Jordan Daniel Chitwood's Blog

From August 2021 through October 2022, I dealt with a heavy darkness that consumed me. Out of this darkness, my new book Will I Always Feel This Way? was birthed, and so while the fourteen months of heaviness did not go unused by God, they certainly were unappreciated by me.

This is why I find much hope in Hebrews 3:1,

"Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest." Hebrews 3:1, NIV, Emphasis my own

During my season of darkness, my thoughts, feelings, and actions reflected that of the season. They were negative, discouraging, and overwhelming. The lies of the enemy were just slightly louder than a subtle whisper, yet were strong enough to convince me that I was better off dead.

Whenever I see a therefore used to start a chapter, I always navigate toward the end of the previous chapter to see what thoughts the writers were continuing in the verse at hand. Hebrews 2:18 adds so much more context and clarity to the passage before us. The author of Hebrew writes:

"Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted."

Friend, when the lies or actions of the enemy are tempting and taunting you, fix your thoughts on the One who saves.

Let's be honest: Fixing our thoughts on Jesus is a lot easier said than done. Even though I may know that God loves me (John 3:16), considers me His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), and He Himself is Truth (John 14:6), remembering those things while being tempted or taunted by the enemy is difficult. Here are a three things we can do to create a rhythm that redirects our thoughts on Jesus.

1) Force ourselves to repeat out loud these three truth's from God: I am Loved, I am His Masterpiece, He is Truth. The enemy wants to keep us trapped in our mind which is where our thoughts run rampant. By creating a rhythm of redirecting our thoughts towards these Truths, we can gradually repair our discouraged or tainted mindset.

2) Switch up the battlefield to avoid the enemy trapping you. Toxic thoughts not only feel suffocating, they are suffocating. Sometimes switching up our environment by taking a five minute walk will reset our focus on the One who saves.

3) Reach out to a trusted friend and ask for encouragement. I know, this feels SUPER awkward and uncomfortable, but works wonders for us when we are experiencing negative thoughts. Most people love the idea of encouraging one another more than actually encouraging them. It doesn't mean we are insincere with our love, just that we are inconsistent with vocalizing our love. If you have friends who you know care about you, I guarantee they would be more than willing to send you some encouragement in your times of distress—they may just need a gentle reminder or nudge.

Friend, while the darkness may last awhile, you will not always feel this way. Fix your thoughts on Jesus and watch the negative thoughts flee.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Psalm 30:11-12, ESV

I stood by in awe while witnessing Heaven on earth in front of me. Our teens were listening to my mama teach about the grace of God and how Jesus redeems our stories. Students all throughout the room were leaning in and listening as my mama shared some broken chapters of her testimony.

Off to the side, one student in particular was weeping while others surrounded her with a comforting embrace. It was cool to see our teens surround one another with love and open arms.

Following the teaching, our worship team took the stage and started playing music as a form of a response time for the teens. Some students stood with their arms raised, others sat in silence as they processed the teaching, and others were grouped up holding one another. My eyes drifted to the back of the room and witnessed Psalm 30:11-12 come to life.

The student who had been weeping just moments ago, was now dancing joyfully for the King. It was the most beautiful thing I had witnessed the entire weekend. My eyes started to tear up, and I began praising God for creating a space where His creation can go from mourning to dancing, from sadness to gladness, and from silence to praise. The God we serve is a good God.

If anything, this is an encouraging reminder that the throne of our King is open to all responses. God is not intimidated by our weeping, mourning, joyful dancing, or praising. God welcomes all we have as a faithful offering at His feet.

So, approach God with all you have, no matter what that looks like today. God will meet you where you are and love you all the same.

*My third book, Will I Always Feel This Way? focuses on Mental Illness and releases on May 9 for Mental Health Awareness Month*

What does Ash Wednesday mean for me? I found myself pondering this question this morning as my dog woke me up at 1:30 AM and my mind has kept me awake since.

Ash Wednesday means that I am forgiven. It is a yearly reminder that I am a sinner saved by grace in desperate need of a Savior. It is a day which causes me to pause and embrace how broken I should be, yet, through the ashes of my shame, God has stretched his arm out to carry me home.

Ash Wednesday reminds me that I can't do this on my own. As a person with a perfectionist personality, I don't like to be reminded of this. I try and I try and I try, and sometimes I still fail. Yet, through the ashes of my failures, God has shown up in marvelous ways.

Ash Wednesday reminds me that sin will never satisfy my soul. Through prayer and discernment, God has exposed the ugliest sides of my heart. Yet, through the ashes of my sins, God has pulled me out of the darkness and into the light.

Ash Wednesday reminds me of the importance of prayer. And not just speaking to God, no, but simply sitting in still silence, listening for His voice. My mind often wanders as distractions arise. Yet, through the ashes of life's distractions, God still listens.

What does Ash Wednesday mean for me? Because of God's grace, I have a lifetime to ponder that question.

I Love Jesus, But I Want to Die.

That was the book in my hands. The book I found on the internet, added to my shopping cart, and selected “buy now.” A book which perfectly described the season of life I found myself surviving in. It was no secret my depression had come back. Thoughts of suicide and self-harm were running rampant throughout my mind.

“A pastor isn’t supposed to feel this way,” I told myself. Yet, this pastor did feel that way. This pastor has spent over a decade feeling that way. But the question I found myself asking more recently felt heavier than anything I had the energy to carry. A question perhaps, you have asked yourself: Will I always feel this way?

Excerpt from Will I Always Feel This Way?

I am so excited to announce that my new book, Will I Always Feel This Way, will release in May for mental health awareness month! This book is jam packed with vulnerable stories and accompanied with next steps and reflection questions for people to process.

Covering topics such as suicide, anxiety, depression, self-harm, loneliness, and more, Will I Always Feel This Way, will give you the tools to continue fighting the good fight, one day at a time.

Introduction

Chapter 1: I Am Weary

Chapter 2: Under the Broom Tree

Chapter 3: You Need Friends

Chapter 4: Tearing Nets and Slaying Giants

Chapter 5: The Garden of Grief

Chapter 6: Father to the Fatherless

Chapter 7: Hopelessness Relapse

Chapter 8: God May Not Heal You

Chapter 9: Take Heart!

Chapter 10: Just Quit

Chapter 11: Such A Time As This

Conclusion: Feed My Sheep

To Pre-save my new book, click here:

This year I made a goal of reading more and had the privilege of reading a lot of great books! Here are my top 10 favorite fiction and nonfiction books from 2022:

10) Not in it to Win it by Andy Stanley

9) Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

8) Counting Spoons by Kathryn Inman

7) Lead Like it Matters by Craig Groeschel

6) Being With God by AJ Sherill

5) How God Changes Your Brain by Andrew Newberg

4) How We Love Matters by Albert Tate

3) Good and Beautiful and Kind by Rich Villodas

2) I Love Jesus, But I Want To Die by Sarah J. Robinson

1) The Last Supper on the Moon by Levi Lusko

10) The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave

9) The Sanatorium by Sarah Pearse

8) Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

7) November 9 by Colleen Hoover

6) The Escape Room by Megan Goldin

5) The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

4) Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

3) The Night Swim by Megan Goldin

2) Stay Awake by Megan Goldin

1) Daisy Darker by Alice Feeney

I am looking forward to reading more books in 2023!

Others' thoughts of me have always held power.

My first memories of feeling insecure come as early as when I was three years old. Our next-door neighbor had an older son who I wanted so deeply to impress and be like. But when he was invited to a fourth-grade-only party, and I (a three-year-old) was not, I felt disappointment flood my chest. I wasn't cool enough to hang out with the boys.

In first grade, I was asked by my teacher to stand at the front of the line because I was the shortest kid in the class. My friends snickered at me as I made my way to the front so that I could be seen better by my teacher.

In second grade, my teacher labeled me the troublemaker. Every report card had a bountiful list of things for me to work on with little to celebrate. I embraced that label early on, and soon became the class clown seeking the laughs of my friends.

In third grade, I was sent to speech therapy class every Wednesday because I had a difficult time speaking certain syllables. I was the only one who left class every Wednesday at 10:00 am while the rest of my friends did story time. Seeing the looks of judgment on their faces as I left the classroom left me feeling discouraged.

In fifth grade, I ran down the hallway with my friends screaming "The British are Coming, the British are coming!" We got in trouble, and our teacher pulled all 100 students out of their classroom later that day to reprimand us in front of the entire fifth-grade class. I sat there in utter embarrassment as my girlfriend at the time held her head down, ashamed of her boyfriend. Needless to say, our relationship didn't survive.

In middle school, I had a different girlfriend every single week because the thought of being in a relationship validated my worth.

In high school, I was constantly seeking the validation of my friends. Every time I was the laughing stock of their jokes or bullying, I brushed it off and continued seeking their approval.

In college, I tried to act like I had my entire life figured out. I remember growing eerily jealous of my Christian Ministry peers who were better communicators and far wiser than I was. I was envious of their praise from our professors and sought the same validation that they were gifted. I continued time and time again to impress the very people I believed would fill me.

Eighteen months ago I was depressed during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic so I dyed my hair orange. I wanted to be happy when I looked in the mirror every morning and saw my favorite color. I started being called gay and faggot as insults and so I dyed my hair back to its natural color.

Four months ago my wife asked me if I would try to grow out my facial hair. Some people at church made fun of how I looked so I went home after service and shaved it all off.

Little did I know that a lifelong journey of being insecure and seeking others' affirmation had started when I was just three years old and still tempts me twenty-three years later.

I spent some time reading Isaiah 1 this morning, and verse twenty-nine stuck out to me and challenged me to contemplate my years growing up.

"Surely you will be ashamed of the sacred oaks in which you have delighted; you will be embarrassed by the gardens that you have chosen." Isaiah 1:29, BSB

I read this passage and asked myself these two questions:

1) What is my sacred oak that I am ashamed of?

2) What type of garden am I allowing to be cultivated through me because of this oak?

I then began praying King David's "Search me" prayer found in Psalm 139. I asked God to expose in me that which was ugly and not of Him. Within a few moments, God brought me back to my time as three-year-old when I began craving others' attention and validation.

One thing led to the next and I started to realize how my Sacred Oak—others' approval—has been poisoning my ability to listen to God's voice. In my heart I am seeking God's garden. But through my mind, actions, and my sacred oak I have been choosing different gardens to be cultivated in me.

Friend, what is your sacred oak? What is something you have been idolizing that has been poisoning your ability to have God's garden cultivated in you?

I invite you to process that question throughout your day and ask God to search your heart in doing so. But fair warning: You might be brought back in time to your three-year-old self in an ugly way.

"Please don't tell mom!" I shouted with panic as my younger brother screamed bloody murder. Someone had just punched him in the face. Someone was mean enough to wind up and sock him right in the nose.

That someone, was me.

This morning as I was reading through the Gospel of Luke, I was challenged by what God placed on my heart during the parable of the lost son. You can find the full parable in Luke 15, but to quickly summarize the story:

- A Father has two sons

- The youngest son asks for his inheritance even though his father wasn't dead

- The father gives him his inheritance

- The youngest son wastes the inheritance on sex and partying

- The youngest son feels guilty and returns home to ask his father if he can serve as his slave

- The father sees his son coming home in the distance and has compassion for him

- The father throws a feast for his youngest son's return home

- The oldest son is furious with his father for giving his brother grace

- The father shows his older son compassion, too

The first half of the story is often the half that receives the most attention, and rightfully so. Because Jesus was showing his listeners that God's grace knows no bounds. But what if we have been missing the fullness of Jesus' words this entire time?

What if the son who left wasn't the one Jesus was saying was truly lost? What if the point of the parable was to navigate our attention to the son who stayed home?

What if Jesus was making the point to His listeners that it is easy for them to accept grace when they are broken for it, but rarely do they extend that same grace towards others who need it?

Perhaps, this parable is as much—if not more—about the older son as it is about the younger son. Perhaps Jesus wanted us to understand that the younger son—although he wandered off and squandered his inheritance—still came home and submitted to his father. Perhaps the lost son was always home.

While I was praying over this story, God placed on my heart, "Jordan, you are the older son." My heart broke at this realization. My cynicism and self-righteousness have been at an all-time high lately. I have felt bitter toward those who have hurt me and have battled feelings of entitlement.

But here is what I have been learning from this well-known story: God doesn't desire for me to be the younger son in this story, nor does He want me to be the older son. God wants me to be the one who showed compassion toward both his sons.

"'My son,' the father said, 'You are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" Luke 15:31-32 NIV

Jesus wanted His listeners to know that this story was about the father's reaction toward both sons. The first one ends up leaving and returning, while the second one is where I believe Jesus wants the listener to make a decision for themselves. It is kind of like those books you read where the person reading is in charge of the ending they decide. Here is what I mean...

Have you ever wondered why Jesus would leave the story unresolved at verse 32? Why don't we see how the older son responds to the father's statements?

The answer: Because Jesus is giving us—the listener—the chance to decide whether or not we as the "older children," are going to stay self-righteous or choose to follow suit like the younger son and come home. Jesus presents us with the choice: Sit proudly in our sin or humbly surrender it to Him.

I wonder if Jesus was also making the point through this story that the one who stays home is at fault for not chasing after the younger brother. Why do I wonder this? Because just a few moments before sharing this parable, Jesus shared with the same crowd (who in this case were self-righteous Pharisees) the significance of how God leaves the ninety-nine sheep who stayed home, to chase after the one who wandered off.

Jesus then shares a second parable with the same crowd about celebrating after finding a lost coin. He then wraps up story-time by further expressing His desire for those who are home to welcome those who are lost. But maybe Jesus shared all three of these stories one after another because they are supposed to be read together, not individually.

Perhaps the next crucial takeaway from this parable is that the Church is not supposed to be a homebody.

It's easy to fall into the trap of self-righteousness for those of us who aren't out and about visibly squandering that which God has blessed us with. Maybe that is why Jesus says that not everyone who calls on His name will enter the Kingdom of God, but only those who do the will of the Father (see Matthew 7:21).

And honestly, that verse TERRIFIES me. It has taught me how vulgar and consuming pride is. Pride isn't just about believing that I am the best, it is about believing I am better than YOU in any way, shape, or form. Pride is believing I am not lost because I stayed home.

David felt this way too. And so he got on his knees and prayed this gut-wrenching prayer:

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24

Pastor Craig Groeschel taught me how the search me prayer is a dangerous one because it exposes my ugliest sins. For most of us, pride is swept under the rug and is never addressed.

May it never be the case with me.

I still remember my younger brother's reaction after I socked him in the face. It was filled with panic, pain, and deep hurt. He had just witnessed his older brother—someone he looked up to—betray him.

I wonder how different our lives or the lives of others would look, if we relentlessly chased after those who are struggling, hurting, and wandering.

Perhaps we would resemble Jesus.

It was our staff's weekly Friday lunch with da boys. Every Friday at precisely 11:00 AM, Bruce, Brad, Trevor, and I eat lunch at Panda Express. Brad keeps a bag of knives in his truck with him at all times so he can have the proper utensils to cut up his chicken... bless his heart.

On any typical Friday, we order, eat, and leave without any issue. This time, however, Brad almost peed his pants (not unusual on any normal day, but the cause was abnormal this time).

While we were wrapping up our lunch, an aggravated customer was loudly letting the employees know of his frustrations with their service. We weren't quite sure what all the fuss was about, but everyone in the restaurant was uncomfortable. At one point a lady turned to us and said, "If he acts like this in public, I would hate to see how he acts at home."

You may be wondering what Panda Express and Brad's bladder control have to do with anything important. I promise that everything will come full circle in a bit, but for now, I want to navigate your attention to two important words: Abiding and Cultivating.

Per Merriam Webster's Dictionary, abiding means continuing for a long time, enduring. Cultivating is preparing for the use of raising crops, fostering growth, or loosening and breaking up the soil. We see the language of these two words used all throughout Scripture.

Abiding: "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." - John 15:4-5

Cultivating: "He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap. Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things. Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good." - Ecclesiastes 11:4-6

Abiding: "Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him."- Colossians 2:6

Cultivating: “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water. that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought. and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8

I wonder what it would look like for us as Christ followers to abide in Christ all the days of our lives? Perhaps the Fruit of the Spirit would be cultivated in us as a result.

When writing to the church in Galatia, Paul shares with us that the Fruit of the Spirit is "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."- Galatians 5:22-23

All of us—even non-Christians—agree that these attributes are good things. I guess I shouldn't say "all of us," for I'm not convinced that people who enjoy pineapple on pizza have any clue where fruit should be cultivated. But nevertheless, the Fruit of the Spirit is a good thing. It is a good thing to have love, patience, and gentleness flowing out from within us. But how do we cultivate the Fruit of the Spirit? Better yet, WHO cultivates the Fruit of the Spirit? For the temptation is often for us to focus on growing one particular attribute of the Spirit's Fruit... but that temptation leads to idolatry and pride.

The Fruit of the Spirit is not something we can grow in us... it is something that is cultivated in us through abiding in Christ. Jesus says that "no branch can bear fruit unless they abide in Him (see John 15:4)."

If you want to bear much fruit, don't focus on the Fruit, focus on the Vine.

Learning to abide in Christ is a lifelong process. In fact, titling this section "how to abide in Christ" felt arrogant... for I don't have the perfect formula. I do however have a few suggestions that have helped to cultivate in me the Spirit's Fruit.

1) Spending time in prayer. Prayer is too often the last resort for Christ's followers. But it is—in my opinion—the greatest way for us to abide in Christ. Prayer requires us to surrender our time to the Savior. Prayer produces in us humility and faithfulness which we can't learn from the outside world. Prayer presents us with the opportunity to slow down and listen to the silence of God. St. Faustina says it this way,

"A talkative soul lacks both the essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where the Lord dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that has never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit which disturbs the silence of others."

Yes, prayer requests and praises are impactful and important, but there is something special about sitting in silent surrender to our Savior. Perhaps this is why Habbakuk writes, "The Lord is in His holy temple, let all the earth keep silence before Him.”

In order for the Spirit to cultivate His Fruit in us, we must spend intimate time in prayer with Him. Now, you may be thinking, "How do I pray? I suck at praying!" And I would applaud you for your humility in asking the question. It's the same question that Luke recorded the disciples asking Jesus in his Gospel. Jesus then goes on to teach them how to pray by starting out with honoring God, sharing praises, seeking forgiveness, seeking humility, and then a time of requests. Even the best prayer warriors usually end after all of that... but that's where silence comes in. I've heard it once said, "After our souls are emptied from praises and requests, that's when God starts speaking in silence to us."

And here is the truth: WE ALL SUCK AT PRAYING! As a pastor, I am a terrible prayer. I find myself distracted and hurried 99% of the time. This is why I find Pastor Rich Villodas' words encouraging: "1,000 distractions in prayer is 1,000 opportunities to return back to God in surrender." If you are seeking to abide in Christ, start by committing to praying more. Every minute matters and is impactful.

2) Spend time in God's Word. If we seek to grow closer to Who God is, we must spend time learning about Who God is, what God does, and how God loves us. Something I have been doing every morning before I spend time in God's word is praying Psalm 119:18,

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law."

I don't want to approach the Text with my pre-conceived notions and sinful nature. My hope is to approach God's Word humbly, ready to learn what He has for me. The more time I focus on spending time with God in His Word, the more I notice the Fruit of the Spirit cultivated in me.

It's unfair for me to assume whether or not the person causing a scene at Panda Express is abiding in Christ. It's not an assumption I am permitted to make. Perhaps they were having a difficult day and the employees at Panda had to endure the worst of it. I'm not at liberty to be disturbed by the person's actions. Instead, what bothers me the most about the situation is how I responded.

Rather than coming to the aid of either the employee or the customer, I sat there in judgment. I wasn't being kind, nor were my thoughts gentle. And in fact, I have been that type of customer before. Sadly, at a Panda Express as well. What type of Fruit was I bearing while standing to the side in judgment?

I want to close by sharing something my friend and mentor shared with me about abiding and cultivating:

"I think another helpful direction on fruitfulness could be drawing from Matthew 21 / Mark 11 when Jesus curses the fig tree. From further studying, I learned that based on the season described in the story (early spring), the fact that this tree had leaves suggests that it was an early bloomer. The fact that Jesus saw them from a distance suggests it was probably full of leaves, and if that’s the case it should also be a very fruitful tree with early figs because the fig tree grows leaves and blooms and produces figs simultaneously.

So He went to it but realized the leafy tree gave the impression of fruitfulness… but was totally void of it. Of all the fig trees, this was seemingly an early-producing, first-fruit kind of tree… but it merely gave that impression without the fruit. And the picture becomes clear in both contexts that Jesus is in Jerusalem and is about to purge the Temple. These were God’s chosen people, who were to be the nation who would produce His first fruits among all the nations. But they instead grew to give the impression of fruitfulness, adorned with leaves upon leaves… but void of any fruit. The Passover gathering there in Jerusalem, the temple operation and sacrifices, the priests and rabbis, the empty celebration and worship… and what should have been Christ’s triumphant entry and redemption of His people… all just a bunch of external appearance of righteousness and love of God. But rotten at its roots.

I believe it is not coincidental how this relates to Genesis 3. Adam and Eve cover themselves in fig leaves. Thinking that would hide them from God’s judgment. They were previously naked and unashamed and commanded to be fruitful and multiply, instead they end up covering themselves in leaves, in all their sin and shame. It’s like the same story over and over again since the beginning, with God weaving redemption and grace through it all.

So it seems like apart from God, the best we can muster is being covered in leaves."

I sit here wrapping up this blog as the Summer of 2022 comes to an end. My lemon-scented candle is lit, the window beside me is cracked open, and my puppy dog is laying on the couch behind me with his weight pressed against mine. These moments of rest are necessary for my soul.

The house is silent, coffee is brewing, and I am soaking in a day of rest. In hindsight, my day couldn’t be more perfect. Quite contrary to what the last few weeks have been like for me.

Ministry is hard. Fatherhood is hard. Being a husband is hard. Life is hard. There are plenty of reasons to quit. And yet, time and time again God proves to me that I won’t always feel this way.

Sunday, I had no idea how I was going to walk up on stage and deliver the sermon God placed on my heart. In fact, I didn’t have a completed outline until 2:00 AM the morning of.

I hadn’t had time, energy, or the outline to run through the message, and so yesterday was my 100% reliance on the Holy Spirit to carry me through.

I was sharing with my wife and close friends and staff members this week that I had never felt like this before—never felt like not, preaching. The Holy Spirit gifted me with the Spiritual Gift of teaching. I feel closest to Him when I am walking people through the Word of God.

And yet, leading up to Sunday, I felt more distant from Him than I had ever felt before while doing all the “right things” to try and stay close. I've learned that sometimes doing the "right things" still leaves you empty.

I trusted that the way I have been feeling these last few weeks would pass. I trusted that the Holy Spirit would guide me through the message yesterday. And He did.

As soon as I was done preaching, the weight of the “funk” I had been feeling the last few weeks was lifted. My friend checked in on me after preaching the message a second time to see how I was doing. I responded, “The services went great. Feel like myself again.”

Even though my heart knew that the season of “funk” would pass, my brain was still struggling while journeying through the season. I’m hesitant to refer to this past season as “over,” but I am confident that even if it is not, God is still faithful.

I pull out my Bible on this beautiful day of rest and turn to the Psalms. I have been walking through the Psalms the last few weeks since the season I have been in feels eerily similar to the seasons of life David as he poured his heart out into the Psalms. I turn to Psalm 37 and find two verses that I immediately resonate with. The first is Psalm 37:3,

“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” (BSB)

The phrase cultivate faithfulness caught my eye, and so I paused to reflect on its meaning.

Faithfulness to God isn’t a natural trait for us. Sin has severed our natural ability to fully trust and fully rely on God. Rather, as my mama taught me, life with Jesus is more like dancing with a partner. Learning to be in sync with one another is a process that takes time, practice, and an ocean filled with mistakes. God’s dancing is perfect. Mine—as my wife can attest—not so much.

The imagery David uses to inspire his audience here is breathtaking. Much like dancing, faithfulness to God requires time, practice, and an ocean filled with mistakes. It requires us to dig deep into the soil of our roots and allow God access to all our dirt and weeds.

Cultivating faithfulness mandates that we trust God as the ultimate Gardener by giving up control of our lives and the outcomes of following Him. It’s a messy journey, one that many want to quit on because it forces them to fully surrender their will for His.

The second Psalm that caught my eye this morning was Psalm 37:10,

“Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.” (BSB)

I’ve used the word “season” a lot throughout this blog because that’s exactly what life is filled with: Seasons of changing and growing and struggling and prospering and pruning and trusting that God is still good. Some seasons last a few days, some a few years, yet God is faithful through it all.

Friend, the season you are in right now will not last forever. Though the wicked have persisted, yet a little while and these moments will be no more. I can’t guarantee a time frame, for each season is different. But I am—scratch that—YOU are living proof that God is faithful and will not abandon you. I close with this reminder from Isaiah 43:19,

“Behold, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” (BSB)

On July 8, 2021, my wife and I welcomed our beautiful son into the world. This past Friday we celebrated his 1st birthday.

Here are 50 things I have learned since becoming a dad:

1) Newborn grunts usually mean a poopy diaper is in the works

2) A "good night of sleep" doesn't exist anymore... yet somehow I continue to function

3) EVERYTHING sounds like a baby crying now

4) Trying not to laugh after your baby does something naughty takes SKILL

5) It doesn't matter if you're eating the same thing, if you have food, your baby will ask for it

6) There is no such thing as "keeping the house clean" with a newborn

7) I understand why people hire out housework

8) Everything must be scheduled now... even bathroom breaks

9) I'll never take going to the gym for granted again

10) Recovering from the dad-bod is REAL

11) I'll never take date night for granted again

12) My protective-dad-instinct came naturally

13) Seeing your child cry without being able to explain why is the worst

14) The house will always smell bad

15) I have given up on folding laundry. It now just gets thrown into the closet

16) Eating healthy means I chose to eat at a sit-down restaurant vs. fast food

17) Caffeine is the only reason I have survived

18) My wife is a freaking rock star

19) I'm glad my son doesn't mind that I am a terrible singer

20) There are few things that are worse than a crying baby during a car ride

21) The first time seeing Uriah smile was one of the greatest days of my life

22) Only to be topped by the first time hearing him laugh

23) Which was then topped by the first time I saw him crawl

24) Which was then topped by the first time I saw him walk

25) Which was then topped by the first time he walked over to me to give me a hug

26) Hearing my son belly laugh is one of the greatest sounds in the world

27) "Baby talk" is one of the cutest things ever

28) Poopie diapers only get worse as they get older

29) You learn real quick how unsafe your house is for a baby when they start walking

30) Trying to find the balance between being a pastor, author, husband, and father is exhausting

31) The days feel long but the years fly by

32) There is nothing greater than watching your son genuinely happy

33) Feeding your son ice cream is better than feeding yourself ice-cream

34) Getting a hug after a long day of work is one of the greatest feelings in the world

35) All I want is for my son to grow up to know Jesus and love Jesus

36) Seeing him sick is a terrible sight

37) I understand why my dad squeezed me when he hugged me

38) Baby clothes > adult clothes

39) Having a conversation with a one-year-old is hilarious

40) Have I mentioned that my wife is a rockstar?

41) Baby snuggles help with my anxiety

42) No matter how exhausted I am after work, I need to be "on" for my son at home

43) Life is too short to bring work home with me

44) Babies who dance to music are second-to-none

45) I understand now what Jesus meant when he said "those who have faith like that of a child"

46) I have to be very intentional about my time alone with God

47) Prioritizing my emotional, physical, and mental health is non-negotiable

48) Sharing moments with Uriah is an incredible feeling

49) I wouldn't trade anything

50) Being a dad is the greatest job in the world

I can't wait to see what I learn in year 2.