Ivy L. James's Blog

We're at the end of the year! That's hard to believe. Feels like just yesterday I was setting my beautifully reasonable goals for 2024.

As a reminder...

My official 2024 goals:

Finalize The Winner Takes It All for publication

Publish a poetry chapbook

Edit 6 manuscripts

Bonus: Draft The Plus-One Contract

My secret, bonus 2024 goals:

Publish A Necklace of Teeth with Dogleech Books

Finish drafting Loving Her Princess as Cassia King

Submit Loving Her Princess to NineStar Press or query

Edit 12 manuscripts

Bonus: Finish drafting TPOC

Bonus: Read 20 books

Here's how I did on these!

I revised, edited, and finalized Winner, and it was published on 29 October 2024.

Over the course of 2024, I published TWO poetry chapbooks -- The Orange and Pink Sunset and A Necklace of Teeth. I also drafted a third chapbook, Coal Hearted, and submitted it to a small press.

In 2024, I edited 13 manuscripts and a tarot guidebook! That's easily my busiest editing year since I went freelance.

In terms of writing this year:

I completely drafted (75k) Loving Her Princess.

I completely drafted (22k) Witch-Touched.

I drafted 20k of The Plus-One Contract.

I drafted 9k of Loving Her Duchess.

I got 9k into The Queen's Champion.

I completely drafted (6k) my short story for the Scholarly Pursuits anthology.

I drafted 12k of a secret pen name project.

Finalizing Winner for publication included adding 18k to the draft.

On my own time, I wrote over 20k on non-publishing fiction.

I started querying Loving Her Princess in mid-October. I'm currently working on an R&R.

I read 18 of 20 books. (That's published books only. I don't include clients' manuscripts.) I'd like to read more next year!

Witch-Touched was accepted to Lethe Press's Witchcraft In Your Lips novella collection.

And bonus things I accomplished this year:

I attended Sierra DeMulder’s Turn the Crystal poetry class.

I contributed items to 2 charity auctions.

I read tarot at a local bookstore once a month.

I revamped my author website.

I tabled at my first book fair.

I did my first writing experiment.

I participated in Swords, Sapphics, and Scribbles events, as well as the Order of the Written Word.

I matched up with a gem of a critique partner.

I published my first audiobook.

During all this, I held down a full-time job.

QOTD: How did you do on your 2024 goals?

(Next step is to set my 2025 goals, but that's another blog.)

Now go forth and make your dreams come true!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog.

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun.

MORE BY ME

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

A Necklace of Teeth (queer rage poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: A Necklace of Teeth: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it in print or in digital form from my publisher!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Listen to the audiobook!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer MF marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

The Winner Takes It All (sapphic rivals-to-lovers romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: In Which Their Paths Cross Without Them Knowing It

Preorder from my publisher!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

If you read my halfway-point check-in blog, you know I set myself up for goal success this year by aiming low and reasonable. You also know I threw myself into the productivity deep end as soon as I met those nice, reasonable goals.

Quarter Three was no better in terms of reason.

My official 2024 goals:

Finalize The Winner Takes It All for publication

Publish a poetry chapbook

Edit 6 manuscripts

Bonus: Draft The Plus-One Contract

My secret, bonus 2024 goals:

Publish A Necklace of Teeth with Dogleech Books

Finish drafting Sword's End as Cassia King

Submit Sword's End to NineStar Press or query

Edit 12 manuscripts

Bonus: Finish drafting TPOC

Bonus: Read 20 books

I'm doing great on most of these. Winner is in its preorder phase. Sword's End is almost finished, at 71K words. The Orange and Pink Sunset and A Necklace of Teeth are out in the world. I've edited 12 manuscripts (plus a tarot deck guidebook!), with more on the way. I've read 17 books for fun so far.

But TPOC is at a standstill. I've made no progress on it since June because, ahem, I started something ELSE new. That's just who I am as a person.

Here's what I've been up to in Q3 2024:

Finished drafting Coal Hearted (exvangelical poetry chapbook)

Drafted Witch-Touched (second-chance witchy lesbian romance novella)

Submitted Witch-Touched to Lethe Press's novella collection and was accepted

Pitched and accepted to Reverent: An Anthology of Divinity

Pitched and accepted to Duck Prints Press's Scholarly Pursuits collection

Took on 5 new editing clients

Finalized Winner for publication

Submitted my Reverent piece to the editor

Started my Scholarly Pursuits piece

Tabled at a local book fair

I powered through Witch-Touched like a woman possessed. I typed the first word on July 22 and typed "The End" on September 6 (which is super fast for me these days). It ended up at 22K words, which I'm happy with.

Here's what I expect to do in Q4:

Edit 3+ more manuscripts

Publish Winner with NineStar Press on 29 October 2024

Finish drafting Sword's End

Maybe start the next book after Sword's End in the Sapphics of Serrana series?

QOTD: What are your 2024 goals, and how are you doing on them?

Now go forth and make your dreams come true!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog.

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun.

MORE BY ME

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

A Necklace of Teeth (queer rage poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: A Necklace of Teeth: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it in print or in digital form from my publisher!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer MF marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

The Winner Takes It All (sapphic rivals-to-lovers romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: In Which Their Paths Cross Without Them Knowing It

Preorder from my publisher!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

TW: death of parents in the past in a car accident, resulting PTSD re: storms, on-page anxiety attack.

CHAPTER 1: IN WHICH THEIR PATHS CROSS WITHOUT THEM KNOWING IT

Yelena Montalban glared at the dark clouds overhead before slipping into her white Subaru hatchback. “Do not storm on me,” she told the skies as she started her car. “Don’t you dare.” She could’ve skipped the gym and headed straight home, but a good workout would give her some endorphins. Besides, the weather channel app on her phone promised the storm would pass right over her little Virginia town.

Still, her white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel didn’t let up as she eased out of the high school teachers’ parking lot and onto the main road. “Don’t storm, don’t storm, don’t storm,” she chanted under her breath. Her nails dug into the leather. But the clouds remained benign, even as they followed her to the local gym. Maybe the weather channel was right after all. She tossed her workout bag over her shoulder and trotted inside.

The lobby held the welcome station and a smoothie bar. The main floor of the gym opened to a wide-open room, with a long free-weight section along the wall and three parallel rows of ellipticals, bikes, and treadmills. A thirty-minute circuit area had been blocked off in the far back, and glass-walled workout classrooms took up the other side. With tennis and basketball courts and the track upstairs, and the pool downstairs, it was a massive gym, especially for such a rural area, and she was grateful for it every day.

“Welcome to Riverside Fitness—oh, hey, Yelena!” The greeter beamed and waved at her. “How’s it going?”

Yelena forced a carefree brightness into her voice and smile as she scanned her membership tag. “Doing awesome. How ’bout you?”

“Hangin’ in there.” He inclined his head toward the row of classrooms. “Have fun, and don’t forget to log your visit!”

Yelena gave him a thumbs-up and strode past the welcome station toward the locker rooms. On her way, she stopped to look up at the screen on the wall that showed the participation leaderboard. It updated once a day, at eight in the morning, so it wasn’t fully current, but close enough. The gym awarded points for everything—customer referrals, classes attended, even social media interaction. And the prize at the end of the competition? One thousand dollars in cold, hard cash.

She checked her position in the ranking.

 

 

Yelena scowled.

Sure, Embry was cute, but she was also a pain in Yelena’s ass. How were they still tied for first? Well, maybe today’s spin class would push Yelena up to number one.

In her favorite changing stall, she donned a sports bra, tank top, and biker shorts. She pulled her strawberry-blonde hair into a high ponytail, removed her necklace with her parents’ wedding rings, tucked her purse and gym bag into a locker, and headed for Classroom Two. The wood floor gleamed under the fluorescent lights. No windows meant no visuals of the impending storm, allowing Yelena to breathe again. The familiar spin instructor, Hanna, was already at the front of the room; because the too-loud music discouraged conversation, Yelena only waved her fingers at her and picked the bike at her preferred spot. First row, front and center.

As the music blared from the speakers, Hanna turned on her mic and encouraged everyone to find their places so class could start. Yelena stretched but kept an eye on the door. She and Embry often attended the same classes; would she show up at this one?

Hanna announced the beginning of class with no sign of Embry. Somehow both pleased and disappointed, Yelena climbed onto her bike.

The bass thudded in her chest. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. As her legs pumped, she leaned into the exercise, letting it wash her thoughts away. She closed her eyes and simply felt. The power. The freedom. The endorphins swept over her, enveloping her in a high. Sweat slicked her face and body. Her muscles ached, but she pressed on, pushing herself, knowing she had more to give. Her lungs and legs burned beautifully.

Too soon, though: “And now it’s time for cooldown!” Hanna called out. “Good job, everyone—you made it through the workout!”

Yelena slowed to a more reasonable pace. A sense of accomplishment tingled under her skin. Panting, she followed Hanna’s instructions for the cooldown period. After wiping down her bike, she stopped to say bye to Hanna on the way out. “Good class today!”

Hanna beamed. “You did great! Really pushed yourself. Good job!” She high-fived Yelena, who soaked up the praise. “Too bad Embry couldn’t join us today though. Where is she?”

Yelena crinkled her nose. “I have no idea. I’ve never talked to her outside the gym.”

“Oh. My bad. Y’all are always in the same classes, so I figured it was intentional.”

“Nope.”

They chatted for a few more minutes, and then Yelena left the classroom. Her phone was in the locker room, and she needed to log her class time in the online leaderboard tracker.

Yelena froze at the loud crack of thunder. In the windows, lightning flashed outside. Her blood running cold, Yelena gritted her teeth and stalked away.

The thunder shook the building, and Yelena burst into the locker room, almost knocking into another woman. “Sorry,” she muttered, but she didn’t stop. She rushed to her changing stall and locked herself inside. Pressing her back against the wall, Yelena interlocked her fingers around the nape of her neck and ducked her head between her knees. Her breaths came too fast even as she tried to slow them, time them. The high from spin class was long gone.

I’m safe in here. I’m safe.

Yelena had had a therapist once, many years ago now. The therapist had been more concerned with being right than with helping her, so she’d pretty much let him talk his way through the mandated sessions. Then, when she’d finally been free of him, she heaved a sigh of relief and gone right back to her tried-and-true methods such as “hiding in closets” and “never talking about her feelings.”

Yelena hated that she still, at twenty-eight years old, had these anxiety attacks over storms. It was stupid. It was childish. But whenever a storm threatened, she reverted to that twelve-year-old girl, trapped in an overturned car with two dead parents in the front seats. She couldn’t go home either. Couldn’t drive in the lashing rain, cracking thunder, startling lightning. Couldn’t put herself in that danger.

But her roommate, Alexandria Hudson, knew the basics of her storm anxiety, and maybe she could—

The phone buzzed in Yelena’s pocket.

She fumbled for it with trembling hands and eventually managed to bring up the incoming text.

Alex: Are you still at the gym?

Yelena: Yes. In the locker room

Alex: Do you want me to come sit with you?

Yelena: You don’t have to if you’re busy

Alex: On my way.

So, Yelena huddled, sweaty in a way that had nothing to do with the exercise class she’d just finished, and tried desperately to drown out the sounds of the storm thrashing the building as she waited for her roommate to show up so she wouldn’t be alone.

 

*****

 

“And finally, we have the annual award for MVP. The best of the best here at Masterwork Accounting.” The CEO laid on the praise heavily, going on and on.

Come on. Get over yourself. Who is it? Embry leaned forward in her uncomfortable chair. She’d sat through the company’s entire awards ceremony, and so far, she was empty-handed. This was it. It had to be. If she hadn’t earned any recognition at all in the last year…

Her once-favorite high-school teacher’s voice whispered in the back of her head.

It’s hard to see her going anywhere.

Then the CEO called her up to the front and handed her the brass-and-glass plaque, her name stamped on the metal. Embry beamed as she posed for a photo. Outside, thunder rolled. The reassuring sound left her happier than ever, and after the ceremony wrapped up, she hustled out the door, barely managing to greet everyone who wanted to congratulate her. She ran through the storm to her navy-blue SUV, covering her goddess braids so the rain wouldn’t ruin them. She climbed up into the driver’s seat, slammed the door shut, cranked up the ABBA tunes, and wheeled out of the parking lot. She’d missed spin class for this ceremony, but at least she had an award to show for it. The award, really. The number-one available choice.

Before Embry went to the gym, though, she stopped by the Masterwork headquarters. Unlocking the side door, she entered her office. On the east wall, she evaluated her options for where to place the new award. The wall was already smattered with diplomas, certificates, and plaques. Everything Embry could amass to prove her worth over thirty-two years.

In the end, she moved a graduate certificate in advanced business analytics over with the diplomas so she could hang this plaque next to last year’s. And, well, next to the one for the year before that as well. It was a busy wall, but she treasured it. No one could say she hadn’t made something of herself now.

Embry snapped a quick photo on her phone and glanced at the clock on her desk. Yeah, spin class was over by now, but another class would take its place, and she could slide into that one. Quickly, she registered online for whatever was available—Pilates, as it turned out—and tucked her cell back into her purse. She sped to the gym so she wouldn’t be late. With so few spaces in the nearly full lot, she had to park in the far back corner. Ah well, it was extra exercise to warm her up.

Gym bag hanging from her elbow, Embry scanned her tag and nodded briskly at the greeter before hightailing it to the women’s locker room. She headed for her preferred changing stall…and found it closed. Taken. For just sitting, apparently. Someone was on the bench inside it, but not moving. The initial irritation faded into concern.

Embry knocked lightly.

“Taken!”

“You okay in there?”

“Fine, thanks.” The woman sounded stressed and vaguely familiar, but her voice was so thin Embry couldn’t place her.

Embry pressed again anyway. “D’you need anything? An employee?”

“I’m good.” But the woman made no move to leave the stall.

Begrudgingly, Embry opened another stall and yanked on her workout clothes and gym shoes. As she shoved her gym bag and purse into a locker, the locker room door opened, and a tall, athletic white woman entered. She wore her blonde hair in a pixie cut and had a slit in her right brow. Rain spattered her hoodie and jeans. If the eyebrow slit weren’t gay-signally enough, her rainbow low-top sneakers drew the eye.

“You in here?” the woman called.

The stressed voice from Embry’s preferred stall replied faintly, “First stall, Alex.” The door lock clicked open.

Rainbow Shoes strode to the stall and joined the person inside, though Embry didn’t catch a glimpse of whoever it was. Embry wasn’t trying to listen in, but it was hard to avoid hearing Rainbow Shoes ask, “How are you feeling?”

No audible answer.

“That’s okay. We can sit.”

Embry locked her things up and rushed to Classroom C, managing to slide in right before the instructor got started. She worried, still, about the woman in the stall, but she’d offered help and been turned down. There was nothing more to do about it. She let herself get lost in the class.

After an hour of mat Pilates, Embry showered (oh, that felt good after sweating her ass off), dressed, and checked the leaderboard. First place. Her lips curved. But the refreshing feeling from the shower evaporated when she saw Yelena’s name beneath hers with the exact same number of points. Tied for first? No. No way. This would not stand.

Embry drove home peeved about that, but she plastered a big grin on her face when she walked into her house, a two-story open-concept cottage she’d shared with her college roommate for nine years. Her family was visiting for dinner, and she didn’t want them to ask about her mood.

Her housemate, Rhiannon Bordeaux, shot her a smile from the kitchen as she slipped Embry’s sisters, sixteen-year-old Charity and six-year-old Joy, tortilla chips and a bowl of queso. They stole away to the dining table to dig into the appetizers. Rhiannon wore a crisp powder-blue blouse that flattered her fair skin and blonde hair, which was weaved into an intricate braid. Her wire-frame glasses sat perfectly straight.

“How was the awards ceremony?” asked her dad, Jamal, before popping a cheese-covered chip into his mouth. He’d offered to bring the family to the work party, but no one else was inviting their parents and siblings; it’d been implied “partner or spouse only” for the plus-ones, so Embry had turned him down, even though it would’ve been nice to have an audience for her win.

Embry pointed to herself. “Guess who got MVP for the third year in a row!”

“Oh!” Her mom, Connie, rushed over and hugged her. “Congratulations! There was no doubt in my mind you’d earn it again.”

Jamal got up and squeezed Embry’s shoulder. “You deserve it.”

Embry beamed at them, but again, she heard Ms. Takahashi: It’s a nice dream and all, but… After all the effort of getting into Wharton, of graduating top of her class, of moving back to rural Virginia to be a big fish in a small pond for nine years? She’d had a good reason, but was she doing enough? Was Ms. Takahashi right about her after all?

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Rhiannon said from the kitchen, her quiet voice nearly inaudible over the clamor of Charity and Joy shoveling chips into their mouths and arguing over who had to set the table.

Pushing the thoughts aside, Embry disentangled herself from her parents and started setting the table around her bickering sisters. “Arms up,” she said to Joy, who raised her hands obediently so Embry could slide a placemat and plate in front of her. When she got to Charity, though, she furrowed her brow. “Weren’t you supposed to be at that SAT study group tonight?”

Charity shrugged. “They’re boring. I’m fine.”

Distress, frustration, and worry welled inside Embry. As the successful oldest sister, it was her duty to help both her younger sisters get on the right path and stay on it. Joy was young still, but Charity was old enough now; her choices would start affecting her life long-term. What if she couldn’t get into a good college because she hadn’t tried hard enough? What if she didn’t go to college at all? Their parents tried, to little avail, but Embry held out hope that she might be a good influence.

If only Charity gave two shits what she had to say.

“The SAT’s coming up sooner than later,” Embry reminded her.

Charity rolled her eyes. “I’m aware, thanks.”

“Doesn’t Wharton recommend a 1500? A 1570? You’ll need to—”

“I haven’t even decided yet if I want to go to Wharton,” Charity grumbled. “Just because you went—”

“It’s not about me going. It’s one of the best schools in the country, and you could qualify if you applied yourself.” You’re so smart, but it’s like you don’t want anyone to know. “Or, if Wharton’s not for you, then MIT. Stanford. Harvard. Yale. You have options.”

“Wow, what options,” Charity drawled sarcastically. “Such variety. Thanks.”

Embry scowled and dropped silverware on either side of her sister’s plate. “You aren’t listening to me—”

“Coming up behind you,” Rhiannon murmured as she reached around Embry to set a big serving bowl of spicy taco meat on a trivet in the center of the table. Connie and Jamal brought the toppings bowls from the kitchen, Rhiannon set a few side dishes on trivets as well, and then they all sat down together. Connie said grace, and they dug in.

Embry had to shovel bite after bite of food into her mouth to keep from continuing the argument with Charity, to keep from calling their parents into it too. It wasn’t technically her business, but it was. She wanted Charity to do well. To succeed. She had the brains for it; she just needed to try.

And Embry was determined to lead her down the straight and narrow. Drag her kicking and screaming, even.

Charity would live her best life if Embry had anything to say about it.

Watch and see.

The Winner Takes It All is a steamy sapphic rivals-to-lovers romance. It's scheduled to release on 29 October 2024.

It is book 2 in the Virginia Is For All Lovers series. (Book 1 is Border Ctrl+Esc.)

You can apply to be an ARC reader here.

For more writerly things, you can subscribe to this blog.

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

Virginia Book 1: Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

You can buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

A Necklace of Teeth (queer rage poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: A Necklace of Teeth: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it in print or in digital form from my publisher!

A Necklace of Teeth is my second poetry chapbook, releasing 22 July 2024 from Dogleech Books.

This collection is themed around queer rage, specifically my fury around homophobic family, religious trauma, and past sexual predators.

You can preorder A Necklace of Teeth from the publisher's store.

My poetry writing style is simple, raw, and understandable. If you like Running Upon the Wires by Kae Tempest, you might like my poetry.

Trigger warnings: familial homophobia, religious homophobia, religious trauma, adult language, violence, gore, arson, murder, references to past sexual assaults.

wounds the evangelical church left in me

you got your hooks in me young—

talons with a death grip on my heart.

and when I finally wrenched myself free,

I bled.

claws tore open my ribcage,

desperate for the organs

you felt belonged to you.

     throat

     lungs

     stomach

     liver

     heart

but they weren’t yours anymore.

 

I sank to my knees, left in tatters,

but I survived,

and you howled,

with gore in your teeth and nails.

 

you called your fury sadness

and your hatred love;

you said you only wanted

what was best for me.

but I’m looking at the hole in my chest

     and the shreds of skin

     and the ripped-out innards

     and I’m wondering

          (with my viscera in my hands)

               if maybe that wasn’t true at all.

                    if maybe it never was.

a secondary emotion

they say anger is a secondary emotion

(an emotion fueled by other emotions).

they say it means I’m really feeling something else—

sadness or disappointment or fear, maybe.

they say it’s easier for me to express anger than express hurt.

they say anger’s an iceberg with pain beneath the water line.

they say it’s a way to protect a vulnerable heart.

 

and maybe it is.

 

maybe I am

scared and

vulnerable and

weeping deep inside.

 

maybe the idea of stringing together

a necklace of your teeth

is just a defense mechanism,

and I’m actually feeling

sad or

humiliated or

disappointed.

 

but are you willing to take the chance

that I might actually have the needle and thread and pliers

ready and

waiting for you?

I'll stay angry if I want to

they say anger is poison in your own glass.

they say don’t stay angry past sundown.

but I say

     fuck that.

sometimes anger is called for.

sometimes anger is the only indicator I’m bleeding.

sometimes anger has to last

     so I can work up the courage

          to tell someone they wounded me.

I’ll drink the poison

     if that’s what it takes.

the sun will set

     and rise and set

          and rise and set

               and rise and set

                    and I’ll still be furious

                         that you treated me this way.

Advance Praise for A Necklace of Teeth

"You know that scene in the movies when someone walks out from the shadows, haloed by flickering streetlights, their fingers twirling weapons with a fluidity that makes your breath stammer? Ivy L. James’ poems are the moment in the story when the soundtrack swells. This collection will pulse a surge of queer fury and recognition and power through your bones. It embarks on a hero's journey much closer to the heart than any other and isn't afraid to get its hands dripping in electric blood."

 - Elena Sichrovsky, Eating Out Anne Sexton (Ghost City Press, ‘24)

***

"Ivy L. James has a gift for you –

 

torrents of flame lightning white hot venom for those who read words of peace and choose war – slow agonies for the monsters parents promised weren't real but always been hiding in tricks of light– engraved promises of Decimation on the foreheads of those who live for sorrow – slowly teaching those wilfully ignorant the difference of stigmata v. scars – a salt the earth approach to tending the fields once known as home

 

It's wonderful – you're thankful of it, and make a note to check the inscription of “sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc”

 

A Necklace of Teeth, all for you. You pop it on, happy to wear it home."

 - Clem Flowers, author of KUDZU (Cowboy Jamboree Press) and I KNOW NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT (BULLSHIT LIT)

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

You can buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

We're halfway through the year! Good job, us! (Yes, I had to look it up because I thought it was beginning of June. I’m bad at basic math.)

Here's what I posted on Instagram as my goals for 2024:

Finalize The Winner Takes It All for publication

Publish a poetry chapbook

Edit 6 manuscripts

Bonus: Draft The Plus-One Contract

That's a nice, reasonable list. I'm doing great on it -- Winner is in edits, The Orange and Pink Sunset is published, I've edited 6 manuscripts, and TPOC is at 19k/70k.

Here's the thing, though... I'm an overachiever.

Here's what I've done so far outside of that list:

Find a critique partner (CP)

Finish drafting "Fake Fiancée" short story

Attend Sierra DeMulder’s Turn the Crystal poetry class

Draft TPOC query letter and synopsis

Draft Sword's End query letter and synopsis

Start drafting Sword's End (it’s at 51k/75k) as Cassia King

Start Cassia King social media (Instagram and Twitter) and email

Start a Substack newsletter

Read 11 sapphic books

Check, check, and check! Except. Hehe. That's still not all.

Here are my other, secret, bonus goals (other things I'd like to accomplish before 2025):

Publish A Necklace of Teeth, my queer rage poetry chapbook, with Dogleech Books

Finish drafting Sword's End as Cassia King

Submit Sword's End to NineStar Press

Edit 12 manuscripts

Bonus: Finish drafting TPOC

Bonus: Read 20 books

Technically, yes, I realize that that's cramming A LOT into one year and it's arguably unreasonable for me to expect so much from myself while maintaining a full-time job, working an editing side hustle, promoting my author platform, spending time with family and friends, etc.

I know this.

But here I am.

One of these days I'll write a blog about having reasonable expectations of yourself, and it'll be as much for me as for you, but it is not this day.

QOTD: What are your 2024 goals, and how are you doing on them?

Now go forth and make your dreams come true!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

You can buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

I've never done a writing experiment before; I watch a lot of them on YouTube, though. And this week I decided to try one out for myself!

The goal of this experiment is to see how many days in a row I can write more than the day before. It's similar to the stair-step challenge (where you try to beat the previous sprint's word count), but longer-term. It's a full staircase, then?

Credit: This writing experiment was inspired by Kate Cavanaugh's video doing the same challenge.

For the sake of giving this my best shot, I counted words that went into both my current WIPs (Sword's End and The Plus-One Contract). That way, if I skipped on one manuscript and focused on the other, I'd still be working on the experiment.

Honestly, going in, I expected very little. I'm employed full-time AND I have an editing side hustle, so my available writing time can vary dramatically from day to day. But I wanted to give this my best shot, and I feel like I did that.

Day 1: Thursday, 23 May 2024

You'd think this day would be the easiest, but actually I was nervous. What if I wrote TOO MANY words and ruined the whole experiment? I didn't want to not try, but I also didn't want to overachieve, you get me?

Luckily, I had certain blockages to writing: I had to go in to the office during the day (an hour drive each way), and I went out for dinner with my wife after work, so I could only draft in the evening.

I sort of half worked on TPOC for an hour or two while my wife was out at a comedy open mic. I sat in bed with my iPad on a lap desk and poked at the Bluetooth keyboard. But really I was watching AuthorTube videos on my phone. It was...not super productive.

The ultra-impressive 9 words on Sword’s End were poked into my phone right before bed so I wouldn’t lose my streak on Pacemaker. Please clap.

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 9

The Plus-One Contract: 701

Word count total: 710

Day 2: Friday, 24 May 2024

I needed 711 words to beat Day 1.

I did a little writing on the desktop computer during the day, but most of my writing time was in the evening after work, again on my iPad.

Usually I’m good to go, writing at night, but I was tired today. I didn’t even manage 900 words. But I DID beat yesterday’s total, which is what counts.

Once again, I managed a single sentence on Sword’s End for the purpose of streak maintenance. I was starting to wonder if I should just let the 61-day streak die, but this was not the day I let go of it.

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 13 words

The Plus-One Contract: 879 words

Word count total: 892 words

Day 3: Saturday, 25 May 2024

I needed 893 words to beat Day 2.

I slept in until 11:30a, so my morning was shot. I wrote about 750 words (TPOC) in the early afternoon and another 850 (both WIPs) in the evening.

In the afternoon I felt pretty good, which was partly due to an easy Saturday and partly due to the prosecco that accompanied my writing session, lol. By evening I had lost a little motivation, so it was harder to buckle down and work.

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 202 words

The Plus-One Contract: 1434 words

Word count total: 1636 words

Day 4: Sunday, 26 May 2024

I needed 1637 words to beat Day 3.

This afternoon I had a live interview with the Romance Writers Room, so my writing was broken up into "pre-interview" and "post-interview."

Pre-interview (morning), I worked on Sword’s End on my iPad at the dining room table. I had the Resistance going on; I kept getting back up and pacing before sitting back down and then repeating.

Post-interview (night), I worked on TPOC on my iPad in bed. (I know, I know, you're not supposed to work where you sleep. Sue me.) Honestly, it felt like pulling teeth, but I was determined not to break my experiment this soon, so I pressed on until I beat my goal. (I probably could’ve switched back to Sword’s End, but it was 10pm and I wasn’t at my most logical.)

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 657 words

The Plus-One Contract: 1357 words

Word count total: 2014 words

Day 5: Monday, 27 May 2024

I needed 2015 words to beat Day 4.

Here in the US, this was Memorial Day, so I was off work, which gave me enough time to power through some serious writing sessions. Well, after I enjoyed a nice little snooze cruise. (Translation: I slept in again.)

In the early afternoon, I worked on TPOC on my iPad at a coffee shop and at the dining room table. I tried for a minute to write at the desktop computer, but I was A) distracted and B) anxious.

In the evening, I worked on both WIPs (well, mostly TPOC) on my iPad in bed.

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 122 words

The Plus-One Contract: 2431 words

Word count total: 2553 words

Day 6: Tuesday, 28 May 2024

I needed 2554 words to beat Day 5.

I was back at work today. I also started proofreading a manuscript, and after work my wife and I took our corgi to the beach. I didn't get to sit down and write until 9pm, and that just wasn't enough time to get this kind of word count in -- at least, not without staying up way too late.

On top of the lack of time, I wasn't really feeling either of my WIPs, so it just wasn't my night.

It was disappointing to end the challenge, but honestly that's just how it is sometimes with writing and life. Besides, I made it almost a full week, and I'm proud of that.

Words for the day:

Sword's End: 94 words

The Plus-One Contract: 438 words

Word count total: 532 words

The Experiment Results

So I made it 6 days, continually trying to beat the previous day's count. That was better than I expected, actually!

If I try this challenge again, I'll schedule it for another long weekend or, better yet, an entire week off work. It was difficult to make solid word counts while working a full-time job and a side hustle.

Here's the final word count staircase:

Day 1: 710 words

Day 2: 892 words

Day 3: 1636 words

Day 4: 2014 words

Day 5: 2553 words

Day 6: 532 words

And here's what I learned:

I don't really need motivation or inspiration to write. If I have a plan (a synopsis, outline, beat sheet, etc.), I can drag the words out regardless. What I need is to sit my butt in the chair and stay there.

Timed sprints help me stay on task. (Mostly because I can put my phone away for half an hour at a time but not all day long.)

I'm doing more words per hour on Sword's End than on TPOC, inexplicably. Knowing this helped me temper my expectations for sprint word counts.

I'm becoming more comfortable with my iPad than my desktop computer.

A fancy drink doesn't hurt. :)

Now go forth and write more than you did yesterday!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

The Orange and Pink Sunset (sapphic poetry chapbook):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read a few poems for free: The Orange and Pink Sunset: Poems from the Chapbook

Buy it from Amazon!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow”

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads.

Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now"

Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store!

The Orange and Pink Sunset is my sapphic poetry chapbook, releasing 30 April 2024. This collection is themed around my experiences, joys, and difficulties as a lesbian.

My poetry writing style is simple, raw, and understandable. If you like Running Upon the Wires by Kae Tempest, you might like my poetry.

You can preorder the ebook of The Orange and Pink Sunset from Amazon or my store.

Once you preorder, you can enter my presale giveaway! Every giveaway entrant will receive a few exclusive poems that didn't make it into the final manuscript, and one lucky winner will win a swag bag that includes a signed paperback copy!

Content warnings: familial homophobia, religious homophobia, adult language, mild violence/gore, sensual content.

“lesbian” isn’t a bad word

 

First, I identified as bi,

even though I never liked dick.

Everything I did in bed with men was to avoid something else.

I was a strong believer of “It doesn’t matter what’s in someone’s pants”

until I slept with a woman for the first time

            and liked

            every part of it.

 

Later, I identified as sapphic, despite my wife’s insistence that it wasn’t a real label.

I had a hard time saying “lesbian,”

but “sapphic?” Sure.

I knew I liked women,

that had been a constant since I was seven:

watching Sailor Moon, half in love with Neptune;

admiring my first-grade friend Kasey’s new perm;

drawing busty women, one after another, and never a singular man.

 

One February night as I rewatched Arcane, I curved my palms around “lesbian.”

I drew it in, held it close. Gave it a little smooch on the forehead.

It felt like a space heater, soft and warm and cozy. It was Vi. It was Caitlyn. It was me.

I tried it out on my tongue with a joke: “How can I live laugh lesbian in these conditions?”

 

Yesterday, I smoothed a witchy lesbian-pride sticker onto my water bottle.

The orange and pink sunset felt good. Felt right.

It’s not all of me, but it is part of me, and I’m no longer afraid of the word.

I’m not letting go

 

my heart has teeth

 

I bite down and refuse to give up whatever—

whomever—

I love

 

my heart has nails

 

I dig in with both hands,

selfish and greedy

 

my heart growls

 

just try to pry me away,

you bastards,

I dare you

 

my heart is soft with a core of steel

 

you can’t break my grip—

I’ll die before I give up on this;

catch me rotting in the searing sun

before I go to my knees

there goes the sun

 

I was afraid to come out

Because I knew things would be different—worse—

and I was partially right:

My entire family, save one sister, boycotted my wedding.

I’m no longer welcome in church if my wife is with me.

Scripture falls apart when I touch it.

Some things have deteriorated.

 

Yet others stayed the same:

My closest friends remain.

Writing frees me.

The moon waxes and wanes.

 

And others still are better now:

My relationship with that sister is on the mend.

I have a new queer circle of friends who hold me tight.

I can write everything I want to.

I’m honest with the world and with myself.

 

The sun has set on what my life used to be,

there’s no going back,

but that loss allows the stars to shine,

and I’m more at home in the moonlight anyway.

current mood: waning crescent

I wax and wane

like the moon,

rise and fall

with the tide—

each season ushers in

a new version of me,

happy,

sad,

manic,

depressive—

and though I’m not sure why,

you love each phase,

which says more about

how generous you are

than about

how lovable I am.

Advance Praise for The Orange and Pink Sunset

“James’ writing is sweet, candid, and necessary. Her poems tell tales that will undoubtedly be relatable to the queer reader, provoking feelings of sorrow and solidarity both, and gradually fostering a sense of bright, palpable hope. Fresh yet enchantingly familiar, The Orange and Pink Sunset bleeds with authenticity.”

- Rose McCoy, author of When the World Didn’t End

***

“Exquisite joys & sorrows are laid out before you, like rare gems on an offering table right from the jump.

 

Bodyblows & massive hooks to the soul & spine on every page, snatching the air out your lungs, bringing you to tears a time or two on moments that hit so so so near to home, but instilling a craving to keep reading.

 

It ends so sweet, so subtle, so perfect, you go back and read it again. 

 

In short: Ivy L. James offers here a rapturous sermon in the chapel of Sappho, and we should all be ever so grateful for the privilege to take in The Orange and Pink Sunset. 

 

Just make sure to bring an offering for Saint Sailor Neptune, won’t you?”

- Clem Flowers, author of I Know Nothing But The Night (Bullshit Lit) & KUDZU (Cowboy Jamboree Press)

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow” ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

It's October, or Preptober for the NaNoWriMo world. (If you're looking for advice on how to prep for NaNo, check out my blog article and video about that.) National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is a challenge to write 50,000 words of a novel during the month of November.

Or, well, you could not do that EXACTLY.

I'm a NaNo Rebel. (Have been for several years running.) What that means: I won't be drafting 50k of a new novel.

Gasp!

So what AM I doing?

This year I'm doing "CalmWriMo," which I found on Tumblr. For this NaNo-adjacent event, you set A) a fun and achievable writing goal and B) an accessible and enjoyable self-care focus.

I have been so stressed about my many writing projects, and I need to take better care of myself, so this felt perfect for me.

My CalmWriMo goals for November:

Writing Goal: Spend at least 1 hour on Winner revisions, daily* Self-Care Goal: Exercise in any way, daily*

*certain pre-planned days excluded

So let's talk about what those goals may look like for me.

CalmWriMo Writing Goal

I'm going to be working on my revisions to the first draft of The Winner Takes It All, book 2 in my Virginia Is for All Lovers romance series. My goal is one hour a day of concentrated revision work.

Why did I choose this goal?

A few reasons, actually.

I promised these revisions to my publisher by 31 December 2023. So, y'know, contracted deadlines or whatever. I've been putting it off for months because I'm afraid, but the only way out is through. I can't write Rhiannon and Alex's story (book 3) until Yelena and Embry's story is finalized. And I really wanna write Rhiannon and Alex's story. One hour a day is a mild stretch (because, again, I've been being a chicken about it) but doable.What's this book about?

STORY IN A NUTSHELL:

Gym rivals Yelena and Embry team up for a tennis competition and learn they have more in common than they’d like to admit. Hope they don’t fall in love...

TROPES AND FUN THINGS:

FF pairing (bi x lesbian) rivals to allies to lovers banter (derogatory) to banter (affectionate) pipeline small town queer ensemble cast suffering together through bad karaoke adult/strip Twister what is Embry’s full name?? the world may never know friendships!! several steamy scenes hehe

BLURB:

After surviving the car accident that killed her parents, Yelena keeps a tight control over her life. She holds success close and any possible relationships at arm’s length; she certainly can’t let any potential partners close enough to lose them too. Her competitive spirit sends her to the top of her gym’s leaderboard, or rather, to a tie for first place. Tied with her least favorite person at the gym. With a 1,000-dollar prize and her pride at stake, Yelena will do whatever it takes to beat out her rival, Embry. If only Embry weren’t so damn pretty.

Embry needs to be the best. Despite her wall of diplomas and awards, it’s the gym leaderboard she has her eye on lately, but her number-one place has somehow become tied for first. Unacceptable. Worse, when her tennis partner gets hurt, the only person who can step in for the upcoming pairs competition is the last person she wants on her team.

Yelena and Embry begrudgingly team up for the tennis competition. As they spend time together, though, they find they’re more similar than different, and deeper feelings blossom. But will their fears—and the leaderboard—get in the way of what they both truly want?

The Winner Takes It All is a rivals-to-lovers, steamy, sapphic romance.

CalmWriMo Self-Care Goal

I'm aiming to exercise in any way, for any length of time, every day in November.

Why did I choose this goal?

Moving my body is an essential part of my mental health, but I've been neglecting that.

The point of this goal is not to lose weight or gain muscle. It's just to build a habit of caring for the activity needs of my body and my brain.

What might this look like?

Just a few options, because it can be literally anything:

Walking my corgi Doing pushups during TV commercial breaks or between Netflix episodes Dancing the entirety of "Cotton-Eyed Joe" Doing calisthenics with Darebee RPG workouts Cycling on the air bike for 10 minutes Line dancing at the local pub

the world is my oyster babyyyy

TL;DR

For 2023 I'm being a NaNo Rebel and doing CalmWriMo instead of the traditional 50k.

My CalmWriMo goals:

Writing Goal: Spend at least 1 hour on Winner revisions, daily Self-Care Goal: Exercise in any way, daily

If CalmWriMo (or NaNo Rebelling in general) sounds like a good fit for you, join me in it!

We can be friends on the NaNoWriMo site too; add me on my NaNo profile here.

Now go forth and do whatever you want for NaNoWriMo!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( ,,@AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

What Goes Up (mental-health poetry chapbook):

Read a few sample poems for free: What Goes Up: Poems from the Chapbook Preorder a signed copy on my online store!

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow” ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

What Goes Up is my debut poetry chapbook, releasing 30 October 2023 from Naked Cat Publishing. This collection is themed around mental health, specifically my experiences with bipolar II disorder and anxiety.

You can preorder a signed copy of the chapbook from my store.

My poetry writing style is simple, raw, and understandable. If you like Running Upon the Wires by Kae Tempest, you might like my poetry.

TW: mental illness (depression, anxiety)

Brain Last Updated: 5 April 2023 at 3:57 pm

when was the last time

my brain updated?

was it when I peaked on an upswing,

words pouring out of me,

bright and glorious?

was it at the solstice of my last dark episode,

as I stared at the ceiling

and wondered if I’d ever feel like me again?

or was it on a plain, peaceful day between the two,

when I didn’t have to worry about my moods at all?

petals wither and drop despite my best efforts

my heart

is an orchid

and I have a black thumb

stingers in my skin

anxiety buzzes

under my skin,

not bumblebees but wasps—

stinging me over and over,

keeping me up at night,

malicious and pointless.

everything matters!!

it screams in my ear.

everything matters

right this second!!

(which is interesting

because my depression says

nothing matters at all, ever.

but that’s for another time.)

I can’t solve every problem

but I need to, I ache to.

and nothing is sacred:

money, relationships, career,

weight, hobbies,

politics, climate change, the environment—

the very earth I stand on

betrays me.

I’m breathing too fast,

I’m shaking,

I’m on the floor

unable to move.

I want to cry

but can’t summon the tears.

my mind shouts,

you’re in danger!!

when the only danger is

my mind itself.

I’m not safe

but I’m not at risk either.

(where am I?)

take a few deep breaths

and anchor yourself

(where am I?)

I can’t

breathe

full range of (e)motion

I don’t have the full range of emotions.

I’m feeling low

and I’m sorry.

I try to stretch

up to my usual radiance

and I can’t quite get there.

my glow is

dimming,

dimming,

dark.

I just want to be

my brightest self again

for you.

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow” ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

Okay, so it's been a while since I posted a blog here or a vlog on YouTube, catching you up on what I've been up to. Let's remedy that, shall we?

Now, I've been a busy bee. I have ten (10) updates for you.

A Real-Life Update

First of all, I... got married??

Yep, I married the love of my life in an intimate ceremony on 27 September 2022. I wore a black dress; she wore a white dress. It was a gorgeous day.

A Romance Novel

Second, I published Love, Lorena with NineStar Press in October 2022.

My matchmaker/princess romance novel features royalty, opposites attract, pets, a fictional European country, bi femme leads, and several steamy scenes.

Blurb:

Lorena García Fernández has built her matchmaking company, “Love, Lorena,” from the ground up, but her parents refuse to acknowledge the business as legitimate. Hoping to impress them, she travels to Ìovoria to find Crown Prince Callum a match. However, when Callum unexpectedly abdicates, his wild sister, Rosamund, becomes the crown princess and Lorena’s new client.

Lorena knows “Rowdy Rosamund” from the news headlines, but as she helps the princess, she learns there’s more to Rose than her public persona. The two women grow closer with each date Lorena sets up for the crown princess, and Lorena finds herself falling for Rose.

With only a month to find the perfect match, each failure increases the pressure to succeed. How will Lorena choose between her duty and her heart?

Love, Lorena Links:

Love, Lorena on Goodreads Read chapter 1 for free Buy from your preferred store A Short Story in an Anthology

Third, I published "Kiss of the Lethe" with other AuthorTubers in The Stygian Collection, which came out July 2023.

Blurb:

This short story centers around Cassia, an acolyte in the temple of Athena in ancient Greece, who's one-sidedly in love with her best friend, Anthe. When Cassia falls ill and dies, she finds herself in the Underworld at the River Styx. A walk along the Styx and the Lethe has her wondering whether it would be better to forget Anthe altogether...

I've been describing this short story as "sad lesbians in Ancient Greece," and it's only kind of a joke. This anthology is dark, and "Kiss of the Lethe" has a tragic ending, so be forewarned.

"Kiss of the Lethe" links:

My referral link to buy the anthology My video interview with Holly Rhiannon about this story A Poem in an Anthology

Fourth, I published poetry for the first time ever! My poem "78" is featured in the Seers and Sybils anthology by Brigids Gate Press, which released in September 2023.

This is a collection of 30 stories and poems about those who have the power to see the future. Will you open the book and read their prophecies?

My poem, "78," is about a contemporary seer: a tarot reader who works with her goddesses to provide guidance by the cards.

"78" link: You can buy Seers and Sybils in ebook or paperback on Amazon.

A Poem in a Magazine

Fifth, my poem "'lesbian' isn't a bad word" was published as part of the Labels issue with Snowflake Magazine!

This poem explores the way my sexuality labels have shifted and changed over the years and how I've come to terms with the word "lesbian."

"'lesbian isn't a bad word" links:

Buy the physical magazine Buy the digital magazine A Personal Essay

Sixth, my personal essay "A Shattered Statuette" was published in the HerStry blog as part of their Women of Faith series!

This essay delves into my experiences growing up queer in an evangelical church and the ways my spirituality has changed over the years.

"A Shattered Statuette" link: Read for free on the HerStry blog.

Editing Services

Seventh, I've been providing copy/line edits and proofreading.

My rates are $0.005/word for copy/line edits and $0.003/word for proofing.

I'll edit any genre of fiction or nonfiction prose, but not poetry.

Editing services link: this page on my author website

Poetry Chapbooks in Progress

Eighth, I've been developing poetry chapbooks for indie publication.

My debut will be The Orange and Pink Sunset, a sapphic poetry chapbook about my experiences, joys, and difficulties as a lesbian. As of 6 September 2023, the manuscript is with the editor, getting beautified.

Other chapbooks I'm drafting:

Love Letters to Strangers: sapphic poetry As Above, So Below: witchy poetry What Goes Up: mental health poetry about my bipolar II disorder and anxietyAnother Romance Novel in Progress

Ninth, I managed (somehow) the first draft of The Winner Takes It All, and I'm now revising and expanding the manuscript based on editorial and beta-reader feedback.

This is the second book in the Virginia is for All Lovers series. (Book 1 is Border Ctrl+Esc.) The series features an ensemble cast, so you'll see a lot of familiar faces, but each book can be read as a standalone!

I also have the cover art from Neimy Kanani, but it's a secret!

Book Signing Event in October

Tenth, I've scheduled my first book event!

I will be signing books, giving brief readings from my books and upcoming poetry chapbook, and doing a book-swag giveaway.

Date: 7 October 2023

Location: Fenwick Street Used Books and Music at 41665 Fenwick St, Leonardtown, MD 20650

Hours: 10a-5p Eastern time

You can bring your own copy in to be signed, or alternatively, when you arrive at the bookstore, you can buy a copy from me directly.

Here are the published paperback books I will sign with my metallic red Sharpie:

Border Ctrl+Esc Love, Lorena The Stygian Collection Seers and Sybils

If you're in the area, come say hi! I'd love to chat with you!

TL;DR

So here's what I've been up to:

Got married Published Love, Lorena Published "Kiss of the Lethe" Published "78" Published "'lesbian' isn't a bad word" Published "A Shattered Statuette" Provided editing services Drafted The Orange and Pink Sunset Drafted The Winner Takes It All Scheduled a book event

Now go forth and make your dreams come true!

I believe in you!

For more writerly and adulty things, you can subscribe to this blog (below).

You can also follow me on TikTok ( ,,@AuthorIvyLJames ), Instagram ( @authorivyljames ), Twitter ( @AuthorIvyLJames ), Facebook (" Author Ivy L. James" ), and YouTube (" Author Ivy L. James" )! I post about writing, writing romance specifically, adulting, my corgi Pippa Finn, and other fun things.

MORE BY ME

Make the Yuletide Gay (lesbian holiday romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: Chapter 1: “Good Sir, That's a Lotta Snow” ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred digital store!

Border Ctrl+Esc (queer m/f marriage of convenience):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter 1: In Which Internet Friends Become In-Person Friends" ! Buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !

Love, Lorena (sapphic matchmaker/princess romance):

Add to your TBR list on Goodreads . Read Chapter One for free: "Chapter One: Guess Lorena Has to Go to Ìovoria Now" ! You can buy it from my publisher or from your preferred store !