Kelly Chang Rickert's Blog

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Expensive Divorce

Do you want to destroy your children, suffer mental trauma, and spend over $100,000 to WIN your divorce?

Then hire some unethical child custody evaluators, shady forensic accountants, and pitbull lawyers!

For the 95% of us who don’t have (or refuse to spend) this type of money,  here are the people you SHOULD be working with:

1. Therapist: To help you deal with changes, stress, and anger.
2. Lawyer: To give you a best/worst case analysis, to represent you if you have to go to court, to educate you on family law.
3. Mediator: To find solutions.
4. Parenting Plan Coordinator: if you have children and need help creating a parenting plan.

The Therapist’s Role

Expensive divorces are not caused by RICH people with lots of assets.

Rather, they are caused by ANGRY people who want to fight.

Angry people are blinded by their fury, and intent on destroying their spouses.  But divorce is not destruction, it’s restructure.

Angry people will willingly spend thousands of dollars to prove worthless things, and then accuse their lawyers, therapists, mediators of wrong-doing.

Angry people will unnecessarily prolong their divorce.

Look, you are going to be angry at some time in the divorce.  You should be angry!  I am all for letting out all that steam – you don’t want any of that toxic stuff bottling up inside.  Therapists are best equipped to deal with angry people. They went to school for this, and are trained to handle anger.

The Family Law Attorney’s Role

Law!

Lawyers should practice law.  Expensive divorces are caused by people who are ignorant of the law.

Your lawyer can and should educate you. For example, you should learn from your lawyer that California is a community property state. Thus, all property and debts acquired during the marriage and before the date of separation is community.

Family law attorneys should also advise their clients on the many options in handling your divorce, such as divorce mediation, or collaborative law.

The Mediator’s Role

Once you know you have to divide your stuff, and have to pay alimony, the MEDIATOR should help you decide the amount, and for how long. Financial issues should always be resolved sooner or later. Obviously, if your spouse runs his own business, or has massive undisclosed accounts, you may need to spend some money to ascertain these accounts. But after the numbers are out, rather than fight over which number to use – it is 100%, without exception, cheaper to settle sooner than later. You do NOT want to be the sucker that spends over $40,000 to find an account that had only $30 in it.

The Parenting Plan Coordinator’s Role

Custody is perhaps the ONLY issue that I believe could understandably take a bit longer to resolve. If there are custody issues which don’t involve drug/alcohol or child abuse/neglect, rather than litigating from the outset, it is highly recommended that you hire a Parenting Plan coordinator to help you reach a parenting plan that will work with your family.

Choose your team wisely.

Educate, mediate, and meditate.

You can and absolutely should control how much money you spend in your divorce.

Remember, after your divorce is over, the lawyers, judges, mediators, evaluators, and forensics all go away.  You won’t see them again.

But family is forever.

The post Your Divorce Dream Team appeared first on Law and Mediation Offices of Kelly Chang.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

The Illusion of Control

Many clients come to me desperate, believing that hiring the right lawyer can “fix” a difficult spouse.

They hope that with enough legal skill, negotiation, or pressure, the impossible person in their life will suddenly cooperate.

Here’s the truth: no attorney can change another person’s heart.

Not me. Not a fierce “pit bull.”  Not the gentlest mediator.

The legal system can enforce rights and responsibilities, but it cannot create peace, repentance, or love.

This is why Christians must remember: true resolution comes only through Christ.

True Story

There was once a client who wanted his divorce finalized by Christmas so he could enjoy a stress-free trip with his girlfriend.  He was extremely generous financially toward his spouse, but he could not understand why she refused to sign the papers. He only saw his side: his desire for freedom, his frustration, and his plans.

What he couldn’t see was her perspective.  She was facing loneliness during the holidays and the fear of being “left” to care for their child.   To her, signing the papers immediately felt like surrendering her family and security.  Her fear was crippling.

He wanted to go straight to court.   But even if he filed immediately, the case wouldn’t be heard until March – the courts tend to slow down during the holidays, and everyone, judges included, tries to leave stress behind for a few weeks.

What Worked: Patience and Prayer

I told him to relax and be patient.   I was sure that he would be interviewing other attorneys, but I was at peace.

Behind the scenes, I began to pray – not that she would sign, but that God would heal the emptiness in her heart, strengthen her, and ease her pain. I trusted that once God worked in her heart, she would see what was best for everyone.

And that’s exactly what happened.  A few weeks later, she signed the papers willingly.

No court battle.  No conflict.  Just God working quietly, transforming hearts.

Why This Matters for Christians

This story illustrates a profound truth: the legal system  and the people in it (like attorneys) has limits.

You cannot “win” in family court against someone who refuses to cooperate, at least not in the way your heart truly desires.  You may get legal victories, but you cannot enforce peace, love, or reconciliation.

What to do as a ChristianPray for wisdom and peace.

Ask God to guide your decisions and calm your heart.

Set healthy boundaries.

Protect yourself and your children within the limits of the law.

Be patient.

Let God work in hearts, even when it takes weeks—or months.

Focus on what you can control.

Your reactions, integrity, and trust in God’s timing.

The Miracle Isn’t Found in the Courtroom

Trying to “fix” a combative or uncooperative spouse through the legal system alone is almost always a losing battle.

Only Jesus can heal the emptiness, soften hearts, and bring real resolution.

Remember John 16:33 (NIV):

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

The courts may protect your rights, but God provides peace that transcends circumstances.

He can work quietly behind the scenes, in ways the legal system never can.

When we trust Him, act wisely, and pray faithfully, we can witness miracles – even in the most difficult relationships.

Not by Power, Not by Might, But By the Power of the Holy Spirit

The post No Lawyer Can Fix Your Family Problems appeared first on Law and Mediation Offices of Kelly Chang.

How To Terminate Alimony

If you’ve been paying alimony far too long, this post may be for you.

Family Code Section 4322

There is a code section that says where there are no children, and the other side has enough to live on, you can seek termination.

This wonderful code section is Family Code section 4322, which states, “In an original or modification proceeding, where there are no children, and a party has or acquires a separate estate, including income from employment, sufficient for the party’s proper support, no support shall be ordered or continued against the other party.”

Free Judge’s Benchguide on Support

First, educate yourself by reading this Judge’s Benchguide on Support.

If you want to terminate alimony, you need to argue that there are no children, and the other side is self-sufficient, or has acquired a separate estate sufficient for support. There may be a need to hire experts.

Marriage of Terry

if you are the recipient of support, you will want to argue different things, like Marriage of Terry and Spousal Support Termination under Family Code 4322 .  Call our offices.

What If I’ve Been Married for Over 10 years?

There are so many misconceptions to this.  Check out these 2 other blog posts

Divorce and the 10-Year Rule

10 Year Marriages and Divorce

Of course, the BEST way to avoid or limit alimony is to put it in your prenup.

The post How To Terminate Alimony appeared first on Law and Mediation Offices of Kelly Chang.

Parenting Plan Doesn’t Work With My Schedule

@lawyerkelly

Best interests #bestinterestofchild #coparenting #jointcustody #divorceattorney #familylaw #MiFamilia

♬ Follow me – Shawn

 

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Exercise and Eating Right Yields Healthy Relationships

I once was involved in a case where the couple drifted due to diet and exercise habits.

Husband and wife were once on the same page, thereafter Husband began to care about exercise and diet.  Their lifestyles gradually drifted and then affairs happened.  Then, divorce.

Healthy Relationships and Exercise

I’m not sure how this relates to anything that should be on a family law attorney’s blog.

Apparently, sometimes too much exercise can hurt a marriage too:  A Workout Ate My Marriage.

Don’t Be Deceived By the Internet

I do note, however, that in order for a marriage to work, many many sacrifices and compromises must be met.

I also note that the world we live in is increasingly focused on “self”.  Especially on social media.

If you happen to drift onto my website because you’re considering divorce, I hope to dissuade you from such.

Maybe consider exercise and diet instead, and how to have a healthy lifestyle together.

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Why 40 is Significant

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Divorce Court What to Expect

The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion. Psalm 11:5

There once was a man and a woman who built a house together.

For years, they filled it with laughter, meals, and memories, but over time, the walls began to shake with anger and resentment.

They could no longer see the love they once held; all they saw were the wrongs done to them.

Headed to Court

One day, they went before the rulers of the land to divide what they had built.

“Decide for us,” they said, “who shall take the house, the gold, the children, and the treasures of our life.”

The rulers, cloaked in robes of justice, weighed the arguments, listened to the accusations, and pronounced their judgment.

But the judgment was not simple, and it was not kind.

For the court, by design, could not see hearts; it could only see claims and counterclaims.

The house was split, not according to fairness or mercy, but according to the law’s cold logic.

Walls were torn, treasures were claimed, and bitterness poured like fire through the halls.

And the children – innocent and small – stood in the courtyard, helpless, as the home they had known crumbled around them.

To the neighbors and ordinary people watching from afar, it appeared the parents had gone mad.

Everyone could see they were destroying themselves, yet they continued to blame the other.

It seemed they would rather tear the house down—burn it to the ground – than allow the children to find happiness with the other.

Beware of Family Court

In that court, nothing was safe; every claim, every possession, even the hearts of the children were caught in the crossfire of their fury.

Let all who enter the halls of divorce court take heed: it is a place where hearts are ignored, love is measured only in claims and defenses, and the sword of judgment can bring utter ruin. Only those who come with wisdom, humility, and a willingness to reconcile may hope to leave with anything of lasting value.

May God open the eyes of those who can see, that they might truly see, and let them not be blind like this couple.

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Keep Elections Fair in California Vote NO Prop 50

Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.  Isaiah 10:1-2

Most people don’t understand what’s going on in politics these days, which makes foul play extremely easy for those in charge.

Don’t Hate Trump So Much That You Become Like This They Hated Trump So Much

These days, many people vote without really paying attention to what a proposition or measure actually does – they just vote against Trump.

It’s very disturbing that people hate him so much that they are wlling to hurt themselves just to express their hatred.

Remember when news circulated suggesting a link between Tylenol and autism?  Some women, in protest, took dangerous amounts of Tylenol, and tragically, some even suffered kidney failure—all in a misguided attempt to make a point.

This same mindset is at play with how politicians like Gavin Newsom have marketed Prop 50 as a way to be  “against Trump.”

Don’t fall into that trap. Be thoughtful and informed about what you’re actually voting for. Here’s what Prop 50 really means—read, understand, and decide for yourself.

Prop 50 isn’t about Republicans or Democrats.  It’s about the strong v weak.

Prop 50 Explained

Once upon a time in California, everyone needed a big map that showed where people would vote for their leaders.

Enter the Helpers

A few years ago, the people of California said:

“Let’s ask helpers who don’t work for the government to draw the map.  They’ll listen to everyone and make it fair.”

Those helpers are called the Redistricting Commission.

The helpers worked hard!

They listened to towns, families, and neighborhoods.

They tried to make the map fair, so everyone’s voice could be heard.

They didn’t care which team won — they just wanted to make sure everyone got to play by the same rules.

Their hearts were set on fairness.

Enter Sneaky Players

But now, some lawmakers in the California Legislature are saying,

“Hmm… maybe we should draw the map this time instead.”

You see, those lawmakers already have a lot of power.

And sometimes, when people have power for a long time, they can start thinking about what helps them instead of what’s fair for everyone.

They might not mean to, but their hearts can get a little biased – like cheering for their own team instead of all the players.

The Bible reminds us:

“The heart is deceitful above all things.” — Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

That’s why God teaches us to set up systems that keep things fair – so no one can secretly move the goalposts or tilt the scales in their favor.

What Proposition 50 asks

Should the lawmakers draw the new map themselves, or should we let the fair helpers — who listen to everyone — do it again?

If you vote YES:

You’re saying, “Okay, lawmakers – forget the helpers – you can draw a new map.”

If you vote NO:

You’re saying, “No thank you — let’s keep using the fair map the helpers already made.”

Think of it like soccer:

Imagine one team is losing and says,

“Wait! We’re going to move the goalposts to make it easier for us to score!”

Would that be fair?

Of course not!

That’s what can happen when people in power get to redraw the map.

Voting No on Prop 50 helps stop that.

It keeps the goalposts where everyone agreed they should be.

The Bible says:

“The Lord detests dishonest scales,
but accurate weights find favor with Him.” Proverbs 11:1 (NIV)

“Do what is right and fair.” Proverbs 21:3 (NIV)

God loves honesty — not playing favorites, not bending the rules — but doing what’s right for everyone.

In simple words:

Prop 50 asks, “Who should draw the map — the fair helpers or the lawmakers?”

A No vote keeps the map fair, keeps the game fair, and helps California do what’s right in God’s eyes.

VOTE NO on Prop 50.

The post Keep Elections Fair in California Vote NO Prop 50 appeared first on Law and Mediation Offices of Kelly Chang.

Sheep’s Blood Anti-Venom

I heard this story the other day, and I wanted to share it with you.

A rattlesnake bit one of my sheep in the face about a week ago. Deadliest snake that lives around here.

The sheep’s face swelled up and hurt her terribly.

But the old rattlesnake didn’t know the kind of blood that flows through the sheep.

Anti-venom is most often made from sheep’s blood. The sheep swelled for about 2 days but the blood of the lamb destroyed the venom of the serpent.

I was worried but the sheep didn’t care.

She kept on eating, kept on drinking and kept on climbing because she knew she was alright.

Often the serpents of this life will reach out and bite us. They inject their poison into us but they cannot overcome the Blood of the Lamb of God that washes away the sin of the world and the sting of death.

Don’t worry about the serpent or his bite, just make sure that the Lamb’s Blood is flowing through your veins.”

Author Unknown

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:7

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When Praying is a Crime

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