Tova Leigh

“I lost myself. I said it wouldn’t happen, but it did. And the thing is, I am not just talking about the obvious – about forgetting what real clothes look like and how to have a conversation with other adults that doesn’t mention children. I am talking about forgetting who I was. What my real name is – not “mom” – my actual name and what I need. And as I was in the process of losing myself I kept thinking that this was what I was supposed to be doing. “The kids are still young. There will be time to start living again when they get older,” people would say. Well, you know what? They were wrong. As moms, it’s not part of our job to fade away into the background and disappear. It’s not part of the job to put our lives on hold till the kids reach 18 and leave the house. Where does it say that? I found there was a secret code no one talked about – it was like a competition of who has it the worst. Who is working the hardest? Who is wearing the most hats and juggling the most plates up in the air? It is such an exhausting reality, and one that weighs down so many women, yet it’s so hard to break out of that cycle.”
― Tova Leigh, F*cked at 40: Life Beyond Suburbia, Monogamy and Stretch Marks