Amber Showalter's Blog
August 29, 2022
Our Books Are Supposed to Outlive Us
I read mostly non-fiction. Memoirs, biographies, true crime, graphic novels of historical events and of course, poetry. I write (mostly) non-fiction in my own writings (yeah yeah, names and identifying characteristics changed to protect the innocent, etc, etc). I feel that anybody’s life could make a good book, if written properly. I love knowing that crazy and amazing things could actually happen, and have. I love truth that is stranger than fiction.
The problem with reading non-fiction accounts is that Google is always readily at our fingertips. Have you ever ruined a book for yourself? I totally have and I swear I didn't mean to. In "If You Tell" by Gregg Olsen, a true crime tale that took place in Washington state, I decided half way through that I just HAD to know what this horrible bitch mother looked like in real life and BOOM. The first item in my Google search alerted me that yet another main character was going to be murdered. I also learned that the mother was not nearly as attractive as the character description made her out to be, so there's that. I just learned way more than I bargained for.
So today I feel like I ruined a book for myself ten-fold. I'm currently reading "Skin Deep: Tattoos, The Disappearing West, Very Bad Men, and my Deep Love for them All", (a memoir) by Karol Griffin and I am LOVING IT. I mean, for one, it TOTALLY sounds like an Amber book, does it not? (WARNING: Spoilers beyond this point.) I've loved leaving my little stress-ball life of publication worries and two mentally and emotionally intense nursing jobs to join Karol in a tattoo shop out west with questionable characters on the dawning of my favorite decade (1990). After reading a chapter this morning, I'm thinking, "Karol's cool. We could be friends. It's so fun seeing this life through her eyes. I wonder what else she's written?"
Enter Google and type-y, type-y, type . . .
She's dead.
And now I just have to sit with this for awhile, because I feel like I made a new friend and now she's gone. I'm not even halfway through the book.
Yes, countless authors are dead. But I think it hits differently knowing that going into a book, as opposed to discovering that midway through a modern-day memoir that you're having so much fun with. It's not like Karol was old, she was only 46 when she passed, and it was only seven years after Skin Deep was published, which was in 2003.
I know our books are supposed to outlive us. They are what we leave in this world as an imprint that we existed. That our lives meant something, however so small, that writing them down could alter history, if only for just one person who reads them. Our books are there to entertain, to present a temporary escape, to allow others a glimpse into another's life and to help us all feel less alone. And they will contiue to do this after our death. They're what we leave behind. They're our way (as writers) of saying all graffiti-style, "We were here." They are our legacy.
So I guess I'll be pouring a little unplanned wine out tonight for Karol and her legacy. And if I were a dead author, and someone read my book 12 years after my passing and got as upset about my death as I am Karol's, I'd be looking down and saying, "Well then. That means I did my job." Job well done, Karol. Job well done.
As a takeaway . . .friends, learn from my mistakes. Life is too damn short to make them all yourself. . . .DO NOT google your current read author until AFTER you've finished the book.
The problem with reading non-fiction accounts is that Google is always readily at our fingertips. Have you ever ruined a book for yourself? I totally have and I swear I didn't mean to. In "If You Tell" by Gregg Olsen, a true crime tale that took place in Washington state, I decided half way through that I just HAD to know what this horrible bitch mother looked like in real life and BOOM. The first item in my Google search alerted me that yet another main character was going to be murdered. I also learned that the mother was not nearly as attractive as the character description made her out to be, so there's that. I just learned way more than I bargained for.
So today I feel like I ruined a book for myself ten-fold. I'm currently reading "Skin Deep: Tattoos, The Disappearing West, Very Bad Men, and my Deep Love for them All", (a memoir) by Karol Griffin and I am LOVING IT. I mean, for one, it TOTALLY sounds like an Amber book, does it not? (WARNING: Spoilers beyond this point.) I've loved leaving my little stress-ball life of publication worries and two mentally and emotionally intense nursing jobs to join Karol in a tattoo shop out west with questionable characters on the dawning of my favorite decade (1990). After reading a chapter this morning, I'm thinking, "Karol's cool. We could be friends. It's so fun seeing this life through her eyes. I wonder what else she's written?"
Enter Google and type-y, type-y, type . . .
She's dead.
And now I just have to sit with this for awhile, because I feel like I made a new friend and now she's gone. I'm not even halfway through the book.
Yes, countless authors are dead. But I think it hits differently knowing that going into a book, as opposed to discovering that midway through a modern-day memoir that you're having so much fun with. It's not like Karol was old, she was only 46 when she passed, and it was only seven years after Skin Deep was published, which was in 2003.
I know our books are supposed to outlive us. They are what we leave in this world as an imprint that we existed. That our lives meant something, however so small, that writing them down could alter history, if only for just one person who reads them. Our books are there to entertain, to present a temporary escape, to allow others a glimpse into another's life and to help us all feel less alone. And they will contiue to do this after our death. They're what we leave behind. They're our way (as writers) of saying all graffiti-style, "We were here." They are our legacy.
So I guess I'll be pouring a little unplanned wine out tonight for Karol and her legacy. And if I were a dead author, and someone read my book 12 years after my passing and got as upset about my death as I am Karol's, I'd be looking down and saying, "Well then. That means I did my job." Job well done, Karol. Job well done.
As a takeaway . . .friends, learn from my mistakes. Life is too damn short to make them all yourself. . . .DO NOT google your current read author until AFTER you've finished the book.
April 28, 2022
You May Find it Strange. . .
You may find it strange that I've been rating and reviewing children's books today. Let me explain. . . (and no, it's not because I'm going to start writing children's books, even though my fiancee and his mom desperately want me to write a book about our miniature dachshund and his adventures, but can you imagine? *Harley heard a strange noise, and alerted us by barking. "Holy motherofcrap, Harley!" I exclaimed. "What the frick was that?!? Quick kids, follow the mini wiener!"*
No. It's definitely not that).
I'm on a banned book mission.
A bit of a rampage.
A warpath, if you will.
So naturally, I'd start with children's books.
If any of you follow my Facebook writer page, you may have some idea of why book banning and censorship make me so angry. My second book of poetry, "Esteem Punk" came out last May. I wrote the poems in "Esteem Punk" between the ages of 15-17, and compiled them together last year. The book addresses some tough stuff that teenagers may face such as stalking, PTSD, self-harm and smoking. Tough stuff for sure, but also very real stuff, complete with a trigger warning in the forward and resources to help those who find themselves in crisis. So days after its release, you can imagine my surprise when people were coming up to me and saying, "Hey, I looked for your second book, but I couldn't find it." I found this odd, gave them the direct link from my author page, and carried on.
But shortly thereafter, the comments turned to, "I bought your second book on Amazon, but it was the weirdest thing. In my cart, the image was blurred out and when I hovered the mouse over it, it said "Image blurred to protect your privacy." This left me more confused, so I tried searching for my own book in the search bar on Amazon. I couldn't find it (also, it kept changing "Esteem Punk" to "Steampunk", but holy crap . . .the steampunk rabbit holes you can go down. I think my favorite item was the mini doxy steampunk key holder. Eeeee! The stuff you didn't know you needed). I tried the link I used on my author page, and it took me directly to my book. And I'm thinking, this is so strange. I didn't have any of these issues with my first book.
The "ah-ha" moment came when I tried to place an advertisement on Amazon. When I selected the book I wanted to advertise, "Esteem Punk", I was hit with this error message: "At this time, adult products are not eligible for advertising."
I spit my wine out on my computer screen. Literally. I can still see the speckles (Malbec for the win, amiright?). And then it hit me. Somewhere in Amazon's publishing review, "Esteem Punk" was labeled as an adult product and banned from being advertised. Or even being found, really. So the book I wrote as a teenager . . . was deemed inappropriate for teenagers? The WTF's were coming rapid-fire, broken-record style.
So while not officially a banned book, as books are generally considered "banned" if they are outlawed from a library or school district, I'd say pretty damn close. I mean, in our modern world, being banned from advertising on Amazon and from most people being able to actually find your book is a little harsher than being banned from one solitary county in the United States, but really, modern-day versus old school, a banning is still a banning.
And censorship can suck it.
I wrote "Esteem Punk" to help people who found themselves in the shoes I once walked around in. I wrote it so they could have something to relate to, so they would feel less alone in their struggles, so they could say, "I felt this exact way only just today!", and know that someone understood. So yes, censorship can certainly suck it.
I feverishly started looking up every book that had ever been banned. I found myself in a state of complete shock at some of the reasonings and could not even wrap my brain around it (Did you know that talking animals are blasphemous? See ya later, "Charlotte's Web". At least if you asked the state of Kansas in 2006.).
So what is one to do? I'm going to do exactly what the book banners don't want us to do. I'm going to talk about it. Maybe if we talk about what upset us about a book, instead of trying to sweep it under the rug, we could learn to see things from another perspective, and identify solutions and lessons learned rather than problems. For instance, Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree". Why was it banned? It was felt the book portrayed a sexist view toward women, as the boy took and took from the tree (referred to as a "she"), and never gave back. So what can we learn from reading this book? Maybe that love is a give and take. You have to give back in your friendships and relationships so that what you love won't go away forever. But if you truly love and care about someone, giving to them makes you happy, as the tree felt giving to the boy. It's when someone takes and takes and walks all over you that it becomes bullshit. So let's learn from that. Another theory on "The Giving Tree" is more literal, in that we humans continue to take from our envronment. This is so true. Nature provides for us, and we just take. So let's learn to give back . . .recycle, plant trees, do an ocean clean-up. I think that's a great lesson to learn from a children's book.
Another example that recently came under fire is Jason Tharp's "It's Okay to be a Unicorn". Tharp was planning to do a live book-read to children at an Ohio school, but the day before the scheduled read, Tharp was told he was banned from doing the reading, because one parent (read: ONE) felt that Tharp's book sparked a "gay agenda", due to the rainbow colors on the cover. All artwork that the children of the school had done about the book in anticipation of Tharp's arrival was torn down off the walls. Reading about this instance motivated me to buy and read "It's Okay to be a Unicorn". And guys, let me tell you, I couldn't put it down, I managed to read this book in one sitting ( :P ). All joking aside, this is a cute book. And it's a book about inclusion, which is beautiful. The overarching themes are that it's okay to be different, and that we should be accepting and kind to those who are different from us. So what do we learn? That maybe it's not our place to judge? That maybe it's our job to love each other and to be kind to one another? And WHAT, dare I ask, WHAT is so wrong with talking about that?
In the end, I found out that around January of this year, Barnes & Noble picked up "Esteem Punk" for online sales via Amazon's Expanded Distribution, and I was suddenly able to advertise on Amazon. The banning was over. So maybe that's what it takes. For someone else to say, "Hey, maybe this book isn't so bad afterall". (For the record, my first book was never picked up by Barnes & Noble.)
I am small. I am obscure. But if I can learn or teach even the smallest of lessons from these banned books, I'm going to scream it to the masses, and my lung capacity is spectacular (despite the cigarettes in my younger years).
So if you see me reviewing children's books in the future, there's no need to question. I'm just fighting a bigger battle.
No. It's definitely not that).
I'm on a banned book mission.
A bit of a rampage.
A warpath, if you will.
So naturally, I'd start with children's books.
If any of you follow my Facebook writer page, you may have some idea of why book banning and censorship make me so angry. My second book of poetry, "Esteem Punk" came out last May. I wrote the poems in "Esteem Punk" between the ages of 15-17, and compiled them together last year. The book addresses some tough stuff that teenagers may face such as stalking, PTSD, self-harm and smoking. Tough stuff for sure, but also very real stuff, complete with a trigger warning in the forward and resources to help those who find themselves in crisis. So days after its release, you can imagine my surprise when people were coming up to me and saying, "Hey, I looked for your second book, but I couldn't find it." I found this odd, gave them the direct link from my author page, and carried on.
But shortly thereafter, the comments turned to, "I bought your second book on Amazon, but it was the weirdest thing. In my cart, the image was blurred out and when I hovered the mouse over it, it said "Image blurred to protect your privacy." This left me more confused, so I tried searching for my own book in the search bar on Amazon. I couldn't find it (also, it kept changing "Esteem Punk" to "Steampunk", but holy crap . . .the steampunk rabbit holes you can go down. I think my favorite item was the mini doxy steampunk key holder. Eeeee! The stuff you didn't know you needed). I tried the link I used on my author page, and it took me directly to my book. And I'm thinking, this is so strange. I didn't have any of these issues with my first book.
The "ah-ha" moment came when I tried to place an advertisement on Amazon. When I selected the book I wanted to advertise, "Esteem Punk", I was hit with this error message: "At this time, adult products are not eligible for advertising."
I spit my wine out on my computer screen. Literally. I can still see the speckles (Malbec for the win, amiright?). And then it hit me. Somewhere in Amazon's publishing review, "Esteem Punk" was labeled as an adult product and banned from being advertised. Or even being found, really. So the book I wrote as a teenager . . . was deemed inappropriate for teenagers? The WTF's were coming rapid-fire, broken-record style.
So while not officially a banned book, as books are generally considered "banned" if they are outlawed from a library or school district, I'd say pretty damn close. I mean, in our modern world, being banned from advertising on Amazon and from most people being able to actually find your book is a little harsher than being banned from one solitary county in the United States, but really, modern-day versus old school, a banning is still a banning.
And censorship can suck it.
I wrote "Esteem Punk" to help people who found themselves in the shoes I once walked around in. I wrote it so they could have something to relate to, so they would feel less alone in their struggles, so they could say, "I felt this exact way only just today!", and know that someone understood. So yes, censorship can certainly suck it.
I feverishly started looking up every book that had ever been banned. I found myself in a state of complete shock at some of the reasonings and could not even wrap my brain around it (Did you know that talking animals are blasphemous? See ya later, "Charlotte's Web". At least if you asked the state of Kansas in 2006.).
So what is one to do? I'm going to do exactly what the book banners don't want us to do. I'm going to talk about it. Maybe if we talk about what upset us about a book, instead of trying to sweep it under the rug, we could learn to see things from another perspective, and identify solutions and lessons learned rather than problems. For instance, Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree". Why was it banned? It was felt the book portrayed a sexist view toward women, as the boy took and took from the tree (referred to as a "she"), and never gave back. So what can we learn from reading this book? Maybe that love is a give and take. You have to give back in your friendships and relationships so that what you love won't go away forever. But if you truly love and care about someone, giving to them makes you happy, as the tree felt giving to the boy. It's when someone takes and takes and walks all over you that it becomes bullshit. So let's learn from that. Another theory on "The Giving Tree" is more literal, in that we humans continue to take from our envronment. This is so true. Nature provides for us, and we just take. So let's learn to give back . . .recycle, plant trees, do an ocean clean-up. I think that's a great lesson to learn from a children's book.
Another example that recently came under fire is Jason Tharp's "It's Okay to be a Unicorn". Tharp was planning to do a live book-read to children at an Ohio school, but the day before the scheduled read, Tharp was told he was banned from doing the reading, because one parent (read: ONE) felt that Tharp's book sparked a "gay agenda", due to the rainbow colors on the cover. All artwork that the children of the school had done about the book in anticipation of Tharp's arrival was torn down off the walls. Reading about this instance motivated me to buy and read "It's Okay to be a Unicorn". And guys, let me tell you, I couldn't put it down, I managed to read this book in one sitting ( :P ). All joking aside, this is a cute book. And it's a book about inclusion, which is beautiful. The overarching themes are that it's okay to be different, and that we should be accepting and kind to those who are different from us. So what do we learn? That maybe it's not our place to judge? That maybe it's our job to love each other and to be kind to one another? And WHAT, dare I ask, WHAT is so wrong with talking about that?
In the end, I found out that around January of this year, Barnes & Noble picked up "Esteem Punk" for online sales via Amazon's Expanded Distribution, and I was suddenly able to advertise on Amazon. The banning was over. So maybe that's what it takes. For someone else to say, "Hey, maybe this book isn't so bad afterall". (For the record, my first book was never picked up by Barnes & Noble.)
I am small. I am obscure. But if I can learn or teach even the smallest of lessons from these banned books, I'm going to scream it to the masses, and my lung capacity is spectacular (despite the cigarettes in my younger years).
So if you see me reviewing children's books in the future, there's no need to question. I'm just fighting a bigger battle.
