Sadie Beckenridge's Blog
December 23, 2021
Book Release
My 3rd Book-Brian: The son has just been released for purchase on most sites in ebook and paperback format.
November 5, 2021
October 29, 2021
Brian: The Son
My manuscript is complete and it has been sent off to Archway Publishing. Awaiting the process to be complete so that it will be available to the public. This is the 3rd and final book of the series.
Television Interview
Update: my interview will be on Nov 4th, 2021 on WWCP ABC23(Around the Alleghenies-All About Town.) at 12:30 in the afternoon right after storage wars.
It will also be on FOX 8 on Nov 4th, 2021 after the evening 10 pm news. (However, times vary due to a football game)
It will also be on FOX 8 on Nov 4th, 2021 after the evening 10 pm news. (However, times vary due to a football game)
January 16, 2021
Amber: Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
In April of 1983 Amber had just turned ten years old. She had been having very bad nightmares. Amber and Kelly had shared an L-shaped bunk bed and on occasion, Amber would fall out of the bed landing on her sister.
One night she had been dreaming of falling down into a very deep, dark pit and could not find her way out. As she reached for the side of the pit, the roots had turned into snakes of all kinds. She began to scream and let go of the snakes. She fell deeper and deeper. All of a sudden, she felt someone grab her arm, stopping her fall into the black unknown. The person who saved her was her great-grandma Clarabelle. Amber awoke shaken by the dream. She saw a shimmering light come across her body. She knew at once Clarabelle was dead, coming to save her in that horrible dream. Amber was enveloped in an overwhelming feeling of loss and fear, crying out that great-grandma had died. The phone rang at that very moment, confirming her premonition.
This was the first death, viewing, and funeral that Amber had ever experienced. Some people thought that she was too young and should not attend. Her relatives, however, had no problems with her attending, as this was the cycle of life.
Amber was frightened and curious at the same time. The funeral home was one of the oldest in town. Generations of families had used their services over the years. Amber was told it was a common practice to wear black but did not understand why. Since she was a child, she did not own any black clothing and was permitted to wear a dark blue dress.
As the family entered the funeral home, Amber held her mother’s hand tightly and stayed very close to her brother and sister. The funeral home appeared to be very large, with many rooms. Amber hoped she would not get lost. She was led to the coat closet and was told where the bathroom was. As she looked around in the entryway, she was not sure where Clarabelle was. Her mother pointed her in the direction of numerous chairs and an open pink casket. Amber could not see anything in the casket from where they were standing. She was not sure she wanted to go any closer, having never seen a dead body and not knowing what to expect. She forgot about her fears for a while as she began to wonder how many other dead people were in the other rooms. How and what did they do with the dead bodies before the families arrived? Where were the caskets for sale displayed?
She began to roam around and was stopped by one of the assistant funeral directors. He explained to her, “The rest of the funeral home is off-limits out of respect for the other families. I can, however, show you and your siblings the casket room and answer any questions you may have.”
The children had many questions… How many colors do these come in? What shapes and sizes are there? What are they made of? Why the ruffles and what is the white cloth hiding? Do they lock? Can the bodies fall out? What happens to them once they are in the ground? How much do they cost? The assistant was very kind and answered all of their questions. Amber was still unsure why people wore black. He told her, “It is simply out of respect because people are in mourning and missing the loved ones that are no longer with us.” He helped keep the children occupied while the droves of people arrived and waited for services to begin.
After the viewing and funeral services ended, Clarabelle was taken to her final resting place. Morgan had instructed her children, “Wait here in the car until the burial is complete because this may be too traumatic for you. It will be easier to come back later when all these people have left, and the graveyard looks normal again. We can also look for other relative’s tombstones and retell stories they have told us before they passed.” After Morgan closed the door and left, Amber looked out the window. She was startled to see a tractor sitting on top of the hill. She knew exactly what its job was and what it was waiting for. She did not want her last memory to be of them lowering her great-grandmother into the hole and covering her casket with dirt.
The death of Clarabelle had an impact on many people far and wide. There was a sea of black clothing in Harold’s home as family members and friends gathered after services for a meal. Once again, Amber started to feel very uncomfortable and claustrophobic.
As she entered the room, she saw a smiling familiar face, if only for a second. Clarabelle was sitting in Harold’s favorite seat! Not many people would understand that Clarabelle appeared to be joyful of the outcome. She had previously told her family members, “I am ready to go home to be with God. My body has been failing me for a while. It is just a matter of time and I know it! I have made my peace with all the bad in this family. I understand the need to grieve my passing, but I do not want to be the reason you stop living your lives to the fullest.”
The viewing, funeral, and family gathering afterward took the entire day. Morgan and the children were exhausted by the time they returned home. Amber was to read a current event in front of her class when school resumed. As a tribute to Clarabelle, Amber chose her grandma’s obituary for the assignment.
In April of 1983 Amber had just turned ten years old. She had been having very bad nightmares. Amber and Kelly had shared an L-shaped bunk bed and on occasion, Amber would fall out of the bed landing on her sister.
One night she had been dreaming of falling down into a very deep, dark pit and could not find her way out. As she reached for the side of the pit, the roots had turned into snakes of all kinds. She began to scream and let go of the snakes. She fell deeper and deeper. All of a sudden, she felt someone grab her arm, stopping her fall into the black unknown. The person who saved her was her great-grandma Clarabelle. Amber awoke shaken by the dream. She saw a shimmering light come across her body. She knew at once Clarabelle was dead, coming to save her in that horrible dream. Amber was enveloped in an overwhelming feeling of loss and fear, crying out that great-grandma had died. The phone rang at that very moment, confirming her premonition.
This was the first death, viewing, and funeral that Amber had ever experienced. Some people thought that she was too young and should not attend. Her relatives, however, had no problems with her attending, as this was the cycle of life.
Amber was frightened and curious at the same time. The funeral home was one of the oldest in town. Generations of families had used their services over the years. Amber was told it was a common practice to wear black but did not understand why. Since she was a child, she did not own any black clothing and was permitted to wear a dark blue dress.
As the family entered the funeral home, Amber held her mother’s hand tightly and stayed very close to her brother and sister. The funeral home appeared to be very large, with many rooms. Amber hoped she would not get lost. She was led to the coat closet and was told where the bathroom was. As she looked around in the entryway, she was not sure where Clarabelle was. Her mother pointed her in the direction of numerous chairs and an open pink casket. Amber could not see anything in the casket from where they were standing. She was not sure she wanted to go any closer, having never seen a dead body and not knowing what to expect. She forgot about her fears for a while as she began to wonder how many other dead people were in the other rooms. How and what did they do with the dead bodies before the families arrived? Where were the caskets for sale displayed?
She began to roam around and was stopped by one of the assistant funeral directors. He explained to her, “The rest of the funeral home is off-limits out of respect for the other families. I can, however, show you and your siblings the casket room and answer any questions you may have.”
The children had many questions… How many colors do these come in? What shapes and sizes are there? What are they made of? Why the ruffles and what is the white cloth hiding? Do they lock? Can the bodies fall out? What happens to them once they are in the ground? How much do they cost? The assistant was very kind and answered all of their questions. Amber was still unsure why people wore black. He told her, “It is simply out of respect because people are in mourning and missing the loved ones that are no longer with us.” He helped keep the children occupied while the droves of people arrived and waited for services to begin.
After the viewing and funeral services ended, Clarabelle was taken to her final resting place. Morgan had instructed her children, “Wait here in the car until the burial is complete because this may be too traumatic for you. It will be easier to come back later when all these people have left, and the graveyard looks normal again. We can also look for other relative’s tombstones and retell stories they have told us before they passed.” After Morgan closed the door and left, Amber looked out the window. She was startled to see a tractor sitting on top of the hill. She knew exactly what its job was and what it was waiting for. She did not want her last memory to be of them lowering her great-grandmother into the hole and covering her casket with dirt.
The death of Clarabelle had an impact on many people far and wide. There was a sea of black clothing in Harold’s home as family members and friends gathered after services for a meal. Once again, Amber started to feel very uncomfortable and claustrophobic.
As she entered the room, she saw a smiling familiar face, if only for a second. Clarabelle was sitting in Harold’s favorite seat! Not many people would understand that Clarabelle appeared to be joyful of the outcome. She had previously told her family members, “I am ready to go home to be with God. My body has been failing me for a while. It is just a matter of time and I know it! I have made my peace with all the bad in this family. I understand the need to grieve my passing, but I do not want to be the reason you stop living your lives to the fullest.”
The viewing, funeral, and family gathering afterward took the entire day. Morgan and the children were exhausted by the time they returned home. Amber was to read a current event in front of her class when school resumed. As a tribute to Clarabelle, Amber chose her grandma’s obituary for the assignment.
Morgan: Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
Morgan was back to square one, although now with two small children. Her mother was thrilled to have them back home. Vicky would help raise the two children. She told Morgan how much fun it was to raise her and Richard when they were babies. That was the key thing, her mother loved children when they were young. It was too much for her when they became teenagers. Her father was also great with little children until they reached the age of puberty. When they were beginning to mature and become impressionable, he would use the skill of manipulation to molest them. Morgan knew this living arrangement had to be temporary for the safety of her children. Morgan would take the abuse from Harold if he did not abuse her children or let them know what was happening in the house. Her mother became blind to her daughter and husband’s relationship and interactions. Vicky had the grandchildren to fill the void, temporarily. Vicky was completely devoted to the grandchildren and thought that maybe she could start her life over with them. Richard was now fourteen and was helping to take care of his niece and nephew. He liked helping his older sister and the children were fun to play with. Richard learned a lot about babies and how to take care of them, he began to understand what parenting and raising a family should be about. Morgan began to look for work and somewhere else to live before all hell broke loose in the family again.
Harold decided that they could no longer afford to support a family of six instead of three because it was becoming too expensive. He gave Morgan some money for a place of her own and told her to leave. For the first time in her life, Morgan had no plan for what to do or where to go. She did not know where this road was going to take her.
The job Morgan had at the library gave her a steady paycheck. Although these earnings were not enough to take care of all the incoming bills or the babies. She decided she had to do something. One thing Morgan was certain of; men would pay good money to have sex with women. Especially young women who would not ask for any commitment or try to ruin their lives if they were married. She tried to push that idea out of her mind because she did not want to stoop that low. Morgan did not want to ask her father to help her out because it would mean she would have to do whatever he wanted. She began to date all different types of men. They would take her out and buy her things and give her money. Morgan managed to pay off her loans and began to stash away money for another rainy day to come. Somehow, she had become a prostitute and did not even realize it. All she knew was that she had to pay the bills and keep food on the table for the babies. This became very tiresome and she just wanted to settle down and live a somewhat normal life.
Morgan was back to square one, although now with two small children. Her mother was thrilled to have them back home. Vicky would help raise the two children. She told Morgan how much fun it was to raise her and Richard when they were babies. That was the key thing, her mother loved children when they were young. It was too much for her when they became teenagers. Her father was also great with little children until they reached the age of puberty. When they were beginning to mature and become impressionable, he would use the skill of manipulation to molest them. Morgan knew this living arrangement had to be temporary for the safety of her children. Morgan would take the abuse from Harold if he did not abuse her children or let them know what was happening in the house. Her mother became blind to her daughter and husband’s relationship and interactions. Vicky had the grandchildren to fill the void, temporarily. Vicky was completely devoted to the grandchildren and thought that maybe she could start her life over with them. Richard was now fourteen and was helping to take care of his niece and nephew. He liked helping his older sister and the children were fun to play with. Richard learned a lot about babies and how to take care of them, he began to understand what parenting and raising a family should be about. Morgan began to look for work and somewhere else to live before all hell broke loose in the family again.
Harold decided that they could no longer afford to support a family of six instead of three because it was becoming too expensive. He gave Morgan some money for a place of her own and told her to leave. For the first time in her life, Morgan had no plan for what to do or where to go. She did not know where this road was going to take her.
The job Morgan had at the library gave her a steady paycheck. Although these earnings were not enough to take care of all the incoming bills or the babies. She decided she had to do something. One thing Morgan was certain of; men would pay good money to have sex with women. Especially young women who would not ask for any commitment or try to ruin their lives if they were married. She tried to push that idea out of her mind because she did not want to stoop that low. Morgan did not want to ask her father to help her out because it would mean she would have to do whatever he wanted. She began to date all different types of men. They would take her out and buy her things and give her money. Morgan managed to pay off her loans and began to stash away money for another rainy day to come. Somehow, she had become a prostitute and did not even realize it. All she knew was that she had to pay the bills and keep food on the table for the babies. This became very tiresome and she just wanted to settle down and live a somewhat normal life.
July 27, 2020
Amber: Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
The transition period from one home to the next did not take them long. Clean slate! They had new neighbors and many more things to do. There was a swimming pool and a park within walking or bike riding distance. Once again, the children had their mother all to themselves when she was not working.
Money, however, became very tight and the kids had to adjust to a new lifestyle. Morgan had to come up with creative ways to support and nurture three children on her own. She reintroduced the children to her old friend Lisa. They also met her new friend, Nicole. “Aunt” Nicole was amazing; she took the kids places and spent lots of time with them.
The stigmatism of living in a trailer park rather than a house did not rear its ugly head until Amber had turned a few years older. To her, it was an embarrassment to live in a trailer park and having to wear her older sister’s hand-me-downs.
Horrible rumors that their mother was a prostitute had run rampant in the neighborhood. Morgan tried to hide these tales from her children. She told them, “I understand people are saying bad things about me that are not true. I want you to know I am borrowing money from my girlfriends and working extra hours to make ends meet. I do have some male friends who like to come over for a visit, and you have met a few of them.” The prostitution rumors ended as quickly as they had started.
One late afternoon, the children had come home early from spending the day with Nicole when they discovered their mother had a friend over and was “getting busy” in the bedroom. Amber and Brian, aware of what was going on, decided to play a trick on their mother. They used a yardstick to nab her undergarments. Once in their possession, they stuck her panties in the freezer and her new bra on the flag pole in the yard.
Knowing they were going to be in big trouble, Amber took off as soon as Morgan started yelling. She could hear her brother laughing in the distance, as he told their mother she needed to cool off and go find her unmentionables. Morgan was very embarrassed to find her new bra on the flag-pole. She later laughed about the panties in the freezer.
Morgan sent Brian to find his sister. He knew she would be at the babysitter’s house because that is where she always went when no one could find her. Upon returning home, these two children were punished with a week of no television. Their mother had also learned a lesson that day: her kids were thicker than thieves. They had one another’s back and took care of each other. This made her very proud.
Amber had become close friends with the children who lived in the trailer next to them. She spent most of her summer involved in their lives. She played family night games, attended sleepovers, birthday parties, and went to Sunday school with them. It was very hard for her and surprising when the boy, Barry turned on her and bullied her every day after school for a year. He would verbally pick on her, pull her hair, and push her down until she cried. Amber quickly learned to avoid his bullying by pretending to cry and running all the way home. Finally, she got tired of the bullying and told her brother about Barry’s actions. Brian took care of things and the bullying stopped. Brian told his sister, “I think Barry is both frightened and attracted to me. I also believe he is very confused about the possibility of being gay.” Amber felt bewildered, why was Barry lashing out at her? She was, after all, his best friend, he should have felt safe talking about any subject with her. Their friendship was never the same from that day forward.
Living in this older trailer sometimes frightened Amber and her siblings. The trailer had a very long, dark, hallway that connected one end of the trailer to the other. The light switch for this hallway was located at the halfway point. To illuminate this hall, the kitchen light would need to be turned on or one of the lights left on in the bedrooms before it got dark. Many times, Amber would run down the hall to turn the light on before continuing to the bathroom or her bedroom. Frequently, the light bulb would burn out, leaving them with no light. This older trailer had some history. Amber heard speculations that someone may have previously died in the trailer or on the lot they rented.
In the spring, Amber developed a seasonal infection. Morgan took her to the doctors and got her some antibiotics. During the evening hours, Amber felt so poorly she went to sleep with her mother. During the night, Amber suddenly awoke with a very high fever. Looking out the bedroom door into the long hallway, she saw something. After sitting up and wiping her eyes, she saw a woman in a white cap and two gentlemen dressed in old-fashioned clothing standing at the door. She knew this could not be possible. Was she seeing things because of the fever? She did not feel scared. Instead, she felt protected and went back to sleep. The next morning, she told her mother what she had seen. Maybe they were spirits watching over her.
By this point in their lives, Morgan had three ex-husbands and was starting to date again. She had recently met a man named William. He came around the house often, as the weeks quickly turned into months. The children knew their mother was getting serious about this man who would soon become her fiancé.
William moved into the trailer right after he proposed. They really liked William. His disposition was that of an older child. He was carefree in nature and liked the outdoors. One day, Amber stayed home from school because she was sick. Her mother had to go to work and figured it was safe to leave her with William.
He had been taking a shower and left the bathroom door wide open. Amber went down the hall, not realizing he was in the shower. The shower had a frosted glass sliding door, giving her a very good look at this naked man. Feeling uncomfortable, she returned to the living room and lay down on the sofa. William came out all dressed. Amber had the feeling he had known she had seen him. Amber got a weird, uneasy feeling about him.
Morgan came home shortly after to check in on her daughter. They decided to take Amber to his parents’ house since William had to go to work.
It took a few days for Amber to recover from her sickness. That odd feeling she experienced with William never came back again. The children were starting to get comfortable with William living in the trailer. They were looking forward to him becoming their stepdad. Without any kind of warning, Morgan decided to end the relationship. Once again, Nicole stepped in to help pick up the pieces.
One afternoon, the children came home from school to find a man taking measurements in the kitchen. Their mother had decided the trailer required a makeover. She found a handyman named Edward for the remodeling. It took him a few months to complete the job. Amber felt there was something more to this bizarre relationship than her mother let on. He was in and out of their lives in a flash.
The transition period from one home to the next did not take them long. Clean slate! They had new neighbors and many more things to do. There was a swimming pool and a park within walking or bike riding distance. Once again, the children had their mother all to themselves when she was not working.
Money, however, became very tight and the kids had to adjust to a new lifestyle. Morgan had to come up with creative ways to support and nurture three children on her own. She reintroduced the children to her old friend Lisa. They also met her new friend, Nicole. “Aunt” Nicole was amazing; she took the kids places and spent lots of time with them.
The stigmatism of living in a trailer park rather than a house did not rear its ugly head until Amber had turned a few years older. To her, it was an embarrassment to live in a trailer park and having to wear her older sister’s hand-me-downs.
Horrible rumors that their mother was a prostitute had run rampant in the neighborhood. Morgan tried to hide these tales from her children. She told them, “I understand people are saying bad things about me that are not true. I want you to know I am borrowing money from my girlfriends and working extra hours to make ends meet. I do have some male friends who like to come over for a visit, and you have met a few of them.” The prostitution rumors ended as quickly as they had started.
One late afternoon, the children had come home early from spending the day with Nicole when they discovered their mother had a friend over and was “getting busy” in the bedroom. Amber and Brian, aware of what was going on, decided to play a trick on their mother. They used a yardstick to nab her undergarments. Once in their possession, they stuck her panties in the freezer and her new bra on the flag pole in the yard.
Knowing they were going to be in big trouble, Amber took off as soon as Morgan started yelling. She could hear her brother laughing in the distance, as he told their mother she needed to cool off and go find her unmentionables. Morgan was very embarrassed to find her new bra on the flag-pole. She later laughed about the panties in the freezer.
Morgan sent Brian to find his sister. He knew she would be at the babysitter’s house because that is where she always went when no one could find her. Upon returning home, these two children were punished with a week of no television. Their mother had also learned a lesson that day: her kids were thicker than thieves. They had one another’s back and took care of each other. This made her very proud.
Amber had become close friends with the children who lived in the trailer next to them. She spent most of her summer involved in their lives. She played family night games, attended sleepovers, birthday parties, and went to Sunday school with them. It was very hard for her and surprising when the boy, Barry turned on her and bullied her every day after school for a year. He would verbally pick on her, pull her hair, and push her down until she cried. Amber quickly learned to avoid his bullying by pretending to cry and running all the way home. Finally, she got tired of the bullying and told her brother about Barry’s actions. Brian took care of things and the bullying stopped. Brian told his sister, “I think Barry is both frightened and attracted to me. I also believe he is very confused about the possibility of being gay.” Amber felt bewildered, why was Barry lashing out at her? She was, after all, his best friend, he should have felt safe talking about any subject with her. Their friendship was never the same from that day forward.
Living in this older trailer sometimes frightened Amber and her siblings. The trailer had a very long, dark, hallway that connected one end of the trailer to the other. The light switch for this hallway was located at the halfway point. To illuminate this hall, the kitchen light would need to be turned on or one of the lights left on in the bedrooms before it got dark. Many times, Amber would run down the hall to turn the light on before continuing to the bathroom or her bedroom. Frequently, the light bulb would burn out, leaving them with no light. This older trailer had some history. Amber heard speculations that someone may have previously died in the trailer or on the lot they rented.
In the spring, Amber developed a seasonal infection. Morgan took her to the doctors and got her some antibiotics. During the evening hours, Amber felt so poorly she went to sleep with her mother. During the night, Amber suddenly awoke with a very high fever. Looking out the bedroom door into the long hallway, she saw something. After sitting up and wiping her eyes, she saw a woman in a white cap and two gentlemen dressed in old-fashioned clothing standing at the door. She knew this could not be possible. Was she seeing things because of the fever? She did not feel scared. Instead, she felt protected and went back to sleep. The next morning, she told her mother what she had seen. Maybe they were spirits watching over her.
By this point in their lives, Morgan had three ex-husbands and was starting to date again. She had recently met a man named William. He came around the house often, as the weeks quickly turned into months. The children knew their mother was getting serious about this man who would soon become her fiancé.
William moved into the trailer right after he proposed. They really liked William. His disposition was that of an older child. He was carefree in nature and liked the outdoors. One day, Amber stayed home from school because she was sick. Her mother had to go to work and figured it was safe to leave her with William.
He had been taking a shower and left the bathroom door wide open. Amber went down the hall, not realizing he was in the shower. The shower had a frosted glass sliding door, giving her a very good look at this naked man. Feeling uncomfortable, she returned to the living room and lay down on the sofa. William came out all dressed. Amber had the feeling he had known she had seen him. Amber got a weird, uneasy feeling about him.
Morgan came home shortly after to check in on her daughter. They decided to take Amber to his parents’ house since William had to go to work.
It took a few days for Amber to recover from her sickness. That odd feeling she experienced with William never came back again. The children were starting to get comfortable with William living in the trailer. They were looking forward to him becoming their stepdad. Without any kind of warning, Morgan decided to end the relationship. Once again, Nicole stepped in to help pick up the pieces.
One afternoon, the children came home from school to find a man taking measurements in the kitchen. Their mother had decided the trailer required a makeover. She found a handyman named Edward for the remodeling. It took him a few months to complete the job. Amber felt there was something more to this bizarre relationship than her mother let on. He was in and out of their lives in a flash.
Morgan: Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3
Morgan had met a boy named Adam in school and hoped he would be the one to get her pregnant and marry her. Adam came from a small family and was not well known by people in her town like her family was. His family grew up on a farm. They learned to love and depend on one another, encourage each other, and be very supportive of each other’s hopes and dreams. Morgan wanted this kind of family for herself and the children she hoped to have. Adam was a handsome, intelligent man. He had a very nice build, great tan, with sandy blond hair the color of wheat. He had deep brown eyes; ones that you knew would tell you the truth. Adam’s eyes told her he loved her from the moment she looked into them.
In March of 1966, Morgan did get pregnant and knew at once. Adam had told her that night after having sex he knew he had gotten her pregnant. He was correct; she missed her period one week later. They both were very happy. Adam had fallen in love with her and when he had learned about her situation at home, he wanted to help get her out of there and knew this was the only way. They kept it a secret from both families until after spring had ended. This way she would be too far along for them to do anything about it. Morgan’s family would have made her get an abortion. They did not need any more brats running around. Adam and Morgan found more and more ways to be together and began to make plans for their marriage.
During the summer months, Morgan’s family stayed at the lake and did not come home until August. Morgan did not tell her father she was pregnant until fall because she knew he would insist on her getting the abortion. When she did tell him about the pregnancy, she tried to explain that they had fallen in love and were having sex for months. Harold became outraged and called her a slut. Her father demanded Morgan and Adam get married immediately, so she would not shame her family.
Later that night Harold approached Vicky with great apprehension. He knew he had to tell her Morgan was pregnant. Vicky was in the kitchen getting the dinner ready to set on the table for them. As Vicky placed the roast in the center of the table, she knew Harold had something to say. As she looked at her husband she could tell this was very painstaking for him. Vicky wanted to know what was wrong. Harold began very calmly to tell her about their daughter’s condition. Before he could get out the words, she called Morgan to the table. Morgan looked at her father with betrayal. Her mother knew this look well and asked them what they were keeping from her. Harold took a deep breath, and looking down at the table, told Vicky that Morgan was pregnant. Vicky went into a rage. She grabbed the plates from the table and threw them at Morgan, missing her head by a few inches. She then grabbed Morgan, dragging her to her room, and shoved her on the bed. Vicky began to pack Morgan’s things in a suitcase and told her she was going to live with her grandmother. Morgan began to cry and told her mother that she could not disgrace her grandmother that way. Vicky told her to call the boy who was responsible and have his family take her in because she was no longer welcomed in her home.
Morgan called Adam, nonetheless, he could not take her to his family’s home until they were married. Morgan began to cry and begged her mom to let her stay. Vicky grabbed the phone from her and called Clarabelle. Harold came into the room and told Vicky to go into the other room while he talked to his daughter. Harold told her that she had to do as her mother asked; he picked up her suitcase and took it to the car. A few minutes later, Morgan came down the stairs and out the door, looking back at the house she had grown up in.
Morgan went to live with her grandmother, knowing she would not yell at her and would understand accidents happened, even though this was no accident. Morgan started her junior year four months pregnant and still not married. She was very worried about what would happen to her if she would have to move back home. Morgan’s parents had gotten into a fight with Clarabelle and had told her to stay out of their business. By law, Morgan was not allowed to leave home until she was twenty-one and could not marry without their permission. Her grandmother knew they were right and had to let her move back home with some conditions. One: that she was able to spend weekends with her, Two: Morgan would go to church every Sunday with her, and Three: Vicky and Harold would pay and sign for her to marry Adam. Her parents agreed to these terms. They felt it would be good for Morgan to go to church and to be married. This way she would be out of their hair and maybe God could help her with her problems. Harold and Vicky believed they were not the cause of their daughter’s problems.
Adam’s family was very excited and supportive of them and they decided to help with the wedding plans. His parents had told them both that they had wished they had gotten married first before she had gotten pregnant and Morgan had finished high school. His parents were understanding and realized how accidents could happen. Neither Morgan nor Adam decided to tell his parents it was a planned pregnancy or the reason behind it. It was better off if no one knew the truth. Adam was graduating that year from high school and as soon as he did he knew he would have to get a job. He had a job all set up; he would be a truck driver. This would support his family. Adam also knew that he would be on the road most of the time, and not be home much to help with the household chores or the upbringing of the children. Adam and Morgan married that August in the family church Clarabelle belongs to. Morgan was five months pregnant and was not showing. Morgan hid it from the people who did not know she was pregnant. Their wedding was very simple, and everyone was happy for the young couple.
Morgan did try to finish her junior year of high school. Once she began to show the school expelled her. It was common to get married at a young age and be a drop-out because of pregnancy. The school had to set an example for the other students that pregnancy would not be tolerated. Morgan would be allowed to return to school after she had the baby. Returning to school would be difficult for Morgan because she could not handle being a mother and a student at the same time.
Morgan gave birth to a baby girl in December and named her Kelly. She was a small baby at six pounds and nineteen inches long. Morgan and Adam now had a house and family of their own. Morgan visited her grandmother often with her daughter. Morgan was happy for many years. However, times were getting tough having to raise a little baby practically on her own since her husband was away out of state on most jobs. Morgan never knew when Adam would be home or on the road until the job ended and a new assignment was given.
After delivery of Kelly, Morgan went on birth control pills. Birth control pills were not 99.9% effective and women had to be very careful about taking them every day and not missing one pill. They still had a chance of getting pregnant. Eight months later in August Morgan did get pregnant, even though she took her pills as prescribed.
While on the road, Adam began to drink and slowly became an alcoholic. If he was not on the road working, he could be found in a bar. Their marriage began to suffer. Morgan gave birth to this baby in May and named him Brian. Brian was a much larger baby then Kelly. He weighed ten pounds and was twenty-two inches long. It was a hard childbirth; Brian was breech and doctors needed to turn him. The birthing process had already begun, and they did not know his position before it was too late, and they were unable to perform a cesarean. After the birth, things just got worse. Adam started to get into heavy drugs. Morgan was glad when he was on the road working and not at home. When he was home, he would play with the children, get high and then beat her. That November when he was on the road, Adam was arrested for assault and battery with attempted murder. The police tested him for drugs and alcohol while searching his truck. Adam failed all the tests and he was put into prison. Morgan had no job to fall back on and had to depend on government assistance to keep the house and support two children. Morgan knew she would be too much of a burden on her grandmother to move back in with her. She had no other choice than to move back home with her parents.
Morgan had met a boy named Adam in school and hoped he would be the one to get her pregnant and marry her. Adam came from a small family and was not well known by people in her town like her family was. His family grew up on a farm. They learned to love and depend on one another, encourage each other, and be very supportive of each other’s hopes and dreams. Morgan wanted this kind of family for herself and the children she hoped to have. Adam was a handsome, intelligent man. He had a very nice build, great tan, with sandy blond hair the color of wheat. He had deep brown eyes; ones that you knew would tell you the truth. Adam’s eyes told her he loved her from the moment she looked into them.
In March of 1966, Morgan did get pregnant and knew at once. Adam had told her that night after having sex he knew he had gotten her pregnant. He was correct; she missed her period one week later. They both were very happy. Adam had fallen in love with her and when he had learned about her situation at home, he wanted to help get her out of there and knew this was the only way. They kept it a secret from both families until after spring had ended. This way she would be too far along for them to do anything about it. Morgan’s family would have made her get an abortion. They did not need any more brats running around. Adam and Morgan found more and more ways to be together and began to make plans for their marriage.
During the summer months, Morgan’s family stayed at the lake and did not come home until August. Morgan did not tell her father she was pregnant until fall because she knew he would insist on her getting the abortion. When she did tell him about the pregnancy, she tried to explain that they had fallen in love and were having sex for months. Harold became outraged and called her a slut. Her father demanded Morgan and Adam get married immediately, so she would not shame her family.
Later that night Harold approached Vicky with great apprehension. He knew he had to tell her Morgan was pregnant. Vicky was in the kitchen getting the dinner ready to set on the table for them. As Vicky placed the roast in the center of the table, she knew Harold had something to say. As she looked at her husband she could tell this was very painstaking for him. Vicky wanted to know what was wrong. Harold began very calmly to tell her about their daughter’s condition. Before he could get out the words, she called Morgan to the table. Morgan looked at her father with betrayal. Her mother knew this look well and asked them what they were keeping from her. Harold took a deep breath, and looking down at the table, told Vicky that Morgan was pregnant. Vicky went into a rage. She grabbed the plates from the table and threw them at Morgan, missing her head by a few inches. She then grabbed Morgan, dragging her to her room, and shoved her on the bed. Vicky began to pack Morgan’s things in a suitcase and told her she was going to live with her grandmother. Morgan began to cry and told her mother that she could not disgrace her grandmother that way. Vicky told her to call the boy who was responsible and have his family take her in because she was no longer welcomed in her home.
Morgan called Adam, nonetheless, he could not take her to his family’s home until they were married. Morgan began to cry and begged her mom to let her stay. Vicky grabbed the phone from her and called Clarabelle. Harold came into the room and told Vicky to go into the other room while he talked to his daughter. Harold told her that she had to do as her mother asked; he picked up her suitcase and took it to the car. A few minutes later, Morgan came down the stairs and out the door, looking back at the house she had grown up in.
Morgan went to live with her grandmother, knowing she would not yell at her and would understand accidents happened, even though this was no accident. Morgan started her junior year four months pregnant and still not married. She was very worried about what would happen to her if she would have to move back home. Morgan’s parents had gotten into a fight with Clarabelle and had told her to stay out of their business. By law, Morgan was not allowed to leave home until she was twenty-one and could not marry without their permission. Her grandmother knew they were right and had to let her move back home with some conditions. One: that she was able to spend weekends with her, Two: Morgan would go to church every Sunday with her, and Three: Vicky and Harold would pay and sign for her to marry Adam. Her parents agreed to these terms. They felt it would be good for Morgan to go to church and to be married. This way she would be out of their hair and maybe God could help her with her problems. Harold and Vicky believed they were not the cause of their daughter’s problems.
Adam’s family was very excited and supportive of them and they decided to help with the wedding plans. His parents had told them both that they had wished they had gotten married first before she had gotten pregnant and Morgan had finished high school. His parents were understanding and realized how accidents could happen. Neither Morgan nor Adam decided to tell his parents it was a planned pregnancy or the reason behind it. It was better off if no one knew the truth. Adam was graduating that year from high school and as soon as he did he knew he would have to get a job. He had a job all set up; he would be a truck driver. This would support his family. Adam also knew that he would be on the road most of the time, and not be home much to help with the household chores or the upbringing of the children. Adam and Morgan married that August in the family church Clarabelle belongs to. Morgan was five months pregnant and was not showing. Morgan hid it from the people who did not know she was pregnant. Their wedding was very simple, and everyone was happy for the young couple.
Morgan did try to finish her junior year of high school. Once she began to show the school expelled her. It was common to get married at a young age and be a drop-out because of pregnancy. The school had to set an example for the other students that pregnancy would not be tolerated. Morgan would be allowed to return to school after she had the baby. Returning to school would be difficult for Morgan because she could not handle being a mother and a student at the same time.
Morgan gave birth to a baby girl in December and named her Kelly. She was a small baby at six pounds and nineteen inches long. Morgan and Adam now had a house and family of their own. Morgan visited her grandmother often with her daughter. Morgan was happy for many years. However, times were getting tough having to raise a little baby practically on her own since her husband was away out of state on most jobs. Morgan never knew when Adam would be home or on the road until the job ended and a new assignment was given.
After delivery of Kelly, Morgan went on birth control pills. Birth control pills were not 99.9% effective and women had to be very careful about taking them every day and not missing one pill. They still had a chance of getting pregnant. Eight months later in August Morgan did get pregnant, even though she took her pills as prescribed.
While on the road, Adam began to drink and slowly became an alcoholic. If he was not on the road working, he could be found in a bar. Their marriage began to suffer. Morgan gave birth to this baby in May and named him Brian. Brian was a much larger baby then Kelly. He weighed ten pounds and was twenty-two inches long. It was a hard childbirth; Brian was breech and doctors needed to turn him. The birthing process had already begun, and they did not know his position before it was too late, and they were unable to perform a cesarean. After the birth, things just got worse. Adam started to get into heavy drugs. Morgan was glad when he was on the road working and not at home. When he was home, he would play with the children, get high and then beat her. That November when he was on the road, Adam was arrested for assault and battery with attempted murder. The police tested him for drugs and alcohol while searching his truck. Adam failed all the tests and he was put into prison. Morgan had no job to fall back on and had to depend on government assistance to keep the house and support two children. Morgan knew she would be too much of a burden on her grandmother to move back in with her. She had no other choice than to move back home with her parents.
July 26, 2020
Amber: Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
Between the ages of three and five, the events in Amber’s life remain a blur. She can recall bits and pieces of memories long forgotten. Amber remembers packing and moving frequently from one place to another. It was as if she never had a true home to call her own. She spent most of her time with her siblings Kelly and Brian when they were not in school. She recalls spending time with both sets of her grandparents.
The summers were spent with Harold and Vicky at the lake. They had their own boat and would go out on the water fishing and waterskiing. The local beach near the lake had a small ice cream stand where they would sometimes get cones.
Amber had short visits with her other grandparents, Charlie and Birdie, on the farm. There she would play with her white rabbit in the back yard, help milk the cows in the big red barn, and watch the horses run free alongside the house. She also had paper dolls that she liked to play with which were stored in antique travel trunks. Her grandmother, Birdie would make her homemade playdough, that she would, at times, get caught eating. Charlie liked to sit in his rocking chair and read books to her. He had a voice similar to the Carvel ice cream man. Their house always smelled of sweet vanilla from the pipe he smoked.
The biggest impact on this child was when her mother married Michael, and he became her first stepfather. With Morgan’s marriage to Michael, the children acquired another set of grandparents named George and Edna. George had been a medic in the Army and Edna had been a baker. Due to a falling out that occurred between Morgan and both her and David’s parents, the children no longer visited Harold, Vicky, Charlie, and Birdie. At five years old, things started to become clearer for Amber.
As Amber and her siblings, grew older, Michael began to change. He was starting to show his true colors as the monster he really was. He became quick to anger and was a firm believer in children having chores and punishments. Those punishments became more frequent and unjust, tipping the scales into beatings. Kelly and Brian got punished more often than Amber. One of his favorite punishments was his belt across their backsides. He would have the children bend over and touch their toes. If they were not quick in this action, he would strike them across their lower backs. The children were to count out how many things they had done wrong and the lashings would equal the same amount. Most times, they would get an extra one for good measure. The children tried to avoid Michael’s rage by going outside all day or simply visiting George and Edna, who lived across the street.
While living with Michael, Amber had several accidents. No one ever took her to the hospital or a doctor after any of these accidents to check her for any internal damage or long-lasting effects. Michael was not a big fan of hospitals. Amber knew he feared the accusation; he was the one responsible for the bruises.
Michael owned the woods next to the house he was building. He had cleared a large portion of the land, and the rest was left undisturbed to keep some distance from the neighbors. In these woods, the children played in the rock formations and the old junk vehicles left behind.
During the winter months, they would sled ride down the hills, having to be careful of the tree stumps partially covered in snow. One winter, Amber hit her head twice on these stumps and was knocked unconscious. Other times, she fell out of the trees when climbing them with her brother, Brian.
The most unforeseen and dangerous incident occurred one day in the fall after the children had come home from school. The leaves were falling off the trees and an enormous amount of leaves had gathered in the exposed, unfinished, living room on the second floor. The children decided to clean them up by tossing them out the openings in the outer supporting walls.
Amber got a little too close to the edge and went down with the leaves as they fell to the ground. Amber was not frightened. She was distracted by the bird flying above her. It was as if they were one. The bird landed in the tree branches the same time Amber landed on her back, hitting her head, and scraping up one of her arms. She did not feel any pain immediately and began to cry only after she saw her arm.
Scared to death, her siblings told her, “Do not move!” They ran down their long driveway yelling for George’s help. George was in his front yard weeding his flower beds. He dropped everything when he heard their screams.
When he arrived where Amber was lying, he picked her up from the ground, carried her to his house, and told her, “You’ll be all right.” He then proceeded to clean the wounds, picking out the very small stones, and bandaged the arm. Afterward, he placed her on the couch with an ice pack where she had hit her head. Amber was in and out of consciousness for most of the night.
Later that summer, an interracial family moved into the neighborhood. This was the first time Amber had been introduced to a child who had a skin color different than hers. Amber took to Reggie instantly, and they became close friends.
One day they decided to play golf in their adjacent yards. Amber stood on the wrong side and got whacked in the face and head. Although she had some pain, they kept playing. When it was her turn, they switched sides and she accidentally hit him in the nose! Once again, George used his medical expertise to treat the children. They both had shiners for a couple of days.
Reggie’s father was in the Army, and it would soon be time for them to relocate. Amber was sad when it was time for her new friend to leave.
On the weekends, Michael would ask his parents to watch the children while he and Morgan spent time together. It appeared that fatherhood was not something he was prepared to handle. Michael began to separate himself from the instant family he had acquired and stayed later at work. He also began having affairs with numerous women.
Amber noticed her mother having an emotional breakdown one evening in the kitchen. She went over to her mom and gave her a big hug. Morgan looked at her and whispered, “Don’t worry, it’s just a matter of time until he slips up and then we will be free from Michael.”
One afternoon, Michael came into the girls’ bedroom to talk to them. Amber was playing Barbies and Kelly was reading a book. Michael began telling them, “You have done nothing wrong. I like being your stepfather. I wanted to adopt all three of you, but fatherhood is more work than I thought it would be. Things have changed between your mother and I.” As he was speaking, his demeanor changed. There was something different in the way he looked at the girls.
From that day on the girls always felt a little uneasy, as if a predator was looking at them. This was the same look their grandfather had when he looked at their mother. The girls, unsure of what to make of this particular conversation and interaction with Michael, remained silent.
As the relationship started to come to an end, Morgan and Michael agreed on a trial separation. She and the children moved in with their great-grandmother Clarabelle. Clarabelle was a short German lady. She had long white hair she wore up in a bun. Clarabelle only wore make-up when she went to church which was not far from her home. When driving, Clarabelle had to put a cushion on her seat so she could see over the dashboard. She had a very heavy lead foot, driving much too fast on the back roads between the cornfields. On holidays, Morgan and the children would go with Clarabelle to church services and would gather afterward at Harold and Vicky’s house for dinner.
One Sunday afternoon Amber was spending time with her grandfather Harold. While hanging out in the downstairs family room, she found a hidden photo of a black lady and her children. Curiously, she asked Harold about the photo. He took it and told her, “Oh! They are just my other family.” Amber knew that day, there was more to Harold than he let on.
Later that evening, Amber decided to try to find out just how Harold had made so much money at his job. After dinner, everyone had left the room except for Harold and Vicky. Amber asked him, “Why does your job take you out of town and away from the family so much?” Vicky turned around from the sink and gasped! Harold calmed her down and jokingly replied, “I go to see my ladies and then I come home to my wife.” Harold kissed Vicky on the cheek and left the room. Amber never voiced her thoughts that maybe he was a pimp. It would have explained many things! After all, he had a way with the ladies, plenty of money, a fancy car, and hidden guns. Who knows? He could have even been a drug dealer as well!
Clarabelle and her son Harold’s houses were separated by a common parking area. Her house was located above his, sharing a slopped driveway to the main road. There was a stream behind Harold and Vicky’s house the children played in for hours. On one such occasion, this stream overflowed, flooding Clarabelle’s basement. The main road would be closed for days until the water receded. Morgan and the children were forced to move back in with Michael. Their time they spent living apart proved to them both, the best thing for them was a divorce.
Morgan’s divorce from Michael, her third husband, did not negatively affect the children. They were happy not to have this man in their lives any longer. This meant the beatings would stop. The only downfall was they were losing wonderful grandparents. They quickly learned not to get attached to any other grandparents that might enter their lives in the future.
Between the ages of three and five, the events in Amber’s life remain a blur. She can recall bits and pieces of memories long forgotten. Amber remembers packing and moving frequently from one place to another. It was as if she never had a true home to call her own. She spent most of her time with her siblings Kelly and Brian when they were not in school. She recalls spending time with both sets of her grandparents.
The summers were spent with Harold and Vicky at the lake. They had their own boat and would go out on the water fishing and waterskiing. The local beach near the lake had a small ice cream stand where they would sometimes get cones.
Amber had short visits with her other grandparents, Charlie and Birdie, on the farm. There she would play with her white rabbit in the back yard, help milk the cows in the big red barn, and watch the horses run free alongside the house. She also had paper dolls that she liked to play with which were stored in antique travel trunks. Her grandmother, Birdie would make her homemade playdough, that she would, at times, get caught eating. Charlie liked to sit in his rocking chair and read books to her. He had a voice similar to the Carvel ice cream man. Their house always smelled of sweet vanilla from the pipe he smoked.
The biggest impact on this child was when her mother married Michael, and he became her first stepfather. With Morgan’s marriage to Michael, the children acquired another set of grandparents named George and Edna. George had been a medic in the Army and Edna had been a baker. Due to a falling out that occurred between Morgan and both her and David’s parents, the children no longer visited Harold, Vicky, Charlie, and Birdie. At five years old, things started to become clearer for Amber.
As Amber and her siblings, grew older, Michael began to change. He was starting to show his true colors as the monster he really was. He became quick to anger and was a firm believer in children having chores and punishments. Those punishments became more frequent and unjust, tipping the scales into beatings. Kelly and Brian got punished more often than Amber. One of his favorite punishments was his belt across their backsides. He would have the children bend over and touch their toes. If they were not quick in this action, he would strike them across their lower backs. The children were to count out how many things they had done wrong and the lashings would equal the same amount. Most times, they would get an extra one for good measure. The children tried to avoid Michael’s rage by going outside all day or simply visiting George and Edna, who lived across the street.
While living with Michael, Amber had several accidents. No one ever took her to the hospital or a doctor after any of these accidents to check her for any internal damage or long-lasting effects. Michael was not a big fan of hospitals. Amber knew he feared the accusation; he was the one responsible for the bruises.
Michael owned the woods next to the house he was building. He had cleared a large portion of the land, and the rest was left undisturbed to keep some distance from the neighbors. In these woods, the children played in the rock formations and the old junk vehicles left behind.
During the winter months, they would sled ride down the hills, having to be careful of the tree stumps partially covered in snow. One winter, Amber hit her head twice on these stumps and was knocked unconscious. Other times, she fell out of the trees when climbing them with her brother, Brian.
The most unforeseen and dangerous incident occurred one day in the fall after the children had come home from school. The leaves were falling off the trees and an enormous amount of leaves had gathered in the exposed, unfinished, living room on the second floor. The children decided to clean them up by tossing them out the openings in the outer supporting walls.
Amber got a little too close to the edge and went down with the leaves as they fell to the ground. Amber was not frightened. She was distracted by the bird flying above her. It was as if they were one. The bird landed in the tree branches the same time Amber landed on her back, hitting her head, and scraping up one of her arms. She did not feel any pain immediately and began to cry only after she saw her arm.
Scared to death, her siblings told her, “Do not move!” They ran down their long driveway yelling for George’s help. George was in his front yard weeding his flower beds. He dropped everything when he heard their screams.
When he arrived where Amber was lying, he picked her up from the ground, carried her to his house, and told her, “You’ll be all right.” He then proceeded to clean the wounds, picking out the very small stones, and bandaged the arm. Afterward, he placed her on the couch with an ice pack where she had hit her head. Amber was in and out of consciousness for most of the night.
Later that summer, an interracial family moved into the neighborhood. This was the first time Amber had been introduced to a child who had a skin color different than hers. Amber took to Reggie instantly, and they became close friends.
One day they decided to play golf in their adjacent yards. Amber stood on the wrong side and got whacked in the face and head. Although she had some pain, they kept playing. When it was her turn, they switched sides and she accidentally hit him in the nose! Once again, George used his medical expertise to treat the children. They both had shiners for a couple of days.
Reggie’s father was in the Army, and it would soon be time for them to relocate. Amber was sad when it was time for her new friend to leave.
On the weekends, Michael would ask his parents to watch the children while he and Morgan spent time together. It appeared that fatherhood was not something he was prepared to handle. Michael began to separate himself from the instant family he had acquired and stayed later at work. He also began having affairs with numerous women.
Amber noticed her mother having an emotional breakdown one evening in the kitchen. She went over to her mom and gave her a big hug. Morgan looked at her and whispered, “Don’t worry, it’s just a matter of time until he slips up and then we will be free from Michael.”
One afternoon, Michael came into the girls’ bedroom to talk to them. Amber was playing Barbies and Kelly was reading a book. Michael began telling them, “You have done nothing wrong. I like being your stepfather. I wanted to adopt all three of you, but fatherhood is more work than I thought it would be. Things have changed between your mother and I.” As he was speaking, his demeanor changed. There was something different in the way he looked at the girls.
From that day on the girls always felt a little uneasy, as if a predator was looking at them. This was the same look their grandfather had when he looked at their mother. The girls, unsure of what to make of this particular conversation and interaction with Michael, remained silent.
As the relationship started to come to an end, Morgan and Michael agreed on a trial separation. She and the children moved in with their great-grandmother Clarabelle. Clarabelle was a short German lady. She had long white hair she wore up in a bun. Clarabelle only wore make-up when she went to church which was not far from her home. When driving, Clarabelle had to put a cushion on her seat so she could see over the dashboard. She had a very heavy lead foot, driving much too fast on the back roads between the cornfields. On holidays, Morgan and the children would go with Clarabelle to church services and would gather afterward at Harold and Vicky’s house for dinner.
One Sunday afternoon Amber was spending time with her grandfather Harold. While hanging out in the downstairs family room, she found a hidden photo of a black lady and her children. Curiously, she asked Harold about the photo. He took it and told her, “Oh! They are just my other family.” Amber knew that day, there was more to Harold than he let on.
Later that evening, Amber decided to try to find out just how Harold had made so much money at his job. After dinner, everyone had left the room except for Harold and Vicky. Amber asked him, “Why does your job take you out of town and away from the family so much?” Vicky turned around from the sink and gasped! Harold calmed her down and jokingly replied, “I go to see my ladies and then I come home to my wife.” Harold kissed Vicky on the cheek and left the room. Amber never voiced her thoughts that maybe he was a pimp. It would have explained many things! After all, he had a way with the ladies, plenty of money, a fancy car, and hidden guns. Who knows? He could have even been a drug dealer as well!
Clarabelle and her son Harold’s houses were separated by a common parking area. Her house was located above his, sharing a slopped driveway to the main road. There was a stream behind Harold and Vicky’s house the children played in for hours. On one such occasion, this stream overflowed, flooding Clarabelle’s basement. The main road would be closed for days until the water receded. Morgan and the children were forced to move back in with Michael. Their time they spent living apart proved to them both, the best thing for them was a divorce.
Morgan’s divorce from Michael, her third husband, did not negatively affect the children. They were happy not to have this man in their lives any longer. This meant the beatings would stop. The only downfall was they were losing wonderful grandparents. They quickly learned not to get attached to any other grandparents that might enter their lives in the future.
Morgan: Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
Time had passed. Morgan was about to turn twelve years old and the prior year Morgan had started going through puberty. She got her first period that following summer and grew pubic hair. She had already developed breasts earlier in the spring. Morgan was very tall towering over most of the boys in her school. Now her hair had changed to a dark brownish red, and her eyes still were greener than ever. She had a pretty face with no blemishes, except she wore thick black glasses that covered her natural beauty. Morgan was never clumsy and never slouched. Morgan was told to be proud of her tallness and to always stand tall. Morgan had a very hard time growing up in the 1960s. There were a lot of changes taking place in society.
Morgan never looked at her father as a man but only as her father. She believed he would love her no matter what she did or how much trouble she would get into at school or with her mother. Morgan was indeed daddy’s little girl. This man whom she knew, trusted and loved as her father would become her worst nightmare in the years to come. Slowly her father began to pay more and more attention to her. Her mother started to ignore what was happening before her very eyes. Vicky was too immersed in her life and her son’s happiness. As soon as puberty started, Harold started to notice his daughter in a different way. Morgan was becoming a woman who would soon have women’s needs and desires. He began to request some strange things from Morgan. Loving her father as she did, Morgan always obeyed him.
The manipulation started out as something plain and simple, like asking her to rub his sore muscles after work because her mother was too busy getting his bath ready for him. Then it gradually got worse as time went by. Harold would come into the bathroom when Morgan was getting ready to take a bath and ask her if the water was hot enough. He then would proceed to test it for her even though she had already begun to get undressed. No modesty was allowed in the house. It was against the rules to lock any doors inside the home. If you were caught locking even one door, the punishment was very severe.
Harold played immensely on Morgan’s emotions and what she wanted for herself. Harold knew Morgan would not ask for anything unlike her brother Richard. Harold knew exactly what she wanted and what a teenage girl needed to be accepted into the right circle of friends. He began to purchase Morgan things she needed to fit in with the popular crowd. He bought Morgan the best dresses and shoes that money could buy. He also gave her plenty of spending money. This started her on the road to popularity. All this was given without her even asking for it. Soon, it would cost her to continue getting the things she wanted or needed.
It started out as a game of trying on clothing and modeling them for her father while he took pictures, to show her what she looked like. At first, Morgan changed outfits in the bathroom, but he quickly persuaded her to change in his room. Harold also managed to convince her that if anything came up that she needed help with, he could help her. While Morgan changed outfits, he would observe the contours of her body and take pictures of her while she undressed. As the seasons changed the outfits also changed, while they also became increasingly revealing. As Morgan grew through puberty, the manipulation got worse to the point where he wanted to take pictures of her body parts. This way she could see the changes taking place in her body and would have the pictures to compare later. This would be kept a secret between them only they would know or see them and no one else. The pictures had to stay in his room where he kept them locked in the safe in his bedroom closet. After some time, the pair’s secret gradually came out into the open as little games. For example, he would start to smack her on the butt and then her mother’s butt, to compare them both. Then he would tell them his assessments. Harold examined and compared many other body parts of their anatomy, including their breasts and legs. Then the pictures came out the ones he had taken of his daughter, along with the ones he had taken of his wife throughout their marriage. This way he could compare the mother and daughter’s differences and similarities. Harold not only took Morgan’s pictures he also took photos of Vicky and Richard. However, their father was not the only one to take pictures, Vicky had also taken pictures of Harold throughout their marriage. Then, Vicky took out the pictures of her husband and compared them to her sons. This kind of behavior started with Richard, as he entered puberty. This was not about fitting in with the right crowd; it was more about his masculinity and pride. To this day no one knows if Richard was ever molested by either of his parents.
The summer of 1963 was approaching, and Morgan would soon turn thirteen. This was the summer where all hell would break loose and the school year was shortly coming to an end. Morgan was walking home from school without a care in the world. She was strolling along down the yard, walking between the bushes that separated her home from the next-door neighbors. These were very big homes and Morgan remembers the many times she and her neighbors used to play hide-and-seek in those bushes and trees. Those bushes had grown so big and round that you could not see over the tops of them. Morgan was between those bushes, a few feet away from her house, when it happened.
Her uncle Tom was visiting with her father and they were outside talking when Morgan entered the yard. Tom was a hefty man with brown hair and hazel eyes. Her uncle, despite being a large, was not as tall as her father. Also, unlike the rest of the family, Tom was not muscular, and neither did he look like any of them, many said he was not his father’s son. His facial features were very distinct and made him look very rough and very angry most of the time. Tom hardly ever visited with the family as he was considered the black sheep. On this day though, for some reason, he was outside with Morgan’s father. They were laughing and having a great time, but Morgan could sense something was seriously wrong.
As Morgan walked through the bushes, the air became stagnant as things seemed to stand still. She had the strangest feeling come over her. Morgan looked back to where Tom and her father had stood, but they were gone. She thought they had gone inside; Morgan was sadly mistaken. Suddenly, out of nowhere, they both attacked her. Her father, Harold began to brutally rape her while coaching her uncle Tom to have her too. Harold proceeded to tell Tom what a good lay Morgan was. Both ignoring her pleas and cries for help, they told her to shut up or she would be even sorrier. They also told her that no one was home, so no one could stop them. Her father then encouraged Tom to have her next. He then went into detail about what he could do with her. Her uncle hesitated for a while and then decided it would be okay as no one would find out. It was clear that he was frightened by the circumstances and what could happen to him. After seeing what Harold was doing to his daughter, and listening to the encouragement from his brother, his anticipation grew immensely. Tom then began to talk about what he was going to do to her next, how much he was going to enjoy her father’s little whore. Somehow this excited both of them, giving them the will to perform the very things they were describing to one another. Morgan tried to get away from them several times. When it came to Tom’s turn, he pulled a stick from one of the bushes and said he would beat her with it if he did not get his turn. Morgan was so frightened that she went into shock and prayed to die on the very spot.
Although, the next-door neighbors were home, they were unable to hear what was happening, or else simply chose to ignore it. The trees and bushes were so big that they could not see anything. If, by chance, they could see what was happening, they had decided to not get involved. It seemed like an eternity until Harold and Tom were finished, yet Morgan knew it had been only about an hour. After they were finished with her. They told her it was her fault for wearing a revealing dress. They instructed Morgan to be more aware of what she wore around the boys. Their intentions were to teach her a lesson not to be a tease and what she could expect from other men. Harold felt it was his right to have her first before someone else took her virginity. If Morgan told anyone what had happened, she would be punished. The punishment would be unlike any punishment she had gotten in the past; worse than what she had just experienced. Morgan did not know exactly what that meant and was not sure she wanted to find out. Before anyone came home, Tom had already left. No one knows why he showed up that day at the house, and he never returned. Later that night something must have snapped in Morgan’s brain because she began to believe that if she did whatever her father told her it would all end. Morgan was sadly mistaken. Things would indeed get worse. Time went by and the abuse never stopped. The intervals decreased as Harold and Vicky began to concentrate on her brother.
Morgan found more excuses not to come home at night. She had been very close to her grandmother Clarabelle, who was a very kind and outgoing Christian woman who wanted to protect her children from all harm, except she was not sure how to do that. Clarabelle had begun to suspect something horrible was going on in her son’s home. Clarabelle had only one son and one daughter named Esther, though she never had a close relationship with her. Clarabelle had considered Morgan as one of her own daughters. Morgan soon began spending more time with her grandmother to avoid the abuse. This way she could sleep at night without the fear of her father attacking her.
As the weeks went by things became more bizarre. The family started to sleep in the nude and no one had any modesty in front of one another. Figuring since they all had seen one another naked, what was the point in covering up with clothing? Harold was becoming more obsessed with his daughter. He wanted her more and began inappropriately touching Morgan in plain sight of Vicky. It did not matter if Morgan was dressed or not. He made it a regular pastime and her mother appeared to enjoy watching him do it to her.
Over time, Vicky began to get jealous of Morgan. Harold, her husband, was showing more interest in their daughter than in her and he was buying Morgan more materialistic things than he did Vicky. It was not Morgan’s fault for what had happened and continued to happen to her. Harold was a very convincing and manipulative man. He had no belief in God and had no moral values for society or his family. Harold continually told Morgan he was the only one who loved her and that no one would believe her even if she did tell anyone about what he had done to her. Harold was well known by too many people and well-liked by the community. Morgan believed that if she told her mother he had raped her, Vicky would beat her. Vicky would not understand why Morgan took so long to tell her and would accuse her of being the one at fault, and that Morgan should have stopped it herself when it began.
One day Morgan did try to tell her mother. Her mother, Vicky became so furious and obsessed with jealousy. While accusing her of being a whore, she beat Morgan with her high heel shoes and pushed her down the flight of stairs. Vicky was screaming at the top of her lungs that she was not her daughter, and that she belonged to the devil.
These kinds of behaviors lasted for many more years and Morgan knew what had to be done. She had to get away from the family and out of this house. Her father continued to rape her repeatedly on a regular basis. Morgan felt like she had no rights to her body or her life. Harold would reward her with gifts and money. These actions made her feel truly like a whore. Every night before Morgan would go to bed she would cry and try to put that night and all the nights before behind her. As long as Morgan lived in this house she could never get her mind back to normal. She could not have any type of rational thinking or any feelings of self-worth.
Morgan had turned sixteen and began to have sex with many of the guys in high school. She hung around with only a few girls, all with bad reputations. These girls were known as sluts, alcoholics, and were very bad girls. Morgan started out as a very beautiful young intelligent girl with the brains and ambitions to succeed at anything. Morgan had the desire and ability to change her life for the better. All Morgan wanted was her piece of the “American Pie”. That had all changed when Morgan turned thirteen and life had spiraled downhill, all thanks to her father. Harold was the one who encouraged her to sleep around with other men. This way she could compare them with him. Harold wanted to know how Morgan felt about sex, what excited her, and what turned her off. Morgan began to form a plan in her mind of how to get out of this hell-hole she was living in and began to put it in motion.
Time had passed. Morgan was about to turn twelve years old and the prior year Morgan had started going through puberty. She got her first period that following summer and grew pubic hair. She had already developed breasts earlier in the spring. Morgan was very tall towering over most of the boys in her school. Now her hair had changed to a dark brownish red, and her eyes still were greener than ever. She had a pretty face with no blemishes, except she wore thick black glasses that covered her natural beauty. Morgan was never clumsy and never slouched. Morgan was told to be proud of her tallness and to always stand tall. Morgan had a very hard time growing up in the 1960s. There were a lot of changes taking place in society.
Morgan never looked at her father as a man but only as her father. She believed he would love her no matter what she did or how much trouble she would get into at school or with her mother. Morgan was indeed daddy’s little girl. This man whom she knew, trusted and loved as her father would become her worst nightmare in the years to come. Slowly her father began to pay more and more attention to her. Her mother started to ignore what was happening before her very eyes. Vicky was too immersed in her life and her son’s happiness. As soon as puberty started, Harold started to notice his daughter in a different way. Morgan was becoming a woman who would soon have women’s needs and desires. He began to request some strange things from Morgan. Loving her father as she did, Morgan always obeyed him.
The manipulation started out as something plain and simple, like asking her to rub his sore muscles after work because her mother was too busy getting his bath ready for him. Then it gradually got worse as time went by. Harold would come into the bathroom when Morgan was getting ready to take a bath and ask her if the water was hot enough. He then would proceed to test it for her even though she had already begun to get undressed. No modesty was allowed in the house. It was against the rules to lock any doors inside the home. If you were caught locking even one door, the punishment was very severe.
Harold played immensely on Morgan’s emotions and what she wanted for herself. Harold knew Morgan would not ask for anything unlike her brother Richard. Harold knew exactly what she wanted and what a teenage girl needed to be accepted into the right circle of friends. He began to purchase Morgan things she needed to fit in with the popular crowd. He bought Morgan the best dresses and shoes that money could buy. He also gave her plenty of spending money. This started her on the road to popularity. All this was given without her even asking for it. Soon, it would cost her to continue getting the things she wanted or needed.
It started out as a game of trying on clothing and modeling them for her father while he took pictures, to show her what she looked like. At first, Morgan changed outfits in the bathroom, but he quickly persuaded her to change in his room. Harold also managed to convince her that if anything came up that she needed help with, he could help her. While Morgan changed outfits, he would observe the contours of her body and take pictures of her while she undressed. As the seasons changed the outfits also changed, while they also became increasingly revealing. As Morgan grew through puberty, the manipulation got worse to the point where he wanted to take pictures of her body parts. This way she could see the changes taking place in her body and would have the pictures to compare later. This would be kept a secret between them only they would know or see them and no one else. The pictures had to stay in his room where he kept them locked in the safe in his bedroom closet. After some time, the pair’s secret gradually came out into the open as little games. For example, he would start to smack her on the butt and then her mother’s butt, to compare them both. Then he would tell them his assessments. Harold examined and compared many other body parts of their anatomy, including their breasts and legs. Then the pictures came out the ones he had taken of his daughter, along with the ones he had taken of his wife throughout their marriage. This way he could compare the mother and daughter’s differences and similarities. Harold not only took Morgan’s pictures he also took photos of Vicky and Richard. However, their father was not the only one to take pictures, Vicky had also taken pictures of Harold throughout their marriage. Then, Vicky took out the pictures of her husband and compared them to her sons. This kind of behavior started with Richard, as he entered puberty. This was not about fitting in with the right crowd; it was more about his masculinity and pride. To this day no one knows if Richard was ever molested by either of his parents.
The summer of 1963 was approaching, and Morgan would soon turn thirteen. This was the summer where all hell would break loose and the school year was shortly coming to an end. Morgan was walking home from school without a care in the world. She was strolling along down the yard, walking between the bushes that separated her home from the next-door neighbors. These were very big homes and Morgan remembers the many times she and her neighbors used to play hide-and-seek in those bushes and trees. Those bushes had grown so big and round that you could not see over the tops of them. Morgan was between those bushes, a few feet away from her house, when it happened.
Her uncle Tom was visiting with her father and they were outside talking when Morgan entered the yard. Tom was a hefty man with brown hair and hazel eyes. Her uncle, despite being a large, was not as tall as her father. Also, unlike the rest of the family, Tom was not muscular, and neither did he look like any of them, many said he was not his father’s son. His facial features were very distinct and made him look very rough and very angry most of the time. Tom hardly ever visited with the family as he was considered the black sheep. On this day though, for some reason, he was outside with Morgan’s father. They were laughing and having a great time, but Morgan could sense something was seriously wrong.
As Morgan walked through the bushes, the air became stagnant as things seemed to stand still. She had the strangest feeling come over her. Morgan looked back to where Tom and her father had stood, but they were gone. She thought they had gone inside; Morgan was sadly mistaken. Suddenly, out of nowhere, they both attacked her. Her father, Harold began to brutally rape her while coaching her uncle Tom to have her too. Harold proceeded to tell Tom what a good lay Morgan was. Both ignoring her pleas and cries for help, they told her to shut up or she would be even sorrier. They also told her that no one was home, so no one could stop them. Her father then encouraged Tom to have her next. He then went into detail about what he could do with her. Her uncle hesitated for a while and then decided it would be okay as no one would find out. It was clear that he was frightened by the circumstances and what could happen to him. After seeing what Harold was doing to his daughter, and listening to the encouragement from his brother, his anticipation grew immensely. Tom then began to talk about what he was going to do to her next, how much he was going to enjoy her father’s little whore. Somehow this excited both of them, giving them the will to perform the very things they were describing to one another. Morgan tried to get away from them several times. When it came to Tom’s turn, he pulled a stick from one of the bushes and said he would beat her with it if he did not get his turn. Morgan was so frightened that she went into shock and prayed to die on the very spot.
Although, the next-door neighbors were home, they were unable to hear what was happening, or else simply chose to ignore it. The trees and bushes were so big that they could not see anything. If, by chance, they could see what was happening, they had decided to not get involved. It seemed like an eternity until Harold and Tom were finished, yet Morgan knew it had been only about an hour. After they were finished with her. They told her it was her fault for wearing a revealing dress. They instructed Morgan to be more aware of what she wore around the boys. Their intentions were to teach her a lesson not to be a tease and what she could expect from other men. Harold felt it was his right to have her first before someone else took her virginity. If Morgan told anyone what had happened, she would be punished. The punishment would be unlike any punishment she had gotten in the past; worse than what she had just experienced. Morgan did not know exactly what that meant and was not sure she wanted to find out. Before anyone came home, Tom had already left. No one knows why he showed up that day at the house, and he never returned. Later that night something must have snapped in Morgan’s brain because she began to believe that if she did whatever her father told her it would all end. Morgan was sadly mistaken. Things would indeed get worse. Time went by and the abuse never stopped. The intervals decreased as Harold and Vicky began to concentrate on her brother.
Morgan found more excuses not to come home at night. She had been very close to her grandmother Clarabelle, who was a very kind and outgoing Christian woman who wanted to protect her children from all harm, except she was not sure how to do that. Clarabelle had begun to suspect something horrible was going on in her son’s home. Clarabelle had only one son and one daughter named Esther, though she never had a close relationship with her. Clarabelle had considered Morgan as one of her own daughters. Morgan soon began spending more time with her grandmother to avoid the abuse. This way she could sleep at night without the fear of her father attacking her.
As the weeks went by things became more bizarre. The family started to sleep in the nude and no one had any modesty in front of one another. Figuring since they all had seen one another naked, what was the point in covering up with clothing? Harold was becoming more obsessed with his daughter. He wanted her more and began inappropriately touching Morgan in plain sight of Vicky. It did not matter if Morgan was dressed or not. He made it a regular pastime and her mother appeared to enjoy watching him do it to her.
Over time, Vicky began to get jealous of Morgan. Harold, her husband, was showing more interest in their daughter than in her and he was buying Morgan more materialistic things than he did Vicky. It was not Morgan’s fault for what had happened and continued to happen to her. Harold was a very convincing and manipulative man. He had no belief in God and had no moral values for society or his family. Harold continually told Morgan he was the only one who loved her and that no one would believe her even if she did tell anyone about what he had done to her. Harold was well known by too many people and well-liked by the community. Morgan believed that if she told her mother he had raped her, Vicky would beat her. Vicky would not understand why Morgan took so long to tell her and would accuse her of being the one at fault, and that Morgan should have stopped it herself when it began.
One day Morgan did try to tell her mother. Her mother, Vicky became so furious and obsessed with jealousy. While accusing her of being a whore, she beat Morgan with her high heel shoes and pushed her down the flight of stairs. Vicky was screaming at the top of her lungs that she was not her daughter, and that she belonged to the devil.
These kinds of behaviors lasted for many more years and Morgan knew what had to be done. She had to get away from the family and out of this house. Her father continued to rape her repeatedly on a regular basis. Morgan felt like she had no rights to her body or her life. Harold would reward her with gifts and money. These actions made her feel truly like a whore. Every night before Morgan would go to bed she would cry and try to put that night and all the nights before behind her. As long as Morgan lived in this house she could never get her mind back to normal. She could not have any type of rational thinking or any feelings of self-worth.
Morgan had turned sixteen and began to have sex with many of the guys in high school. She hung around with only a few girls, all with bad reputations. These girls were known as sluts, alcoholics, and were very bad girls. Morgan started out as a very beautiful young intelligent girl with the brains and ambitions to succeed at anything. Morgan had the desire and ability to change her life for the better. All Morgan wanted was her piece of the “American Pie”. That had all changed when Morgan turned thirteen and life had spiraled downhill, all thanks to her father. Harold was the one who encouraged her to sleep around with other men. This way she could compare them with him. Harold wanted to know how Morgan felt about sex, what excited her, and what turned her off. Morgan began to form a plan in her mind of how to get out of this hell-hole she was living in and began to put it in motion.
