Robin LaVonne Hunt's Blog

“My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth.” Psalm 121:2

Preview: This blog covers

Who Can Foster?

What Are the Requirements?

Is Fostering and Adopting through Foster Care Expensive?

Do I Get a Say in Which Kids Come into My Home? I Don’t Think I Could Take a Special Needs Child.

Some Questions I Have Asked Caseworkers When They Call to Ask Me to Take a Child

Try Out Fostering by Doing Respite Care

I Want to Foster and Adopt, but I Couldn’t Survive Falling in Love with a Child and Then Having Them Taken Away from Me!

Adopting a Foster Child

I Don’t Know if I Could Be a Foster Parent

Who Can Foster?

Children need loving adults. You can be single, married, a grandparent, or someone who has always wanted to be a parent someday.

What Are the Requirements?

While these are generally universal guidelines, each state may have slightly different guidelines. 

• You must be twenty-one years old or older.

• You must pass a criminal background check. If you had minor offenses with the law years ago, you can be eligible for fostering if you were not convicted of a felony.

• You must have a regular source of income to support your monthly expenses.

• Your home must pass a safety inspection. Exceptions for some issues in the house can be granted if needed. You do not have to own a home to foster, and children do not have to have their own room. I know someone in a studio apartment who fosters.

• You will need to be licensed through the state you live in, which usually requires taking free training classes.

• Your foster care license is suitable for the home you have inspected. If you move to a new home, you will need another inspection and a new permit issued.

Is Fostering and Adopting through Foster Care Expensive?

Dental and medical expenses are paid for through Medicaid. If parents work full-time, the state will provide a stipend that covers childcare costs. If children are brought to your home without clothing, there is often a voucher you can get from the child’s caseworker for apparel.

Some stores offer discounts to foster children. In our state, foster parents can get a clothing voucher for up to $350 and a FosterWear card from their caseworker that offers a ten to fifteen percent discount on clothes at some local stores.

Once you get going with foster care, the modest stipend covers the children’s needs, but honestly, kennels receive more money for a boarded dog each day than foster parents get paid to meet the needs of children dealing with trauma. If I were doing it for money, I would get paid more for opening a daycare in my home, the children would have easier behaviors, and they would go home at night. We foster because we want to help children. Adopting through foster care is usually free. All expenses were paid through the state when we adopted our daughter.

Do I Get a Say in Which Kids Come into My Home? I Don’t Think I Could Take a Special Needs Child.

As a foster parent, you get to state any preferences you have regarding the age, gender, and needs of children you accept into your home.

Our license states that we are licensed for three children from five to eighteen years old, and our preference is five- to ten-year-olds. Some children are considered “special needs” in foster care because they can be harder to place, not because they have special physical or emotional needs. Teenagers, minorities, or sibling groups can be considered special needs in some places or circumstances. We need parents who are willing to take sibling groups so that children do not need to be separated from their siblings at an already traumatic time.

When a worker calls from Social Services, they will ask if you have any openings or if you are taking placements right now.

When they say, “I’m looking for a placement today. Do you have any openings?” I often ask, “How old are they?” Then, if the age and gender fit with the sleeping arrangements we have and our family lifestyle, I say, “Tell me a little bit about the situation.”

It is okay to say no. We do not take babies now that our kids are older, and I am no longer a stay-at-home mom, but workers will call and ask anyway when they see we have an opening. It is essential to welcome children you feel good about and who fit into your family, lifestyle, and tolerance level. You should ask as many questions as you can think of if you are interested in having the child come live with you. You have a choice, and everyone wants the placement to be successful.

Some Questions I Have Asked Caseworkers

• What do you know about the child or children?

• Were they just taken into custody?

• Do the children know why they were removed?

• Have they been in foster care before? How many homes? How long?

• Why didn’t the previous foster home(s) work?

• Do they have any other siblings?

• Does it look like this will be a long-term placement?

• Where does the child go to school? (You have to get them to the school they are currently attending.)

• Do the children have regular appointments such as therapy, counseling, or speech you will be expected to take them to?

• Do you know some things they like?

• When are you hoping to move them?

• Do they have any negative behaviors?

• Are they on any medications? Why are they being taken?

• Do they have an IEP (Individualized Education Program) in school? (This special education plan shows you how to help a child in school and at home since supports and strategies will be listed in the plan.)

Try Out Fostering by Doing Respite Care

You can do respite care if you want to explore foster parenting without initially committing to fostering a child. This is an excellent way to make a difference by supporting full-time foster parents who need a break or have an emergency. You are paid the same daily rate as foster parents. In some states, this is paid directly by the state. Other states require foster parents to take care of these payments on their own out of their monthly stipend. Stipends for foster care and respite care pay for each night a child sleeps at your house.

I don’t mind doing respite once in a while, and this is how I met some lovely children. This sounds bad, but I was surprised by how many healthy kids were in foster care. I don’t remember thinking about it beforehand. I assumed foster kids would be challenging because they were in the system due to parental substance-related abuse. I was surprised by how many were in care because their single parent neglected them due to mental illness, depression, or a low IQ. I had no interest in being a short-term emergency placement home. Children go to these homes right after being removed from a dangerous situation when there isn’t a home readily available for them.

Caseworkers then find an appropriate family member, foster home, or treatment center. Thank God he has people who are passionate about this vital role of helping children when they are initially removed from unhealthy situations and are transitioning to another placement.

For me, the idea of continually revolving change in my family sounds overwhelming and outright scary. We have taken kids upon their initial removal from their parents, though.

I Want to Foster and Adopt, but I Couldn’t Survive Falling in Love with a Child and Then Having Them Taken Away from Me!

All love is laced with pain as we work through conflict and the loss of people we love because of a severed relationship or death. This reality does not stop us from getting married or having children. When adults say, “I could never do foster care. I couldn’t let them go,” I think the idea of a child’s being abused and scared their whole life is more disturbing. It would be tragic for a child to go through childhood without being loved fully by anyone!

Are you willing to pick your way through the wreckage trauma left in a child’s life to offer them love? Dig deep and ask yourself honestly if you could be the friend or loving adult a child needs. Are you brave enough to be the one person who will show a child they are loveable? Would you be willing to model and mentor a child so they can learn healthy boundaries? If you do not find yourself in a place in life where you can foster, you can support a family who is fostering.

If fostering is not something you think you can do, but you want to adopt a foster child, look into a Foster Family Agency, and pursue a child who is already legally free for adoption. This is when parental rights have already been terminated, and no family members want to adopt the child.

Adopting a Foster Child

There is full disclosure with adoption through foster care. This means you are given access to all the records on file on the child you are adopting. This includes any medical evaluations, some information about the birth parents, and the situation surrounding your child’s removal. There will still be parts of the story that are missing, but these records are beneficial in giving you background on a child. When we adopted our daughter, we were not allowed to take anything from the file room or make copies, but we were able to sit and read the records at the Child Services Office and take any notes we needed.

I Don’t Know If I Could Be a Foster Parent

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

• You can do it.

• You are not alone.

• It will be hard.

• It is worth it.

• You can love a child.

• You will make a lasting impact on each child even if you think they are too young to remember. You can make an eternal difference.

Conclusion:

Generally, anyone over 21 can become a foster parent. Check out your state’s requirements in the link below.

Fostering and adopting through foster care is usually free.

You decide which children you welcome into your home. Ask the caseworker about the child they are wanting to place with you. Everyone wants the placement to work out.

Older kids or sibling groups can be considered “special needs” because it is harder to find a home for them.

Try out fostering by doing respite care.

If you are afraid of “losing” a child, you can adopt children whose parents’ rights have already been terminated. See the button below.

If you aren’t sure you can become a foster parent, there are other ways to help. Click the button below for ideas.

Robin LaVonne Hunt and her husband have fostered 42 children and adopted one of their four children. She wrote the book Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom to encourage parents and those interested in understanding vulnerable children. Some of Robin’s passions include teaching, learning, reading, and writing. She loves to share her story and hear how God has worked through others’ life stories. You can contact her at bebravelovewell@gmail.com.

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A Tribute to All the Fighters Additional Resources 10 Reasons to become a foster parent Your State’s Foster Care info. FAQ’s about Adoption from foster Care Children available for adoption now in your state I'm not ready to foster or Adopt, but I want to help You can help!

Please share this blog with your friends and family to help spread the word about the needs of foster children. Even if they don’t foster they might know someone who can help a foster child. Children are waiting.

“I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe.”

Habakkuk 1:5b

This Blog Covers

Fostering is harder than expected but worth it!

Foster parents were glad they didn’t know how hard it would be

Foster parents couldn’t have survived without support

They are stronger parents & know more about themselves because of fostering

Conclusion

It was harder than expected but worth it!

Even though it is harder than they expected, most parents do not regret fostering or adopting. When people found out I was writing a book about fostering, many moms shared their arduous journeys with the vulnerable children God brought into their lives. I’ve heard stories of joy and hope that came to an end when they felt they lost their beloved child to drugs or when their love was rejected.

As a mom comes to the end of sharing a difficult journey and swipes at the tears welling in her eyes, I always ask the same question. “Knowing how hard it has been if you could go back, would you still have chosen to foster (or adopt) them?” The answer from these brave mamas’ shattered hearts is a resounding yes!

One mama told me she had a foster daughter in and out of her home for over a decade. This daughter of her heart overcame countless obstacles. They shared a beautiful, fun-loving relationship, and she was like one of their own children, even though the state repeatedly returned her to her birth mom. Then this daughter tried meth, and now she is not the same person anymore. This mama mourned the loss of the beloved daughter. The enemy had stolen her. Her daughter became verbally abusive, blaming her for everything in her life. “We gave her everything we gave our other children. The last time she was here, I had to tell her not to come back,” she shared through tears.

When I asked this tender mom if she would do it over again, she jumped over my words before I could finish asking the question. “Yes! A million times, yes! She was like one of our children.”

They were Glad they didn’t know how hard it would be

I agree with the moms who said they are thankful they didn’t know how hard some parts would be or they might not have fostered. Yes, all the moms I’ve asked would do it again, even if it turned out the same.

In seasons when we come to a desolate desert of hurt and hope is as faint as water, we are suspended. We are mamas wanting to trust God’s promise that we are new every morning. Yet we don’t know what to think as our hearts race within our chests. We pray, “Lord, bless our children and bring them back to you.” But can we dare to hope that God can heal the hurt between us? We lost our innocence when repeated, and forceful breaks in trust shattered our relationships. We want to believe, hope, and love fully without hesitation.

“Because of the LORD’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22–23).

The truth is, we are more resilient and adaptable than we will ever imagine, and we will rise to the challenge—except for the days we don’t and we allow ourselves to feel defeated or we are sucked into the whirlpool of overwhelmed. Those moments are real and do happen. Maybe it’s because we are listening to the lie inside our head that we are not doing the best we can. Or that we could have done something better. We don’t know what, but something! I love the saying, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

They couldn’t have survived without support

You are not alone. Look around you and ask for support. Some people will support you emotionally by listening, praying, and helping out if you ask directly and make your needs known. “I’m so busy” or “I’m overwhelmed!” doesn’t count. These phrases have become a regular part of our culture and are far too vague.

Read the chapter “I Don’t Know if I Can Do This Alone” in Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom for practical ideas on finding support.

Once I began foster care, I started to encounter situations when I didn’t know what to do or how I should respond in urgent situations. In moments of helplessness, God met me time after time. He gave me the self-control to go into the other room. He gave me the presence of mind when things didn’t go how I planned to step back and not do anything at times.

“I’m frustrated right now. We’re all going to take a break and calm down,” I would say. I learned to be comfortable with letting a child have an angry cry, and I learned to allow myself to cry too.

They are stronger parents & know more about themselves because of fostering

When I know I am doing what God has asked me to do, I step out, knowing he will make up the difference when I come to the end of myself. That is when I see him provide and feel his presence. When I feel the weakest, he makes himself known, and my faith grows. I trust him more.

Fostering is exhausting and scary and takes all the mental, emotional, and physical strength you have some days. But it is also exhilarating, like making it to the end of a challenging race or cresting the top of a mountain where the world spreads out before you, and you can see in every direction. You can look back and see how far everyone has come. While you remember the difficulties, the valleys seem smaller from the top somehow. As you look ahead, you see the beauty and hope of the future. Like having a baby, it was painful but so worth the birth and struggle to raise that little one, with all the scrapes and kisses along the way. There is nothing like it, and you are forever changed.

Now that I have realized he can and will respond to present needs in my life, I can honestly say, “God, what did you intend me to be when you first imagined me into being? What purposes do you have for me? You have walked by me and rescued me and reassured me over and over like a parent calling to a toddler with outstretched hands, ‘You’re doing it. Keep coming. You can do it.’”

Conclusion

Foster parenting is hard, but making a difference in the life of a vulnerable child is worth the time and emotional energy.

We are more resilient, and we can do more than we think we can. Don’t believe yourself when you think it will be too hard.

Find the people who want to help support you and your family. You are not alone.

Fostering helps you understand your needs and the needs of your children.

If you have been encouraged my this blog please forward it to a friend or family member.

Be Brave & Love Well!

Robin

Robin LaVonne Hunt and her husband have fostered 42 children and adopted one of their four children. She wrote the book Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom to encourage parents and those interested in understanding vulnerable children. Some of Robin’s passions include teaching, learning, reading, and writing. She loves to share her story and hear how God has worked through others’ life stories. You can contact her at bebravelovewell@gmail.com.

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The Spiritual Reality of Accepting God’s Call

This blog covers:

Why Belonging Is Important 

Kids Belonging 

How to Make a Child Feel like They Belong

Children Finding Connection

Know When You Need to Get Support as the Caregiver

Never Doubt God's Power to Work in You

Why Belonging Is Important: 

We Want Kids to Belong and Feel like They Belong for Their Physical and Mental Health

According to Angela Theisen, L.C.S.W. with Mayo Clinic, "We cannot separate the importance of a sense of belonging from our physical and mental health. The social ties that accompany a sense of belonging are a protective factor helping manage stress and other behavioral issues. When we feel we have support and are not alone, we are more resilient, often coping more effectively with difficult times in our lives. Coping well with hardships decreases the physical and mental effects of these situations." 

Children Finding Connection

As kids have come into our home, finding a connection is one of the first things they seek after looking around to see if our house feels safe. They often will reflect your nervous system. If they feel safe, they will be able to begin connecting. Kids new to our home often reach out to touch the cat, the dog, or the baby. They are reaching for comfort and belonging. Children find a connection where it is easiest to access.

A child cannot relax and feel safe if you feel anxious as the caregiver. Children can feel it and subconsciously follow you if you are worried or fearful. Learn to take slow deep breaths and relax your body. If you don't know how to calm your body, practice, and research ways such as putting your hand on your chest and telling yourself, "I'm okay."

Kids Belonging

When our oldest daughter moved in as a foster child, she loved playing with our baby son on the floor. When big emotions overtook her as she rode the waves of grief of the loss of her family, she often reached for him. He was a safe person to touch or snuggle. As the mom in the house, I represented the subconscious connections to her tumultuous feelings toward her mom. 

Many times foster children were not allowed to express anger or frustration with their birth parent, and when kids were removed from their birth parent or parents, they suppressed many of these big feelings. Unfortunately, a foster mom often becomes the target of these powerful emotions when a child feels safe with you, or sometimes beforehand, when they aren't attached to you. 

How to Make a Child Feel like They Belong 

There are things we can do to support attachment and help kids belong.

Take time for natural expressions of touch, such as helping a younger child put lotion on their arm and legs, giving them a piggyback ride, play tag, braiding or brushing hair, or reading to a child beside you on the couch. Give a foot, hand, or back rub. Help a teen with make-up or arm wrestle for fun. Give a hug or a pat on the arm or back. Play games and go on little adventures together.

There are simple actions you can take at home to help kids' brains make connections that will ready them for belonging. Some things you can do today include getting outside more. Provide opportunities for large motor movements like jumping, climbing, swimming, walking, and running. You can do these activities as a family or by allowing your child to join organized sports. 

Supplemental support can make a huge difference too. For example, vitamin D and melatonin help regulate energy levels and increase everyone's ability to sleep. Sleep is pivotal in regulating functions, including mood. In our home, these supplements significantly decreased temper tantrums for a couple of our kids because they slept better.

Make sleep a priority. How Much Sleep Do Kids Need? 

Kidshealth.org says, While every child is different, experts recommend:

- infants (0–3 months): 14–17 hours, including naps

- infants (4–12 months: 12–16 hours, including naps

- toddlers (1–2 years): 11–14 hours, including naps

- preschool (3–5 years): 10–13 hours, including naps

- school-age (6–13 years): 9–12 hours

- teens (14–17 years): 8–10 hours

There are things we can do as adults to keep things away from our children that hinder attachment and belonging. 

Reducing sugar and artificial flavors and colors - especially RED 40! Usually, the last ingredient in most red, pink, or orange-colored foods, such as candy, jello, strawberry milk, ketchup, etc. After 19 years of teaching, I could tell when there was "pink milk" at breakfast before the kids even made it into my classroom. It is like SPEED to some kids (usually those prone to be very active).

Limit screen time.

Know When You Need to Get Support as the Caregiver

An attachment connection is possible. However, sometimes you need a lot more than love and counseling. 

I ignorantly thought that loving a child and treating them like my birth children would communicate belonging to foster children. Conversations with other foster mom's over the years echo my thoughts, "We treated (him/her/them) like our own children." Yet, somehow they still ended up rejecting our family or me.

The truth is that they came from another family. Their basic needs for food, shelter, safety, and love were met or not met in their first family, and the way they were trained to get their needs met changed how their brains functioned.

As a parent, sometimes you need help with children who have suffered severe trauma or have attachment disorders. Having fostered 42 children, I came to understand how caring for a child with attachment issues can break a parent down emotionally and physically. So I went to play therapy with some of our children and found it helpful since many could not process and verbalize their experiences. 

A Publication of the American Counseling Association, Counseling Today states, 

When young children, ages 2 to 9, are experiencing emotional and behavioral problems, the usefulness of talk therapy is limited because they often cannot communicate effectively using words. Play therapy continues to gain momentum as children communicate best through their usual way of relating — play. 

As described by Landreth in the third edition of his book Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship, child-centered play therapy adheres to the objectives of helping children become:

- More self-reliant

- More accepting of themselves

- Better problem solvers

- Better able to assume responsibility for their behaviors

It is crucial for the mental well-being of caregivers to feel safe with their children. One mom shared that she didn't feel safe as a mom. She found she couldn't have fun, relax, or "let go" because she often felt nervous and frightened. If you are struggling with calming your nervous system or don't feel safe with one of your children, get help. There are support services that can wrap around caregivers. Don't isolate yourself. There is help. Begin with talking to a counselor and finding resources and training for specific needs related to foster parents and children. 

Never Doubt God's Power to Work in You

"By constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life. Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God! Never doubt God's mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination!" Eph. 3:17-20a

Never doubt God's power to work in and through you as you love and interact with vulnerable kids.

Conclusion

We Want Kids to Belong and Feel like They Belong for Their Physical and Mental Health

How to Make a Child Feel like They Belong

Children Finding Connection

There Are Things We Can Do to Support Attachment and Help Kids Belong

Know When You Need to Get Support as the Caregiver

Never Doubt God's Power to Work in You

You can do hard things. So let me encourage you along the way. 

What questions or topics would you like me to cover about foster care? Please comment below. If you would like to receive my blog when it comes out, please sign up 

Robin LaVonne Hunt and her husband have fostered 42 children and adopted one of their four children. She wrote the book Breathing through Foster Care: A Survival Guide Based on the Reflection of a Foster Mom to encourage parents and those interested in understanding vulnerable children. Some of Robin’s passions include teaching, learning, reading, and writing. She loves to share her story and hear how God has worked through others’ life stories. You can contact her at bebravelovewell@gmail.com.

Resources:

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/is-having-a-sense-of-belonging-important#:~:text=Think%20less%20about%20yourself%20while,and%20listen%20to%20people's%20responses

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/naps.html 

https://ct.counseling.org/2014/08/inv...

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Layers of Trust

Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let your joy overflow!

Philippians 4:4-7 TPT

This blog covers

Celebrate People in Their Milestones and Everyday Interests

Celebrate Just for the Fun of It!

Celebrate Daily Life with a Note of Caution

Celebrate and Honor People through Words

Ways to Celebrate Honor and Acknowledge People

Disclaimer

Conclusion

Congratulations to the Brooks Family!

They celebrated the adoption of five siblings last week! What a FUN party!

Celebrate People in Their Milestones and Everyday Interests 

Let's celebrate! In the business of life, we don't celebrate the people we care about like we could. The hours and days on the calendar will continue to pass, but what do we remember? 

It's the baby covered in frosting on their first birthday that brings a spontaneous smile to our faces. It's the people you love most from different places and times in your life that come together to celebrate a wedding. It's the feeling of accomplishment and relief at college graduation with those who fought through the experience with you at school or from home.

Besides milestones, celebrate people by honoring their passions, interests, and gifts. For example, we go as a family to music concerts, basketball games, and ROTC competitions because that is what our kids are into right now. We invite friends to go too. On our way back from an event, we all talk about our favorite parts and share how we were impressed by their part in the performance or competition. I feel proud as their mom, and they feel loved that we all went for them.

Celebrate just for the fun of it!

I have discovered that once you get past the regular milestones, life can become overwhelming or just mundane at times. Sometimes we need some fun in our lives to brighten up the world for everyone. To continue celebrating life, we can come up with and look forward to adventures.

When I was a young mom at home with my little ones, dinner, dishes, laundry, and just being home was exhausting. I needed to look forward to something fun. So one summer, I created some events with my favorite people, my family, who lived nearby. I planned one event every couple of weeks.

We had a progressive dinner where each couple had a different part of the meal at their house, and we piled in our cars to go for appetizers at my aunt's, salads and soup at my cousins, the main dish at my house, and dessert at my parents. Some people even decorated their homes for the event.

Another time the whole extended family met up at the lake for swimming and a BBQ. I have adorable pictures of our kids having a water fight and playing in the water and sand as the sunset behind them.

Another weekend I sent out invitations to a murder mystery dinner that my cousin volunteered to host. I was surprised when everyone showed up in costume. Seeing my uncle, who was to be the football jock, show up with his abs painted on his shirt and an old football helmet makes me laugh even now! My mom, a fun but conservative farmer's wife, showed up in leather and chains with black makeup, chomping her gum and talking like a disrespectful teen! Her character was known for always being in trouble in school. My cousin couldn't stop laughing at my mom's character, which was so different from her normal personality.

I don't remember all the characters now. It was so long ago, but I remember everyone playing up their parts, making us laugh so hard that one of us peed their pants! Of course, none of us were actors, but the game gave us all the clues and prompts to blame each other for the pretend murder as the game unfolded.

Whenever my kids and foster kids anticipate seeing my parents, they always ask my mom if they can have a tea party. Everyone has to wear hats, usually silly ones, and dress up in their best little dress or whatever they have. They always have to lift their pinky and make up pretend names. There are always LOTS of tiny treats from the store that ensure the boys want to get in on the tea party. "But only if they raise their pinky and noses in the air while they talk." Nana's rules. You have to make up a name such as Sir Someone, Dutchess, Princess Such and Such, etc. It is always picture worthy. I have videos of many foster kids, cousins, and some friends giggling or exploding in laughter over their teacups of juice. 

I'm not really into Halloween as a mom, and I have never liked blood or gore. However, the best party I ever attended was a Halloween Party in our barn as a kid. 

My mom decided to have a Halloween Party for all the neighbors, who were all retired farmers or close to it at the time. These hard-working people showed up so well disguised that we couldn't figure out who some of them were because they chose not to talk all night. Later we were all shocked when we discovered that the mute alien was the most proper grandma of all the neighbors. No one guessed it was her! 

Now that we live far from family, we go on adventures with friends. 

Celebrate Daily Life with a Note of Caution

Just make sure in all the fun that everyone feels honored or included in the fun. Sacrificing one person's feelings in the name of fun tends to ruin the whole party. 

Try to be sensitive to individual personalities and topics. For example, in the course of practical jokes, as a teen, one of the boys wired a real bra on the front of a friend's car, thinking it would be funny when everyone came out to leave so they could see it. The girl was devastated, and he was clueless. In his mind, it was funny because the cover on the front of a car is called a bra. 

Another friend didn't get the unspoken rules of a practical joke to be funny, NOT destructive. He hid a raw fish under the front seat of a car. It never hurts to state guidelines for fun, even if it seems obvious, especially with kids and teenagers.

Celebrate and Honor People through Words

Some of my favorite ways to honor and bless people are through words. On someone's birthday, we sometimes have everyone share something about the person having a birthday. What is your first memory of the person? Share one happy memory you have about the birthday girl. What is one thing that you think the birthday person is good at doing? Who has a story you could tell about the birthday girl?

Sometimes we have passed around a paper for everyone to write what they like most about our birthday boy. Written notes like this often find their way into special spots to be reread. The person is honored through words and celebrated again every time they read it.  

At a Bible study I go to, we pray for and share Bible verses to encourage the person to celebrate their birthday as a way to bless them. In addition, the birthday person is sometimes asked what they are looking forward to in the upcoming year or asked to share something they learned or what God showed them in the previous year. 

At women's parties, everyone brought their favorite something to exchange. This was fun and made you think of the person you got it from whenever I used it. Examples include bringing your favorite nail polish color, book, or recipe to trade. Then when you took home that person's item, you remembered to pray for them when you used their favorite.

Another time someone brought little painted cards with verses from a Christian bookstore. We got to pick one at random, and then after reading it to ourselves, we went around and shared how and why it was a verse meant for us, or we read the card aloud, and if we felt like it was for someone else, we would take it and share it with them.

I couldn't help but smile when I found a note of encouragement left on my desk as a teacher. Or the day one of my students snuck in after school and left me a cupcake in an overturned sugar cone with lots of frosting and candy spilling out! I LOVE frosting! (Thank you, Millie!) 

In turn, I have slipped notes or cards in my kids' bags at times when they go on overnight trips for school events. I have left little notes sticking out from under their pillows to find so that they know they are special to me.

Even sharing an accomplishment or something that someone does or did well in front of the person is a simple but effective way to honor someone through words.

Ways to Celebrate, Honor, and Acknowledge People

"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

This birthday girl got to run for her life to keep her candy while her friends and siblings chased her to try to get some. No one could “catch and hold her.” They all just made a run for it!

Some fun ways we celebrated birthdays was by using cookies to decorate. If you unscrew Oreo-type sandwiches, the frosting in the middle will stick to the glass (they stick longer if you lick them before you put them on)! They make great polka dots on the windows of a bedroom or car. Marshmallows and gummy bears stick on glass too. The secret is you have to lick them first. 🤪

Breakfast in bed on a birthday or special day always made me feel special growing up. It was even more fun to make a short menu and have someone check off what they wanted to order from bed so I could bring them breakfast in bed on their special day. 

Last Mother's Day, my girls brought me my favorite iced coffee and flowers in bed. My heart overflowed and still does at the memory! 💓

As a teen, I was called to the office one day, which made me nervous. However, when I got there, the secretary said I got flowers. My parents sent me flowers for my birthday! I went from anxious to glowing! No wonder I love flowers so much to this day. I felt thoroughly loved that birthday. 

To make an event feel extra special, you can honor kids and adults by leaving an invitation in their room or mailing it to them. For example, my daughter, who is in college now, has an invitation to a tea party she got in the mail from Nana five years ago. That invitation is treasured because of the way it makes her feel. She knows she is loved and belongs.

Dry-erase markers are a great way to celebrate with words such as,  

Happy first day of high school! You are going to be AMAZING!

Happy Birthday! 

Congratulations on your first job! 

You make it to the last week of school!

You are LOVED!

Creating treasure hunts for each other that lead to a treasure of candy or a present is fun too. An adult can do it for kids, or kids can do it in teams for each other. It is good to have parameters for any off-limits areas.

Treasure Hunt! Follow the yarn!

Turning a room or level of the house into a spider web always brings smiles and laughter as kids and adults crawl over and under each other's strings to get to the end, which is tied to a hidden treat or present. I always start all the yarn in the same spot where everyone enters, and it helps if everyone has a different color string. Then, I go back and forth, wrapping the yarn around furniture and things high and low to make a web so that it is impossible to walk through the room. It often gets an amazed reaction like, "WOAH!!!" when people first see it. 

The person who rolls up their yarn the neatest, or everyone who rolls it up neatly, can get a little prize, so you don't end up with masses of yarn.

There have been times when I heard a song that seemed like it was just perfect for a friend struggling and celebrating something in their life, and I texted it to them. I often add songs to the end of my blog because they seem like a perfect blessing at the end, like frosting on a cupcake (and now you know, I love frosting). It just makes the cake or blog so much better. There have been times songs have blessed me. After adopting our oldest daughter, she sent me a song that touched my heart and let me know I touched hers. 

Disclaimer: 

Don't start thinking I am a super mom! These are some of the things I have done over 20 years of parenting. I'm sure you have done many fun things to celebrate the people you love if you spend a little time thinking about it as I have tonight. I got most of the ideas from other people. Feel free to steal any ideas I've shared to celebrate with the people in your life. 

Conclusion:

Celebrating and honoring people makes memories that help us feel like we belong and lets us know that we are loved. I want to make more of those memories with the people in my life. For children (and adults), this builds their sense of self and identity in who they are in relation to others.

Take a moment and think about ways you celebrate the people you love 

In Their Milestones and Everyday Interests

Celebrate just for the fun of it!

Celebrate Daily Life with a Note of Caution

Celebrate and Honor People through Words

Ways to Celebrate Honor and Acknowledge People

What is a happy memory you remember being celebrated? How were you celebrated? How did it make you feel? You may have some fun ways of celebrating. I hope to hear some of your ideas and adventures from across the screen. I need some inspiration too!

Please share in the comments below! We all need a little inspiration. 

I love the little girl celebrating in dance and the cheering at the end!

“In love he chose us before he laid the foundation of the universe! Because of his love, he ordained us, so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence. For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace — for the same love he has for the Beloved, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!” Ephesians 1:4-6 TPT

Do You Feel like You Belong?

Many people do not feel like they belong. But do you know connecting with others can build your identity and feeling of belonging?

How can connecting with others build our identity and sense of belonging?

Finding out how we are similar to others in our family or social group builds our confidence to be ourselves and express our differences.

Do you feel like you belong? At work. At church. At school. With friends. At home? 

Adults often feel they don't belong, but we hope children can live in the innocence of feeling completely loved. Not because of what they do but because they do belong to a family, a classroom, a friendship, or God. 

When and where do the constraints of striving become so heavy? For me, this is a natural time for reflection after a traumatic brain injury that stripped me of passions since childhood: teaching and reading. It wasn't until recently that I realized how tightly my identity tangled into everything I enjoyed doing. 

This clarity came when half of the roles in my life were stripped away. I thought my roles were who I was: a teacher, foster mom, avid reader and learner, and author. It has been almost two years since my accident, and I am slowly recovering and able to read and write again. However, sensitivity to sound and some language processing issues related to noise and other input make teaching in a classroom out of reach for now.

What about you? If you weren’t a ________[insert job title]? What if you took away all of the labels that represent the roles of what you do in life? Hopefully, life's circumstances will not take roles from your life unwillingly, but it is then that we are left standing in the snow in winter without all the beautiful leaves of our own making that we realize, in our dormant stage, that it wasn't us. We could not do all we did alone; our accomplishments don't give us our worth. 

After having 42 foster children, they were all very different. Some are shy, funny, mouthy, or respectful. Yes. They were all as unique as God intended, yet my heart is heavy as I think about one way they were alike. No matter how sweet or big their attitudes were, they all acted as if they did not belong. Even the ones that returned to spend time with our family after they moved on. Between warm moments of laughter, conversation, or games, their sense of belonging seemed to waver under the surface. It can be seen in the shadow of a look or when they hang back or look away at times. I want to let them know they are loved, welcome, and included. 

We all want to know where we fit in. When children don't know their parents, they want to find them. It is a search for their identity. Who am I? Where do I belong? As foster parents, we can help build confidence in foster kids' personal belonging and identity by allowing kids to connect with their families through conversation and interactions when possible. Acknowledging that a child has their mom's smile or that they have their dad's nose can help connect them to their identity. Encourage kids to talk about their parents. I have found a healthy biological aunt or grandparent to be very valuable in building a child's confidence and connection to positive things in their family that they have often never heard.

I recently got together with my mom and her sisters, and they shared stories about family members I had never met. So when I noticed that I have the shape of my grandma's face and found out we have the same favorite drink, it made me feel close, connecting me with a fondness for the grandma I didn't get the chance to know. 

Identity is a hundred little ways of connecting with those you love: food, preferences, mannerisms, and tendencies that connect you to others. When I have asked foster kids which meal I make is their favorite, they often say, “I don’t know.” When I ask which meal or meals their mom made are their favorite, they have an answer! Ask them. Make these favorites part of your meal rotation. This is how a one-pot meal of hamburger, corn, and rice became a part of our family meals. Our foster kids got excited when we had their family favorites at our house. I taught a younger sibling how to make it, so they were eager to help make dinner which was a win-win for everyone. 

Find out what your children enjoy. Being intentional about playing basketball, because that is what everyone did where they came from, is a way of acknowledging and supporting their interests and identity.

As we discover the pieces and parts that make up our identity, we can allow ourselves to belong when we are allowed to be ourselves. Our differences and similarities allow us to fit together and feel a sense of belonging.

It creates an ache when you love a child who cannot seem to accept that they are loved. Nevertheless, the fact that we do not feel loved does not cancel anyone's love for us or make us less loveable or less a part of a family. I can't tell you how often I have told a kid that just being with them makes me happy because it is true. As adults, we must discover and believe in our innate value so the children we love so dearly in our lives will be able to do the same. 

In Ephesians 1:4-6 TPT, God says he chose us before he made the universe. Because of his great love for us, he planned to adopt us because he delights in us. We make him happy. His love cascades over us, and this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!

It doesn't say we did anything! He loves us because he chose us. Just like we love a baby when they are born, because they exist and they are ours.

When we question our identity or sense of belonging, we can discover who God says we are and connect with his truth. Connecting with others builds our identity and our realization that we do belong. Not because of what we do but because of who we are, God's unique creation. We can make a difference on this earth like no one else because no one has our combination of gifts, talents, and relationships. As we connect with others, our sense of personal belonging grows. All the different personalities and cultures around us make the world explode in the splendor of God's creativity! Together we all belong.

In challenging times, when you have one of your roles stripped away and feel you are losing part of your identity, it is more important than ever to remember what God says about you. You belong. I belong. This truth is easier to believe when we are connecting with others. 

If you need a reminder of what God says about you, download the free printable and get encouragement delivered to you!

Big or Small There Is a Difference Only You Can Make - Alistair Francisco Connect with others in your journey   Who God Says I Am

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This week I flew to Phoenix to visit to spend a week visiting with my Aunts and my mom! I LOVE all things family and taking a break from our dark Alaskan winter for a week of long days of sunshine!?! Count me in! It's beautiful here in winter, but I can take a week's break from the -20 weather. (: 

I have flown to many places. But did you know many foster kids in Alaska need to fly to their new foster family's homes?

Living in an isolated village in rural Alaska for ten years, the only practical and time-efficient way in and out was by plane. We flew to other villages since there were no roads connecting them. As the cross-country coach and school sponsor for the yearly science fair and Future Educators of Alaska sponsor, I flew a lot. Our school district had 11 villages (and schools) in an area the size of Ohio. We flew to every meet or competition, staying overnight on the floor in one of the classrooms. 

We flew Students to every meet

I was told it was school district policy not to put siblings on the same plane.

We usually took two planes. I'm not sure if it was true, but I was told it was school district policy not to put siblings on the same plane, and it was strictly followed in our village. "In case one went down," locals explained. Unfortunately, there were deaths every two or three years or so due to weather or the environment, and my students were not exempt from these tragedies. 

I only heard of one plane crash in the area where a plane went down near St. Mary's. But I know of a few occasions where people had problems landing and went off the runway or tipped when they came in, but no one got hurt. A lot of people fly, and it's windy. It wasn't an "accident," but a Cessna I was in tipped on its nose when I came in as we were coming to a stop. It made my heart jump, but the pilot hopped out and tipped the tiny plane back up before I climbed out. 

The church missionary in our village moved to Alaska in the 50s, and she told us she had been in three plane accidents while living in villages of rural Alaska. Unfortunately, she passed away now, but if I remember correctly, amazingly, I think the only injury she had was a broken arm. 

There were two villages I had reservations about flying into because we would have horrible turbulence and often had to make multiple attempts to land. One time, we couldn't find an opening in the clouds, and after four tries, we turned around and returned to our village. We would often get stuck in those villages. While it was good to have a break from our village (one mile in length in marsh as far as the eye could see), sleeping on the floor in a classroom for extra days while supervising teenagers who wanted to stay up all night wasn't my idea of fun. Still, it was refreshing to visit with a teacher who taught my grade from another village!

When I moved to my village, I was surprised that houses didn't have running water, but they had cable TV. There were no roads in or out of the village, but the Yukon river was a highway for metal boats in the summer and snow machines in the winter. During freeze-up, parents would put their children in their metal boat and push behind, so they could hop in the boat and push themselves across if it broke through the ice. 

Five of my students or their family members have died from drowning accidents since I began teaching there 20 years ago. People get lost in the snow on occasion when hunting or coming back from another village by snowmachine (a few hour drive across tundra and river). Accidents happen with guns on occasion too. So the instructions to listen to your elders are not just a matter of respect. It is a matter of survival. 

Children from the villages see death since the subsistence lifestyle is still prevalent in many families. Even if a family doesn't hunt, they will be given fish to clean, a whole moose leg (with fur) to the process, or they see people cleaning a seal on the river bank. Children watch with curiosity and often help too. 

While this was very hard for me to see initially, I have always eaten meat and fish and realized that if I can eat it, I need to be okay with the fact that someone needs to catch it and clean it.

When our class pet bird died, I was afraid of the kids' reaction, but while some were sad, they seemed to take it in stride, and some students had a certain amount of curiosity about it.

In a community 1 mile long where the 600 people all know each other or of each other, it's common for kids to roam freely from one relative's house to another. In an isolated community like this, it develops its own culture even though it's exposed to TV and trips to the outside. There are kids in the village who have never been outside their community.

Our family lived in the village during the school year while I taught. We love the unique culture and family that we have there. During the summers, my family would go to the Lower 48 to spend time with my side of the family, and at times we would go to Anchorage during the school year to see a doctor since there wasn't one in the village. My children would forget to put on seat belts and walk right out into parking lots without looking because it had been a while since they forgot. They would wander off in a store because, in the village, we knew everyone in the store, or they could walk home from there if they wanted to. When foster kids come from a village and wander off in the store or street or seem to "take off," I know it is not a sign of disrespect or trying to run away. They are used to living in a world with different rules and norms.

What rules Do you have?

I bet you don’t have to remind your children, “Don’t play on the runway.” This was one of the things I had to talk to my 1st-4th graders about at times.

I tell these stories to give you a glimpse into a culture you may have never seen in our country. I'd like to challenge you that a foster child coming into any new home may come from a completely different set of learned rules and norms that may appear offensive or disrespectful to you, but they are from a different world, even if they are from your town. 

Just last week, a grandma asked me to pray for her granddaughter because her elementary-age granddaughter is taking care of herself and homeschooling herself while her mom struggles with mental health issues. The only people this little girl has been able to see have been her mom, and she is occasionally allowed to see her grandma. Unfortunately, with child services, children on edge like this who are not in "imminent danger" are left to fend for themselves. Join me in prayer for children like this child in your community. 

Powerful true story leaving rural Alaska!

Told by David Gibbs

Thoughts From Foster Kids

Jump to Quick Adult guide on Empathy Jump to HOW TO EQUIP CHILDREN TO SHOW EMPATHY

Opportunities for Empathy Are Everywhere!

Notice the people around you and offer to carry something when you see someone struggling! Kids could start with something as simple as a bag of carrots. Empathy doesn’t have to be complicated.

As adults, we don't always know how to act or show empathy. However, when we understand empathy, we can model it for the kids in our lives. Could there be anything better to pass on in a world where loneliness and suicide among adults and kids are growing? As a parent, foster parent, and teacher, I have found endless opportunities to coach children to have empathy. 

In this blog, you will find

Quick Adult Guide on Empathy, Definition of Sympathy vs. Empathy, What Does Empathy Look like vs. Sympathy? How to Pass On Empathy to the Kids in Your Life, How to Equip Children with the Language and Skills They Need to Show Empathy, Begin by Developing a Supportive Environment, Help Children Recognize Feelings, Allow and Encourage Kids to Take Care of Small Problems, The Take Away, Audio: Kids Learning Empathy

Quick Adult guide on Empathy

It helps to begin by looking at the difference between sympathy and empathy since sympathy can actually cause the opposite reaction of our intent to connect with and help others.

Have you ever tried to open up to a friend or family member about something terrible going on in your life? Did they respond to the end of your story with:

"Well, that sucks."

"I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"But the good news is that . . ."

"At least [insert worse thing] didn't happen."

How did that make you feel? Did you feel better, or did it make you feel annoyed, or even worse? That person was attempting to show they cared about your problem, so why wasn't it helpful?

While all of those statements imply a sense of sympathy, they lack empathy. 

https://orwfoundation.org/why-you-nee...

Definition of Empathy vs. Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are similar, yet they differ in how they can make one suffering feel. 

Empathy  is a sense that you can understand and share the feelings of another. Try to be sensitive to the needs, desires, and emotions of the person who is hurting. Even just being there silently for him or her can often be helpful."

  Sympathy  is a feeling of pity or sorrow for someone else's misfortune. If you give sympathy by feeling pity, it may generate feelings of alienation in others. Of course, try to be as authentic as possible in responding to others. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202007/sympathy-vs-empathy

What Does Empathy Look like vs. Sympathy?

Sympathy is our relief in not having someone's problem. Empathy is understanding how someone feels and joining them in their emotion. 

Three beautiful memories that display empathy come to my mind. 

In my husband's small isolated Yup'ik village, when a person passes away, everyone goes to their house to be with the family when they find out about the death. Depending on how well you know the person, you could sit quietly for a half hour, or you could stay all day and go back the next day to visit, drink coffee or tea and visit with the people there, just so the family doesn't have to be alone in their grief. You don't have to say anything if you don't know what to say; you can sit and listen to others talk. It's just important to be there.

Sympathy would be putting a card in the mail or saying, "I heard about your dad. I'm sorry." Sympathy can be appropriate if you do not know someone well.

My neighbor's baby passed away recently, and when I opened my curtains one dark day in Alaska, their front yard was filled with candles in the snow, and another neighbor stood alone praying in their yard. My eyes welled with tears at seeing that lone neighbor's empathy.

Sympathy would be feeling horrible for the mom and being so glad that something like that never happened to your family. Not knowing what to say or do, some neighbors might avoid the family or give them a sad half smile if they happen upon them. Neighbors who don't know the family but want to show sympathy might leave them a card saying they are sorry for their loss.

I know these are extreme examples since those are the things we remember most. In these instances, I took my children with us as the other parents in the village did to participate in the community-binding displays of empathy. In the city, my children helped me make and carry over a meal for the neighbors who had lost their baby. A simple discussion with your kids before, during, and after these events help everyone process the situation.

On a less somber note, I have seen an empathetic child choose to stay in from recess when their friend was upset because they forgot their winter gear and couldn't go outside with the class. 

I've heard sympathetic children say, "Remember to bring your snow pants tomorrow. You could ask your mom to remind you or put a note on the door."

Another time, an empathetic child got off the three-person sled so that another girl wouldn't be left by herself at the top of the sledding hill at recess.

I've seen sympathy on the sledding hill too. "Sorry, you don't fit. You can use the sled next."

How to Pass On Empathy to the Kids in Your Life 

Notice and talk about needs and opportunities to show empathy around you in simple terms. If children ask difficult questions, answer simply with a brief answer. It is usually all they want. If they ask for more details, offer as much as is appropriate, but when you use fewer words, it is usually less confusing and easier for kids to understand.

Kids are very visual and practical. They like to know that people are being fair. So allow them to see and respond to others in need with coaching. Listen with an open expression without overreacting to their concerns.

Equip Children with the Language and Skills They Need to Show Empathy

How to Equip Children with the Language and Skills They Need to Show Empathy

Begin by Developing a Supportive Environment 

Celebrating each other empowers kids to have a voice. Then, when they learn to advocate for themselves, they can learn to take responsibility for their actions and become comfortable advocating for others. 

Help Children Recognize Feelings

The primary emotions elementary students verbalize are happy, sad, and mad. Help children identify what they are feeling. When you notice they look proud, embarrassed, frustrated, etc. Verbalize it for them so they understand their feelings, "You look frustrated. Let's take a break." 

When you read books with kids, discuss how the characters look like they feel. For example, ask children, "What might they feel in this picture? How would you feel if that happened to you?" 

Allow and Encourage Kids to Take Care of Small Problems

When kids learn to identify their feelings and how to act when they are wronged, it sets the stage for understanding and showing empathy to someone else.

If a child tells on another kid, ask the child who is tattling if they asked the other child to stop. If not, tell them to say to the offender that they don't like what they are doing or ask them to stop if it bothers them. Sometimes I explain that it is good to play somewhere else if they don't like something someone else is doing that is not hurting them. For example, if a sibling sings while playing and they think it is annoying, they could play in another room.

When children are too shy to ask another child to stop something, I go with them and give them the words to say. 

I have coached, "Daniel, Jena needs to talk to you."

"Jenna, tell him what has been bothering you," wait for a reply. 

If an eager child interrupts to explain or defend themself, ask them to please wait their turn.

Encourage the child to share how it makes them feel. "How does that make you feel, Jena?" Sad, mad, frustrated, angry, etc.

Let the other child explain their side and then ask if they like to feel (insert the emotion the offended child named). Wait for a response.

Then do the same scenario again if the child telling did something offensive first.

Ask if anyone needs to say sorry afterward and then prompt them to solve the problem themselves if it is a little problem where no one was physically hurt or could be in danger. 

Explain that an adult isn't always around and that it is important to learn to handle little problems where no one is getting hurt.

I once had a visiting speaker at our school who what surprised when she saw my first-grade class having recess in the gym. "The kids play so well together. They seem to handle their own problems," she observed.

I explained that we talk about expectations before we go anywhere. If there was an issue last time, we discussed it before our next event. As a teacher, I told students, for example, that I noticed that it took a long time for everyone to line up the last time when recess was over, so we were going to practice lining up before we played. As a mom, I explained to my kids in the pool that if they don't get out now, you won't get to go to the pool with us next time. Then I followed through, and that child had to stay home the next time. 

As a family, we talk about expectations for our family before issues arise. This can be done by observing aloud you, like their sharing or explaining, "We don't hit each other in our family when we get frustrated. Instead, we use our words and speak respectfully to each other.

I have seen this work in different settings when the adults agree to allow kids to work out their problems. When a kid comes to an adult angry or frustrated, adults ask questions such as, 

Did you tell her you didn't like it?

Did you ask him to stop?

An adult interjects to stop a situation when a child is hurt or could get hurt. 

She is crying because you hurt her feelings. 

Does anyone need to say sorry for anything? 

The Take Away

Children learn empathy in the following ways in no specific order.

Conversations - Talk with the children in your life about the person you just saw in the wheelchair. How could we help the next time we see an elderly woman or a fussy toddler in front of us in line? Bring their attention to other people’s needs.

Exposure - to people who are hurting - talk about real needs and issues your child sees in a movie or on the news. Take your children to a nursing home or to a friend’s house where they can help meet practical needs, such as playing with younger kids while the moms get something done or they help see the table.

Modeling - Allow your kids to see others show empathy - include your kids in helping kids in their school or neighborhood.

Coaching - An adult or older child can help a child show empathy by being with the child and encouraging them.

While teaching empathy to kids is initially daunting, I have seen it happen naturally with a bit of guidance and exposure in my classroom and at home. Wherever there are children, there are opportunities to build empathy. 

As a mom, our older children were open to the idea of being a foster family, but they were also hesitant. Below I have attached a couple of stories from my recent audiobook that show how our children developed empathy after conversations, exposure, modeling, and coaching in our home.

Audio Below: Kids Learning Empathy

An excerpt from Breathing through Foster Care in the Chapter: How Will Fostering Affect My Children at Home?

Animals can can be a good way to soften a teen heart.

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It is the new year. A time I love to think of the things I love and pray about what I want to focus on for the coming year. Of course, BOOKS, always rise to the top of my thoughts! I love good books and learning new things! Listening to others’ ideas inspires me to action. I thought I would share some of our family-favorite inspirations and breaths of fresh air in case you would like to try any of them yourself!

These books are our family favorites! Enjoy!

Young Listeners and Readers

These children’s books just make me happy (even better when read with a child snuggled by your side!)

Picture Books




Mental Health & Identity for kids




Beginning Chapter books





Children’s Chapter Books

Fun Family Read Aloud Books!

Parenting




Spritual




Personal Development

*We may earn a commission when you buy through links on our site, at no extra cost to you.

Podcasts are another way I find inspiration and further education for myself and my family. I hope you find ideas you can incorporate into your life today as you listen to the podcast below! Blessings to you and your family in the new year! ~ Robin LaVonne Hunt

 For a Monthly Dose Of Reality with a heap of hope Subscribe below!

His love cascades over us!

“In love he chose us before the laid the foundation of the universe! Because of his great love, he ordained us, so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.

For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace—for the same love he has for the Beloved, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!” Ephesians 1:4-6

One thing loving foster children has taught me is that no matter how much you love someone, you can't make them feel loved. Some people don't know how to feel loved or can't yet, in their place in life. Then, there are times they aren't willing to accept love from a particular person. They have to be willing to accept, receive, or believe it. I know foster children that don't think they were loveable, even when a sibling they love is saying it or showing it.

What about you? 

Do you feel loved when others express love to you through actions, looks, words, or presents?

Do you allow yourself to feel loved?

Many naturally learn to feel loved as they grow up, but I wonder if it is also something we need to practice. 

It is easy to be critical of ourselves, but when children see how we can give and receive love and forgiveness, they will be able to begin building their bridge to being able to give and receive love and forgiveness.

It reminds me of the saying, "You can't give what you don't have." 

We all want our children to feel loved, happy, and at peace in their childhood, but what about you? What about me? If we take a breath, we realize we want to feel loved, happy, and at peace too. It's essential for everyone's emotional and mental health, but more importantly, it creates a place of belonging where we can accept that life is messy. 

People you love will hurt you, and you will hurt them, even though that is not anyone's intent. It doesn't make us or them bad or less loveable. When we feel rejected or dismissed by people, it is essential to remember that nothing you can do will make God love you any less or love you any more.

Children absorb what they see in us. Their ideas and actions will flow from what they see. 

How do your children see your life? Do you accept love and relax into the peace of being loved?

The Bible says God is love, so if we want to experience love with anyone in a deeper way, maybe we need to allow ourselves to just be in his presence, thinking about how he loves us and remembering all the ways he shows us his love. 

As you listen to the song below, take a minute to ponder how many ways God acted in love for you before you were even born and now after you are here. He chose you before he made the universe!

 For a monthly dose of reality with a heap of hope  

“Death is at work in us but it releases life in you.” 2 Cor. 4:12

In foster care, there are many times when you find that you cannot do things that you want to. Your hands feel tied.

I have been learning to deal with not being able to do what I want to do for the last year and a half as I adjust to the limitations post-concussion syndrome imposes on me. For me, this means wearing earplugs, not being able to be in noisy places for very long, and switching to a smaller church with less "crowd noise." Sometimes I lose access to vocabulary words I need in the middle of a conversation or even names of people I know well when I get overwhelmed by too much background noise. This is humbling. Since I look healthy, it is embarrassing when I cannot express or explain myself.

I set the timer when I write or read and use text-to-speech to type when I can. When my neurologist told me last month that I could work on writing for 15 minutes a day, it felt very patronizing. I know he was right because, before that time, the back of my eyes and my head began to hurt. But, I was the kid that pulled all-nighters reading chapter books in 4th grade on a school night with a flashlight under the covers before getting up to go to school. Fortunately, I can listen to audiobooks again as long as it's not too technical, which exhausts my brain and shuts down my whole system. I can't speak coherently or stay awake. Thankfully, my ability to write and read aloud has increased in the last month.

Okay… I can go on for an extended time about all the things I can't do and why, and I'm sure you could do the same. However, I always have to go back to what is true (Philippians 4:8). I can still write. I can still read. I still have the vocabulary and experience, and knowledge to use it. My counselor reminded me that I need to focus on how far I've come and what I can do now that I couldn't do after the accident instead of all I used to be able to do beforehand. This has changed my perspective.

What about you?

You probably could spend a whole conversation over coffee explaining why something in your life isn't fair and how someone else needs to do something or stop doing something so that you can fulfill whatever good you need to do.

There may be something in your life that is keeping you from doing what you want. At times it's easy to focus on all that you can't do compared to before an injury, an illness, a move, or a break in a relationship.

I laughed when a friend shared the prayer below because it's so true!

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me."

Sometimes the things we can do are so small that we discount them. Ask God for what you can do and thank him. There is something that only you can do because of who you are and where you are in life. This mental shift is empowering.

You aren't helpless or powerless in your given situation.

I had felt lonely and isolated in the absence of a classroom and all the required purpose and mental energy. Going from being a mom of ten kids to having six foster kids move out right before two more went off to college, I feel like an empty nester with only one left at home (our oldest is an adult on her own). However, you don't stop thinking, worrying, and praying for kids just because they are out of the house.

Recently my counselor asked me, "What can you do?"

The next day I went for a walk to ease my hurting head. I missed conversations and people in general but could not spend much time with them because of all my symptoms. Walking down the street, I saw an older woman taking out her trash. I commented on how beautiful the tree was in her yard, and she told me the story of how she got the tree decades ago. The conversation was probably literally only a minute. I know this connection may seem ridiculously small, but it encouraged me, and maybe she was lonely that day, too, as she eagerly talked about her beautiful tree.

On that same walk, an elderly man turned his car in front of me into his driveway. I stopped on the street as he pulled in front of me. We shared a sincere smile as we made eye contact. At that moment, I felt like I wasn't forgotten, as the world, I once knew went on without me. God saw these two strangers and me. And he gave us these moments of connection.

What can you do? Even the seemingly insignificant matters. We are all connected.

What is true in your life?

What do you still have?

What can you do?