Toshi Drake's Blog

#TwistInTheTale #OctoberShortStories #HalloweenShortStories

It was after midnight and the road was wet from the evening’s rainfall. I was driving home from a friend’s party; one I didn’t want to attend but went for appearance’s sake. My best friend was there and so was my ex. I had to show them up. I had to prove that I was over him, that breaking up with him was the best decision I had ever made. Even though he was the one who did the breaking.

I was one of the first people who left. I used the work excuse. It was easy and honest most of the time. My thoughts kept creeping into memories of the night. How he looked. Marvellous, of course, with his button-down shirt and khaki pants. The way he constantly looked at me. Our eyes did meet, but I wasn’t going to back down. He made the decision. Fuck him. I wasn’t sure what happened next. I must have blinked or something. He came out of nowhere, right in front of my car. I screamed and slammed on the brakes. My tires squealed and I swerved to avoid the man in the road and ended up in the ditch. As the car hit the embankment, I cracked my head off the steering wheel. Stars flickered in my vision and they were brilliant.

Time passed, it must have, because when I focused on my circumstances, the blood was tacky against my fingers. My cheeks stung from the shattered glass, but that was it. Undoing the seat belt and shoving the door open, I fell out of my car. My feet landed in the water-laden ditch. “Here, let me help you.” His voice was that of an angel. My saviour wore white and had a glowing halo. At least, I thought there was a halo. “Sir, sir! Look at me,” He pulled me out and stood me on the road. His hand was gentle on my chin. I’m sure his eyes burned gold. “There you are. Can you see me? Hear what I’m saying?” “What?” I mumbled. My legs were weak and I wanted to sit down in the worst way. My face stung and I prodded my cheeks, wincing as I poked a sharp object. “I have a sliver.”

“You’ve been in a car accident. I am so sorry. I didn’t expect anyone to be driving so late at night.” he led me to a spot under a light. Which was weird. There usually wasn’t any light on this stretch. Most of the houses were too far set back from the road. “I need a favour. I know it’s late and you’re hurt, but I must ask. Can you help me get home?”

“Huh?”

“Charlie, pay attention. I need your help.” He repeated himself and I sort of understood. He needed me for something.

“I think,” I mumbled, though that was a challenge, “maybe you should help me?”

“I can and I absolutely will, for sure. But please, you must agree.” The angel with the butter-soft voice held my head in his hands and forced me to gaze into his ethereal beauty.

“But…I guess?” Nothing more would be amazing than lying down on a flat road. I didn’t care that it was wet. It wasn’t moving like the world was. “You agree?” He was so forceful and intent on me agreeing to him. It was, well I wasn’t sure but I didn’t like it.

“Yes, I agree!” The loudness of my voice resonated in my head which made the throbbing worse. I leaned around the angel in man form and threw up. It was awfully red. Did I eat something red at the party? I don’t remember.

He gently wiped my mouth with the sleeve of his robe before kissing me lightly. The touch was sparkly and snapped me back to the present. “Can you bring me home?” he whispered as he pulled away. His eyes were brighter than the evening sun and as much as I longed to agree with him, I glanced at my totalled car. “I don’t think I can. My car…” I had to deny his request. I couldn’t do it.

“Oh, Charlie, I don’t need you to drive me home. I’m just around the corner. I just need you to bring me there. I can’t do it alone.” That made sense. I could do that. Walking was easy. How did he know my name?

The thought buzzed around my head before floating away with the other thoughts as the angel stood with his hand out waiting for me to take it. “What’s your name?” I asked as I touched my forehead. It was so painful. My fingers felt sticky. Right, I was in an accident. I hit my head. “Alex,” He took my elbow and helped me find my way. “Tell me why you were driving out so late. It seems odd to me.”

“Oh, well. I was at a party and my…ex was there. I had to stay and show that he didn’t hurt me.” Tommy with his carefree smile and his flamboyant motion. Everything was a dance number for him. I loved him for it. I missed him fiercely. But I wasn’t enough. I was too staid, too boring. He left me for another person weeks ago. “I went to prove I was a partier. I could hang out all hours and be the life of the party.” “You didn’t like it, did you?” Alex understood why I was miserable. He understood the concept of social batteries. “No. Not really. It sucked. I got to watch him make nice with our friends while… while… God, why is this so hard? Why couldn’t he do the same for me?” I stopped in the middle of the road and stared out toward the water. Was the water always there?

“Come on, Charlie. This way,” Alex steered me back to the road. I’d driven down here so many times. How could I have hit something? I know how to slow down when the road’s slick. So many accidents happen to other people. Not me. “Did you see anything in the middle of the road? I’m trying to remember what I hit but my mind is blank. Did I hit a dog? Fuck.” I stopped and spun around. I couldn’t leave a dog out here. The poor thing was abandoned like that.

“Charlie, you didn’t hit a dog. Come on, we’re almost there. Stay with me, okay?” Alex touched my arm with his cool hands and I stared at them. They glowed. Like a million candle power. Did Alex douse his hands in glowstick stuff? What a terrible night to play with…God my head hurt.

“Do you like your ex? Would you want to be with them again?” Alex asked.

“I dunno. I mean, he’s a good guy but maybe we weren’t a good match. Maybe I needed someone who was a bit more low-key, who liked to stay home sometimes. Alex, are you sure the corner–I swear we’ve been walking for hours.” I twisted around, trying to gauge the distance but a thick fog rolled in, blocking my view of my car. “Low key is always nice. And we’re good. It’s fine. Just place one foot in front of the other.” Alex paused and patted my forehead and cheek. His white handkerchief had been stained red. When did I start bleeding again? “My partner is waiting for me. He always waits. He’s a worrier, like you.” “It’s a sign that you care,” I stoutly said before coughing. I keeled over and tried to force air into my lungs, but I couldn’t. There was a tickle that wouldn’t go away. Trying to gather air was impossible. Alex crowded me, his hand was on my back and the other was on my chest, pressing down. As time passed, the fit ended leaving me weak. The journey to the corner seemed impossible now. I sat on the wet ground and shook my head. “Charlie, I know you hurt and you’re tired but we’re almost there. Soon, you can rest.” Alex tugged on my arm, bringing me to my feet. “Don’t you want to prove to your ex you don’t give up? Show him who’s the boss?”

Alex was right. I wasn’t a quitter. I wasn’t the one who let go when things became difficult. Though standing was a challenge and my breath was shallow. “When we get to your place, I have to sit.”

“You can, you can. My partner has the bed made for you. You’re doing so well, Charlie.” Alex praised me and I was so confused. “I thought I was helping you with something.” I tried to run the conversation back in my head but it kept drifting away, leaving images of blood and pain. “I need to call 9-1-1.”

“Shh, remember you’re helping me find my way home. That’s what I needed you for. Getting home. It’s so dark, Charlie and I’m so scared.” Alex’s voice wavered at the end there and I nodded. It was pretty foggy and this road was dangerous with the fog. Alex might have been bright with his bioluminescence but some drivers never saw what was in the middle of the road until it was too late.

“Alex, did I hit you? Is this a dream?” I wrenched myself away and stumbled backward to my car. I had to see it. I had to make sure that…

“Charlie,” his voice was discordant. It wasn’t melodious like before. Alex beckoned me with his skeletal fingers and the longer I stared the more changed he became. “We’re almost there. I need help over here.” I wrestled with my conscience. Alex asked for help and I ignored him. He wasn’t an angel anymore. He was different, he was scary. Appearances were deceptive and I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. “Please, Alex. Let me do this. Let me see that I didn’t hurt anyone.” “Charlie. Now. You can’t save yourself. That person isn’t there. But I am. I need you. Don’t you want to prove to your ex that you can help someone?” Alex wheedled. I clenched my fists.

I saw the mangled wreckage of my car and how the road glistened under the patchy fog. How did I walk away from that? I moved to step closer to my car and Alex was in front of me. His angelic beauty forever gone as it dissolved into a skeletal hellscape. The bleached white bone was stark against the night sky. His clothes were rags and rage and some unnamed emotion burned in his eye sockets. “No, Charlie. You can’t go back there. You have to stay with me,” His bony hand crushed my wrist as he stopped me from moving. “You promised you’d help me.” “What’s going on?” I winced at the sharp pain in my chest and the sudden pulsing sensation. I rubbed at the ache and gasped as my hand came away bloody. “Alex?”

He pressed his teeth together and gave me a hard look before speaking. “You’re dying, Charlie. I promised I’d get you home so you can complete your journey.”

The fire in his eyes lessened as we stood. I glanced down the road longingly. There was no way I was dying. I was here, talking with Alex. “You can’t go back.”

He’s declining. We’re running out of time. Where’s the doctor? I don’t know. I called him an hour ago. He should be here by now. What about the next of kin? No, not even them. The poor guy’s all alone. No one answered the phone. Well, keep working on him.

“What’s going on? What was that?” I strained my ears to listen to the voices fading in and out. They sounded serious and it scared me.

“Come with me, Charlie. Ignore them. They’re prolonging the inevitable.” Alex draped an arm around my shoulder and faced me toward a house at the end of a point.

My energy lagged as we stumbled along. Every thought was a jumble of other people’s voices and worries about what happened to me. No one was with me. I was going to die alone. “You’re not going to die alone, Charlie. I will make sure that doesn’t happen.” Alex’s demeanour had shifted to a dark grimness. “I watched you, you know. You did so much for everyone else. You were the epitome of a helpful soul. You deserved a good death.” I allowed Alex to lead me to his home. In my head, the nurse repeatedly tried phoning my next of kin and no one answered. I was dying and I’d lost too much blood. Another man, dressed in black leather, stood on the front step of a small cottage. A helmet was tucked under his arm and his hand was held out for Alex to take. “Welcome Charlie. It’s time for you to rest.”

And it hit me then. I ached for it. I was exhausted and I hurt. Alex wasn’t trying to be mean or railroad me. He and his friend were helping me. They surrounded me with warmth and light as they guided me to the small cottage on the water. A skiff bobbed in the water and it called to me.

Alex steered me away from the dock and brought me inside their cozy home. A small fire gave off warmth from their stone fireplace and something delicious had a wonderful smell in the kitchen. My mouth watered.

“I made a cabbage casserole for dinner. Would you like to have some?” The man in black asked. He was handsome with pale skin and blue flames for eyes. His skin was tight against his skeleton but at least there was still something covering his bones, unlike Alex. Though he and Alex suited each other. They were definitely a pair and I wish I could have had that, especially now.

“Thank you. It’s one of my favourites. It’s a comfort meal, you know?” I sat down at a table

Alex had slipped into the kitchen while I hadn’t been looking before reappearing with a bottle of Chianti and a basket of buns. Another favourite of mine. “This is so nice. Thank you, Alex.” The pain in my chest spiked suddenly, stopping my breath. Blood dribbled out of my mouth. “Fuck. I’ve made a mess.”

I grabbed a snowy white napkin and pressed it against my mouth. “Charon, he’s running out of time,” Alex exclaimed. Charon came out with plates filled with casserole. It smelled like home. I was ready for home.

“Eat up, Charlie. Enjoy every bite.” Charon ordered as he sat down. He leaned over and kissed Alex on the mouth lightly. The easy affection made me smile and ache for my own lover. The food was delicious and I ate every bite of it. As I leaned back, I sipped my wine and thought about what my last wish would be. I longed to say goodbye to my Charon, my Alex. It was time. Charon stood and Alex followed suit. They held their hands out for me to take. Charon ruffled my hair while Alex squeezed me tight.

“Come on. Time to go.” Charon set his heavy hand on my shoulder and led me to the skiff moored outside. The fog was heavy but I could see lights in the distance. White ones are far away while red and blue ones are so near. Charon turned my head so I faced the white light. It wasn’t what I wanted. This thought sprung to mind when the shimmering light glimmered at me. As much as the idea of peace and relaxation appealed to me, I still had things to say. I had to tell Tommy how I felt. That he hurt me. “No. I–I don’t want this.” “Charlie, you don’t get a choice. It’s your time. You’ve had your last repast. That’s it. You must come with me.” Charon nudged me down the dock, even as my feet dragged.

It became clear that I didn’t have a choice. I had to take the skiff and go into the white light. I didn’t have the opportunity to say what I needed to say. Charon had his mission and fuck anyone who decided otherwise, like me. “Honestly, this isn’t what I want. You can’t make me.” I tried to pull my arm away, but Charon’s fingers turned to claws, digging into the soft flesh of my arm.

“You’re dead, Charlie. There’s nothing left in that car. You can’t.” Charon continued to drag me to the skiff. Everything I did failed. He threw me in and jumped in after me.

The blue and red faded and my heart filled up with so much loss. My life was wasted.

“That’s how it seems, Charlie. But it’s not true. You are a pure soul, a friend, a hero. You did not waste anything.” Charon assured me before focusing on his rowing. The bright light grew blinding the closer we got. “Goodbye, Charlie.”

Air rushed into my lungs and I screamed. Two hands held me down and stern words were uttered. Everything was chaotic and loud, bright and astringent.

“Someone, help me.”

“Get the doctor.”

“Charles, relax, it’s okay. Just relax.” I knew that voice. It was… it was as familiar as my own but I couldn’t place it.

I squeezed my eyes closed. Maybe I should be with Charon and Alex. Maybe this wasn’t the right place. Maybe I was in hell.

Then a strong hand gripped mine. A familiar scent wafted over me. Mint blended with coffee or chocolate. Lips brushed my forehead. And something in me relaxed. I sank into the hard bedding and held on to the raft of comfort.

“Heart rate is steady. The patient is awake, mostly.”

I opened my eyes slowly. The room had dimmed and the chaos had lessened. I lifted my chin and tears welled when I saw Tommy there. “You’re here.”

“You can’t get rid of me, Chuck.” He whispered. The nickname used to annoy me. But today? Not so much. “Dammit, Charlie. You almost died.”

“I thought you hated me. You moved out.” I mumbled. I remembered the fight. I remembered the cold shoulder. Doubt swamped me.

“I could never hate you. You’re my Charlie. My best friend, my love. Don’t leave me again.”

“Okay,” I whispered. Talking was too much. Tommy was there. It made me happy. I closed my eyes and dreamed of a happier life.

It was a dark and stormy night….No, that‘s a bit trite. People always start the stories with that. Even though it was dark and the thunder was rolling, it was a terrible way to tell you what happened that night. The night I almost died. Or something. My memory is a big foggy on the details. It’s the lack of sleep. I don‘t think I’ve slept more than a couple hours since it happened. God, the dreams I had. They were the worst. They haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there with blood dripping from his eyes and his hands reaching out toward me.I did try to save him. I swear that I did but my timing was wrong or something. Maybe it was right for me. I missed out on the death claws of that creature. Wait..

What do you mean you want me to start at the beginning? I was trying but you kept interrupting me. On that summers night, me and my two buddies decided to check out an abandoned house out near the edge of town.

I didn’t want to go. I had more important things to do, like bake cookies for the some sort of service group. But I liked Atticus and he had these arms that were thick and veiny and shit. You should have seen his hair. So wavy and shiny blue. Anyway, there was a situation between Atticus and Paul that only I could alleviate. So here I was, outside this abandoned house on the outskirts of town refereeing some enemy to lover shit with my bloody ass crush. Was this what I wanted to do on a Friday night? Hell no. “Nash, what are you doing?” Atticus asked as I hesitated before stepping on the rotten riser. ”Don’t be such a wuss.” ”I don’t want to spend the night in the hospital, Atty.“ He hated the name and I was just that annoyed. I honestly thought I had a chance with this guy and now I find out he has or had a fucking thing with Paul. Definitely wasn’t my night. Just had to get through the guys’ curiosity and then I‘d get to go home, to my pyjamas and my bingeing of the latest quirky J-Drama.

“The boards are fine. Just watch your step.“ Atticus went up the stairs and I winced as I heard the telltale creak of rotted wood. “You gotta see what’s in this place. It’s fucking awesome, dude.“ How come I never noticed what a bro Atticus was? I thought he was different, more introspective or something. Not this dumb jock shit. We weren’t kids anymore. At least I wasn’t. But again, on with the show and all that shit. I didn’t notice when Paul slipped into the house but he must have because I could hear his exclamations when I finally accepted my fate. Accepted my fate. What an interesting concept and how a propos. See, this is where things got interesting. While Paul and Atticus were thinking they were cool dudes, exploring an abandoned house, I stuck to the main level and hung out in areas where I hoped the floor wouldn’t cave in. And then a cold finger drew a line along my neck, sending a wave of goosebumps across my body. Did I scream? Hell no. I wasn’t going to give any more ammunition to them. My crush on Atticus withered like a desiccated flower. I did jump a mile high and I might have bumped into a dining room chair but that’s it. “Who’s there?” No one answered. Not like I expected them to but… but I had to try, right?

Cool wind blew across the tip of my ear and I spun around, hunting for this person who kept circling me. What the hell was going on? I stopped moving and cocked my ear. Atticus and Paul were still stomping around upstairs. I could hear their crude remarks and their footsteps as they searched every room. “You have to get out. This isn’t safe for anyone. You have a chance.“ I heard the words but they weren’t from anyone in the room. I was alone. I know I was. There were only three living souls in that worn out house. And two of them were not in the same room as me. ”Get out now! He’s coming!”

My instincts agreed with the unearthly voice and I hauled ass. Mind you, I didn’t have to go far. I was still in the front of the house and the door was right there. Just as I stepped on solid ground, Atticus and Paul were exiting the door. They were pale as ghosts and they moved faster than I had ever seen them move. “Come on, Nash. We gotta go. There’s a beast in there and holy fuck. Paul? PAUL!” I glanced over at Atticus who was screaming and nearly shit my pants. Half of Paul‘s neck was scratched off. I dove into the driver’s seat and scrambled to turn the engine over as Atticus tried to slide in with Paul in his arms. I don’t remember the drive home but I made it. We sat in the garage of Atticus’s house, pressing gauze on the shredded skin of Paul’s neck. The gore stuck with me. I’d have that image burned into my brain for the rest of my life. “I think it’s mostly closed. Fuck Man. What the hell was that? I’ve never seen that thing before.” Atticus slumped on the side of his car and scrubbed a bloody hand down his face. I passed him a wipe and he dutifully cleaned up. “What the fuck is going on, Atty? Why? Just why?” I snapped, tired and scared. “You’ve been marked. The beast has scented you and won’t let you go.”

Say what? Yeah and that’s when things got real interesting.

The lake was calm first thing in the morning. He could see the gentle fog hovering over the still water. If he had his camera or even his phone next to him, he would have taken a picture. He liked taking pictures of moments in his life. They reminded him to slow down and contemplate the moment. After the shot was taken, normally, he’d breathe in and slowly let it out, still watching the same scene and memorizing it.

Was it because Frank didn’t know his—their authentic self that Joe grew frustrated and left?

Frank just wanted answers. To see where they went wrong. They wanted to know. So they weren’t flying high and dry.

“Frank, what are you doing out here?” Joe. He was here. He hadn’t left. “Have you been outside the whole night?”

“No, not all night. I just couldn’t sleep. The lake calms me. Did I wake you up?” Frank turned his head slightly to catch Joe’s appearance. His former partner looked as bad as Frank felt. His blond hair was messy as though fingers tugged and pulled on the soft strands. His blue eyes had dark circles and he looked unkempt, something Frank would never say about Joe.

“No, no, of course not. You know me, out like a light when my head hits the pillow. I worry about you, Frank.” Joe came over and stood shoulder to shoulder with Frank. “This change… I knew it’d be hard but, sweetheart, it’s not that bad, is it?”

“You want to leave. You need a change and I’m not sure I’m ready for such a big one,” Frank shortened their fight down to three small points. Joe winced at all of them.

“I want to leave Ontario. It’s stifling and I have a chance to broaden my horizons in Nova Scotia. I want that and I want you with me.” Joe took their hand, without the slim silver band, and flinched. “Where’s your ring, Frank?”

Frank rolled a shoulder toward the cabin before delicately pulling their hand out of Joe’s grip.

“Come on, Frank.Talk to me. I told you, this wasn’t a break-up or even a break. This was me scouting a place out on the East Coast.” Joe tried wheedling but when that didn’t work, he huffed dramatically. Frank gave Joe a side-eyed glare but kept staring at the drifting fog. A loon called for its mate in the distance. “If you won’t even acknowledge me, then what’s the point? I’ll… I’m going to Bob’s place for the day. You— do whatever makes you happy.”

Frank shrugged again and blinked at the tears building up in their eyes. Why were they crying? This was nothing. Just a conversation. Something Joe and they did all the time.

They slumped in the deck chair facing the lake, their legs too weak to hold them up. Too many secrets were building up, but Frank was too terrified to speak them out loud. What if this was the straw that broke Joe’s back? What if Joe was the one who couldn’t deal with change?

Frank shook their head and hauled himself out of the Muskoka chair. He felt like an old person as they hobbled up the short flight of stairs to their rustic one-floor cabin. The kitchen was mostly up to date with a small stove and fridge. A wood stove heated the cabin on frosty nights when summer took a break.

Joe had made coffee and left enough in the pot for Frank to have a mug. With coffee in hand, Frank fell onto the couch and sighed dramatically.

Steps on the front deck and the door squeaking open had Frank leaping up. They stood in the living room, unsettled while holding their mug.

Their.

Such a small word but so mighty. So troublesome. How one or two words could change a person’s perspective and life was terrifying.

Frank was they. And the mantle settled on their shoulders, conforming their body, lifting their spirits.

And immediately their mood plummeted. What would Joe say? Did Joe have an inkling? Is that why Joe was unhappy?

Frank wrestled all day with their thoughts. Lunch came and went. The heat of the midday sun burned the fog away, leaving the water clear as glass. Voices bounced off the granite cliff faces as friends greeted one another yelling from one cabin to the other. It was so familiar and comforting.

Frank’s stomach growled, reminding them they hadn’t eaten all day. All they’d been subsisting on was coffee and water. Making food didn’t enter their head at all. Their worry and their panic made everything else dim.

They made a peanut butter and jam sandwich and poured themself a tall glass of whiskey before heading back to the dock where the water called their name.

The childhood memories associated with the sandwich smoothed some of the jagged edges but there were some that still bothered Frank.

The whiskey burned their throat as they sipped. A good sign. They still could feel something, even physical.

“Frank? Have you been out here all day?” A concerned neighbour. Time to put the game face on.

“I went inside earlier. Thought I’d come down for the evening. It’s good.” Frank explained airily. They didn’t want to be bothered unless it was Joe.

“Frank, do you need to talk to someone? Joe said you were—“

“Bob, Joe wants to move to the East Coast. How would you feel?” Frank interrupted before Bob could really get started on questions about Frank’s state of mind.

“I know, Frank. He’s been talking about it for a while.” Bob sighed.

“Not with me. He never discusses anything with me. We—we’re… just I’m fine.” Bob didn’t need to know about the worries clamouring in Frank’s mind. He only had to know one issue. Joe’s need for moving. Not Frank’s identity crisis.

“Janie and I’ll throw a steak on the barbecue for you, Frank. We’d love to have you over tonight.” Bob offered. Frank considered saying no, but their stomach rumbled loudly, reminding Frank that they’d only had one sandwich all day.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Frank gave in. Bob waited until Frank stood leading them through the narrow path between cabins. The whiskey made Frank’s head swim and their stomach lurched unhappily.

At the edge of Bob’s property, Frank saw the deep blue of Joe’s small SUV. His vision blurred and he refused to move another step.

“What’s going on, Bob?” Frank demanded. He—they didn’t like Bob’s machinations or attempts at fixing whatever ailed Frank and Joe.

“Frank…” Bob paused at the base of the steps leading up to a well-maintained deck. Janie stood at the top, wringing her hands anxiously. “We decided you and Joe need—“

“No. We don’t need you butting in.” Frank shook their—his head and returned to the path. They didn’t need to see Joe right now.

Fuck, why couldn’t they get their own fucking pronouns right? No wonder Joe didn’t want to be around them anymore.

Tears filled their eyes, making the walk back to their cabin almost treacherous. The danger root almost tripped them up and normally Frank could easily avoid it but today, as with everything going wrong, his sandalled foot caught the edge, sending a wave of pain up their leg.

Swearing viciously and turning the air around them blue, Frank limped back to the cabin, their big toe aching fiercely. They went to the outdoor shower and turned the spigot on, needing to clean the wound of debris. Sitting on the tiled floor felt good and the water was heated. Frank stared at their toe, unable to see through the film of tears.

It was like the dam of Frank’s stoicism cracked, opening them up to every emotion they had tried to pretend they didn’t have. They sobbed into their legs, trying to muffle the sound so no one heard.

“Frank? Where are— Frank? Baby, what’s wrong?” Joe came. Joe wasn’t on an airplane. Joe followed him—them, fucking hell. They. He was a they, dammit.

Joe turned the water off and curled himself around Frank’s body. His warmth and weight offered protection from the outside world. “Dammit, Frank. You have to talk to me. I can’t help you.”

“I don’t want you to hate me,” Frank mumbled. They turned their head and studied Joe tiredly. His nice expensive shirt was soaked and a bit stained with grit from the bush. He seemed determined.

“Frank, I’d never hate you. You’re my best friend. You know that?” Joe said, kissing the side of Frank’s head. “I could never do that.”

“I’ve been hiding something.” Frank started, meeting Joe’s startled gaze carefully. Their lower lip wobbled as they thought of how to say the words.

“Okay. This has nothing to do with anything, does it?” Joe asked shrewdly. Frank slowly shook their head. “Okay. Okay then. How about we dry you off, dress your toe and sit down at the dining room?”

“Can we do it on the dock?” Frank pleaded. The comfort of the water and the sound of the loon call would protect them from Joe’s disappointment.

“Yeah sure.” Joe stood up and helped Frank into a standing position. He grabbed a towel and briskly dried Frank down before leading them inside.

Once the toe was bandaged and they were in dry clothes, Joe poured them each a snifter of whiskey. “Bob told me you smelled like you had enough but I think we’ll need this.”

Frank nodded. The dock with their chairs called to them. Sitting down, he gazed out at the deepening twilight. The sky was a rich palette of reds, pinks, and purples reflecting off the water. No human noises could be heard as most people were inside now, likely eating dinner.

“Talk to me, Frank. What’s going on?” Joe asked, sitting on the edge of his chair. His legs were turned toward Frank. Joe was wearing his superhero sleep pants and it made Frank chuckle a tiny bit. Joe rested a hand on Frank’s knee. “Frank?”

“This is hard and you’re going to be so upset. Or disgusted. I haven’t decided.” Frank said slowly. They quickly glanced at Joe’s face, seeing only confusion. They weren’t making themself clear.

“Frank, don’t decide for me.” Joe reprimanded them gently. “Just say it. Rip off the bandaid.”

“I—I don’t… It’s hard, you know. Being forty some odd years on this planet and finally deciding that maybe words don’t work anymore. That things don’t apply. I don’t want you to be angry with me.” Frank splayed their fingers out and studied the knicks and cuts along the knuckles. Gosh, they were clumsy.

“Frank, I can’t be angry with you if I don’t know what to be angry about.” Joe laced his fingers with Frank’s and brought it up to his mouth to kiss. “I’m listening, sweetheart.”

Frank flicked their eyes at Joe before returning their gaze to the lake. “I think maybe. There’s a chance… that… I can’t explain it. What if—“

The sharp tone of Joe’s phone startled them both, causing Frank to retreat. Their forehead was dotted with sweat and their chest was going a mile a minute. Confessions were never good for the soul. Whoever said otherwise lied.

Joe’s conversation was brief and almost terse-like, something Joe never was. Frank swallowed and took a deep shuddering breath. Joe turned his phone to silent and gazed at Frank with worried eyes. “Sorry, that was business. It’s Sunday. No business on Sunday right?”

Frank nodded. Their momentum from the conversation was gone. They didn’t want to say anything, not anymore. They wanted to sleep away the confusion.

“Frank, you were going to say something. Tell me. I’m listening.” Joe brought their hands together and held tight. Frank could feel a slight tremor in Joe’s hand. Joe wasn’t as steady as Frank thought.

“This has been on my mind for a while and it just kept building and building. I’m sorry if I took it out on you,” Frank plundered on, apologizing first as they should have done. Joe nodded but encouraged Frank to continue. “I don’t think… I’m not… well I am. But fuck.”

“Take a breath, sweetheart. One breath and let it out.” Joe held their hand tight. Frank took their breath and tried again.

“I don’t think I’m a man. I don’t know how to explain it. But the um, there’s something inside me that says that the masculine words don’t quite fit. That when… that when…” Frank’s head wobbled and they couldn’t see anything. It was all sparkles and rainbows. The only thing connecting them to the real world was Joe’s hand gripping them tightly.

“I see. I see. But you don’t think you’re a female? Like she?” Joe asked lightly, his blue eyes were fierce. Frank tasted the feminine on their tongue and shook their head.

“I don’t think so. It’s they? I feel like a human.” Frank trailed off, feeling stupid for the comparison. Of course, they felt like a human. They were one. God. “You know what? Never mind. This is stupid. We don’t have to worry about this.”

“Frank, calm down. I think we do need to talk about this. I didn’t even realize you were thinking about this sort of thing. How long have you been struggling?” Joe’s hand was sweaty as it held Frank’s, giving Frank something else to focus on. Joe was nervous.

“I don’t know. It just was always there you know?” Frank rolled his shoulders and gazed out at the still lake. The water was a deep almost black colour reflecting the twilight sky.

“And you worried about me?” Joe asked, kissing the back of Frank’s hand. “That you’d disappoint me?”

“Because you’re gay and I’m–I’m not… you know.” Frank whispered. They curled over themself and rested their head on their knees. Their biggest worry and fear were out in the open.

“What? No! No, no no, honey! No, it doesn’t work like that. It’s not like that. Oh, Frankie. Oh, come here.” Joe left his seat and draped himself over Frank’s back, squeezing them tightly.

Frank wrapped their arms around Joe’s middle and breathed in the familiar scent of spicy cinnamon and coffee. Being surrounded by Joe helped but Frank’s brain still struggled. They didn’t want to leave this cocoon of safety ever.

They held onto each for a long time, until the stresses of the day, the gob stopping amount of alcohol Frank drank and the unburdening of their heart bore down on Frank. Their eyes drooped and they felt themselves drifting in and out of sleep.

Joe noticed immediately and hustled Frank inside their cabin where Joe pressed a damp cloth against Frank’s eyes and forced a glass of water down Frank’s throat. He manhandled Frank into bed and sat there, still and quiet. Joe’s presence solved some of the pressing problems.

“We’ll continue this talk in the morning, okay? I’ll make pancakes for us.” Joe whispered in Frank’s ear. “Can you stay?” Frank grabbed hold of Joe’s hand, worried their lover would vanish in the night.

“Sure, scooch over.” Frank opened their arms and Joe rolled into them, his ass nestled against Frank’s groin. Any other time, Frank would take that as an invitation. They’d kiss Joe’s neck, and caress Joe’s belly but were they allowed now?

“Frank,” their name was drawn out, Joe gripped Frank’s forearm. “Try to sleep. Try to relax. I know that’s a terrible thing to ask right now. But for me? I love you, Frank.”

Frank closed their eyes and attempted to turn off the brain. The warmth of Joe in his arms soothed them and brought sweet dreams. The morning would be better. Nothing could be worse than today.

Chapter 2

Frank woke up flat on his stomach alone in a cold bed. He—they stretched their arm out and felt a cold bed. They went hot and cold as every possibly terrible thought raced through their head.

Joe couldn’t stand their lies and left.

Joe was squicked out by Frank’s confession and took off.

Joe was tired of Frank’s wishiwashiness and didn’t want to have anything to do with Frank anymore. That seemed to be the most logical of Frank’s wayward thoughts.

They buried their face in the pillow and bit back the fear that threatened to swallow them whole. Bloody hell, what were they going to do now?

Their bones ached and they wanted to sleep forever, but Frank needed to make sure they were alone first. They needed to confirm that Joe had indeed left the small cottage. Sniffling, they stumbled out of the bedroom to the kitchen where a small pot of coffee burbled. The scent of rich deep roast coffee filled the air and it reminded Frank of home and of peace.

But there was no Joe.

Frank stood in the centre of the kitchen, alone and lost in their thoughts. God, what could they do without Joe?

Welcome to Rainbow Advent Calendar!Today’s story is brought to you by Thomas, StarStation 86’s concierge extraordinaire!

Thank you so much for visiting us today. We have a delightful entree for you today. If you want to see the other stories, try here. and if you’re a Facebook person, join the Rainbow Advent Calendar group

The night of the Padua Holiday Soiree arrived and everything was exactly as I planned. I was extremely pleased with how everything worked out, from the most generic decorations to the absolutely delightful buffet that had only a bit of Terran history to them. It was all thanks to my unwanted partner in crime, Jade Fahren, quartermaster to the Stars. I didn’t want his help. I didn’t need his help. Yet somehow this man, with his sinfully dark eyes and his long rangy body decided yes, I did need his help.

It took me a few moments to accept his decision. Jade did have a few ideas that worked better than mine and his understanding of Terran Winter Holidays had a better foundation since he was half-Terran.

I was still annoyed. Even though he was thoughtful and kind, he frustrated me to no end. As well as fascinated me but that was neither here nor there. Nothing to do with anything. Did I mention how beautiful his eyes were against the pale silver of his skin?

The ballroom on the uppermost deck of the station was beautifully decorated with greenery sourced from Asyra. I had colourful lights strung around the room but kept the window empty so the guests could bask in the aurora of the gas giant. Tables were discreetly decorated and the buffet had treats created by various members of the station.

“Thomas? Thank you. This is wonderful. You’ve put a lot of thought into this and my crew has told me multiple times how much they’ve enjoyed this.” Captain Sartris approached me with his partner, Lieutenant Collins on his arm. Their smiles were what I was looking for.

I mingled with the guests, basking in the compliments as they rained on me. I watched as the unhappiness and worry melted away into joy and frivolity.

There was so much laughter and dancing. I was part of this, instead of being on the sidelines.

“Thomas, come dance!” Someone swept me into the arms and I gazed into the grinning face of Jade. He was entirely too happy. It stole away some of my contentedness. “Aww, turn that frown upside down. This party is amazing.”

“I’m glad you think so. Please release me. I have other things to do right now.” I wrestled my way out of Jade’s arms and moved to the edge of the dance floor. His attention on me was flattering and he was a pretty man but he annoyed me.

“Thomas, there is nothing left to be done. You’ve done a fantastic job. Your team is ready for you to cut loose and relax. This party was as much for you as it was for this crew.” Jade held my arm loosely and blinked at me with his unfathomable eyes.

“One dance and then I must see the clean-up crew.” I lifted one finger up and wagged it threateningly in Jade’s face.

The biggest grin crossed his face and lit him up. He was incandescent with joy. I gaped at him and blushed. I didn’t know I could but the heat warmed my cheeks and I wanted to look away and stare at his beauty all night.

The band played a historical tune from Terra’s past and Jade set me in the first position for a waltz and we were off. I was swept off my feet as he led me through the complicated process.

Other people began to follow our example and there was much laughter. I discreetly glanced around the room and relaxed incrementally as I singled out the members of the Padua crew that concerned me. Commander Wild wasn’t dancing but he was watching as his partner danced with an Asyran whose name I didn’t catch.

Commanders Zoagashta and Trest were dancing in a circle by the large viewing window. The blue aurora framed them in a picture-perfect moment.

“Stop watching your chicklings. They’re fine. You need to focus on yourself,” Jade touched my face with his finger and returned my gaze to him. “When was the last time you let go?”

“I have my required eight hours of downtime programmed into my daily calendar. I do not need to let go as you put it.” I sniffed. That was a lie. In order to remain on top of things for this event, I had switched off the required rest module. I was an android, I didn’t need to sleep or rest.

“But Thomas, you constantly take care of others that you’ve forgotten that you need rest as well. You’ve been burning the midnight candle on this project for weeks.” Jade placed his hand on my lower back and brought me closer to him than what was strictly proper for a waltz.

“We’re not dancing correctly. Your hand must be higher up on my back while our bodies must have a strict adherence of two inch space between them.” I adjusted our stances and threw us back into the rhythm of the moment. His words disrupted my thoughts and I felt something fizzle and fry in my circuitry.

“Thomas? Are you okay? Come, let’s sit down for a moment.” Jade led us to a small padded bench and pressed me down. He squatted in front of me, examining me carefully. “Say something, Thomas.”

“Traditional waltzes were first introduced to English society in 1813. It was a scandalous dance but very popular.” I spoke but there was a disconnect between my mouth and my brain.

“No, say something about me. Jade. Dammit. Who is your superior officer here tonight, Thomas?” Jade flashed a light in my eyes and I merely stared back. I had no pupil that would react to the presence of light.

“Stop trying to blind me. My eyes don’t react the same as yours.” I batted Jade’s hand away and ran a diagnostic of all my sensors, ignoring every single one that told me there was a problem. Jade sat beside me, holding my hand tightly.

“I’ll have to schedule an appointment for a more thorough check.” I admitted grudgingly. Jade frowned and shook his head. “You may be correct in that I’ve overburdened a lot of my capacity limits. It’s easily fixed though.”

“Thomas.” The one word, my name, on his lips, was beautiful. As much as I fought these emotions, I was also curious about them. I had never played with the affection centre of my emotions. Jade seemed like a safe person to engage with.

“Jade.” I mimicked his tone and leaned slightly toward him. His shoulder was warm against mine as we stared at the guests. “I have a proposition for you.”

“Should I be concerned?” He asked worriedly. I scowled. Like I would put anyone in danger. My sole purpose was to make everyone happy. They had questions, and I answered them. They had requests, I fulfilled them.

“No. You know what? This was a dumb idea. You’re right.” I stood quickly and swayed slightly. Jade caught and steadied me until I remained on my own feet. “Have a good evening, Jade. It was a pleasure working with you.”

“Dammit, Thomas. For an android, you seem to always jump to the worst conclusion. Sit down and tell me your idea.” Jade pulled me back to the seat and he gripped my hand tightly so I couldn’t move on him.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I didn’t know how to begin. “I think it would be nice to experiment with my emotions, to see what happens with the endorphins and such.”

Jade cocked his head and narrowed his eyes at me. The wheels were turning in his head and it didn’t look like a good thing. “You want to experiment?”

“Yes. You seem like a safe candidate and I— believe that this will be beneficial for both of us.” I nodded sharply and laced my fingers together tightly on my lap. I was nervous. Why was I nervous? This was an easy ask. If he said no, there wouldn’t be a problem. If he said yes, I could see what it felt like to have that rush, that glow that people seemed to have with their partners.

“I see. Do you have a hypothesis? What are the parameters? Do I get a say in this or are you the only one who can choose?” Jade asked bitingly. I reared back at the almost bitter anger in his voice.

“I—I don’t know. This is new for me. I am tired of being considered one-dimensional. I thought this would be—“

“You’re serious.” Jade interrupted me and his expression went through a myriad of changes until it settled on one dangerous one. “This has been bothering you for a while, hasn’t it?”

I shrugged. I didn’t know when my curiosity got the better of me. Seeing members of the Padua making these soul deep connections fascinated me and left me wanting.

“Have you been experimenting with me already?” Jade asked as he gazed forward. I didn’t understand the question and I worried it was a bomb of sorts.

“I don’t think so?” I went back through my memories and tried to pinpoint when this idea first came to fruition. “I thought about it just now when… an internal circuit shorted out. You reminded me of Commander Zoagashta briefly and I thought that’d be nice.”

“Thomas, has no one ever taken care of you?” Jade asked, his suspicious line of questioning shifting gears. “Also what do you mean an internal circuit shorted out? You just told me you ran a diagnostic and everything was fine. Dammit, Thomas.”

“It was a minor circuit,” I explained before going back to his original question. “Of course. I see a very specific Care and Concern technician every quarter and I converse with the commodore biweekly,”

He stood us and brought me to the centre of the room where people danced in the halo of the giant. He began dancing and I followed along confused by this change of behaviour. “I accept.”

“Okay, I’m glad. But I need to understand the change in emotions. You weren’t happy and now… Jade, you are confusing me. I do not appreciate it. I need to set—“

He took the words out of my mouth with a kiss. It was aggressive and unexpected. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be swept along. It wasn’t like anything he had done before. The other touches of affection were almost sweet and innocent. This was a man who took what he wanted and brought me along for the ride.

I gripped his shoulders and tentatively slid my tongue into his mouth, unsure of anything I was doing. His hum of appreciation was low as he changed the angle. Everything happened quickly and I felt another processor short out as his hand cupped my bottom. I never had anyone cup my rearend before. It was weird and nice. It made me want to press closer to him to see what would happen next.

“Commander Fahren. I uh, recommend you stop kissing Thomas. We have a bit of an issue.” Firm hands pulled me away from Jade.

I dazedly stared at Jade. My mind couldn’t comprehend anything that had happened.

“Merry Christmas Thomas. I’ll see later.” Jade stepped into my space, despite people blocking him and kissed me hard again.

Someone huffed and blocked my view of Jade as I was pulled away. Someone else whispered words but my auditory processors were frizzing out and I couldn’t understand them.

I was set on an empty bench in a brightly lit hallway with Commander Zoagashta kneeling in front of me and Commander Gratch standing beside me with his arms crossed. Both commanders were glaring fiercely at the banquet hall doors.

“Thomas? I’m going to put you in safe mode for a minute.” Zoagashta murmured as they reached for the hidden access panel on my neck. “You’ve been steadily smoking for the past hour and took no action to correct it.”

“We were concerned because you were acting odd with the quartermaster. What’s going on?” Gratch uncrossed his arms and gave me a piercing look.

“Jade Fahren and I were working together to create a splendid holiday evening for the Padua and her crew. He has been vetted by the Commodore and has supplied my staff with everything they needed to make the party a success.”

“He was kissing you. You were shorting out. Not good things, Thomas.” Gratch complained. “Zoa?”

“He’s been running on empty for a while now. His energy reserves are low to nil.” Commander Zoagashta explained. They looked at me with empathy. “Thomas, what have you been doing?”

“Members of the StarStation 86 and more specifically guests of the Soothing Star Retreat are rewarded handsomely with excursions and food designed specifically for their tastes. We pride ourselves on going above and beyond to make sure every guest leaves satisfied with their experience.” I smiled robotically and blinked.

“When was the last time you turned everything off?” Zoagashta asked. Their eyes flashed at me as though I was a problem.

“Concierge androids are ready to serve at the drop of a hat for any request. We will do anything and everything to make sure you are happy.” I responded.

“Is it the quartermaster’s fault? Did he somehow do something?” Gratch asked. I could hear their words but couldn’t respond as they weren’t speaking directly to me.

“No. It’s not my fault. Geez.” Jade’s voice entered the conversation. I only blinked. “I have been doing my best to bank his fires. He’s had it in his head that this was going to be the event to end all events. I haven’t been able to slow him down since he began asking for requests.”

“You kissed him. He started smoking. Explain.” Zoagashta ordered as they worked. A synapse flared and my eyes rolled back in my head blinding me.

“A circuit in my thought centre fried as all of my computing powers have been focused on that portion. It has been running nonstop for the past 96 hours. Minimal resources have been used to run the rest of the body.”

“Repeat that, Thomas. How many hours have you been running without rest?” Jade asked. His voice reflected anger and dismay.

“We have been running nonstop for 120 hours altogether. The thought and creativity centre—“

“Shut him down.”

“We can’t just shut him down. He is a sentient being. He is allowed to decide on his own.”

“In this case as his superior officer, I am demanding you shut him down. It is in his manual that he is required to ‘sleep’ after at least twenty hours of continuous work. If he goes beyond that—“

“This holiday party was his idea. His baby. If you shut him down before it’s over, he won’t forgive you.” Jade said. He sat down beside me and picked my hand up in his before bringing it up to his cheek. “You promise me, you will rest once the lights are off?”

“What gives you the right to override my orders?” Zoagashta snapped.

“He asked me if we could experiment with his affection centre. He wants to see what the fuss is about when one has a partner. He’s using you as a benchmark, Commander.” Jade said swiftly. “Thomas, promise me that as my partner you will shut down.”

I nodded slowly. This was what a partner did, correct? They listened and agreed. They held hands and stared at the stars together. “This is the worst idea in the history of ideas,” Zoagashta groaned. They tapped my cheek lightly drawing my attention back. “If you do not shut down all of your main computers, you will cause irreparable harm to yourself. No one will be able to figure out how to fix you, okay? There is no one, not even Trest, who is capable of fixing androids on your scale.”

“What do you mean?” Jade asked, squatting next to Zoagashta in front of me. His warm hand rested on my leg and I added the fuzzy feeling I received to my memory banks.

“Thomas wasn’t created by any of our people. He’s far too advanced for any of our technology. We’ve been…” Zoagashta sighed. “Be careful, Commander Fahren. Thomas is a dear friend first and a precious asset second.”

I leaned over and kissed Jade’s mouth, curious to know if I could create the same reaction again that he caused in me. “Hey! What are you doing?” Except he refused to participate. “Is this one of those things I’ll have to watch out for?”

“Likely. Can we trust you, Commander Fahren?” Zoagashta asked, pushing me back to the wall. They did something to my access panel before connecting the exterior cover back in place.

“Once the party is done, I will return him to the care and concern unit at the Soothing Star,” Jade said firmly. “Thanks and good luck with his experiment.” Zoagashta patted my shoulder before dragging a scowling Gratch away. “I’ll try to keep this one away.”

Jade smirked before coming to sit beside me on the bench. “So you lied to me.” “I did not. I withheld impertinent facts.” I said, outraged at the slander. Androids couldn’t lie.

“Thomas.” his voice and his expression had me retreating. “This was very important to me. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So many things were going wrong that I needed this to go right. Resting is not…”

“Thomas.” Again my name with that tone of voice had me racing to reassure him. Which I didn’t.

“They gave me the rest of the party to have fun and make sure everything’s going right. So I am going to…” I stood up and everything fired all at once after Zoagashta attempted fixing the burnt circuit. Jade held my arm until I was steady again. “We will join the party.” “Fine. As your partner, I reserve all rights to call the shots if I think for one minute you’re overexerting yourself,” he said fiercely.

“Yes, yes. I agree. Come on.” I grabbed his hand, humming at the difference in texture between his hand and mine. My imagination ran wild as we walked. His hand touched my bottom with nothing between us. The press of our mouths as we gazed into each other's eyes.

I had nothing to do. My staff had done wonders, keeping up with the guests. Food was always replenished, and dishes had been cleared away. I was unnecessary. A small firing in my head had my lip twitch and I hope no one saw it.

I smiled at Jade and led him to the window where the blue gas giant gave off a sizzling array of beauty. I had witnessed many couples standing here together, gazing and it made me curious.

“What are we doing here?” Jade asked, lacing our fingers together as we stood side by side looking out. He wasn’t as affectionate as he was before and it bothered me.

I kissed his cheek and the side of his face before bumping heads. He sighed and kissed the back of my hand. “Jade?”

“I’m thinking, Thomas. Just thinking.” Jade murmured. I didn’t like him thinking. He thought too much and usually it was not to my liking.

“About what?”

“Trying to see if I can do what you want in the next hour.” His words were simple and heartfelt, pinching me slightly in my emotional core. “We don’t have to do this,” I said immediately. If it gave him pain, I didn’t want it. As much as he was bossy and irritatingly handsome, he was very helpful to me. I was starting to like him.

“Thomas,” he sighed as he faced me. Jade held my hands in his and gazed at me. His black eyes held a hint of blue from the planet glimmering beside us. Jade told me so many things from one look that I couldn’t do it.

“Nope, we’re done. I won’t do it. You…” I paused and winced as my fingers locked into place. “You are a good person who doesn’t deserve your emotional centre to be played with.”

“Thomas.” “Stop saying my name like that! I have dissolved our partnership. You are free to do what you want. You were right. This was a terrible idea. I never should have approached you about it.” I shook my head and walked away. Why did I ever even think this was a good idea? Zoagashta was right, I had been working too long. My mental capacities were apparently at their limit.

Jade slipped in front of me and cupped my face in his hands. The roughness of his hands against my cheeks was an intriguing sensation. I closed my eyes not wanting to see myself reflected back at me. He tilted my chin up and touched our mouths together in a whisper soft way. The smoothness of his lips on mine as he kissed me sent me flying off. I gripped his wrists tightly as I returned his affection. He smiled against my mouth as he wrapped an arm around my waist, bringing us closer together. We kissed as fireworks went off in the background, their waterfall of sparks reminding me of my firing synapses. I ignored every one as I tasted Jade. He tasted like sparkling wine and rich dark chocolate. Something I might have chosen with him in mind.

In my head, I surrounded myself in his essence. He touched my mouth and I surrendered my feelings to him. I liked him. I wanted to explore everything with him. He opened my mind and my heart, I guess. Jade Fahren did something to me and I revelled in it. This was what I was always looking for in my life. The thing that caught my attention when I spotted couples like Commanders Zoagashta and Trest. The spark of emotional connection. Jade gave it to me. “Happy now?” he whispered against my ear. I nodded as I curled my arms around his neck and kissed him for the sake of kissing him and not some silly experiment.

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Thank you so much and happy holidays!

The airlock behind me opened with a whoosh and I fell backwards and only managed to get the bottom half inside before it slammed shut. I swore viciously and immediately thanked god for keeping me away. “Leo?” Davis’s voice was hesitant in my ear.

“Yeah, baby?“I need you here at the cafeteria.” he whispered. I sat up and glanced toward the airlock door where the creature stared back at me. The lack of features was terrifying but Davis’s fearful tone made me more anxious to get back to him. I made my way to a standing position and watched as the black mass pressed itself hard against the airlock’s small window. I could faintly hear a throbbing pulsating noise.

Blowing out some air, my helmet fogged up briefly. I missed the specks gathering near the bottom of the airlock window. Something caught my eye and they all flattened themselves against the glass. Suspicious, I stepped through the next door and hit the button to change the atmospheric pressure between the two zones. It was unnecessary and possibly dangerous but it soothed that part of my mind that worried. Something in my head twigged at the specks sudden compliance to my actions. Once in the pressurised zone, I took off my helmet and took in the fresh air. It was heavenly as I sucked it back. This was the calm and the respite before danger came again. I didn’t quite trust those little demon’s specks. “Leo, now please.” Davis’s irritated call beckoned me and I slipped the damp helmet back on, wincing at the closed off feeling. It locked in place and I was ready to confront whatever pissed off Leo. I should have been less cocky. I never should have underestimated these little shits. I stood in the widened area between the command centre where Johnson was and the hallway that led to the cafeteria and Davis.

There was nothing there. It was empty of everything. I saw nothing that connected me to the hallway. I didn’t know how to explain or describe the visual before me. It was inexplicably vast. “Leo? Where are you?” Davis whispered. I gasped as the sound of his voice startled me out of my stupor.“I’m standing in the lobby area, gaping at this… this thing that’s preventing me from getting to you.” I said as I darted my eyes around looking for any possible loopholes that would get me past the nothing and closer to Davis.“It pulsates on our side. We’ve tried lowering the blinds because the sight bothers the children. What do we do? Have you found Johnson or Anna?” Davis asked a little hopelessly. I didn’t want to say no. His giving up meant terrible things. He was the one who always bolstered the crowd. He kept them going in the face of danger and uncertainty. “I’m still looking. I thought I saw Anna but you called me. I’m pretty sure she’s safe. We have to keep the faith, Davis. Okay?” I said earnestly. “I love you, right? And I will be there for you.” “Gotta get some food going. Can’t keep the people waiting. I’m making tacos.” he returned. My mouth salivated at the idea of tacos. I smiled, knowing it was his way of telling me he loved me. It was his most hated meal but he’d make it for me because.

“My favourite.” I blinked back the tears and held on to hope. I turned off my speaker and went to the farside of the nothing where Johnson was supposed to be. The doorway to my work area was half accessible and half consumed by the nothing.

Was it the specks that created the nothing? It confused me because they were a black ball when I saw them outside. They were dense. They had matter. I didn’t understand anything and it was frustrating. Growling, pissed off and willing to take any chances because people were counting on me, I stepped through the doorway to Johnson and felt half my body evaporate. Stumbling, I fell into the command centre and immediately patted myself down to make sure I was all there.

I was fine, however Johnson was not. He was half a man reaching toward help and didn’t receive it. His body was sliced cleanly with very little blood in evidence. Whatever killed him managed to cauterise the slice in one swift motion. I knelt beside him and closed his shocked eyes. He didn’t need to see this for all eternity. “Davis?” I broke my silence.“Leo? What’s going on? The men are getting testy. I don’t think I can keep them calm for long.” Davis said with special emphasis. I knew who he was talking about. They made me irritated as much as they did Davis.

“I’m in the command centre. The computers are working but Johnson…” I trailed off, not wanting to upset my already nervous partner. “Anyway, once, I send out the message, I’ll find my way to you. Keep everyone calm and fed. Remember to leave me some food. I’ll need it.”

“Please don’t do anything stupid.”

“What? Me? I am incapable of stupidity!” I sputtered. I turned off the comms and turned around to gaze at the half of Johnson that still remained. I hoped that the words would keep Davis from worrying. The mass writhed and sputtered in front of me and I frowned as I tried to figure out what my next step had to be.

Calling for help. I sat down at Johnson’s spot and stared grimly at his station. He had it set up so differently from what I was used to. Finding the communications system was a challenge and the buzzing noise behind was starting to become deafening. I pressed my lips together tightly and shook my shoulders. No teeny black speck was going to shake my resolve. I picked up the headset and placed it over my ears. I was immediately surrounded by a peaceful silence. It was heavenly on one and made me nervous on the other. “This is Mars Colony calling Mission Control. Please respond.”

I released the button and faced the bulging mass. Was it my imagination or did it get bigger?

“This is Mission Control to Mars Colony. What is your status?”

“This is Major Leonard Thomson and I’d like to report a breach or foothold. There is a massive alien entity taking over the colony. Two members of my team have been killed by said creature. Sending specs down now.” I found what information Johnson had collected and transferred it to Mission Control. “Requesting evacuation of all colonists to the shuttle ASAP. Over.”

“At this time, we do not have the capability to return to the colony. Can you remain safe in another section from the unknown alien?” I jolted at the response from mission control. They couldn’t return? We had to protect ourselves from this creature?

“Please reconsider transport, if only for the younger members of the colony. Or send supplies. Something. Please.” I urged. It was my last chance and only hope. I wasn’t sure if anyone would answer. “I’m sorry, Major. Your mission was a one way trip. We don’t have the quantities of fuel needed to return. You must resolve this on your own. I am sorry.”

“Can you give us any guidance on how to remove the creature from the colony?” I asked as I dropped my head into my hand. I needed there to be a solution. I couldn’t go back to the cafeteria and let my friends know we had very little hope.

“The team here is working on solutions. Major, we will do what we can. Keep your eyes on the sky,” was the response. I gave the computer the finger, even though I knew no one would be able to see it.

Wheeling around, I eyed the mass and spoke to it. “So hey, if we ruined your home, we’re sorry. We thought we’d done a good enough sweep to make sure there was no life around here. I am in the midst of contacting my people to see if we can move our home away from yours. We want to live on this planet with you in harmony. Please don’t hurt us. We didn’t mean to do anything.”

The mass pulsated rapidly, cycling through a myriad of colours. It caught my eyes and refused to let go. I had to force my eyes shut in order to see. I kept my eyes shut for a minute, hoping the sun blot sensation would be gone and I’d be able to see again. Carefully, I blinked and the mass was there in my space, mere centimetres from my nose. I slid sideways from my chair and darted to the exit, whispering an apology to Jonhson as I passed. The droning noise followed me as I walked quickly toward the cafeteria and another set of airlocks these creatures had shown me they couldn’t get passed. Once safely behind the newly pressurized area, I sighed and slid down the door. I pressed the palm of my hand against my eyes, trying to relieve some of the pain from gazing into the mass’s form. The spots never disappeared. If anything, they became worse the more I tried to blink them away. “Leo? Oh God, it’s you.” I opened my eyes wide to see Davis falling to his knees and gathering me into his arms. “Oh honey. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Hi,” was my most ingenious response. We held each other close, just basking in our touch. I revelled in his hug, knowing how close I was to losing him possibly. I wanted the moment to be happy and joyful, even though in the back of my head, I was going to douse his hopes by letting him know what Mission Control said. “How’re things?”

He pulled back to give me the eye. “Goddamnit Leo. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Why would you ask that? Things are shitty and likely to get worse if you’re going to tell me the Calvary aren’t coming.”

“Can you get everyone to go to the cafeteria? I don’t want to repeat this more than once.” I said tiredly. I rubbed at my eye, trying to clear it of a film forming.

“Yeah, I saved some food for you. It’s in the fridge with your name on it.” Davis loped off and I stripped off the spacesuit, tired of its bulkiness. I stared at the helmet, my hands clutching it spasmodically. Should I keep this?

“Major? What’s going on? Mr Davis said you wanted to meet everyone in the cafeteria?” Jenna Green, one of the colony botanists, stood in the door, wringing her hands.

“I’ll tell you once we’re all together. I can’t do it more than that.” I denied her and went to the big kitchen, seeking out the food Davis said was there. My head throbbed menacingly and I fell to the ground at the sudden pressure. I took some shallow breaths and counted to ten, hoping it would just go away. I didn’t need this. Not now.

Opening my eyes gingerly, my vision changed a lot. Nothing was the same. I saw colours that don’t exist in our limited scope. Lines connecting every living thing drew me. But the worst was the black specks that decorated most of the surfaces in what I had assumed was safe.

The colours flashed and pulsed as though telling me something important. But me being a silly primitive human, could not understand a single message. “I don’t know what you want from me!” I mouthed angrily.

The flashes increased and I fell to my side at the onslaught. Images coalesced together forming a story. They wanted to bond with us. They thought we were unique and they wanted more from us. I was barely the tip of the iceberg.

“Fuck you. Fuck you all. You aren’t getting it.” I swore. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. But they weren’t going to be attaching themselves to my people. And if people from the Station finally pulled through and sent us help or supplies, they weren’t going to get infected either.

I was going to have to…

“Leo, hun, they’re here. What’s the matter? You’re sweating.” Davis came over to me and I shoved him away. It fucking hurt to the do that and the fear in his face as I did nearly broke me. “What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, Davis. I—It’s necessary.” I apologized. I kept my hands up to keep him away. “I’ll meet you there.”

He scowled at me but stayed away. I wanted to hug him and tell him lies that everything was fine. I was fine. Hell my hitchhikers weren’t pleased with my actions either.

I stumbled my way to the front of the cafeteria where the rest of the colony waited. I saw children clutching their parents, stoic soldiers on the sides watching me carefully. Their hands twitched on their sidearm as though that would work.

“So we have a bit of a situation here. Apparently we landed on a bit of an ants’ nest. This spot is already occupied and now… and now we’re fucked.” I admitted honestly. The throbbing pain in my head only increased as the mass tried to control me. “I’ve radioed Mission Control at the International Space Station and… the news isn’t good my friends.”

“What do you mean? And don’t forget there are children here!” A woman, a computer scientist I recalled, shouted out. I faced here and the shades of orange and green shimmered over her. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Nothing good, I imagine.

“The kids need to hear the absolute truth. I can’t sugarcoat it for them. I just can’t. Mission Control said it was a one way mission and there is no way they can send a return pod for us or even supplies to keep us going.” I explained. The shouting began and I fell hard into the seat behind me. I rubbed at my sore eye, trying to relieve the pressure but the mass dug harder into the optic nerve.

“Major, are you okay? You don’t look so good?” Another person asked. I sensed them approaching and immediately I stood up to keep them from coming closer. “Major, your eyes…”

“Stay away from me, Doctor. It’s not a good idea. If you want to make it through this, I’ll need you to listen to me.”

“But you’re sick. At least let me give you something.” The doctor entreated. I shook my head, denying him. If I kept a bubble around me, the black specks wouldn’t be able to hop to another host. “Major.”

“No, I just need a bit of a rest.” I denied sharply. “No one is to go beyond the airlocks. If I find out that anyone has breached protocol, I will kill you.”

“Major Thomson. That was uncalled for.” More shouting, more anger. I didn’t care. I needed them to stay angry or scared.

“It’s true. Johnson and Anna are dead because of these teeny black specks. They are fucking dangerous. And I have to do this.” I stepped out of the cafeteria and used my rank to lock everyone in. No one other than possibly the doctor could dismantle the lock.

I stumbled down the hallway and once I was out of view of the windows, I fell to the ground, throwing up what little I had left in my stomach.

The colourful miasma in my head took over briefly and I was subjected to a multitude of tiny stings of pain and invasion of my most private self. They investigated everything.

I was tired, sad, and determined. Forcing them back to their small bubble in my optic nerve, I gained control of my body and stood up. The motion made my nausea flare but I didn’t have anything to throw up so I could only gag.

Somehow I had to find the utility room. I needed to set my plan in motion. This colony had to be destroyed.

As I made my way to the utilities, I engaged every airlock between me and the cafeteria. I knew that people wouldn’t listen and they’d be breaking down the doors as soon as I was out of sight. They would do what it took to survive. I didn’t begrudge them. If I was listening to myself, I’d be pissed and determined to get out.

My strength lagged at times and certainly I wanted to just let the specks win but Davis kept me going. I couldn’t let them hurt the man I adored. He was everything to me and I wouldn’t let them do to him what they did to me.

“Leo?” I twitched at the sound of my name. It was a lie, something the specks made up to get me to listen to them, to follow their agenda. “Leonard.”

“You are a lie. A figment sent by the specks to stop me from doing this.” I said with utter finality. I stared at the utility door with its ‘Authorized Personnel’ only sign on it. Only the maintenance staff and the command could access it.

“Leonard.” His tone stopped me. I swallowed and refused to face him. “Leonard. Tell me the truth. You know it’s me. You knew what happened when you locked the doors.”

I nodded and dropped my head against the door. My locks were never keyed against Davis. He was my other half, my better soul. He’d follow me to the ends of the earth. “I’m scared, Davy.”

“Well, I can totally see that. But a problem shared is a problem halved, remember?” He reminded me gently. I grappled around behind me and he curled himself around my back. He gave me the hug I needed. He kissed the back of my head. “What do you need?”

“I need you to block my eye. The left one.” I said quietly. I wasn’t going to face him as long as the mass was lodged in that eye. He hissed and I felt the air move behind me. A long piece of cloth was draped over my head and wrapped carefully, blocking my vision of the one eye.

The resulting angry buzzing had me falling to my knees. I gasped at the immediate response from the creatures. Bright colours flashed and the images they invoked in my head were disturbing as they threatened me with decay.

“Leo?” Davis squeaked. I closed my eyes as he held my face in his hands. “What’s going on? I need you to tell me.”

“I can’t say the words, baby. I can’t let them hear.” I muttered. The throbbing increased and I whimpered.

“Use our words. Remember when we did that in grad school?” Davis said quietly. He lifted my chin and kissed me softly before letting go. He situated me in front of the door and he sat beside me. He held my hand loosely with one hand and began tracing forms in my palm.

Our secret language came back to me and I quickly sketched out what the idea was. His gasp was the only sound in an otherwise silent corridor. He never said anything out loud but his fierce grip on my hand told me everything.

“I love you, Leonard Thomson. And I’m in it til the end.” He helped me to a standing position.

I opened the door to the utility room. We entered it and slammed the door shut. It groaned and swelled as we forced it close. I entered my key lock and Davis entered his. It would be doubly hard now for anyone to break in.

Everything that ran the small colony was in this room. If it wasn’t computer based, it was here. The nuclear generator to run the power and communications array, the boiler to heat our living quarters. The water supply system. The colony’s whole life was in my hands now.

I only had to turn one thing off and everyone would die. I didn’t want them to just die. I needed the whole colony to be decimated so the specks couldn’t do their thing. It was awful of me. I imagined the small children with their futures before them and wanted to weep.

“Leo? What do you want to do?” Davis asked me as he stood beside me. He blinked at me and I shook my head.

“You stay here. I want to check something out in the back,” I suggested. I wandered past the boiler, past the water and stared at the locked out nuclear generator. This had to be my weapon of choice. I hated that I was going to destroy a possible ecosystem for the sake of my people.

“Leo, I don’t want to be alone though.” Davis begged sweetly. I bit my lip and kept my resolve.

“It’s too narrow and dangerous. It’ll take me two seconds and I’ll be right back.” I responded. I stared at the keypad and took a deep breath.

Once I jacked up the power, overloading the system, I backed away and did the same to the boiler. We only had a few short minutes before both systems would run at a higher output than normal.

And because I wasn’t familiar with either systems, there was no way the specks would be able to control me long enough to fix it.

I made my way back to Davis who was standing there, biting his thumbnail. My love for him was a physical thing and I strode over, and hugged him close to me.

His gasp of surprise was sweet, and unexpected. I gazed into his eyes one last time as the alarms began sounding.

“Leo? What’s happening?” He asked as I took his hand in mine. I wrapped my other hand around his waist and began dancing with him. It would be our last dance together and I wanted it to be perfect. “Leonard, explain.”

“I want to dance with my husband one time.” I whispered. I smiled at his handsome face. I traced my finger along the faint scar. He had picked up a terrified cat who reacted terribly to his faux pas. It was his one and only battle wound.

“Shouldn’t we get to safety?” He asked as he glanced toward the steel door.

“Nah, this time is for you and me.”

It was at this time that the mass of black specks realized that nothing was going on according to their plan. They attacked my nervous system with impunity. I fought hard to remain on my feet to dance with my husband. This was how I was going out.

“Leo, we can’t allow this.” His voice changed and blurred becoming something harsher and dissonant. “You and your mate must survive. They sent a retrieval ship. They’re coming to save you.”

I smiled at Leo, at his wide smile and kind kind eyes. I leaned forward, ignoring the wrong voice coming from him, ignoring the cycling alarm system warning me of an overload imminent.

When the end came, it happened as I wanted it. I was able to stare into Davis’s eyes as the boiler exploded first. The heat was shockingly painful but it was worth it as the black specks withdrew from me in an attempt to hide away from the explosion.

When the generator went, I was kissing Davis for the last time. The taste of him was on my mouth as we died. I never wanted to die without Davis beside me and I was happy he ignored my orders and followed me.

I felt terrible that the specks took him over at the end there. I suspected they would. I wasn’t conforming to their suggestions. I didn’t do anything they wanted me too.

But when they were in my head for the first time, back near the command centre, I saw the future. I saw what they did to this planet and what they did to all the other planets they colonized. They destroyed the resources. They were worse than locusts. They ate and ate until there was nothing left but sand and dirt.

Even though Earth was falling apart, it was still home and it didn’t deserve another parasite on it. One was bad enough. We, at least, were trying to rectify what we had done.

I was tired. I was sad but Davis was here with me and that was the important part.

The airlock behind me opened with a whoosh and I fell backwards and only managed to get the bottom half inside before it slammed shut. I swore viciously and immediately thanked god for keeping me away. “Leo?” Davis’s voice was hesitant in my ear.

“Yeah, baby?“I need you here at the cafeteria.” he whispered. I sat up and glanced toward the airlock door where the creature stared back at me. The lack of features was terrifying but Davis’s fearful tone made me more anxious to get back to him. I made my way to a standing position and watched as the black mass pressed itself hard against the airlock’s small window. I could faintly hear a throbbing pulsating noise.

Blowing out some air, my helmet fogged up briefly. I missed the specks gathering near the bottom of the airlock window. Something caught my eye and they all flattened themselves against the glass. Suspicious, I stepped through the next door and hit the button to change the atmospheric pressure between the two zones. It was unnecessary and possibly dangerous but it soothed that part of my mind that worried. Something in my head twigged at the specks sudden compliance to my actions. Once in the pressurised zone, I took off my helmet and took in the fresh air. It was heavenly as I sucked it back. This was the calm and the respite before danger came again. I didn’t quite trust those little demon’s specks. “Leo, now please.” Davis’s irritated call beckoned me and I slipped the damp helmet back on, wincing at the closed off feeling. It locked in place and I was ready to confront whatever pissed off Leo. I should have been less cocky. I never should have underestimated these little shits. I stood in the widened area between the command centre where Johnson was and the hallway that led to the cafeteria and Davis.

There was nothing there. It was empty of everything. I saw nothing that connected me to the hallway. I didn’t know how to explain or describe the visual before me. It was inexplicably vast. “Leo? Where are you?” Davis whispered. I gasped as the sound of his voice startled me out of my stupor.“I’m standing in the lobby area, gaping at this… this thing that’s preventing me from getting to you.” I said as I darted my eyes around looking for any possible loopholes that would get me past the nothing and closer to Davis.“It pulsates on our side. We’ve tried lowering the blinds because the sight bothers the children. What do we do? Have you found Johnson or Anna?” Davis asked a little hopelessly. I didn’t want to say no. His giving up meant terrible things. He was the one who always bolstered the crowd. He kept them going in the face of danger and uncertainty. “I’m still looking. I thought I saw Anna but you called me. I’m pretty sure she’s safe. We have to keep the faith, Davis. Okay?” I said earnestly. “I love you, right? And I will be there for you.” “Gotta get some food going. Can’t keep the people waiting. I’m making tacos.” he returned. My mouth salivated at the idea of tacos. I smiled, knowing it was his way of telling me he loved me. It was his most hated meal but he’d make it for me because.

“My favourite.” I blinked back the tears and held on to hope. I turned off my speaker and went to the farside of the nothing where Johnson was supposed to be. The doorway to my work area was half accessible and half consumed by the nothing.

Was it the specks that created the nothing? It confused me because they were a black ball when I saw them outside. They were dense. They had matter. I didn’t understand anything and it was frustrating. Growling, pissed off and willing to take any chances because people were counting on me, I stepped through the doorway to Johnson and felt half my body evaporate. Stumbling, I fell into the command centre and immediately patted myself down to make sure I was all there.

I was fine, however Johnson was not. He was half a man reaching toward help and didn’t receive it. His body was sliced cleanly with very little blood in evidence. Whatever killed him managed to cauterise the slice in one swift motion. I knelt beside him and closed his shocked eyes. He didn’t need to see this for all eternity. “Davis?” I broke my silence.“Leo? What’s going on? The men are getting testy. I don’t think I can keep them calm for long.” Davis said with special emphasis. I knew who he was talking about. They made me irritated as much as they did Davis.

“I’m in the command centre. The computers are working but Johnson…” I trailed off, not wanting to upset my already nervous partner. “Anyway, once, I send out the message, I’ll find my way to you. Keep everyone calm and fed. Remember to leave me some food. I’ll need it.”

“Please don’t do anything stupid.”

“What? Me? I am incapable of stupidity!” I sputtered. I turned off the comms and turned around to gaze at the half of Johnson that still remained. I hoped that the words would keep Davis from worrying. The mass writhed and sputtered in front of me and I frowned as I tried to figure out what my next step had to be.

Calling for help. I sat down at Johnson’s spot and stared grimly at his station. He had it set up so differently from what I was used to. Finding the communications system was a challenge and the buzzing noise behind was starting to become deafening. I pressed my lips together tightly and shook my shoulders. No teeny black speck was going to shake my resolve. I picked up the headset and placed it over my ears. I was immediately surrounded by a peaceful silence. It was heavenly on one and made me nervous on the other. “This is Mars Colony calling Mission Control. Please respond.”

I released the button and faced the bulging mass. Was it my imagination or did it get bigger?

“This is Mission Control to Mars Colony. What is your status?”

“This is Major Leonard Thomson and I’d like to report a breach or foothold. There is a massive alien entity taking over the colony. Two members of my team have been killed by said creature. Sending specs down now.” I found what information Johnson had collected and transferred it to Mission Control. “Requesting evacuation of all colonists to the shuttle ASAP. Over.”

“At this time, we do not have the capability to return to the colony. Can you remain safe in another section from the unknown alien?” I jolted at the response from mission control. They couldn’t return? We had to protect ourselves from this creature?

“Please reconsider transport, if only for the younger members of the colony. Or send supplies. Something. Please.” I urged. It was my last chance and only hope. I wasn’t sure if anyone would answer. “I’m sorry, Major. Your mission was a one way trip. We don’t have the quantities of fuel needed to return. You must resolve this on your own. I am sorry.”

“Can you give us any guidance on how to remove the creature from the colony?” I asked as I dropped my head into my hand. I needed there to be a solution. I couldn’t go back to the cafeteria and let my friends know we had very little hope.

“The team here is working on solutions. Major, we will do what we can. Keep your eyes on the sky,” was the response. I gave the computer the finger, even though I knew no one would be able to see it.

Wheeling around, I eyed the mass and spoke to it. “So hey, if we ruined your home, we’re sorry. We thought we’d done a good enough sweep to make sure there was no life around here. I am in the midst of contacting my people to see if we can move our home away from yours. We want to live on this planet with you in harmony. Please don’t hurt us. We didn’t mean to do anything.”

The mass pulsated rapidly, cycling through a myriad of colours. It caught my eyes and refused to let go. I had to force my eyes shut in order to see. I kept my eyes shut for a minute, hoping the sun blot sensation would be gone and I’d be able to see again. Carefully, I blinked and the mass was there in my space, mere centimetres from my nose. I slid sideways from my chair and darted to the exit, whispering an apology to Jonhson as I passed. The droning noise followed me as I walked quickly toward the cafeteria and another set of airlocks these creatures had shown me they couldn’t get passed. Once safely behind the newly pressurized area, I sighed and slid down the door. I pressed the palm of my hand against my eyes, trying to relieve some of the pain from gazing into the mass’s form. The spots never disappeared. If anything, they became worse the more I tried to blink them away. “Leo? Oh God, it’s you.” I opened my eyes wide to see Davis falling to his knees and gathering me into his arms. “Oh honey. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Hi,” was my most ingenious response. We held each other close, just basking in our touch. I revelled in his hug, knowing how close I was to losing him possibly. I wanted the moment to be happy and joyful, even though in the back of my head, I was going to douse his hopes by letting him know what Mission Control said. “How’re things?”

He pulled back to give me the eye. “Goddamnit Leo. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Why would you ask that? Things are shitty and likely to get worse if you’re going to tell me the Calvary aren’t coming.”

“Can you get everyone to go to the cafeteria? I don’t want to repeat this more than once.” I said tiredly. I rubbed at my eye, trying to clear it of a film forming.

“Yeah, I saved some food for you. It’s in the fridge with your name on it.” Davis loped off and I stripped off the spacesuit, tired of its bulkiness. I stared at the helmet, my hands clutching it spasmodically. Should I keep this?

“Major? What’s going on? Mr Davis said you wanted to meet everyone in the cafeteria?” Jenna Green, one of the colony botanists, stood in the door, wringing her hands.

“I’ll tell you once we’re all together. I can’t do it more than that.” I denied her and went to the big kitchen, seeking out the food Davis said was there. My head throbbed menacingly and I fell to the ground at the sudden pressure. I took some shallow breaths and counted to ten, hoping it would just go away. I didn’t need this. Not now.

Opening my eyes gingerly, my vision changed a lot. Nothing was the same. I saw colours that don’t exist in our limited scope. Lines connecting every living thing drew me. But the worst was the black specks that decorated most of the surfaces in what I had assumed was safe.

The colours flashed and pulsed as though telling me something important. But me being a silly primitive human, could not understand a single message. “I don’t know what you want from me!” I mouthed angrily.

The flashes increased and I fell to my side at the onslaught. Images coalesced together forming a story. They wanted to bond with us. They thought we were unique and they wanted more from us. I was barely the tip of the iceberg.

“Fuck you. Fuck you all. You aren’t getting it.” I swore. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. But they weren’t going to be attaching themselves to my people. And if people from the Station finally pulled through and sent us help or supplies, they weren’t going to get infected either.

I was going to have to…

None of us breathed as we listened intently to her. A slam of an airlock door. A gasp of relief. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m in the kitchen wing. Two airlock doors are between us. It can’t get through. Johnson?”

“As far as I can tell, they’ve hit the door and can’t seem to get passed it.Something about it is making them stumble.” Johnson said. I peered over his shoulder and looked at the screen.

The mass of black specks were gathering en masse into one large ugly thing, making deeply curious and also scared.

“Anna’s safe. I think.” Johnson assured me. He pulled up the screen with all of our life signs blinking steadily. We could see Anna’s, still there, still moving.

“I think someone from security needs to go investigate how much damage these things can do and see how long the door can resist.” I suggested. Davis’s quick intake of air told me he wasn’t quite on board with that plan. “”Good point. I’ll stay here, monitor the comms. Davis, you go and discreetly tell the adults and Leo, you do your thing.” Johnson spoke with authority and I was ready to get things done. Davis, though, was hesitant.

“Leo, I don’t want you going there. It’s too dangerous. Who knows what will happen.” Davis grabbed my hand and refused to let go. “You saw what they were doing!” “Hun, Davis, this is my job. I have to– no, I need to make sure my people are safe. It would kill me to know I had a chance to save people and failed.” I brought our hands up and kissed the back of his. “Johnson will be in direct communication with me the whole time.”

“But.”

“I’ve just making sure Anna’s okay and the barrier is secure. And then I’ll be right back.” I assured him. He bit his lip and nodded. I gazed at him, hoping my love for him would shine through and give him hope. I was a capable man who didn’t do stupid things.

“Goddammit, Leo.” Davis shook his head before pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t deal with this.”

Johnson gave me a sympathetic shrug and passed me a small ear bud. “Once you give me the okay, I’m going to suck all the air out and maybe disorient them so they leave us and find somewhere else to harass.”

I nodded as though I agreed with him but I wasn’t too sure about these things actually losing interest.

I went over to Davis who was doing his level best to ignore me. HIs colour was high and he kept taking quick glances at me. I slid a hand down his arm to lace our hands together while he stood utterly still. “Davis, hon.”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” He muttered. I pulled him gently out of the room and to a small alcove thing just outside. Johnson didn’t need to be a part of our drama any more.

“Davis,” I brought up his hand for me to kiss and he didn’t say anything. “I will be perfectly safe this whole time. Johnson will be in my ear, telling me everything that’s going on. If those things start reacting or doing anything strange, he will let me know.”

My reassurances felt repetitive but I had to get to Davis to hear me. This was my job, my calling. Shaking my head, I kissed his cheek and walked away. It destroyed me, leaving him behind. He was my light and my love.

Getting into the suit alone was definitely not something I would do again. It’s clinging fabric and all of its mechanical add ons made it not fun.

Slipping on the helmet, I patted it once and turned on the microphone. “Okay, Johnson. I’m ready to do my thing.”

“Okay, so obviously, you’re going to go to the service corridor where Anna was. Everything should be okay there but that’s where the locked airlocks are. I want you to confirm everything there where it’s supposed to be. There’s no rust, no dents, nothing for the specks to eat.“ Johnson commanded. I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“Copy.”

The hallway had already begun to have that abandoned feel to it. It was dark and lonely. There was no sense of life or activity. We hadn’t been able to do that yet.

A dull buzz permeated the air and it set my senses afire. My skin broke out in chills. I straightened up and proceeded more cautiously down the hall.

“What do you see, Leo?” Johnson asked. I swivelled my head and took stock of the situation.

“It’s not that there’s anything odd that’s visible. It’s an impression,” I said. I kept my guard up and moved down the hall. The throbbing noise was constant now. It moved and pulsed in a set rhythm. It was hypnotic. I was being drawn to the source.

“Be careful then.” Johnson clicked off and I was alone with a multitude of tiny specks. Carefully, I peered out any of the windows I could to see what was going on on the outside of the shell.

We had only been on the planet for maybe a day and the windows were covered in a dusty grimy film. I could barely see the mountain range protecting us from the majority of the dust storms.

As I peered out the window, trying to discern anything of importance, a mass of black crashed into the window, shattering the thick glass. I reared back. The loud thud scared the crap out of me.

Sneering I gave the mass my finger. The glass was thick and most impenetrable..

“We might be able to survive. They tried to break through the glass and couldn’t.” I said to Johnson. I continued on down the hallway, occasionally glancing to my right. The specks were right there with me. It was unnerving.

“Leo, Anna hasn’t reported in. I can’t locate her tracking beacon either. Can you do a search for me?” Johnson asked pensively. I bit my lip. This was worrisome.

“Where was her last location?” I asked, reversing course.A distant buzz filled my ears, distracting me from my task. I shook my head in an attempt to clear it.

It came back, louder than before. Huffing, I continued backtracking to where Anna was last seen.“Okay, JOhnson, I’m entering the school area now. Can you give me more information?”

A garbled noise was all I received. “Johnson?”

I waited impatiently for him to respond. Swearing viciously, and hating what I was about to do. I closed my eyes and opened up a channel. “Davis?”

“Leo?”

“Are you okay?” I whispered as I peered into everyempty room , searching for Anna. My irritation was fast disappearing as my fear grew. There was no signs of life here in the education area. I didn’t see a chair out of place or evidence that Anna had been here.

“YEah?” Davis’s voice wavered and my longing for him threatened to swamp me. I needed him beside me now. I needed to protect him from whatever was out there.

“Can you gather everyone into the cafeteria and barricade the doors from everything?” I asked hopelessly.This was the absolute worst thing I had to do.

“Leo? What are you doing?” His voice that gave me so much joy cracked. I pressed my lips together and blinked away the tears. “Leo, don’t do this.”

“I have to, my love.” I took a shuddering breath. My resolve was fierce in its need to keep everyone safe. If I had to… no, I couldn’t think like that. “I’ll be there with you soon enough.”

“Dammit, Leonard. Don’t you dare do stupid things.” Davis chastised me. I was tempted to turn him off but even when he was frustrated with me, he made me happy.

I tightened all the latches and zippers on my suit, praying that this would give me a chance to survive the coming danger. As long as those tiny whatever they were focused on me, I knew that Davis would be alright. He had to be alright.

I shone my light down the hallway. I needed to find some evidence of Anna. I wanted to prove that she was smart enough to get away from the danger. I had to believe that.

My heart dropped when I discovered a boot in the middle of an empty hall. I approached it carefully. Was it Anna? Was she okay? Please tell me she only tripped.

The body was sprawled on their front, their arms above their head as though reaching for something. I followed the body line and lifted my eyes to see the haunting emptiness of black as night eyes gazing at me with quizzical wonder. I scrambled backwards and they lurched forward. I couldn’t get to my feet as the ground was slippery and I had no traction. The body reached toward me beseeching me and I shook my head, denying it anything.

I looked over the dry and dusty surface of the barren planet and wondered why this was a good idea. There was nothing from where I stood to the farthest distance possible. It was sand dune and rock formations. And yet we were told this was where our colony would be. The ridge was a perfect buffer from the fierce Martian winds and someone did strike water here once before. I would need to look at the history texts to see when because honestly, I didn’t think it was in recent memory. My partner, Davis, was going to be the head cook of this small establishment. He had the small seedlings prepped for growing in a hydroponic environment. Another member of our team was going to be farming, starting with chickens and small sheep. Again, my cynicism rose to the surface. Sheep needed grass to graze on if they were going to survive. Davis, though, had a plan. He and his earth based collaborator had been doing experiments for years before this colony had been announced. He knew a lot about grasses and the turf on Mars. It could be done! The rest of the colony were scientists and their families. They made up the other fifteen apartments. The company that sponsored this colony had watched multiple movies and documentaries about how too few people in a space like this caused so many mental health issues. They wanted this place to succeed. They wanted people to thrive on Mars. So they made sure the population was diverse and happy. So that leads me to this point. I was the de facto leader, the company’s representative. I was the one who brought issues to the bosses or offered solutions. I had to be the worst decision they had ever made. I wasn’t leadership material. I hated doing group activities and I encouraged people to do things that could get them hurt or even killed. Davis thought it was funny but then he also thought they made the right decision. Whenever problems arose as some of them had while we were soaring through the stars, I made the colonists talk it out. I parroted their comments or paraphrased them to death. And it worked!

I looked at the computer generated map on my small tablet and back at the windblown scenery. It looked like a match. With my trusty staff, I slammed the marker into the ground hard like I was supposed to and watched as the radio tower emerged from the slim metal pole. It was awesome and I couldn’t believe I could be here to see it. After that, the colony went up in short order. Everyone knew their duties and performed them well. I was sure it was because Davis promised them a proper home cooked meal with all the fixings. I knew I was looking forward to it. The first night we celebrated. Everyone was excited from the eldest man to the youngest baby. We had good food, good alcohol and Mars was going to be amazing. The energy in the air told me so. And then we went to sleep.

The first alarm went off and I almost ignored it. But everything was too new and I was tossing and turning anyway, thinking of everything that might go wrong. So I wasn’t surprised at all that something happened.

I mumbled into the communication device I was on my way to security when the second perimeter alarm went off.

Slamming my ass down in an empty chair, I pulled up all the surveillance videos. I scowled and growled until one of my teammates shoved a travel mug into my hand. “Drink that until you’re fully awake.” The deputy leader ordered. He stole the joystick from me and did a scan of the area himself. I gazed at the screens while sipping. Slowly the rest of the security team stumbled in. They all looked tired and shell shocked as I did. Coffee was passed around and slowly people perked up. The deputy was still scanning the perimeter, his brow furrowed as he slowly did another pass of one area. I leaned close to the monitor, seeing something odd. The deputy nodded and zoomed in. “What is that?” I asked, getting data from the rover updated to my tablet. I tapped a few buttons to see the composite materials but the tablet hit a dead end. It wasn’t anything we had ever recorded before.

“What’s what?” Johnson stole my data and began writing notes. His expression became gloomier as he continued to read them.

“Share with the class, Johnson. We don’t have time for you to parse through all the data points. If you don’t have enough, share the highlights. We just need a place to start.”

“I’m working on that right now, Leo. I need a little bit more time to understand.”

“Well hurry up.” I snapped as I watched the weird material go through our perimeter fence with ease. Was it alive?

“Someone with better eyes, tell me what I’m seeing. Not the actual details, Johnson but the picture as a whole.” I leaned back in my chair, hoping that would help me understand what was going on. But the dots looked like pixels on the screen and I wasn’t seeing all of the pictures.

“It looks like the umm, the dots are eating through the vulcanized material. They’re destroying the integrity of the domes. If they get through…” one of the scientists hesitated and I shivered.

“Okay, okay. Let me think. Is it just that tunnel and where does it lead?” I asked bringing up a schematic of the whole complex. It had two main hubs, one where we were, and another where we had the recreation area. The residential spaces were interspersed between the two main ones.

“It leads to the classroom. It has an access point to the rec centre.” Anna piped up. “If we shut the airlock between the rec centre and the classroom, it should slow them down while we get more information.”

“Okay, go do it. Take someone with you.” I ordered. Anna nodded and ran off quickly.

I continued to watch the creatures, trying to understand what they were and it didn’t make sense. They continued to gnaw on the tarp, slowly breaking through. “What if we electrified the wall? Will that stop them from moving forward?”

“We can try. MOre and more of these creatures are coming from afield. Why didn’t any of the probes pick up on these? They can’t have just appeared.” Johnson rubbed a hand up and down his face. The data sets aren’t making sense.”

“Leo, we’ve locked up the classroom and we’ve woken everyone up. Davis is making some food for us.” Anna’s voice crackled in and out on her radio. I furrowed my brow. The radios were all connected via the fibre. She shouldn’t have been cutting.

“Anna, you’re breaking up. Say again?” I asked. I changed the surveillance camera to source out the problem and found nothing. “Johnson, something’s wrong with the internal microphones.”

“I’m working on it. The little shits are chewing through the wires. Every time I get a handle on these creatures, something in them changes. I don’t get it and it’s starting to piss me off.” Johnson bit out. Someone still left in the room handed him a pastry. He savagely bit into the soft treat. “Leo, what’s your take? Have you figured anything out yet?” “No, I’ve looked in the records and the databases but nothing’s coming up. Rover is coming up useless. He keeps sending me ‘compound not found’ reports. I need to go out there and see for myself.” I slid out from my chair and stopped dead as I locked eyes with Davis carrying a tray of snacks. “What do you mean? You can’t go out there,” Davis said, blinking. He set the tray down and crossed his arms. A determined look settled on his face and I did nothing. He was my love, my person of sound mind. “I have to, darling. In order to make sure everyone is safe, someone has to see in person what these things are. Since I’m the one who has no… no.. uhh,” I bit my lip as Davis’s expression darkened with every word I uttered. “Davis, it’ll be fine. Just a quick five minute in and out. Everything will be hunky-dory.”

“Leonard, it takes twenty minutes to put on the damn suit. It’s going to take you more than five minutes. Let someone else more experienced do this. Let Rover bear the brunt of the problem. You stay here. You’re a computer person.” Davis came forward and held my hands tight in his. “Please, don’t do this.” I wavered and looked around at the room. The only people left were studiously gazing at something else. “Davis, I know what to look for. No one else understands the composition like I do.” “They are eating through our home, our brand new supposedly safe from everything home. I can’t let you just go out there,” Davis argued back. I brought our hands up and kissed the back of his. He shook his head sadly. “It’s too dangerous, Leo. What if something goes wrong?” “Johnson will back me up here and Anna will be with me in the airlock.” I decided on the spot. I cast a quick glance toward Johnson who was staring at the ceiling, ignoring everything I said. “Leonard,” Davis sighed. I rolled my shoulders and looked down at my feet. Making Davis feel terrible wasn’t my goal nor my intentions. I loved him and wanted him to be happy. I made him give up his cushy life on earth for this adventure. And on day one, things weren’t that good. “Leo! Come in Leo. We have a bit of a problem.” Anna’s voice echoed in the quiet room. Davis and I turned and looked at the surveillance feed. Anna stood with a respirator down a dark hallway. “What’s going on, Anna?” I asked hesitantly. I didn’t want to know the answer. Johnson tapped in the background, changing the feed to what Anna was looking at. A black form roughly the shape of a human stood backlit far from her. A quiet hiss echoed as we all reacted to the sight. “Exactly. The black things took a human shape. They’re…uhh. It’s not a good scene, boss. I’ve locked down the classroom. We’ve bolstered the walls between us and them as a just in case measure, Steel shelves, you know anything that’s tough. Should we let the others know?” I looked at Johnson who stared back at me. We both shrugged. We didn’t have a policy for these matters. Nothing like this was supposed to happen. “Is there anyone awake? IS the umm, creature near any sleeping quarters?” I asked unsure. Was now the time to contact Control? What were we supposed to do?

“No one was awake when I got up,” Davis answered as he moved to sit down. He bit his lip as he glanced around. “If it was just adults, maybe I’d suggest we wake them up. But we’ve got kids here. I don’t want to scare them if we don’t have to.” “That makes sense. Johnson?” “I agree with Davis.” was Johnson’s quick reply. “Anna, if you can get out of that area. I think we can vent out all the atmosphere and freeze the bastards?”

“Sure, let me look at the manifest. I think there was one person staying down here. They claimed they were a loud snorer and didn’t want to disrupt anyone–”

“Anna! Move!” Johnson cried out suddenly. The black shape moved abruptly, disappearing the gloom before reappearing again behind her. Anna turned her head slowly, her eyes growing huge as the form loomed. The camera turned off and all we had was the rough gasp of Anna breathing.

HI friends. I just wanted to let you know that Wraiths Adore Gods (aka Bakers Fancy Druids) is now with my alpha reader. I have let her know that chapters are merely concepts and need no really numbers. Buts are to eliminated as much as possible. I tried to do it myself but … I got tired. :D Wraiths is the second book of the Monsters in Love series and focuses on Trey and Adam. This book really veered away from my set plan and it ended up completely different. Which is okay, I guess.

Adam ends up being a god of sorts and Trey is like a vampire wraith or something. He’s not a true vampire but he does need otherworldly sustenance. My newest WIP for at home is the next book in the StarStation series. We are featuring the dear darling Damon and his adventures on a planet. I’ve been working on his story in my head for a while and I’m pretty excited about it.

I don’t know what my night story will be . But I’m hoping for something fantasy ish. I need to deep dive into writers prompts and see what attracts my attention. I also have an idea for a blog serial if that’s your jam. I got really annoyed with supply chain issues and this idea popped up.

Hey everyone! I just thought I'd update you all. I decided to put all the StarStation books wide after they've been in KU for 6 months. This way, people can borrow through Kindle and afterwards be at all retailers, including libraries. Most of you might not know that my day job is as a public librarian. Access to all books is part of my being and being exclusive to Amazon hurts my public service heart. In Canada, you cannot use your kindle device to borrow books from your public library. Amazon refused to work with Canadian libraries to provide access. So, this is my way of serving everyone. Sure, it might not be the best but. we'll see. thank you for being part of my journey! In other news, I finished my reader magnet and Bakers (aka Wraiths Adore Gods). They are being prepped to go to their word doctor this weekend.