Des M. Astor's Blog

Isn’t the image you see there interesting? 50+ actors for NSFW work on Fiverr, even if it’s supposedly against “Terms and Conditions”. I find it very interesting how when I had “pro”, I was actively encouraged to update my icon and talked about my NSFW gig work, never told to stop doing that.

Ever.

Until a certain situation came up, resulting in the perma-suspension of my account:

A client had wanted NSFW audio, and needed porn as reference material. I want to make it clear – I was uncomfortable by the concept but willing to do it because I need the money and it hadn’t crossed boundaries yet. We communicated in discord as Fiverr is ‘anti NSFW’ even though they literally let us have entire gigs up there, and there’s plenty of people selling.

I find it so interesting that they’re profiting off of NSFW voice workers yet in the blink of an eye, can delete your account because of an abusive buyer, which is 100% the case here.

I had 100+ reviews on the site and great rapport – wiped away all in an instant with no chance of getting it back (Trust me, I reached out to CS, they were ‘professionally’ rude.)

Here’s what my rapport looked like:

Glad I managed to snag my 100 reviews before my account was wiped out. I also have a picture of the gig.

Fiverr knew what I was doing, as support was contacted multiple times for that exact gig through various issues that cropped up.

So why let it go on this long without a warning?

Because they’re reaping profit off of NSFW workers even if it’s ‘against their terms’ until the moment they decide otherwise.

The buyer said their last account was suspended. They lose nothing by getting mine taken down. They can just make another – Fiverr says it’s ‘against their terms’ but people do it anyway. Buyers have way too much power on that website, and they let it happen. It’s bullshit. Who cares if ‘they got actioned too’, they weren’t building up shit.

One final note on the Fiverr section: It’s apparently against their terms to communicate outside of fiverr, which is absoloutely suspicious and honestly sounds like it should be illegal. That entire website is hell for freelancers.

Sex Work: The Purge

Puritian culture, which enables abusers, is causing the ‘purification’ of the internet, which really means people who do any sort of NSFW work are getting punished. Look at the situation with Onlyfans… Tumblr… anyone who tried to get rid of sex work.

It’s not protecting children. What would protect children would be online spaces without the expectation of spending money that are moderated. No one who pushes anti-NSFW attitudes on places where adults gather is interested in helping children at all.

What’s the end result?

Sex workers can’t offer their services and are scorned/bashed in either way. “Sex sells”, something spouted out on a bloody regular basis, yet…. where?

There’s no place for a freelancer to offer audio that is NSFW similar to fiverr. Upwork – against terms. No point in even trying on there. The only places to go are infested with predators where sex workers don’t have control.

Including places supposedly sex positive. Onlyfans bans certain consensual fetishes, like any mention of blood (including fake). So… no vampire content there, only ‘the most common denominator’ can apparently be catered to.

Not super useful for someone with a niche.

All of this means abusers like the one who got my account suspended get all of the power when we stick up for ourselves. Places like fiverr perpetuate that entirely, and I for one don’t ever recommend using it. They take 20% of everything earned anyway. Useless leeches.

My experience with Audio Sex Work

…has been nothing short of miserable. I am full of stories from people who do not know boundaries and cannot separate the voiced content from the actor. So many horrible creeps from fiverr, so I’m more numb than anything. I’m writing this article to get the word out there about what’s going on and add my voice into all of this.

Long story short, I’m doing this work because I need the money. I’m heavily in debt and am apparently good at what I do. I’m good at ACTING. Because I can promise you I’m not actually ‘getting into’ the content I’m voicing.

Most of the time, unless I’m treated with respect (which totally changes things), I’m miserable. However, if I am treated with respect, seen as a person, and separated from the work – that’s when it feels rewarding.

This wouldn’t be the case if people engaged with the media in a respectful way, as it’s supposed to be. Like any other piece of entertainment, but people have to go and make it fucking weird.

Where I’m going from here

This is likely a blessing in disguise, given how miserable I was on that platform. The only annoying thing is the rapport being gone in a ‘thanos snap’. I had 100+ reviews, that’s all just… gone.

But I’m now on GWA, which hopefully will build up my rapport and allow commissions to come in.

I have an NSFW-work carrd, and write scripts I voice act for the ‘audio porn’.

I’ll have control over my own business now without needing to worry about 20% of my income being stolen.

Being seen for things other than NSFW work

…something I’d prefer.

I put my heart and soul into my dark urban fantasy series. It’s a vampire apocalypse that needs more love. I’m doing NSFW vocal stuff because it makes money and I want to actually put some money into the creative works I enjoy.

Anyway.

Thanks for hearing me out. Try to avoid hellsites like Fiverr. Support sex workers.

I feel like I’m screaming into the void, even when trying to bring attention to important matters like an AI-bro stealing the work of an animator and striking the original content.

I can’t even get my own content out there, I’m not big by any means, so this tells me someone can willy nilly steal all of my hard work for either voicing or writing and no one will care at ALL. Because I’m not popular, I don’t have 1000000 followers, and so, why bother.

It saps away my muse and motivation, and it feels shitty. I don’t know why I keep going. I love creating but my desire to do so is ever-dwindling because I simply have no hope. This depression of mine keeps creeping in, and I’ve finally been able to abate it, but when things like this happen, I scream into the void, only to be met with very little traction, it starts to creep in again.

I’ve felt unheard my entire life, and for that to just continue, why fucking bother.

I saw this on Twitter and was compelled to write this, because as an author, it hit me to my core about how utterly disgusting this concept is. I never could understand the idea of ‘the character is too unrelatable’. It’s been a foolish excuse for people to push something aside they may not like for personal reasons.

But, and this is indeed an opinionated dig at many people, if you don’t expand your horizons to other peoples’ experiences because you ‘can’t relate’, then you’re incredibly closed minded.

We, as empathetic, social animals, should be open to learning about other peoples’ experiences and listening. Not everything has to revolve around us. I enjoy hearing other peoples’ stories, and sometimes I really can’t relate, but I can listen, and I can learn.

It’s just so frustrating to see art dissolved and filtered down to things ‘only the masses can relate to’. It’s why I’ve felt so alone dealing with my inner struggles, there’s just things not widely spoken about because it ‘doesn’t appeal to the masses’.

I see ‘Inside Out’ being widely praised and honestly, couldn’t relate to Riley much, or her parents, as mine were divorced. Her likes were different from mine, I don’t care about nor enjoy sports. And yet, I loved that movie a lot. Even if I couldn’t relate, but many of the ‘masses’ could.

Just like, in terms of Turning Red, how I wasn’t ever a child in Canada and am not Chinese. I’m a white woman with a very different childhood, and while some aspects are similar, there are many deviations. And yet, I absolutely loved that movie, as an adult, because I could relate to Mei’s emotions. I was rooting for her and really thought it was such a cool movie. I wish I had the strength to stand up to my mother at that age.

Anyway.

Two movies, one seen as ‘not successful’, one seen as ‘very successful’. It’s not that difficult to see why that may be, if you look at the writing on the wall, but I will leave that to more qualified voices to speak about.

In my case? I wanted to call out the storywriting and experiences aspect, because stories and art in general should NOT just be appealing because it is ‘relatable’, it should be appealing to share experiences and learn about each other.

Hey all!

Enjoy this trailer for my audiobook and please check out the book itself here!

If you are a reviewer and want a free code, feel free to message me on twitter @therealdesastr.

Hello and welcome to my celebration post of my “Kingdoms of Blood” series! I’m a bit late, as I think I’ve missed all book birthdays, but hey, better late than never.

Both The Dancing Crow and Huntsmaster City are now on audiobook! Here is a video celebrating the voices, and you can visit the audiobook credits page to see their links.

One thing I do wish I did better with is casting for Darcia. I’d have Oriel voice for Sam, and a Black woman voice for Darcia, given a bigger budget and chance in the future. Oriel was recommended to me as an actress by my friend Mass, who is also an actor himself. While he wasn’t able to end up in this book due to circumstances out of our control, I definitely have him in mind for future projects should he wish to.

But I need to be more cognizant of casting the proper diversity in the future. Unfortunately, these decisions were made a couple years ago, when I was a bit more ignorant than I am now.

That will change for the voice lines for Claws of Midgard, where with guidance I was able to correct that ignorance, and will do so going forward. That’ll be an audio drama.

In this case, though, the audiobook is perspective-based - first person, so the narrator is the character. When I write first-person, I don’t think I’ll do the special audio-drama format simply because it’s meant to be the character telling the story in that first-person way and doing their best to mimic (or mock) the voices of other characters.

Despite my blunder with casting, though, I am super proud of this audiobook and hope people enjoy it. The performances were all around excellent, even if I would have had someone aside from me voice Cecelia and Sam (sadly, not in the budget!).

Fun fact: I have two takes of both Sam and Cecelia’s lines. This book (Huntsmaster) was in production for so long that I improved my acting and went back to fix it! Same thing for my part in The Dancing Crow as well.

I’m most proud of my lore for living vampires in this series. A lot of people love how I brought something new to the table, and I’m thrilled they do. Also, the degree of horror in this series is much higher than I initially thought. I get so proud when people describe it as “vampire horror”.

So! If you’re looking for a vampire horror rich with magic and with some lovely romantic subplots, check it out!

I’m going to get into some spoilers below, so if you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read on.

SPOILERS START

First, I found it so funny how Cameron made Smoke voice Ares so dramatically. Ares sounds nothing like that, yet it’s exactly what Smoke would do to mock Ares, and I find that so perfect and on the nose!

Rein did awesome as Ares, as usual, and I especially loved one of the most dramatic scenes of the book and how well he did with it – the being stabbed by Cecelia part. That scene was inspired by these two songs: Kiss the Girl because the way it’s sang, and Can’t help Falling in Love because of the same reason.

Smoke x Darcia have an adorable ship. I love all of my ships, but their enemies to lovers one is something I’m proud of. If you read the book or have read it, I hope you notice(d) Darcia saying: “Does he always wake up looking perfect…?” and, later, Smoke’s line of thought of “How did she look so perfect at every given moment in time?” I thought that mirror was really cute.

Goliath x Sam had actually been established in Red Viper, but we got to see the couple fighting alongside one another. I like carrying on the story of ships when I can, and plan on doing so in the future books too, even if they’re not MCs. I got to show the badass side of both though, which was a lot of fun. There were a lot of implications regarding their relationship. Does Sam submit to Goliath? Hmmm… Maybe

Cecelia x Ares – oh, that one was a tough one to balance. Really tough. I didn’t want Cecelia forgiven for what she did right away, but also, Ares is the type of person to be a bleeding heart (as we saw) and understanding. He was hurt but still there for her. Cece’s story is particularly important to me. She went through a lot of trauma but wasn’t sex-adverse – like me. She wanted to enjoy herself with her lover on her own terms, which was important. I hope the tone change from her in the beginning to her in the end was captured well. We’ll get to see more of her growing powers in the next book.

Which leads me to the next exciting chapter of the Kingdoms of Blood – Cobratongue University. As of right now, the book is going through a rewrite, with a lot changing, and a lot expanding. I will be making it an entirely new book at this point, with a new title and cover.

The current book is not canon anymore (sorry). Anyone who read the initial book will get a free ebook and later audiobook of the new one. Stay tuned! Lots of exciting things – don’t worry. Character arcs will remain the same. Falls & Derek will show up in the last two books far later in the series rather than be involved in this one.

Dr. Astral is a MUCH MUCH bigger threat…and there will be plenty of horror elements to enjoy.

I hope you liked this deep dive into my series! Be sure to look into it here should you be interested.

Bloganuary writing promptWhat is your favorite animal?View all responsesImage by Alexa from Pixabay

I am a huge lover of animals in general, and it’s so hard to pick my favorite. I guess, given I won’t shut up about foxes, they’d be the ones, but also not true because I love so many of them equally. So, I figured why not just talk about my favorite animals in general, and why I love them so much. This is also in no particular order by the way.

(1) Fox

Such beautiful and versatile animals, what’s not to love about foxes? I’ve loved them since I’ve been a small child given I was fascinated with the idea of domesticating them. Now I know there’s no easy way to own a pet fox, of course, like you would a dog, but it was a dream when I was younger.

Not only are they majestic, but… they’re also very derpy, and I love that about them. I mean, take a look at this video:

I love that channel so much and donated to save some foxes from a fur farm. That video is an excellent display of just how derpy foxes can be.

(2) Bats

Image by Jose Miguel Guardeño from Pixabay

Basically sky puppies. I don’t understand why people hate bats because they are adorable. You should be careful around them due to the rabies risk, but also, it’s grossly exaggerated just how many of them actually have it (still, always get a shot if you think you’ve been bitten). Not only are bats important to the ecosystem (which shouldn’t matter, the idea that something has to be useful to exist is disgusting), but they’re just wonderful animals in general.

They’re super misunderstood. They’re important to me enough that I would like to get a bat-related tattoo someday, and I modeled one of the monsters my persona turns into off of a bat + a dragon.

Please enjoy this video of some adorable baby bats:

(3) Komodo Dragon

Image by 12019 from Pixabay

Komodo dragons are badass, and are real dragons in the flesh in our world. Sure, they can’t breathe fire, but they have a venomous bite that can take down very large prey. They’re highly intelligent animals, and gigantic to boot. I love reptiles in general, including snakes, of course. But I wanted to highlight the komodo dragon in particular because, I mean, it’s a bloody DRAGON!

Enjoy this baby komodo getting scratches. If I ever have the means someday, I’d love to adopt a monitor lizard (not a komodo, of course, lol.)

(4) Spiders

Image by 12019 from Pixabay

Extremely misunderstood animals, spiders are amazing. I got rid of my fear when I volunteered at a nature center and got to hold a harmless tarantula. Did you know that tarantulas can shatter if you drop them? They’re actually very delicate.

But spiders do not scare me, and never will. Some are even quite intelligent. I love jumping spiders because they can be so cute. Most spiders are entirely harmless to us humans, and sadly they have a horrible rep.

Enjoy this video of a dancing spider:

(5) Cats

Image by Claudia from Pixabay

I adore cats and want to adopt one sometime. I’m definitely more of a cat person now than when I was a child. I have a character based off of a cat that I unfortunately needed to say goodbye to long ago, who was a family cat named “Percy”. They are wonderful animals with so much love and can be independent, too.

Plus, who doesn’t love a good cat video?

My main character in a video game I play, FFXIV, is a cat woman, if that tells you anything.

Enjoy some kittens:;

(6) Crows

Image by Alexa from Pixabay

Well, both crows and ravens, of course. They are such beautiful, smart animals, and I love them so much. I based one of my main characters off of them, after all! I want to make friends with a flock of crows sometime, I think that’d be lovely. They also encompass my personality with their derpiness and love for shiny things.

Have some ravens playing in snow:

I hope you enjoyed my fun little prompt about animals I love! If you’re interested in vampire horror, check out my audiobook “The Dancing Crow”, which also has one of my favorite animals in it, naturally.

Get my audiobook here!

What is your mission?

Art by gynesisx!

I’m an author, and super proud to be one. I can’t stop creating, and one of the creations I’m most proud of is the lore for my “Kingdoms of Blood” series, living vampires.

There’s something special about worldbuilding that I can’t describe. Fulfilling a piece of myself would probably be the best thing to say about it, to be honest. No matter how many books I write, I want to write more, and wish I had the time to do so. Heck, I roleplay in FFXIV because I can’t get enough of creating! Check out the piece I got of my elezen below from FFXIV, one of my roleplay characters. He’s badass.

This art piece is by Raksz!

Of course, the worlds I do create tend to be rather violent and dark, but with hope in the ending and very powerful heroes. It’s how I roll! Like in The Dancing Crow with one of my favorite OCs, Ares.

But yeah, what I want to continue to do is write and hopefully reach people with my worldbuilding, character development, and lessons. I like to teach emotional intelligence in men in my works, bring awareness to survivors of SA, and show that one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (ironic, right?). Most of my characters look like monsters, and are, but hey, they have morals.

My mission in life will therefore always be to worldbuild and write, and as of recently, bringing voices to people’s creations too with my voice acting skills. Such creative endeavors are currently being challenged by soulless AI bullshit, so be sure to support REAL artists of all kinds, be them writers, visual artists, voice artists, and more!

If you’re curious about some of my works, check out “The Dancing Crow” audiobook below

Check out my vampire audiobook here!

Image by PIRO from Pixabay

I absoloutely love fairy tales, and they’ve inspired my love for fantasy right along with mythology in general. A lot of people complain about retellings lately, but I’m in the other boat of absoloutely loving a retold fairy tale. After all, all stories have been told already, but it’s all about what elements or lessons you bring forward that make a particular story different.

I’ve seen takes of fairy tales I’ve not particularly enjoyed, or which feel stale. Disney is commonly cited for example for softening fairy tales, as their origins tend to be darker than what Disney shows. A good example of this is The Little Mermaid. The Disney version gives Ariel and Eric a happily ever after, but the true myth had the mermaid agree to stab the prince, realize she could not do it, and proceed to turn into sea foam. Ouch.

Granted, me bringing up Disney’s the Little Mermaid here doesn’t mean I dislike the story by any means. If anything, I’d bring up Disney Sleeping Beauty as something I dislike. That isn’t the case for the retelling, Maleficent. I love that movie dearly, with its dark, mystifying feel and the twist on the villain. Sleeping Beauty itself however is stale and uses a lot of tropes I’m happy to leave behind.

The point is, some folks love softening of fairy tales, and some like making them darker. Doing either is a good way to make a fairy tale different enough from the origin or other stories. Are you writing for people who would prefer a lighter tale? Is that your writing style? Go for it, and make sure to be more interesting than what Disney did! What about going darker and adding in some heavy themes? That’s something I really like even if some do not (like the live action Alice in Wonderland, something I enjoy for the same reason many dislike it). Either way works, it depends on your audience.

I think the important thing is to research the fairy tale and how it actually goes, then deciding on how to change it. Your messaging, theme, and what others in the past have done to twist the tales. I fancy adding magic to it myself, turning an already fantastical tale into something even more bursting with magic. Either that, or adding monsters/turning the main characters into ‘monsters’.

How about a werewolf and vampire red riding hood? Heard that one before, or the concept? Probably, but why not write your own version of it? I’d find an excuse to add vampires into everything though. After all, my works are centered around vampires. That and a ton of magic.

You don’t even need to make a whole new story for this sort of thing, either. How about theming your characters around a fairy tale? There’s hints, for example, of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ in my novel Cobratongue University: Professors and Kings between Luna and Jasper. Falls and Derek would have hints of Hansel and Gretel.

Speaking of having multiple fairy tales reflected in your characters, why not blend some of them together? Somewhat of a silly example, but Shrek (which is unironically good!) does that with the twist on fairy tales. Something a bit more serious and very well praised is Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. That addresses heavy themes like death while still using a blend of fairy tales.

All in all, there’s many ways to modify and retell fairy tales that will gain interest of a reader. Make it softer, make it heavier, have themes echo in a larger story through characters, mix and match. I wouldn’t be discouraged by complaints of retellings being overdone. There’s plenty of folks like me out there who love retellings!

That said, for this October, I highly recommend my vampire horror, The Dancing Crow. The audiobook is linked below, and its sequel, Huntsmaster City, will be on audiobook soon too. Support me and check it out! Thank you!

This lovely piece of art is credited to SolLillium! Please get my vampire horror audiobook The Dancing Crow here!

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Hauntings and spirits are classic in paranormal fantasy and horror. I know I’ve been spooked by ghosts in horror movies, especially when it comes to found footage. Back when I was younger, Paranormal Activity got me because I thought it was based off of a true story. Then, to this day, I find The Ring quite scary.

The idea of the dead coming back and being able to torment you, with you not being able to do a thing about it, is truly terrifying. Not all spirits and ghosts need to be depicted that way, though! Some can be playful and harmless, or even warn you regarding greater dangers. It all depends on the story, and how you’d like your ghost to act.

Hopefully this will give you some ideas you could implement in you stories.

(1) Haunted vehicles

Image by SerenityArt from Pixabay

There’s a short horror youtube video called ROT that strikes a similar feeling to the Silent Hill movies. The car radio switches on and goes to static, and it gives a rather haunting feeling. The focus isn’t necessarily the car or ghost, but it feels like a good train (hah!) of thought for this sort of thing. Having an out of control radio giving static, or words sometimes, can be neat. I know there’s interrupted broadcasts that could also be a basis for a good haunting.

Haunted trains work well too, speaking of which. Train accidents can be devastating, and there could be multiple ghosts haunting one train. Perhaps they can warn of another accident that may be coming, if you’re not going for aggressive, dangerous ghosts.

The most dangerous ghosts, though, are the ones that would take control of a vehicle to possibly lead the protagonist to their death. However, this can be twisted, where it seems like the ghost is trying to kill the protagonist, but in reality is trying to save them. I think that concept could also be done really well.

(2) Haunted books

Image by 8385 from Pixabay

This one feels like a classic for sure. Haunted books that fall out of book shelves are something we see in fantasy and horror a lot. However, one thing I see less of is words changing in a book at random, which could be super interesting. It could change to threats or warnings, depending on the role you want your ghost to play.

Or, if you don’t want the text of the book to change, have it turn to random pages and even include random objects being placed on certain words or phrases. There is a lot that can be done with this. Maybe your ghost was an author, and that was their book? If I passed, I’d probably haunt The Dancing Crow, as it’s a vampire horror book I’m proud of.

You could even have the book be the only copy in existence, or an unfinished manuscript. Something that for some reason begins to finish itself as the events of the story press on, and the ghost is trying to tell the protagonist something. It could certainly be used very well in a paranormal mystery novel.

(3) Cursed song (that summons the ghost)

Photo by Mikhail Nilov

A cursed song that can summon a ghost may be a neat idea. You could work a bard-necromancer into the story this way, if you’re delving more into dark fantasy than horror. However, a song that summons a spirit every time it’s played can be potentially dangerous. Imagine a killer who uses that song to sic a spirit on their victims? That could be pretty neat. Every time the song plays, it could mean death.

It could also indirectly be a warning omen. You’d hear the song, then other things happen related to a haunting, which chases people away. This could happen before some sort of devastating event, where this ghost and song would be a protagonist. This can also go hand in hand with actual cursed images (cognitohazard anyone?). This song could have significance to the spirit or be some sort of summoning ritual. It would be super neat either way!

(4) Classic: Mirror (but with a twist?)

Image by Sarah Richter from Pixabay

Speaking of a ghost that could warn you, what about one that appears in a mirror? We know the classic ‘ghost in a mirror ends up killing the person who is looking into it’ or your reflection going after you. That is awesome, but you could also introduce a twist. Have your protagonist fixate on the obvious something-being-wrong with their reflection, or seeing a ghost behind them, but the entity is actually trying to warn them about something horrifying.

This twist would be interesting. If you’re looking for an unhappy ending for the protagonist in the end, have the ghost fail to warn them properly because they’re just too afraid of said ghost. Would be an interesting look at how things that can be ‘bad omens’ or ‘trying to warn people’ end up failing anyway, but not due to their own fault.

(5) Possessed loved one

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

What would you do if someone else was in your loved one? And only you seemed to know it? There is a disorder where people think their loved ones are replaced, which is due to a brain issue. However, in this story, it would be true, and I imagine it would be terrifying because everyone would think it’s that disorder. We see possession all the time, but something far more subtle in a story could be interesting.

Even more interesting if it’s a departed loved one possessing a living person. Or if the ghost possessing your protagonists’ loved one is not actually trying to harm them, but is doing so anyway just by improperly possessing them. Or, even more interesting, the protagonist is dead, possessing a loved one, and not even knowing it. There’s a lot that can be done with psychological horror in that case.

I hope I gave you some interesting ideas for ghosts in dark fantasy and horror! Let me know if you use any of these in your story, and feel free to comment that. Share this around as well, I plan on regularly updating this blog with brainstorming ideas like this to spark creative ideas for writers!

Speaking of horror, you should check out The Dancing Crow audiobook, which is an excellent vampire horror written by yours truly.

She was me, but I didn’t like that. I never really liked ‘me’, to be honest. Why would I, when I felt like everyone else just tolerated me, at best? An irrational thought. Which is why I liked ‘me’ even less.

I scowled, and so did my reflection.

Sometimes, I wished she would do something else. It would be terrifying, but it would show me that something else was going on in this world. Or it would just tell me I had another thing wrong with me on top of everything else.

Or maybe not.

Because that’s exactly what happened next. My scowl in the mirror faded into a deeper frown, but that didn’t make sense, because I was still scowling. I felt a pit form in my stomach as panic began to set in. Now, I smiled.

My reflection didn’t.

“No… no no no… no… please, go back to normal. I didn’t mean to think that,” I mumbled, taking a step back and just hitting the door. My expression faded back into a deep frown, and I felt my breathing intensify.

Now, my reflection smiled and shook her head. She seemed to consider things for a moment before she almost gave me an apologetic expression. Then…she spoke in my voice.

“No one is going to believe you,” she said softly, sending shivers down my spine. “But you know that,” she mused. Then, she chuckled, a laugh so sinister that I found myself wondering vaguely if I could mimic the sound. She nodded. “You can.” I widened my eyes. “Yes, I can hear your thoughts. They are mine. Did you know…” She tilted her head.

She reached down and produced a knife from her pocket, one that hadn’t been in mine. Snapped out of my frozen-fear reaction, I whirled toward the door and tried opening it. A chuckle rang out behind me. “You know that won’t work. When does it ever work?” Though she had a point, I kept trying for obvious reasons.

“You might as well turn around and look at me,” she said. I shook my head, reasoning the best thing to do right now was to not look at her. I heard her tsk and say, “Don’t you want to know why you’re bleeding on your cheek?”

At that moment, I felt a sharp pain on followed by a warm trickle of liquid drag down the side of my face and winced. I reached up and wiped it away, looking down to see crimson.

Blood.

Of course it was.

Clenching my jaw, I turned to stare at my reflection. She was bleeding too, and now wore a smirk.

“What do you want?!” I snapped, barely able to speak through the stress. Oddly, my reflection momentarily looked impressed. She must be fully aware I usually couldn’t speak during times like this.

“For you to know something,” she said. She let that sink in for a moment before continuing. “I could, at any point in time, end your life. You know the trope well, right? I could rip your jaw off by doing it to myself. I could use this knife and carve your face off. I could cut through the tendons of your arms, your legs. It would be quite agonizing, wouldn’t it? We have quite the imagination. Somehow, I’d be fine. But you? You’d be dead after a very painful experience.”

I no longer could speak, as my throat had closed. I couldn’t scream, as that’s just not something I really did in fear. I could only stare at her now, a tear trickling down my cheek and mixing with my blood. I opened my mouth, then closed it.

“You’re trying to ask why,” she snickered. “Why I would do that. Why I would threaten it. Does it matter ‘why’? I could. That’s the only thing that does matter,” she said. Her grin widened into an unnaturally wide smile, and her pupils grew to encompass her entire eye.

She was a monster.

My reflection had turned into something else, yet was still me. I knew, deep down, she could do all of the things she promised.

‘Why’ doesn’t matter. It only matters that you could, I thought, and she nodded. She stared at me, tilting her head and wearing that eerie smile for just a moment.

“No one will believe you, either. You know that, too. You’re going to look unhinged, because you are. This is really happening, you will know it right down to your instincts. Yet there is nothing you can do, and no one you can tell. You are alone.”

I am… I thought to myself.

“Except, you aren’t alone. I’m here. And maybe it would be better if you were truly alone. I could do a number of horrible things to you, physically and mentally. But so can everyone else. You know that. It could happen any time for no reason at all. Somehow, that is worse. Isn’t it?,” she asked softly.

Her stare turned apologetic as I swallowed, feeling the edges of my vision darken.

She said, “That’s why I won’t kill you. What is the point? But I could change my mind, couldn’t I. At any time I’d like.”

Everything went black.

*****

I woke up in a hospital bed, staring off into the distance and not truly hearing anyone. They were all muffled. I opened my mouth to tell them, but realized it would be pointless. No one would believe me anyway.

My reflection could do that at any point in time, right? She said she could…. She made a point, too. Anyone could do a number of horrible things and for no reason at all. What if they did so, one day? Or if they just left me alone with her forever. If I told them, they would just think I was crazy.

No incidents happened for several months, but I couldn’t get what happened out of my head. I avoided mirrors, yet still caught my reflection every so often.

Eventually I managed to dismiss it as a dream. It was the only way I could live.

One day, I felt comfortable enough to take out the mirror in my purse. My reflection had only tormented me in that one particular bathroom mirror, that one singular time. No other mirror caused an incident.

Until today. My eyes remained wide open.

Yet my reflection winked at me.

Author Note: Hello! I hope you liked my short horror story. It’s actually meant to be a psychological horror based on my trauma from childhood and my mood disorder. I tried to capture the paranoia that anything could go wrong at any time for no reason. I hope you enjoyed it. It’s rough living with the irrational fear that everyone is just tolerating you and will snap someday. Please take care of your mental health

Also, if you’re interested in horror topics, please follow my channel DesastrNarrations and check out videos like The Uncanny Valley of Sound!

If you want more horror, check out my Vampire Horror audiobook “The Dancing Crow”!