Debby Ng's Blog - Posts Tagged "whensomeoneshowsyouwotheyare"
WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM
There’s often this period at the beginning of a relationship where it’s just the right time between dating and defining. You know that gray area where you think I could leave right now and not look back or I could jump off the cliff and dive into this relationship. This is the time to pay attention to who you are with. The little things are important to notice and remember if someone shows you who they are, believe them.
What you are looking for are red flags, those things that make you want to stop Things that make you wonder if people aren’t who they say they are. There’s a big difference between saying and doing. This is where you have to be mindful and make sure no one is pretending to be something they are not. Who are they showing you with their actions? It’s important for things to be natural and a relationship to flow at the beginning but sometimes when actions and words don’t align, you will feel like you’re hitting speed bumps.
If a relationship starts with a lie about who you are then everything else that happens after that has to fit that lie.
So, if people are coming into a relationship and don’t tell you things like they have children, are going through a divorce, houseless, unemployed, have anger issues, or any other variety of issues then you may see actions and words not aligned. You need to decide what is important to know right away. And if there are any signs of abuse, yelling, screaming, demeaning, etc. Don’t nurse or nurture a relationship like that - it’s bad for both parties, giving the abuser more energy and the abused less energy. It’s dangerous and unhealthy.
It’s important to do your homework on who you are dating or talking with and getting to know them before jumping in and defining the relationship. Humans get set in their ways and sometimes it takes a little while to make sure people are who they say they; eventually other aspects of their personality will begin to show. Some aspects may be great and some may be difficult to deal with; no matter what be certain they meet the value of your worth. If you are dating and you can see your entire future with this person and there are enough good qualities to want to keep reading the book, take that leap and move to the next chapter. If not, put the book down and get back out to the bookstore. If someone shows you who they are - believe them - you’ll save yourself a lot of ..what if’s.. should have… could have. And make sure to bring your true self to a new relationship as well.
What you are looking for are red flags, those things that make you want to stop Things that make you wonder if people aren’t who they say they are. There’s a big difference between saying and doing. This is where you have to be mindful and make sure no one is pretending to be something they are not. Who are they showing you with their actions? It’s important for things to be natural and a relationship to flow at the beginning but sometimes when actions and words don’t align, you will feel like you’re hitting speed bumps.
If a relationship starts with a lie about who you are then everything else that happens after that has to fit that lie.
So, if people are coming into a relationship and don’t tell you things like they have children, are going through a divorce, houseless, unemployed, have anger issues, or any other variety of issues then you may see actions and words not aligned. You need to decide what is important to know right away. And if there are any signs of abuse, yelling, screaming, demeaning, etc. Don’t nurse or nurture a relationship like that - it’s bad for both parties, giving the abuser more energy and the abused less energy. It’s dangerous and unhealthy.
It’s important to do your homework on who you are dating or talking with and getting to know them before jumping in and defining the relationship. Humans get set in their ways and sometimes it takes a little while to make sure people are who they say they; eventually other aspects of their personality will begin to show. Some aspects may be great and some may be difficult to deal with; no matter what be certain they meet the value of your worth. If you are dating and you can see your entire future with this person and there are enough good qualities to want to keep reading the book, take that leap and move to the next chapter. If not, put the book down and get back out to the bookstore. If someone shows you who they are - believe them - you’ll save yourself a lot of ..what if’s.. should have… could have. And make sure to bring your true self to a new relationship as well.
