Michelle Bates's Blog

Eureka interjection

eu·​re·​ka yu̇-ˈrē-kə —used to express the thrill of discovery

When we purchased our property in Missouri nearly nine years ago, my husband and my aunt and uncle were the only ones who had seen the property before we moved. The kids and I moved to the property sight unseen. It was 40 acres of rolling hills and in the late summer there would be amber waves of grain, or what we discovered later was just long grass. It was a gorgeous property, especially in the fall looking out the kitchen window while doing the dishes admiring the few days of peek color we had.

We ended up moving about 30 minutes away from my fraternal grandfather, and we started taking our kids to the lake that I grew up swimming in during summer vacations to visit my grandparents. Grandpa met us down by the lake a few times during our first summer here. One day, my grandpa and his girlfriend, Barbara, came over for breakfast. As we were sitting at the table, I asked Grandpa if he ever thought I would have been the one to move to Missouri and he said, with a lot of enthusiasm, “NO WAY!!! You were way too citified!” He wasn’t wrong. I love the hustle and bustle and I like the conveniences of the city. Being able to get mascarpone and fancy cheeses in less than 10 minutes makes me happy. Moving to Missouri was a big transition for our whole family. We traded sidewalks for haybales.

The moment Grandpa exited the car he started telling us how great the property was. Slowly walking around and as he came in the front door, he said, “Michelle, you have a EUREKA here! This is a bonanza!” I chuckled and we continued to have our meal. After eating, he decided he wanted to look around some more and went out the back door with our, 3-year-old, Boston, and as I looked up from dropping some dishes in the sink, I saw Boston showing Grandpa around. I wasn’t privy to the conversation, but I imagine it went something like, “And this is the garden. Isn’t it nice?” I chuckled again, and Mike snapped the picture. Later, Barbara printed the picture, framed it, and gave it to Grandpa as a gift.

On Tuesday, January 16, 2024, my Grandpa went Home. He was 95. He lived a long, good, life. He shared a lot of stories. As a child, we’d visit his and Grandma’s farm for a week at a time, and at each meal, he’d tell us to eat whatever food was on our plate, because “it would be hair on our chest.” He’d go out and work the cattle in the morning and we’d hear him singing while he took his bath in the afternoon. He’d take us to the lake to go swimming on hot days and an ice cream stop on the way home. We’d make donuts with Grandma and drive tractors with Grandpa.

After Grandma went Home in 2000, Mike and I stopped by to visit Grandpa after we got married and he offered to make us omelets for breakfast. He talked through each step and told us what he was doing and was excited to have the company in the house. As he was cooking he said, “Michelle, (in his Missouri drawl), you didn’t know that I was a colonary, did you!?!?” I laughed, “Culinary, Grandpa, you’re cooking.” He kept saying it though. He was a colonary and an expert cook at slightly runny omelets.

After moving to Missouri, we say Grandpa regularly, on different holidays, and at lunches with family. He constantly asked how business was and how our Eurkea was doing. Even after we sold the property he’d still talk about how much he liked it. With each interaction with Grandpa, he never talked about politics and he always talked about Jesus. He would look me in the eyes and say, “Are you praying Michelle? You know how to get peace that passes understanding, don’t you? You just need to ask Jesus. There’s no need to worry.” After Boston went Home, he’d make sure he knew that I knew how to get peace that passes understanding. The gospel was simple to Grandpa. He taught me how simple it is. We tend to make things so complicated. Grandpa would say, “Jesus loves you and me. Just pray for peace and don’t worry.” Then he’d sing a song.

One of Grandpa’s favorite songs was, I’ll Fly Away.

Some glad morning when this life is over

I’ll fly away

To a home on God’ celestial shore

I’ll fly away

I’ll fly away, oh, Glory

I’ll fly away

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by

I’ll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then

I’ll fly away

To a land where joy shall never end

I’ll fly away

Albert E Brumley

I believe in heaven and I believe that a reunion happens with loved ones who have gone Home before us, but I don’t believe that the reunion with our loved ones overshadows the moment we see our Savior when we first step into our new life. I believe the moment we see Jesus, it will be so awestruck, so full of worship, so amazed by his glory, that we won’t be concerned about the reunion our earthly selves wanted so desperately. Here on earth, we are looking at things so dimly, all we can consider is the reunion with the people we miss. So, I say this next statement very lightly and it is merely my selfish imagination, but maybe when Boston saw Grandpa, upon his arrival Home, a similar event may have happened, where he spread out his arms and said, “Hey, Grandpa, welcome to EUREKA! You have come Home and found something glorious!”

For now we see in a mirror dinly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

I Corinthians 13:12

I started a post earlier today and deleted it.

I’m behind on writing and sending emails.

I told my husband today that I had nothing.

Boston’s 9th birthday was the end of February and I really thought that I would get out of my funk, but then the world happened.

When things get stressful I can’t share what I write or think because it’s a lot of naval gazing. My eyes aren’t up. They are down.

My husband said, “Say that. Say that you got nothing.”

It’s the truth. I can say that “Jesus is enough.” He is. I believe it, but I also realize and understand that the words sound so so trite in a time like this. The world is groaning and the pains are fierce and true.

Jesus is enough. I repeat it to myself in hopes to believe it many days. When the kids argue with me. Or when a friend shares hard news. Or when the tension is so tight that it is ready to snap. Will it? I don’t think so because Jesus holds both ends, but man, it feels like the world is going to snap.

I remind myself (and friends have reminded me twice today), Psalm 3:5, “I lay day and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.” A balm to the soul.

I have nothing. But the Word does. A promise. the LORD sustains us. Tomorrow we will wake up and he will sustain us for another day.

Whatever that looks like…

Disney Pixar’s Inside Out was released into theaters the summer of 2015. Our whole family went one Sunday after church. All six of us filled row at the local theater and we chuckled and laughed and when we got into the hot car, we talked about our favorite parts on the way home.

The movie was released to purchase in October of the same year. My girls and I were in Kansas City returning my mom and two friends to the airport so they could go home after The Accident, and on the way back to our house the girls and my friend Katie and I stopped for lunch and at Target before we headed back to Humansville. I saw the movie for sale and told Katie how great it was and I tossed it in our cart. When we got home that evening, we sat down with Mike and Josiah and watched the movie. We all sat there stunned. Inside Out suddenly had a very different meaning to our family than four months prior. It had funny parts yes, but it touched a very fresh and raw cord in our hearts. That movie stayed up on a shelf for awhile…

A couple of months ago, I was driving to Springfield very early in the morning with a car full of kids for a robotics qualifier. Ellison asked to put in a movie for the drive down and all of the kids agreed on Inside Out. As they were chuckling about Sadness being dragged on the floor by Joy while touching and changing the memories from happy ones to sad ones, tears began to fall down my cheeks.

We have so many happy-turned-to-sad-memories.

Mike and I were discussing it last night on a date. With Boston’s ninth birthday next week, you can feel a somberness in our house. With Boston being the youngest, all of our children have memories of him. Randomly something will come to the forefront and one person will say, “Remember Boston’s first word? It was a sentence! MY BACON!” (as he let a dog know he wasn’t going to share his bacon at 18 months old) “Remember when we went to Monster Jam? Josiah helped Boston turn the living room into a pit and Boston played with monster trucks for weeks after that!” (Josiah took the area rug in the living room and put books under it and toys to make monster truck jumps.) “Remember Boston’s favorite word? AWKWARD! Everything was awkward and sometimes he wouldn’t even use it right!” (But he did one day when he accidentally walked in on someone using the bathroom in a public place and they hadn’t locked the door. AWKWARD!)

These memories, we love them, but they also bring a smile and then immediate sadness, because our son, brother and friend is so incredibly missed. There are days where the grief is still very suffocating.

We have a hope.

We have this is a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain… Hebrews 6:19

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. I Corinthians 13:12

He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18

The steadfast love the the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

Despite the our memories being touched by sadness and grief, the hope and confidence that we receive from our Savior is steadfast. It is secure. It is moored into a port of comfort because of the goodness of our LORD and the perfectness of his unfailing love for us.

#TillweareHome #Jesusisenough

A few years ago I had several friends going through very hard things. They still are. And I can add more friends to the list. It seems that we are all struggling with something.

As I was thinking about my friends who were struggling, I would pray for them and a lot of times I had no words when we would talk and they would share the latest update to a situation. My usual response is/was, “I’ve got nothing. I’m groaning with you.”

It’s hard as a friend when you want to help, but there are no words. I know that my friends have been in that situation with our family more than once.

One day I was thinking about how I could encourage my friends all at once, so I started thinking about beginning a Facebook group that just shared scripture. I decided to give it a shot and only invite the people who I knew were struggling, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that it wasn’t just my close friends who were struggling, it was everyone on my “friend” list.

I started a group called Jesus is Enough on Facebook. I invited every single female that I knew loved Jesus on my list and said, “Please remember that this is a place to share Scripture with one another. If it is a devotional that you read in the morning, or the afternoon, or at night or on the toilet (cause let’s be honest we’ve all done it to get away for a moment) that you appreciated, please share the scripture that coincides with it. I love a good quote from a person who loves Jesus, but let’s share those on our personal pages, and keep this place to Scripture only.”

I wanted a place of peace and no extra chatter. I wanted a place where ladies can take a scroll and be encouraged. I wanted a place where ladies could flee to Jesus when life was overwhelming.

I started it thinking that just some friends and I would share scripture with one another, but it has turned into a whole lot more. Friends started inviting friends. Then their friends started inviting friends. Now nearly 1,000 ladies read and share scripture with one another. You ladies are more than welcome to join if you’d like.

My favorite part of the whole group is Jesus. Fleeing to Jesus. Getting a few minutes of a fresh drink of water in the midst of a hard and busy day.

We can’t be reminded of the gospel enough. #Jesusisenough #TillweareHome

There is one place in my house that I don’t like to open. In fact, I can say with all honesty that I truly hate it.

There are two closets in my husband and I’s room. One closet is open and used daily, the other closet stays shut and is only opened when necessary.

The light in the closet that we use daily doesn’t work. The light in the closet that we don’t use does work. I have no idea if there is any significance to that, but I do think that it’s ironic.

After The Accident, we had to put things away. Things that we didn’t want to put away. Things that should have continued to be used and outgrown and then given away to the next lucky recipient.

Our first week back to our Classical Conversations community after The Accident, I went into Boston’s classroom and grabbed his pencil box and other items tossed them in my bag and walked out of the building. When I got home I tossed them into the closet and shut the door and walked away to make dinner. It’s an orange pencil box.

Several months later, Mike decided that he was going to clean up the closet. I stayed in the kitchen and he organized and sifted and put items into a box that I had tossed in there that I had found and wanted to keep. I worked in the kitchen and wouldn’t walk to our bedroom. When he was done he said, “You can use that closet now. I put everything away. You won’t see it.” It’s true. Everything is put away. I still hate that closet.

I’m not entirely sure of my point in this post, but last night I was laying in bed before I turned the lights out and grief hit my chest heavy. My heart is broken and I stared at that closed closet and thought, “There are memories in there that I love, but there are memories in there that make me weep because our son is not here. I should’ve washed those clothes more often because they were caked with mud. I should’ve tossed those shoes in the trash because they were so worn. I should’ve tossed the crayons because they were stubs. I should’ve…”

There are a lot of should’ves in our lives. There are things that we regret. There are people and things that were taken from us too soon, but somehow we wake up the next day. Our eyes open at the sound of the alarm. Our heads lift off the pillow. Our feet touch the floors and we take showers, get dressed, get ready and face the days whether we are ready or not. And us grievers, us sufferers do not do it on our own strength, no. It is simply by the hand of Jesus gently on our heads directing us where to go because he knows that we cannot take a breath without him putting the air in our lungs.

In 21 days Boston would be nine. His absence is still so poignant, so heavy. A cavernous hole in our familial unit. The only thing I know for sure is that Jesus has been enough and I still don’t like that closet. #TillweareHome

The Big Game is coming up on Sunday and sadly, the Patriots aren’t a part of it this year, I know that not everyone is sad about that, and that’s okay.

I really love the Super Bowl and I love watching the football leading up to it. Which team is going to work the hardest? How will they win? Who will out coach the opposing team? Who in the end will receive all the glory and the Lombardi Trophy to say that they truly are the best in the NFL? The excitement of it always blows my mind and it has, on multiple occasions, sent me into a frenzy. This year, however, I will be a bit more subdued because I don’t have an investment in either team.

At the end of the game, whoever wins, the team and the fans will be basking in the glory of their victory. A big parade will go through the city and the people with worship the players and coaches and staff that made the victory possible and the Lombardi Trophy will be passed around and lifted up into the sky. I have watched multiple parades through the city streets of Boston and have smiled and I’ve rejoiced in the accomplishments which made the parade possible.

Jesus is bigger than The Big Game and the team that wins it.

It’s fun to watch the game and rejoice, but one glorious day, we will experience TRUE rejoicing. TRUE excitement as we will dance and participate in the ultimate parade for and with our King. The winning team’s city parade will not even skim the surface of the reunion and the party plans that our Savior has in store for us. It puts a grin on my face just thinking about it.

We will celebrate that Jesus is the ultimate victor.

Our Lord will also celebrate us. His people. His creation. His children. His bride. There will be no more sin and death. There will be life for eternity. There will be no more sadness. There will be unlimited joy and true happiness. And absolute perfection with unity and oneness.

This celebration will be greater than any other celebratory parade that has ever happened for any winning city’s sports team. It will be a party that everyone gets an invitation to and the party will last forever and ever. I sure do hope you join in on the party!

I am probably slow to the party, but I discovered over the summer that YouVersion had Bible reading plans. They can also be audible, so I can stick my earbuds in my ears, get the Bible in my ears and still do the dishes, run (never mind, I don’t run), fold the laundry, while I’m driving or put it on the Bluetooth in the kitchen for all to listen.

I started doing a lengthy plan back in the fall that is 200+ days and I rarely do anything for 200+ days except to shower, and I wanted the Word in my brain. Currently, I’m several days behind, but I’ll catch up.

Several weeks ago, I was listening to Joshua and Judges, and honestly, I had a really hard time. There is so much destruction. So much war. So much blood. So. Much. Sin. And as I listened, I kept thinking, “I serve a God who loves, who is good, who is sovereign, who is gracious and who is kind. The God described in these two books is a God of violence and brokenness and judgment. ” I could not wrap my head around it. I was caught in very uncomfortable tension.

I do believe that God is a God of judgment. I also believe that he is full of lovingkindness. I believe that he is a God to be feared. I also believe that he is full of mercy. So listening to Joshua and Judges, which are books with an MA rating were difficult, to say the least.

I began to think about how these two books (and many parts of the Old Testament) were the opposite of who I believed God to be. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he wasn’t the opposite of who I believed him to be. He was always and in his divine sovereignty perfectly God and good.

I realized something today, I want to ignore the parts of the Bible that don’t fit my view of God because it’s ugly but it also shows God’s character, which is full of justice, vengeance and reckless love for his people the Israelites. However, we also see this in his Son and his perfect life being led to the cross because it was the WILL of the Father. The cross is ugly, evil, full of justice, yet also full of grace and love, which he obediently displayed for us. God sent his Son to the cross for his chosen people.

The hard parts of the Bible are difficult to swallow. In the hard parts, we also learn more about God’s character, which is important in building a solid theology, but with that, we must also be able to admit and be content with the fact that we will not fully understand. It’s okay to wrestle with the tension that comes with beginning to understand God’s character. However, through our study, we must be reminded of God’s power, goodness, and love for his people and who we are through his Son.

I am the LORD your God,

who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-

the LORD of hosts is his name.

And I have put my words in your mouth

and covered you in the shadow of my hand,

establishing the heavens

and laysing the foundations of the earth,

and saying to Zion, ‘You are my people.’

Isaiah 51:15-16

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ JEsus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasureable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

I have not kept it a secret that I struggle with praying. For a long time, I struggled to even pray to ask God for anything, because I felt like when I had at the most important times he was silent and the request didn’t turn out as I hoped. But prayer isn’t all about God answering our prayers. He loves us, yes, and he wants us to ask him for guidance, help, wisdom, peace, health, and safety for us and our loved ones, prayer is also about groaning and lamenting. Rejoicing and praising. Being thankful in the hard and also when blessings are abounding.

Several of my friends have had a hard year. Even more of my friends have had a decade full of struggles and pain. As we enter into a new year and a new decade this is my prayer as we wake up and face each day. Whatever happens in the next 365 days or the next 3,650 days that our Savior fills us with hope and grace.

I pray that we will be reminded of our Lord’s grace to us each day. (Ephesians 1:8)

I pray that we will be reminded that we serve a Savior who understands and is in our sufferings with us. (Romans 8:34, Hebrews 4:15)

I pray that we will be reminded of our Savior’s never-ending love for his children even on the days we find it hard to get out of bed and move. (Psalm 40:11)

I pray that in the tears of the next year we will be reminded that we are not alone. We are not stranded with confusion, because our Lord is with us and he hears our cries when our pillows are wet. (Psalm 6)

I pray that anything that comes our way we will not fear, for our Savior is with us. He holds us. He cares for us. He has given us his kingdom. (Luke 12:32)

I pray that when we don’t have words we will groan because we know that the Holy Spirit will intercede for us as will the Son. (Romans 8:26 and 34)

I pray that we will always find our Lord infinitely good despite our circumstances because he is. He is infinitely good and profoundly full of grace despite our circumstances and our feelings. (Psalm 23)

I pray that we will continually rejoice in who our Lord is. His salvation. His grace. His mercy. His perfect life and his abiding love for us. (Phillippians 4:4-8)

I pray that we will be reminded that THIS is the Lord’s day. He created it and whatever happens within these 365 days he created them and nothing has happened outside of his hand. (Psalm 118:24)

I pray that we will be reminded that we and all people are created in his image. We are his children. He died for each of us for our sin is no less than our neighbors. (John 3:16-17)

I pray that we will learn to love, show justice, walk humbly and love mercy. I pray that we will put others before ourselves. (Micah 6:8)

I pray we will remember that we have been justified through faith. We have been given grace and can rejoice in the hope that he has given us through his Son. (Romans 5:1-5)

I pray that we will continually remember that one great day you will wipe away all of our tears will be wiped away. We were not made for this earth. We were made to be Home, with our Lord. (Isaiah 25:8; Revelation 21:4)

Till that day we will have hope and rejoice in who he is.

#Jesusisenough #TillweareHome

As the Kickstarter folks were receiving the book in the mail, the question of questions came up. Some folks wanted to read the book as a book club and wanted some discussion questions in order to begin the conversation. So, I rallied a few friends and asked for their input into some questions that we came up with.

Here’s the thing about discussion questions, in general, I don’t like discussion questions. I have found many times that answers tend to be yes, no or Jesus. And if anyone knows me, if I want to have a discussion about anything it isn’t usually a yes, no or “Jesus” answer. It usually comes with a lot of thinking, questioning, and thoughtfulness. With that said, I wanted questions that would make people think. I didn’t want a “Sunday School” answer. My hope, if you use these questions, that you will be in a group (or by yourself) and you will be honest with one another. I hope that my honesty in our story will lead to honesty in the discussions.

These questions are downloadable and you can use them in any kind of setting that you would like, and my hope is that eyes will always be pointed heavenward to our Savior who died for us and sustains us day by day.

I have a difficult time feeling a thrill of hope. Do you? When the world is heavy a thrill of hope is the last thing on my mind. But the anticipation of Christ’s birth? The fulfillment of prophecies would cause a thrill of hope. Something centuries in the making was about to come true and that is thrilling, but it happened so quietly.

Have you ever waited for something for so long and the actual happening of it was about to happen? Maybe waiting for your child to be born. Maybe a new business being birthed and all of your hard work are about to come to fruition. Maybe a big project at work is wrapping up. Maybe the college finish line is on the horizon. I know that gave me a thrill of hope. Knowing I’d be done and I accomplished something.

I struggled with hope for a long time. (If I’m honest, I still do on a regular basis.) Hope seemed to be something that was far off and in a certain circumstance and not in a Person. I mention in the book, about how our daughter Tullie was on oxygen for 3 years and I was putting a lot of hope in the oxygen exiting our home. I kept telling myself, “Once this oxygen leaves, things will be better.” No oxygen meant fewer appointments. No oxygen meant fewer things to carry. No oxygen meant more mobility. So, of course, no oxygen meant I could be hopeful for better things to come.

I realize it sounds silly. Placing hope in an object to make things in life feel better, but we do that often. We place our hope in people or objects that can’t fully fulfill the voids in our hearts.

The hope of a Savior coming to redeem the whole world is one to send a thrill throughout the entire body because we NEED a Savior. And the Savior has come. The prophecies have been fulfilled and Jesus has lived perfectly, died a sinner’s death and conquered death so we could have life anew and eternity with him, so why is it we still struggle with hope when Jesus has fulfilled the promises of old?

Because we live in the already and the not yet. We live among gross darkness. We live with pain and suffering. We live with death. We live with sin. When we are in Christ when we have acknowledged that he is our Savior we are no longer slaves to sin and death, but we are still living in its effects.

This is why we need Christmas. This is why we need to reminded that Jesus came for us as a little baby. He suffered from birth to his death on the cross. He knows we need him. He knows that only he can understand our grief and suffering because he has suffered what we are suffering. He knows.

“A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices…” Christ’s birth gives us a thrill of hope and we can rejoice although we are weary because the hope has been granted and his grace sustains till we are Home.