Alex Fear's Blog
December 17, 2022
I Spent 9 Years Writing a Gay Novel
I’ve never actually tried to work out before how long I spent writing 'The Space Between Galaxies.' Sometimes I say five years, sometimes I say eight. I got the idea from a series of dreams I had about a Christian guy when I was seventeen. The first attempts to start writing it were when I was going out with my second boyfriend; Percy Tankengine. And I finished it in a hostel room in Guatemala with a view of a volcano. Facebook tells me I went out with Percy in 2010, and I went to Guatemala in 2019 – so that’s nine years. There was something very reassuring about having such a long-term project – wherever I was, whatever I was doing I was working towards this novel. It was like my child that I was pregnant with for 12 times the normal gestation period. I watched a documentary once about a guy who said he’d spent a decade creating the greatest work of art ever. Then you see it and it’s a slightly wonky looking hyper realistic portrait of Marilyn Monroe. I worried at times my novel was like that. But I had to write it, unlike other creative projects, this story never stopped being interesting to me.
When I started, I truly had no idea what I was doing. I would write a few random excerpts from whatever point in the book I felt like and then at some point attempted to piece these together into chronological order. At first, I found writing dialogue the most difficult bit, but over the years the two main characters; Kyle and Felix, became so real to me that writing a conversion between them was nothing. I remember a job where I got to live in a fancy rural hotel for two weeks and spent the entire time writing one house party scene. Writing characters is sometimes almost like channeling, and that scene took so long because I had to put myself into so many different points of consciousness - all interacting in one space. If I’m getting stuck on a certain character, I think of a few people I know that they’re a mix of. I’ve found the two main characters in both my novels have been opposing aspects of myself. Kyle is my vanity and arrogance, and Felix is the bit of me that tries to love everyone.
There’s advice online that you should stick to a simple plot and one genre for your first novel. But I had about 5 genres and these very complex interlinked parallel storylines. One thing I struggled with was all the places they visit in the book. I would watch days of Youtube videos about a single place before I felt I could write it realistically. But I was writing the book so long that I ended up going to most of the places featured anyway; the USA, Mexico, Guatemala, Egypt, Mykonos, Thailand, and Taiwan.
Kyle is a London club kid, like I was briefly in 2011; going to exclusive London bars and getting free drinks while wearing balloons and lingerie. I'd always rather be writing from experience. But there’s a storyline about Leukaemia in the book that I really had to intensely research. My favourite reference book was this really dry self-published book by a native American high schooler who had leukaemia. I loved it because he included all the names of medication, treatment timelines, everything that every other writer thought was too boring to include. I also got advice from a friend called Woodchild who died from cancer while I was writing the book.
The plot was so complex that at one point I had a large detective style noticeboard covered in heavily annotated post it notes to make sure everything in each storyline happened in the right order. I think I re-wrote the whole book a couple of times – which sounds very dramatic. But it was never a case of me thinking I was re-writing the whole thing. I would re-write parts, then re-read it and they’d be so good, that I’d have to re-write the bits around them. A lot of that was getting to know the characters well enough - I’d re-read earlier writing and think – Felix would never say that. The four boyfriends I had while writing it helped a lot too - especially with creating realistic conflicts between the characters! There was one argument I had that was strangely similar to a plot line in the book. I'm being vague because I don't want to ruin all the plot twists for you.
For about five years my new year’s resolution had been to finish this book. And by the end of 2019 I finally did it. I put all twenty two notebooks into a fire in my friend’s garden. I always write fiction in notebooks - staring into Microsoft word seems to shortcut my creativity. And burning them all gave me closure and meant no one will ever get a hold of the random scraps of unrealistic dialogue I was writing back in 2010. Then I sent it off to every agent that had ever had anything to do with a gay novel. They all either rejected it or didn’t write back. It didn't make me doubt it - everyone who’d read it said it was so good, it made them laugh and cry. But I have noticed that all gay fiction at the moment is either romance novels - by women for women, Young adult, or the occasionally high-brow literary novel. So, I slowly accepted I was going to have to self-publish my weird amazing unmarketable gay novel.
I read somewhere that if you don’t want to be so precious about your novel, write another one. So, during the pandemic I wrote a novella and self-published it – it was a trial to make putting out ‘The Space Between Galaxies’ less scary. It took a whole year till I had a cover for this novel anyway. A guy in Mexico made me one that looked like a spacey gay Disney film. Then I experimented on Photoshop for six months before I had enough money again to pay an amazing graphic designer in Kazakhstan to make this:
I really don’t feel like my slightly scattered ADHD self-promotion has done enough, but I just want to get it out there now, I want people to read it! My aim was to write something with non-mainstream gay characters, and a really unique story-line. I’ve read so much gay fiction where the only interesting aspect is the character’s sexuality. This isn't that! I’m prouder of this book than anything I’ve ever done and in three days’ time I’m going to put it out into the world.
So here's the blurb:
Saying too much about this book would spoil it’s unique series of twists, but ....
Kyle is an arrogant club kid who gets paid to take drugs and look fabulous.
Felix dresses like he’s from the 70s and claims to be psychic.
Two interwoven stories follow their chaotic relationship and attempted round the world back-packing trip.
The Space Between Galaxies
When I started, I truly had no idea what I was doing. I would write a few random excerpts from whatever point in the book I felt like and then at some point attempted to piece these together into chronological order. At first, I found writing dialogue the most difficult bit, but over the years the two main characters; Kyle and Felix, became so real to me that writing a conversion between them was nothing. I remember a job where I got to live in a fancy rural hotel for two weeks and spent the entire time writing one house party scene. Writing characters is sometimes almost like channeling, and that scene took so long because I had to put myself into so many different points of consciousness - all interacting in one space. If I’m getting stuck on a certain character, I think of a few people I know that they’re a mix of. I’ve found the two main characters in both my novels have been opposing aspects of myself. Kyle is my vanity and arrogance, and Felix is the bit of me that tries to love everyone.
There’s advice online that you should stick to a simple plot and one genre for your first novel. But I had about 5 genres and these very complex interlinked parallel storylines. One thing I struggled with was all the places they visit in the book. I would watch days of Youtube videos about a single place before I felt I could write it realistically. But I was writing the book so long that I ended up going to most of the places featured anyway; the USA, Mexico, Guatemala, Egypt, Mykonos, Thailand, and Taiwan.
Kyle is a London club kid, like I was briefly in 2011; going to exclusive London bars and getting free drinks while wearing balloons and lingerie. I'd always rather be writing from experience. But there’s a storyline about Leukaemia in the book that I really had to intensely research. My favourite reference book was this really dry self-published book by a native American high schooler who had leukaemia. I loved it because he included all the names of medication, treatment timelines, everything that every other writer thought was too boring to include. I also got advice from a friend called Woodchild who died from cancer while I was writing the book.
The plot was so complex that at one point I had a large detective style noticeboard covered in heavily annotated post it notes to make sure everything in each storyline happened in the right order. I think I re-wrote the whole book a couple of times – which sounds very dramatic. But it was never a case of me thinking I was re-writing the whole thing. I would re-write parts, then re-read it and they’d be so good, that I’d have to re-write the bits around them. A lot of that was getting to know the characters well enough - I’d re-read earlier writing and think – Felix would never say that. The four boyfriends I had while writing it helped a lot too - especially with creating realistic conflicts between the characters! There was one argument I had that was strangely similar to a plot line in the book. I'm being vague because I don't want to ruin all the plot twists for you.
For about five years my new year’s resolution had been to finish this book. And by the end of 2019 I finally did it. I put all twenty two notebooks into a fire in my friend’s garden. I always write fiction in notebooks - staring into Microsoft word seems to shortcut my creativity. And burning them all gave me closure and meant no one will ever get a hold of the random scraps of unrealistic dialogue I was writing back in 2010. Then I sent it off to every agent that had ever had anything to do with a gay novel. They all either rejected it or didn’t write back. It didn't make me doubt it - everyone who’d read it said it was so good, it made them laugh and cry. But I have noticed that all gay fiction at the moment is either romance novels - by women for women, Young adult, or the occasionally high-brow literary novel. So, I slowly accepted I was going to have to self-publish my weird amazing unmarketable gay novel.
I read somewhere that if you don’t want to be so precious about your novel, write another one. So, during the pandemic I wrote a novella and self-published it – it was a trial to make putting out ‘The Space Between Galaxies’ less scary. It took a whole year till I had a cover for this novel anyway. A guy in Mexico made me one that looked like a spacey gay Disney film. Then I experimented on Photoshop for six months before I had enough money again to pay an amazing graphic designer in Kazakhstan to make this:
I really don’t feel like my slightly scattered ADHD self-promotion has done enough, but I just want to get it out there now, I want people to read it! My aim was to write something with non-mainstream gay characters, and a really unique story-line. I’ve read so much gay fiction where the only interesting aspect is the character’s sexuality. This isn't that! I’m prouder of this book than anything I’ve ever done and in three days’ time I’m going to put it out into the world.
So here's the blurb:
Saying too much about this book would spoil it’s unique series of twists, but ....
Kyle is an arrogant club kid who gets paid to take drugs and look fabulous.
Felix dresses like he’s from the 70s and claims to be psychic.
Two interwoven stories follow their chaotic relationship and attempted round the world back-packing trip.
The Space Between Galaxies
August 16, 2021
How to write a gay novel during a global pandemic
Step 1) Lose your job, your visa and your house
Before the pandemic I was living in Switzerland with my boyfriend Chachi. I was teaching advanced exam English and trying to get on Rupaul’s drag race. In January and February my students joked about the Corona virus. I even worked some fun sentences about it into my lesson on the future-present-perfect tense. Then all my work was cancelled, I lost my visa, and I had to go back to my parent’s house in England. I waved goodbye to Chachi at the airport not knowing when we’d be able to see each other again.
At the same time, I was getting pre-written rejection letters from agents about my first novel,
“Though there was much to admire about your writing, we don’t feel strongly enough to offer you representation.”
I lay there in a mire of lethargy, in my teenage bedroom writing erotica and posting it online. Actually, the erotica got a lot of positive feedback – horny gays saying I was a good writer, and they couldn’t wait for the next part. It was their horny feedback that motivated me. I thought, I’m going to write another novel, something short, and wild, and moving, and self-publish it.
Step 2) Mull over the story for half a decade, then find it's emotional core.
The idea for “Two Million” had been with me for a while. (An anxious guy wakes up next to an alcoholic lottery winner, who takes them both on an international bender.) I was inspired by past journeys with drunk friends. The time I flew to Israel with a friend who was drinking only Baileys Irish Cream Liqueur. He quickly ran back to get a whole new bottle before boarding the plane, then ended up vomiting on my hat.
I also briefly worked in a bar that had the largest collection of gins in the world. That’s where I got the idea that Max, the anti-hero of my novel, would be a kind of rogue cocktail waiter. He has a portable mini-bar in a supermarket carrier bag. He mixes champagne cocktails in the street, on public transport, and at one point while rolling around in the jungle getting stung by mosquitos.
But I’d decided not to write this novel, it was missing something: the emotional core that takes it from being entertaining, to being real and heart-rending. I have a huge unironic admiration for the heterosexual classic: “Love Story” by Erich Segal. It’s only 130 pages long, but through lots of short convincing dialogue you become very emotionally invested in the characters.
One night in the second month of the lockdown I was thinking about the narrator of Two Million: an anxious Londoner called Theo who is addicted to Bach Rescue Remedy. And it suddenly came to me, the ending, the emotional strand that holds the story together.
Part 3) Find a mansion to write in
I’m a slow writer, I can manage about 500 words on a good day. To slow it down even further, I write in a notebook. Something about staring at Microsoft Word shuts off the bit of my mind that is able to invent stuff. But writing those five-hundred-or-so words a day about Max and Theo’s drunken adventure became my escapism.
At the same time, a friend of mine known as Unicorn was spending his lockdown with flamboyant gays on a 12-acre property that belonged to his grandparents. He finally took pity on me and drove across the country in his broken-down car to pick me up.
I was jobless with no money, but I was writing at an antique Victorian card table in a palatial bedroom with a view of our own personal lake. It was a dream come true – maybe especially the joblessness. We floated around the lake in the sun on inflatables – living in this opulent enclave while the world around us seemed to be experiencing a mild apocalypse.
Having a writing area with a good view helps. It’s a palette cleanser between writing about nihilistic philosophy and drunken shopping sprees. I finished my last novel in a cheap hostel in Guatemala with a view of a volcano. It helps having friends around too. Though I remember one day being so wrapped up in my writing that I was standing rapidly scrawling dialogue while they were waiting to have a meeting. I was in that alchemical state, when you’re so hooked on your own book that you have to keep writing to see what happens next.
Part 4) Write an ending that makes you cry (while you’re writing it)
The mansion sold, and we lived out the last few days there in a mix of hallucinogens and smashing crockery to Lady Gaga’s new album. Chachi came to visit in a break between lockdowns. He kept whining,
“What if you've changed. We’ve been apart for so long.”
But it was even better than before – we bought cheap cycling outfits, cycled across the Norfolk Broads, and made out in an ancient oak tree.
Then I was back in my parents’ house in another lockdown, unable to make any plans for the future other than finishing the book. I think the last two chapters were the hardest. If an ending isn’t fulfilling it tarnishes the whole book. Then there’s a book like “UBIK” by Phillip K Dick where the last few lines manage to redeem the whole story. I don’t consider a book properly finished unless I cry while writing the last few lines – and I did.
Part 5) Edit it until you can’t bare to look at it.
In December I went back to Switzerland and spent most of the time with Chachi in quarantine. His grandparents had both been taken off to hospital with the corona virus. We both caught it by quarantining in their house.
I printed out the first edition of the book and joyfully crossed out whole pages of writing. Like my first novel I had to completely re-write the first few chapters. I get to know the characters by writing their dialogue. By the time I've finished a book, I can go back to the start and know what they would and wouldn’t say. Chachi isn’t a fan of my perfectionist editing and re-editing. But I was still laughing at some of Theo and Max’s antics even five or six drafts in. I was also very ill and drinking Singapore Slings for research.
On new years eve, we went out into the cold and watched fireworks go off all around us. I didn’t know what we were going to do next, Brexit stopping us moving back in together, and another lockdown about to happen in the UK. But I was glad the year had given me the opportunity to write this wild, beautiful book.
You can buy "Two Million" by Alex Fear on Amazon for £2.50/$3.00 (Ebook) £5.80/$8.00 (Paperback)
Before the pandemic I was living in Switzerland with my boyfriend Chachi. I was teaching advanced exam English and trying to get on Rupaul’s drag race. In January and February my students joked about the Corona virus. I even worked some fun sentences about it into my lesson on the future-present-perfect tense. Then all my work was cancelled, I lost my visa, and I had to go back to my parent’s house in England. I waved goodbye to Chachi at the airport not knowing when we’d be able to see each other again.
At the same time, I was getting pre-written rejection letters from agents about my first novel,
“Though there was much to admire about your writing, we don’t feel strongly enough to offer you representation.”
I lay there in a mire of lethargy, in my teenage bedroom writing erotica and posting it online. Actually, the erotica got a lot of positive feedback – horny gays saying I was a good writer, and they couldn’t wait for the next part. It was their horny feedback that motivated me. I thought, I’m going to write another novel, something short, and wild, and moving, and self-publish it.
Step 2) Mull over the story for half a decade, then find it's emotional core.
The idea for “Two Million” had been with me for a while. (An anxious guy wakes up next to an alcoholic lottery winner, who takes them both on an international bender.) I was inspired by past journeys with drunk friends. The time I flew to Israel with a friend who was drinking only Baileys Irish Cream Liqueur. He quickly ran back to get a whole new bottle before boarding the plane, then ended up vomiting on my hat.
I also briefly worked in a bar that had the largest collection of gins in the world. That’s where I got the idea that Max, the anti-hero of my novel, would be a kind of rogue cocktail waiter. He has a portable mini-bar in a supermarket carrier bag. He mixes champagne cocktails in the street, on public transport, and at one point while rolling around in the jungle getting stung by mosquitos.
But I’d decided not to write this novel, it was missing something: the emotional core that takes it from being entertaining, to being real and heart-rending. I have a huge unironic admiration for the heterosexual classic: “Love Story” by Erich Segal. It’s only 130 pages long, but through lots of short convincing dialogue you become very emotionally invested in the characters.
One night in the second month of the lockdown I was thinking about the narrator of Two Million: an anxious Londoner called Theo who is addicted to Bach Rescue Remedy. And it suddenly came to me, the ending, the emotional strand that holds the story together.
Part 3) Find a mansion to write in
I’m a slow writer, I can manage about 500 words on a good day. To slow it down even further, I write in a notebook. Something about staring at Microsoft Word shuts off the bit of my mind that is able to invent stuff. But writing those five-hundred-or-so words a day about Max and Theo’s drunken adventure became my escapism.
At the same time, a friend of mine known as Unicorn was spending his lockdown with flamboyant gays on a 12-acre property that belonged to his grandparents. He finally took pity on me and drove across the country in his broken-down car to pick me up.
I was jobless with no money, but I was writing at an antique Victorian card table in a palatial bedroom with a view of our own personal lake. It was a dream come true – maybe especially the joblessness. We floated around the lake in the sun on inflatables – living in this opulent enclave while the world around us seemed to be experiencing a mild apocalypse.
Having a writing area with a good view helps. It’s a palette cleanser between writing about nihilistic philosophy and drunken shopping sprees. I finished my last novel in a cheap hostel in Guatemala with a view of a volcano. It helps having friends around too. Though I remember one day being so wrapped up in my writing that I was standing rapidly scrawling dialogue while they were waiting to have a meeting. I was in that alchemical state, when you’re so hooked on your own book that you have to keep writing to see what happens next.
Part 4) Write an ending that makes you cry (while you’re writing it)
The mansion sold, and we lived out the last few days there in a mix of hallucinogens and smashing crockery to Lady Gaga’s new album. Chachi came to visit in a break between lockdowns. He kept whining,
“What if you've changed. We’ve been apart for so long.”
But it was even better than before – we bought cheap cycling outfits, cycled across the Norfolk Broads, and made out in an ancient oak tree.
Then I was back in my parents’ house in another lockdown, unable to make any plans for the future other than finishing the book. I think the last two chapters were the hardest. If an ending isn’t fulfilling it tarnishes the whole book. Then there’s a book like “UBIK” by Phillip K Dick where the last few lines manage to redeem the whole story. I don’t consider a book properly finished unless I cry while writing the last few lines – and I did.
Part 5) Edit it until you can’t bare to look at it.
In December I went back to Switzerland and spent most of the time with Chachi in quarantine. His grandparents had both been taken off to hospital with the corona virus. We both caught it by quarantining in their house.
I printed out the first edition of the book and joyfully crossed out whole pages of writing. Like my first novel I had to completely re-write the first few chapters. I get to know the characters by writing their dialogue. By the time I've finished a book, I can go back to the start and know what they would and wouldn’t say. Chachi isn’t a fan of my perfectionist editing and re-editing. But I was still laughing at some of Theo and Max’s antics even five or six drafts in. I was also very ill and drinking Singapore Slings for research.
On new years eve, we went out into the cold and watched fireworks go off all around us. I didn’t know what we were going to do next, Brexit stopping us moving back in together, and another lockdown about to happen in the UK. But I was glad the year had given me the opportunity to write this wild, beautiful book.
You can buy "Two Million" by Alex Fear on Amazon for £2.50/$3.00 (Ebook) £5.80/$8.00 (Paperback)
