Penny Locaso's Blog

What Lena Dunham’s new Netflix show “Too Much” reveals about how women are still shrinking to be seen.

When Lena Dunham’s new Netflix series Too Much dropped recently, I pressed pause on my nighttime psychology thesis writing, and devoured it like a doughnut after a week-long health retreat.

The lead character, Jessica, is a beautifully complex, internalised mix of too much and not enough. And yet, it’s exactly that combination that makes her relatable, loveable, and imperfectly perfect.

The title alone: “Too Much”, hit a raw nerve.

Because if you’ve ever had big, crazy ideas to make meaningful change, held strong opinions, or felt deeply, you’ve probably been told (explicitly or not) that you're too much.

Too loud. Too direct. Too emotional. Too ambitious.

And when that happens, most of us learn to shrink.
To soften the edges.
To dilute the parts that make us potent.

The irony is that being labelled too much often leaves us feeling not enough.

How is it that women can be both at the same time?

The Tightrope Women Are Still Walking

Too much leaves many of us shrinking our voices to be more palatable.
Second-guessing ourselves to avoid taking up space.
Dimming our unique light so others feel more comfortable.

And all that effort to find just the right balance of “enoughness”?
It’s exhausting.
It disconnects us from ourselves.
And it still doesn’t get us the recognition or opportunities we’ve worked so hard for.

We’re told to:
“Speak up more.”
“Show more confidence.”
“Put yourself out there.”

But at the same time, we’ve been conditioned to walk an almost impossible line:

Be confident, but not loudSpeak up, but don’t make others uncomfortableBe ambitious, but stay humbleBe assertive, but not pushyBe passionate, but whatever you do don’t get emotional

This tightrope is one of the biggest barriers stopping women from being fully seen, heard, and valued for their impact.

When Self-Protection Becomes Self-Silencing

This isn’t just a confidence issue. It’s behavioural conditioning.

Here’s what the science tells us:

You’re not imagining the backlash.
Research shows women are judged more harshly than men for the same behaviours, especially when we show ambition, assertiveness, or emotion. So, when you start shrinking, it’s not self-doubt. It’s self-protection.

Shrinking becomes a habit.
Repeatedly muting yourself to avoid conflict wires the brain to associate silence with safety. Over time, it disconnects you from your voice and your values.

It erodes motivation and confidence.
If you’ve been told your presence is “too much,” you start to question whether your voice matters. This chips away at self-efficacy the belief that your actions can lead to meaningful outcomes.

And it keeps you stuck in invisibility.
Visibility isn’t about being louder, it’s about being more aligned. But when we try to be palatable instead of real, we show up half-expressed. And that’s when the advocacy and recognition we deserve never come.

Reclaiming “Too Much” as a Signal, Not a Flaw

So, how do we start to shift a narrative that was never ours to begin with?

By making small, intentional moves that help us stop editing ourselves for approval.

Here are three simple, evidence-backed ways to begin:

Catch the Pattern

Notice when you start hesitating, shrinking, or holding back.Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I show up fully here?That awareness disrupts the habit loop of self-silencing.

Reframe the Reaction

If you feel uncomfortable after speaking up, pause.Try this reframe: What if this discomfort means I’m disrupting something that needs to shift?Behavioural science calls this cognitive reappraisal and it’s a powerful way to stay in motion, not retreat.

Take One Aligned Micro-Risk

Say the thing. Share the idea. Pitch the opportunity.You don’t need to be everywhere, just real in one space this week.

Confidence doesn’t come from clarity; it comes from moving with intention even when your voice shakes.

Being “too much” isn’t the problem.
Shrinking to be palatable is.

And the more of us who stop playing that game, the more room we create for leadership that’s inclusive, honest, and impactful.

Ready To Practice Being “Too Much” In The Best Possible Way? 

That’s exactly what we’re doing inside  Penny in Your Pocket. It’s a 10-day micro-coaching sprint delivered via WhatsApp for ambitious women who are done with shrinking and ready to create traction their way. Daily nudges. Tiny actions. Real momentum. We kick off 20 August, 2025 and spots are limited. Register here. 

Why courageous leadership not AI is the antidote to toxic work culture

We’ve normalised a version of work that goes against the grain of everything we know about how humans perform at their best.

Microsoft’s latest Work Trend Index paints a bleak picture of a workforce trapped in perpetual motion.

40% of employees check their email by 6am

After-hours meetings have risen 16%

The average worker processes 117 emails and 153 Teams messages a day

This isn’t flexibility. It’s a system with no endpoint, no recovery time, and no room to think. The line between work and life hasn’t blurred, it’s been erased.

And yet, the most alarming part of this report isn’t the data. It’s what’s missing: a roadmap for how leaders can disrupt the cycle. AI can streamline workflows as Microsoft suggests, but it can’t solve a cultural crisis. And make no mistake: toxic productivity is a cultural crisis.

When Everything Is Urgent, Nothing Is Important

Flexible work was meant to give us freedom. Instead, without clear expectations or cultural guardrails, it’s created a vacuum. And in that vacuum, people fill any vacant space with more work.

When boundaries are blurry and the day never really ends, people default to hyper-responsiveness: constant emails, back-to-back meetings, and zero time to think. According to Harvard Business Review, performance drops dramatically after 50 hours per week, and after 55, it flatlines entirely.

More work doesn’t equal better work. It equals exhausted, distracted, and disconnected teams.

And yet, most leaders remain silent. Instead of defining what healthy, high-performance looks like, we allow the system to keep running on fear, urgency, and false signals of productivity.

We’ve built systems with reactionary tools like instant messaging and notifications masquerading as productivity hacks. But what they really are is disruption dressed up as efficiency. They reward reactivity over reflection. And then we wonder why innovation stalls, morale drops, and burnout climbs.

Even AI Is Reflecting the Deeper Problem

The problem isn’t just operational. It’s emotional. People are overwhelmed and under-supported. And even AI data shows us that.

According to Harvard Business Review, the top emerging uses of generative AI aren’t technical. They’re human. People are turning to AI for:

Therapy

Life organisation

Finding purpose

These aren’t process problems. They’re signs of emotional depletion. People are turning to machines for relief and perspective because they can’t find it in their workplaces.

If AI is being turned to for comfort, clarity, and existential reflection, we should be asking: what aren’t our leaders providing?

The message is clear, workers don’t just need tools. They need trust, psychological safety, and a sense that what they’re doing actually matters. That starts with leadership, not algorithms.

The Hidden Cost of “I’m Busy”

And here’s the part that’s often missed: leaders are overwhelmed too. They’re stuck in the same reactive system, unable to access the space and clarity they need to lead well.

Over the past seven years, I’ve delivered programs inside some of Australia’s largest companies, exploring the culture of busy and exposing what it really tells us about an organisation’s ability to innovate and create a place where people are proud to work. One of the most profound insights to emerge again and again is this: busy is often code for something else. When leaders are challenged to unpack what they actually meant the last time they said “I’m busy,” here’s what comes out:

“I’m exhausted.” “I don’t have the energy to do more.” “I don’t know how to prioritise.” “Please don’t give me anything else.” “My head is full. I’m overwhelmed.”

In other words, busy is often code for burnout, capacity limits, an inability to prioritise or a quiet cry for help.

If leaders could start decoding busy both in themselves and in their teams they’d have a far clearer view of the real barriers to performance and wellbeing. Because when someone says “I’m busy,” they’re not always telling you about their schedule. They’re revealing their psychological state.

A More Human Way Forward

This is where the reset begins, not with better tech, but with better leadership.

Wise Compassionate Leadership is not soft. It’s strategic. Grounded in evidence from Harvard and organisational psychology, it balances empathy with clarity and boldness with discernment. It creates the conditions to do hard things humanely by making space for deep thinking, genuine collaboration, and meaningful progress to actually happen.

And the data backs it: organisations that embrace these principles outperform peers on innovation, engagement, and long-term resilience.

But this isn’t something that starts on a whiteboard. It starts with individual leaders choosing to work differently.

That means being the first to:

Set boundaries that others won’t

Challenge the urgency culture

Prioritise what’s meaningful over what’s simply loud

It also means learning to decode “I’m busy” as a signal, not just from others, but from yourself.

Less Noise, More Impact

It’s easy to confuse constant motion with real progress in a system that never stops.

But effective leadership isn’t about keeping up, it’s about making space for clear thinking, meaningful work, and outcomes that actually matter.

The leaders who will define the future aren’t the ones doing the most.

They’re the ones willing to lead differently cut through the noise, question the default, and prioritise deep, deliberate impact over busyness.

If you’re a leader with a busy team:

It’s time to look beyond to-do lists. If your team is always busy but struggling to make meaningful progress, let’s talk about how to create space for what actually matters. Book a discovery call today here.

ReferencesMicrosoft Work Trend Index 2025
“The Rise of the Infinite Workday” with statistics on early email checking, after-hours meetings, and digital overload Microsoft WorkLab ReportHarvard Business Review. The Research Is Clear: Long Hours Backfire for People and for Companies
Cites the performance drop after 50 hours and flatline after 55 HBR, 2015Harvard Business Review. What People Are Really Using Generative AI For
Reveals that top use cases are therapy, life organisation, and finding purpose HBR, 2024Rock & Siegel (2020). The Healthy Mind Platter
Discusses the neuroscience of overload and the importance of downtime for executive functioning The Healthy Mind PlatterHarvard Business Review. The Hard Data on Soft Skills
Evidence that compassion and wise leadership drive innovation and performance HBR, 2018

If you’re craving more than a polished job title and a packed calendar, if you’re hungry for work that feels aligned, impactful, and genuinely fulfilling these are the 10 truths I wish I’d known when I began rewriting the rules of success.

Ten years ago, I made a call that would change everything. I left behind a 16-year executive career, relocated my family, ended an 18-year relationship, and started again. Not with a strategic plan or a step-by-step guide, but with a gut-level knowing that something had to change. I wanted to feel fulfilled, not just look successful.

What followed was a zigzag decade of career reinvention. It was messy, confronting, and at times completely overwhelming. But it was also the most purposeful chapter of my life. Along the way, I’ve worked with thousands of women asking similar questions: What if there’s more to success than ticking boxes? What if I’m done performing, and ready to lead on my terms?

These 10 truths are the lessons I come back to, personally and professionally. They’re not prescriptive. They’re invitations. To lead, create, and choose differently.

1. Fear Is a Signpost, Not a Stop Sign

The experience: Every major shift I’ve made, career, relationship, identity was drenched in fear. But fear didn’t mean stop. It meant I was brushing up against something meaningful.

The takeaway: Your body is wired to keep you safe, not to help you grow. Fear is data. Where there’s tension, pay attention. It’s likely to expose the answer you’ve been looking for yet avoiding.

The reflection: What would change if you stopped avoiding fear and started using it as a compass?

2. Action Breeds Clarity, Not Overthinking

The experience: I spent years trying to map the perfect plan. What moved the dial? Micro bravery. Saying yes to messy, uncomfortable action like running workshops when no one knew who I was or pitching ideas before I had the “right” credentials.

The takeaway: There’s no blueprint for meaningful work. It’s built in motion. Action gives you feedback, and feedback gives you clarity.

The reflection: What’s one uncomfortable action you could take this week that teaches you more than another month of planning?

3. Expertise Isn’t Given. It’s Claimed.

The experience: I used to wait for someone to call me credible. Until I realised I wasn’t alone. In fact, I launched a whitepaper to unpack why women hold back from claiming their expertise and what we can do to change that.

The takeaway: Expertise isn’t about being the loudest or most polished. It’s about showing up with insight and lived experience. The moment you stop asking for permission and start sharing what you know, things shift.

The reflection: Where are you still waiting to be picked, when you could be leading instead?

4. Visibility Isn’t Vanity, It’s Leverage

The experience: I used to believe great work spoke for itself. But staying silent didn’t open doors visibility did. When I started owning my story and my voice, the right people started listening.

The takeaway: Visibility isn’t about ego. It’s about clarity. It’s how you build credibility and open doors, not just for yourself, but for others who need to see what’s possible.

The reflection: Where are you hiding your voice when it could be creating momentum?

5. Without Space There Can Be No Change

The experience: The biggest shifts in my work came when I stopped filling every minute. When I created margin for thinking, reflecting, feeling—new insights emerged. I call this the marinade.

The takeaway: You can’t build a new vision in a back-to-back schedule. Space is where alignment grows.

The reflection: What could open up if you gave yourself the space to actually hear your own thinking?

6. You Can’t Get Yeses Without Noes

The experience: My first attempts at reinvention were full of rejection. Crickets. Dead ends. But those noes weren’t failures. They were signs I was in the game. And eventually, the right yeses came.

The takeaway: Rejection isn’t a red light it’s a result of being brave enough to ask.

The reflection: What if every no is just a step closer to your next big yes?

7. You Don’t Need Permission to Lead Differently

The experience: When I walked away from my title and team, I questioned whether I was still a leader. But through research and experience, I realised something vital: women lead differently, and the system hasn’t caught up.

The women I work with lead through wisdom, compassion, and long-term vision. We don’t need to perform leadership. We live it. The problem isn’t our approach it’s the outdated model.

The takeaway: You don’t need a title to lead. You need conviction.

The reflection: How would you lead if you didn’t care what anyone else thought?

8. Happiness Isn’t a Destination. It’s a Way of Being.

The experience: I’d ticked all the boxes and still felt numb. Happiness wasn’t waiting at the end. It was in the way I started showing up every day with presence, purpose, and permission to feel it all.

The takeaway: You don’t need to feel happy all the time. You need to live in a way that can hold both joy and discomfort.

The reflection: If happiness wasn’t something to earn, what would you stop chasing?

9. Proof Wins Over Hype

The experience: I built the Proof Over Hype framework because I was tired of watching women with real credibility being overshadowed by surface level noise. If you want to build trust, lead with outcomes, not optics.

The takeaway: Data. Results. Insight. That’s what cuts through.

The reflection: Are you hoping to be noticed or are you showing why you should be trusted?

10. The Long Game Is the Only Game Worth Playing

The experience: There were years I questioned whether any of it was working and yet something inside me told me to keep building. A decade later, the compound impact is undeniable.

The takeaway: Forget the quick wins. Sustainable impact takes time, care, and consistency. That’s the game that actually matters as it means your work ripples long after the fluff is forgotten.

The reflection: Are you creating something for now or something that will still matter five years from now?

Final Word

Here’s the thing: you don’t need to blow up your life tomorrow like I did. But if you’re reading this, you already feel it something’s off. The version of success you’ve been sold no longer fits; perhaps it never did. You’re craving something with more meaning, more real-world impact, more you in it.

Start there!

You don’t need a perfect plan. Just the next brave move.

Penny Locaso is a Behavioural Scientist, Speaker, Leadership Coach and Facilitator. She helps ambitious women turn credibility into career defining opportunities. Grounded in behavioural science, her work is built for real world impact and grounded in proven outcomes.

Craving clarity and impact? Book a discovery call and let’s make your next brave move a reality  here.

By Penny Locaso | Behavioural Scientist | Leadership Coach

Leadership is running on fumes

If you look around the places and spaces where power and influence is currently held, it would be fair to conclude that leadership has been running on fumes for a while now.

We keep pushing outdated models that reward dominance, short-term wins, and performative confidence. And yet, we wonder why burnout is rising, trust is falling, and workplaces feel more transactional and disengaged than ever.

But there’s a quiet shift underway, and those paying attention will recognise it not as soft, but as strategic.

My prediction: the edge in the future leadership will come from three traits we’ve long under-valued:

Inclusion, compassion and long-term focus.

These aren’t buzzwords. They’re hard-won traits often displayed by women who’ve had to navigate systems that were never built for them. And rather than being rewarded, they’ve often been side-eyed, sidelined, or told to “toughen up.”

But what if these very traits are the ones that will help us lead through increasing complexity in a world that’s crying out for systems change?

The quiet revolution is already underway

The rise of women leading on their own terms, not mimicking outdated leadership norms, but rewriting them, is already happening. I see it every week in my Impact Makers program: women navigating power and pressure with clarity, compassion, and courage.

According to the Harvard Business Review, this style of leadership is defined as wise compassionate leadership and it’s about getting hard things done in human ways.

It’s not about sacrificing performance. It’s about sustaining it without compromising people or values along the way.

Compassion isn’t fluff. It’s measurable advantage.

Compassion, is defined as the ability to notice suffering in yourself or others and act to alleviate it (Gilbert, 2004). But here’s what most people miss, compassion isn’t a feeling, it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be trained.

Studies from Harvard Business Review and the Compassionate Mind Foundation show that compassionate leadership leads to higher trust, stronger teams, and better decision-making in high-stakes environments (Hougaard, Carter, & Afton, 2020; Gilbert, 2004).

It doesn’t mean going easy. It means leading in a way that strengthens relationships while delivering results.

This isn’t just theory for me it’s also the focus of my Honours thesis in Psychology, where I’m exploring how the science of compassion plays out in decision-making. I’m especially interested in how we move beyond intention to actual compassionate behaviour. What does it look like to lead compassionately when pressure hits? How do we build capability in this space?

Because if we want a leadership future that’s inclusive and sustainable, we need more than good intentions; we need systems and skills that make compassionate action the norm, not the exception.

Integrity is hard to spot. Compassion makes it visible

While integrity remains one of the most admired leadership traits, a recent  Forbes article (Chamorro-Premuzic, 2025) exposes the uncomfortable truth: it’s also one of the hardest to reliably detect. Performative ethics, polished personas, and strategic charm often mask toxic behaviours that erode trust from the inside out.

This is where compassionate leadership becomes not just a moral compass, but a practical integrity signal.

Because unlike charm or posturing, compassion shows up in patterns, especially under pressure. It’s relational. It’s observable. And as the research shows, it consistently builds trust, psychological safety, and sustainable performance.

Chamorro-Premuzic argues that the best predictor of future integrity is past behaviour, especially as experienced by those closest to a leader. That’s exactly why compassionate leadership matters now more than ever, it’s not what leaders say, it’s what people feel in their presence. It’s about doing the hard things the human way, consistently.

In a world where integrity can be faked, compassion is harder to perform and easier to prove.

Want to lead with more compassion? Start here.

Here are three simple, evidence-backed actions you can take to build your compassionate leadership muscle:

1)  Practice a daily Compassionate Pause

It’s a 60-second check-in before a difficult conversation, a decision, or a moment of tension, where you ask:

What might this person be feeling right now?What would wise, compassionate action look like in this moment, for them and for me?

This technique is grounded in compassion-focused therapy developed by Paul Gilbert (2010) and has been shown to reduce reactivity, build empathy, and improve leadership effectiveness, especially when practiced consistently.

2) Choose One Act of Self-Compassion

Compassionate leadership starts with how you treat yourself. Ask yourself: What would self-compassion look like for me today?
Then do it guilt-free. Whether it’s pausing for breath, setting a boundary, or letting go of perfection, these micro acts build internal capacity for leading with strength and softness.

3) Start a “What I Got Right” journal

Each day, jot down one moment where you acted with courage, clarity, or compassion.
Why? Because our brains are wired to remember the missteps. This re-trains your attention toward your strengths, and helps you track growth where it matters.

If not you, then who?

The very traits women get punished for today are fast becoming the traits that will define the most effective leaders of tomorrow.

It’s why I launched  If Not You, Then Who? a national, research-led movement gathering the voices of women across Australia to reimagine leadership in ways that reflect how we actually live, lead, and want to make change.

If you’re the kind of woman who leads with substance, who’s done contorting yourself to fit into leadership models that were never designed for you,  this is your space to add your voice to something bigger than a seat at the table.

Because the future of leadership won’t be built on exclusion, it’ll be shaped by courage, compassion, and human-centred wisdom.

References

Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2025, May 2). Everyone wants integrity, but no one knows how to measure it. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/tomaspre...

Gilbert, P. (2004). Evolution, social roles, and the differences in shame and guilt. Social Research: An International Quarterly, 70(4), 1205–1230.

Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.

Hougaard, R., Carter, J., & Afton, M. (2020). The hard data on soft skills. Harvard Business Review.  https://hbr.org/2020/01/the-hard-data-on-soft-skills

West, M. A., & Bailey, S. (2020, December 3). Compassionate leadership is necessary—but not sufficient. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/12/compassionate...

"You just need to speak up more. Be more confident. Lean in."

How many times have you heard that?

If you’re a purpose-driven woman navigating leadership spaces, I’m guessing more than once.

For years, women have been told that the key to influence is volume, that if we just talked louder, took up more space, or "acted like a leader," we'd be handed a seat at the table.

Here’s the problem:  It’s not true.

Because it doesn’t matter how loud you are if the system only rewards ego, noise, and short-term wins.

Women don’t need to perform leadership.

We need to  redefine it with substance, not soundbites.

Visibility Without Value Is a Dead End

Through my research and years working with ambitious women, I’ve seen the same pattern:

Women aren’t opting out of leadership because they lack ambition. They’re opting out because the model they’re being asked to fit feels hollow.

Leadership, as it stands, is often:

Performative: rewarding those who appear influential, even when there’s little behind the curtain.Extractive: demanding relentless output and assimilation at the cost of authenticity.Disconnected: from people, purpose, and long-term impact.

If you’re leading with compassion, inclusion, and a vision for sustainable change, that model doesn’t just feel misaligned, it feels ick.

But here’s where everything shifts.

Proof Beats Pretence: The Power of Evidence-Backed Leadership

Influence isn’t about shouting louder.

It’s about showing the right people the right kind of  proof.

When I published my Hidden Figures research it wasn’t just a whitepaper it was a door opener. It gave me credibility in rooms where opinions weren’t enough. It sparked conversations with organisations, media, and decision-makers who we’re ready to listen to a different perspective.

Why? Because data, insight, and lived experience are hard to ignore when they’re presented as evidence.

This is the foundation of what I teach inside my Impact Makers  program, how to turn your work, your story, and your results into undeniable proof of value.

Because women shouldn’t have to mimic outdated leadership styles to be heard.

They should be equipped to lead on their terms, with the evidence to back it up.

What the Research Tells Us (That No One’s Talking About)

In my latest research project,  If Not You, Then Who? I reviewed study after study on women in leadership.

The loudest message?

Everyone’s focused on getting women into leadership, but no one’s asking women how they would actually  define it on their terms.

The evidence shows:

Women face systemic barriers, especially those from marginalised backgrounds.

Leadership is still framed by masculine ideals: authority, dominance, decisiveness.

Women who lead with relational, compassionate styles are often undervalued.

Intersectionality is largely ignored.

And yet, there’s a glaring gap in research exploring what leadership would look like if it reflected women’s values and how they want to truly lead.

That gap? It’s exactly where  evidence-backed leadership comes in.

When women use research, insight, and data to define success on their terms, they don’t just participate in leadership they reshape it.

From Insight to Influence: How Impact Makers Lead Differently

Inside Impact Makers  I work with women who are done waiting for permission.

They’re engineers, consultants, bankers, executives, entrepreneurs all brilliant at what they do. But like many, they’ve felt stuck in systems that don’t value what actually matters.

Here’s what we focus on:

Clarity: Getting clear on the impact they’re here to make.

Evidence: Turning lived experience and outcomes into proof.

Visibility: Sharing that proof in the right rooms, with the right people.

Because when you lead with evidence, you’re not asking to be noticed.

You’re making it impossible to be overlooked.

Leadership Isn’t About Volume. It’s About Value.

If you’re tired of being told to "just be more confident" or "speak up"...

If you know you’re here to create meaningful impact but the old rules of leadership don’t fit your values…

It’s time to stop playing by them.

Lead with substance. Lead with evidence. Lead on  your terms.

Want to See What’s Possible When You Stop Asking for Permission?

The doors to Impact Makers  are now open.

If you're an ambitious, purpose-driven woman ready to turn your work into influence and influence into real-world change, I invite you to apply.

APPLY NOW

Because leadership isn’t about fitting in. It’s about standing out, for all the right reasons.

And  If Not You, Then Who?

How often have you looked at the people in positions of power and thought:

"If that’s leadership, I want no part in it"?

I hear it every day from ambitious, purpose-driven women. Not because they lack confidence. Not because they’re afraid to lead. But because the version of leadership they see is completely disconnected from who they are, and the future they want to build.

Leadership, as it stands, rewards ego over empathy, noise over nuance, and short-term wins over lasting impact. It demands women squeeze themselves into a mould built on outdated ideals like dominance, hierarchy, and self-sacrifice.

And here’s what the research makes painfully clear:

Women aren’t rejecting leadership. They’re rejecting how it’s been modelled.

After reviewing dozens of studies for my next whitepaper, one thing stood out: while everyone talks about getting more women into leadership, no one’s asking women how they define it.

What does leadership feel like?

What values should it reflect?

And what would make it worth stepping into?

The System Isn’t Broken by Accident. It Was Built This Way.

The evidence is undeniable:

Women especially women of colour and those from marginalised backgrounds, face systemic barriers baked into leadership structures.Leadership is still framed by masculine traits: authority, dominance, decisiveness. If you lead with compassion, collaboration, or long-term vision? You're often overlooked.Intersectionality is ignored. The more layers of identity a woman holds, the further leadership drifts from being accessible or appealing.And perhaps most telling? There’s a glaring gap in research exploring how women themselves define great leadership.

We’ve spent decades trying to fix women, telling them to be more confident, more assertive, more like "them."

It’s time we fixed the system instead.

Why This Matters Now

If leadership continues to prioritise ego, exclusion, and short-term gains, we don’t just lose women in leadership we lose the kind of leadership the world urgently needs.

Leadership that’s:

Compassionate

Inclusive

Focused on sustainable prosperity

This isn’t just a gender issue. It’s a future-proofing issue.

If Not You, Then Who?

That’s why I launched  If Not You, Then Who?

A research-led movement giving women a voice in redefining leadership on their terms.

I’m interviewing 25 women across industries, cultures, and backgrounds to answer the question no one else is asking:

What would leadership look like if it actually reflected your values and the  future you want to build?

Your lived experience is the evidence we need to create a leadership model that doesn’t ask women to compromise who they are.

Because leadership shouldn’t be about fitting in.

It should be about leading in a way that feels human and drives meaningful impact.

Want to Shape the Future of Leadership?

If you’re a purpose-driven woman who’s felt the disconnect, who knows leadership could and should be different this is your invitation.

📍 Apply to be part of this groundbreaking research here

Let's build a definition of leadership that finally reflects us.

Because if not you, then who?

I recently launched Women of Impact dinners, crafting intimate spaces for women who are dedicated to making a difference in the world so as to connect and celebrate each other. To deepen our conversations and move beyond the superficial, I decided to introduce question cards as an experiment. 

A few weeks later, I found myself seated next to a former boss from Shell, now a senior executive and an inspiring young woman from Tanzania. She’s not only excelling in banking but also runs a side hustle focused on financial literacy in her community. As the evening progressed, she pulled the first question card and read, “How do you handle moments of self-doubt or insecurity?” A collective sigh followed — a shared recognition of the inner imposter that so many of us face.

In that moment, I reflected on my own journey. After decades of self-work and owning my voice publicly, I still experience the cognitive dissonance of feeling confident while fearing being exposed as an imposter. I know I’m highly skilled at what I do and consistently deliver great results, yet that nagging voice of doubt persists.

I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Imposter Syndrome is a recurring theme in my conversations with high-performing women, highlighting its pervasive nature and the barriers it creates to realising our true influence and impact. 

Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is a phenomenon whereby one believes that they are not deserving of their opportunities and achievements, along with the high esteem in which they are generally held by others.

They doubt that they are as competent or intelligent as others might think and that soon enough, they will be exposed for what they really are - an imposter. Those experiencing imposter syndrome often attribute their success to luck or external factors, rather than their own abilities.

What’s most fascinating is that it often affects the ones we look up to, those who are well accomplished, hold senior positions or have numerous academic degrees. 

Whilst both women and men suffer from imposter syndrome a recent  meta-analysis showed that it is more prevalent in women. Evidence suggests that this difference is driven by social stereotypes portraying women as less intelligent and capable than men. This leads women to attribute their success to external factors like luck or hard work, while men tend to view their success as a reflection of their inherent qualities. 

What Triggers Your Inner Imposter? 

Imposter Syndrome often surfaces when attention is called to one’s success, like when you get promoted, receive an award, or land a big opportunity.

I remember receiving the dream executive promotion when I worked at Shell right after returning from maternity leave. It took my nervous system three months to settle down. Every day I would go into the office feeling like someone would work out that they’d made a mistake, and I would be sent home. No surprises, it never happened and that role was one of my most successful and impactful. 

Failure can also trigger your inner imposter, especially after a string of successes. When a setback occurs, it’s easy to start questioning your capabilities and attributing past successes to good fortune.

Why is imposter syndrome a problem?

Because it leaves us with untapped potential on the table. If left unattended it can limit our growth by stopping us from actively progressing opportunities at work, in relationships or even into new learning endeavours.

Strategies to Tame Your Inner Imposter

What we resist persists, this is why our objective is to tame, not suppress. My inner imposter will present itself right before I go on stage to deliver a keynote talk that I really care about. I now know from years of studying psychology and trauma that she is not trying to sabotage me, she’s trying to keep me safe, and her version of safe means talking me out of doing the vulnerable thing.  Essentially, it’s the autonomic nervous system kicking into flight mode and overriding my rationale brain. Awareness is the first step to any change, and provides the launchpad for three simple strategies you can experiment with to tame your inner imposter. 

1. Create a Reframing Mantra

When self-doubt arises, have a mantra ready. For example, remind yourself that feeling vulnerable means you care about your work. Before giving a talk, I tell myself, “This is how my body prepares itself to do great work”. This reframing allows us to ground during moments of uncertainty and kick the rational brain back into action.

2. Reflect with Intention

There are always two ways to look at every situation, and you get to choose which mindset you engage: positive or negative. Next time you feel like an imposter, grab a pen and paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left write down all the reasons why you feel like an imposter, then on the right, write down how all the reasons you have noted on the left side of the page are actually examples of why you should be where you are. 

I recently worked this through with an executive client who found herself in a community of high-achieving women. 

She stated that she felt like an imposter because she was younger, from a different industry, had a different cultural background, didn’t have kids… We listed all of her imposter rationale and then I said to her… these are all the reasons why you are exactly where you are meant to be.  You’re here because you bring a different perspective due to your age, your culture, your background…. The relief on her face when I said this was magical.

3. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Employing  Tara Brach’s RAIN technique can be transformative. Here’s how it works:

R:  Recognise the feeling. For instance, “I feel like an imposter”.

A:  Allow the feeling to exist. Acknowledge your inner imposter and invite her to sit with you.

I: Investigate with curiosity. Explore where in your body you feel this doubt and ask what it’s trying to tell you.

N: Nurture with self-compassion. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel this way; you’re not alone in your struggle. Ask yourself “what would self-compassion look like for me in this moment?”. It might be as simple as reminding yourself of all that you have achieved to actually arrive in the place that you are in. 

We are capable of so much more than we realise and the only way to tame the inner imposter is to acknowledge her, understand her and then take the courageous action she’s trying to stop you from stepping into. In doing so we build our resilience and confidence to step into even bigger, scarier opportunities over time that unleash impact beyond what we could see for ourselves. 

If you’re ready to seriously tame your inner imposter grab a copy of my No Excuses Cheat sheet here and start turning your inner imposter into impactful opportunity. 

I’m angry, I’m frustrated. I’m asking myself how it is that as we approach another International Women’s Day, with awareness and events proliferating, yet we remain a staggering 130 years away from achieving gender parity (World Economic Forum, 2024). International Women’s Day has unfortunately devolved into a 'talk fest', where well-intentioned efforts often overshadow the critical need for tangible action. 

We have to ask ourselves what is happening when my corporate clients are re-evaluating their International Women’s Day plans due to the congested event calendar, and women who once eagerly attended these events are stepping back from participating. Many of the female leaders I work and collaborate with are expressing that International Women’s Day has lost its zeal. They’re choosing instead to be more intentional in their daily efforts to drive meaningful change.

The Rich History of International Women’s Day

Did you know that the roots of International Women’s Day stretch back 117 years? 

In 1908 the first National Woman's Day was observed in America, co-ordinated by the Socialist Party to honour garment workers striking for better conditions.

In 1910 Clara Zetkin proposed the idea of an annual 'International Women's Day' at the International Conference of Working Women in Copenhagen, receiving unanimous approval from over 100 women from 17 countries.

Between 1911 and 1913 International Women’s Day was first celebrated in Austria, Denmark, Germany, and Switzerland, with millions rallying for rights such as the right to work, vote, and hold public office.

In 1917 against the backdrop of World War I, Russian women staged a massive strike for 'Bread and Peace'. This event played a catalytic role in the Russian Revolution. Inspired by the spirit of the Russian women, International Women's Day became officially associated with March 8th.

In the year that I was born, 1975, some 49 years ago, the United Nations officially recognised International Women’s Day celebrating it for the first time.

These pivotal moments in history showcase the power of women as a collective and what’s possible when women come together with the purpose of making meaningful change for the betterment of the world.

The Intent of International Women’s Day

The purpose of International Women’s Day has always been to accelerate action toward a world free of gender bias. This includes:

Celebrating Women's Achievements: Recognising their contributions in all spheres of life.

Raising Awareness: Highlighting the ongoing challenges women face and the need for change.

Mobilising for Action:  Galvanising individuals, organisations, and governments to take concrete steps towards achieving gender equality. Why Is International Women’s Day Broken?

Our approach is the problem. 

According to the World Economic Forum, achieving gender parity will take another 131 years at the current rate of change. While there have been improvements in areas such as educational attainment and health, significant gaps remain, particularly in economic participation and political empowerment.

The COVID-19 pandemic further exacerbated these issues, disproportionately affecting women through job losses and increased domestic responsibilities. Reports highlight that women, especially in hospitality and retail, faced significant setbacks, and the rise in domestic violence during lockdowns has only deepened these challenges.

Additionally, the representation of women in influential roles remains alarmingly low.  My Hidden Figures: Where are all the female expert’s whitepaper highlighted that less than 24% of global news sources are women (World Economic Forum, 2020) and approximately only 31% of paid speakers are women (Korn, 2023). This lack of visibility stifles progress toward gender equality, which is crucial for economic growth and societal well-being.

The Need for Action

As someone who benefits significantly from International Women’s Day, particularly as a keynote speaker with four amazing gigs this year for corporate giants. I wanted to call out the obvious because I believe we can do better. 

In fact, I know we can do better.

International Women’s Day has become a talk fest. Every man and his dog runs an event to be seen to be doing the right thing. I don’t think it’s mal-intended.  We’re great at celebrating women and raising awareness, but we fall short on the most important part of the intent of the day. 

Mobilising action.

Whilst we are heading in the right direction our pace is insufficient.

We have to ask the question are we serious about change?

Do our intentions align with our actions as individuals?

Each year we come together as a collective and we chat about the problem and the change that’s needed but rarely do we see the individuals in the room commit to action as a result. 

Just imagine the collective impact of every individual at the end of an International Women’s Day event, committing publicly to just one solid action for change and asking the group or an individual to hold them to account.

The United Nations has made this opportunity easier than ever with the theme for 2025 being March Forward. 

I want to challenge all of us on International Women’s Day 2025 to put the "I" back in Equality!

What I mean by this is what can YOU do? What action can YOU commit to that will make a difference, any difference when it comes to closing the equality gap? I don’t care how tiny your action is, if we all publicly make a commitment, on March 8, 2025, the collective impact of those actions will be significant.

Here’s What I’m Committing To:

Evidence-Backed Keynotes:  My International Women’s Day keynotes will conclude with practical ways women and leaders can work towards creating a more equal future with a clear call to action to make a commitment and grab a buddy to hold them to account.

Impact Makers Ecosystem: I will continue to grow the member base of my ecosystem focused on best-in-class training and mentoring for women who want to make their mark and leave the world a better place. I will support them in landing the opportunities that elevate their influence and impact in places of power.

Psychology Thesis: I plan to focus my thesis on a women’s issue and publish insights that aim to drive progress.

How You Can Take Action

If you’re inspired to make a difference this International Women’s Day, consider these actions:

Read and Commit: Explore my  Hidden Figures: Where Are All the Female Experts whitepaper and commit to actioning one of the recommendations via a social media post using the #IWD2025COMMITMENT.

Facilitate Action: If hosting an International Women’s Day 2025 event, integrate an activity for participants to make personal commitments and share it with another person to keep them accountable. 

Advocate: Publicly elevate and advocate for female experts you admire. My  Hidden Figures research found that women are more likely to publicly own their expertise when others acknowledge them as an expert in their field. Call them out on social media and share how they are inspiring you and others. Recommend them for opportunities that showcase their expertise and elevate their influence. 

Host a Hackathon:  Next year rather than run an International Women’s Day event run a Hackathon to develop innovative solutions to gender-related challenges. 

If you’re done with the International Women’s Day talk fest and you’d like to take matters into your own hands through meaningful action, join me for  The Expert Effect Masterclass.  This Masterclass is designed to teach you how to become a confident and credible leader who lands opportunities for greater influence and impact. Grab your spot  here.

Happy International Day Women’s Day 2025.

I recently stumbled across a thought-provoking insight from James Clear and it hit me right between the eyes: 

winners and losers often share the same goals, but what truly differentiates their outcomes is their system

In recent months, I've been reflecting on my own daily system. What’s working? What’s not? How can I fine-tune it to maximise the impact I want to make in the world?

While reconnecting with my amazing private coaching clients at the start of the new year, the answer became crystal clear.

As they returned from their well-deserved holidays, a common theme emerged: the desire for space. They were eager to hold onto the:

space they had createdfeelings it evokedenergy and clarity it provided

I wonder if space is something you’re striving to hold onto, post the holiday zen?

Listening to their thoughts made me realise I, too, craved more of this seemingly indulgent necessity. I began to wonder how I could incorporate more space into my own system, particularly in my evenings, where my behaviour felt most misaligned with my goals.

So, I pulled out my journal and posed a simple question: How can I improve my evening routine to create more space for what truly matters to me?

The solutions were surprisingly straightforward:

Eliminate Distractions:  I want to read more for pleasure, so I set up an old school alarm clock, removed the iPad from my bedroom (which I was prone to jumping on before bed and reading the news), installed a habit tracker app on my phone and set myself a goal to read 10 pages a night. My streak is currently sitting at 60 days and I am loving how this behaviour-change is impacting how I feel, not to mention helping me plough through the books I’ve longed to read. 

Cultivate Creativity:  I wanted more space for creativity, so I’ve cancelled all of my streaming subscriptions to set myself a new habit goal of no TV on weeknights. That space between around 7pm and 8pm is now my creative space. I’ve popped the pencils and colouring book on the table where I normally sit and watch TV to remind me of this new habit I want to create, and I’ve updated my habit tracker to track my progress.

Let’s be honest we’re all searching for that edge, that secret ingredient that will transform us into success stories. Ironically, this edge is accessible to all—it’s right in front of us, yet many overlook it. That edge is space.

Too often, I hear, "How do I create space?" Perhaps we should be asking, "What’s stopping me from creating space?"

What in my system is blocking space?

Space = Success

If your system doesn’t allow for the space to pursue what you genuinely desire, it’s time to change it—because only you can.

The Benefits of Creating Space

If you need inspiration on the advantages of creating space, consider these three examples:

Watch  Manoush Zimrodi’s TED Talk  on  How Boredom Can Lead to Your Most Brilliant Ideas, it’s a favourite of mine and a testament to the power of creating space.

Explore cultivating or elevating your Meditation practice. My recently adopted Vedic Meditation practice offers the equivalent of over three hours of deep sleep in just 20 minutes, recharging both body and mind. 

Implement Office Hours: One of my clients, the Head of People at a global creative agency, was eager to create space for connections with her global team. Together, we established ‘office hours’—a sacred hour for her team to connect without the constraints of formal meetings.

I could drop off here and leave you hanging with these thoughts, but I won’t because it’s not my style. I’m obsessed with behaviour-change that moves us closer to the lives we want to live and the impact we want to have, which is why I have a question for you.

A question I want you to take away and journal on.

I want you to ask yourself:

What, in my daily system is blocking space and what micro changes could I experiment with to eliminate these blockages?

Notice what comes up and use the quote we started with to inspire you to experiment your way to the change you seek.

“Winners and losers often share the same goals, but what truly differentiates their outcomes is their system.” – James Clear

An Invitation for Ambitious Female Leaders

If you’re an ambitious female leader longing to create the space for those "how on earth did I make it here" opportunities this year, I’m here for you. 

Applications are now open for Impact Makers—a program designed to fundamentally shift your system and transform your ripple into a wave. For all the details and to apply jump  here.

The evidence is pretty clear. Women remain significantly underrepresented as experts, making up only 24% of news sources and 31% of paid speakers globally, you can read more about the alarming statistics on underrepresented female experts in my article here.

My study, Hidden Figures: Where Are All the Female Experts?, explores how women’s relationship with the word "expert" impacts their ability to fully embrace this role. 

In this article, I will explore two themes from the research and offer actionable steps to help more women claim their rightful place as experts.

Two ways to start elevating your expertise and impact

From the Hidden Figures research, two additional themes emerged (read more about the other two here), shedding light on how women can confidently step up and own their expertise. Here are the recommendations for action:

Feel the fear and do it anyway 

One of the significant obstacles preventing women from fully expressing their voice and power in public is the fear of criticism and the risk of being perceived as an imposter. They told me they are “afraid”. This fear can undermine confidence and hold women back from claiming their expertise. However, this fear can also serve as a stepping stone to greater impact. Practising micro bravery, taking small, uncomfortable actions each day, can help build resilience and confidence over time.

My recommendation: Identify specific micro brave acts that allow you to showcase your knowledge, enhance your skills, and raise your profile as an expert. Commit to taking one of these steps each day.

Celebrate all types of experts: if you can’t see it, you can’t be it 

The research also points to a persistent shortage of visible, diverse female role models in expert positions. Many women feel disconnected from the "expert" image they see online, often portrayed as polished and unattainable. If we want to foster more diverse expertise, we need to start by recognising and celebrating the Hidden Figures already among us.

My recommendation: Use your platform to highlight and celebrate female experts in your community. Share their stories on social media, discuss how they inspire you, and advocate for them to be given more opportunities to step into the expert space.

Final thoughts

Real change begins with small actions. By embracing fear through micro bravery and championing the Hidden Figures around us, we can start to shift the narrative on what it means to be an expert. Women are already making an impact, the challenge is creating a space where they feel confident to claim it.

Whether you're a woman stepping into your expertise, a leader in your industry, or someone with influence, let’s work together to amplify diverse voices in the expert arena. Download the Hidden Figures Whitepaper to learn more about how we can support women in reclaiming the expert stage.

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