Cara Brookins's Blog

Having fun with a task not only increases the likelihood that you’ll try it, but also your chances at succeeding. That’s right, having fun isn’t just enjoyable, it helps us reach our goals. 

The best news is, it’s actually pretty easy to invite fun back into the things you do every day—even the hard things. And your way-too-serious push to get things done will be more successful after you do. This episode is all about the ways you can intentionally use fun to increase innovation and productivity as you work toward your goals.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

I noticed a few minutes ago, that don’t have any fingerprints on my left hand this week. It’s true. They’re completely gone. And no, I didn’t get rid of them on purpose. I’m not over here planning anything illegal. I was just doing this project, a pretty big project, that involved a paint roller and a very durable clear sealer, that, well, you probably already guessed, I spilled all over the finger tips of my left hand. 

Well, I spilled it on my right hand too, but I was wearing a glove on that hand. You know, because when the instructions said ‘wear gloves’ I thought, well I’m not gonna be all that messy, I’m only going to touch the roller with my right hand, so the instruction writers probably meant that I should wear glove. Not gloves. Just glove. 

Turns out, nope. They meant gloves. And that’s how I now have no fingerprints on my left hand. And that’s also one of the ways I had a ton of fun this week. Seriously, this project was so much fun for me. What I did was paint a tile floor in a bathroom, then I did a decorative stencil over it. And then I had to seal it with that durable sealer I mentioned. That’s the simple explanation. That wasn’t all the stuff that went on. 

I also ran out of this special paint that no one sells in any stores and had to have more mailed to me. That took weeks and we couldn’t use that bathroom. While I was waiting, I learned a whole lot about all the ways not to use a stencil. Including the way I created an entire second project by slapping the painted stencil against the walls multiple times. I refreshed my plumbing skills when I removed the sink….. Well you get the idea. My initial project plan of, “I’ll just paint the tile really quickly” got way out of hand. 

But here’s where this all gets really interesting and what I actually want to talk about today. When I was describing all of this to a good friend mid way through the project, he shook his head and said, this sounds so miserable. Why are you doing this? Is any part of this fun to you? 

And I was stunned. Because yes, obviously. Every single part of this project, well okay almost every single part of this project was a lot of fun. Not only am I super happy with it, I’d do it again—on purpose. But my friend? He would never do it. Ever. If he had to for some reason paint a tile floor in order to save his own life, he would begrudgingly do it poorly and hate every single second. 

And this got me thinking about the word FUN. It’s a word that when we’re kids we use all the time, in fact fun is 100% the most important learning tool we have. It’s why we reach for the first rattling toy our mom shakes over our crib and it’s why we later get up on two feet and run after the family dog. Games we think are fun on the playground build our muscles, creative funny jokes make us laugh and stretch our mind, and a million other board games, legos, erector sets, dolls, and toys teach us everything about the world and build the curiosity that will be with us our entire lives. 

Finding fun is literally our biggest driver and most important motivator. So why, as we grow into adults, do we start putting such a huge emphasis on being serious? Why do we push all the things that we call fun into smaller and smaller portions of our lives? We allow ourselves to have fun for what? Maybe two week nights and part of every other Saturday. 

Seriously. Why are we so serious. Why have we drawn such a stark and depressing line between this thing we call productivity that we hold up on a high pedestal and the things we call fun we think of as an illegitimate way to spend our time? 

Well it all started with this idea humans had to put a separation between our work life and our personal life. It’s a solid line. We have very specific work days and hours and personal days and hours. And somewhere along the line someone decided that the work time would be stoic and high stakes. Very serious. No fun should be had. 

This is a relatively new idea. Because for most of human history, the work we did was part of our every day lives. There was no distinction. And that meant that work and fun went hand in hand all day long every day. The fun was sprinkled in where appropriate. And that’s how it’s meant to be. But it’s not how most of us are living right now. 

This is so sad. Because life is short and it could be so much better if we would view our lives as though we are happily and willingly participating in all the moments of our life. Instead we feel miserable during the working hours, or at the very least are just having a lot less fun during the work hours. And this means we’re really missing out on a lot. If we are living for the weekend or our rare vacation days, then we’re wasting time and missing out on a whole lot of fun that could be part of everything we do. Including, and most importantly, part of the way we reach for our biggest goals. 

But what does it really mean to have more fun more of the time. Well, probably not the first image that came to mind. It isn’t about quitting your job and day drinking between Netflix binges every day. Because that would get old. First, let me remind you that there’s no paycheck in it, and second, well your goals are just way bigger than that. You can reach higher. And you can have more fun along the way. 

What having more fun really means, is incorporating more things into your day that feel playful. Things that make you smile. Things that give you a sense, a feeling, that life is good. When we are playing, the individual moments are more important than any end goal. And even those moments are open to go in just about any direction. Play has loose rules. And this isn’t just about feeling good. It’s about performing better. Because here are just a few things that fun does for you. 

When you’re having fun, your stress hormones are lower. It actually changes the chemical composition of your body. And less high-stress hormone cortisol, means you’ll be healthier with a lower chance of getting sick both short term and long term. And that changed chemical composition means you’ll sleep better too. It will be easier for you to maintain a healthy weight.  And all that means you will look and feel younger and have more energy. Already, you can see the ways this would increase how much work you do and the quality of that work. But there’s more. 

Your memory improves when you’re having fun. You’re more creative too. So your projects will more be more likely to be innovative ideas that will succeed. These are already a bunch of great ways that you’d like your life to change. And proof that having more fun has not only a psychological effect, but a physiological effect too. Fun changes your mind and body and all for the better. 

. . .

I want you to stop and think for a minute about how great it would feel if you could have an idea for a project and then easily just start doing it. Pick up the pen or the hammer. Build the website or hang a sign over your door. Just get moving and do it. 

Why is that so hard, just taking that first step? Why do we end up so paralyzed that most of our ideas land in the “someday” folder.

That’s what my free “Get Unstuck” Challenge is all about. 

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that are really big. I’ve published eight books, built a career writing software, a public speaking business, and I built an entire house with my kids by watching YouTube videos. 

But this challenge right here, this is one of the most important things I’m doing. Because I know how frustrating it is to really want a better life. To maybe even have an exact idea of what you want to do. And to just feel too stuck or too burned out to get there. 

And I know too that it’s possible for you to do what I did. To overcome that feeling of being stuck. It’s 100% possible for you to overcome that stuck feeling and to build exactly the life you want. 

I’ll take you step by step with a series of four video challenges. And at the end you’ll be ready to finally get started on your big project. 

Go to Cara Brookins.com and click on “get unstuck” to sign up for this free Get Unstuck challenge. 

. . .

And here’s my absolute favorite benefit of injecting more fun throughout your day. You don’t just stop being so serious, you stop taking yourself so seriously. And here’s how that shows up for me. It makes me the type of person who is willing to try a lot more things. Because if it doesn’t turn out perfectly, or even at all, maybe it’s a total bomb, so what? 

I’ll laugh at myself and the situation and I will absolutely have learned a few things I can take with me to the next try on this project or a different one. I guess what I mean by this, is having a more fun and playful mindset over all, gives us the mental room to laugh off the mistakes. And that means we’re willing to make more mistakes. And a person who is willing to make mistakes is unstoppable. Unstoppable. 

When you become that type of person you will be riding on the waves of success somewhere around your 25th try at something and everyone else will still be stoically looking over the idea, all worried about making the perfect first move forward. 

Whether you succeed or fail at something isn’t the most important thing. It’s that you had the courage and conviction to get out there and try that really changes how you see yourself and how other people see you. And with every playful try to learn a few things until they all come together into a skill set that rivals the greatest people in your field. 

That’s another thing about fun. It has a profound effect on a team. There’s an equalizing effect to fun. If you can make your boss laugh then you are spending time peer-to-peer, laugh-to-laugh, and that improves morale for everyone. But here’s where it gets a little tricky.

Because I had fun painting bathroom tile. And that might not land within a mile of your definition of fun. So while fun has the same sort of effect on all of us, what we all  call fun isn’t the same. Here’s what I mean by that.

Humans all have the same response in their brain and their body when they are having fun. All of us. But humans aren’t robots. I’m not at all saying that our brains are a simple data-in data-out type of system. Or that every single time any human does a specific thing that they will get the same response. What I am saying is that the underlying systems that are set up in our brain work the same for all of us. It’s just that—and this is the important part—that the steps that you need to take and I need to take to trigger the responses in our brain and body might look really, really different. 

Think of it like the difference between a football player and an opera singer. They both put in a ton of work for their big performance. They both get some sort of paycheck for their work, and that will motivate them to some extent. But there has to be more to it. There has to be some internal reason they each keep getting up before the sun rises to practice. There has to be some point in the day where what is happening is their definition of fun. That’s what gets them back out there every day in addition to the paycheck.

And whether one of them is using her toes every morning to find her mark on the theater stage and the other one is using his toes every morning to kick a ball, the thing happening in their brain when they succeed is the same.

It’s true. The reward their brain gives them for success is the same. The same chemical. They have just found different ways to trigger it. And what you discover that triggers these good states in your brain, those moments are you having fun. It’s that simple. And I guess also that complex, too. 

Because while we know what that looks like in your brain, you didn’t show up on your birthday with this set of game rules to tell your parents or you exactly the things that would be most fun to you and how you could use those moments to reach your goals and build a career that would give you a paycheck also. 

But that’s ok. Because you’ve already shown a lot of proof that you’re good at figuring things out. And this is just one of the things in life that you get to figure out. No worries though. You’re not alone. I have a few ideas today that will help you get started. 

Think back to when you were a kid, and play came more naturally, before you altered what you did based who was watching. See if you can identify the types of things that were the most fun for you. We’re not going to be adding matchbox car or barbie time to your adult schedule, but we are going to figure out what triggers your fun on a more foundational level. 

We’ll start by just identifying what about your favorite games as a kid was most fun. And what you find might really surprise you. 

For example, a lot of people find that they enjoyed setting up their games and play areas a lot more than actually playing. My grandma used to tell me how she played school with her sisters all the time. But the whole game was about making the school supplies from sticks, rocks, and flowers. Setting up desks with wood scraps. After they were finally done setting up there was nothing fun about actually playing school. 

What this says about my grandma is that creating and decorating were what triggered fun. For someone like this, fun at a workplace would be having some control over creating and decorating personal workspace. And if you work from home, make sure your work space there is really a spot you love. Next, start looking for ways to inject this fun into the office for holidays and birthdays. And more importantly, where can this creative fun fit with individual projects? Are their brand color decisions or creative marketing decisions? That’s going to be exactly the thing to increase fun for this the of mindset. 

This is a simple and small way to have more fun with what you do just by better understanding what triggers that rush of brain chemicals for you.  

Maybe your fun right now is watching Netflix or reading novels. You’re not going to get away with that at work, but there’s a way to apply what you enjoy about that to your workday. Do you like solving mysteries? Then research areas at work may make your heart sing. Maybe what you like about it is the storytelling and writing element. Start by applying these things to your work projects. 

Every single project has stages that require complex communication that is ultimately, identical to the art of telling a good story like the one’s you’re reading, watching on Netflix or even the micro stories on TikTok

I’m not into Math. But, math, numbers, measurements and statistics really make some people smile. You may really feel at home surrounded by numbers. And you can use this view of fun to motivate yourself or an entire team by using this. For example, set up a system that marks clear progress as you work toward a goal. Think video game here, with a progress bar, health status, and even points for wins along the way. 

Use bright colors to break people out of a serious mood. Bright colors signify, this is fun time. Come out and play a while. Set a timer and a tight deadline to turn a dull, repetitive task into a challenge. Turn some music on Friday afternoons. Serve a glass of wine with Monday’s lunch and learn. 

Set up celebrations to mark your progress and your successes. And not just those, because some of the times we need fun most is when things are going terrible. And injecting a little fun when things are starting to fail will naturally move your brain to come up with more creative solutions. A little fun could save a doomed project.

What was fun about the tile painting project for me? It was about the completely transformation. The creativity. The idea that I started with a blank slate and created something with it. And if you look at most of the work I do, that’s the fun I have with it. From writing novels—turning a ream of blank paper into a book. Or even building a house—turning a spot on an empty acre of land into a home. Even this podcast take empty airspace and allows me to create new ideas with you. To help both of us set up our work and our lives in an even better way.

Another little fun trick I use that’s more specific is one I’ve shared before on social media. It’s the way I push myself to rehearse for events by coloring in circles on a piece of paper. If I need to hit 3 rehearsals that day, I’ll draw three circles and then after a rehearsal I’ll color a circle in with a bright highlighter. I set a deadline like dinner time or my usual walk time. And if I haven’t colored in all the circles, I don’t eat dinner or go for the walk until I color in the final circle. 

I could just as easily make hashmarks on a piece of paper to keep track. But that’s not as much fun as the colored circles. And it’s not as participatory. Because I get to select the color, and spend a few seconds coloring the circle in, I have some ownership of the results. Our brain likes to own things, and when it does, it puts in more effort and works harder to not lose them. You’ll remember back in episode three we talked about how to use this to our advantage, the way our brain owns things. If you missed that one, go listen it next because it’s a great way to lock in your goals. It’s called, how to do what you actually want to do. 

Adding fun elements to your work day sounds like such a small thing, but every little bit of this has a profound effect on your mind and body. 

This is going to change everything for you. When you set up your projects with this human focused design, by that I just mean setting a project up so it compliments the way your human brain works, you accomplish more which is fantastic. But even more important than that, you will enjoy every element of life more, and so will everyone you work with and live with. Having more fun in your every day work and life creates a ripple effect. 

I’m ready to feel this more in my life an to get a ripple of it back from everything you’re up to too. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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Of course you should spend a little time thinking about a new idea before you begin. But when overthinking and over-planning drags on for so long that your project isn’t going anywhere, you’ve sunk deep into analysis paralysis and you need a little push out of the muck.

Cara lays out some easy ways to recognize when you’re stuck in this planning state and offers strategies to get you up and moving. 

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

…

Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

I make a lot of friends on planes and in airports, in fact, maybe that’s where I met you. If not, then there’s a good chance our turn to share in-flight pretzels just hasn’t popped up yet. Now that the world is starting to step onto planes again, make sure you look for me in the seat next to you. I probably have a book in my hand, but I’ll put it down for a great convo. 

Meeting new people is one of the things I missed most during COVID. So, it’s probably no surprise that on one of my first business flights after the covid lock down I had a great convo with a new friend. which is, I guess, proof that masks don’t stop us from making real human connections and friendships. That’s good news for everyone. 

Well, on this flight, I met a woman named Madison who told me she was writing a screenplay. (A screenplay is just the industry name for a movie script. Madison wanted to write a movie) This was pretty exciting to me, and it really sounded like Madison wasn’t playing at it either. There wasn’t this ‘someday’ glint in her eye when she talked about it. You know what I mean. 

Sometimes our projects feel so far ‘out there’ that they’re more of a Pixar animation in our mind than a thing we can feel as our actual someday reality. 

Not Madison. She outlined all the steps she’d started with. And they were strong. First, and most importantly, she had a GREAT idea for a movie. Something that could be a real blockbuster. Next she’d read the right books about turning that idea into a screenplay. She found a Facebook group of people who wanted to do the same thing. She took a class on writing. She enrolled in an online masterclass about screenplays. 

There’s more. But you get the idea. She did her research and she set herself up for success. But then, she did more research. And then a little more. She planned in even more detail. And then more. And— 

Well, did you know there’s such a thing as too much research? Too much planning? Too much thinking over every little thing that might go into a project, until you feel so overwhelmed with the possibilities that you end up doing: nothing. at. all.  

It’s true. And it has a name. This is called Analysis Paralysis. When you spend so much time and energy researching a thing, that you become too paralyzed to actually do the thing. It happened to Madison. It’s happened to me. And it’s happened to you before too. 

There’s a really obvious reason we over analyze things. And better, there are several easy ways to recognize and overcome this bad habit. Because while it’s normal to spend a little time thinking about a new idea before you begin, and it’s normal to make some plans, it’s not helpful in any way at all to do it to a level that stops you    . 

Here’s an example of how far into Analysis Paralysis Madison had sunk. She had a file about movie directors. Because she was trying to figure out which director would be best for film? She’d watched movies by all the directors in her file. Producers? She’d researched them too. And she’d check into cases where a smaller studio might be better than a larger one? 

Which actors would be cast in each roll in her movie? She had a file for that! Where would it be filmed? Did she need an agent? Which agent should she go for if she decides she needs one? And, here’s my all time favorite, preparing her family to re-locate everyone to LA after her film career takes off. She had a realtor picked out for her house. 

Now. Just to be clear. The problem with this thinking is NOT the optimism. I 100% believe in planning for wild success. Because success doesn’t happen by accident. You have to set it up.

And putting a few of these things on a vision board is also a-ok. You’re not going to hit a goal you don’t set. So set these big goals. Big goals are not the problem. 

The problem with all of this is a lot more simple. It’s all the way back to the basics of taking action. When I asked Madison which version of her screenplay she was working on, she looked a little confused. Then she said: The first version. 

I was almost afraid to ask the next question. But I did anyhow. 

What page are you on? 

Well, she said, I’ve planned out every detail, and I have an outline written. But the rest is all up here. She tapped her head. 

And that’s when I knew she was in a load of trouble. Here’s why. 

Because for more than a year, she hd spent a whole lot of brain power planning for things that she couldn’t possibly know enough about to plan well. The producers, cast, and her possible move to LA, didn’t matter at all until she had a thick ream of paper in her hand with her screenplay on it. And you know what that meant? 

It meant she was putting her time and energy into the wrong thing at the wrong time. The wrong target at the wrong time.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a phase of every single project, where it’s all up here in your head. When it’s a beautiful, glorious plan in your head. And I know too that you really can see every single detail clearly. That’s an amazing thing we humans can do. And it’s important. No, it’s actually VITAL to every project that you do this. 

But that stage of the project should be short. Super short. Because seeing the project in your head, is not the same as doing the project. If that phase stretches long, you slip into analysis paralysis. 

You’ve heard me say before that you really won’t know how to do the thing until you do the thing. You also really won’t have any way of making reasonable decisions about later stages of the project until you do the early stages of the project. For example, you shouldn’t be researching directors, if you’ve never written a directors note. 

We’ve all gone down this path with our projects before. Including me, so I get it. Let’s first understand why it’s happening, and then I’ll give you a tip to use so you can have a clear idea of when to stop analyzing and start doing—before you get to the paralysis part. 

There’s a bunch of stuff happening in your head when you have a new project idea. 

If you remember a couple weeks ago in episode seven we talked about what happens in your brain when you come up with a new idea. If you haven’t listened to that episode be sure to check it out later, it’s called When Your Big Idea Can’t Happen Yet. 

The basic idea though is that a new idea kind of sets a little fire in a spot in your brain with neurons lighting up, and if you think if it like this you can imagine that it heats up the areas around that idea fire until it sets more little fires and then they light up. Very quickly you end up with this area in your brain that branches out with all of these new ideas all sprouting from that original idea. So imagine this looks like burning tree. 

With each new time that you thought, “Oh, and then I could do THIS” being a new branch on the tree as you brainstorm all the   . Make sense? Ideas are fiery energy. They’re exciting. And they set off a chain reaction of new ideas. It’s easy to get caught up in that excitement and let it keep burning into new branches. 

Ok. So of course when Madison had the idea to write a screenplay—but she knew very little about it, she went through this cycle of learning more. Her brain kept lighting up with all these new branches of her idea tree. That’s productive and smart. But where things went wrong was when she crossed over a line of putting time and energy into things that don’t matter RIGHT NOW. 

That’s super important. Putting time and energy into things that don’t matter RIGHT NOW. 

. . .

I want you to stop and think for a minute about how great it would feel if you could have an idea for a project and then easily just start doing it. Pick up the pen or the hammer. Build the website or hang a sign over your door. Just get moving and do it. 

Why is that so hard, just taking that first step? Why do we end up so paralyzed that most of our ideas land in the “someday” folder.

That’s what my free “Get Unstuck” Challenge is all about. 

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that are really big. I’ve published eight books, built a career writing software, a public speaking business, and I built an entire house with my kids by watching YouTube videos. 

But this challenge right here, this is one of the most important things I’m doing. Because I know how frustrating it is to really want a better life. To maybe even have an exact idea of what you want to do. And to just feel too stuck or too burned out to get there. 

And I know too that it’s possible for you to do what I did. To overcome that feeling of being stuck. It’s 100% possible for you to overcome that stuck feeling and to build exactly the life you want. 

I’ll take you step by step with a series of four video challenges. And at the end you’ll be ready to finally get started on your big project. 

Go to Cara Brookins.com and click on “get unstuck” to sign up for this free Get Unstuck challenge. 

. . .

It isn’t that the things Madison was researching and learning were irrelevant to writing a screenplay. She may actually need to know those things. But they were things that weren’t relevant RIGHT NOW. And while that might seem like a subtle difference, it’s important for two reasons. 

First, because in order to do real meaningful research on some of these topics, she had to know a whole lot more about her screenplay. And the only way she could find those answers was to write the screenplay. 

The same is true if you’re, let’s say you’re launching a new program at the office, applying for a new position, buying a new oven, or releasing a brand new menu for your restaurant.

There is a point where you have to stop planning and just step out and begin DOING THE THING. That doesn’t mean you quit planning completely. It means you will continue setting up your plan for the next steps AS you work. From the moment you take your first step, your action and planning go hand in hand and fuel each other.

The second reason you need to make sure your planning steps are relevant RIGHT NOW—is the most important reason in my opinion—It’s because the energy that shows up with a new idea is only with you for a short time. It’s like any flame that burns hot, it also burns out really quickly. Our brains are designed to produce this energy spurt and to help create an energy spurt in our bodies too, so we have everything we need to launch us into the project. You’ve felt this. 

It’s why a new project feels so good. It’s why we feel energized and excited about a new project. We feel restless. Wiggling in our seats even. Because we’re ready to go. And that’s exactly what we should do. GO. Start the project. 

Our early enthusiasm, motivation and energy is meant to be spent doing the project, not fueling an endless cycle of planning. 

Because if your projects are as big and life changing as they should be, they’re also going to be hard. And doing hard things takes energy and motivation. So we don’t want to waste or misdirect any of that precious energy. 

I talk a whole lot more about how to plan and how to avoid over-planning in my Build Something course. I take you through everything  by video, on how to start and finish a big project, and the planning section in that course is all about how to set this first and most important part of your project up right. So make sure you check it out. 

Now that you understand the basics though about how you get stuck in this analysis phase because it’s a hot and exciting fire, let’s talk about one of the big reasons you stay in that heat. It’s going to sting a little. Truth hurts. 

We stay in our planning stage, because planning tricks us into feeling like it’s action—but without having to take the risk of doing the thing. And our brain will take the easy way out any time we let it. The bad news is, the easy way out doesn’t get you to your goal. Ever. 

As long as you stay stuck in the planning stage, then you hold yourself in this automatically upbeat space where all that your planning feels like it’s going to just come true. Like the complete screenplay, the new restaurant, the paycheck, the promotion. And all the other details you imagined down all the branches of your planning idea tree.

This feels safe. Because planning can’t fail. As long as it’s a plan. It’s planned as a success. 

But the second you step out and START the project, the branch could Snap. You could fail. And then the whole tree will tumble down. Timber. 

What I’m saying is that one of the reasons we get stuck in analysis paralysis is because we’re afraid. And I get it. Doing new things is scary. Failure feels bad. I know all that. But after I tell you this next part, you’ll be a lot more afraid of staying stuck than you are of trying. 

Because the end result of analysis paralysis is also failure. You can’t stay stuck there forever in a pretend land of ‘someday I’ll start and finish this’. Your brain and body won’t let you. Your brain just plain isn’t designed to stay in that state. 

What happens when you stay in that research and planning state for two long? Well that flaming tree only has so much fuel. So it burns out. Your energy and enthusiasm for the project burns out. We’ve all had this happen to. You’ve had an idea that you started planning and were super excited about but then eventually it faded away. And even if you tell yourself you’ll revive it someday, there’s almost no chance you really will. That idea died in the planning stage. More specifically, that idea died FROM the planning stage. 

And when you think about it that way, it’s a much bigger and sadder failure to have a project burn out before you even finish planning it. I’d rather give a great new idea a try and fall flat on my face than never give it a shot at all. And I bet you would too. So how do we do that. How do we recognize where it’s time to stop planning and start doing? It’s actually pretty easy. 

What you do, is you keep checking in with yourself by asking yourself this one question:

Do I know enough to start. 

That’s it. Do I know enough to start? 

Ask it every day. Or at the very least at really short intervals that are milestones in your research and planning process. If you’re working with a team or even with one other person, then set up a system where you regularly ask each other this question: Do I know enough to start. 

And when the answer is YES. Then you start. 

And remember you don’t have to know how you’re going to do step 7 or 27 or 707 in order to do step one.

When you know how to do step one. Do step one. 

This doesn’t mean that your planning and research is finished. It means that you’ll be doing more informed planning as you go because you’ll understand a lot more about the process. It means instead of wasting your time planning out along a dozen POSSIBLE branches of your tree, you’ll be planning down the branch you’re actually traveling. And you know what that means? 

It means a lot more energy, motivation, and enthusiasm is directed exactly where it needs to go. It means your project will start sooner, when you’re still in those early and excited phases of the idea. And that means it’s more likely to be successful. 

Back to Madison and her screenplay. When should she have moved from her planning and research stage to her first step in order to avoid analysis paralysis? 

Well, it was perfectly legit for her to do her outlining, read the books, take the classes. And then she should have gotten really serious about the writing. And when she had a moment of feeling stuck or needing a break, or she was between drafts on her writing, then she could continue learning about the film industry, including trying to figure out which directors and producers would fit for her. Maybe even reaching out to an agent after she had a sample of writing. 

But the main focus once she started writing, THAT action should be her main focus, until she reached the end. And guess what Madison is doing now? She’s writing. And she’s writing quickly. Already she can see that a lot of the research she did would have been improved if she had started the writing earlier. 

The default move for every stage of your project is action. So anytime you feel stuck or standing still too long, look for the next action step that you can take right now. This is true for every stage, but we especially get stuck in this planning stage. 

Just ask yourself: Do I know enough to start? 

And when the answer is YES. Then you start. 

There is literally no downside to this. To learning how to recognize when you’re stuck in analysis paralysis and in getting yourself out of that. 

You are ready for this. And you can absolutely do it. You’re ready to have a real working project instead of an eternal project in the works. And the steps to get you there are really simple. 

Imagine how it will feel to move seamlessly—and also fearlessly—through your project from idea to planning and then right into action on step one. It will feel how it’s supposed to feel. That’s how it will feel. Because this is how your mind is set up to pull you through the stages of every project, and now you know exactly how to tap into that. 

I think that’s enough on this topic, any more and we’ll be over analyzing. Go get yourself unstuck. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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It’s a great idea to buy that bike or bookcase with the label: Some assembly required. In fact, diving in and doing some hands-on work will change not only how valuable you believe something is, but how happy you are.

And you don’t have to be particularly skilled at something to get these results. This is called the IKEA effect, even though it’s actually been around a lot longer than the giant IKEA stores have. Cara shares how to use this effect to improve your personal and team commitment to your project.  

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

…

Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

…

Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

My kids have done some really weird things that didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time. Then again, I bet they secretly say the same thing about some of my projects, so maybe it’s all just a side effect of our family project mindset. Here’s the weird thing though. 

When I look back, I can eventually figure out what underlying purpose their weird project served for them. And that’s even true of their craziest sounding adventures. 

So you may have guessed, today I’m gonna share one of these weird things that one of my kids did with you. But first, let me remind you that my kids are adults now. I know you first met them when they were teenagers on our construction site and Roman was just a toddler out here catching frogs in the mud. But now they have jobs, homes, and lives of their own. Even Roman is turning 16 and has a drivers license in his pocket. So, what I’m saying is, they’re totally cool with the things I share about them. And that means, we can dig right into this story about my youngest daughter, Jada.  

When Jada, graduated from high school, she started looking online at a bunch of… I guess you’d call them adventure sites. Now this was way different than what Drew, my oldest son had looked at. He was all about having big adventures in Australia and Alaska. Things that would be more tourist activities like zip lines, hiking and eating great food. But not Jada. Her mind was aiming for something the rest of the family thought was really bizarre. 

She was looking for a work experience. Or sometimes called a working vacation. But the kind that— as far as the rest of us could see was actually all work and no vacation. She searched sites like Farm Stay US, and the Peace Corps. But mostly a lot of much smaller, family run programs where she would sign up to go do things like: blaze a hiking trail through the wilderness, build rock steps, care for bees or berries, or maybe sheep or turkeys and goats. Have you ever heard of something like this? 

Work. Really hard physical work. And she wouldn’t get paid for it. No pay at all. In fact. Are you ready for this? 

She would have to pay the people running the program in order to be allowed to go work for them. Think about that for a minute. She would pay them, to do the work for them. 

If you ever read Tom Sawyer, I bet this sounds familiar. Like the story when Tom was painting the fence. Remember that one? Tom Sawyer had to paint this long picket fence as some kind of punishment. But when one of his friends saw him and started making fun of him, he made it look like so much fun that eventually the kid GAVE him an apple so he’d be allowed the privilege of painting the fence for him. 

This kid paid Tom to let him do the work. 

Jada was willing to pay someone to let her do their work.

And this is where it gets really, really weird. Tom and Jada aren’t alone. Not only are there huge industries built around this idea. You. And me. And pretty much everyone has done this same sort of thing, more than once in our lives. And we enjoyed it so much, we’ll all do it again. 

But before we get into that, let’s talk about the sites I mentioned a second ago. Farm Stay US. Has hundreds of farms in states like Vermont, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Montana, and Wisconsin where you can pay to milk cows, collect eggs, Harvest crops. You can muck the stables, mend the fences, and other really labor intensive jobs. And it’s not just in the United States, this concept is everywhere. 

You can work with elephants in Thailand, with children in Nepal or Cambodia, or plant trees in Australia. or work on the beach in Bali or even the Galapagos islands. Maybe one of these sounds a little more appealing to you. Or maybe you still think the whole idea is nuts. 

Jada researched hundreds of these places. And guess what she ended up actually doing?  That’s right. She didn’t just research the idea of a pay-to-work adventure, she set off on one and did this for real. More than once, actually. 

Jada found a family deep in the Ozark mountains who was inviting people from around the world to help them build a straw bale house. And a fully functional off-grid homestead. She drove as far as the roads allowed, then loaded her tent, and supplies into her hiking backpack and hiked that last couple of miles to the homestead with her dog Greek. (Yes, this is the same sweet dog you see me walking every day in my IG and FB stories)  

Now this wasn’t a lovely summer hike experience. This was early March in the mountains. Cold enough that she had to brush ice and snow off her tent more than once. Cold enough that Greek snuggled right into the sleeping bag with her. 

And what did she do all day? 

She learned to stack straw bales into a house and cover them with a mud mixture. Think sort of like an adobe structure as the finished product. But with walls as thick as hay bales. 

She learned to milk goats and make butter and cheese. She took care of turkeys and chickens. By now you must be wondering what in the world this has to do with you and your goals. But stick around because the ways you can apply this to your project are HUGE—even if your project has nothing at all to do with chickens, and I recognize that it probably doesn’t, neither does mine. 

 On the days when Jada had time to hike to a spot where she could get a cell phone connection, she told us she loved what she was doing. That at the end of every single day on that homestead, when she was counting her blisters and shivering in her tent with Greek, she felt great. She saw a ton of real value in what she had done with her own hands. 

One weekend, my boys Drew and Roman and I visited Jada at the homestead—and right away they talked us into an entire long day of work building pantry shelves for some home canned goods. And the first thing we noticed that day, was that Jada’s level of pride in the things she built, was a lot greater than the actual value of anything she’d done. 

I’m not saying she was bad at farming, I’m just saying with the primitive tools and materials, the limited solar panel electricity, and the limited knowledge. 

Well, the results were functional, but imperfect, and… not overly attractive. And this right here, is where it all gets interesting. 

Because there’s a really fascinating psychological effect behind why Jada and the entire group was so darn proud of their so-so work. 

And after you hear what it’s called, you’ll start to see the times that you’ve fallen for the same effect. Not once, but a whole bunch of times in your life. Maybe not with farm animals or hay bale houses, but with everything from nightstands to teddy bears. Curious yet? 

The name will really blow your mind. This is called: the IKEA effect. That’s right, IKEA. The big box store that sells stuff you have to put together yourself. 

These do-the-work trips that I’ve mentioned, if you think about it are each a sort of DIY industry. And they’re all based on this IKEA effect of us placing a really high value on products we partially create. What that means is this:

If you go care for bee hives investing your money and time, and then you bring home a jar of the honey your labor helped create, it will taste like the best honey you’ve ever had. And you’ll estimate the value of it at 63% more than the honey you’d buy at Kroger. 

And if you think you’re not the type of person who is susceptible to this IKEA effect, you’re probably wrong. Because the same effect gets you into other places like Build-a-Bear. Where you pay more for a stuffed animal because you help create a teddy bear and you customize its final look. But there’s a lot more to this industry than toys.  

How about the food delivery services like Hello Fresh that send you all the ingredients and recipes for your meal, but you still have to prep and cook them yourself? Or selecting the exterior color of your iPhone? Or subway building a custom sandwich you create right in front of you. The same exact effect goes into these as we saw back in Tom Sawyer’s fence painting or Jada’s goat milking adventure. 

And if by some chance you’ve avoided all of the things I’ve mentioned so far, the same IKEA effect is used by companies that allow you to do high level customization of products without actually doing the physical work yourself. In this case, it’s the brain work of designing something online like a shoe or bike or even your next car’s colors and features by selecting from options that let you build it yourself. 

Oh, and I just thought of another one that fits in some ways. Uber and Lyft! Instead of just calling a cab company and taking whatever yellow car shows up, you pick the level of luxury, whether you’re sharing to save money, and you can even see your driver ahead of time. You are customizing your ride experience. And a lot of these drivers take it a step further, offering you control of the music, water or soft drinks, phone chargers, a chance to ride up front, and other choices for elements of your ride.

By now, you can see that this is a widespread effect used by a pile of industries to get you to pay more for their product and value it more. But you know that’s not all we’re here for. Because what I love most in life is figuring out how to use things like this to our advantage. Right? 

Obviously our brains work this way, now how can we use this IKEA effect to help us start our next project and stay motivated until we finish it? 

Well you might have guessed that I have some ideas of how to do just that. And we’ll get to them after a really short break. 

Before we dig into more details, we’re going to take a short break. 

. . .

I want you to stop and think for a minute about how great it would feel if you could have an idea for a project and then easily just start doing it. Pick up the pen or the hammer. Build the website or hang a sign over your door. Just get moving and do it. 

Why is that so hard, just taking that first step? Why do we end up so paralyzed that most of our ideas land in the “someday” folder.

That’s what my free “Get Unstuck” Challenge is all about. 

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that are really big. I’ve published eight books, built a career writing software, a public speaking business, and I built an entire house with my kids by watching YouTube videos. 

But this challenge right here, this is one of the most important things I’m doing. Because I know how frustrating it is to really want a better life. To maybe even have an exact idea of what you want to do. And to just feel too stuck or too burned out to get there. 

And I know too that it’s possible for you to do what I did. To overcome that feeling of being stuck. It’s 100% possible for you to overcome that stuck feeling and to build exactly the life you want. 

I’ll take you step by step with a series of four video challenges. And at the end you’ll be ready to finally get started on your big project. 

Go to Cara Brookins.com and click on “get unstuck” to sign up for this free Get Unstuck challenge. 

. . .

And now, back to the show. 

There are a couple of big reasons that this little IKEA effect works so well on us, and the thing they have in common is that this effect, this ‘I did it myself’ effect engages you with the goal more completely. And that’s a way to really lock in your determination to achieve this goal. And you already know a thing or two about how really engaging with your goals improves your motivation level. 

It’s because motivation builds motivation. You can start by creating just a little bit and it will keep growing. In fact, when you really engage with your project and get that ‘all in’ feeling about it, it’s easy to keep going. In fact, it feels impossible to quit. Which is a fantastic situation to be in. That’s what we want, isn’t it. We want our brain so locked in and committed that quitting feels wrong and motivation feels easy.

If you’ve already listened to episode 10 about how we can create motivation to get started and keep going, you’ll see right away how this fits together.  If you haven’t listened yet, it’s worth going back after today’s episode because all of these systems in our brain work together. Episode 10 is called: How to Create Motivation When You Don’t Feel Like it. You’ll see right away how the IKEA effect fits with it. 

Now, let’s cover a couple of the ways you can put this IKEA effect to use on your project. And these are true whether you’re doing a project all by yourself, or teaming up with other people. 

First, set up ways that you can interact directly with the project at every stage. The more creative these interactions are the better. In some project, like building a greenhouse or designing a sign for your company, this creative interaction feels obvious and is easy to set up.  Even if there are stages you’re hiring out, make sure you ask for several options from the designers so you have a direct hand in choosing the outcome. Because here’s something cool about our brains. 

The IKEA effect is a magic trick you can play on yourself. Even when you KNOW you’re setting up an IKEA effect for yourself. It still works. It still works! When you intentionally set up a way to be more creatively engaged with some hands-on DIY part of your project, you still take more pride in it because you produced it. You can’t help yourself. 

Especially at really difficult parts of your project when you can feel your motivation waning and you really wish you could find an exit door or a little shoemaker elf to finish the work. These are the times when you now know you can instead find a way to get more directly involved in some part of the project that you can really own. And it doesn’t even have to be something overly difficult for this to work. In fact the most successful way to pull this off is to make the work challenging but not too challenging. 

Ok. You’ve got this for projects that have some hands on elements to them. Physical project.

But other projects that take place completely off site or maybe even in cyberspace. Something you never really can reach out and touch? When the idea of laying your hands on something physical seems impossible, the DIY element may seem more difficult, but it’s still possible to use the IKEA effect to your advantage is some subtle ways.         

For an off site project, or one that has a really long set up and planning stage, engage your hands and your mind by creating a model of the project. 

Or change the office art work or color scheme to reflect an element of the project. Anything from your post it notes to your pens and clothes can help you feel more directly and creatively engaged and connected to the project. This is especially helpful in team environments where members can take turns integrating their ideas in creative ways. A little competition between members for creativity improves the connection even more. 

Some of these actions may sound small and irrelevant at first, but on a psychological level they can tip the balance on how connected you feel to the project, and that will change your motivation, your energy level, your commitment. It will change everything. 

The big effect you will get out of these small creative interactions isn’t just a stronger connection to your project, it’s also an increase in your personal level of competency. It’s that simple. You’re believe in yourself and your  ability to start and finish a thing with positive results. Bolstering your confidence in one area will bolster your confidence in other areas. Taking control in one are will give you a sense of control over other areas. 

And it doesn’t matter if you set that chain off with assembling a bookcase, or custom ordering the thank you gifts for clients, or whatever start to finish IKEA-like scenario you set up for yourself or a team. 

Remember, we derive satisfaction from the feeling that we can influence our surroundings. We are born to create and to take pride in our creations. So using the IKEA effect isn’t something that difficult, it’s a natural way we already think. And after you get into the habit of using it, you’ll see more and more ways to get yourself moving with your DIY vision boards, or color coded notes. And as you work and sense a lag in your motivation, you’ll see more and more ways to inspire your mind back into action—with a little hands on interaction. 

I’m have the urge to dig out an Allen wrench and put something together right now. There must be something around here I can build. And I can’t wait to see what you build too. 

Next week, we’ll be talking about Analysis paralysis, a frustrating stage of planning where you sink so deep into the details that you can’t make yourself move forward into action. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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After more than a year of running on high alert and feeling the weight of tough daily headlines, is it really possible to just flip a switch now and get back to normal? 

Well, kind of. But after you go through any really hard time, you need a plan. The path forward will be a lot smoother after you have a clear understanding of what just happened in our minds and bodies. With a simple adjustment in how you plan for the next few months, your new normal can be better than ever. 

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

…

Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

…

Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

I like a nice, predictable routine most days. My favorite coffee cup, a quiet breakfast, and a familiar to-do list. Even if what I’m doing from day to day is slightly different, there’s a really comfortable, pattern to how I get my work done on the computer, on my house, and even on the break times when I’m reading or doing a creative side project. 

It’s funny but even when I travel, I have my travel routines that turn every single hotel room into my little personal home away from home. Our brains thrive on this predictable way of moving through our day because it gives us some control and that makes us feel safe. 

Don’t get me wrong, I also really like to get out and try new things, take some risks, see new places and do things that are all the way different from any normal pattern. There’s a thrill in that. I really love a good adventure!

But then, it feels every bit as good to sigh back into my routine at home. You know what I mean. We all do this same thing to some level because we are really good at forming habits. In fact, habits are good for us. They are like amazing little brain shortcuts. Here’s what I mean by that. 

Doing a thing over and over again in the same way creates a comfortable pathway in your brain. It’s a lot like if you walked the same way through the forest every day from your house to your grandmother’s house. Your feet create a path, and staying on the path is easier. If you wander off of it, the grass is tall, and picker bushes will pull at your clothes. You’ll have to walk around trees, duck under branches. Staying on the path is faster, cleaner, and takes less energy. And it’s safer, too. The tall grass could be hiding snakes, spiders, scorpions, even a wolf that could hurt or even eat you. 

Here’s another thing you may not have thought about. You’re less likely to get lost or sidetracked on the path. It takes you straight to your destination. Get the point. Forest paths save you a lot of time. And you may not have thought of it this way before, but so do the habit paths in our brain.

A habit is like our brain on autopilot. When we stay on the usual path, we won’t get side tracked, or waste a lot of time thinking of new ways to do something. You get out of bed, slip on the same robe, reach in the same spot in the cabinet for the coffee, that you put in your same mug. Measure the oatmeal without having to think about any of this. 

In fact you can carry on an entirely different thought process about the day ahead or about the news show you’re listening too or TikTok videos or whatever, WHILE you’re doing your morning routine, because you barely have to think about any of it. You can just let your day flow, down the well-used predictable path in your brain. 

That’s what I mean today by habits. Your daily routine is really a series of habits. And they’re all handled on a sort of partial auto pilot so we burn up less energy. 

But what happens when this system is interrupted? 

In our forest example, normal was the way you walked every single day to grandma’s house. The path may have been really crooked at the base of that one hill, but you were fine with that, in fact you did that on purpose to avoid that cave where the rattle snakes live. But then, one spring a horrible flood meant you now have to walk an extra mile to find a safe place to cross the river. 

After a while, you get used to the new route. The grass is worn down, it’s safe, you don’t have to think about where to go because it’s a new path. But you don’t like going that extra mile, so the second the water recedes, you’re back on that old path. Maybe you have to knock down some briar bushes that started growing in your path, or move some rocks that washed into that low spot, but returning to normal isn’t difficult, you’re back on that old path and happy in no time. What a relief!

That’s what getting back to normal means most of the time in our lives. 

But what happens when instead of a spring flood, or instead of a quick business trip or vacation. What happens when every single part of your normal life is turned upside down. When all your routines—your habits—are disrupted at once for an extended period of time. 

When a long illness, death, divorce, or maybe a global pandemic pulls the rug right out from under you. So you no longer have a daily commute or a school drop off or whatever part of your world went topsy turvy. When you have to do absolutely everything differently during a wild transition time. How do you gently return to the way things were before?

After the dust has settled, or the vaccines have been distributed, is it really possible to just flip a switch and go back to normal? Can you find your way back to that original, comfortable old routine that served you so well for so long before you went through this hard time?  

Well, kinda. But probably not in exactly the way you’re thinking. The good news is though, if you know what to expect and set up a few simple ways to reframe what normal means to you, then you can move from the topsy-turvy mess of a really hard time directly into the new, more promising routine of tomorrow. And that’s what we’re going to plan today. 

Let’s start with this idea of normal, which is hard to define, but I think we can get pretty close to a definition for our purposes today. Normal is just the   of what your ordinary routine felt like on a good day. Before you were tossed into some alternate reality but a tough time. 

Think back to that routine now, and about how that became the way you did things in the first place. It was custom made by you for you. Your habits were the result of a million different things that happened in your life. Things you tried and liked, like a mocha latte and strawberry yogurt, and things you tried and didn’t like, maybe expresso and avocado toast. It was created by your job requirements and family expectations, too. 

Your work and family life had a pattern to them back in normal times. Staying on your usual path was connected to your perception of safety, from financial safety to physical safety. And every single move you made to maintain these patterns, to even create your path in the first place, was all driven by things that happened in your life from childhood to adulthood. The good and the bad. (These things never fully disappear—and thank goodness they don’t because they make you YOU.) 

This is super easy to follow so far, right? You created and had some measure of control over your normal life pattern and habits. The ones you want to get back to. But this is where things start to get complicated. 

If you look back a few years, it’s obviously that this normal routine hasn’t stayed 100% consistent. There are changes now and then over time. Maybe you went through a weird phase where you used to have peanut butter toast every morning. Or—even weirder—you used to hate coffee. Maybe you worked a night shift. You used to live in a bigger city, or a rural middle-of-nowhere spot. You’ve gone through changes before. And slowly, over time, you wore a new path and created new habits.

And because you’ve gone through changes in your schedule before, you feel like this time should be similar. You’re resilient. You shouldn’t struggle with finding your way back to normal. And if you’re not prepared for how different things will feel when you’re looking for normal after you go through a major hard time, it will really throw you for a loop.

Here’s why this time it feels so much different. Because this time, when you have a major life event, all your routines are disrupted at once. Everything feels off and uncomfortable. Everything feels more difficult. And that’s not just a feeling. Everything IS more difficult. 

You don’t have a brain autopilot for any of the things you’re doing. So you have to think a lot harder, make some mistakes, go back and do over. Now we’re always doing that in some parts of our lives, of course, but when the most basic parts of our life that we always did on autopilot have to be created from scratch, we are essentially blazing brand new trails through a wild forest. 

And that means we are burning a lot more energy to get through what look like simple tasks, just because the way we’re doing the tasks is new to us. We need all of our mind and body engaged to get each thing done. 

That’s one of the reasons you feel more tired when you have changes to your routines. You’re actually working harder. And even if it seems like there are only small things changed in your routine, that energy expenditure for all those little things really ads up. 

We all really felt this a few weeks into COVID lockdowns. After we realized it wasn’t just a temporary exciting change from our schedules. And we feel it after an extended illness, divorce or death too. It’s a fatigue that zaps us and makes us feel weak and we’re usually pretty hard on ourselves for that. But if you think of it in terms of that forest path, you wouldn’t be hard on yourself if it took you longer to get to grandma’s house on a day when your path was blocked and you unexpectedly had to make your way through the tall grass, picker bushes, and trees. You’d expect to be more tired. And if a big bad wolf chased you part of the way, you would cut yourself some slack for the fatigue after you settled in at Grandma’s house. 

The same is true with any kind of really life changing tough time we go through. It isn’t just the routines that change. Toss in some danger, like a scary illness, or financial trouble, or a doubled work load because you’re home schooling kids while working from home, and you can see how justifiable this fatigue really is. 

You’re creating new habits. New routine. You’re blazing new trails, and whether that’s with a machete or a new breakfast spread, it’s going to burn up a lot of extra energy, and you’re going to feel that. 

Let’s take a short break, then we’ll take a hard look at how to get back to normal.

. . .

I want you to stop and think for a minute about how great it would feel if you could have an idea for a project and then easily just start doing it. Pick up the pen or the hammer. Build the website or hang a sign over your door. Just get moving and do it. 

Why is that so hard, just taking that first step? Why do we end up so paralyzed that most of our ideas land in the “someday” folder.

That’s what my free “Get Unstuck” Challenge is all about. 

I’ve done a lot of things in my life that are really big. I’ve published eight books, built a career writing software, a public speaking business, and I built an entire house with my kids by watching YouTube videos. 

But this challenge right here, this is one of the most important things I’m doing. Because I know how frustrating it is to really want a better life. To maybe even have an exact idea of what you want to do. And to just feel too stuck or too burned out to get there. 

And I know too that it’s possible for you to do what I did. To overcome that feeling of being stuck. It’s 100% possible for you to overcome that stuck feeling and to build exactly the life you want. 

I’ll take you step by step with a series of four video challenges. And at the end you’ll be ready to finally get started on your big project. 

Go to Cara Brookins.com and click on “get unstuck” to sign up for this free Get Unstuck challenge. 

. . .

We’ve talked a lot today about how we set up new routines, but wait, aren’t we talking about how to get back to normal—our old routines—about how to go back to that after that tough time is OVER. Well, yes, but it’s actually almost the same thing, at least from a psychological standpoint. 

Because when you go through a really hard time that affects all of your routines and schedule, you establish new habits. You may not like them, and you tell yourself they’re only temporary—you know that from a logical standpoint, but the part of your brain that is running through these routines on autopilot doesn’t know that.

 That part of your brain is just doing its job making sure you use as little energy as possible, and automating the repetitive things so you can focus your brain on more important things. The part of your brain that manages these habit paths is as comfortable on the new path as it was on the old one as soon as it’s all worn in and well known. Uh oh. 

So what do you think happens when all of a sudden it’s time to get back to normal, and you just wake up one day and set off on normal old path? You guessed it. 

Your brain says, nope. Nah-uh. That path is all overgrown now it would take more work to go down that old one than the new one. More brain work, I mean. Because the old normal is probably easier in a lot of ways. But when we’re talking the straight-up opinion of your habit-forming brain. It always, always, prefers to stick with the routine you’re doing rt now. Even when that isn’t what the more logical parts of your brain want at all. 

So when you start trying to go back to normal and you feel this resistance, your brain fights you a little bit, and you’re fatigued and irritable and everything feels off, the tendency is just to be really down on yourself. 

After all, you’ve been saying for a long time that you’ll be so happy when you can just do the normal things again. You’ll never complain again. You’ll just be riding on a wave of euphoria. But what’s actually likely to happen when you get back on a normal work schedule, and the kids are on a normal school schedule, and you’re home for breakfast again or whatever your routine is, what’s actually likely to happen is that instead of just being happy all day, you’re probably going to feel extra tired, and unfocused. Maybe a little disoriented, and that’s frustrating because you expect it to just feel good. 

When people don’t understand why they feel this way, this can turn into outright depression.

But now that you know what’s actually happening in your head, you can make room for this as you return to normal. Especially because the toughest of tough times mean that at least some part of your life has changed for good. 

Give yourself credit for how much work is taking place behind the scenes. For what’s happening to your brain and body. Because when it comes right down to it, for your habit forming brain, it doesn’t matter if the changes, the new path is because of something good or something bad. Even when you’re returning to what you call normal, there’s a sensation that a rug’s been pulled out from under you. That you’ve been shoved into a rough part of the wilderness and you have to blaze new trails to get back on track again. 

This means that the hard time you’re coming out of right now, the divorce papers are signed, or your job is restarting after COVID, or you’ve moved past the stand-still stage of grief. No matter what the hard thing is, when we have this serge of Euphoria for getting back to normal, we can get it all wrong if we don’t take a look at what’s actually happening in your brain through all of this. 

Difficult times affect us on a neurobiological level. Every part of your mind and body have some effects from a time of chaos and stress. That was true when your ancient cave brothers and sisters when through a terrible year of famine and drought and were finally headed out to hunt again, and it’s true for you today. 

Your super stressful stage caused a heightened state of arousal and it lasted for a long time. You probably experienced all sorts of things, like trouble sleeping, irritability. Increase in stress habits like drinking, smoking and eating things you know are bad for you. Those were all ways that you dealt with the way your system was chronically dialed up because everything was so unpredictable. 

Those new coping techniques take a while to toss out the window too. Start replacing them with better habits. And give yourself time to really wear them into a path for your new routine. 

So here’s the bottom line.  Here’s how I get back to a new-normal routine after going through a tough time. I take the time to lay out exactly what I want that routine to look like in detail. Because if you just expect your body and mind to somehow naturally fall into the best and healthiest routine, you’ll be disappointed every time. That is just not how we work. This thing we call ‘normal’ is just like absolutely everything in life, you have to set a goal for it if you want to hit it. 

Know what the target is so you can celebrate it on the days you have it right. Chances are, it won’t be 100% back to the old path you used to travel. That’s almost never possible. The landscape has changed. And remember your routine before this tough time was a result of all the things that happened to you up until that point. And that means, it’s inevitable that your new routine will have some new elements added or subtracted depending on what you’ve just been through. 

Your understanding of things has changed a lot. You’ve learned a lot. You’ve improved in a lot of personal ways. And the good news is, you get to take all of that forward with you. And these things will make your life better than ever. 

Set your daily schedule goal. Draw it out. Design your routine. On paper or through a productivity or scheduling app, or whatever feels like it fits in your life. Map out the best path through the forest of your life, and get moving. 

Imagine how amazing your new normal will feel. And as we all return to some of our favorite old normal and bring even better things to the table, imagine how much better our collective world can be. Let’s all maximize the good stuff and leave the bad parts behind. 

Cheers to our new normal! 

And make sure you come right back here next week for a really fun episode called putting your life together, the IKEA way.

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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Motivation isn’t some rare butterfly that we have to capture in a net, it’s a thing we can create inside ourselves. And because motivation builds motivation, you can start by creating just a little bit and it will keep growing until it adds up to all the motivation you need to do something big. I know the hardest step is the first one, so this episode is all about how to begin.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

I used to think that if you set the right goal, motivation would just come with it, like a pre-packaged two-for-one combo. If I just picked the right goal, it would come with all the motivation I needed to reach it. But what happens when you set a goal that you really, really need or want to reach, and the motivation doesn’t show up? Building motivation can be a skill of its own, And fortunately, our brain is perfectly set up to create an endless supply. Best of all, it’s pretty easy to set this machine in motion. So, you want to learn how?

Let’s go.

First of all, the things that motivate all of us are very similar. Just like we all liked candy as a kid because our bodies and brains like sugar.  And the way we all liked to play the same types of games on the playground or around the game table.

When my kids were little, we played the board game Candyland about 7,000 times. Per week. They loved this game. Actually, I played it with MY mom and brother too. I don’t know if my mom played it when she was little, but it’s been around since the year my mom was born, 1949. Obviously, there’s something about this game that just works. Let’s take a closer look at what that is.

Honestly, there really isn’t much to the game. The board is a path of bright colored squares and a handful of places all with a candy theme and characters that have candy names.  (Princess Lolly, Mr Mint, Grandma Nut and more like that) That’s why it’s CandyLand. It’s all about candy. 

To play, you pick up a card with a color on it—you don’t have to count or read or anything. Just move your little guy to that color on the path. And sometimes instead of a color, your card will have one of the candy places or characters. So that’s the best part.

Winning is straight forward too, the first one to reach the big castle at the end of the path, wins and hangs out there with King Candy. His arms wide to welcome you. And let’s note here that this part of the game is super important. The kids have to understand what the goal is. Why they are drawing cards and moving down this path. It’s not a circle. You don’t just keep moving around and around. No one would play if that’s what you did. There has to be a goal.

My kids loved this game so much that the little cards with candy characters on them were bent and worn out, partly because the kids occasionally licked them—just to test if the candy was real this time around. Anyhow, it’s very bright and cheery and sugar themed. No real question why kids love this game, is there.

But there’s actually more to this than pure candy love. This little game is set up to work with the way our brain creates motivation. A little trickle to begin with and then because motivation builds motivation, a steady flow of stronger motivation until we reach the goal—the candy castle.

It’s such a powerful motivation chain that when you finish a game and reach King Candy at the top, guess what happens? The kids scream: AGAIN! Let’s do it AGAIN! Because their little brains weren’t kicking and screaming and being pulled through the motivational process . Their brains, and our brains, actually love this stuff, this process of building motivation. We like to go through this process of building motivation over and over and over again. That’s excellent news, isn’t it.

What we want to create, is the same motivation for our goals today. The equivalent of running into our work day with the same level of enthusiasm my kids had running to the game closet. 

We want to enjoy the cards we draw, those steps along the way, so much that we’re tempted to lick them—you know metaphorically, not actually. Unless your goal is to be a candy maker. Then lick away.

When you finally succeed and reach the end of your goal? You should want to repeat the process of setting & reaching goals with enough excitement and enthusiasm that you immediately pin your next big goal to the wall and scream AGAIN! Let’s do it AGAIN!

And what I’m telling you today, is that this is 100% possible. In fact, it’s not just possible, it’s how it’s meant to be. It’s supposed to be like this. Life and your journey toward every big goal you set for yourself is meant to feel good, not bad. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. But it doesn’t have to be easy to feel good. We all have an example of when this is true, when even really hard work felt good because you were doing something you love.

But what we don’t always know how to do—but you’re going to learn today—is one way to intentionally set up that situation where you feel good about doing the work.

So let’s talk about how to build motivation. Which is pretty simple. I mean, if little kids can get the hang of this process with Princess Lolly and Lord Licorice, so can you.

The most important step in building motivation is to know what your big goal is. In Candyland, it’s getting to King Candy at the end of the path first. When I was building my house, it was finishing the house before the bank deadline. Setting up and completely understanding what that thing is that you really want at the end is essential. It’s non negotiable in this process. You can’t run in circles trying to build up motivation and then figure out what goal you’re going to set. The goal has to come first.

BUT,  Listen up: don’t get discouraged after you set your goal, that a mountain of motivation doesn’t automatically fall from the sky and land in your lap. Don’t even try to deny it, you expected that to happen. We all have. We’ve all had the idea before that if we just hit on the right goal we’ll know it’s meant to be just based on the amount of motivation we feel—like, by magic. But that’s not how it really works most of the time. Just stick with me though, the motivation is going to come. Because we’re going to build it.

That motivation, by the way, isn’t just a word, or a feeling, it’s an actual thing, a chemical in your brain. A thing that can be measured. I’m telling you that not because I want to get really clinical or scientific about this, but because it’s important to understand that what we’re doing is a real, measurable scientific process. And knowing that the thing we’re creating is REAL, changes the way we approach it. This chemical we’re after is called dopamine. And there are a lot of ways to get your brain to produce it. We’ll set up several of them for you today so you can see immediate results and motivation. And we’ll start at the very beginning of your day.

Because motivation feeds motivation, it can double and triple itself. So if you can get this process started the second you open your eyes in the morning, it will build and compound on itself all day long. Start out by setting up a motivational pull, to get yourself out of bed.

I know this sounds small, but it works. And I want you to do this even if you’re thinking “I drag myself out of bed just fine right now, thank you.” Because what we’re going for is a lot more than just getting you out of bed, what we want, is that action to come with a brain release of dopamine, followed by another, and then another. We want a chain reaction of this stuff to keep building bigger motivation all day long.

A quick warning, what I’m gonna to tell you to do is going to feel like a weird trick at first. You might even feel like arguing with me a little. BUT DON’T. This is a very successful and proven way to kick start your motivation. You won’t have to keep doing the basic things like this forever. But think of it like when you first learn to play a musical instrument, or a sport. You have to go over and over and over the basic scales & steps at a basic level, to just train your mind and body to do the thing. You won’t always have to start your day this way, but if you do right now, for a little while, you’re going to set yourself up for incredible success. So here we go. Here are some of the things you can start with:

Get an automatic coffee maker that starts before your alarm. When you smell the coffee after your alarm goes off, you aren’t just getting out of bed you’re doing it with a smile. And here’s the important part:

That smile comes with a tiny dose of dopamine that’s released in your brain. Maybe coffee isn’t your thing (you monster) Then instead, buy some luxurious cologne or shaving equipment. Or buy a robe, slippers, or fuzzy socks that you absolutely love, something decadent, but only let yourself wear this when you first wake up. Your alarm goes off, you see the slippers set up next to your bed and can’t wait to slip your feet into them. But, just for an hour. You can’t wear these all day. Even on the weekend. One hour, then they go back by your bed to pull you forward tomorrow.

This feels like a cheesy gimmick. I get it. But it’s a really amazing system that is built in to our brains already. Think of your motivation level through your day like a really tall ladder. Every little motivational trick you do will launch you a step up that ladder. And the earlier in the day you start up the ladder, the further along you’ll be by the end of the day. Do you see how amazingly this works?

After you get the hang of this, your motivation from one day of starting right off with a great step, will build up so much motivation that it carries over to help you start the next day with a little boost up the ladder, so you’re starting a step or two up.

This right here is why some people look like they’re naturally motivated or to ‘just wake up that way’ it’s not some magic thing anyone is born with, it’s a system, an engine, and you can fire up your motivation engine just like all the other super motivated people out there.

Before we dig into more details, we’re going to take a short break.

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

. . .

And now, back to the show.

The game of Candyland starts out with every player standing up at the start of the path. And of course that goal at the end. But if that was it. If it just had a path of colored squares the kids would maybe play it once through just to try to land on their favorite color or something. But what really keeps them engaged and then makes them want to do it again—which is the actual definition of motivation, we have to call that out. What does that is the promise of little sweat treats along the way.

Yes, it’s those candy characters and candy places. The ice cream sea and the gumdrop mountains. Every time you land on or even near one of these, you imagine doing things like licking the tall candy cane trees in a peppermint forest. And just imagining the sugar rush gives you a shot of dopamine. Not even real candy, just pretend candy, is powerful enough to set this system in motion.

And because we already know that motivation builds motivation, this lifts kids up their little ladder of motivation. Until they reach the top, and are all pumped up and want to do it all over again. Dopamine is a reward system in your brain. It’s what pulls us forward. It’s at the heart of your motivation, and it’s this easy to use it to create a system that will increase your motivation level from the start of the day to each of the little sweet spots along the way. 

If kids can get the hang of using this system, so can you.

Remember how I said we played Candyland 7,000 times per week? Just to clarify, that was not my idea, that was my kids’ idea—and the reason they kept coming back for more is because motivation feels good. Motivation doesn’t feel like hard work—even if you are working hard at something. Dopamine is a chemical in your brain that feels good. And this isn’t the only way to get it to appear. But it’s by far one of the easiest ways to get it to appear. 

As kids get older and try more things independently, they will also build on this system in other ways naturally. Even things like successfully writing their name or finishing their chores will give them a little dopamine. Unfortunately, so will finishing a level in a video game, but that’s actually a topic for a whole other show.

Another way to think of this is maybe if you think of dopamine like a little guy in your head who hands you a hundred dollar bill every time you make a move in the right direction, whether that’s getting out of bed or signing the lease for your new office, or teaching your son to drive, or whatever the next step is that you need to get done for your project is. Every step in the right direction, a 100 dollar bill lands in your hand. If you think of it that way, you can really understand why it feels good, and why it gives you the incentive to get to the next level, and the next, for the next 100 dollar bill.

To our brain and body, dopamine is a stream of 100 dollar bills and our brain and body wants us to just keep them coming.

And while kids get locked into a single game as an easy and cheap source of motivation, that’s just because they don’t understand it yet the way you do. You can be a lot more targeted. You can get a lot better at aiming your motivation directly at a bigger more impressive and possibly life changing goals.

Don’t worry about coming up with coffee maker style tricks all day long for the rest of your life though. That’s just not necessary. Of course your whole day and life isn’t going to be built with manufactured tricks like fuzzy slippers to create motivation. Because it doesn’t need to be.

Once your brain gets a few doses of this chemical, dopamine, it will keep seeking out ways to get more—all by itself. So you will keep finding successes naturally, and you’ll gravitate to projects that you enjoy both starting & completing. Because you can see the larger picture of how they are getting you closer to that goal. Each one will build more opportunities for success. And we all need more of that, don’t we.

What you’re doing is you’re helping your brain form a habit. And if you keep doing that, your desire to get up and moving on your project will become more and more automatic. Because your brain will associate every step closer to that goal with a reward of dopamine so you are creating a loop of your brain wanting and expecting this reward so it seeks out new ways of fulfilling this expectation on its own. Eventually without you setting up the intentional triggers.

Of course, anytime you feel your motivation lagging, you can always go back to setting up things like this.  And especially throughout the day if you notice that your energy falls at a particular time, like after lunch. You don’t have to use food or clothes, you can use work tasks that you enjoy more and give you easy wins. You can clean up some clutter right after lunch so your space feels better.

Whatever the thing is that gives your brain a little push of dopamine for motivation. Experiment with this. And get ready to be creative. Because no matter how much you love a thing, your brain will get used to it and say, “what that old robe? Whatever. Not worth it—I”m hitting snooze.” And you’ll have to switch up the routine to keep surprising your brain into a dopamine release.

I’m pretty easily delighted. I mean, I can find a lot of things that I enjoy so much that they will pull me through the day. So when I feel like things are lagging, I place those things in strategic locations. Sometimes it’s a mug of cocoa, but only after I clean out my email. Or maybe it’s an afternoon walk on a gorgeous spring day, but only after I do the laundry or rehearse my next presentation. You get the idea. It’s a process, but you’re definitely up for this. The rewards are incredible.

Here’s the thing. You know people who have a lot more motivation than you do. And you want to have that level of motivation and achieve things at the level they are. Keep that goal in mind. That high level of motivation is your goal. This is your chance to build that motivation in yourself. And the first steps are so easy. I’ll keep talking about motivation and especially maintaining motivation, in other episodes. So get this step down and you’ll be ready to continue the conversation and excited about your process as we go. Sound like a plan?

You’re going to love the results. And the best part of this particular process, is that you also get to love the journey. Motivation is fun—Just ask my soggy Candyland cards. And when we get a whole pile of us all around the world putting these ideas into practice, imagine the ways we’re going to change the world together? Our personal small world with our family, our house and career, and also the larger world, because there is no holding this back. As motivation builds, you’ll find ways to make your community better and even expand to projects that can change the world.

If changing your life isn’t motivating, I don’t know what is.

Now I’ve got to go see if we have any lemon drops in the pantry. Because I have a candy craving. Next week, I’ll be right here chatting about what it means to get back to normal after going through any kind of a tough time.

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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BACK TO PODCAST PAGE

Our brains have a hard time letting go of things. It’s why things pile up in our garages and attics— and it’s called loss aversion. This is why we have trouble parting with money for a risky investment, and it even affects how we change jobs and relationships. But once we understand the principles behind how our brain sees loss, we can use them to drive our life decisions directly toward our biggest goals and dreams.

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

…

Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

We’re talking about your favorite pizza toppings today. That’s right, pizza and losing things. And besides making you hungry, this pizza discussion will help you reach goals and let go of some clutter you didn’t need anyhow. Are you ready? 

I have wasted a lot of time and space in my life by holding on to things that I don’t need, even some things that I barely even like. Sometimes I hold on to things even if letting them go would give me something even better. Why do I do this? Because letting go is hard. It’s hard for me, and for all of us, because our brains are wired to hold on to things. 

This was a really great personality trait back in the caveman days when there wasn’t much stuff and it was important to hold on to things, but now we live in a time with so much stuff, it’s a problem. 

That’s right, in both life, and in pizza, this mindset is not serving us well. We’ll get to the letting go details of this idea in a minute, but first let’s talk about the pizza.

You’re going to like this part. 

There’s this really simple study about how we see loss that’s based on a pizza experiment. People were asked to order a pizza in one of two ways. Half ordered by starting with a plain pizza and adding toppings, and the other half  started with a loaded up pizza and removed toppings. Okay? So you’re either building your perfect pizza from scratch, or removing things from an everything pizza. But either way, you get to decide what’s on and what’s off, and you’ll end up with your perfect pizza. And in both cases each topping costs the same amount. So more toppings equals a more expensive pizza in both cases. For all intents and purposes, everything is equal. 

Now it seems like, just logically, you would end up with the same pizza no matter which way you start. Right? My perfect pizza is my perfect pizza. You’re probably thinking: I’m not going to change what I like based on wether I’m adding or subtracting stuff. But, if that’s what you’re thinking, you’re wrong.

Because it turns out, when you start with a whole lotta toppings on your pizza, you don’t like letting them go. Your brain takes ownership of those toppings and taking them off the pizza will actually give you a sense of loss. And our brain doesn’t like loss. You had the pepperoni right there on your pizza, and keeping it feels a lot better than losing it. It’s a little strange to think of loss in the same sentence as pepperoni or mushrooms, but you can understand that letting go of things is hard because we’ve all felt that sense of hesitation over losses of all sizes. Here’s where it starts getting really weird though.

When you start with that loaded up, everything pizza, letting go of things is so hard that you will end up keeping toppings on your pizza that you don’t like all that much. Things you would never intentionally put on your pizza when you were building it from scratch. Isn’t that bizarre? So for example if we’re talking about ham, even if you’re the type of person who wouldn’t add ham in your top five favorite pizzas built from scratch, you would be pretty likely to leave ham on the pizza if it started there on the everything pizza. Think about that for a minute.

You can have whatever kind of pizza you want in this experiment. You’re not sharing with someone who likes things you don’t. This is YOUR perfect pizza. And it’s less expensive to take the things off your pizza that you don’t want on there. So why in the world would anyone leave things on there and eat things they don’t care for and pay more to do it?

It’s because we can’t help ourselves when it comes to holding onto stuff. Seriously. Our brains have a very, very strong negative feeling about losing things. We just don’t like to let go of stuff that belongs to us. It’s why our attics and basements are full, it’s the reason we hesitate to part with our money in risky investments, and it’s why the more toppings you start with on your pizza the more you’ll end up with in the end. The whole idea sounds a little silly, but it isn’t.

Because this idea actually shows us how our minds have evolved to work, and understanding what’s happening in your head can change how you react to everything from pepperoni to your next life-changing project.

Now, the fact that losing stuff in life hurts is no real surprise. We know and expect that. Lose a $100 bill on a walk? Ouch. Lose an apartment, or an account at work, and that hurts. But what may surprise you is that you have to gain at least   lost in order to overcome the loss. That’s right, losses hurt about twice as much as gains make you feel good. So on a small scale, well let’s go back to the pizza experiment.

Every topping you add to your pizza feels good. But on the other hand, every topping you lose feels twice as bad. And this feeling, even with something as insignificant as pizza, is powerful enough to affect our choices. Powerful enough to get you to eat something on your pizza that you don’t really like. And that’s something that’s really hard to do—ask any mom. This is technically called loss aversion, and it also applies to bigger life decisions, and in more profound ways. Here’s how it effects the types of goals we make. 

We hold onto our jobs, houses, and relationships even if they aren’t the jobs, houses, or relationships that are best for us. It’s so true. And I hear it all the time. I’ll ask someone to set a big career goal, like life-changing big, and they answer with a project they want to work on, or a promotion. Which is fine, in fact it could be a great goal, but what happens way too often after my next questions isn’t great at all. 

I ask: Do you want to be working this job in 10 years? In 20 years? Allowing for advancement of course—but are you working in the career or for the company that you want to be with for a very long time? And guys, I have to tell you the answer most of the time isn’t good.

You say to me, I don’t really like this job or this company, but I would hate it a little less if I had this promotion or worked on this project. 

Apply the same question to your relationship, your living situation, or any part of your life where you set big goals that will have a huge impact on your life. Are you living in the city or the house you want to live in. Do you have friendships or relationships you want to have 20 years from now?

Well, you say, this relationship isn’t ideal, my friends are discouraging, but I’ve known them forever and I’m committed to sticking with them. Or I don’t love this city at all, I’d rather live in Denver, but if I renovated my house with a mountain theme I’d like it a little more. Can you see what’s going on here? 

Of course you can. All these things, the job, relationship and location are all the things on our life everything pizza. And whether we like them or not, we’d rather keep them where they are than feel a sense of loss by removing them from our lives. Because we’d have to feel like we gained at least twice as much to make up the difference, and a gain like that isn’t instant. A gain would take time and maybe not happen at all so it feels risky. So instead of trying something new, we stay stuck where we are. That kind of stings doesn’t it. But we don’t usually see it that way. Because we usually tell ourselves a little fib.

We say: This is just temporary. SOMEDAY I’ll do something different. Someday I’ll apply for that other job, move to my dream city, date the person of my dreams, develop more positive supportive friendships. I can’t do it right now because of x,y,z and sometimes w, but SOMEDAY I’m going to do something very, very different. Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the cold hard truth is: no you won’t. Because life is like a pizza. 

Statistics, and loss aversion, prove you are way more likely to just hold tight to all the stuff on your pizza rather than scraping any of it off. Even though if you did let go of the stuff you don’t even like (stuff that’s not serving your life or leading you to your biggest dreams and goals) if you let go of that stuff, you could instead have right in front of you, your very own perfect pizza. So let’s make that happen. It’s about time we change the statistics once and for all and live the life we want. Thankfully, it’s easier than you think. 

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

. . .

And now, back to the show. 

The trick is to put your time, energy and money where your goals are. Of course that means you have to really take the time to figure out what you want in life. I’m not talking about wishes or dreams but really declaring the things you want and are going to work to make happen. Goals. Targets. The big ones! So many people go through life waiting to see what happens to them or what opportunities might land in their lap without ever setting exact goals and just declaring what you’re going to go for in life, especially in the big areas that matter most. Not sure where you start with your life goals?

It honestly doesn’t have to be some complex thing. Just create a vision board, or a file with a list and photos of the life you want to live. Look at it often. Imagine exactly what it will be like when you have that life. Now this isn’t just something to look at. We can’t manifest things in into our life with our eyes, we have to work toward these goals. So that makes your goal list all about action. Every single time you consider taking a major life action, look hard at this vision board, wether it’s a physical board or a digital file, and make sure this action will lead you closer to one of the things on your board. Here’s an example.

You don’t really like your current job, but an opportunity comes up for a promotion. Getting more money for the job will make you feel a little better about it, even if it isn’t your dream job. Should you go for the promotion? At first glance it’s an easy way to feel a little bit better about life right now, and humans will take the easy-feel-better-now option every time UNLESS YOU ALREADY HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE.  And this is why setting your goals and looking at them often will help. Your next step is an easy decision when you have declared solid goals. Just ask yourself:

Will that higher position get you to your actual dream job? Or will it just take a lot of time and energy to get the promotion and perform in the higher level position? Hours you could instead spend going for the dream job? Once you have this measure to weigh your actions against, and you constantly check to make sure you’re on the right path, you develop a habit of always picking the option that gets you to your biggest goals. But wait, how does setting and reaffirming goals help with the whole loss aversion thing that had us keeping too many pizza toppings? The answer will make you do a happy dance because it all just falls into place. 

The secret is all about ownership. Remember we don’t like to lose things that we own. That is the definition of loss aversion. But when we are constantly focusing on all the things on that vision board or goal sheet—When we see our end goal as the dream job, or the mountaintop home in Denver, your brain sees THAT goal as the thing you own. That goal becomes the thing you don’t want to lose. So instead of sabotaging your goals by clinging to the junk you have right now even though you don’t really like it, your brain will be clinging to the big goal. See what this does? It directs your time, energy, and money toward the things you want most. 

This is another way that we can understand the way our brain already works, and use it. Because here’s the thing,

Life is short. And there’s just no reason at all to waste time working toward something we don’t even want, something that’s just marking time, staying in place, not getting you any closer to the things you want most in life. Don’t waste time on pizza toppings you don’t even like. 

Here’s a last thought experiment to really drive home how setting goals and loss aversion can work together. We’ll go back and apply this directly to our pizza study. 

If the two groups of people making pizzas were both asked to declare their perfect pizza the day before starting with a plain pizza or taking toppings off the everything pizza, what would happen? You declare your perfect pizza and then I hand you a high-def color picture of it with all the toppings you picked. At the top of every hour of the day before our experiment, you look at that picture. The melted cheese and all your favorite toppings. And you imagine what it’s like to bite into it. My mouth is actually watering, is yours? 

If we did this, every single person on both sides of this experiment would get exactly the pizza they had in their goal picture. Because that’s the one your brain owns. And getting anything else would feel like a loss. 

This may have sounded like a small step when we started today but you can see it will bring huge changes to the way you move through life. 

Declare your biggest goals. Share them with me on instagram. You can find me @CaraBrookins. Lock in the biggest things you’re going for in life. Share them with your friends and family. And then share a pizza, because, I mean, we can all work a little harder toward those goals on a full stomach. 

Make sure you put me on the calendar so we can meet up right here again next week to talk about the good side of boredom. That’s right, boredom can be good for you and you should do it on purpose. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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When we’re faced with a big problem we have no idea how to solve, we tend to drill down to very specific skills we already have that might solve it. But more often than not, we come up empty and give up. A better way to approach problems that are way outside your knowledge zone is to go broad. I have a simple tip that will very quickly get you a list of options. Because every problem is solvable when you use the right brainstorm strategy. 

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Sometimes when you have a really hard problem in front of you, the craziest idea that pops into you head is exactly the right solution. Like, for example, that time, silly string saved a bunch of lives. Stick around to hear how that happened, and how you can come up with crazy-good ideas to your big problems too. 

I’ve had to figure out how to fix some really big problems over the past year with my business, my kids, my house. And a few of them really knocked me for a loop. You know what I mean. The kinds of problems that just left me scratching your head with no idea where to start. Because at first glance they look impossible. Well impossible for me with the money, or basic resources, or maybe the muscle I have available. 

Like this week when I was doing some yard work and I decided it was time to move a big piece of metal that’s been just sitting along the fence for way too long now. It’s like 20ft long and flat and weighs maybe 400-500 lbs. I originally thought I was going to use it for a project, but then after I decided I wasn’t, I just left it there because I honestly can’t move it. It’s too big and heavy. 

I have zero ideas how to move this thing. 

So I called Roman outside, my youngest son who’s 15 now, and I asked him to help me come up with ideas. We have to move it about 50 ft to our driveway to get rid of it. We both stared at it a while. Kicked it. Shook our heads over how massive and heavy it was. Wondered why in the world I ever thought it was a good idea to get this thing. Then Roman said he also had zero ideas. He said, “It’s impossible, we can’t do it.” 

And you know me. And you know those are fighting words. There’s no such thing as we can’t do it. Only we can’t do it—yet. We are definitely going to do this. We just have to figure out how. 

But Roman, after one quick look wanted to quit before we even got started. I’m not picking on him though. That’s actually the perfectly normal response most people have when something looks impossible. 

Because here’s what’s happening in our head: We immediately imagine the most common ways we move stuff. Lift or drag. Neither of those things are going to work with this heavy piece of metal. And when our brain realizes that, it’s next move is absolutely, completely useless. 

Our brain zooms right in to focuses really close up on those options, the things that we know how to do. In this case: lift or drag. But no matter how close we look, we get the same result. It’s impossible. So then the brain doubles down and goes again. How can I lift or drag this? How? I can’t. See what happens? You get stuck in this loop. And this is all happening in a few seconds of time. But after a few times through you say what Roman did: Nope, it’s not possible for us to do this. 

But it actually is possible. And the way to figure it out is to give your brain some space to figure it out. That zooming in to what you usually do just crowds out the potential for all your most creative ideas. Here’s how you create space instead.

You do this by taking a step back or zooming out for a broader view. I’ll give you a detailed step to do that in a sec, but first, you need to know this isn’t a new way of doing things. You did this exact step when you were a kid. That’s true of a lot of the brain based steps I talk about. Because back when we were kids we did what was more natural, we didn’t fight against our own brains. Somewhere along the way we didn’t understand how to use this brain function, it felt worthless or childish, so we tried to get rid of it. 

Oh, so this is a good time if you have any young kids around, it’s a perfect time to invite them to help you, exactly like I did with Roman. Ok, here’s the secret step to solve big problems. 

Ask yourself (and that kid if you’ve got one handy) to make a list 10 different ways to solve your problem. In my case, move that piece of heavy metal. There are no rules for this. None. Anything is possible. Any outrageous thing you can think of, put it on the list. Maybe you get on a roll and think of 15, that’s fine. But don’t let this become a form of procrastination. Watch for that. 

It shouldn’t turn into an excuse not to do the work because you’re busy making lists of how to do the work. Get a minimum of 10 things down. And more than half the time, just this exercise will spark an actual, doable idea, even though what you wrote down are these wild, over-the-top things. Because, I’m telling you, when you make some room for creativity, your brain takes off like a wildfire. It’s designed to work this way, and this is how it looks when you use it. 

Back to my backyard where I did this with Roman. His list included stuff like a helicopter lift, a factory conveyor belt, a water slide, the aliens who built the pyramids, and an elephant. Most of these will be pretty obviously unavailable to you. That doesn’t matter. Because making a list like this lights a little creativity fire in your brain that all by itself will branch out and light up new ideas. This isn’t an imaginary visual of a tree on fire, but what the neurons in your brain look like as they have this chain reaction of one idea lighting up another one.

And before you know it, one of the completely impossible things sparks something that will become your actual solution. 

For example, you probably don’t have an elephant, but maybe your neighbor has a horse. Or a four wheeler. Or tractor. Something with the same pulling power of a elephant. That wasn’t it for us. But a couple things Roman said sparked some possibilities. First, the pyramids. I know they used some complex levers and logs and things to move the big limestone rocks around in ways that people just deadlifting them never could have accomplished. But that wasn’t all.

Roman’s mention of factory conveyor belts, really sparked something. I mean, I didn’t have any of those. And it wasn’t realistic to get any. But what I did have, were a half dozen small round metal pipes. Not enough to make a conveyor belt, but we could get a couple of them under the metal piece and then as we rolled it just keep moving the one from the back to the front. And it would be, in a way, like a conveyor belt. 

I thought it would work. Roman thought it would work. So we rolled up our sleeves and we tried it. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy, because it was still a lot of work. But we did it. We moved the metal piece the 50 feet we needed to and now it’s been picked up and it’s gone. You know what it feels like?

It’s kind of like we did the impossible, and that feels really amazing. But, I promised you a higher stakes story than this. Something even more impressive. I promised you the life saving uses of silly string. This is a wild story, and you’re going to love it. 

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

. . .

And now, back to the show. 

In 2006, a new US. Soldier, a guy named Todd Shriver, sent to Iraq and went out on this mission where he had to face these really dangerous trip wires. Which are super thin wires stretched across doorways of buildings, and they’re booby trapped. So when anyone goes through the door, the wire triggers an explosive. They’re deadly, and they’re just about impossible to see. But this new soldier immediately got a tip from the veteran soldiers about the trick they used to find these hair-thin wires. And that trick was, a spray can of silly string. Pretty cool, right? 

They just spray the silly string from 10-12 feet away into a doorway and it hangs up on any wire, but it’s so light it doesn’t trip the booby trap. You can see how incredible this is for these soldiers. How much more quickly and safely they can carry on with their mission. All because someone took a minute to toss out the wildest ideas they could come up with, and one sparked a fire in the silly string part of their brain.

This is exactly the kind of outside-the-box idea that you can come up with when you step back and intentionally let creativity take up some space in your head. It takes a little practice to get back in the habit of listing even the silliest ideas, but it’s worth making the effort. And it gets easier every time. 

I can’t stress enough that you have to actually write down these ideas, especially in the beginning when you’re getting back into this habit. Because this gives your mind more time and more ownership of the idea so it sits in a spot in your mind long enough to spark something. Otherwise it’s like your lighting match sticks and tossing them onto the sidewalk at your feet. They will fizzle out and go nowhere. It’s a waste. And you don’t have time to waste. You have a big problem to solve, don’t you.

Remember, because ideas spark ideas, what you’re doing is setting off a chain reaction that is really likely to end with a solution. Even if sometimes that solution has to be enlisting another person or waiting for a while when circumstances are better. Which could have happened to Roman and me with that heavy piece of metal. 

Because what if it had just rained? Then the ground where I live would have been so soft that the poles would have sunk right into the mud instead of rolling on top like that conveyer belt. So sometimes your solution comes with some patience and challenges.

Even for those soldiers, silly string was an imperfect solution at first, because it wasn’t something the military provided them with. There is no military issue silly string. So it was hard to come by in places where they are doing these dangerous missions and also impossible to ship from the US by families because it’s an aerosol. But luckily, this new soldier, Todd, he did something that set a massive plan in action. 

He mentioned the silly string on a call to his mom. And Marcelle Shriver ,a 57 year old office manager, didn’t let the oddity or the complications of air lifting aerosols cans of this really weird item stop her from fixing this problem for her son. She went to work. 

First at her church—where she had people dropping cans of silly string in the donation baskets, by the way. And then she reached out direct to the company that made the silly string, and eventually for donations through national news stories. Within just a few months, she collected well over 100,000 cans of silly string. And then she found a pilot who would fly the supply over on a private flight and get it into the hands of the military. She made it look easy, didn’t she. 

But remember in the beginning, it looked as impossible to her as whatever problem you have in front of you. All you have to do, is make some space for the creativity, and be ready to roll with the solution. Done!

There’s no telling how many lives this soldier and his mom saved by running with this ‘silly’ idea. 

Let’s go back though and make sure you’ve got the process down. Because I want it to be super obvious how to get from your crazy list of flying lions to actual solutions. Most of the time, just going through the process of making the list gives me a solution. I don’t have to try hard to translate my list into something. But that’s partly because I’ve been using this strategy for years. And that’s really good news because it means it will get that easy for you too. But at first, you may have to work a little harder to get your brain back in this habit. So here’s what you can do. 

You have at least 10 ideas in front of you. Nothing earth shattering came at you, so give it a little time. Say the first solution out loud, and then visualize it. From start to finish what would it look like if that solution happened right now in front of you? Scribble a sketch of that in the margins if you’re a doodler. Can you see it? Really picture it. 

Next, think of a solution that’s similar, but more realistic and picture that. All the way through from start to finish. So if flying lions were going to move the metal for you according to list item one, now imagine a massive crane lifting it out instead. Still not a likely outcome probably, because crane’s are expensive. But maybe your brother has something that lifts car engines or your neighbor lifts cows. I don’t know if cow lifting, if that’s a thing, but you get the idea.

Do this for every item on your list until some real doable ideas are sparked. I’ve never in my life done this and come out the other side without a solution. It wasn’t always an instant solution, and it usually still meant a ton of really hard work, but I was able to solve the problem every time. 

I really can’t wait to hear how this works for you. It’s been a a game changer for me. And so often you’re going to find the thing that really makes a big difference for you is to stop taking yourself so seriously and to do some things that may at first feel a little silly or a little child like. And that’s because our brains were designed to use that type of thinking as part of an incredibly powerful innovation process. 

This is big stuff. And it’s going to make me so happy to see your wild lists and to see you out there barely pausing over massive problems, but just jumping right in with a strategy to solve them. Go over to instagram, I’m easy to find, just my name, Cara Brookins, and tag me with your crazy list. I want to help you celebrate the ways you solve your impossible problems. One solution at a time, we’re making your world, and the entire world a better place. 

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When you start to fall so far behind on your goals and deadlines that it feels too late for you to ever catch up, it’s time to take a closer look at where you’re selecting your heroes. We’re going to adjust your examples so you can let go of the stuff that’s outside your control and establish full focus to hit your targets. Whether you’re 8 or 89, it’s never too late to build the life you want, and I can help redirect your goals so you can get back on track.

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, this is where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

Sometimes it seems like other people are a lot more put together than I am with all the things they get done in a single day. Are there some hidden hours available to some of you? Because, whew. I just can’t keep up. Let’s talk today about comparing ourselves to each other and how we can do this is a constructive way. 

I hope your day is going well and that you feel caught up on everything. This is one of those days where I woke up feeling like I was behind on every big plan I’ve made. Sometimes, when I feel that way, it kind of charges me up and I work double time to get caught up. And other days, I feel so far behind that it doesn’t feel like it’s even worth trying to catch up. Does that sound familiar?

All the goals from last week, last month, maybe even last year and beyond just keep getting shoved forward and things way beyond your control keep you from getting any closer to them. You’re just stuck in some kind of hamster wheel and you can’t escape. 

This happened to my oldest daughter Hope on her last birthday. She felt this in the biggest way. Really, she had a little bit of a birthday breakdown and she said to me in this desperate voice, “I feel like I’m five years behind where I’m supposed to be.”

I felt so bad for her, because I knew how that felt. And I knew how hard she was working and just not getting the breaks she needed to see the progress she deserved. We’ve all been there at some point. You’re left wondering why you even bother setting goals in the first place?

Well, setting goals is a great practice, at least until you end up with a mountain of unmet ones piling up in the corner. Maybe it’s partially your fault. Maybe you could have tried harder. But a lot of times life just happens in unexpected ways and the goals or milestones we plan to hit, don’t happen. And that’s fine at first because we’re grown ups and we can deal with a bit of disappointment, as long as we still feel like these things will EVENTUALLY happen. Like we can play catch up. Maybe do a different goal now and do that other one later.

Just a little minor goal shuffling. But if the failures pile up really, really high, we start to feel exactly like hope did, and we have a birthday breakdown. 

It’s hard to even explain how unusual this is for Hope on her birthday, because Birthdays have always, always been her favorite thing in the whole world. You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. 

Our whole family jokes that Happy Birthday is basically her theme song. When she was a little girl growing up, she played ‘birthday’ constantly. It was like an endless and really extreme tea party that a kid will just NOT let go. A couple times a week we all gave in and wore homemade party hats decorated with glitter (that stuff always fell off and got in our eyes) We put birthday candles in everything from cheese cubes to tuna sandwiches. A little birthday candle wax makes everything taste better, right? It was never ending, all year round. 

Oh, and Hope’s actual birthday? Well, it was the most important day of her year. And she got the whole family involved in planning her party for MONTHS before her big day. Color scheme. Food display. Gift bags. I have made a LOT of piñatas. 

Well today, birthdays are still her thing. There’s less glitter at least, but she still follows a long list of—kinda weird—birthday rituals year after year.

You guys know people like this, people who plan ahead with a zillion details? 

I’m not one of those people—I guess I didn’t have to be because Hope was planning everything for me. She’s pretty extreme. And besides parties, she also planned every details and milestone  of her life to this same level. We’re talking month by month and year by year she laid out her future in her planners—the planners that she would get on a waiting list for in like July every year so she’d have the best new planner every January. I know. I know. It’s disgusting isn’t it!

But all of a sudden, last year, everything went haywire. Birthdays took on a whole new meaning for her. And it wasn’t good. Her birthday starting feeling like a reminder that she wasn’t where she thought she would be in life. She’d look at her planner and realize not only had she missed this year’s goal, but she hadn’t hit last year’s yet either. Cue the birthday tears. But instead of her little kid tears over a misplaced bag of perfectly pink balloons, she felt like she was misplacing whole years of her life. Until she reached that point of saying to me, “But mommy, I feel like I’m 5 years behind.”

Boom! It hit me hard. Because I knew exactly what she meant, and I felt that too. No, wait that didn’t sound right. I don’t mean I felt that HOPE was 5 years behind. I wasn’t agreeing with her. I just realized that I also had this nagging feeling like I was five years behind on all of the things I wanted to do. And it’s not because either one of us had been sitting around doing nothing. 

We’d both been working our tails off the entire time. My project list is full, you know that. I work really hard. I put in a lot of long hours seven days a week reaching for my goals. 

But here I was feeling behind just like Hope because there’s always more that I not only want to do, but more that I feel like I SHOULD do. Or even worse, things that I feel like I should have already finished. And once that feeling creeps in, it’s even harder to start. I mean, how do you build up enthusiasm and excitement to do something that’s really difficult, if you feel bad about it before you even start? Let me guess. you can’t. 

So the cycle continues. And before you know it you feel even more and more behind with less and less done every day and you start to feel stuck in place. Too paralyzed to make any move at all. This all feels really heavy. You feel weary. And you don’t know how to get out from under all of it. We’ve all been there. 

But hang on a minute. There’s something I’ve learned about you and me experiencing the same kinds of emotions like this. If we’re all feeling this way, then the problem is not with how much we are or aren’t accomplishing, it has something to do with the way our human brains process things. And do you know what that means? 

It means that once we understand what our mind is doing, we can find a way to use this to our advantage instead of using it as a hammer to beat ourselves up with. So what’s going on up there? 

Well, all humans naturally compare themselves to the humans around us. We do this to make sure we fit in. This goes back to our cave man and cave lady roots, because fitting in with the group was the only way you were going to survive against saber tooth cats and harsh weather. We needed to do things as well as the people around us in order to keep our spot around the cave fire. But here’s something really interesting. 

We make these comparisons in two directions, upward comparison, to see who is doing better than us—which motivates us to work harder. And downward comparisons to see who is doing worse than us and that boosts our self-worth, “At least I’m doing better than that guy.” And honestly, both of these are pretty positive things for us to do. Under normal circumstances, both result in us working harder and feeling good about ourselves. But is there anything normal about the way we all watch each other now on social media? 

Hardly! 

And that’s a problem. Our brain developed this way of looking at other people and making a social comparison and it was a really good thing—back in the cave man days, and really for a long time after that when we were looking at our family, friends, and neighbors. But now, when our comparison is every photoshopped and polished story on the internet, this kinda breaks the way this process was designed to work. Let’s break down how this goes wrong and what we can do to fix it. 

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

. . .

And now, back to the show. 

Imagine that you’re scrolling on social media and pause on a video of someone baking Christmas cookies. It’s a one-minute video with sneaky little cuts and time lapses that speed that timeline up until BAM, in one min flat they measured, mixed, chilled, rolled, cut, baked, and decorated the perfect cookies. The video cuts as they pass a plate of them to their neighbor.

And here you are. You haven’t baked your neighbor any cookies yet this year. In fact, you haven’t done that once in the five years you’ve lived here. You feel kinda bad. I mean, couldn’t you take one minute of your time to bake some cookies? 

Do you see where we’re going with this? I think you do. We’re measuring ourselves against an edited, filtered, photoshopped, and time lapsed version of someone else. 

It didn’t really take them one minute to make the cookies. They left out the trip to the store to buy ingredients, and pre-measuring everything into cute little cups. They cut out the baking, and the cooling, and mixing the frosting. They cut out the 75 other times they practiced making cookies. And the sheet they burned and threw away because the dog rolled in something dead and had to have an emergency bath. And they most definitely cut out doing the mountain of dishes. Most of reality is cut from that video. 

It’s tricky, but it’s not like they were out there trying to fool you. Or trying to make you feel bad. And the logical part of your brain KNOWS it took them longer. It KNOWS about the time lapse and cuts and practice. But, this type of social comparison we make is part of the old section of our brain and it never asks the logical part of the brain if this is really the full picture. It just makes a rapid comparison, and says, “Nope. Sorry, sweetheart. You don’t measure up. You’re behind. You’re going to lose that spot around the cave fire.” 

And suddenly you feel very, very alone. Like you’re not part of the group anymore. 

And these comparisons, they happen: All. Day. Long. 

Same thing with the five-minute video of rebuilding a motorcycle, engine and all. Or building an entire house. It really feels like other people are out there doing massive things in short order and you’re way behind. Oh, and don’t forget when the next video pops up of this girl who just launched her million dollar business—before her 13th birthday. 

And there you are. Feeling decades behind. How will you ever catch up? You can’t make up that kinda time. Not with all the demands you have on you. Not today. Not next month. Probably never, you tell yourself. Because it feels impossible when you feel like you missed the ideal time to start a blog or get that perfect location for your business or to do that thing way back when your body was in tip top shape. The more time we spend on social media and YouTube, the more we’re seeing all the ways that we’re not making the cut. And the worse we feel.

Sometimes feeling like you’re behind in life is the worst kind of feeling stuck. Because it feels helpless. Your calendar at 13 didn’t land you on American Idol or the cover of Forbes. You can’t go back and make that happen now, not without a time machine. So, it feels like no matter what you do, you’ll never catch up. 

It all really comes down to this: you’re comparing yourself to the wrong people. I’m not going to tell you to stop looking around to see where you fit, because that would be silly, your brain is literally built to do that and you will keep doing that. But remember the cave ladies and gents were looking directly at real people. So they could see that the guy who made the best spears this side of the forest spent 17 hours a day working on his spear craft and accomplished nothing else. He was a terrible cook and couldn’t hit the broad side of a brontosaurus with one of his fabulous spears. It was about specialization and talents. It was about the time put in to learn a thing. It was about being the best you on your own timeline. It was about that then—and it’s about that now. 

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. It’s never too late to build what you want to build. 

Never. It’s never too late to build what you want to build. 

All you have to do is get up right now and start putting in the time and focus on one big project. Stop comparing yourself to a tiny moment that someone else shares. And instead, focus on the full picture of that one big project that you’re doing right now. Look at your actions and make sure they’re big enough to hit your goal. Life moves in one direction only, straight ahead, forward, in a straight timeline. It always has and it always will. And the only thing you have to do to keep your life moving in that direction, is to focus forward, directly on your goal and get moving. One step. Then another. That’s how you get unstuck. And this is a lot easier than you probably think it will be. 

You hear stories all the time of people who one day just finally started that big, life-changing project. Of even people who are a lot older than you are right now rediscovering themselves with a second career, a new life passion at 80 or 90 years old even. They prove that you’re never so far behind that you should give up. And did you know there is one common thread in all of those stories? It’s true. 

People who are making big things happen at ANY age aren’t making their social comparisons on social media. They get out in the world and connect with people to get a full view of a project’s scope. People who take on big projects are people who keep looking straight ahead at their goal. They keep doing things and trying things. And every single step of their project takes them closer to their target. 

This is not a dress rehearsal my friend. This is your one real life. The big projects and ideas aren’t going to magically happen for you. They aren’t going to happen when they ‘should’ happen. They are going to happen when you make them happen. It’s never too late to build the big thing that you want to build, but you have to go out there and get it. You have to start building. You can’t just wait for the one day when it’s all perfectly right and all the things will miraculously slide into place. That’s not reality.

If you feel like you should be somewhere different, somewhere further ahead on your path than you are right now, then today is the day you do a full evaluation. First, let go of the things that you can’t control. Those goals or milestones you haven’t hit and have no control over whatsoever. And then, immediately start moving in a real and intentional way toward a goal that you do have control over.   

Now I’ve talked before about when you’re stuck and overwhelmed because of your day-to-day tasks have piled so high you don’t have time for anything but just getting through the day. And I actually created a quick, free #PowerDay to help you get unstuck. If that’s where you are right now and you need help getting unstuck you can go listen to my #PowerDay episode, it’s episode #6 and go download the free #PowerDay guide on carabrookins.com/powerday. 

But if you’re caught up-ish on your day-to-day stuff and you still feeling stuck, then there’s a problem with where you’re looking. The modern world has played havoc with this way your brain was set up to survive in a primitive world. Use that brain feature more effectively by connecting with the real people doing the real thing so you can get the full picture. The people who are already living the way you want to be living can serve as your mentors. Let them be the fuel that drives you, that sparks the thought: if they can do it, so can I. I’m next. 

Leave the stuff you can’t control behind. Look straight ahead. Focus on the goal. 

Don’t let another birthday pass by with you feeling even further behind. Because it’s never too late. 

Think about what it will feel like when you hit that target. When you’re living the life you imagined. When you’re working the thing you love most. Think about the end game, and that makes every step worth it. The first step, the easy steps later on, and even the difficult steps. It’s worth it. 

So whether you’re 8 or 82, it’s not too late. You can still do your big project. In fact, you still have time to do another big project after that. There is still time. So, don’t waste another day. Decide what project you want to start and then do it. 

And if you’re having a little trouble getting started and need more focus to really launch into this, sign up for my free unstuck challenge. I’ll send you a video each day for four days with strategies you can immediately start using to reach for your goal. It’s 100% free and guaranteed to get you moving and keep you motivated. Go to CaraBrookins dot com and select Get Unstuck.

Make sure you come back for next week’s show, because I’m going to share a really simple brainstorm strategy that will solve the your big problems that—at least at first glance—appear to be impossible. This is one quick idea that you’ll use forever. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should really connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

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BACK TO PODCAST PAGE

This is a tough topic today. How do you keep a big goal alive, when you realize that there is absolutely no way you can pull together the time, money or resources to do it right now? Most project like this fade away for good. But I have a strategy to not only keep the goal alive and well, but to move it up on your timeline. You have what it takes to keep your idea fires alive and burning so you can reach your biggest goals.

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, this is where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

I’ve got a tough topic today. It’s something I’ve avoided talking about because I wish it weren’t true. But, if we avoid the stuff that happens to all of us, then we all end up feeling really alone and frustrated. So, let’s dive into the tough stuff today. 

I am an over-the-top optimist. You know that about me. I really, really like to talk about positive stuff. Because that’s now I naturally see things. But if I avoid today’s topic any longer, you’re going to end up feeling like things are working out better for other people than they are for you. That things are easier for other people or they have advantages you don’t. When really, we’re all in exactly this same place a lot more often than we admit.

So, what’s this thing we’d all rather pretend isn’t true?  

It’s the fact that sometimes you really want to do something, some big goal, but you can’t right now. period. You can’t. 

We can’t keep spreading this wishful idea that if we really, really want to do something, we can make it happen right now. We can build a house, or a business, we can learn to fly an airplane or graduate from college or whatever the heck our biggest dream project is right now. We’ve all heard, and even said a bunch of times: If you just want it badly enough, you can make it happen. But is that really true? 

Can wanting a thing make the resources to do it just appear? The time? The money? The supplies? No. Of course it can’t. Which is a massive problem for our big goals. And we have to talk about what that means. 

Let’s dig right into this problem. Which is really simple on the surface. Sometimes you can’t reach for your goal. Sometimes you do the math and no matter how hard you try, there is absolutely no way you can come up with the money to open your restaurant. Or buy the supplies to build your house. Sometimes, the answer, is No. The answer is no. This idea is not going to work out for you right now. And wanting it more, isn’t going to make the money appear. Wanting it more won’t give you the time or the pile of building materials or the skills to use all of it. We’ve all been in a spot like this. Wanting it more just ends up making you feel really bad.

When this happens, when a project makes us feel like a failure before we even lift a finger on it, what usually happens to that project? Do we usually keep it or throw it away? That’s right. We try to cheat and do both by throwing it…. A little further down the road. This idea of “Get that project out of my mind. I don’t want to think about it right now.” 

It feels bad to remind yourself that you can’t do this. But yet, you kind of hold it in the back of your mind thinking, “maybe I’ll do it someday,” Now and then you even pull it out. Test if it’s suddenly, magically possible now. Every time, coming to the same sad conclusion, smacking into the same big NO WAY, and boom, throw that project back down the road into someday land.  

I want to tell you though, there’s actually a way to hold on to these kinds of projects. There’s a way you can keep your idea alive and keep your momentum up, and actually keep working to make your biggest goal possible in the future, even if there is absolutely no way you can do that project right now.

And the best part is that the solution aligns perfectly with psychology, with how your already brain works. That’s exactly the kind of solution I’m always looking for. We’re not trying to change or fight against our own brain, because that’s always a losing battle. We’re just learning to use the way our brain is already set up. Before we get to the solution though, let’s take a close look at what this problem looks like in your life and then in your brain. Here’s how this starts.

You have this exciting new idea and you immediately brainstorm every possible scenario. Next, you try to get your hands on the materials, or learn the skills, maybe just find the time, come up with the money, or a combination of all of that, and, you realize that you just can’t. So what do you do? 

You push that project off your actual calendar and pencil it in on a day called ‘someday’.  “I can’t start that restaurant now, but I’ll do it someday. I can’t move my business or my education to the next level right now, but I’ll do it someday.” And we do this even though we’ve had a lot of experience with someday already, and we know how rare it is for someday to ever show back up on our calendar. You’ve seen the quote: Someday is not a day of the week.

Here’s where the problem grows though. The minute you move your project to someday, you stop reaching for it. You stop reaching for it. On one hand, it feels like it would be a waste of time to do anything with that project because you know you can’t reach the goal. You don’t have the things you need to do it, and you can’t get them.  But, on the other hand, you still want the results of that project. So, you’re stuck. You can’t start the project, and you can’t let the project go. If it sounds like you’re stuck in an endless loop, a catch-22, that’s because you are. 

This reminds me of a really unhealthy kind of relationship that we’ve all seen happen. One of those back-burner romances. You know what I mean? One person keeps saying they aren’t ready for a relationship ‘right now’ but instead of blocking the other person, walking away, they kind of keep feeding the idea in small little ways. Stringing the other person along. You know what they’re doing. They know what they’re doing. They’re keeping the possibility alive just in case. They aren’t committed in any real way to the other person, but they keep enough warm conversation going to keep this possibility open. They’re keeping that person simmering on the back burner.

Sound like a great idea? Hardly!

The likelihood of a relationship with this kind of start working out is right around zero percent. Because the back-burner person isn’t a priority. And the other person realizes this and isn’t going to keep giving them attention. What does this unfair relationship have to do with our project? 

Well ‘someday’ is the same as the back burner. 

That big project you put on the back burner for whatever reason is the same kind of thing, it isn’t a priority either, and the likelihood of a day suddenly just arriving where everything lines up to start things up and set it all in motion is also around zero percent.

But wait, I promised you some psychology to go with this, so here it is. And it’s really cool stuff. 

The reason we use terms like ‘move that to the back burner’ or ‘set that project aside’ as though we are actually moving this imaginary project—that only exists in our head—from one physical spot to another, is because that’s what’s actually happening inside our brain. It sounds weird, but it’s true. It goes like this.

When you have a new idea, it lights up a tiny spot in the creative part of your brain. Picture it like you’re lighting the base of a tree on fire. And as you think about that idea, new ideas light up, setting the bottom branches of the tree on fire, which makes you have even more ideas and more and more branches running spreading out.

With every new idea about this project that you have, a new series of branches lights up.And all of these idea branches connect and expand on your original idea. Because ideas crate more ideas.

That’s what it looks like in your brain. And here’s what it feels like when that is happening. 

A great idea hits, and you say: Hey, I could do this! (Base of the tree lights up)

And then a second later, you say: Oh, and then we could also do this… and then this… and this…. And what about this! (This is more branches firing up and exciting the area around them. Creating a perfect environment in your mind for new creative ideas to ignite.) 

This kind of brainstorm isn’t imaginary, we can actually see it in a brain scan. That’s why a new idea brings so much creativity and why it feels so exciting. And that’s also why, when you try to describe that same idea to someone else it’s usually a big letdown. You want them to be as excited as you are, but for them it’s just a warm spot in their head, not a fire. That’s a kinda cool idea, they say. But they aren’t feeling the same Ah-ha series of new ideas that you did. Not until you find exactly the right way to describe it that sparks a little fire at the base of a tree in their brain. The second you do that, boom! They are right there with you, tossing out ideas as new branches catch fire. It’s a really amazing process, isn’t it.

Ok. Now that we understand what that big idea moment is like in our brain, let’s go back to what happens when you realize that it’s a no-go. This project can’t happen right now. You move that project launch from next Wednesday to next someday. Your brain actually takes that entire idea tree away from the creative spot in your brain and moves it to a different physical spot on the opposite side of your brain. A spot that just stores things. It keeps the same shape with all the various branches. It still looks like a tree. But instead of being alive with fire, it’s just the silhouette of a cold tree now. No fire. It’s no longer setting off new fires.

Now it’s just sitting there with a label: Open my restaurant. Or Climb Mt Everest. Now and then you mention it to your mom or whatever. Try to keep it simmering on the back burner. But it’s not the same. It’s not in the creative part of your brain anymore. And it doesn’t feel exciting. Reviving it someday, even if the conditions are eventually perfectly 100% right, is going to be really tough. You’ll have to work hard to move that idea tree back to that other side of your brain. Light the fire again. Find your momentum. Sounds pretty depressing, doesn’t it.

As promised, I’ve got a better solution for you. Here’s a way to not only keep this project on the front burner, but very quickly get it to a place where you can actually pursue it as your next big goal. Are you ready for the answers? 

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

. . .

And now, back to the show. 

Now the first step to keeping your project boiling on the front burner. First, you have to commit to the project. It’s not a maybe-someday project. It’s not something you’re willing to let go. It’s the real deal and even though you know you don’t have the resources to get to the end, you are going to commit to doing it and starting right now. Committing means you invest some real time, energy, and money into this project right now. Because the more skin we have in the game, the more we value it. 

Just because you can’t do this entire project right now, doesn’t mean you can’t do a tiny part. 

Go buy something right now, today, that you need to do this project. Opening a restaurant? Buy a top quality chef knife. Buy some fabric swatches for your table cloth options. Building a House? Buy the kitchen faucet, or the bedroom light fixture. Make or buy the quilt for your future bedroom, or some art that will hang in your den. If you don’t have much money or space to store things, then put pictures of very specific items on a vision board and invest a pile of time and energy into the project. Plan every aspect of your new business. Take physical actions like drawing and writing your details. This is essential. But how is this different than a back burner project?

These actions keep your idea fire alive and keep it in the creative, problem solving area of your brain. This isn’t simmering on the back burner, it’s boiling up front. You’re not just marking time, you’re actually moving the project forward with steps that will make a real difference. You’ll actually use that chef knife, put those business plans into action, hang that light in your new dining room one day.

Continuing to take actions on a dream project keeps it in the active, creative part of your brain where you will keep looking for ways to make the full project happen even sooner. Even the fact that you’re talking about it and that people are seeing the actions you’re taking can make this happen sooner for you. Maybe you’ll form a partnership with someone you talk to, or connect with just the right people who can help you move this along. These aren’t idle actions. You’re not just going through the motions. You’re starting the project.

What happens a lot of times, is that taking these first steps will help you see some kind of supporting project that you can do right now to make the big dream possible sooner.

Here’s what I mean. A lot of people don’t realize this, but I was facing this exact situation when I built my house. I had a huge goal and I realized it wasn’t possible for me with what I had available. The goal, well it was NOT building a house. That was never my goal at all. Not in the beginning. Think I’m exaggerating? I’m not. My goal was to quit my job as a programmer and work full time on my own business as a writer. But it wasn’t possible.

I didn’t have a way to instantly make money as a writer—it was way too risky as a single mom to quit my job, start writing, and just cross my fingers that I could make it work. Our bills were really high, we were losing our house and I had no idea where we were going to live. We’d also been through some really tough things and we needed to spend some time together. To just get our heads in a better space.

And if I was just writing all the time, we weren’t going to have that time together. That meant, we needed a house. And. We needed a project.  We needed a house. And. We needed a project. Mix in a brand-new website called YouTube. And poof, I bet you can see what happened there, an idea fire was lit. And it did its magic. 

The idea of building a house was born. It was one massive project I could do right away, that would support and move me closer to the next project, the one I really wanted to do. How did building a house help me become a full-time writer? 

Well, if I could lower our monthly bills, and have a great place to work at home, then I could quit my software programming job sooner and survive on a full-time writing business. It was a great solution to multiple problems.

One warning though, because another thing that can kill your original idea is taking on another completely different big idea. That new idea—in my case the house—can in a way outshine the first idea until it vanishes. Sure, I’d still end up with a house, but if I didn’t set that house project up right, I would lose the thing I started that for in the first place. The key here, is focus.

As soon as you start to work on any kind of supporting project, keep checking to make sure it’s actually leading you there. Make sure it’s actually feeding the first goal. Keeping the fire burning. And what I mean by that is to keep spending time, money, and energy on that big goal so it stays the number one priority. This sounds like a lot to keep up with at once, but it’s really pretty simple as long as one goal is set up to support the next one. 

Ok, now back to the primary and secondary goals. How did I make sure that building a house supported a writing career? It was easier than you might think. 

One of the ways I did this was to make sure one of the rooms I built in my house was a library. I was creating a real space for that future career. And I thought of every aspect of the house in how it related to books and my library. Later when my daughter Hope was helping me decorate the other rooms in the house, every single room ended up with some kind of a book theme. Barely noticeable in some rooms all the way to completely papering the walls with book pages in one room. You can see the focus here, right? 

That primary goal was the one I constantly invested my time, energy and money into, even when I was knee deep in the supporting project.

I finished that initial supporting goal when I finished the house. And then I had the space and the set-up to move directly into my next goal. And while I never in a million years expected to write a book about building the house, the two projects ended up coming together in that really cool and unexpected way. I made the writing goal happen next. I quit my job to write and speak full time. In fact, I’m recording this podcast right now from that library in the house we built.

I wanted it that badly, and I made it happen.

No, I didn’t do it right away. And that means it didn’t look the way I thought it would in the beginning, the first moment I conceived of the idea that I wanted to be a fulltime writer. I wanted it to happen the easy, JK Rowling way. Just write a global bestseller that would open every door.

Instead, I had to do that supporting project first. And it was unbelievably hard work. But I did it. And so can you.

Maybe you’ll need to go for that promotion in your current job and stay there a while to build the income or credibility to start up your own company. But when you know it’s taking you closer to YOUR big goal and you’re taking direct steps in small ways to build it, it’s a lot easier to do, and to take in the skills and make the connections that are contributing to your big idea. Your master plan.

And after you achieve your goal, you’ll have this much greater sense of satisfaction too, because you’ll know that you hit this massive wall that said very clearly your goal was in no way possible for you right then. But you found a way to do it anyhow. 

Some of you are feeling too overwhelmed right now to take on a primary or a secondary goal. And if that’s you, feeling too paralyzed to move, or maybe so overwhelmed with your to-do list that you don’t even know what the big goal even is anymore. Well, that means its time to pause, and wrap up some things in your space by having a power day. This is something I do almost every month and it keeps me on track with a clear mind. If you haven’t done one yet, I have a free guide on my website to get you moving. Go now to CaraBrookins dot com and select Powerday for a download. Again, it’s 100% free and 100% the way to get rid of your overwhelm. If you want to learn a little more about a Powerday, scroll back and listen to last week’s episode for a detailed description.

Imagine what that’s going to feel like. When you get a no, and you keep the dream alive until you yourself create a yes, the results will be so much sweeter. And you’ll feel so much happier with the goal, and also more confident about reaching forward and tackling the next big goal. 

In the beginning, your problem: that impossible project, feels so much bigger than you. But in the end, you’ll see and everyone around you will see, your family, friends, even strangers, will all see that when you decide to keep your focus on your impossible goal, it can become possible, even if the timeline is slow, hard work.

You’re already a step closer to your goal just by understanding more about how to light idea fires and keep them alive and burning. Take the next step. And then figure out the one after that. 

Even if there’s a massive wall in your way today, set yourself up to build something big.

And make sure you stop by again next week, same time same place to talk about why you feel like your falling further behind every year and how you can banish that feeling for good. Because it’s simply never too late to reach for your biggest goals. 

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should really connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast. 

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All the little tasks that pile up in our space drain us physically and mentally. And eventually they can overwhelm us to the point that there’s no room left in our head to work toward a big life-changing goal. But there’s an easy way to get back on track when things get out of hand. I created a #Powerday guide to walk you through a 1-day process of wrapping up all the piles of little things so you can get back to your big thing. Set up a #Powerday and reclaim your goal.

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Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google, or iHeartRadio

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Resources & Links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or shoot me an email at cara@carabrookins.com!Ready to stop procrastinating & get your idea off the ground? Join me and Build Something!If you enjoyed this episode, I’d so appreciate a review for the show! (To leave a review go to The Cara Brookins Show on the Apple Podcast app, then scroll all the way down to the bottom and you’ll see “Ratings & Reviews.” At the bottom of that section is the option to “Write a Review”!!!)

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Transcript:

Welcome to the Cara Brookins Show, this is where you’ll find all the tools you need to get unstuck and build a better life. I know what it feels like to need a friend to talk you through the hard stuff. From cleaning off your desk, to building a new desk, or even rebuilding your entire life from scratch, I’ll be here with you for every step. Let’s get moving and build exactly the life you want.

This is one of those weeks where everything is just really piling up around my house. Half of my dining room table is covered in boxes. I’m behind on laundry… and yard work. My email has flags of every color. One cabinet in my bathroom has a loose hinge. You get the idea. I’m overwhelmed. You’ve probably been here too. And today’s show is going to fix this.

On days when everywhere I turn I see a reminder that things are piling up and getting a little out of control, it effects. everything — my mood, and my motivation. The longer my to-do list gets, the more I feel like I’m going to be stuck just maintaining this basic stuff forever. Forget about my projects and big goals—those are just going to keep falling further and further behind. After this goes on for a while, I start to wake up thinking, if I can just get through the day without a longer list than I started with, that’s good enough. I’ll take that. Just keeping my head above water feels like enough. But— it isn’t. Not really. Not if I want my life to actually change, to improve.

When I feel overwhelmed with all the little things around my house or job, like I do right now, my perspective of what a big goal even is gets really skewed. Instead of dreaming about big career moves, I start to dream about just reaching the spot on my list where I’m getting the oil changed, folding the towels, and ordering new tennis shoes—as if that’s doing the extraordinary.  

But it’s not always like that. On a more sane day, when I’m caught up on things, I know perfectly well that doing these ordinary things isn’t enough. On those better days I have the space in my brain to reach for something bigger. That’s the goal right? To make space in our lives to reach a little higher and to do things that are kind of extraordinary. 

The good news is, we can definitely make that happen. We can get rid of that awful buried feeling, that feeling that shrinks your world, when you have too much to do. 

But wait, before we go any further, I want to say the first thing, the thing that really helps when I feel things piling up like this, is knowing: that I’m not alone. You, feel like this too. I know because a lot of you DM me or talk to me after events and tell me that you sometimes feel so overwhelmed by all the everyday stuff that you can’t imagine ever getting caught up enough to do something big. Heck, even having an extra hour to think about doing something big isn’t going to fit on your calendar for years. And as much as you’d like to, you can’t create time that doesn’t exist. 

Earlier this year my oldest daughter Hope jokingly told me “I feel like I’m five years behind.” And I said, “I know how you feel, me too.” It happens to the best of us. You’ve felt that way. Frustrated that you’re not accomplishing the things you want to. Disappointed in yourself because another day has gone by and you’re casually sliding the undone things over to tomorrow’s to-do list…again. Like no one will notice! In weeks like this, we just feel stuck. 

The thing is, we all have big ideas and plans for our lives. A lot of you talk to me about the big things you want to do. It could be something you’ve planned since you were a kid or something brand new that you’re itching to get started on. But then, the everyday life things start to pile up. A broken garbage disposal here. A last-minute homework assignment your kids forgot to tell you about there. Another company that messed up your bill so now you have to call…for the third month in a row. And before you know it, you’re practically buried in a mountain of post-it-note to-do lists. I hear you. “Out of control” feels like it should be the title of your memoir…except you’re way too busy to write your life story anyhow.  

Uggh. I get it. 

And I know for me, this overwhelm happens fast. One day I feel like I have all these systems and stuff in place to keep things in order, then just a couple extra things come my way and suddenly it’s like an avalanche and I’m buried so far under a Mountain that I’m pretty sure I will literally never catch up. 

Even when the world paused—with months of stay-at home orders—I still had trouble getting everything done that I wanted to. At first, I tried to focus on a big project I’d been planning for years, writing my Build Something course. But being in my house all day, I was so overwhelmed by all of those little projects in my house needing to be finished that I was too stressed for my brain to focus on writing… or even outlining. I would end up clicking over to the news or social media. And you guys know, how fast you can get pulled into news videos these days, and then you feel so down about the world that you have to go put in some TikTok time to laugh and recover. And then…. repeat. This is such a common habit cycle because it actually works to get our mind off the 50 projects in the room all around us, and the big project that we’re putting off again. Then before you know it, you’re climbing into bed. Next day, rinse, lather, repeat.

But getting your mind off the projects doesn’t feel good for long. And it doesn’t move you ahead. You’re left in that loop of the same old life. And that’s not the life you want or deserve. 

So, when I started to feel really overwhelmed at the beginning of COVID lockdowns, what did I do? I spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself while I just kept moving my attention constantly between launching my course, this podcast, doing virtual event presentations, while also trying to start all of those projects around the house. And no matter how many hours I put in, no surprise, bouncing between all those projects was not effective. Instead of wrapping up a lot of stuff, I was just failing at a lot of stuff. I didn’t get much done. The bottom line was, I needed a better strategy to solve this. 

You know,  I built a house. I’ve written 8 books. I’m capable of taking on some really big projects and finishing them. But at some point, life just catches up with you. Too many projects—too little time. Until one morning I decided to solve this whole problem in a new way: letting a little pressure off myself by pausing my big goal. 

Not what you expected from me, is it. I know. But by intentionally pausing my big course-writing project I gave myself the time to tackle all the small distracting things around the house once and for all. If I could just get everything done and out of the way, I would finally feel in control again and be able to focus on the big stuff. Right? Then I’d be back to a place where I could accomplish the big meaningful things again. Sounds reasonable doesn’t it? 

Well, because I’m me, I may have overdone it a little. What started as a couple days to focus on finishing random house projects turned into over a month of a complete home redesign that involved painting rooms, furniture, even painting a tile floor. I framed art. Created art. Built a desk. Yeah, it was over the top. I have a huge floor to ceiling library and I took every single book out of the library shelves to restyle the entire thing. It was crazy. And it kept getting crazier. And well, obviously it was way more than a short sidetrack from my big goal. It all took way, way too much time. But guess what happened?

It turned into a light bulb moment. I realized that there was something important about that break where I tried to tackle all the projects in my universe. Because wrapping up some of the to-dos on my list, well it made me feel a whole lot better. It really did clear some brain space for my big project. And then I was able to write my Build Something course, film it, and launch it. I was able to start this podcast. And that’s when I thought, you know what? I’m on to something!

Wrapping up the tasks that I had been putting off, small projects I talked about or at least thought about every single time I walked past them in my house, well actually doing them cleared enough space in my head to give me my focus back again. Finishing your small projects wipes away not only the excuses, but the stress, too. Because let’s be real, the worst part about that project on your kitchen counter that you keep ignoring, isn’t actually doing it—the worst part about that project is the stress you get from seeing it there day after day after day. And when a whole mountain of those types of to-do projects piles up, that’s a lot of noise in your head, a mountain of stress. And stress is no good for productivity.

Stress stops us in our tracks. It sends us toward Netflix binges and cat videos and games on our phone. Stress stops our forward progress and the longer we stay still, the longer we feel stuck, the more we avoid taking any sort of action that would take us toward our goals. And one thing I always, always argue for is action. Because taking some kind of action will always leave you in a place better than you’re in now. Here’s the bottom line, the way to stop feeling stuck is always the same: Take action. 

Sounds simple enough, but remember, in this specific case we’re talking about overwhelm and action in that case looks al little different. 

. . .

Before we dig into those details, we’re going to take a short break.

Do you have an idea that you just haven’t been able to get off the ground? Or maybe you worked on it for a while and then got stuck? And even though you still love the idea—can’t get it out of your head, you just have no idea how to get unstuck. 

If you could *just* take all the time you spent putting off a project, and put that time into doing the work to reach your target it would change everything. Take the distractions, the extra coffee breaks, TikTok videos, and Netflix binges and instead spend all those hours, weeks, sometimes years making real progress toward your goal. 

If procrastination has been holding you back, my course Build Something can help.  

I’ve put EVERY SINGLE THING you need to build your ridiculously big project into Build Something. All the strategies, tactics, and methods I used (and still use) to successfully turn my big ideas into real-life projects and finish them. #BuildSomething will teach you how to: plan your projects, get started, take action, actually do the work, work through the hard parts, and stay motivated until you reach your goal. 

Go to carabrookins.com/buildsomething/ for all the tools you need for this project. The one after that. And the one after that. And—you get the idea. That’s carabrookins.com/buildsomething/. 

This is your chance to get unstuck and start the project of your dreams so you can #BuildSomething you’re proud of.

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And now, back to the show. 

When you’re stuck under the overwhelm from all of your day-to-day tasks, the action is going to look a little different than the usual project based action. Instead of directing your every move toward your big project—which is usually where all your action should lead you, this time that action is paused, and instead your action will be aimed toward all the little things that are taking up too much time and too much space in your house, your office, and especially in your head. Because those un-done little things are getting in the way of your big thing. Here’s how I think of all the little things that pile up:

Every single time you see these irritating little ‘this needs to be done’ laying around your space it uses up energy just to mentally think about the undone task. I think of it like physically leaping over a hurdle—which I don’t know about you, but I can’t jump over too many hurdles before I’m going to be exhausted. 

Now just to be clear, I’m not even talking about DOING the task. Just seeing it in your space uses up your energy. So as an example, picture this process in your house where every task equals a leap over a hurdle. You walk by the basket of laundry, you just jumped over one hurdle. There’s a stack of mail on the table. You jumped another hurdle. That cabinet door with a broken hinge. That’s another hurdle. The garbage disposal is broken. You’re low on trash bags. The wedding invite for this weekend is on the fridge, you haven’t bought a gift yet. Your kid still needs help with the science fair project. Have you walked the dog? Hurdle. Hurdle. Hurdle. Hurdle. Hurdle.

DO you see what I’m saying? Not doing these things, but just seeing them over and over releases stress hormones in your brain that wear you down and wear you out. And the last thing you need in that moment is me popping up and asking, “are you going for that big goal yet? What are you working on?” And you kinda want to scream at me: “Inhaling and exhaling. I’m just working on inhaling and exhaling. I can’t even remember my freaking big goal anymore.” 

And of course you can’t, because of all those hurdles. This is why you feel so much more tired that you think you should feel. All of the piled up tasks are exhausting you. 

Well, enough is enough. We can fix this. 

We recognized the problem, now let’s fix it. You have permission to pause the big project for a minute. Tackling a big pile of those small projects will feel good, and you’ll be relieved to finally have the space to focus on your big goal. Finishing projects will give you the satisfaction of finishing something. Of checking something off of your to do list. 

Now, you’re thinking, “That’s easier said than done Cara.” I know, I know. You weren’t just putting these things off for no reason. They suck. They take up time. And they are never the fun things. It’s hard to see how they contribute to the big goal, which is where you really want to focus your time. BUT getting control of a big pile of these things is going to change everything for you. It is hands down one of the best was to set your life up for success. It’s a no brainer.

Most of us have more time at home now than we used to. But even so, I realize that spending a month or more tackling projects like I did isn’t only unrealistic, it’s long enough to become a distraction or even a form of procrastination. Which is NOT what I’m here to promote. Instead, I put together a little something to make this process more effective and also really easy. I created a process that I could use myself going forward. It’s a one-day catchup. I decided to start calling it a #PowerDay because nothing makes me feel more powerful than taking care of all of those tasks that I never want to think about again. I actually schedule a #Powerday every month or two to keep me on track. So what exactly is a #PowerDay?

It’s the day when you draw a line in the sand, look your frozen-in-place self straight in the eye and yell, “Enough is enough! I can do more than this!” It’s a day of removing clutter from your brain and your space. It’s a day to set up habits to un-stick yourself for good. Sound like a lot of work? 

It’s not. It’s 4 steps that you’ll finish in 1 day.  Seriously, a day.

These are easy steps and everyday tasks that you already know how to do. Why will getting up and moving on simple tasks change everything for you? Because you’ll have a lot more energy if you aren’t leaping over a dozen hurdles in every room. You’ll have that space in your head we talked about, but also because an object in motion tends to stay in motion. 

To have your #PowerDay, you’re going to need 8 hours to devote (plus a few extra hours if you know your kids are going to distract you). I broke this down into four steps so plan to spend about two hours on each of the four steps but you don’t need to set a timer or anything, just split your time so you can fit in all four steps. 

If this is starting to sound complicated, don’t worry, You don’t have to do this alone. I created a FREE guidewalking you through my process so you can have my voice in your head as you go through your #PowerDay. And because I know you’re already tired of making lists around your house (or in your head), this guide includes a separate customizable checklist for each step. I also included suggestions to keep you motivated. 

Just go to Cara Brookins .com and click on power day. It’s 100% free. 

This guide is a lot more than a checklist. One of the many things I learned raising four kids is that sometimes you need a little more guidance (and motivation) than a checklist gives you. So my customizable 9 page PDF guide has all the details that will take you through the process of having a successful #PowerDay from start to finish. 

No matter how stuck and out of control you’ve been feeling, remember that you already have everything inside of you that you need to nail your next big project. And the enormous leap you’re about to make in one day is going to take you toward the bigger future that you know was meant for you. 

Block out a day to get unstuck right now. It changed my life, and it will change yours too.

Get yourself and your life together and start reaching your goals by committing to a #Powerday. 

Come back again next week to talk about what to do when you discover that your biggest goal is something you absolutely can NOT do right now. We’ll talk about how to keep that goal alive while you do the set up work.  

Thanks for hanging out with me today, head over to carabrookins.com for more (free) tools, and we should really connect on social media too. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast.

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