Yeva Wiest's Blog

When are hints really well-aimed manipulation? Answer: When you receive more than one.

Lately, it feels like I'm being bombarded with hints aimed at making me feel a certain way, so I will respond in an expected way. I'm tired of playing.

So, I've begun to fall back on an ancient practice taught to me by my parents - playing dumb. As a child, I thought playing dumb meant acting stupid, but the practice goes much deeper than that. It means being dumb - mute.

When I was five and my grandmother drove up the drive to our house, my father would grab me by the arm and fiercely whisper, "Play dumb."
"What about?"
"Don't tell her you saw my girlfriend...or helped me collect bootleg money...or fill in the blank indisgressions. "Don't tell my mother the cow got out of the pasture, again. Play dumb."

So, I've decided to revert to that bit of wisdom and keep my mouth shut. I'll not automatically volunteer or apologize for something I've not done. I won't fall for the not-so-subtle hints. Instead, I'll play dumb.

I've got a feeling I'm about to piss a few folks off. Not playing along will not be popular, but of course I won't notice--I'll just pinch my lips together and keep quiet.

Hmm. More later...if I'm talking.

Shaped by the classics? Did you feel your heart grow faint while reading The Scarlett Letter? Did the Turn of the Screw cause you to think of other screws? Not horror, but not deep, either. Today, I shopped for a friend's son's school list, and it contained the above gems and so much more. The Brothers Karamasov and The House of Seven Gables are sure to entertain a 14 yr. old kid from the projects. Hmmm.
Still, A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich might be relevant--if he can suspend his reality... Billy Budd, now there's a compelling tale. I was supposed to read it--back in 1972--high school. Couldn't bring myself to do it. Smoked some and thought about it, but just couldn't get that high.
Yes, the classics on his list shaped my life in one way or the other. But what will they mean to him? Will he pretend to be Hester and wear a scarlett letter on his breast? I did. Just wanted to see how it felt. Maybe, it would have been more radical to wear a pink Q, but back then no one would have gotten it.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is on his list, and I bought it. I figured he might want to "act out," befriend someone society says he shouldn't and (at least metaphorically) take off down the river.
Then again, maybe, the classics will provide tickets to other worlds, deeper travels, and higher thought.
Who knows?

This afternoon I watched the newest Harry Potter film. I must say I enjoyed it very much, but throughout the movie, I kept thinking about how it would feel in the last five seconds of my life. The characters were constantly on the brink of death-tottering on the balcony railing--balancing but in danger whether or not they fell. In front of them was certain destruction, but behind them was the creeping menance. And I wondered...

What will those five seconds be like? Like Potter, will I have sudden insights that pull me from the brink? Or will I fall thinking of nothing more than "Oh crap?" I wonder. I hope that some worthwhile insight blooms in that tiny time frame and illuminates for me all the meanings I've misunderstood. Maybe, I'll have time to send out - project - the love I have contained inside to those who need it.

I don't know what those last five seconds will be like, but I hope that I appreciate them. Like Potter and his friends, I hope those seconds are just the next step in my adventure - in this life or another.