets other prisoner’s dreams, which I have to imagine feels a little risky considering how his brothers responded to dream interpretation. It takes a while for this to manifest into anything, because he’s quickly forgotten when his interpretations prove accurate, but finally in chapter 41, he gets a lucky break when he interprets Pharaoh’s dreams. Amazingly, Pharaoh believes him and grants him wealth and power and a wife and all sorts of great things. This feels like a rebound, only we still seem to simply get quiet acceptance on Joseph’s part. Maybe after everything he’s gone through, it seems too good to be true; maybe he’s waiting for the next catastrophe. Up until this point, Joseph almost feels stoic – he’s doing what is good and right, he’s using his gifts for God’s glory, because that’s what he knows he should do. But where’s the joy?

What happens at the end of chapter 41 absolutely took my breath away when I caught it.

In just a few short chapters, we’ve had about 13 years in slavery or prison with no real display of emotion. Life circumstances change dramatically, and still no display of emotion. Then the 7 years of plenty transpire and we are approaching the start of the famine. For whatever reason, that is the year Joseph starts having children, which many of us might see as strange family planning considering he knows what lies ahead, but he trusts in God. Two children actually were born that year, and to me that may indicate a set of twins, which do run in families, and we know his father was also a twin. In the blip away from Joseph’s story in chapter 38, we also find his brother Judah producing twins.

The first child is born, and listen to this. “51Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. ‘For,’ he said, ‘God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s house.'”

Finally we get a glimpse into how he felt about the mistreatment he experienced! We can almost imagine the scene in front of us: a man whose life has been marked by tragedy, he’s been given money, power, even the first committed relationship that seems healthy enough for him to produce children, and yet it isn’t enough. But here he is, looking at the most beautiful thing he can imagine, and THAT has made all of it worth it, so much so that he chose to name his son after that awesome feeling of love and joy.

Here we get a glimpse at what he has likely struggled with for years: the “why” of it all. His life has been bitter, his relationships strained. I imagine it’s been difficult to build trust. This moment is the peak of his happiness after at least two decades of climbing through dark and rocky terrain.

It isn’t just that he will be able to forget. We can move past horrors, but they are never fully forgotten. This means much more.

As we know from recent psychological studies, abuse tends to continue in the family lineage. Instead of learning from what is experienced, as adults, people resort back to what they know, the way they were raised, the things that they experienced. I’m sure they worry what type of parent they will turn out to be. Abuse perpetuates. Often the abused doesn’t see themselves as being worthy of love, and so they have none to give, to themselves or anyone else. They’ve never been shown how.

In this passage, we see more than Joseph choosing to “forgive and forget.” This feels like a promise to his son. “I will do better. I will do differently. I will choose love. I now choose joy.” Not only has he found something worthy of his love, he is going to make sure he is worthy of the love he hopes to receive from his child, to do better than his own family did.

I read this passage, and I sobbed.

I thought of my own sweet children who have faced immense challenges, dark days, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of their father, with none of it looking to change anytime soon. My mission in life is to raise them to be better fathers and husbands than the examples they’ve been given. Often I worry that it won’t be enough. This passage was illuminating, not that we will ever know the reasons why they are forced to endure, but because I can believe, based on the example of Joseph, that one day their eyes will light on something wonderful and they will say, “For you, I promise to fully love you and change what I need to so that I can receive love in return.”

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. Naturally, I have some thoughts about this, but I promise it isn’t a pity-seeking tale while I attempt to drag you into the pits of my despair. Because this isn’t for him; it is for the shocking number of people who have approached me since then who have said that they struggle with suicidal thoughts and depression.

Here’s the one thing I know to be true of any form of prevention: it only really works when you’ve performed some sort of maintenance along the way. If you have the oil changed in your car regularly, it’s easier to keep engine problems from happening. Regular screenings with your doctor and maintaining a healthy diet and exercise regimen will prolong your health. Whatever you’re trying to prevent, it requires checking in on along the way.

People are like that. They need to be checked in on. The only problem is that we get too busy or we think they are fine. I never knew my husband was struggling; I never thought I needed to check in on something that seemed “not perfect, but still fine.” Relationships need to be maintained regularly to prevent catastrophic issues that catch you unprepared, like suicide.

In the aftermath, we always think how easy it is to ask compared to finding out too late. It’s not easy. Imagine looking at your spouse or your best friend and asking them about suicide. Would you be ready to handle any response they gave you with the wisdom it would require to not just freak the hell out? That isn’t easy.

Every time we watched A Million Little Things, I could have looked at him and asked, “Hey, do you ever feel like that?” No, I had no way of knowing I needed to. The point is, we need to start asking anyway.

Everyone is posting today pushing you to ask your friends how they are. Here’s the reality: a person struggling this much might not give you an honest answer. All these well-meaning posts say to make a safe place for people to say they need help. Trust me, that isn’t enough.

Mental health was a constant topic in my house. Talking about feelings was quite normal, always safe between us. Depression was not something I had ever considered he might have, because there was ample opportunity for him to have brought it up during our conversations. Except, I never asked.

The first point I want to make is that you will never know when to ask. Ask anyway. The majority of the people who have approached me and shared their struggles are people you would never have guessed.

The second point is, the canned statements are not going to get through to them. All of these slogans are thoughts they mentally battle constantly. No, they don’t feel they can say they need help. No, they don’t feel they have someone to call. No, they don’t feel wanted. Those are just words to them when they need to feel it through acts of love.

One conversation my husband and I had made time for a couple times is that everyone, if they are honest with themselves, has considered this at some point or another.

Maybe they haven’t reached the point of believing their life has no meaning or that no one cares. But most people have thought about the things they hold most dear in their lives and whether they could handle losing them. Most have asked themselves how great a tragedy they could bear. Most have silently wondered how much pain they could face before begging for it to end.

Those are the things we need to be asking each other.

Ask your friends what would be worth giving their life over if they lost it. Ask them if they could lose all their loved ones, their job and livelihood, their reputation, and still be able to rise the next day. Ask them what would cause them to reach their breaking point.

We all have a limit. Instead of asking a loaded question that may not even get an honest answer, ask each other about these values and limitations. And then, meet your friends with a message of hope, grace, and promise that you would be there if that day ever came. Then, do it again. Ask them in a month how things are going on those topics they hold so dear to their hearts. Maintain the friendship; maintain each other. That is what prevention looks like.

So I’ll ask you – what is your breaking point? In the spirit of opening doors, I’ll be back next week to say what mine is.

There is a ghost in my kitchen and I can’t ask it to go.

I loved him but, angry, chose not to tell him so.

He left and I cried, and hoped he could see

That the thought of life without him was killing me.

He showed no emotion, but it was killing him, too.

His life ended that day; it was only then that I knew.

His grief and mine were two parts to a whole.

Both feeding each other, too afraid to let it show.

Now I can’t face the kitchen and the memory of that day.

Is the ghost his last farewell or the words I didn’t say?

Empty room

There is a ghost in my kitchen and I can’t ask it to go.

I loved him but, angry, chose not to tell him so.

He left and I cried, and hoped he could see

That the thought of life without him was killing me.

He showed no emotion, but it was killing him too.

His life ended that day; it was only then that I knew.

His grief and mine were two parts to a whole.

Both feeding each other, too afraid to let it show.

Now I can’t face the kitchen and the memory of that day.

Is the ghost his last farewell or the words I didn’t say?

Reviewed By Tracy Young for Readers’ Favorite

In Summer 20XX: Rewriting the Rules of Summer by M. Reali-Elliott, Melissa is a working mother. Her three boys all have different personalities and needs. Leaving behind the career she has spent a decade perfecting, she is looking forward to dedicating her summer to filling her boys’ lives with experiences and memories they will treasure forever. Of course, she still must work and must make these plans around her work schedule. Her husband is another factor to consider and his rigid plans for his summer with his sons often make it difficult for Melissa to make plans. Summer 20XX by M. Reali-Elliott is the tale of one summer and how the rules we live by can also be changed with experience. Set in Florida during a particularly wet summer, Melissa also must contend with a wedding to plan, how to fit 6 people into a New York hotel room, and a teenage step-daughter from hell! There may only be 81 days in her summer, but every single one has its own challenges. The highs and lows of her experiences will resonate with everybody who has had the pleasure of looking after children, both as a parent and a step-parent.

This is a perfect summer read that is beautifully written by M. Reali-Elliott and is brutally honest. The rules of summer are delightful and will strike a chord with everyone who loves summer days and the pleasures they bring. Summer 20XX is a snapshot into the modern lives of two people who have come together with all their ensuing baggage. Ex-partners and caring for children who are not biologically yours are not easy parts of anybody’s life; we are not all Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin after all! Work and life must somehow come together to create memories for the children while also teaching them how to cope with the times when things go wrong. Melissa is a prime example of a modern parent who can’t always get it right, but I loved her even more because of it.

This is a difficult post to write, but has been a long time coming. Before Don’s passing, I debated pulling the book from online store shelves based on a negative review and I had promised the reviewer that I planned to address her feedback. Not wanting to sell something sub-par, I knew there was work to do, but I thought I could update one chapter at a time and upload new versions so that I didn’t need to pull it completely.

One of her criticisms was that I was too hard on the rest of my family as I attempted to shift their worldview. If you’ve read many of my other posts, you’ll know that a major theme is finding joy in the midst of challenging life situations. Getting my family to find joy was a major ordeal and there were a lot of fights and negative situations detailed in the book that I was going to have to re-examine.

Now, I know just how bad things really were. While the book had a happy ending, the rest of our year, I was still continuously reminding my husband to “choose to smile” instead of getting frustrated. We fought over the way he constantly looked down on my children for their childish ways and the way he talked to them. I didn’t understand some of his anger and annoyance or why his desires took drastic approaches to isolation and involvement with no regularity.

I now know that he was depressed and bottling it up, with no way to communicate to me what he was feeling. I posted shortly after his suicide and the post spread very far, but I realized quickly that I could not force myself to relive those fights now that I know how much I failed to get him to adopt our same joyful outlook.

Before I could pull it, sales started to creep up. I’m saddened by this. My blog post might have been decent writing, but the book needed more work, and at the same time, I have no desire to make money off the aftermath of my husband’s death. The thought makes me feel dizzy and sick.

I do still intend to re-publish it, after I have been able to look at it again. I can’t promise when that will be. More than ever, I think the message of finding joy is a story that needs to be told. Because it is abundantly clear what happens when you can’t find a way.

I wish joy to each and every one of you and pray that I return to finding my own soon as well.

We’ve all heard the phrase “Life is short.” It’s used to justify our decisions to do activities we never thought we had the courage to do or to take more vacations while we have the time. We use the phrase to motivate ourselves to focus on happiness and to clear the air between our damaged relationships.

A few weeks ago, my eldest son made a comment about how there were days he wished he could be with God already. He’s ten.

Some might say he is too young to make a statement like that, but he has always shown wisdom beyond his years and has a wonderful ability to talk openly with me to understand these thoughts and feelings more. I told him that I understood how he felt and that there were many days I felt like that too. I noted how concerned anyone else might be if they overheard this conversation, but that I knew the feeling behind what he said and that he wasn’t considering this from a negative or morbid stance.

I asked that he consider how much life he really had ahead of him, using my age as a comparison. I am in my thirties and, unless something tragic happens outside of my control, will likely live into my nineties. I am only one-third of my way through life and facing another sixty years actually feels like an eternity.

We say life is short and use it to justify how we treat others. We don’t want our life cluttered with their mistakes. I have been so guilty of this. I focused on the 1% of the times my husband was unmistakably wrong more than the 99% of the times he was wonderful to me or my children. I made mountains out of molehills, thinking my life and those of my children shouldn’t be wasted in dealing with that 1%.

When we say that life is short, we are trying to justify putting our lives before something we don’t want to face or before someone else’s life. It is so selfish.

We may be a small speck on the continuum of time, but life is so much bigger than we give it credit for. If our years are but a speck, what about those small moments that frustrate us? Those 1% issues, compared to the 99% love? They are NOTHING across all of time and history. Why do we act like the way they impacted us has meant everything, when they are so minor in the grand scheme of things? Out of pride, arrogance, selfishness, we forget our place.

My husband recently cut his own life short. The 1% got to be too big for him.

There’s more to it than that. There always is. But so many 1 percents add up and seem like all that you are left with.

His life may have been shortened, but in reality, 51 years was quite long. It was enough time to fight the 1% if he had only felt like he could. But at the end, his life just was too big to be felt all at once.

There’s so much I won’t understand. We like to say life is short and that we should spend it on the things we enjoy. Why did he spend his last days watching Breaking Bad episodes instead of anything truly significant? Why not show some emotion, any emotion?

If I could ask anything of those I know, please, stop thinking life is short and must be filled with amazing experiences while the bad get downplayed or ignored until they become insurmountable. Life is so big; it’s SO big. Much more than individual moments. Spend it on love, that is one thing there is too little of. I wish I had told him one more time, but that 1% issue had me so selfishly mad that I wanted him to make the effort and I didn’t chase after him to tell him, even though my heart said I should. It may not have made a difference by that point, but it wouldn’t have hurt to try. And for someone else, maybe it could. This large life you have been blessed with, make it so full of forgiveness and grace and kindness and faith and especially, love. Maybe you will bless someone else to see that they can make it through those struggles because the 99% is huge and it is worth it.